“By Virtue of Dirt” by Lem

“The Nesheims are are actually just poor farming immigrants from Norway.” says Jess.

“You’re like me.” says Kate.

“No. I’m A LATINA.” says Jess, flashing conquistador gang signs.

“Conquistador gang signs?” says Gunhild Nesheim.

“There is no conquistador gang. However, I think there are some Hispanic people who have that confusion.

But the conquistadors in your family were just like middle-class conquerors who conquered Latin America, the once home of dangerous Incans. Using Christ. And that’s where you came, from the conquistadors…but I think, regardless, they’re a bit silly, which is maybe how you fell in love with Rand. There’s something similar in the psychology of those people to the post Civil War Seay family.

I think he understands you but it could be bad. It could be good. But I think you guys think alike and at times and it’s comical. Have you ever heard of Don Quixote? That’s a sort of inside joke within your own people group Jess about the silliness that you can sometimes possess in a sort of self-deprecating but also self accepting way.” explains Lacey.

[Lacey will add edits in these type of brackets. And no…if she ever disappears or dies she can’t guarantee that no one will alter this blog. So print off whatever you find useful. And save it, safely. If you so choose.]

“I grew-up in some lower class poverty, and I’m very insecure. I have thicker skin than most white people possibly because of the Incan, Mayan whatever Aztec background in my people and so I decided to start saying that your family has thicker skin because they are from North Dakota farms…and I knew they were nicer farms yes…I also did know that like you guys had money in your family. Yes, I knew that. But I was trying to like-“ says Jess. She breaks down and goes silent.

“You were LYING.” says Lacey.

“Yeah.” she says.

“SO APOLOGIZE!!!!” yells Lacey.

The native in Jess is repulsed. But slightly intrigued. And the Spainish conquistador in her…stares at Lacey in her spirit in confusion.

“In who’s name!?” he asks.

“IN THE NAME OF CHRIST!!” yells Lacey.

He races off in terror…anxious and in a panic…as he too understands the power of the name of Christ. Flustered he panics. He surveys the land.

He stares at New Amsterdam. “Oh! You’re Dutch?” he says to Tom Banks. “Oh! You’re very rich.” he says.

“We’re FEROCIOUS!” yells Tom Banks.

“You’re…PRUSSIAN!” he says, intrigued. He calculates. Lights a cigarette. Balancing himself on a row boat. While standing-up. Somewhere in Central America.

He is Jess’s ancestor, a real conquistador.

Huge hat. Handsome man. Dark. Thick Spainish hair. Very bold. Very dangerous. Very calculating.

He laughs. “I don’t actually know if we could beat Prussia in a war. And it wouldn’t be me anyway. But rather my Queen. You are…related to royalty?” he says.

“Yes.” says Tom.

He looks sad. “I’m not that grand.”

“Why can’t we be friends?” asks Tom.

He shifts in the row boat. Contemplates. Stares into the water. Thinks.

“I don’t understand you. Yes.” he says to Tom.

“Oh I suppose we are a bit different.” says Mrs. Banks, in a British accent.

He smiles and nods.

“What’s your problem!?” yells Lacey.

“How do you mean different?” he says.

“Just…different?” says Mrs. Banks.

“I can’t trust people.” he explains.

“Oh! The battles and all?” says Lacey.

He laughs. “YES!!!” he yells, exasperated with lots of people’s bullshit.

“Oh dear. And then they have us trying to be best friends!” says Lacey, rolling her eyes.

“It’s okay. I’ll be your best friend!” he says to Lacey, sadly.

“No! That’s okay. How about we just live in peace? In Europe.” says Lacey. “In our heads.”

He thinks. “I’m worried.” he says.

“Ahh! I wish I knew why.” says Lacey.

“I’ll explain later!” he says.

“Very good!” says Lacey.

“No. We can live in peace.” he says…confused.

“Could you stop insulting me? And lying?” says Lacey.

“I’m not!! It’s other people.” says the conquistador.

Lacey thinks. “Ahh! Bourgeois Incans? And angry Spainish peasant women?” says Lacey.

“I am honorable. And unusually intelligent. …It’s not me.” he explains.

Waterways by Einaudi plays.

“What’s wrong?” asks Jess of her great, great, great, great…great…(? it’s unclear how many greats) grandfather.

He decides to be bold. “I’m thinking in your DNA your native ancestors are trying to interpret the spirits…and your peasant ancestors in Europe in your DNA are…being very evil. …Worship Christ! …We are good-looking. But…we aren’t other people. We’re just ourselves.” he explains.

“Why don’t I like myself more?” asks Jess.

“You’re confused. Having peasant ancestors isn’t shameful in Christ, Jess. But it is real. You see?

And Satan hates Lacey Banks.

Sure! She could be superior. EVEN TO ME. …And that’s saying something. I’m very good-looking. But who cares!? Maybe she is? WHO CARES!?! …She’s hated by Satan.

Look…in relation to her…it’s no time for…petty competition. It’s not safe! Don’t try to rip her off her throne. It’s not her throne. She worships Christ like us.” he says. “And you are so blessed.”

“Why are we like this!?

It is true that some people are better than us and she’s just one of them, I guess? So end of story? But why really is that threatening to me then?” says Jess.

“It’s a lie, in a way.

There is something you’re not dealing with in your conscience…and it bothers me…and I worry but I trust Christ.” he says.

“OK so we are not as fortunate as them in some way genetically. We actually are inferior? Or are we just stuck in a sort of maze of evil…before Heaven?” she says.

“It’s a little bit of both. They may have made choices that were less evil, and they’re better off for it genetically. But aside from things like that…it’s just nonsense…and part of the fallen world.” he says.

“Does she know that?” asks Jess.

“Yes, very much. So it’s you who doesn’t know that sweetie. You’re the one who asked me just now…not her? Do you remember?” he says.

“So her problems have nothing to do with competition…other than because of people competing with her or they do?” she says.

“Oh, you’re so smart! No…they have something to do with her but it’s not quite in the way that you’ve thought necessarily. This is the problem you’re very smart, but you made a lot of quick judgment calls about her which actually isn’t like you, which is why there’s something very nefarious very malicious going on. Right? And it could be that that’s part of the reason why am being able to tell you this.” he says. “We pray for you, and we care about you. Keep that in mind. People in Heaven care about you. Even within your family even if it’s generations back, there are people who care, just in case if you’ve ever wondered. Not everyone has that and you’re very fortunate.” he says.

“What is she thinking?” says Jess.

“First of all, she misses Lem. That’s the first key to understanding Lacey Banks.

The first key to understanding Lacey Banks is to understand that she’s morbidly sad and lonely without him. She’s morbidly missing him. It’s like he died! And she just can’t get over it.

Whether it’s reincarnation or not that really is an enormous part of her psychology. And it’s stumping Christian theologians as we speak. Is there reincarnation or not because it is such a part of who she is. She really is devastated to be at all alive without Lem.

I am beyond sad to say all this.

She’s trying to figure out how to fit in. She is always trying to figure out how to fit in with people. You’ve done that, but not to the same degree that she has. That’s something that you’ve done but for her it’s to the point of psychosis, in my opinion. She’s not psychotic but her brain literally has been driven to the point where it’s almost totally fried. She can’t hardly figure out anyone’s social cues anymore.

*Liquid Spear Waltz by Michael Andrews plays.*

It just is that she can’t figure it out and she’s tried since she was a little girl and she just can’t make sense of anything. So that’s part of what you’re picking up…and if it is this her mannerisms are off…her hair is off…and you think it looks good and, you know, in a way it does…but it’s weird…because it’s not really what she’s trying to communicate to people. It’s the wrong conversation or the wrong word. And it’s just a mess.

But then that’s where the competition comes in! Because she internalized the idea, innocent lamb that she is, that people compete. She got that idea from other kids she went to school with. She got the impression that people compete. And so she’s trying to compete just to fit in. She’s competitive purely because she doesn’t want to get rejected and hurt by people.” he says.

And maybe we don’t love her to pieces but then maybe in Heaven we do or maybe in Heaven we don’t care I don’t know, but it’s not a problem. We’re not at war with her. We’re at peace with her as much as she can manage and we can manage. Yeah she’s astounding isn’t she?” he says.

“They aren’t necessarily ugly people.” says Jess.

“What is a bother? Lacey, she’s not an idiot. I know she’s not really insane. She’s just a little lost.” he says.

“What is wrong with me?” she says.

“Do you want the truth? You’re going to get it you’re narcissistic, your mother is narcissistic your father is narcissistic but-but you were sometimes very kind and very loving before you married. You were incredibly compassionate towards people at times. I don’t know that you’re that way as much anymore.

Lacey was taken in by them too. I would be taken in by them, and so were you. And that’s where you doubt yourself a bit too much for your own good. Jess, you aren’t understanding necessarily at this point. They’re very complicated people; you married into a Norwegian upper class Old Money family.

They’re never going to give you the acceptance that you secretly want from them, because they may never give that almost anybody, but then at the same time, they’re very accepting and loving. …But they aren’t 100% good people. Still…it’s good!

So you’re you got a happy life yeah? You’ve got a very happy life but then you’ve had these medical issues. You’re a bit narcissistic and they are too and it’s just sort of sad…but I think in Christ that you will die a very happy woman I say, in faith. ” he says.

“Why am I in competition with her?” says Jess.

“Yes, you are getting tricked into competing with her.” he says.

“You know part of your trauma is that you married into an upper class Old Money Norwegian family. Norwegian! And they’re racist and upper class and snobby. They’re mean sometimes. And yet you truly married in. And your husband was madly in love with you. And he would’ve chosen you over Lacey and millions of others and he knows that, but I don’t think he’s completely honest about it. They play games. It’s extremely subtle.

So you can see how she feels about it though because she’s clearly OK with me sharing this publicly.

I’m not happy about it, she’s not happy about it.

See the thing is Jess, just be a little wiser. How about that? Satan tries to lure you in to attack her even in your mind so be careful because it’s not wise, it’s not good, it’s very bad.

But yes, you were being lowered into a fight to attack her instead of them. But then you were also being rejected by them because they’re racist, but they’re very very very very quiet about it. …They’re also classist and snobby. The class is thing though there’s a lot of compassion for that, the snobby thing not so much. And so in a sense they’re rejecting you by letting you feel ill will towards her in your heart…but that’s where it gets really embarrassing for them.

Because if she is ‘illegitimate’ just she doesn’t look like them. And it’s possible for years they’ve been trying to figure out ‘what her problem is’ that I speak genetically of. Is she Hispanic, is she Jewish? You know this one looks different! And so they could’ve had some racist instincts towards her with her deep brown eyes.

If Tom really is her dad she’s actually British Dutch and German and possibly slightly French. He he had brown eyes. His last name was Ritter, on his mother side. So, ironically, she’s very white. Some people would say she’s more white than they are if they think Germans are more white, than the Norwegians. Or some people might say that the British are very white as well. Oh, it’s possible Hitler could never quite figure out the British. They’re not dumb people, and they they do not concede defeat easily.” he says.

“But keep in mind she looks a lot like this man.” he says.

“Is there something supernatural where if that’s not her biological father he is now?” says a dead man.

“Yes God literally may have altered her DNA or she really could just be his actual biological daughter. There is a lot of evidence to suggest that’s possible. When she was at her two month, check-up the doctor thought that she weighed way too much. She was off the charts. Literally. She was in a percentile that wasn’t on the chart. In her weight.

That’s Lacey.

So at her two month check up, she weighed way too much. But she made up for that by being exceptionally taller than any baby, her age for the most part as well. Her head when they first measured it was exceptionally big. So she was off the charts in her weight and yes, the doctor became concerned and thought about putting her on a diet.

No, she’s not schizophrenic. Doctors have said that’s impossible. She does have a slight bit of ADHD, depression, and anxiety that also is very common in children of fathers who are older.

But it makes you wonder what that really even is. How do these people become so distracted? Could it be that they actually hear way too much from the other side and get distracted in their subconscious from people who can’t shut-up.

So there you go, if Lacey is not biologically your cousin that’s who she is. She is Thomas Banks’s daughter.” says the conquistador.

“I am so confused about why you would accept them as being normal?” says Jonah Wiley. “It just seems a bit hypocritical to say the least!”

(Adult content below)

[the rest will be edited tomorrow.]

“Because sex is real Jonah. And people actually do fuck each other. Not just talk about it on Instagram. And so he was a wealthy old man he had a beautiful house he had millions of dollars his wife was dead and he met a hot Norwegian stewardess. well, Norwegian, American. From an upper middle class family. She was trying to make it big in someway. She was very beautiful. She was skinny and she was a stewardess at a time when it was really cool and chic to be a stewardess. It’s not some thing that people want to be honest about right now if there’s an Illuminati. Partially it’s because Lacey is better looking than Kate, the princess Kate. and partially because princess Kate is princess Kate, and she actually may understand Lacey at times, and that bothers some people. And other people are bothered by the fact that princess Kates mother was a stewardess at all. Because it means that Princess Kate‘s mother was kind of an attractive woman, even if she wasn’t some sex pot from the 1960s on a Pan Am plane. She was still probably more attractive than most women and so is her daughter Kate. And then they can’t argue that her mother was a Golddigger or if she was, she was unusually intelligent because she made millions and a party company. So it runs their at their attack on Kate, it rooms their ego testicle attack on Lacey and they can’t stand that because they’re not either of those two people.

Here’s the thing um, stewardesses were very beautiful as a general as a general trend they are still stewardesses. They’re still flight attendance today both male and female, who still play on that stereotype, but you may not have noticed it.

I am so what happened was that he was on a plane per father in his early 80s or late 70s even and he was good-looking and handsome and tough and viral and he hit on her and he was probably a genius at getting women. No, her father was probably unusually good at getting a date. And so he even in his early 80s or late 70s thought no I am going to hit on this hot stewardess and see what happens and so he did. And they got into a long-term relationship. He paid for her college education. She graduated with a four year degree and he paid for the entire thing they were in a real relationship. He was her sugar daddy essentially. But I have a feeling that there was some actual love between them except she was probably sort of a play girl, and had lots of boyfriends, and I had a very hard time figuring out who to commit herself to, and he was an aging philanderer with a dead wife and a long-term permanent mistress. So they hooked up so to speak, and he paid for this women’s college education, and who knows what else, but there was no plan to ever settle down for whatever reason either she was snubbing him or he was snubbing her or they were snubbing at other. I and it seems if this woman is her mother that one Christmas day or one New Year’s Day or something about that time she got probably stuck in the Minneapolis airport went to go stay with her sugar daddy Tom Banks didn’t use protection he didn’t use protection maybe they got drunk because it was Christmas, and there was some rum punch or something that they had too much of. Don’t over analyze it, but you asked. He and she said fair and he sat there and they decided to just have some fun and so it’s possible that by accident when they were very drunk, they created Lacey. It’s possible that Tom being 88 and getting a little senile even if he was pretty alert for an 88-year-old some 88-year-olds really are that alert that’s just reality. And he was one of them. Except he had a stroke either right before that or right after that so he wasn’t in top condition, but he was still able to get it up so to speak. And so you know they had this long-term committed relationship in a sense and so they were attracted to each other Margy apparently found him irresistible he was you know smitten with her and so he could still make it happen, and they made it happen. And then Lacey was conceived. If she is his daughter that’s what happened to him when he was 88 he lived to be about 92. He died of a stroke or a heart attack. I think it was. He didn’t have dementia he did have Alzheimer’s. He wasn’t senile potentially. Oh, well, he might’ve been a little senile, but no, it went up an elder abuse. He was far more alert than that and they knew a lot less about dementia back then to this is 41 years ago. So he was alert and normal enough and capable enough that Margie thought I’m in love with this man but I’m kind of a bitch I may be giving her too much information about her self but you know I’m kind of a jerk but I’m in love with this man and I’m using him, but I’m still really in love with him so He’s good enough we’re good enough to go and he probably I’m being very blunt. He was probably very good but he probably had a lot of experience with lots of different women and so I mean she’s just 20 something year-old flight attendants, and he has all this money, and he is very handsome and in his own way he has this way about him and he’s mysterious and dark and yet very loving and kind and she probably thought dang and so yes they had a somewhat long-term relationship and then they may have conceived Lacey by accident what will see you was it by accident? I don’t know, but they may they may have conceived her somewhat by accident. So the thing is they conceived her and then they didn’t know what to do.

Tom refused to let Margie have an abortion. Not because he was evil because he was good. He believed that a woman should have an abortion. He actually made every woman who he was in any sort of long-term relationship with him be basically neutered. He forced his wife and his mistress to not be able to have any kids through medical means. That was one of the stipulations for being with him, but Margie may not have had to worry about that because she wasn’t his wife or a long-term mistress. It was somewhat long-term, but it wasn’t apparently serious enough for him to think that she needed to be castrated. Essentially, she was young she was beautiful And he helped pay for things, but she couldn’t live in his house. He had no intention of taking care of her long-term and he might’ve even thought that she should have kids of her own someday partially because Thelma was bitter about that and he didn’t want to ruin Margie‘s life as well. Yes, yes, if Margie and Tom are her birth parents, they brought her into this world, and then Tom didn’t know what to do so he didn’t want her to have an abortion, and then he decided that Margie should probably be taken care of and so he did take care of her during her pregnancy with Lacey if Lacey is her mom and she might’ve even enjoyed that and it might’ve been hard for Selma, but she excepted it. Why would Selma except that because they actually had a sort of agreement and it wasn’t narcissistic and yet it bothered Selma that he was with his wife but that’s a topic that is sort of dumb to discuss right now.

So basically, he took care of Margie he paid for everything you know she got lots of attention from him and then it was like what do we do with the baby? There was talk that time, but keep her there was talk that Thelma wood razor there was some talk that he could find somebody to raise her. Margie didn’t want to raise the baby. She wanted to have an abortion Her and Tom was not OK with that because he really secretly loved his children. That’s why he didn’t wanna bring them into the world because he cared so much so then it was like what do we do with her so then she was trying to find somewhere to put her And he found a real sweet ticket when Jim Craft’s wife possibly had a stillbirth, or the baby died shortly there after being born.

Basically, she spent her first two months, her first 2 1/2 months first two months in Tom’s house with Selma being cared for by Tom and Thelma possibly by Margie but mostly by Tom and Thelma Thelma we give her bottles Tommy give her bottles and I think it was fun for them and Tom likely held her many times.

But he was old and frail slightly and he just thought I don’t want to do this to a child it’s mean to him, so no they were waiting around trying to figure out what to do and I think they just thought that it was a really good idea or if the wells possible Thelma dead And so they thought no no let’s let’s put her in this home. It’s possible that Tom has been miss characterize lately, and he actually was a little less sure about it than Selma was.

Yeah, and no Margie is the mother, but it seems like Margie sort of ran off so to speak. So that when I said she was abandoned by her mom at birth in a way, yes, but not by her, daddy and Thelma may have slightly become a mother figure to her in her subconscious or is she just got very very attached to her dad. So so, so no Lacey had a very traumatic time and yet she didn’t because her and Tom were close. He was an excellent father.

He got angry and mad that she was screaming at times but then I think in the back of his head, he thought no I understand these yells because it reminded him of himself and he thought no I relate to this kid she just needs to calm down and so he kind a hold her and she calm down After a while, she calm down and eventually she’d fall asleep, and he’d fall asleep too and then you know summer would have to sort of move her into a crib so that he didn’t drop her, but at times he may have even strained himself physically to hold her as a very old man, just because he was so happy to have a daughter.

And yes, obviously he thought he was an idiot for not having kids sooner and yes, obviously he didn’t see her because he didn’t think that that was wise you know you don’t wanna ruin the child’s life for confuse them yes so him and he also knew he was going to die so it’s like he didn’t wanna hurt this child by getting them attached to him and he could die very easily within a few years and he did.

So no, she is technically illegitimate Jonah like legally, but the upper class looks the other way in situations like this because there’s sort of maybe an unspoken social protocol where it’s like men or men and so if the child is raised an upper class home or upper class old money even they just except that it’s like oh no it’s a sort of special case. And they teased the child and there is some rejection but it’s not seen as a mark of of a rejection or shame from the class they’re still excepted, and they may even be excepted within the family that they came from, but it would be very heavy depot, very cautious because it’s why aren’t they in the family you know But no, they’re just seeing as a sort of special case. Lacey, being very meek and humble barely gives a shit. Some people who are really aiming towards a sort of social perfection. May have a harder time excepting that about themselves, or excepting that other people are rejecting them and possibly for stupid reasons and she doesn’t care as much as some people might so it really isn’t a rejection of her. Yes but she’s not pristine. She’s not pristine, but it’s not a rejection of her so to speak. It’s not an outright rejection of her and it may not even be an accurate rejection of her at all but it’s something that people find a bit suspicious, but not as a rejection of her in a social class level. It’s more just oh this isn’t typical this isn’t normal. This isn’t what we do as Christians.” says a dead person.

“ so because he found an upper class, old money, family for her to be raised in your able to acknowledge his background?” says Jonah.

“ Yes and we would still try to acknowledge his background even if he had made a mistake and given her to the middle class weird family because even though she’s technically illegitimate, it was the 80s and people were slightly different than they used to be and also, it’s clear that he loves the child and wasn’t actually rejecting it A lot of the people who are rejected who claim to have parents who are famous unfortunately Jonah have mothers who are dirt poor or something like that or they claim to be abandoned by the parents so there’s some sort of suspicion or shame or some thing and then we just sort of wash her hands of it but because he excepted her held her gave her bottles and loved her like a normal parent she’s accepted.” says a dead woman.

“So…she’s never seen as ‘his trash?’” says Jonah.

“NO!!” says a dead French woman. “She’s seen as ‘his tragic daughter.’ But only by people who know. Because she’s in the upper class Old Money she’s possibly just seen as an…unusual person in her family.”

“In her family?” says Jonah.

“The Nesheim Family.” says the French woman.

“Oh! So…she’s accepted as one of them!?” he says.

“Jonah…WHY WOULDN’T SHE BE!?!” says the CIA. “It’s all genuinely secretive.”

“But she’s still technically illegitimate.” says Jonah.

“No. She’s only legally illegitimate. In the US. She’s actually just his daughter.” says the CIA.

“Okay…so…why doesn’t that legality matter?” asks Jonah.

“Because we’re more focused on the actuality of the situation. He stole millions of Dollars through ILLEGAL alcohol. As a bootlegger. But just because he illegally stole the money doesn’t make it less illegal. …Right? Just because he stole the money illegally…doesn’t make it not stealing.” says the CIA.

“But it was still a legality.” says Jonah.

“And legalities are based on social contracts, Jonah. So…the nature of the relationship changes in this case. …Legally she’s illegitimate BUT…because he’s not socially acknowledging Margy as his wife for socially acceptable reasons…in 1980’s America…and he then revoked that agreement and committed to Lacey as his daughter…for all intents and purposes…it’s only a meaningless formality in this specific case and it has no bearing on the matter of her actual legitimacy. …No…she’s his daughter. He just was too old.

You can judge him for being…loose. Sexually. Because he was. You can judge him for being foolish. But…it has no bearing on his caste. Or hers. In this specific case.” says the US Government.

“So you were going to raise her? But you were too old?” a woman asks Tom.

“Yes.” says Tom.

“So she’s been totally erased from our online history.” says a Black comedian, making a good joke about the paltry nature of online history.

“Yeah. Because…they do that. They take short-cuts. …Thelma was his long-term mistress. But that’s been ‘erased’ too.” says the CIA.

“So neither Margy nor Tom were pedophiles!?” says Jonah.

“NO! That’s sick…pathetic…and ignorant. …Some people would prefer to think that they were, like you? But no. Margy was an adult. A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. And Tom was an adult man.” says the CIA.

“But she was so young!” says Jonah.

“She was. She was also an adult though.” says the CIA

“Yeah. But…when do you cut it off?” says Jonah.

“When they’re REAL ADULTS.” says the CIA.

“So how old was Margy?” says Jonah.

“20?” says the CIA.

“She met him when she was 20!?” says Jonah.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“So she was a prostitute!?” he desperately says.

“No! She was a 1980’s stewardess.” says the CIA.

“Jonah…how did you piss of Mollock!?” asks Wall Street.

“I’m not Mollock?!?” says Jonah.

“Nobody said you were.” says the CIA.

“I’m NOT THE PROBLEM!” yells JFK.

“Yuck.” says a female Christian reading her blog.

Another woman laughs.

“He’s obviously accidentally channeling JFK.” says the laughing reader.

“Yeah. And as a Christian I find that…abhorrent.” says the Christian who said yuck.

“I respect that!” says the woman who laughed. “Jonah…hey…why can’t you just be kind?”

“AMEN!!” says Casi.

“Look…you got a great answer. But you clearly hate her.

Why?” says the woman who laughed.

“I had a crush on her.

And yet…I had no plan to ever pursue her.” admits Jonah.

“Okay???” says the woman who laughed.

“Yeah. So…it’s not that I was insecure about my finances. Or anything like that. It’s that…I just…needed more.” says Jonah. “I have LOTS of older female friends. …And 9 times out of 10 they…offer advice.”

“What kind of advice?” says a British man, laughing.

“Advice from their…heart…and years of EXPERIENCE. Okay? I love…knowing what’s going on in my life.” says Jonah.

“So they offer sage advice?” says Chris.

“YES! And their…affection.” says Jonah.

“So like aging mean girls? Who find you attractive? Or what?” says Lucretia Billings.

“No! They’re not mean girls.” says Jonah.

“Well…what kind of advice do they offer?” says Lem.

“Wisdom.” says Jonah.

“Ahh… I have no such wisdom.” says Lacey. “ I can wage war. I can rearrange the entire global economy. In a decade.

I can…write a novel.

Take a decent photo of things.

But…I have no…sage advice.

I have love. I have good advice. I have loving advice. But I don’t have…that sort of cool-kid-club thing.” says Lacey.

Ken Schiebel laughs.

“What is the point of that!?” asks Ken Schiebel.

“To help him fit in?” asks Lacey.

Ken nods.

“So…no. I can’t offer that kind of advice.” says Lacey.

“It’s about more than just fitting in!” says Jonah.

“ Jonah what is it about? I don’t think I have that kind of advice for people either especially after having a husband who committed suicide and yes, frankly inheriting as much money as I have from his family I don’t how will inherit for some reason I just feel like I can’t relate to you anymore, I I don’t I mean that sounds awful but I would bet that I’m probably going to be getting three or $400 a month at least every month unless if we can fix the global warming issue and stop using oil we’re going to end up in our family is light crude, so it’s a little different but we have to completely stop using oil for our family to not still make money and really use oil at all I would think but the point is I would be surprised unfortunately but I mean that I’m pretty liberal on that issue. I would be surprised if I don’t end up making three or $400 a month for the next 10 to 1520 years well OK I don’t necessarily make that much or if I do, that’s not something that people might know her and her family that’s immediate and Angela might share some of the money with us but I will definitely be inheriting it from them 20 years from now maybe 15 years from now and I would expect to still be getting a decent amount every month and it does change your perspective especially when you have a PhD and know it’s just my mind is not I could relate to you better than she could but I think but I can’t really understand you anymore either.” says Kate.

“ Jill Schiebel, could you offer that kind of advice or not?” asks the CIA.

“ no, not really not anymore.” says Jill.

“ Jonah what is this advice?” asks the CIA.

“ yeah so the advice is just about about you know everything from how I trust you my mannerisms or just my my lifestyle choices my perspective on everything those women often just start offering me advice, and yet frankly, it does come across as sexual from a lot of them, which is a little awkward at times but they seem to think that that’s OK Lacey is that awkward to you to do?” says Jonah.

“ to me it seems too maternal and it seems sort of gross. it’s possible they have another perspective, but for me, it would just feel sort of inappropriate. I could never give you advice and that way it’s just weird. And if I did, it would be sexualized the relationship I ended up giving my husband too much advice and not because I was trying to seduce him because he just needed advice at times and so I started doing that too much and then it made the relationship just sort of asexual, and now it’s worked out ironically, because were able to coexist as friends But it it at the time was sort of painful because it sort of desexualized things. But I gave good advice he’s sober. He’s an excellent employee. He’s very stable so I didn’t give bad advice, but I did that out of desperation at him because I I I did care about him and then I realized as I was doing it that I couldn’t care about him in a romantic way, and give him that sort of advice , and so I was sort of shut up and think oh shoot, I shit you know it was at the right thing to tell him that or not and then you know it wasn’t just like a killed everything in me that was romantic for him because I’m not his mother I’m actually younger than him, but you’re too But then slowly over time it just started the sexualizing things possibly for both of us and we still somewhat find a show they’re attractive, but not like we did when we first met he’s a better person. I have a great coparent, but at this point, there’s not a lot of attraction between us he still finds me physically, attractive And I still really appreciate him but there’s not there’s not what there was at the beginning.” says Lacey.

Later.

“So you’ve had serious discussions with Mark about him dating other women?” asks a man reading.

“Yes! Three or four times. But he says he’s not interested right now. If ever.” says Lacey. “And I’m not actually his mother. Nor his weirdo-wife.”

“Jonah…what isn’t sexual about that to those women?” asks Lacey. “When they ‘give you advice?’”

“Because they just…care.” says Jonah.

“As a man?” says Peter Thiel.

“It’s not a typically feminine role. So it’s either maternal or it’s…homosexual…or it’s homosexual.” says a woman. “And the maternal seems…either confused…or perverted.”

“It’s…possibly maternal.” he says. “And confused.”

“Are you sure!?” says a Millennial man.

“What do you mean by homosexual?” says Jonah.

“So…the woman is in charge. And she has an inkling to come on to you. Not the other way around. And that’s actually very slightly homosexual.” says Lem.

“So I become submissive!??” says Jonah.

“DUH.” says the CIA.

“Lacey just…isn’t like that.” says Lem.

“So…you do all the work!?!??” says Jonah.

“YES!!!” says Lem.

“I can’t stand that.” says Jonah.

“Why?” says Lem.

“Well if you’re good in bed…I guess you’re both happy. But for me…it’s just…way too much pressure. I love when women take charge.” says Jonah.

“How do they do that?” says Lacey.

“You just…take charge???” says Jonah.

“But what if they don’t want you?” says Lacey.

“Yeah. I suppose some men get trapped.” says Jonah. “But…I prefer it.”

“How do they do it?” asks Lacey.

“Possibly giving advice. Ahh…” says Jonah.

“Pegging?” says Anderson Cooper, laughing.

“Ahh…

Just…getting in my head.” he says.

“How!??” says Lem.

“Sending dirty pictures? Meaningful messages. Showing off?” says Jonah.

“That’s all super masculine.” says the CIA.

“Jack you hated women who pursued you. Why?” asks a biographer.

“Because they dared to think of themselves as special through my eyes. I felt incredibly superior to them. And it seemed presumptuous.” says JFK.

“What if they were Old Money?” asks the CIA.

“That rarely happened. …But in that case…I resented it less. But I still…found it annoying.” says JFK.

“Because they were women?” asks Japan.

“Yes! And they were…still so very obviously beneath me. Completely.” says JFK.

“But you LOVE IT JONAH?” asks the CIA.

“I feel…it’s…natural.” says Jonah.

“So…when do you make love?” says the CIA.

“Once they prove themselves.” says Jonah.

“Financially?” says a trans man.

Jonah has no idea what to say.

“So you’re looking for a provider?” says Lee.

Jonah laughs. Sighs.

“What’s he look like?” asks Casi.

“Regardless…you want a provider?” asks a woman.

“Mmm…yes.” he admits, sadly.

“So you can take care of the kids?” says a man.

“Ahh…yeah.” he admits, sadly.

“So you aren’t a pervert?” says a reader to Jonah.

“No!” he says. “But I like the thought of having kids…a nice house…a good car…maybe three kids. And doing full time ministry.”

“What’s your partner do?” asks a man.

“She’s a lawyer. Or a doctor. Or a…star??” he says.

“And you stay at home and make star shaped peanut butter sandwiches?” says a woman.

“Yes.” he says.

“And do ministry.” says the CIA.

“YES!!” yells Tsar Putin. “And don’t tell me progress, as you call it, is always for the best. NO!”

“He does seem…weak.” says Aromablog about Jonah. “Those men are. Sadly.”

“It’s not appropriate to put words in Lacey’s mouth. …When she writes these things…she’s writing what she hears. Not her own voice or ideas.” says Michael.

“My husband hated being that way. He HATED it.” says Kate Nesheim. “Why don’t you find it gross?”

“Because he was…upper class Old Money?” says Jonah, scowling.

“I hope not!” says Kate.

Jonah blinks. Looks disturbed. “I’m not gay!” says Jonah.

“Then when do YOU settle down and provide?” says Lem.

“I do!!” says Jonah.

“FOR WHO!??” says Lem.

Jonah looks sad. “It’s hard to find a wife!”

“HOW HARD CAN IT REALLY BE FOR YOU!??” yells Lem. “YOU SEEM SPOILED!!”

“Ahh…excuse me!? If you’re reincarnated…you seem spoiled.” says Jonah.

“That’s what Lacey thinks too…

But…if it was true…I wasn’t. I actually had very few options.” says Lem.

“Because of political considerations?” says Peter Thiel.

“It would have been. But also personal preferences. And…women were loose. And I hated that. If it was real.” says Lem.

“So…you…think I’m spoiled for options?” says Jonah.

“YES.” says Lem. “You have hundreds of ADMIRING fans. …Who send you endless naked pictures. Certainly someone isn’t crazy. And someone is attractive. There must be someone! COME ON! …You seem absurdly picky.” says Lem.

“Well better to be absurdly picky than get stuck with JFK!” says Jonah.

“True! But you can’t…whine about the lack of millions of options!? Because there are people like Lacey, who have practically nobody to choose from.” says Lem.

“ yeah Jonah you seem a little absurd. It’s like I just want to provider but I want to be straight but I want her to be older but younger. I want her to come onto me, but not too much. I want her to be pretty, but not like weird I want her to be a slut. I’m not like a slut slut. But like kind of a slut, but I want her to be rich and super monogamous and never have dated anyone but me.

It’s fine that you’re waiting but there’s also some thing kind of annoying about it because you keep talking about it like it’s a serious issue for you. when do you accept people do you? What is your what OK boys try to figure this out with you what is your acceptance process? I mean dating you seems like getting into Harvard like do you like what? What is your process of acceptance?” says a man.

“ OK so I want someone who’s hot. Someone who’s my age or a tiny bit younger. Someone who’s been a born-again Christian, their entire life. Someone who’s a virgin. Someone who is unusually intelligent and witty. Someone who is kind and caring an incredibly self-aware and loving towards everyone. Someone who’s financially stable. Someone who is well traveled and mature and sophisticated, and down to earth and fun to be with. who is courageous and bold and fierce, and yet sassy and difficult and complicated. Who is fun.

And I don’t see why I shouldn’t just expect all those things because I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. I think that’s kind of just having a standard for yourself.” he says.

“ do you have racial preferences?“ says someone.

“ yes and no.” says Jonah.

“ so this woman has to be absolutely perfect, so what if you never find her?” says a woman.

“then I’ll just wait until I’m in heaven.” he says.

“ Him so then you’ll just never get married but there’s still somebody for you?” says a gay man.

“ no because I think I will find her.” says Jonah.

“ so where will we see you in about 30 years Jonah do you think?” says a gay man.

“ do you think I’m gonna come out of the closet in Maria man? What if I did that would I superior Christian or not? What if I was would I be a strong Christian or would I not be would you still hate me or would you be proud?” says Jonah.

“ I think if you were a born-again Christian and you chose to preach as a married gay man people would be shocked, but they wouldn’t be as shocked as you think and I think you seem gauge more people than you realize and I think it started manifesting when Lacey started following you I think previous to that you had a vibe that was somewhat like Len Billings and you seemed kind of complicated and serious and sweet but weirdly when she started following you, your hair got straighter and then you shaved it all off and then you stop making curls with your hair and then you kind of stopped being a sweet and sensitive as you had been and you started seeming more like a bisexual Irishman Jonah I don’t think you realize this, but I think you channel people or channel dead energy. I don’t think you are almost anything like Lem at all. People thought you were, but you’re really not like him at all when you first started preaching you were more popular sweetie because you were accidentally channeling them. Billings is dead energy. Not him but like his energy, some lingering residual energy of his I don’t know how but I think he probably were but then at some point your whole aesthetic changes and you suddenly start to seem very much like Joe and then you kind of seem like yourself again, but it doesn’t seem like you’re the same as you originally were. I hate that for you because I don’t think it’s what you wanted. I think you want to be a Christian not a psychic.

I have no idea what you’re supposed to do at this point because if this blog is based on truth, we do talk to you most likely and I think you’re a little off I think you’re either bisexual or you’re gay or there’s something about you that you’re just not being honest about You know I don’t know if you’re a little bit pansexual I have no idea but I think you’ve got to be honest Joe know there’s something off about you you can’t just be this victim all the time sexually that you pretend to be where there’s like nobody to choose from And if there is like why why is there nobody for you specifically what’s wrong with everybody because to be honest, you’re describing a type of person who is basically a saint, and not like a person. I know it’s it’s great that you want to marry a saint but yes, there’s got to be a person that you’re looking for not just a like a high standard that’s almost impossible to reach. You need to try to find a specific person and if you can’t do that, I wonder do you even know who you are or do you just channel different things and you never really have ever understood yourself. Who are you? Do you know if you do know that’s great. When do you give yourself to someone? When do you pursue somebody? When do you accept them pursuing you when do you actually connect with somebody?” says the CIA.

“ I can’t imagine how you are able to talk to me.” he says. “ I have no idea what with else to say.”