“Josh?” by Lem

“Josh…why do you seem so middle class?” says Lem.

“Is he supposed to be more old money?” asks Erin.

“YES!!” says Lem. “Why did you do that to Harvard!?”

“I agree.” says Dr. Allen.

“Because my father…is just a professor.” says Josh.

“AT HARVARD.” says Lem.

“So what!? It’s just Harvard. Geez. Don’t be so middle class.” says Josh. “Geez!”

“HARVARD!?” says the CIA.

“So!!?!” says Josh.

“Ahhh…HARVARD.” says the CIA.

“Because. We flew in coach!” he says.

“So do my grandkids!” says a Rockefeller.

“Why THE FUCK do you do this!?” says Lem.

“What are we!?” says Josh.

“Upper middle class. Apparently.” says Josh Janovec.

“yeah, I’m not gonna stay up for too much longer, but I’m gonna make a list of all the annoying bourgeois social status symbols that people have invented or intuited incorrectly over the last maybe 20 years:

1. Where you fly and how you fly (private v. public, where you are on the plane)

2. Handbags (purely how expensive they are instead of how tasteful, stylish, useful, meaningful, or exquisite they are)

3. Shoes (again, how expensive they are)

4. Manicures (getting them and how expensive they are)

5. The size of your house (purely the size over quality, location or etc)

6. Where you went to school, out of context (as opposed to why you went there or etc..)

7. How happy you seem (it seems in America you’re supposed to be extremely happy as a sign of affluence and great wealth)

8. How polite you are as opposed to how well mannered you are (and polite in this case means never breaking your smile)

9.