“Offensive” by Lem Billings

“Let’s talk with one of the men who just blocked Lacey on Instagram.” says Lem. “Hey! What made you unfollow her?”

“I can’t…stand…her.” he says

“I barely interacted with you at all!” says Lacey to him.

“You’re a JERK!” he says to her.

“A jerk?” says Lacey. “That’s a word usually saved for men. …What exactly are you referring to?”

“Do you have any idea what I’m talking about?” he asks her.

“Non!” says Lacey, playfully.

“You’re using people!” he says.

“WHAT!?” says Lacey.

“Okay. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about.” he says.

“Ahh…why did you unfollow me?” says Lacey.

“Oh my GOD!” says another perfume collector. “Are you gay?”

“Yes.” he admits.

“So is she offensive to you?” she says.

“No.” he says. “It’s not that! It’s that I’m mad. ..She followed me. Liked every post. But…I do something special with my posts. And I expected more from her.”

“So you blocked her?” says Lem.

“No! …I know she’s made a huge deal out of people copying her. And so I made it a point…the second she wore anything like me to block her.” he says. “Because I think she deserves it.”

“Why?” asks Aromablog.

“Because! I’m a nice person.” he says. “She’s just a HUGE BITCH!”

“What did I recently post that made you think that!?” asks Lacey.

“Okay…” says a man who occasionally peruses her posts but never likes them or follows her.

“I have friends. She does not. I have time. My bet is that she just ruins everything for herself. Because she’s clearly inferior to me.” he says.

“OH! You’re a clinical narcissist!” says Lem.

“NO.” he says.

“Did you get jealous of my Laura Ashley wallpaper?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” he says.

“You started to lose your shit when you realized I’m not a liar or a crazy person. Didn’t you? And so you just lost your tolerance for me.” says Lacey.

“Yes.” he says.

“I’m not a bitch. And it’s WEIRD and very risky on your part to have done what you did.” says Lacey.

“Actually…she’s right.” says Tsar Putin.

“HOLY SHIT!” says Mira.

“Yeah. I’ve realized this could be real.” says Ekaterina.

“I did nothing to you.” says Lacey to the weird man.

“So you just randomly blocked her?” says Jan.

“I felt…attacked.” he says.

“By what?” says Jan.

“Okay. …She’s obviously wealthier than me. And I got sick of feeling…put down.” he says.

“Or having your narcissistic delusions burst?” says the CIA.

“Okay! She didn’t do anything. …But…I just…enjoyed feeling…hurtful. Because…I hated her blog. And I found the Lem storyline offensive. And…I just felt…put down.” he says.

“I don’t understand how! Outside of you being possessed by Jack Kennedy.” says a woman.

“Her posts just felt like a personal attack to me.” he says.

“You hallucinated, I think. She has called out people before. But…that was me. Not you.” says a perfume collector who’s still following her. “I kinda doubt she hears or knows everything…and I’m fairly certain…she has had no idea you even unfollowed her until today. …I’m pretty sure you hallucinated.”

“That’s what I worried about.” he says.

“THEN WHY DID YOU BLOCK ME!?” says Lacey.

“Yes, crap!

So you’re calling this out because you’re realizing that there could be people in the world who are trying to play with your head for political reasons if this blog is not just fiction, and you’re realizing that you need to say something because you probably got attached to something I did in like a healthy positive way. And it was really triggering to you when you realized tonight that I had unfollowed you and blocked you. Why couldn’t you- Did you check to see if they got rid of my whole account or did you just assume that I blocked you?” he says.

“I can’t remember your name. Your name, the name of your account is literally blocked from my head. I literally can’t remember your name and it’s just like a total empty space. It’s almost like something is preventing me from even remembering your name at all.” says Lacey.

“Oh. I think I imagined that you were fighting with me months ago.” he says.

“ OK so full disclosure she started her perfume blog in 2014 when I was first trying to navigate tensions in Ukraine and I was realizing that they were trafficking children around that time because I was having financial discussions with America in the Obama administration and I felt as though they were being dishonest with me about some different matters and so I started looking into what was going on, and my spies were telling me that there were Americans channeling money, and from children being sold into slavery, but I couldn’t believe, but that’s really what they were doing to those kids. I could tell the children were suffering, and I couldn’t take advantage of the situation because to me as a Christian, it’s dirty money that’s just repulsive. No I just found I think I just found them absolute repo absolutely repulsive. So that’s when I first started deciding to attack I didn’t want to. I was first negotiate negotiation negotiations with Obama upstairs him and we were talking about the real issues at hand and he can fight it in me as a friend not a lover, but as a friend that he wasn’t sure what to do I believe his exact words were hey you’ve got to make money somehow right basically that America‘s hands were tied urgent I need to pay for Obamacare and the wars that we were for that they were that you were fighting an a lot of other spending issues that he honestly messed up with that they were having to compensate America’s heavily in debt so it was around that time that she started, her perfume block , and that’s when things got really ugly because no, she was talking of Scott Fitzgerald‘s ghost. He underestimated the influence of the oil in her family or something and I I don’t think people realize when they’re getting angry at her in the perfume community that it’s not really wise to just go assuming things with people like that and it’s a specially unwise when they’re making it clear and obvious that there’s some thing that’s incredibly wrong with the situation so to speak

I didn’t personally do it. I don’t know if spies did it. I don’t know if somebody paid somebody off to do it in America I don’t know who or what inspire the situation, but I would not be surprised if there was someone who aggravated her and and just got the entire thing rolling, with the idea of me, contacting her through the illuminati and being able to connect with her spiritually in a way that created a sort of avenue for me to defend myself.” says Putin. “ when she was a very little girl, there were Russian people who lived in the apartment building where her parents lived who thought who thought that she were was absolutely adorable, and they wanted for some reason to take her picture. No, I don’t think they were perverts. No I don’t think they were perverts. I think there was something about her we’ve been trying to possibly figure out who they were but there was some thing about her that inspired them to take her picture. They were older Russians, who had fled from Russia yes and I suspect that there that there is some connection between those people and me I think that they thought we would be interesting together and they saw an avenue and they took it. No I don’t think they did it in a normal way. I think they were inspired by the dead, and that is not some thing that I think I shall keep talking about at the current moment.” says Putin.

“So…we shouldn’t unfollow her. Unless we are sure we should?” says the guy who did.

“DUH!!!” yells Kate Nesheim. “DUH!!!”

“Well I just felt put down.” says the man who unfollowed her.

“That was in your imagination. She actually really enjoyed your posts.” says the CIA.

“So you know that!?” he says.

“Yes!” says the CIA. “Look…telepathy is what we use. It’s real.”

“Be careful.” says Lacey.

“Yes! Be careful. Putin is…brilliant.” says Lem. “But actually…you should be more aware of yourself first, if you’re an adult in the perfume community. She’s not…cruel.”