“Wow!” says Brian.
“Her family gives them money. Like $4,000. A year.” says a gay friend of Jack’s.
“Do you hate the Billings?” asks another of Jack’s friends.
“$4,000 isn’t that much.” says Casi.
“But he’s making $150,000.00.” says Jack’s friend.
“SO!?” says Alisha.
“You don’t get it!” says Brian. “NOBODY IS GIVING YOU ALL MONEY!”
“Listen! When your father sends you a random check for $2,000 because he’s feeling generous because the price of oil went up…let me know!” says Matt Nesheim.
Putin winks at Lacey. She cracks-up laughing.
Later.
“If homosexuality is so accepted why are there no gay rockstars? Like REAL GAY?” says Lacey.
“Why couldn’t he be a real rockstar? I don’t mean Elton John. I mean…gay rock.” says Lacey.
“What could I sing?” he says.
“Wanted Dead or Alive.” says Lacey.
He smiles. “Tight, leather pants.”
“YES!” says Lacey.
“Shirtless. Chains. …Yeah.” he says.
“WHY…NOT!?” says Lacey.
Dan Levy laughs and runs off.
“I could do it!!” says the man in the swimsuit above.
“HE COULD.” says Lacey.
“IN EUROPE.” says Marjolijn.
“Why don’t we hear about them!?” says Lacey.
Creepy silence.
“It’s real sex.” says Marjolijn to Lacey Banks.
“You know…your perfume scene…in The Netherlands…*Lacey snickers* is NO BETTER THAN HERE! Or is it!? …But I just can’t imagine that is.” says Lacey.
“It’s…” starts Monika.
“Not.” says Putin.
“We aren’t backward, you bitch!” says Lacey to Marjolijn.
“I wanted to think that.” confesses Marjolijn to Lacey.
“WHY!?” says Lacey, pleadingly.
“Because I’m European.” says Marjolijn.
“What…would that…mean?” says Lacey.
“Come on! She’s right. We aren’t France.” says Monika.
“Oh!! I’m DUMB!” says Lacey, sarcastically to Monika. “I’M AN IDIOT! I’m STUPID! …I think ALL OF EUROPE IS DISNEYLAND-PARIS.”
“I’m not actually that stupid either.” says Casi, snickering.
“There are perfume shops in Minnesota.” says Mr. Cologne 76. “I just hated it.”
“DUH!!!” says Lacey.
“Why do you buy Houbigant?” asks Marjolijn.
“WHY DO YOU BUY $600 BOTTLES OF PERFUME!!? I’M TOO POOR!!” says Lacey, mocking her.
“She’s right. You probably are.” says Louis Hill Junior to Marjolijn.
“And then you wanted me to believe your parents were very old money!? And your father was a SHIPPING HEIR!? AND YOUR MOTHER HAD $50,000 WORTH OF CANDLESTICK HOLDERS!? YOU SCUM!!!” yells Lacey. “YOU CHEAT!!”
“They were poor!” says Louis Hill Junior.
“YUP!
And you’d think…being all hoity toity and Dutch…that such LADY would have dignity if she was poor! BUT NO! She’s…POSH!!! As POSH as THEY COME!!!” says Lacey.
“I work for Estée Lauder.” says Marjolijn.
“Yes.” says Lacey.
“Lacey’s very Dutch. And genuinely aristocratic.” says Louis Hill Junior, laughing. “SO AM I!”
“No! Be careful with…goods. Speak softly Louis. You might upset her delicate sensibilities.” says Lacey.
“You know…I’ve been fat like you!” says Marjolijn.
“WITH A HOT BODY? Wow. What happened? When did you lose your vagina and grow your cock and your chin?” says Lacey.
“That was DUMB.” whispers Louis to Marjolijn.
“I have curves.” says Marjolijn.
“Where? In the lines you’ve desperately erased on your tight forehead?” says Lacey.
“What’s fat to you?” says Marjolijn.
“You! Go vomit! You’re a cow!” says Lacey, sarcastically, to mock her.
“You mean that!” says a perfume collector to Lacey.
The gay man above shakes his head no and laughs.
“NO!” says Lacey in a breathy, raspy, deep but very feminine voice. “NO! She’s too skinny. But these women like being skinny.”
“They do!” says a Spanish woman to Lacey.
“Why!?” says Lacey.
“You HOLD BACK.” says Marjolijn.
“SO DO YOU!!” says Lacey. “COME AT ME WITH ALL THAT RAGE!! YOU ARE ANGRY!! What’s WRONG WITH ME!! Let’s HEAR IT!!”
“I never thought that.” says Marjolijn.
“Huh!
Except then you were ME!! And I was UGLY! So…WHAT UP, BYOTCH??” says Lacey.
“Sister…confess! What’s…wrong? GIVE ME THE FOSHIZZLE!” says Africa go Marjolijn.
“When did Mel try to marry your father?” asks Grandpa Pantell of Marjolijn.
“DO TELL!!” says Lacey to Marjolijn.
They all wait.
“I just want to be…glamorous.” says Marjolijn.
“You are pretty!” says Lacey to Marjolijn. “But I can’t stand your…evil.”
“Find the whitest nigger in the crowd. …Imitate her. And then…you steal the glory.” says an African American perfume collector to Marjolijn.
“Are we sure Lacey is Egyptian though?” says the CIA.
“NO. But I’m BLACK. …AND I’M PROUD I’M ANGRY!” she says.
“You sound different than Lacey.” says the CIA.
“Yeah. She’s white. …But I’m proud I’m angry.” she says.
“Why the fuck do you attack her?” says the CIA to Marjolijn.
“I didn’t at first!” yells Marjolijn.
“WHY DID YOU START!?” asks Lacey in a sharp, clipped tone.
“SHIT!!” says Marjolijn.
“Why did you start?” asks Lacey.
“I liked you at first.” says Marjolijn.
Later.
“So! What happened?” Lacey asks Marjolijn.
“I think we were friends!” says Marjolijn to Lacey.
Lacey squints. “NO! …But maybe we could have become that???” says Lacey.
“Oh my god!” says Marjolijn.
“What!?” says Lacey.
“You’re SO BRITISH!” says Marjolijn.
“Alright. My last name is Banks. I am English.” says Lacey.
“And possibly somewhat Dutch.” says Marjolijn.
“Yes!” says Lacey. Smiling and blinking.
“Casi…you’re ugly compared to Lacey and Marjolijn. …Did that really bother you?” says the CIA.
Casi screams, manifesting a loud demon.
She shrieks. She flails her arms around in imitation of a fat woman sex video that genuinely embarrassed her. She does a weird dance. She jumps.
“Your son got epileptic…after talking to me!” says Marjolijn to Lacey. She laughs. “He’s outgrown it!?”
“He is.” says Lacey.
She nods. Rubs her forehead. Thinks.
Casi shrieks. Jumps up and down.
“TWO!! TWO PRETTY WOMEN..TALKING TO EACH OTHER!! WITH GENUINE LOVE!!!” shrieks the demon through Casi. “I HATE YOU!!”
“Casi…I think that was difficult for you!” yells the CIA at Casi.
“I’m A WOMAN!!!” yells Casi.
“Why are you saying that!?” the CIA yells at her.
“I’m HOT!!!” Casi yells at everyone.
“Not like them.” says Scotland to Casi.
“YOU’RE SCOTTISH NOW!!” says the demon harassing and using Casi to attack her and use her pain and fear and hatred and pure evil…to attack other people.
“AM I??!” says Casi, sincerely to the demon with childlike hope.
Later.
Casi weeps. Rocking herself back and forth. “Why are they mean Mama!?” she wails.
And sadly…her mother stupidly masks her own narcissism by pretending to be a parent when she’s really just being mainly being evil. She too is far less well-bred than both Marjolijn and Lacey and INFINITELY less attractive. But Casi feels toxically sorry for her fucked-up mother who struggles to keep her life together. So Casi parents her and tells everyone how pretty her mother is every chance she can get. It’s PATHETIC.
“My MOMMAW IS THE PRETTIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!” Casi has sadly said countless times.
“Casi! Why isn’t your mom telling you how you actually look!?” asks God. “Or is she?”
Later.
“The Kennedys are sexless.” says Mary the Mother of God. “Lacey’s not trying to be crass. She’s trying to make things more safe and holy for everyone. They violently corrupted sex. Partially because they’re so poor. The Kennedys were poor rich people. …And most Americans were actually too fortunate then and now to fully understand. The Kennedys were essentially third-world white people.”
“What about the Scottish!?” says a reader.
“They’re TOUGH…AS…NAILS!” says Mary the Mother of God. “Being Scottish or Black isn’t the same thing as being Irish.”
Later.
A woman starts screaming.
September by Wallerstedt plays.
“Lacey in my case…there are men-“ says a Facebook friend of hers.
“Are there!?” says Lacey.
“Yes!” she says.
“You’re not that great looking.” says Lacey.
“No! But…I’m good looking enough.” she says.
“Men aren’t that worthless!?” says Lacey very sincerely.
“No!!!” she says.
“Good.” says Lacey.
“So…why are…you…not…with…a…living guy??” she says.
“Men HATE ME.” says Lacey. “Living men…HATE ME. Good or bad. Sex means NOTHING to them. In regard to me. THEY HATE…HATE…HATE me.”
“What…did you do to them?” she sincerely asks with a snicker.
Daylight by David Kushner plays to mock most living adult men in 2024.
Lacey laughs at them at 1:28.
The song plays.
“They’re just all cock sucking pieces of weak shit.” says Lacey, flippantly with a Scottish smile.She
Strips naked and throws them into temporary sexual Hell if they deserve it.
“Wanna SEE MY TITS?” she screams at them.
The song starts over. As a joke about their worthlessness for eternity if that’s all they are.
“That’s me.
Are you hard?” she says.
1:38
“You wanna kill me?” she says, laughing at them.
“No.” they say.
“WHY!?” she yells.
The song ends.
Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson plays.
“So! Why are you all so fat?” says Lacey, with grace sympathy.
1:19
2:00
“What gets you hard?” asks Lacey. “The sigh of a a literal stick in mud?”
God forces them to be honest.
The song ends.
Lacey forces them to have the best orgasms of their existence with mud and sticks. And only God can save them for eternity. Because if they deserve she just destroyed their existence.
Sticks get forced up their pee holes giving them profound orgasms and permanently totally fucking up their energy. They will no longer enjoy sex or being alive in Christ FOREVER if they deserve it. But only if Christ approves.
*Lacey smiles.*
“So! Let’s be men together.
Do you enjoy ME as a MAN!?” she preaches to them. “Or do you even matter AT ALL!?”
Take Me to Church Hozier plays as a STUPID song about Mollock and he’s NOT AMUSED either.
“I’m not a woman. And she’s not a man.” says Mollock to all living men in 2024.
Way down We Go by KALEO plays.
“Where y’all going?” Lacey asks all living men in 2024.
They all stand around confused.
“Where y’all going?” asks Lacey, again.
2:08
The song ends.
Softcore by The Neighborhood plays.
“So! You all are the men alive when we destroyed the Earth and started a pandemic…destroyed democracy…have nuclear Cold War…AND…CHILDREN ARE BEING SOLD INTO HOSTAGE situations of HELLISH proportions.
Give Mollock and I three reasons why you deserved to exist.” says Scotia to all living men in 2024.
And at that the Illuminati has Mark carry Elizabeth up the stairs in her house…ON HIS BACK at Bobby Kennedy Junior’s suggestion. Lacey’s son races after them.
“So! Does that scare you? Or make you all fart?” asks Lacey, sincerely.
They freak out and panic. Remain silent to be catty.
“We don’t care!!!” they finally all say smiling as a collective group.
“Why?” asks Lacey and Mollock.
Dandelions by Ruth B. plays.
“Because WE WANNA FUCK HER!!” they collectively say.
“Her!?” scoffs Mollock. “Do you have COCKS?!?”
“Or vaginas?” says Lacey.
“So you all want this UGLY FACE!? Over this GORGEOUS ONE?!” asks Mollock in horror.
“What did straight men do!?” asks the gay man in the swimsuit.
Mollock laughs.
Lacey sighs. “They let you believe Lem was gay.”
“THEY DID! And they STILL ARE!” says Mollock.
“They don’t save people!” says Lacey.
“We have Jesus!” says Great Britain, calmly.
Lacey smiles. “Why don’t you try!?” she says.
“Lem was thrown into a den of vipers!” says Mollock. “And that’s just the half of it!”
“The least straight men could do is be straight!! But they can’t even get that right!” says Lacey.
“We don’t hate her. We hate her evil. We LOATHE YOURS!” says Mollock.
“You hate evil sometimes?” Jonah asks Mollock.
“YES!!” yells Mollock.
“Have I worshipped you sometimes?” Jonah asks Mollock.
“YES!!!” screams Mollock.
“There’s a REAL class system?” Dr. Moritz asks, baffled.
“Yup!” says God.
Later.
Thousands of supposedly straight, supposedly cis, supposedly binary men…consider committing suicide over Nancy Reagan’s beauty. They are so psychotically fixated on being nice instead of being honest that they consider perverting their brains even more into committing suicide over her. HER BEAUTY.
“I’ll just kill ALL CHILDREN.” says Mollock.
“But then what would you do?” says Lacey to Mollock.
“So! Have you answered any of their questions!?” asks God.
“NO!!” yells the Illuminati. “YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!!!” the Illuminati yells at Lacey, very sincerely.
The Illuminati picks up a dish and throws it at her feet.
“Nope. I’m your boss.” says Lacey.
“NO!!!” yells the Illuminati.
“NO!” yells Lacey back.
“Mmm…NO!!!” yells the Illuminati.
“YES!” bites Lacey.
The Illuminati bounces in its seat and giggles. Claps it’s hands and throws it’s feet around.
“YAY!” says Lacey.
The Illuminati sticks it’s tongue out at her.
“Oh shut up!” she says.
The Illuminati looks sad. Thoughtful.
“WHAT!?” says Lacey.
The Illuminati cries.
“What!?” says Lacey.
The Illuminati wails.
“What??” says Lacey.
“I’m MAD!!” yells the Illuminati.
“Why??” says Lacey, gravely.
“I POOPED!!!” yells the Illuminati. Then it cries in terror.
Lacey smiles. “Can you use the toilet?”
The Illuminati considers the situation.
She waits.
It’s still considering.
“You better figure it out! That’s bad to just leave there!” says Lacey.
It looks very disturbed.
She waits. It blinks.
“I GO!” says the Illuminati.
“To the bathroom?” says Lacey.
“YES!” says the Illuminati. It claps for itself.
“WONDERFUL!” says Lacey.
Lacey picks the Illuminati up, gives it a hug, and carries it into the bathroom. “Okay!! You go!!” says Lacey.
She stands back and gives it just enough privacy.
It takes off its overalls from the 1950’s. Made for an older toddler. It sits and poops.
Lacey chews her gum. Making bubbles. And listens to an air purifier.
Lacey gets water, soaks her feet in Epsom salt, does laundry and the Illuminati walks out without its pants on and stands in from of a television screen staring at football. In awe.
And at that Lacey notices the Illuminati has a rash. It’s not diaper rash. It’s…some sort of allergic reaction.
“Pull up your pants!” says Lacey.
The Illuminati does.
“Did you wash your hands?” asks Lacey.
The Illuminati is quiet.
“Did you wash your hands!?” asks Lacey again, sternly.
“YES!!” yells Illuminati, indignant.
“GOOD!!” says Lacey.
She does some research.
“Does it hurt to sit down?” she asks the Illuminati.
The Illuminati cries.
“Hey! It’s okay!” says Lacey. “It’s a rash!” says Lacey. “Does your tummy feel icky?”
“YES!” says the Illuminati.
“What have you eaten today?” asks Lacey.
“Nothing crazy!!!” says the Illuminati, insulted.
“No batteries?” says Lacey.
The Illuminati’s eyes get wide. It shakes its head demonstrably to no.
She feels the Illuminati’s forehead. It has a slight fever. Which is a relief, actually.
“Cough!” says Lacey.
The Illuminati coughs. It sounds congested.
Lacey thinks.
“Have you had the Measles?” says Lacey.
She calls people. Takes the Illuminati’s temperature.
Dr. Billings shows-up.
The Illuminati hates him. Doesn’t seem to understand the concept of a doctor. No, he’s not creepy.
“He’s being abused.” says Dr. Billings.
“Sexually?” says Lacey.
Dr. Billings nods.
“By his parents?” says Lacey.
“No!! By someone.” he says. “He’s scared of weird things.”
“That makes sense!” says Lacey.
“Yup!” says Dr. Billings.
Lacey sits there with them and makes more phone calls.
Shakespeare shows-up. Worried.
“What’s he been taking?” says Shakespeare.
“Just Tylenol.” says Dr. Billings.
“HE HAS THE MEASLES!!” yells Shakespeare.
“When did this start?” asks Dr. Billings.
“I don’t know!” says Lacey.
“He’s running a high temperature.” says Dr. Billings.
He vomits.
Shakespeare runs and gets a trash can.
The Illuminati vomits. Seems to feel better. Lays down on the sofa. Near a clean trash can.
“I’ll clean out the SWAMP!” yells the Illuminati.
“Your stomach?” asks Dr. Billings.
He nods and cries. Throws-up again.
“It’s okay. Just vomit.” says Lem, arriving from work.
“I HATE YOU!!!” the Illuminati yells at Lem.
“Cool!” says Lem.
“Just vomit.” says Shakespeare.
“Go AWAY!!” the Illuminati yells at Lem. “GO AWAY!!!!!”
Lem goes to the kitchen.
“He’s GONE!” says the Illuminati.
“Yup!” says Shakespeare.
He vomits again.
Then after sipping some sparkling mineral water he falls asleep. Laying with a wet cold rag on his forehead. Lights out. Television off.
“Could he die?” asks Lacey.
“YES!” says Dr. Billings.
“He’s gonna clean out the swamp?” says Lem.
“Yeah.” says Dr. Billings.
A few minutes later, “GO AWAY GRANDPA JACK!!!” he yells in his sleep. “GO AWAY GRANDPA JACK!!”
“Who’s Grandpa Jack!?” says Lacey.
“He’s this kid’s grandfather.” says Shakespeare.
“Do we know him?” Lacey asks Lem.
“No. I’ve met his grandpa…but…I knew him in the Navy. And he was…homosexual.” says Lem.
“He’s homosexual?” asks Dr. Billings.
“That’s not good!” says Lacey.
“He’s homosexual!?” says Dr. Billings.
“I bet he’s also a pedophile.” says Lacey.
“He gave this kid the Measles.” says Shakespeare.
“Why?” asks Lacey.
“Ahh! …Well…because…he’s RESISTING HIM.” says Shakespeare.
“How do you suppose he gave him the measles?” asks Lacey.
“What does Grandpa Jack have you eat?” asks Dr. Billings.
“HIS TIDBITS!” says the Illuminati.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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