“Who did you think I was?” Lacey asks Dr. Thorsten Moritz.
He looks awkward.
“She’s a lady!” says a Muslim woman to him.
He looks confused.
“Who did you think I was!!?” says Lacey.
He thinks. “I thought you could be a pedophilic whore like Betty Draper. …You’re extremely beautiful. …You seemed like you’d been molested in a posh, Old Money family. Kind of like Betty Draper.” he says to Lacey. “But…my predominant theory…was possibly…that you were…ahh…efficient.”
A Muslim woman looks horrified.
“Who is this person you thought I was!??” says Lacey.
“She is…nice.
She has sexual potential. But you would have to work with her.” says Dr. Moritz.
“Thorsten…what is good sex to you?” says the CIA (after listening to Bobby Kennedy Junior discuss what he thinks good sex is this morning they wonder).
“Ahh…I like to think…someday…I could have sex…like Vladimir Putin has sex. Like a badass!” says Dr. Moritz.
“Why did you think Lacey…would…want that!?” says a Muslim man.
“As a concept?” says Dr. Moritz?
“YES!!!” screams a Muslim man.
A bit later.
“Because the women I assumed she had to be…are perfect for that!” says Dr. Moritz.
“I’m neither.
What exactly…does this second woman…not understand about sex?” says Lacey.
“She’s not an idiot!” says Dr. Moritz.
“No. She more average than me.
But…I don’t think she’s…completely stupid.
What does she not understand?” says Lacey.
“She’s…pedantic.” says Dr. Moritz.
“Huh.
What’s her problem?” says Lacey.
He thinks. “She’s…uptight? Mmm…no? Well…she’s…a hard worker.”
“Huh.
*Lacey looks confused.*
Why does…she…take so much time?” says Lacey.
“She’s a lot stupider than you.” says Dr. Moritz. “I am narcissistic. And you are unusually beautiful. And I lied about it. …To myself. …But I also found you attractive. So!”
“Do you feel sad she doesn’t exist?” says Lacey.
“Yes.” says Dr. Moritz.
“She reminds me of Cherilyn Nelson and Pat Wilson.” says Lacey.
“I’ve met them. They’re…attractive.” says Dr. Moritz.
“What does Cherilyn look like with her fixed teeth?” says Lacey.
“HOT!” says Dr. Moritz.
Lacey smiles. “Do you two get along!??”
He thinks. Laughs sadly. Nods.
“She’d find you FASCINATING.” says Lacey.
“She’s close to my age!” he says.
“HOW DID YOU TWO NEVER MEET!??” says Lacey.
He cries. “She had bad teeth though.”
“YEAH! …Poor woman.” says Lacey.
He nods.
“She’s…cool.” says Lacey.
He nods. “Without her messed-up teeth…she’s…the ideal person. To an upper middle class…classy guy. Like me. Tasteful. Reticent. Deep. Not too deep. …Elegant! But not…too elegant. Outdoorsy like me. …PRETTY.” says Dr. Moritz. “We have fun!!”
“I liked her.” says Lacey.
He looks miserable.
“Did she hate me?” says Lacey.
“No! …No.” he says. “She was trying to be your mother’s friend. So…she was…complicated.”
“Cherylin. Cherilyn? Gosh I wish I remembered which one it was.” says Lacey.
“I do like her.” he admits.
“Has she seen Germany?” says Lacey.
“YES!!” he says, laughing.
“That must have been FUN!” says Lacey.
“She’s…my…guide.” says Thorsten, laughing.
“To Germany!??” says Cheryl Hines, laughing.
“Yes!” he says.
“Damn! I need a good German.” says Cheryl.
He laughs. “Go find one!” he says.
“You probably could go find one.” says Lacey, cheerfully to Cheryl.
“LACEY! What if I DID!!??” she says.
“Would Bobby care?” says Lacey.
“No.” says Cheryl.
“Dammit!! Is that how you get rid of them?” says Lacey.
Dr. Moritz laughs.
“I wasn’t necessarily trying to get rid of them.” says Cheryl.
“Ha! But it worked!” says Lacey. “I just can’t stand the thought of making love with him! EEWWW! EWW! EWWW!”
“Yeah. Me too!” says Diana Dors to Lacey.
“Was I supposed to be her friend!?” Dr. Moritz asks Cherylin.
“YES!!” she says to him.
“HOW!?” he says to Cherilyn.
“They’re KEEPING US SINGLE!!!” yells Africa.
“I HAVE NOTICED THAT TOO!!!” says Lacey.
“OH…MY…GOD!!!” yells Africa in horror.
“YEAH!!!” says Lacey.
“You are doing that Jack to avoid Lacey and Lem’s love!?” says Africa.
“YES!!” he says.
“Because we all seem like them! When we are happy and in love?!” says Africa.
“YES!!” says JFK. “I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!!!”
“So you genuinely have destroyed lots of people’s lives?” says Africa.
“I AM GOD!!!” yells JFK.
“No. You’re not Jesus.” says Africa.
“I AM…THE DARK NIGHT!!” says JFK, trying to sound mysterious.
“YOU ARE…SEX!” says Africa, trying to work with him.
“NO! I’m not sex.” says JFK.
They think.
“I’m…a bad booty!” he says, giggling.
“Jack! What you want!?” says Africa.
“YOUR BOOTY!” says JFK.
“UH OH!” says Africa. It laughs.
JFK laughs. “Okay! THIS ISN’T FUNNY!!” he says, feeling offended for some reason.
“Jack? You wanna fuck?” says Africa.
“NO!” says JFK.
“Money?” says Africa.
He looks sad. “YEAH!”
“Rubies?” says Africa.
“WE HAVE RUBIES!” he says.
“In Japan!?” says Africa.
“YES!!! OF COURSE!!” says Japan.
“Mined from JAPAN!?” says Africa.
Lacey looks surprised.
“That’s MYANMAR!!” yells Lacey.
“These are FRESH rubies, Jack!” says Mollock, mocking him.
“Don’t LAUGH! Japan has many rubies!” says Japanese Jack trying desperately to sound sexy.
“HOW…THE FUCK…DOES HE NOT SEEM GAY!?” asks reality. “Yes! Actual reality…somehow.”
“WHO!?” asks Steve Kornacki.
“JACK KENNEDY!!!” bellows reality.
“This guy is not gay. He could totally get it up for this chick:
If she was his age.
Ahh…are you still with me!?
This guy!!??
IS OBVIOUSLY GAY!!!” says reality.
“STOP!!!!” yells Peru and Incan officials at the US as it tries to insist this cock
Is SO STRAIGHT!!! And SO SEXY!!!
Compared to this dick:
Lacey laughs.
“Where is Jack’s penis?” says Lacey.
“She’s right.
Ahh…how does…Jack seem-
“Where is his penis?” says a woman.
“And why…can’t we be honest!?!?” says a Gen. Z woman.
“OH MY GOD!!!!” yells a Gen. Z man.
“I think….
That…is…A GAY DICK.
Those are GAY DICKS!
Gay!!!
Ha! YOU FOOLS!
Jack is bisexual. But COME ON!!
Him and those men…ARE THE SAME!!” yells all of humanity under age 30.
“I think he’s embarrassed!!” says this guy:
“Yeah!” says the man next to him.
“I don’t like reality as much as I assumed I would.” says Steve Kornacki.
The man in the photo sadly laughs and nods.
“No. Lem was straight.
And ironically he ruined Jack’s life too.” says the man to left in the photo above.
“Why didn’t he date Red Fay?!” says a witch.
They think. Actual gay men of that era think.
“My GOD!” says this man regarding the power obsession in the Illuminati, with his feet in the ocean in Heaven.
“Yeah!!!” says this man.
“Ahh…LEMMERS?” says the guy in the swimsuit, bending over in laughter.
The man in the suit laughs.
“What!?” he says to man in the swimsuit.
“You DID!” says the man in the swimsuit.
He looks sad. Thoughtful.
“I did. I fell in love with a straight man who…in my case…was genuinely just experimenting. …In the 1950’s. Briefly! …He laughed. A LOT. But…he was…open to it. So I assumed he was…like me! …But…he wasn’t. He wasn’t bisexual. He was just…genuinely intellectual and curious. …You all destroyed intelligence to find Lacey guilty almost ten years ago. And you’ve desperate been trying since to quiet reality. I have no idea why. …I wish you’d tell us!” says the man in the suit above. He laughs. Thinks. “He was…straight!” He shrugs. “He just…totally absorbed me. Because to him…it wasn’t abandonment. He just didn’t get it.”
“What did he think was going on?” asks a witch.
“That we were men.” he says. “Okay? So…I guess he just had no interest at all. And…he was heartless. But…I don’t think he realized it. I think he thought he was…just…open-minded.”
“WOW!” says a gay actor.
“Yeah! …You all are such wimps!” says the man in the photo above.
“Ahh…the fairytale of PROGRESS.” says a sad Gen. Z woman.
Lacey takes a break to actually take care of her skin and take a shower.
“YUP!” says the man in the suit.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
You must be logged in to post a comment.