“Let’s TALK!” by Lem

People will still think I’m gay or was. That’s…bad. But…we’ve tried. I’m hoping somehow they understand. Someday.

Lacey’s very sweet and beautiful and I think that socialite thinks if I’m sleeping with her…I’m at least not gay now. Because…Lacey would never tolerate it. She has too many options, for one thing. And she’s right.

What I can’t understand…is why you all refuse to understand her social class. Not all or maybe even many anymore. But…still.

A woman in LA looks sad. “Because!”

“Let’s talk!” says Lem.

“Why was I so offensive!?” says Casi. “I don’t get it!”

“Because you were…essentially saying I’m not me.” says Lacey.

“Why do you need me to say that!?” says Casi.

Lacey thinks. “It’s probably because my mother didn’t love me.” says Lacey.

“THIS MAKES SENSE!” says a woman in the Illuminati.

“So you’re well off. In Old Money. And…I just seemed…convinced you weren’t?” says Casi.

“Yes. …So did a lot of people. And it was…traumatic.” says Lacey.

A reader laughs. “This is a dark comedy!!” he says. “A British dark comedy.”

“Thanks to her sense of humor to see it.” says God. “She’s highlighting it as an author as she’s observing it because it amuses her too.”

“Lem…why was it so convincing!?” says Louis Bayard.

“Because I’m a good actor.” says Lem. “I guess.”

“It’s so convincing.” says a gay actor,

“Not really.” scoffs Red Fay.

“It is to me.” says the 30-something gay man who’s alive.

“Not to me!” says Red Fay.

“Me either.” says Lacey.

“We can’t tell.” says Louis Bayard.

“WE CAN!!” says Red.

Awkward silence.

“Dammit!!! YOU HAVE NOTHING!!” yells JP. “THE WHOLE THING WAS FAKE! …I can’t find anything in this book-“ (the Pitts book) “I don’t think there’s any evidence!”

“There isn’t. …His smiling at the wedding…is significant.” says Donald Trump. “There’s an explanation for everything.”

“I just can’t discuss it. It’s too dumb.” says Lem. “Now. I’ve tried.”

“You have!” says Donald Trump.

“Why did you slap yourself?” says a gay man in the Illuminati.

“I was mad. …I had no one to yell at. …So I slapped myself. …I was straight.” says Lem.

“Dude…if I had to suck cock…I’d cry and slap myself and vomit too.” says a living straight man.

“Yup.” says Lem.

“No! He’d never betray us that way!!” says Bobby, adamantly.

“How is that a betrayal?” says a reader.

“I’m not going to respond to that!” says Bobby, slowly and dramatically.

“Why?” she says.

“You KNOW WHY!” he says, smiling.

“No. Why?” she says.

“Because! …I KNOW I WAS LOVED BY HIM! PASSIONATELY!!” says Bobby.

“He wrote Jack a love letter. …He did!” says Kick before disappearing.

“Based on what Bobby?” she says.

“Ahh…HELLO!?!” says Bobby, laughing.

“Which is what?!” she says.

He thinks. Breathing quickly. Fuming.

“Bobby…you sound like your mom.” says a woman.

“That’s impossible!” he says, sincerely.

“No. You do.

What did Lem do!?” says the CIA.

“Not much. That was…clear.” says Bobby. “I mean we never kissed. Or…anything. …But…why would a man…let a teenager stay in his house!? That’s so unlikely!!!! …SO unlikely. …And everyone talked about it! Everyone knew.” he says.

“Knew what!?” says the CIA.

“That…he had a thing for me.” says Bobby.

“But what did he do…to suggest that?” asks the CIA.

“Ahh…I mean…just giving me drugs. Teasing me. Like how he teased Jack. …And I’d just laugh and…ahh…you know. He had a huge crush on me.” says Bobby.

“How did he tease you?” asks a reader.

“Making fun of me. Busting my balls. …And he’d give me lots of special attention. …Lots of conversations. He…talked to me. A lot.” says Bobby.

“More than the other kids?” says the CIA.

“Yeah!” says Bobby. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And then he bought you drugs?” asks the CIA.

“Yes! Always. …Lots of attention and drugs. Laughing. Phone calls. He’d drive to come see me.” says Bobby.

“But…nothing sexual ever happened?” says the CIA.

“No! It’s not like that!” says Bobby.

“Was he always cheerful?” asks the CIA.

“Yeah. He was always in a good mood. …But I know he was…mourning. Like I’ve said. Alongside us.” says Bobby.

“So…did he use a singsong voice?” says the CIA.

Bobby thinks. “I guess.” he says.

“So everyone told you he was in love with you?” says a woman.

“Yes. Lots of people made jokes. And I just sensed it. …It was obvious. He was always trying to make me laugh. …But he was also very paternal. …Extremely patient.” says Bobby.

“So people told you…he had a crush on you?” says a reader.

“Yes. Several older adults told me in confidence that they thought he was…weird. And to watch out. Or…’Man he’s got it bad with you! You’re too good looking Bobby!’ And…I mean…he’d laugh too much with me. And I just…humored him. He’d smile at me. And…light-up around me.

See…he transferred all that obsession from Jack to me.” he says.

“But nothing ever happened?” asks a Black comedian.

“No. It wouldn’t have. I was too young.” says Bobby.

“Lacey wouldn’t have been at 18.” says the CIA.

“Well…that’s unrelated.

See…we just had something special.” says Bobby. “And…I dunno. I have good memories.”

“Did he give you lots of heroin?” asks the CIA.

“Yes!” says Bobby.

“Huh.

You used to compete with him?” asks the CIA.

“Yeah. But he was big. …And he had a high tolerance level. …I wasn’t that big.” says Bobby.

“Did you try to keep up?” asks the CIA.

“Yes. I’ll admit I did. Kinda.” says Bobby.

“Did he remind you of Bill Cosby?” asks a Black man.

“In his humor?” asks Bobby, feeling nervous suddenly.

“Yes.” says a Black man.

“Yeah! That’s not a bad comparison. I see it!” says Bobby. “Similar.”

“Did you ever feel like he was putting you on?” asks the Black man.

“No!!!” says Bobby, adamantly. “NOT AT ALL!”

“Did he shoot heroin directly into your arms?” asks the CIA.

“Yes. My shot. …I think that was sexual.” says Bobby. “The needle was our penis.”

“How much did he give you?” asks the CIA.

“A LOT! But that was for sexual purposes. In a way, I think.” says Bobby.

“Why!?” says the CIA.

“Because it’s phallic. …Needles are shaped like a penis.” says Bobby. “And drugs give you a euphoric feeling. It’s…common knowledge!”

“Did he seem sexual?” asks the FBI.

“No. He was chill. …But that’s what guys are like. When they are really in love with you. Okay? …To keep it…safe. If he’d been more open…I’d have bolted!” says Bobby. “So he had to be coy.”

Later.

“How much did he give you!?!” yells Bill Cosby.

“Like…7 ml? 8 ml?” says Bobby.

“Of heroin?” says a reader.

“Yeah.” says Bobby.

“Did you almost pass out?” asks the CIA.

“Chill!” says Bobby laughing. “Yeah. Probably!”

Later.

The Way I Are by Timabland plays.

“How’s it going?” asks Harold Loeb of Lacey.

Lacey thinks.

“Why do I always feel so much better around you? …But I know I’m with Lem?” says Lacey. “Harold…what the HELL is that?”

A Holocaust victim stares at her in shock. Shock.

The woman has to be pulled away.

“We’re soulmates.” says Harold. “And I punch people.”

Lem laughs.

“I also write.” says Harold.

She sighs.

“You’re in my corner.” she says.

“Yeah. …I’d have played everything differently than Lem. …But you’d be dead.” says Harold.

“HOW!?” yells Princess Kate.

And at that Lacey attacks the Middle East as they suddenly attack her. Supernaturally. They glare at her in hatred. She blows kisses.

“Bow. Niggers.” she says. “Kiss my FOOT.”

They laugh.

She laughs too.

They all relax.

“We aren’t niggers.” they say.

“How do you know that?” says Lacey.

“Fair enough. You might be too.” says Iran.

“What’s your problem!?” says Lacey, confused.

They shrug.

“Sorry. …But you attacked me.” she says.

“What did it feel like we were doing?” asks Iran.

“Pulling out my tongue from my throat. Supernaturally.” she says. “You have to understand…that made me angry.”

“Did Bobby have us doing that?” asks one of them of themselves.

Someone nods.

“SHIT!!!” says Syria. “Lacey if we’re niggers so are you.”

“Not necessarily.” says Scotia.

“FUCK!” says Iran.

“Lacey. He’s playing us against you to get you to attack us. And we fell for it.” says Iran.

“On behalf of Israel.” says Iran.

“Why…do you fall for it?!” says Lacey. “What’s a nigger anyway?”

“I HEAR YOU!!” yells Africa.

“DO YOU!?!” yells Lacey.

“Yes!!” says Nigeria.

“She’d have died of ovarian cancer.” says Harold.

“When!?” says King Charles II.

“2022.” says Harold.

Bill Cosby goes into shock.

“He knows her menstrual cycle. I’ve seen him…predict her period. He’s studied her ovaries. …No! I’m SERIOUS.” says Dr. Cosby.

“He has.” says Lacey.

“It’d have killed you in…five months.” says Harold. “And your family would be dead soon too.”

“Sorry!” yells Iran at Lacey.

“No! I’m sorry!” she yells.

“That’s OKAY!” yells Iran.

“I think he means well.” says Lacey about Harold.

“I do.” says Harold.

“It wouldn’t have been that bad.” says Zelda. “Not compared to this.”

Lacey thinks.

Lacey takes a deep breath.

“He had demons of cancer ready.” says God.

“Did they attack us?” asks King Charles II.

“No. But it made some people angry. How much I cared.” says Harold.

“And they took that out on us?” says King Charles II.

“Yes. …Because you’re easy to blame.” says Harold.

“Even with you!?” says King Charles II.

“I think they think we’re interconnected. Because I’m a Guggenheim.” says Harold.

Princess Kate laughs.

“We are…slightly. But not really.” says King Charles II.

“Lacey what’s a nigger?” asks Africa of Lacey.

The Way I Are by Timbaland plays.

“Bobby.” says Lacey. “Unfortunately, Bobby and Jack Kennedy are both the definition of a nigger.”

“Do all niggers go to Hell?” asks Africa.

“I hope nobody goes to Hell.” says Lacey.

“Let’s finish talking to Bobby…if I’m going to let this go. Even for tonight!” says Harold.

“We know Lem was gay.” says Peter Thiel.

“NO!! YOU DO NOT!!!” yells Harold.

The song plays.

“Come on. It’s far-fetched!” says Peter Thiel.

“NO!! IT’S NOT!!!” yells GOD.

“I know. They can’t get it.” says Donald Trump.

The song plays.

The song starts over. “State of emergency.”

0:18

“She remembers. Let’s be clear.” says Harold to Lem.

Lem thinks.

“They’re DEAF.” says Harold.

Lem sighs.

“Alright.

Bobby…did Lem ever sexually give you drugs?” asks Harold.

“No.” says Bobby.

“Did he ever do anything in a sexual way?” says Harold.

“No.” says Bobby.

Harold nods.

“So he NEVER did ANYTHING sexual?” says Harold.

“Well…no.” says Bobby.

“But???” says Harold.

“It’s not that simple!” says Bobby.

“How?” says Harold.

“Because how he did it…isn’t the same…as what he secretly…would have WANTED…to do.” says Bobby.

Peter Thiel nods.

“I’m sorry.” says Lacey sincerely and sadly to Africa.

Africa contains laughter.

Tsar Putin laughs.

“Oh dear. You are smart. But a ditz.” says a Russian woman to Lacey.

“So…I’m…SURE…he transferred his sexual and romantic relationship with Jack to me.” says Bobby. “I’ve had multiple conversations with Harvard professors…of psychology…who have ASSURED ME…that I’m not crazy.”

“Outside of a professional setting?” says Harold.

“Yeah. …But one said he’d go on record!” says Bobby. “As a friend. But still.”

“But you have absolutely no proof? You just think this? Why?” says Harold.

“No! No proof. …But I more than just think it!” says Bobby.

“Then what is it!?” says Harold. “I’ve slept with many women like you, by the way. Many!”

Bobby stares at him. Dumbfounded.

“Yeah. You’re a CLINGY…PSYCHOTIC…NEEDY…BITCH.” says Harold to Bobby Kennedy Junior. “And you and Jack have everyone fooled. You’re both mostly gay. …HUGE cock-suckers. …But go on.”

And at that Lacey dances. Last time she danced LA manifested in flames months later. She never knows where her arrows will land. Because she honestly doesn’t know if there’s reincarnation. If there’s reincarnation she’s genuinely Scotia.

No. She relay had those eyes. Almost verbatim.

And I’m actually really Constantine. If there’s reincarnation. And no one but God can separate us.

“Good.” says Lacey.

The song starts over.

“Yeah. We did it. Roundabout.” says Iran to Lacey. “Through you. I guess. And as Muslims we’re just as confused as you.”

“I’ll pray.” says Lacey.

“So…how does my love for you…exist?” Harold asks Bobby. “Explain…Florence.”

“Damn. Women have been such suckers.” says a woman. “With the Kennedys.”

“We have…sex!” says Bobby smiling.

“WHEN!?” says Harold.

“In my sleep? In our hearts!” says Bobby.

“No. Both are impossible the way you mean them. Totally impossible.” says Harold.

“Nobody says that.” says Bobby.

“Well…that’s the truth.” says Harold.

Bobby thinks.

“How do you figure he was so into you?” asks Harold.

“I felt so aroused. SO DAMN OFTEN.” says Bobby.

“By Lem?” asks Harold.

“Yeah. SHIT!” says Bobby.

“But you’re straight.” says Harold.

Bobby laughs. “I’m tripping you up!”

“How?” asks Harold.

“I mean…you’re confused.” says Bobby.

“No. Answer…the…question.” says Harold.

“I mean…he’s…attractive.” says Bobby.

“Then you’re not straight. I’m not aroused by him.” says Harold.

“LIAR!” says Bobby.

“No. I AM NOT!!” says Harold practically wringing Bobby’s head off of his body out of frustration.

Bobby drools, sucks his drool into his mouth. His head looks like it’s being painfully pushed around by some unseen force. He stumbles. Bill Gates stares at him in confusion, before walking off, exhausted.

“YOU…FIND…MEN…ATTRACTIVE…AND YOU ARE NOT A HETEROSEXUAL!!!” yells Harold at Bobby.

They fight.

“CONFESS!!!” screams Harold.

Bobby begins crying. Refusing to confess.

Harold throws him to the ground. Kicks him in the stomach. Bobby screams in pain.

Bobby vomits.

But Bobby refuses to confess.

Half conscious..bloody lips…Bobby…is lifted off the ground…with snot dripping from his nose. By Harold.

“CONFESS!” he says.

The song restarts.

Olivia Nuzzi laughs at the lyrics…as Bobby had financial issues when he was dating her.

Bobby begins really crying. But still refuses to confess.

Bobby manifests a demon who resembles Lem. The demon forces him to stand up and walk around. Twerking like a gay man, suddenly. Bobby, in terrible physical condition, says, ‘Let me entertain you!’ in a high pitched voice resembling Lem when he was alive.

Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing by Chris Isaak plays at the request of a living Rockefeller who finds the scene hilarious. They suspect the Kennedys sacrificed Michael. And lied about it.

The demon lifts Bobby off of the ground. He temporarily levitates. Then uncontrollably shakes his behind.

2:11

Then the demon leaves Bobby standing still. In a stupor. Eyes half shut. Drooling.

“CONFESS!” says Harold.

After Dark by Tito & Tarantula plays next.

Bobby drools.

“Okay. I’m bithexual.” says Bobby with a lisp due to injury.

“So…you’ve been tricked. You don’t understand what actually happened.” says Harold slowly to Bobby. “He was trying to kill you.”

Bobby blinks.

“He was trying to kill you.” says Harold slowly again to Bobby.

Bobby blinks.

“He was trying to KILL…YOU.” says Harold.

Finally Bobby looks to be understanding. He looks almost sad.

“Yeah. …LEM BILLINGS WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU…WITH DRUGS.” says Harold.

Bobby looks hurt. Blinks. Looks confused. “BUT HE LIKED DRUGS!!” protests Bobby.

“Sure. …That doesn’t matter!” says Harold.

“NO! IT DOES MATTER!” says Harold.

Bobby shakes his head no in denial.

“HE WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU!!” says Harold.

“No!!” whines Bobby, pleadingly with Harold. Almost in tears.

“BOBBY…HE WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU…WITH HEROIN!” says Harold.

“Please no.” whines Bobby. Throwing what looks like a temper tantrum.

Harold just stands and stares at him.

Bobby keeps shaking his head no.

It’s silent.

“He was…letting you get high…to…give you a heroin addiction. And it was to try to kill you. He’s confessed.” says Harold.

Bobby shuffles uneasily. Whimpering.

“HE WAS NEVER IN LOVE…WITH YOU. OR JACK. That’s a false understanding. You were tricked.” says Harold.

Bobby thinks.

Then he begins to break.

“MY MOM WOULD NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN!!!” he screams.

“SHE DID.” says Harold.

“THEN LEM LOVED ME. …Because he felt bad for me.” says Bobby.

“He did. But he also thought you were…nuts.” says Harold. “Bobby…use your adult brain. …He gave you HEROIN. As an adult. An older adult. …He knew it could kill you. …He didn’t care.”

“NO! …He knew exactly how much to give me. …He’d never have let me die!” says Bobby, weeping.

“HE ENCOURAGED YOU TO DO IT…TO YOURSELF.” says Harold. “And he easily gave you too much on more than one occasion.”

Bobby thinks.

“He was trying to kill you.” says Harold.

Bobby thinks. Cries. …Cries.

“Okay. …I…guess that makes sense!!” he says, silently screaming.

“Stop insisting Lem was attracted to men. …I’d love to hear real evidence. But…I don’t think you have any. …And I’m fairly sure…he was really trying to kill you. …I think he wanted to let you die.

Stop rationalizing it. It never actually made sense.” says Harold.

“But people let kids use drugs!” says Bobby.

“I’d NEVER do that.

Neither would Scott.

Nor ERNEST HEMINGWAY.

…Any decent parent…would NEVER allow it. Unless they’re mentally challenged. Or clinically insane. …There’s no excuse.” says Harold.

“But we thought it was safe.” says Bobby.

“NO! It’s never been considered that safe. Not that safe. …No.” says Harold. “Too safe. But you were using it in a potentially deadly way. You can’t tell me he didn’t have any knowledge of that. …Pre Sexual Revolution people were unaware of a lot. …But we’ve known heroin was deadly the whole time. You just weren’t supposed to use too much of it, which…if very hard to do outside of a medical setting. …I’ve used heroin. …I know what I’m talking about, Bobby.” says Harold.

“But he was so smiley.” says Bobby.

“That was to trick you. …He sounds patronizing or evil. …I know he was patronizing.” says Lem. “And straight.”

Bobby backs away slowly. Half believing and half not.

“But NBC News told me he was in love with me.” says Bobby, too lost to not act childish around Harold.

“NBC News told you that? Who else?” says Harold.

“60 Minutes! …Specifically Barbara Walters. …Oprah! …Joan Rivers! And Joan Collins! …Time! Time Magazine! …Doris Kearns Goodwin! SO…many experts.” says Bobby.

“But none of them were there.” says Harold Loeb.

“But they’re EXPERTS!!!” says Bobby.

“But they don’t really know.” says Harold. “Bobby…you’re supposed to know. You’re supposed to know yourself.”

Bobby shakes his head no. Cries again. “No…Doris knows.” he says.

“HOW!? Lem barely let her talk to him.” says Harold.

“SHE…KNOWS.” says Bobby.

“No. She’s incapable of knowing in that way. All historians are. Especially about something as complex and hard to…ascertain…as orientation.” says Harold.

Bobby laughs. Kicks the air. Hands on hips.

“She doesn’t know. And…I think people have been very mistaken about Lem.” says Harold. “Look…his ghost…has said he was straight. That’s not history. That’s Lem. That’s Lem himself saying it.”

Bobby thinks. “I just remembered you’re a ghost too.”

Harold blinks.

“Why isn’t my dad here?” says Bobby.

“He can’t.” says Harold. “You’re all too damned.”

“Even if he’s not in Hell?” says Bobby.

“Yes.” says Harold. “David felt he was better off dead. That’s what he was trying to say. He sensed your family was cursed beyond repair.”

“I decided to die. …I had a strong sense there was an afterlife and I wanted out.” says David A. Kennedy. “At first I was just going to use again that night. But then I decided to just die.”

“Why didn’t you take me with you?” asks Bobby.

“I thought you could be happy.” says David.

Bobby laughs. “Was Lem trying to kill us?”

“Yes.” says David. “Not just you.”

Bobby stares at him.

“He really was convinced we were…a family of psychopaths.” says David.

“What clue did he ever give us?” asks Bobby.

“He asked weird questions. I’m sure.” says Harold Loeb.

“Like what!?” asks Rory.

“‘When you do plan to lose your virginity?‘“ says Harold. “And then, ‘Hmm…’ but no further response. Stuff like that. Or, ‘Why don’t you ever try sleeping with just one girl!?’ …Or, ‘Do you think you could kill someone?’ …Or, ‘What’s it like…in your head…when you’re high? What feelings do you experience?’ …He was trying to diagnose you.” says Harold. “He was studying you kids.”

“From my experience…the person you’re describing…who doesn’t care…but means well…and is queer…isn’t…Lem in his youth. The father who raised me was actually a lot like that. …He’d easily have used drugs with kids. …And I don’t think…you get it. …You weren’t attractive enough, Bobby. To Lem. If that’s who he was. If nothing happened.” says Lacey.

Casi laughs.

“I’m sorry.

…The thing is…I don’t even think that’s who he was. He imitated men like that. …Not Tom. The father who raised me. …But…his drug use with you…as I think of it…is weird if…he was attracted to men. He should have used alone. Or…it doesn’t seem to make sense. …Yeah. …It’s…mean.” says Lacey.

“I was trying to kill them.” says Lem.

“But they were kids.” says Lacey.

“I thought they’d all be better off dead.” says Lem. “ALL OF THEM.” He thinks. “But…I tried to spare some, I guess.”

“ALL OF US!?” says Bobby.

“To be honest Bobby I kind of wonder if this is real I’ve been thinking about it, and I actually think that he might not have known that gay men have desire for other men. I genuinely wonder if that’s possible from historical perspective.” says the CIA.

Bobby thinks. Takes a deep breath.

“That was kind of nice of Harold.” says Bobby.

Rory smiles at him.

“Why did you think we all were rotten!?!” asks Peter Lawford’s daughter.

“Observation. …None of your parents were normal people. They all were fake. …I was trapped. …Your family was holding me hostage.

And…while I wasn’t going to go out of my way to…kill you…Bobby Was violent. Towards lots of people. So I started placating him…to get him to ruin himself. Give him ideas. Get him addicted. And I did it with others. But…not as much. Because…I was trying to primarily kill him. And possibly Joe. Especially after what happened with Pam. …I felt he might be better off dead.

Ted killed two girls. Jack killed young women through suicide. Raped them. …Bobby was…abusive. …None of them were normal people. …And I just felt you kids would be better off dead. Especially if you were so into drugs already. …Bobby got his siblings addicted. …I saw that! And I actually cared. …And as I was being held hostage…because they decided I was gay…and should be used and kept quiet…I decided it was my duty…to end the lives of some of you…should the just cause and opportunity arise.” says Lem.

Rory looks shocked.

“Yeah! She’s not full of lies. GET A CLUE!!” says Babe Paley. “She’s…terrifying. But she’s honest.”

“She just doesn’t care. You have no relationship with her.” says Edith Beale. “She’s far too alienated to care.”

Later.

“No. I think Lem was trying to kill them.” says Lacey.

She thinks.

She smiles. “He’s imperfect…but…I do feel like…I’m him. For lack of a better way of saying it.”

“That’s what I said.” says Jesus. “That’s what I told you would happen.” he says to lots of dead people watching.

“Harold is so handsome!” says a woman.

“He is. …But that’s not all that matters.” says Jesus. “And her attraction to him goes beyond…normal sorts of attraction.”

The remaining energy of dead Kennedys try to suffocate her.

She fights them. Which makes Joe Junior giggle. He loves her. Especially when she fights him, as such a pretty tiny woman.

“But she’s not supposed to be that angry.” says Lem.

Joe sort of understands. “It’s just fun. She’s so…womanly. But she fights.”

“Is it like if Pamela Anderson tried to wrestle?” says her ex-husband. “You’d be surprised.”

“Did it work?” asks a man.

He smirks. “No. But…you’d be surprised. …Sometimes really hot women…are feisty.”

“Yeah.” says Elizabeth Taylor. “I was too. …Weird. How do we not know that!?”

“So was I.” says Marilyn Monroe.

“So was I!” says Grace Kelly.

“I wasn’t.” says Audrey Hepburn.

“Oh no!!” says a dead king with an interest in micro evolution.

The Holocaust victim from earlier nods.

“If I die…I’m ending the world.” Lacey warns the dead Kennedys.

“How?” asks Pamela Anderson.

“Dominoes.” says Lacey.

“OKAY!!” says the UK, realizing she’s deadly serious.

“AIDS!!” yells the Holocaust victim. “AIDS!!! CHILD TRAFFICKING!! SHE IS SERIOUS!!!” they scream. “SHE WILL USE DOMINOES!!”

“I’m thinking…earthquakes.” says Lacey.

“We don’t all want to die!!” yells Queen Elizabeth I at Lacey, smiling.

Lacey takes a deep breath. She thinks.

“BE CAREFUL!” she yells.

Lacey calculates.

“Do you have a ring?” a psychic asks her.

“Do your research! You already know!” she says. “If I’m her.”

“It’s not enough. Those kids are suffering.” says Lacey.

Disturbia by Rihanna plays.

“I’m not IMPRESSED YOU DOGS!!” yells Scotia. “YOU WILL DIE!!!”

The song plays.

Lacey smiles.

“Don’t worry. You’ll hear about Jesus. And then you’ll die…quickly.” says Lacey.

“Okay. When!?” says Casi, also unimpressed.

Luigi sighs.

“The next 40 years.” says Lacey.

Casi nods. Yawns. “Cool.”

Luigi nods.

“Why does it scare them so much?” says Lacey.

Luigi shrugs.

“Death?” says Casi.

“There are worse things than death. Like what I experienced when the Illuminati found me.” says Lacey.

Casi furrows her brow.

“I’m serious. I genuinely thought I had died and gone to Hell.” says Lacey.

“Did you?” says Casi.

“I don’t know.” says Lacey.

“What scared you?” says Casi.

“The lighting.” says Lacey.

“What else?” says Casi.

“The colors. The way everyone seemed like a zombie. And their eyes looked…demonic.” says Lacey. “And then gradually as I desperately cried out to God…DEFIANTLY…in determination to make Him hear me…even from Hell…the lighting went mostly back to normal. …And I slowly began to realize that most people other than my children had been demon possessed.” says Lacey.

“I’m fighting.” says Britney Spears. “Somewhere. Too.”

“Why?” asks a Christian feminist.

“It’s…so…convoluted.” says Britney Spears. “They…hate…reality.”

Womanizer plays.

“We knew.” says Britney. “So they had to destroy us.” She thinks. “They’re not necessarily…normal. That’s what we both never understood. They’re not…sane. Or…they’re…evil perverts. Or they’re…essentially retarded. Sorry.” She thinks. “I’m not as holy or sane as her.”

“I was straight. I told you I’m losing my temper. ..