“￼Bobby’s Trip Home” by Lem

“So you were tricked into believing Chris Hayes might care about you deeply?” says Vladimir Putin to Lacey.

You Only Live Twice (Instrumental) by John Barry plays to fool Lem into thinking Jack is his twin flame. Jack Kennedy.

“I didn’t believe it, if there’s reincarnation.” says Lem. “But Jack Kennedy did or does try stuff like this.”

“Why don’t you tell us your thoughts on Sex And The City, Lacey.” says Sarah Jessica Parker.

“I barely care right now.” says Lacey.

“Yup. She did get fooled.” says Lem. “Yes, Putin. She did. Is that all you have to say!?”

“He’s busy.” says a man.

“OF COURSE!” says Lacey.

“So..you sincerely thought we could be together?” says Michael Rockefeller. “Except that wasn’t me. That was Chris Hayes.”

“Yes. She did.” says Lem.

“So…you’re killing and torturing the Nesheims…because they privately own TRILLIONS in oil, natural gas and other resources?” says a perfume collector.

Silence.

“Yup. Uhuh. That’s what you’re doing. …They’re not unsafe…but you’re all too American to let them own it? Anywhere else in the world they’d just let them be what they are. Old Money aristocrats. With well tended immensely necessary resources. But here you can’t fucking keep your shit together!!” yells a perfume collector.

“Yeah, we do Flint Michigan, totally fuck the shit out of the auto industry and then sodomize their children and then dump them in a gutter to fend for their own fucking lives and then we find the children of our uber elites, the real super elite like you and then decide to crucify them in some perverse Jesus style fashion.” says Michael Moore to Lacey.

William Tell – Overture as performed by The London Symphony plays.

“If there’s someone reading this who could write her a message and just say, ‘Are you OK?’ other than me why don’t you do that?” says Vladimir Putin.

“See…there just isn’t necessarily anyone that could do that to be honest. With you? Well how would you do that? Let me give you a suggestion: You could probably tell her telepathically that you were going to write her a message via email in the mail and you could probably get it here. So why don’t you just do that?” says Zeus.

“Yeah…if I was single, I’d probably sleep with her yes. And I’d bet that there’s a lot of men who would. I don’t know why you guys don’t understand what happened but that’s OK! I could explain it to you! I live next to her. I’m actually friends with Tim Walz, my brother introduced him at the DNC I’ll say, and I have a house worth over a half $1 million! OKAY!? And my wife doesn’t work! …I am upper middle class I’m not in her social class but I am not a peasant either…and I resent being called one by you people! You are all batshit fucking crazy and I’m sick of it!” says Lacey’s neighbor.

“AMEN!!” yells a woman in Wisconsin.

Dust by Hans Zimmer plays.

“The problem is Lacey…”if I send you a letter it’s going to drive me crazy. Yes…it would drive me crazy. What are you going to say back to me. How would I know it’s you responding.” says Tsar Putin.

“Oh, that’s true. I suppose you wouldn’t know for sure, and that would be pretty terrible I guess, if you care.” says Lacey.

“No, that would be awful. I agree, obviously yes.” says a living British woman.

“Yes…so see that would be terrible for you I suppose wouldn’t it? Shoot…bad idea.” says Lacey.

“You can’t be serious!? My own fucking country!?” says Tsar Putin.

“Are you saying right now that I am not good enough for you or are you saying something else?” says Lacey.

“Oh, yes!” he says, laughing nervously.

“No that’s bullshit, that’s absolute fucking bullshit. I’m sorry, you’re wrong. There are millions of women who are good enough for you. Would you like me to explain that to you or are you too stupid?” says Lacey.

“I’m trying to hurt you!” says Putin.

“I don’t fucking give a shit what little childish bullshit antic you’re up to! You stupidly obviously do not understand social class yourself whether there’s reincarnation or not. There are literally millions of women who are perfectly suitable for you to marry! I would be one of them…and there are many others! I’m not special in that regard. I’m one of a million women or one of millions. There are literally there are probably- No I would bet…I would guess 5 or 6 million women alive who would be perfectly suitable for you to marry. Perfectly acceptable! That’s just reality! I don’t know what fucking idiotic world you’re living in but the truth is as far as I can tell there are literally about probably 5 or 6 million women who you could easily marry… and why would you want to marry them?? I know not necessarily! ….Then there are probably a few thousand who you would want to marry and then there are probably even smaller numbers within those ranks who would be really suitable for you…and then there are probably maybe 100 to 200 who would be super perfect and then there’s probably may be 50 who you would be extraordinarily excited to marry, and then there’d be 20 within that who you would be extraordinarily excited extraordinarily excited to marry and I’m not completely sure if I would be part of that group anymore or not…because it seems like you’re just sort of psychotic or stupid or evil or something.” says Lacey.

“Well you’re not getting it, it’s you.” he says.

“How could it possibly be me?” says Lacey.

“Is what she’s saying actually true?” he asks a military advisor.

“Yeah…I don’t know what your advisor is telling you, Putin, but it is true. There is no reason why you could marry her that’s totally egotistical psychosis on your part and I think you’re trying to humiliate her using some psychotic stupid psychological technique right now and I think you’re outing yourself as a grade A idiot, an imposter or some sort of reason why we shot ‘you.’“ says Harvard.

“William what is your problem with Lacey? You obviously feel inferior to her and yet you’re supposed to be the King of England someday. What is your problem with her? You are so insecure around her it’s astoundingly pathetic!” says Lem Billings to Prince William.

“We’re not that rich anymore?” he says.

“No…you seem mentally-ill is what you seem!” says Lacey.

“You cannot keep betraying her this way! Will…she will end-up dead. …I don’t know what you’re looking for.” says Lem. He laughs. “Just kidding! I HATE HER TOO!!!”

“Why do you all hate me? What did I do? Oh my God bro what did I do wrong. Oh my God!” says Lacey, mockingly in a faux retarded voice.

“Say stupid stuff like that!” says Prince William.

“Oh, because actually, that’s not stupid. But you’re talking about the retarded voice I used…I don’t think you really mean that. …There’s nothing insulting to retarded people about the voice that I’m using, not really. And if you’re too stupid to understand why that’s not my fucking problem!” says Lacey.

“Ahh…so she’s right and actually she’s perfectly well-mannered. She’s just witty and sophisticated and I was straight and William I don’t think your dear friend Bobby can handle it.” says Lem Billings.

“Why did you just throw Lacey under the bus like that Putin? I don’t understand because sincerely what she saying is true and there’s no reason why you couldn’t contact her other than the fact that it may be logistically really difficult.” says the CIA.

“It would be logistically difficult.” says Putin.

“The problem is if we can’t contact her even to drive ourselves to the hospital, like if I was wounded somewhere and she needed to use me or if I needed to use her to drive to the hospital. Um, um I really should be able to contact her to save my own life unless if this isn’t the Illuminati and it’s some sort of bizarre cult and if that’s what this is then she’s right, we’re just totally fucking crazy and there’s nothing particularly special about the Illuminati at all. It’s essentially just a bizarre cult-coven kind of like some strange like group of people living in the middle of Texas who decide to take over the world except we have all the money and we basically are Waco, Texas but like with witchcraft and guns and money. If I can’t contact her and then we have some subconsciously psychotic idea that we can’t contact her for reasons of social class even if I was to be dying on the side of the road somewhere I would contact a number of people who are in the Illuminati but if I couldn’t contact her like if that was just verboten then there is something weird about it and people keep making these little like excuses for why it’s not weird but it’s actually really weird.” says Prince William.

“No I think that was very well put and you’re right and she’s right too. It’s insane, it’s not an exclusive group of people working together anymore for the greater good. It’s a batshit crazy cult if you can’t contact her for the reasons that you said.” says Princess Diana.

“Are you dying?” asks Lem of Putin.

“No!” says Putin.

“Alright well I don’t understand what this whole thing is about really-“ says Lacey.

“I think to be honest it’s just that Lacey is in the Old Money upper class, and if there’s reincarnation, I don’t think Lem and her ever would have expected to have to be quite so fresh with the Prince of Wales!” says the CIA.

“Yes it’s-it makes me and Lacey and I both feel incredible despair because we don’t like chewing out the royal family. …Are you kidding me!? That is something that you don’t do unless if you absolutely have to! At least that’s how Lacey and I feel about it if there’s reincarnation. I was certainly loyal to the British Crown very loyal, and it’s very awkward to have to be quite so crass and she’s felt that way the whole time.” says Lem. “And you know really that’s true even if there’s not reincarnation so make sure it’s in the Bible

“You were counting on finding someone to marry!” says Prince William to Lacey.

“Yes…I was! Because that was the impression I had of my life. That was what I thought was going to happen, and it was obviously extraordinarily concerning to me when I was 28 and I realized that it was extraordinarily unlikely…and I considered killing myself because I didn’t see any way to live.” says Lacey.

“I just don’t think Putin wants to contact you and I think he’s trying to find an excuse.” says a woman.

“I would think that would be very possible and that’s his choice. He’s also busy obviously and aging and I know it probably just doesn’t quite work somehow or he just doesn’t want to or all of thee above.” says Lacey.

“Ahh…so you can tell her that I would be disturbed if I didn’t know it was you but you don’t think that I would want to contact you anyway?” says Tsar Vladimir Putin.

“‘Tis only a flesh wound!” says Sean Connery.

“Well possibly if you were a narcissist, you might be both sad at the thought that I didn’t contact you and then also not want to contact me.” says Lacey. “If you were actually devastated and if I’m understanding you correctly I I don’t think that I don’t think that I’m quite understanding but I have some idea in my head that it’s possible so if it’s not possible then I’m sorry but in my head, I think I’ve had some idea that it was possible I think.”

“So what is the idea!?” says a woman.

“I don’t think she knows!” says another woman.

“SHIT!! I’m stupid and she’s a ditz. She’s just more feminine than me.” says this type of woman:

“Yes. Are you trying to look like her…or is it just demonic?” asks Lem.

“She’s being sold out by somebody. There’s somebody is selling her out spiritually all the fucking time. Who is it?” says the CIA.

“Gee her father. Her father who raised her, hates her. He really hates her for surviving and not being affected by his sadistic abuse. He’s a malignant narcissist. And the Illuminati doesn’t respect that because there are pseudo intellectuals amongst them.” says God.

“You know Lacey is more beautiful than that woman and better bred and probably has a purer heart. So if they were to fight, if the Illuminati found a way to get Lacey to interact with this woman, I almost can guarantee you that she would try to probably bite Lacey‘s head off egotistically.” says Lem.

“Yes!” adamantly and confidently says God (?).

“So is she stalking Lacey and mimicking her or is there a group that watches her in the perfume community like a bunch of freaks in the shadows…or is it something demonic?” says Lem.

“But it’s daemonic at the very least. There’s also a slight possibility that the perfume community stalks her.” says the CIA.

“So why are you imitating me?!?!?” bellows Lacey at the woman above.

“I am. Ahh…because YOU HAVE ME!!!” she shrieks at Lacey. “YOU HAVE MY SOUL!!”

Lacey blinks. Thinks. “How do you figure that?”

“YOU’RE A RAPIST!!!!!” she bellows.

“Ahh…no she’s not.” says God.

“THEN WHY DO I HATE HER!?” she says.

“YOU OBVIOUSLY THINK SHE’S JACK KENNEDY!” says China.

“Does that make you feel prettier?” asks Linn.

“You’re icky too!” says this woman

“LINN IS!??” asks the Illuminati in shock.

“AHH…YEAH! She’s…DISGUSTING.” says this woman

“ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS!?” asks the Illuminati, laughing.

“AHH…YES!!” she says.

“What about me?” asks Casi.

“You’re almost ugly.” she says.

“Here?” says Casi, freaking-out slightly.

“YOU ARE CUTE!” she says.

“Are you cute?” asks Casi.

“Ahh…I’m confused. Ahh…maybe???” she says.

“Am I!?” asks Kate.

“Kinda cute. Yeah. I mean…yeah. You’re kinda cute.” she says, admiringly.

“This woman?” asks the GOP.

“AHH…I dunno. She’s kinda hot?” says the woman who’s representing most people affected by the Illuminati.

“When did you do this to our minds?” asks a guy named Matt.

“Ahh…the pharmaceutical guy…and a group of pedophiles put extremely expensive curses on everyone in 2016. Because of Obama. He felt Lacey was his fault. That she felt important because of him and her involvement in his campaign. And he assumed way too much…because he’s hateful, insecure and racist. He barely understood how she was involved in his campaign…but he, like Putin, made massive assumptions.

So…he, as an apology, paid millions for very expensive curses to be put on everyone. Except him. And his family. And a few other people. …Possibly because he’s not stupid. And it scared him for everyone to be that…potentially crazy.” says the CIA.

“So…is she hot: