“This Is Not MY Story”

September by Wallerstedt plays.

Sex with Tsar Vladimir Putin is awe-inspiring. He’s a genius. …But why wouldn’t he be?

The song ends.

September (slowed + reverb) by Wallerstedt plays.

A brilliant…sensitive…profound man…is bound to be great in bed. Especially when he’s handsome and real.

Lacey did not have sex with Vladimir Putin last night. But she has. And he is…awe-inspiring.

“America? Why?” says Anthony from Hotel Impossible.

Why doesn’t America have crowned prince? Well…we just don’t. …I suppose we didn’t want that. Huh…

But the thing is…we don’t have one. And so this morning…as we sit down with US military officials…and the sexy, dashing, amazing Tsar Vladimir Putin…I call him a TSAR. A CZAR.

Why do I call him a tsar? BECAUSE HE IS ONE. In my estimation. …And tsars…are tsars. And…I’m not Russian. And…because of my freedom of free speech as an American…I can say it. I can call PUTIN….A TSAR.

Of course…he wouldn’t call himself that. That’s not who he is…right now at least. And out of respect for him…I respect him. But…I am in AMERICA. And so I will call him a tsar.

And from that position of power for the US I will now moderate their discussion.

“What exactly is it you fools want from him?” I say.

Putin laughs.

“We think his mummy should go home.” says a US military hack.

“Nope.” says Lacey. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m too damn stubborn.” She winks at them, viciously.

Her breakfast is served to her. At her very private club where she wears a sample of Mind Games Gambit. Although she’ll never buy it. Because they made it into a man’s fragrance for players. And *she laughs* that’s simply not who she is.

“We don’t know how to end the war in Russia.” says the U.S.

“Why are WE ENDING THE WAR!?” says Elliott Roosevelt.

“Yes. Why are we ending it?” says Lacey.

“Look you wanted to fight a war. Cool. We appreciate that. …But wars are…bad.” says an American man in the US military stupidly and condescendingly to Putin.

“I don’t understand what you want me to do!” says Alexei, like a kid in a Macaulay Caulkin movie.

“We want you to end the war! NOW!” says the US.

“No can do. Suckers.” says Tsar Vladimir Putin.

“Geez!! That KID! That little prick!!” says the US. “MAN, I’m starting to lose my shit!”

“Look…you want it your way…and I want it mine.” says Putin. He shrugs. “We can negotiate. But ahh…I’ve got nukes.”

“YOU DO. Do you know how to use them?” says the US.

“YUP! Sure do!” says North Korea.

“How’d you get all of your power anyway? You stupid little kid.” says the US to Tsar Vladimir Putin.

North Korea considers genuinely explaining. But then realizes that’s stupid. Cuts himself off. Awkwardly.

“Look! He’s a smart kid! Give him a chance.” says Iran.

“To DO WHAT!?” says the US. “You can’t expect us to let him run the world!”

“Gee. Why not?” says China.

“Because!! WE’RE RUNNING THE WORLD!” says the US.

“Says who!??” yells Syria.

“US!!” yells the US. “Hey! That was cool. Did you see what I did there? US? U. S.?”

“Okay…so…you have a desire to run the world. And so does Tsar Putin.

My goodness.

Can you boys work it out?” says Lacey.

“No! Because he wants Ukraine.” says Malaysia. “And the US doesn’t like that!”

“Is that really true though?” says Lacey.

The US looks baffled.

“So did you two actually have sex as May and Alexei?” asks the US.

Putin thinks. “How old was she?”

“She was about 16 years older than you.” says an American pedophile, kindly.

Putin lays with a riffle on a dewy country estate. In Russia. In 1930. Starring up at the cloudy sky. Did he make love to May? Or not?

“So I’m 40…and she’s 56? Or I’m 30…and- No…she’s…46? But she’s May.” he says.

He sits up.

September by Wallerstedt plays.

He thinks. “Maybe. But…she’s with Lem. And…he’s Billy. So…

But…our souls are the same age anyway. Somehow.

I was brutally assassinated after being tortured you know? I wasn’t shot in a parade in my honor. In a sports-car. I was shot in…a basement.” says Putin.

He fires shots into the air.

“Sorry to scare you.” he says.

“Let’s work with him!” says JD Vance. “Let’s try to work with him.”

“No!” says Putin. “I WILL NOT WORK WITH TRAITORS!!” he shouts, like a handsome, dashing real gentleman.

“He doesn’t have to.” says China.

“Alright. Alexei…” starts King Charles III.

“Be careful. You’re not Russian!” yells Lacey.

“But they were quiet, meek, gentle people!” says King Charles III, mocking himself.

“Yes! Very quiet. Very…poor and dull?” says Lacey.

“They weren’t.” says Lem.

“I barely understand Russia.” admits King Charles III.

“It’s WILD.” says Lacey. “It’s a bit like England. But WILD.”

“You’re rich!” says King Charles III to Alexei.

“Yes.” says Tsar Putin.

“Gosh…we aren’t.” says King Charles III. “And that’s our problem, Alexei. We just aren’t.”

The song ends.

The Olympic Spirit by John Williams plays.

“Oh. So you’re selling children…to host the Olympics?” says Russia.

“Dammit.” says Great Britain.

Putin laughs. “What!? It’s true!” he says.

“FUCK!” says King Charles III, in some agreement with Putin.

Lacey laughs.

“See…it’s just…weird. And obviously wrong.” says Lacey.

Putin laughs. “Look…Charles…I do sympathize. Of course! …But…well…I can’t…surrender my morals. For your budgetary…needs.”

Charles laughs.

“We aren’t that bad off!” says Charles III to Alexei.

The song ends.

“No. But…the Olympic snub? Really? You don’t think that bothers me!?” says Putin.

Charles sighs.

“I’m sorry.” Queen Elizabeth II says to her son.

Compass and Guns by Thomas Newman plays.

“Look…I think Great Britain was the greatest nation in the world.” says Lacey to King Charles III. “And in a way…it still is. Maybe.

But…we can’t sort things out the way we want. Not anymore.

I would let him have Ukraine. It actually makes…Hungary safer for us. And Greece. Even Germany feels safer. As does China. Gosh! The world feels safer.

But…we are in debt…if only in our minds…to the United States. And so we have to…not arbitrate. But just listen.

Except…I’m not British. Or am I?” says Lacey.

“Why is Ukraine really essential!?” says Norway.

“It’s about honor? Non! Because they’re selling children into horror-slavery. …THEY ARE SELLING PEOPLE. …And yes…it’s below the table. But I refuse to think that’s acceptable.

So…if we’re being honest…the honor of the United Nations, and NATO and all those other shit-organizations that barely ever did anything anyway…is null and void.” says Lacey. “So…the idea that Ukraine has to be a country? It’s archaic.” says Lacey.

“YOU ARE RIGHT!” yells Turkey.

“But then how do we hold it all together?” says King Charles III.

“Well…how was it staying together?” says Lacey. “OIL. Goods. Sex. Hollywood. Tourism. …Money!

The Global Warming Index, we’ll call it, is too high. It’s affecting our psychology.

NATO and all those type of things…were only effective…because of oil, money, guns and Twinkies. Without them…who really gives a damn?” says Lacey.

“This is getting too meta!” says Mark Zuckerberg, jokingly.

“Except not for me. Nor for Tsar Putin.” says Lacey.

“You know…we barely were involved in NATO.” says Syria.

“Right! You’re such fakers. Such players.” says Lacey to the West. “Except…I know Charles loves Camilla. He’d like to be a tampon in her vagina. Really. He would. My gosh! No…that is real love. Real love.

So…that’s hopeful.

But then…what then?” says Lacey.

Charles sighs.

“NATO means something to these people.” he says to Lacey.

“AHH!!! But we’re not colonialists? We’re not…anti-pluralists? We BELIEVE in pluralism? So…why does Syria…not matter?” asks Lacey. “What a beautiful name. Syria.”

The Farm by Thomas Newman plays.

“Ukraine is most likely toast!” says Lacey. “If we’re being honest. You can’t ‘kill Christ’ to appease an Iranian mayor in London…and then get off on Christ a year later. He’s rotting. With maggots.”

“Right. So…how exactly do you expect to win?” asks a group of Muslims in London. “I’m not ENGLISH. ARE YOU BLIND!?”

Japan runs and hides as The Magnificent Seven plays.

Lacey laughs.

“Actually she’s right. We can’t both do pluralism and tolerance and racism.” says a Jew in London.

“DEMOCRACY!” shouts America. “It’s not racism! We’re spreading DEMOCRACY!!!”

They ride in on cowboys, who ride on horses. With lots of guns.

“At least they still have the clothes, guns, and horses!” says Japan. “Jack must not have been into Westerns. At least not in the right way.”

The song ends. Gloriously. In Red Wing, Minnesota.

“So! Then what…do we do?” asks Lacey.

“She’s right.” says Abu Dhabi.

“We’ve spread pedophilia everywhere!” says an evil psychopathic American.

“Ahh…yah! The ‘normal people’ who are supposed to care…are braindead, useless, nothings. Who have been vaccinated into Bobby’s World. Of nothingness. They didn’t get ‘the jab’ but they did get fooled into believing it was sexy and cool to try to molest your kids and call it sex. And now they’re too weak and zombie-like to care?! And possibly drive safely.” says Lacey. “Except Thanksgiving is nice. On safe lead-free plates. So…we don’t want to ruin the fun for actual normal people. So I guess we can’t pull that lever and start thousands of mass car accidents yet.” says Lacey to someone.

The Mission Theme by John Williams plays.

“So…why does your NATO matter!?” asks all of Islam.

“OH! NATO matters because…a menage a trois with a dog, a cat and a fat man in a basement…is a great way to kick off the Olympics. FOR THE SAKE OF FREEDOM FRIES!” says Lacey.

2:46

“Fine. I’ll surrender.” says Putin. “YOU GOT ME!”

The song ends.

“Did we get ‘em? With the cool music?!? And the concept of Freedom Fries!??” says this American man, who looked like this as a little boy:

“YEAH! YOU WON!!!” says Lacey, humoring them in jest.

They cheer.

“Gee…Timmy…wow.” says a dead dad (also humoring their American children.)

Bugler’s Dream and Olympic Fanfare Medley plays as Lacey stands in for Lem. Handing out gold medals.

0:59

Except…then she ties nooses around everyone’s necks. Just to keep track of them.

“You’ve actually put a noose spiritually around everyone alive?” says Syria to Lacey.

“Yes! I’ve actually done that several times. Or a couple. Absolutely.” says Lacey.

“Oh! How clever!” says King Charles III.

“It’s between me and God. So I’m not terribly worried.” says Lacey.

She yawns as the song ends.

“Christ?” says the Duke of Kent.

“Yes!!” says Lacey.

“Oh. Sounds very British.” he says.

Colonel Bogey March as played by The Boston Pops Orchestra plays.

“It might be.” says Lacey.

“They’re right. If it’s racism…call it that.” says Syria. “At least you can still hold a sane conversation that way.”

“I AGREE!” says Lacey.

2:43

“So do I!” says Putin.

The song ends.

Service Medley – Armed Forces Medley as performed by the U.S. Coast Guard Band plays.

“Ahh…but…as the pluralists know…Syria might not be stupid.” says Lacey.

“So…you feel superior to dark people. But you also…respect them?” says a reader to the Duke of Kent.

“YIP. …I do. Possibly somewhat.

I don’t think I’m superior enough to harm them. Necessarily. But I do…feel…quite genetically superior. Yes! And you know…maybe I am.” he says.

“Well…we feel superior to you.” says Africa.

Shake Your Groove Thing by Peaches & Herb plays.

“Nah. Lem can fuck to that.” says Lacey.

“But he done said he was a little nigger.” says a Black man in Africa.

Lacey thinks.

“So can I!” says the Duke of Kent.

Africa laughs. “Fine. Maybe y’all bleached niggers.”

“They aren’t niggers. And you are darker.” says Lacey to Africa.

“True.” says Africa. “They’re Black men in their hearts? Or…we all are a little.”

“Actually I thought we originated in Persia?” says Lacey.

Africa laughs.

“I’m just not convinced we were all from Africa. I could be wrong. But I really had it in my head we were from Iraq. Or somewhere near there.” says Lacey.

“We could be. …And then we mostly immigrated to Africa?” says an African to Lacey.

“Maybe.” says another African.

“Listen…Lem’s virility is…a fascinating topic. But…we have a war to settle. Or fight.” says Lacey.

“I just don’t think we’re inferior.” says Syria.

“How would we be able to fully concede that? It’s not safe.” says Lacey.

“You’re right!” says Syria.

“You might be superior to us. …Although I genuinely do doubt it. The Duke of Kent probably could and maybe still can dance.” says Lacey.

“Fair!” says Syria.

“So…NATO.” says Lacey.

“Yeah.” says Syria. “We’re not allowed in.”

More Than A Woman by the Bee Gees plays.

“Oh! Right! Damn.” says Lacey. “Oh. …So whatchu in for?”

“Human RIGHTS!” says Syria.

“That’s what I thought.” says Lacey. “Why you do that?”

“To repress my own people.” says Syria.

“Did you spank ‘em’?” says Lacey.

Syria laughs. “No! We shot them!”

“And beat them?” says Lacey.

“Sometimes.” says Syria.

“What I can’t stand is how stupid the US is on this issue. I think like a Brit not a fucking dumbass from Hellville. Why were you beating your people? I wish I knew. I’m sorry I don’t.” says Lacey to Syria.

“Because…well no you you probably know why, because they were acting up. *Syria laughs* No we didn’t spank them. I think Americans might think of us as some sort of evil parent who’s over-spanking our children.” 

“Yes, exactly!

No it was because they were they were essentially acting-up.

Yes I know you’re just trying to maintain power over your country!

And unless if people wanna turn the entire world into some sort of mass Irish-paradise-anarchy-world and totally dismantle all of our monetary systems…we do have to see that Syria may actually be within the grounds of real human rights in shooting and beating their own people. …They’re not shooting and beating our people they’re shooting and beating their own people and obviously we may have some contentions. We may have some issues with it…but you have to recall that we’re doing that through Christ and our view of the world through Christianity.

If that’s not the stance you want to take, that it’s through Christ, that we’re taking them on…then in all actuality the human rights offenses that we claim that they’re doing are in this specific case possibly nonsense. So you can’t think like a dumbass from Boston who wanted to make Lem Billings gay and was worried about over-spanking his kids. You have to think like an actual intellectual.” says Lacey.

“Ahh…I’m starting to think JD and Usha are actually just American-pseudo-credential idiots.” says a reader.

Just The Two of Us by Grover Washington, Jr. plays.

“So…you probably should be in NATO. Or someone needs to explain what the point of NATO really is?” says Lacey to Syria.

Charles III laughs.

“It might be racist.” says King Charles III.

“It probably is.” says Lacey.

Syria nods.

“They do keep Africa poor using NATO. But we’ve always looked the other way.” says King Charles III.

“Well! How do you think I feel about that!?” says Russia. “It’s my hood.”

“SHIT!” says King Charles III.

“Yeah. …So…that’s the trouble. NATO has the whole world in a stranglehold.” says Lacey. “And who controls NATO? The American middle class. Mostly the American Upper Middle Class.”

Love Song for a Savior as performed by Chi Rho plays.

“So let’s let JD Vance explain…to Syria why it can’t get into NATO because it refuses to suck Jesus’s cock!” says Lacey. “Or let’s let Kamala make jokes.”

“Make a joke Kamala!” says Syria.

“I don’t. You bow! Because I’m rich. And you’re a poor-ass darkie country.” says Vice President Kamala Harris to Syria.

“I think on behalf of the Old Money upper class as much as that that’s an interesting position to take Kamala, because in reality that is the stance you’re taking, I would really prefer having JD Vance explain instead to Syria why they can’t join NATO because they refuse to suck Jesus’s cock. What’s wrong with Jesus’s cock. He’s perfectly fine! It’s nice! It’s probably circumcised! I’m sure he keeps clean. He probably kept kosher maybe not but maybe… Umm no actually I think he probably did because he hadn’t died yet, so I have a feeling he probably did keep kosher so he’s kosher, he’s clean, circumcised. He was probably a very nice man! Very handsome. Why won’t you play Snickle with him?” says Paula Baker to Syria.

“Well because He’s- We could probably play Snickle with him except based on the premise of Christianity-

No I’m just saying we would probably be very willing to play Snickle with Him but the problem is Paula: He is supposed to be half God and so our people find that abhorrent because you’re not supposed to suck the cock of God, essentially. Or rather, let’s see, because He’s the Son of God so you’re not supposed to suck God’s Son’s cock because He would be half God and so the part of Him that’s God probably doesn’t want to have His cock sucked by a human such as myself or be fucked in the ass. So that would be our contention with allowing Him to join us in a game of Snickle.” says Syria.

“I don’t know! I kind of think maybe He would kinda want to have his ass smacked and fucked tehee.” says a gay male perfume collector.

“Oh geez, you think Jesus would like to get fucked by you? Why is that honey cakes?” says Lacey.

“Hey…listen to the lyrics of that song! Prince Charles has a right to know! Hey, Prince Charles, do you know about Jesus?” yells America.

“Everyone needs Jesus! Listen to the lyrics of the song bitch and put out!” says Lacey jokingly to Syria.

“I’’m sorry that is very compelling. And he’s circumcised! Sounds like he’s a real…real fun guy! Better indeed! But…I don’t think…even so…that my people would want to play Snickle with a man who is also half God.” says Syria.

“But NATO insists that you have to. Yeah Saint Jack Kennedy came from a very common family in a way. There are lots of a cannibalistic back-alley-cocksuckers who invented NATO. So shit…I’m sorry you have to suck Jesus‘s cock if you want to join NATO.

I’m only joking, obviously, but I’m just explain.” says Lacey to Syria.

“What does it mean to suck Jesus‘s cock, Lacey?” asks Syria.

September by Wallerstedt plays.

“I imagine it’s a bit like sucking Lem’s cock. Which I’ve done many times. Except…IT IS SUCKING LEM’S COCK FOR ME.” says Lacey, with melancholy. “God created sex. …And that’s where I’m a bit more like you. Than them. THANK GOD. …I feel very sorry for them. But we have to deal with them. Because they took over the world damn world through America.”

“Are you fools?” Lem says to Islam.

“No. Cowards?” says Islam.

“Then you’re cowards.

Except Tsar Vladimir Putin doesn’t feel that way. Does he?” says Lacey to Islam.

“No. I have to work with them.” says Putin.

“Then what are they after? Because…if they slit your throat…you die.” says Lacey. “But all it proves…is that the world has become too worthless to live in.”

“Cowards. That’s enough.” says American Muslim. “It’s enough.”

“It is. If you’re angry enough about millions of children being sent to living Hell…a Hell they’ve been brainwashed into thinking is eternal…thanks to quack atheism. And don’t tell me there’s no way out. I already know. What’s done is done! You’ve sent millions of children to living HELL. HELL.” says Lacey.

“To host the Olympics!” says Alexei Romanov.

“Yeah. I agree!” says Syria. “PRAISE GOD!”

“That isn’t REAL!” says Islam to the children being molested through Christ. “It’s not real sex. You’re being very confused.”

“And you thought America wasn’t the Great Satan!” says Iran to Lacey.

“It’s not. I’ve checked. Satan is Satan.” says Lacey.

“So what do we do with NATO?” asks King Charles III.

“What do I want to do with it?” asks Tsar Putin.

“Trash it?” says King Charles III.

“They’ll lose it. They’ll never…understand.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. BRICS.” says Putin.

“How bad is that for the British really?” says Lacey to Great Britain.

“Not bad.” says Prince William.

“Then why not do it?” says Lacey. “I don’t think Syria can possibly be expected to play Snickle with Jesus. At the very least!”

“But then NATO is a nothing and a nobody!?” says India.

“Well…everyone else will be fine.” says Lacey.

“I’m not…going to war.” says Jonah Wiley. “YOU CANNOT MAKE ME!!”

“Yeah. It’s an American thing…after all.” says India.

“Whores.” says Lacey. “Violently social climbing whores. Thank God I only inherited my mother’s…

Actually what did I inherit from her?”

“Not us! She means Margy.” say the Seays.

“She’s barely like her, at all.” says Tom Banks. “We’ve extensively checked.”

“What happens to The United Nations?” asks the US.

“As Kofi.” says Lacey. “Or tell the United Nations to suck Jack Kennedy’s cock harder. And harder. He’s in a very bad mood. And he NEEDS to cum. NOW!”

We Are The Children by U. S. A. for Africa plays.

“If you don’t mind…I’d like to be left out of this.” says a little redheaded Irish boy.

“That kid is crying. Because he’s sick of being your beard.” says Lacey to the Kennedys. “Your beard for real evil. He looks like a cute, lovable version of Jack Schlossberg and JFK. And Joe II. WHY…are you all thee white peoples. THEE white peoples? …Why is the white boy Jack Kennedy bullying a poor Irish boy?”

Love Song For a Savior plays as Jack Schlossberg and Joe II use their ugly overly structured faces and scrawny-ass bodies to try to seduce Syria, Libya and Nepal into sucking Jesus’s cock.

“Leave me out! My mother wasn’t a total bitch. So I’m kinda good looking.” says Joe Kennedy III or II or whatever it even is.

“I thought you were II?” says Lacey.

“So you really actually can almost guarantee that you saw a number II next to my father’s name somewhere on the Internet?” says Joe III.

“Yes, you changed it to try to trick me or you changed it because you knew that what I was saying made sense and if you did, I bet I have screenshots somewhere to prove that. That being said, I’m almost positive if you didn’t change it at some point yes I did see the number one not two next to your father’s name, and it was very offensive but-but if you fixed it or if I simply was being misled somehow I’m not an idiot I’m sorry. And I think you still would like to think I am one but I’m not. So there is an intentional misunderstanding or you fixed it then?

Yes he is handsome. He’s not as good-looking as my supposed second cousin but Joe you are good-looking, so I guess we’ll just have to leave you out of it. And I have to think that has something to do with your mother. I’m sorry that would be Sheila who I’m referring to because your father is not that good-looking. He’s kind of icky looking. Your great uncle was handsome, your grandfather was handsome. Your father is sort of handsome and sort of icky looking so I have to think it’s your mother’s doing that you’re not quite as ugly as your second cousin, Jack Schlossberg.” says Lacey to Joe Kennedy III or Joe Kennedy II.

In The Light by DC Talk plays instead. For Jack Schlossberg. Not because Joe III (?) is safe or good…but because we’re going for the JFK experience. The full-throttle Range Rover overdrive.

In The Light by DC Talk plays as Jack Schlossberg poses and JFK twerks in a black glitter thong.

“Honesty becomes me.” says JFK.

“What’s going on inside you?” asks Lacey.

“I want to be. I want to be. IN THE LIGHT.” says Japan mockingly of its own evil.

The song starts over.

“Wow!!!” says Lacey.

Y.M.C.A by Village People plays.

“Jack. Why did you put your clothes back on?” asks an average looking Black male exotic dancer.

0:32

“I’m just…not sure.” says JFK.

1:13

“I like my clothes.” says JFK, shrugging.

“Jack…we don’t do that. They wanna see your cock. In Snickle. That’s the whole point.” says the Iranian.

“I don’t place nickel. I don’t place nickel I’m a Christian.” says Jack Kennedy in a Japanese accent.

“But Jack, if you want to convince the world community that we shouldn’t just use a lot of other currencies or rely on something other than the US Dollar then you’re gonna have to place nickel.” says an Iranian woman.

“I see what you’re doing. You’re talking about nickel and iron all.” says JFK, who refuses to take off his clothes.

“Jack I’ve seen you having sex with men. I’ve seen you many times manifesting Lem’s demon impersonator and trying to have anal sex with him at a lot of Illuminati parties. I’ve seen you do that…and you’re both naked. I’ve seen you dress in a thong and take it off to try to seduce people in Parliament. I’ve seen you try to seduce Joe Biden but I don’t understand why you can’t just take your clothes off right now and help the US government.” says an Iranian woman.

“You know why! You are lying pig! And lying DOG!” says JFK, in a sad quiet voice.

“Jack, you just don’t want us to see what you look like naked because then you have to admit that Lem was probably straight and that you’re crazy for thinking he was in love with you at all…but you know sweetie I think you could just kind of think about Jackie and the fact that she thought you were attractive naked…and then just sort of leave it at that.” says an American female exotic dancer to JFK. 

“I’m sorry I don’t think I have what it takes. So I think we have to send in my son. They say he’s sexy hot man on People magazine.” says JFK.

“It’s a matter of inches.” jokes Zelda. “Many inches!”

“Oh well. Maybe Iran will take the hard sell.” says Lacey.

“Did it! Done it!!” yells Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“Well I don’t feel comfortable masturbating in public. Sorry I feel kind of awkward about that.” says Jack Schlossberg.

Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey plays.

“That’s OK Jack. JFK Junior already masturbated in front of everyone so you can just stand there with your clothes off and make poses for now.” says a female American exotic dancer. 

“When does Jesus show up?” jokes Iran.

“He doesn’t you’re supposed to-You’re supposed to suck their cock and then through Allah you suck Jesus or possibly through Jesus in Jack Schlossberg’s heart you suck Jesus.” says Lacey.

“But that’s not Jesus though Lacey.” says Iran.

“No it’s not and obviously you and I both know that that’s not really what the Christian people think. But I didn’t wanna have to bring out the big show.” says Lacey.

“I want to see the big show.” says a Muslim man in Africa. 

3:00

“OK fine we can do the big show.” says Lacey.

The song ends.