“Our Lady of Perpetual Correctness” by Lem

Putin had a nightmare that Lacey and him had sex. But she was turned into a toddler by the Illuminati. And he had to both talk to her as an adult but also as a child.

“That’s not possible!!” screams Tsar Nicholas II into Putin’s ear to calm him down.

At one point Lacey was at McDonald’s in America. And he was trying to pay her. But he kept tapping his app for sexual services. As in, the app he uses to pay his adult sexual service bills. But she was both offended and unable to hear him because she was…a child as a body. And he’s not a pedophile. So…she couldn’t buy her Happy Meal. And she was so hungry she was going to starve.

“Was he worried about being perverted?” says Lacey.

“NO! He’s never been attacked in that way. So his brain isn’t even able to comprehend it. At least not really. …He was really more worried about you starving.” says his psychiatrist.

With her bright coral nails she thinks. “Why is he paying me?” says Lacey.

“Because Elsie and I read you as a gold-digger. And…we were wrong about it. But we didn’t know. …I guess.” says Louis Hill Junior.

“Oh. Well…I’m not one.” says Lacey.

Millions of people get totally freaked out. They’ve been being feed that lie for decades.

“She’s a housewife.” says Lem. “MY housewife. …And if there’s reincarnation she’s SCOTIA and I’m EMPEROR CONSTANTINE…but…she’s a housewife.”

(Adult content below)

“That’s a bad edit. I started at it too long. And missed things. …But…you can kind of imagine what I would have looked like.” says Lacey.

“Yeah! You can imagine him being her boyfriend. But more her being his girlfriend. And then he seems…very sexually precocious, possibly.” says a CIA agent.

“Okay. They obviously had naked boobs. …But look at HIM!” says an Englishman.

“They’d still very much go together!” says M6.

“How is she a golf digger? Because she’s a housewife…in the 21st Century…and while she’s actually not a gold-digger…we can’t accept the reality that housewives weren’t gold-diggers unless they were cheats.” says the CIA. “We know this. …But people like Zelda and Elsie get hurt by the reality that they were gold-diggers. …And instead of defending their wives the husbands lie and fool themselves into thinking that if their wives work…or…clip coupons or something…that their heart intent isn’t as important.”

“Lacey…is a real housewife. And it’s very difficult for her to cognitively understand how to be anything else. Her brain literally can’t comprehend how to be anything but a housewife, a noblewoman or possibly a military officer of sorts. …Possibly a Queen? …But…that’s…pretty much…it. …She’s…not weird. …She’s just way after her time.” explains the CIA.

Later.

“Lacey…I almost feel like telling you to just get really really drunk.” says a Black man.

Later.

“Are her dentists trying to eat her…or give her back to Lem?? …Or BOTH?!” says an American.

Later.

“HOW would you even have paid me!?” yells Lacey at Putin. “HOW!?”

“He can’t. Not easily.” says one of his aids.

“Right. …And I knew that. I think. So…how the fuck…can you possibly think I’m THAT dumb!?” says Lacey.

An African applauds her.

“Because it’s like…PayPal.” says a white American.

Lacey gets flustered.

Peter Thiel laughs. “No. Lacey…sweetie…don’t try to explain to them why that doesn’t make sense. I know you can. But don’t.”

“No! I understand PayPal. But it’s makes me nervous. And they know that.” says Lacey.

“Why!?” asks a Boomer of Lacey.

“Because I see the potential. And it scares me.” says Lacey.

“How many of you saw the potential and it scared you but you weren’t smart enough to verbalize it!?” says a CIA agent.

“ALMOST ALL OF US.” says a Greatest Generation woman who’s dead.

“So you genuinely thought there would be virtually almost no way for me or anyone else to pay you money!?” says Chris Hayes to Lacey.

“I’ve said that many times! I don’t understand how you would’ve even done it! I’ve said that the whole time! The thing of me being a Golddigger has seemed absolutely insane. I think you all delude yourselves into delusions of grandeur with that one. I think it’s really sick.” says Lacey.

“Lacey, why are you and Lem so eccentric though, because you are fascinated with Poland, and he was fascinated with some very unknown artist and actually there’s something slightly Polish about that artist which is sort of fascinating.” says a reader.

“I’m not so much fascinated with Poland as I was fascinated with Polish history. I wanted to understand the history of Poland. I’m thinking more like a horror fiction writer though than anything else.” says Lacey. “At least possibly.” 

“So you really could not imagine how I was possibly going to pay you or Putin would pay you and it’s really just an insult to your intelligence. …I’m not sure we realize that! Putin might know but he might not. He might not realize that it’s not that easy to pay you! …I know it seems like he should just instantly know that, however it’s possible-“ says Chris Hayes.

“No!!” yells Poland. “HE KNEW!!”

“I don’t understand why you would think I would be that stupid.” says Lacey to Putin.

“Because I, I told them that I would be their friends when I joined the Illuminati on a personal level, even if militarily and otherwise I was not able to be. So I’m trying to keep up my end of the bargain to people like Bobby and I guess I just let myself assume the worst of you because it just was easier than having to think about anything else really.” says Putin.

“And you made that assumption of her way back when?” says Lem.

“Probably back when I first started interacting with American women for the most part but no I made that assumption from the beginning of the situation.” says Putin.

“Well to me that’s rather ignorant and unschooled and sloppy and unsophisticated and unworldly because it is. But that being said, I know you were raised in a rather poor background and that you’re brilliant and hard-working and incredibly ambitious and so you did very well. …Do you look down on women like that or not?” says Lem.

Putin laughs. “No! I don’t know how to talk to you right now because I’m taking everything you’re saying the wrong way, and I am feeling insulted in ways that I am quite sure you’re not not trying to insult me and that makes me mad at myself.” says Putin.

“Oh no, I’m testing you to see what sort of a bullshit artist you actually are when she dies the world really will end and I’m not sure if you cognitively understand that or not.” says Lem.

“How did you figure I was going to pay you people or you were going to pay me rather?” says Lacey.

“PayPal!” says Chris.

“For what? Sex!?” says Lacey.

“YES!” says Chris Hayes.

Millions of dead people rejoice to hear him say that…as it’s sane. Even if it’s not true. It’s still rational. And it’s a HUGE relief to hear him say something so deliciously normal.

“No. …I…wasn’t expecting that??? I mean…what difference would it make anyway??? But…no. Not really. …Ahh…no.” says Lacey.

“So how would you have charged her though?” says Lem, laughing.

“Yes!! BASED ON WHAT SPECIFIC SERVICE??” says Lacey.

“Did you perform any specific services!?” says a Boomer to Lacey.

“Mmm…well….” says Lacey.

“Do you recall any specific services?” asks Susanne.

“NO! Not…really.” says Lacey.

“Ahh…so…we would buy your drugs for you!?” says Chris.

“I don’t ever use drugs.” says Lacey. “And that’s obvious!”

“How would you even do that anyway?!?” says Lem.

“I mean…so it has to work out somehow!?” says Chris.

“HOW!?” screams Brazil.

“Ahh…somehow!?” says Chris.

“THERE IS NO SOMEHOW!!!” yells Brazil.

“Why couldn’t you just slip her a $100!?” says a man in Venezuela.

“Because! That’s too weird.” says Chris.

Puerto Rico laughs.

“WHY!?” asks Brazil.

“Because!” says Chris Hayes.

“Because why??” says Brazil.

“Ahh…because…I ahh…

Well…

Ahh…

I guess she’s not…a prostitute.” says Chris Hayes.

“So…then why are you so damn sure she was ONLY after money!?!!” yells Brazil.

“Because!!! I’m a narcissistic liar. Okay?” says Chris. “I can’t stand that she wants the touchy feely stuff.”

“Yeah.

And what were you thinking I was into?” asks Lacey.

“I thought if you weren’t into that…then you wouldn’t be a human. Because you aren’t into cool stuff. You know?? Like…stuff nerds who go to Brown are into. Shit like…Led Zeppelin on acid in the Hamptons…in a 1992 Corvette. The Art of War. X-Men. Nirvana. Baseball. Anime. Theater!! MUSICAL THEATER!!” yells Chris Hayes.

“SHE HAD NO IDEA WHAT YOUR INTENTIONS OR INTERESTS WERE!” says Michael Rockefeller.

“I don’t like that stuff…

You’re right.

Eww!!

…But I’m completely over you. So…” says Lacey.

“Then you must be a gold-digger!” says Chris.

“No! That’s totally idiotic!” says Lacey. “You skipped several logical barriers.”

“She just was never going to sexually and romantically like you. And you hate that you’re a very different person than your Michael Rockefeller public persona.” says Lem.

“I couldn’t stand that she was pretty enough to marry a man with money because they’re more sexually desirable because the battle providers. I couldn’t stand the fact OK because I have to be the sex god of the United States across the unsilenced, eternal warrior king.” says JFK.

“We are very evil, and we couldn’t stand the fact that Mark was making over $100,000 a year! By age 30!” says Bobby Kennedy Senior.

“Most men that she would’ve married, would’ve been making that much money.” says Joel.

“Fine but then that means Lem was straight and I don’t like that. OK that’s just marry him. It’s my hustle I do not like being rejected OK I am more sensitive to rejection than most people.” says JFK. “I don’t understand. I have to marry Lem Billings oh no, oh my God! He ugly fucker, but that’s OK…because he’s sexy and tall and in love with Lacey except not anymore he was in love with Lacey but not anymore not after he saw me! Oh my God!”

“Except he was just straight though Jack.” says the CIA.

“Ahh…no…because I was straight. He was a loser ass Niga if that fucker was straight he is a fucking loser call idiotic fucker and that is not true so that I can’t imagine. How does work out because I clear I was a very sweet handsome very wealthy, eligible man. Very impressive!” says JFK.

“I don’t think you were sweet Jack. You weren’t a sweet man.” says the CIA.

“I was just as sweet as Lacey I was just as sweet as Lem. I am not inferior to them in any way I tell you I do not like I do not like with Jackson OK so, even if like you’re saying is true, I would feels to be rejected by the superiority club of the world? My father, as one of the wealthiest man? I will live and I refuse to be rejected. No thank you, no thank you ma’am! I am not going to be rejected by anybody other than possible. No thank you it’s not going to happen BISH!” says JFK.

“You don’t think Emperor Constantine of the Holy Roman Empire might not want to suck you, and you might just have to like fuck with his brain, and basically make him like practically in a coma to get you to like suck him?” says Satanist to JFK.

“I think you are underestimating me!

I am JFK you don’t think JFK could take on Constantine and make him work for it bitch!? I’ll be OK fine maybe we’re not the Holy Roman Empire…but what is the Holy Roman Empire anyway compared to the United States of America. At least, while I was alive. When I was alive, and I was a small boy before World War II this country had an enormous amount of confidence! People like the Roosevelts they are America! That was the America I was born into. And I don’t know where you’re from but where I grew-up America was a very important place and I am so sad that you don’t understand. …I am JFK! I am…JFK! I just so fucking much for this country!” says JFK.

“Are you dead or alive Jack?” asks a reader.

“Dead!” says Jack.

“ You really got screwed over because you’re actually one of her soulmates yes. And you should probably be in the same country as her or have a far clear idea of who she is and if you weren’t so confused, you would probably be in her room right now sincerely, even though you’re the leader of Russia, you would actually be that freaked out by the situation I can’t guarantee this, but yeah I can know if you understood what was going on from especially from her perspective, but really just in general you would be so freaked out by everybody and everything the way that she is that you would be in her room right now trying to figure out how to sort of make the whole thing makes sense because it doesn’t make any sense. The whole thing is just insane. This whole thing is totally Batshit crazy you’re not her twin flame but you were one of her soulmates and still are in a way but it’s not likely that anything whatever happened between the two of you at this point and That’s just not likely you’ve made that clear and it’s it’s not impossible but it’s not likely but if you actually understood it was going on the sad truth is you would no longer feel the way you do about a lot of things you don’t know what she knows you really don’t and whether that’s reincarnation or not, you don’t know what she knows about a lot of different people at a lot of different things at a lot different experiences. You don’t know what she knows. Vladimir if there’s a incarnation, you could easily be Alexei Romanov you’re not too old for her you’re not too young for her if there’s not reincarnation, you’re not too old for her but you don’t understand what she does, and your insistence on being insulting right now is a pretty clear sign that you are too far gone. You don’t understand how rude you’re being or how hurtful you’re being Elsie and Louis right now we’re fighting because of you and he slapped her very hard in public at the playground near Lacey’s daughter’s school she was marching towards the playground, and he slapped her. That was in public. It was in front of a lot of upper class upper dead upper well. I was in front of a lot of him upper middle class dead people, upper class upper middle class to people people who are well. Their kids are probably at Harvard or something right and some of their relatives might live in north oaks and he slapped her right across the face in front of all of those people this afternoon.

I know Lacey just gave Putin‘s daughter a hug in the afterlife, and she’s not sure whether that was insulting or a good thing or a bad thing because she wanted to give her a hug because she was just such a sweet little girl.” says a possible angel from Heaven.

“ I am really sick of your shit I’m sick of everyone! I really am!” says Lem to Putin.

“ are you sick of me darling?” says Lacey.

“ no you and my kids are or are you in our kids are not who I’m talking about at all.” says Lem.

“ your daughter came in here snubbed Lacey, Lacey, explain social class star as quickly as she could tell she was being attacked by demons. She gave your daughter a hug, possibly against her better judgment in the back of her head. It’s very complicated. I don’t know what the hell you people are looking for but now we’re going to have to talk about social class again even though it makes almost no sense because she’s obviously not a whore or a prostitute.” says a Heavenly angel.

“ I broil master wanted to hitting her. I’m almost everyone into hitting Lacey picks because I’m Billings is love to me or he was I’m slightly less interested because I was just introduced to a very handsome Todd, who my God he look like them but he’s gay. I just set it up so hot but it’s true. He look like lamb but he’s gay do you like completely gay doesn’t look as OK. He doesn’t look like them that’s true but he does look a lot like love. Well you better than love really know I may I have reservations I have ovations of all of a lot of things but he doesn’t look like love a little bit who is the he handsome?” says JFK.

“ oh, he’s in the 1920s and I set him up with a hot gay man who looks like Lem and Harold Loeb just to piss Lacey off.” says Elsie.

“ Elsie he was Elsie. He was born in 1917. Could you try not to push it back too much further?” says a reader.

“ why because you think she’s Jack oops I just did it. I just sent both of them back to 1905.” says Elsie. “ that was the kind of power that God gave me. God gave me power to do stuff like that. Lacey is not JFK even if she died tonight it would make a shits worth of difference. If she was Jack. Theoretically she wouldn’t be able to channel him because she would be him, and none of you ever seem to realize that and she really would possibly cease to exist at this point but no, she hasn’t cease to exist. If there’s reincarnation JFK has completely cease to exist really scientifically he’s almost like a nonentity his pictures are real but they’re more like a fictional character at this point than a person who actually exists or even did exist in a sense, he exists in our imagination right now if there’s reincarnation, so at this point, if there’s reincarnational, he’s a figure of like our imagination and not an actual person who ever lived.

If there’s been carnation the Japanese emperor, who sent Jack on that mission tricked him into going back using Saks because Jack falls for it Jack calls word every time, and so now he is before his own time with a man who is probably someone who is mostly just humoring and by the end of the night they’ll probably be separate but they may end up together for a short time maybe a couple of months or maybe they’ll be together for a while but it’s not gonna last very long necessarily but that’s what he does. That’s the way jackets so there’s not a lot anyone can do about it if there’s been Carnation if there’s not reincarnation, he’s just a ghost he was barely clinging to his existence, he’s very clever and he’s very difficult but God is still God.” says Elsie.

“ hey OK so so basically Putin do you feel Wladimir do you feel embarrassed by the fact that you’re basically not offering anything to Lacey as a man?” says Lem. 

“Yes.” says Vladimir.

“ also, if there’s reincarnation, the demonic entity of Zeus is at war with Lacey.” says a demon.

“ is he also in love with me?” says Lacey.

“ Andy, yes yes he is. He’s tried to manifest many times through her living husband quite a few times if there’s reincarnations if not, there’s a demonic entity that apparently has decided to pretend to be Zeus who hates Lacey who may actually just be a pedophilic demon, so if there’s not reincarnation of pedophilic demon is impersonating Zeus, which seems like something that a pedophilic Diemond would think of doing, or if there is actually a incarnation than a demon, a entity or an entity will call it who is Zeus, the actual Zeus? Yes, Zeus is furious with Lacey and is attacking her.”

El-Shaddai by Amy Grant plays.

“OK I’m going to humor the thought that you could possibly be real. You’re not Lem, you’re just not. Why are you mad at me?” says Lacey to Zeus.

“Alright you have no idea why?” says Zeus (?).

“Lacey, did you nail the Hebrew or did you mumble through it in imitation of the Hebrew desperately trying to say the words?” says a perfume collector.

“Of course I mumbled through it. I really have a soul…you stupid fucking bitch!” says Lacey.

“So you sounded like a cute child who was desperately seeing about death and I’m just talking about it in some callous jackass way safe in my little house wherever the hell I am getting away with homicidal judgment towards you essentially?” she says.

“Yes…and you’re not worth trillions of dollars of oil, you’re not Scotia reincarnated, your father was not Tom Banks, you’re not trying to save millions of children because you don’t have that ability to do that…and I do. I feel bad for you but I also think it’s absolutely bat-shit fucking crazy what’s happening…and I say that on your behalf in my own, if you have a soul.” says Lacey.

“So you have no idea why I’m mad at you!?” Zeus (?) says Lacey.

“Oh no, I have actually no idea!” says Lacey.

Zeus stares at her.

Here I Am, Lord as performed by John Michael Talbot plays.

“Lacey is not…necessarily…meant to be a saint.” says Lem. “What would she be!? OUR LADY OF PERPETUAL ACCURACY!?”

Mission: Impossible by Lalo Schifrin plays.

“It just makes no sense! She cares about homeless people. A lot! But…she’d likely just try to kill them all off as quickly as possible at this point. No ifs ands or buts. She’s DONE! There is no more evil or ego to cook out of her. What you’re fighting with is your ego. Or your lust for me. Possibly for her. But…it’s not…normal. You’re not supposed to hate her SO DAMN MUCH on instinct.” says Lem.

Agua De Beber as performed by Sergio Mendes & Brasil ‘66 plays.

“I’m dead!!! And I’ve started to feel MORE ALIVE TO HER THAN ALL OF YOU, AND HER HUSBAND!” says Lem.

“So! I’m just mad at God.” says Zeus (?). “I guess.”

Main Theme (From ‘Schindler’s List’) by John Williams plays.