This morning Lacey woke up to the news that Putin had decided she didn’t know how what life was about.
Bobby Kennedy Junior bizarrely has a stranglehold on most of his generation. And by conniving his way into the Trump administration through JD Vance and Donald Trump Junior Tsar Putin now has to work with Bobby. Bobby spent hours this morning harassing Tsar Vladimir Putin trying to force him into friendship. And sadly it worked.
“Is she retarded?” asked Tsar Putin.
“No! She’s a genius.” said a psychic.
“Then my joke doesn’t work.” said Tsar Putin, in irritation.
This morning Tsar Putin was kissing Bobby Kennedy Junior’s ass.
“THIS IS WHY WE SHOT YOU!!!” yells Lenin at Putin, either explaining or mocking him depending on whether or not there’s reincarnation.
They had a tendency to shovel shit away from themselves far too much, if there’s reincarnation…and lots of the highest ranking aristocrats got annoyed and abandoned them to be killed in Russia. Simply because they were thrown under the bus far too too many times by the Romanovs. It became…genuinely hurtful on a personal level.
So this morning when Putin asked if Lacey was retarded as a response to her wondering if Bobby is retarded in some way…she lost almost all interest in Putin entirely. Because…she’s simply not retarded. And while Lacey is not hateful towards mentally challenged people…she knows that to most people being called retarded is an insult. And losing almost all respect for Putin she also lost interest in him, of course.
Feeling triggered Tsar Nicholas II weeps.
“I’m NOT HIS SON.” says Tsar Putin. “Reincarnation is a hoax!”
China raises its eyebrows. “Oh my! Someone got to him!” they say. “You know…it’s not that we insist it exists…but rather…we refuse to believe it’s a hoax!”
Tsar Nicholas II is weeping.
“What?! He’s not my father!” says Putin, shrugging like a typical American Boomer asshole.
Dick In A Box by The Lonely Island plays. (adult content warning for this song)
Pole dancers named Madison twirl around on poles in Putin’s Palace.
They are given dildos cast in the shape of Putin’s penis in cute little cardboard boxes. As a parting gift. It was Bobby’s idea based on Lacey’s blog. And a wealthy Russian said he could get it done (on a dare) in a day.
“What!?” says Putin dancing.
“Kwanza!” jokes Bobby to Putin, slapping his ass and laughing.
“Bobby why are you slapping Putin’s ass?” asks the CIA.
Bobby ignores it. Laughing.
“Bobby…why did you just slap Putin’s ass?” says the British government.
Bobby keeps stupidly smiling and laughing and dancing, ignoring everyone.
“OH MY GOD!!! WE ALREADY KNOW!!!” screams a herd of lower income Americans.
Ms. Jackson by Outkast plays as Bobby Kennedy Junior gets on a pole and suddenly starts twerking in Putin’s general direction. Putin awkwardly laughs and suddenly looks slightly scared.
“WHO TOLD YOU WEREN’T TSAR NICHOLAS’S SON!?” yells the Russian government at Putin.
Putin shakes and has to be given a sedative as he is forced to lay down in his bed by doctors. He dry-cries as doctors force him to lay down.
Bobby however still lingers dancing around like The Joker on stripper poles. Lights flash on and off for just him.
“Bobby. He’s watching!” whispers a beautiful Russian woman who coordinates the strippers.
Mission: Impossible by Lalo Schifrin plays for Bobby Kennedy Junior as he does an actual strip dance for Putin, even though Putin is actually in bed on a safe sedative.
2:10
The song ends. Bobby claps.
The James Bond Theme plays now and suddenly Bobby strips off all of his clothes. He looks very well cared for. Great skin. No hair. Tan.
The song ends.
Bobby…laughs and bows as he doesn’t hear any noise except for the beautiful Russian woman who is clapping.
“BRAVO!” she yells.
He laughs. Shrugs. Touches one of the metal poles awkwardly and lightly. Just waiting.
The Pink Panther by Henry Mancini plays.
“Bobby. We want to see MORE!” says the Russian woman. “TRY!!”
He laughs, awkwardly, embarrassed. Shrugs. “OKAY??” he says, slightly out of breath. But smiling. “AHH…”
He takes a moment to try to recollect himself. He’s aging and the last dance took a lot out of him.
“I don’t get erections without a pill!” says Putin rolling around in bed. “I NEED A PILL!!”
“You wouldn’t with certain women.” says Tsar Nicholas II to Tsar Vladimir Putin.
“Daddy!!!” yells Putin, kicking his legs like he’s wildly fighting off something unseen.
“You have lied!!! I’m either not your father…or I am. And you have LIED!!” says Tsar Nicholas II. “REGARDLESS…you have lied!”
3:58
And Bobby bows.
The song ends.
Hawaii Five-O plays.
Bobby laughs and stands still. By a pole. He flails his penis around. Very briefly.
The Mission: Impossible Theme from the newer movie briefly plays. Bobby stands there catching his breath for that one.
Raiders Of The Lost Ark plays next.
Putin lays in bed drooling from exhaustion. Clammy and cold and exhausted.
3:28
Bobby looks sad.
He suddenly twirls.
5:06
The song ends.
Bobby looks like he’s feeling uneasy.
The beautiful Russian woman laughs.
“Why are you here?” she says in a sexy but bright and cheerful voice. However it does sound creepy.
Bullitt by Lalo Schifrin plays.
Bobby explains something.
She nods briskly and yet smiles empathetically.
The song ends.
The Magnificent Seven plays.
Bobby nods. She walks off.
The song is briskly cut off at 1:10. The room grows dark.
My Trigger by Miike Snow plays as Bobby uses his cane and saunters over to the center of the room. Apparently Bobby wants Putin to give him a “rim job.” Ultimately that’s what JFK wanted from Lem. Apparently the Kennedys are obsessed with power. Even on a sexual level. So the non-straight men are into “rim-jobs.”
Dangerous by Big Data plays.
Bobby does dance where he pretends to be showering. He uses his cane to indicate an umbrella. And then pretends his penis is ejecting sperm.
The song ends.
More Than A Woman by the Bee Gees plays as Bobby bends over and is given anal sex with a dildo. A cheap blue one “made in China.”
He falls to the ground.
1:55
The Russian woman lets the dildo stuck in his asshole and Bobby fall to the ground. He lays there. On his side.
The song ends.
Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley plays.
“DO WANT ME TO END?” yells the Russian woman.
The Russian woman looks irritated.
But Bobby looks too tired to get up.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO WITH HIM!?” yells the Russian woman.
She waits.
Two Russian male guards pick him up and carrying him to a chair.
He slumps forward. Catching himself on his own knees.
The song ends.
Mercy Mercy Me by Marvin Gaye plays.
“BOBBY! Let’s get you home!!” yells the beautiful Russian woman, smiling.
“WHERE IS HE!?!” yells Bobby, demandingly.
“He feels shy! Like I said. …Okay? You OVERESTIMATE HIM!” she says, (faking) exasperated.
Working My Way Back to You by The Spinners plays.
The Russian woman gives Bobby a “dick-in-a-box” and a bag of chocolates. Then two men escort him away.
2:51
He shuffles out of the door to the pole dancing room.
3:47
The song ends.
Something live by The Bee Gees plays. Is it Night Fever?
The room is empty. But the song plays.
Bobby is apparently clothed and placed in a private plane. That was waiting for him.
Come and Get Your Love by Redbone plays.
Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John plays.
Bobby is in the air. He took off all of his clothes and is being given sedatives now too with Russian soldiers subduing him.
At a proper cruising altitude he’s sleeping. Naked. Fake tan. Covered in a sheepskin blanket.
For Once In My Life by Stevie Wonder plays.
Too Much Heaven by The Bee Gees plays.
The Russians are bringing Bobby back to the U.S. where he will probably be given back to Cheryl.
Putin is fast asleep but the music plays on because the Russians are testing him. Out of fear. What did Bobby do to their leader!?!
The song ends.
Just The Two of Us plays.
“What the fuck is this song about?” says Lacey.
“Closeness and trust.” explains a Boomer male singer.
“Ahh…but Jackie Kennedy KNOWS all men are unfaithful pieces of worthless shit.” says Lacey.
“She’s not JFK reincarnated. But if you want she will find all of the flaws in Sex And The City.” says Lem.
“I take it that every guy you’ve ever tried to date and be serious with him has been fucked -up by the Kennedys?” says the CIA.
“ yes the only man that they haven’t been able to do that to Islam, Billings, and and Jesus and him no lamb. Billings and Jesus are the only men who they have not been able to perverts or corrupt completely. And honestly it’s ironic because I think the reason that they attacked all those men was because they reminded them of of land buildings if there’s reincarnation Putin definitely reminds them of love, it’s a whole Emperor thing and other personalities. There’s a similarity I’m not surprised Bobby was trying to seduce him secretly and they become obsessed. It’s freakish and bizarre, but they become totally obsessed with any anyone any man that I can any man who I could be with it’s like a totally bizarre obsession and people can’t seem to believe it but unfortunately, it seems to be true. They just can’t, they just can’t stop him they just can’t stop and honestly if they keep doing physically to me what they’ve been doing I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m dead in about a month or two I mean it could it could last longer but my skin has gotten really dry lately in a way that is kind of bizarre and I feel frail. I have a feeling that I could literally just about fly out of my body, if this, if this went on for another month or two, I have a feeling I will be dead and then yes, my children will hopefully die very quickly there after, so will Mark and I will be ending the world. I will be I will be literally destroying the entire earth in about a month or two because you people car fucking incompetent boobs apparently 
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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