“I didn’t think she was a retard!” says Casi.
“WE HATE YOU!” says Egypt to Casi.
She sadistically laughs at them with perversion.
“Okay. So…I’m just a perverse freak.” says Casi. “That’s literally all I am. …I can be deep. But mostly I’m just…nothing. I struggle to care.”
“I used Jesus against himself with Lem and Lacey. …They have no way out. And he can’t save them…because he’s the problem.” says Satan.
Later.
“I’m not rich.” says Casi.
“NO SHIT!” says Tim Walz.
“Who’s JOY!?” yells JFK.
Lacey wonders slightly about Jean Patou.
Jack gets a tiny bit freaked out.
Lacey breaths a sigh of relief that Jack is distracted by Joy.
“I’m actually hurt too though.” says Lacey.
Jack stares at her. “We’re full of shit.” he says.
“Yeah???” says Lacey. “But it’s creepy the way they said they wanted to bring back Joy.” says Lacey.
JFK thinks.
“Are we sure they’re not obsessed with an actual woman?” says Lacey.
He laughs weakly.
“Joy to the world.” says JFK.
“Faith…Hope…and Joy.” says Lacey.
He laughs and stares at her. “I think you’re Joy.” he says to Lacey.
Lacey thinks. “I doubt I’m Joy.”
“Yeah okay.” says JFK.
“You’re very joyful.” protests America of Lacey.
“So is Helena Bonham Carter.” says Lacey.
JFK nods.
“I don’t think I’m…Joy.” says Lacey.
“I think I am Joy.” says Jesus.
“YES.” says Lacey.
“Oh.” says JFK.
“Yeah. I’m not Joy.” says Lacey.
“She’s more…sadness.” says Satan.
“Or love.” says God.
“LOVE WINS.” says Ancient Egypt.
“Boom.” says Lacey.
Awkward silence.
“Why do you keep waiting for Lacey’s parents?” asks God. “She’s an adult.”
Awkward silence.
“Because! Why is she here?” asks a living woman.
“Why does that bother you?” asks God.
“You’re…not actually going to…harm us, right? In Hell!?” says a living woman.
“No. I might.” says God. “I get to decide.”
“Why are we attacking this woman?” asks the Pope.
No response.
“ME!!” says Casi.
“Yea. But we don’t like that.” admits America.
“WHY!?” asks the Earl of Rosslyn.
“If there is reincarnation, may I ask you all why you know that when she doesn’t?” God asks America.
“Is she really the niece of the Earl of Rosslyn?” asks Dmitry.
“IF there’s reincarnation then YES. Very much so.” says God.
“Who are they!?!” asks Casi.
“LOOK IT UP YOURSELF!” says God.
“How close was she to dying last night?” asks Shaveydavy.
“8 out of 10.” says God.
“HOW!??” asks a reader.
“He’s MY SON.” says Michael. “And she’s slept with me. …She leaned in to give him a hug as his mother’s cousin…and he decided to kill her…out of love.” He thinks. “Theoretically.”
“Is your wife, theoretically, mad at Lacey?” asks Trump.
“NO.” says Michael.
“He’s trying to help!!” says his mom.
“He’s probably a sweetheart.” says Lacey. “Regardless.”
“Was it scary?” asks Queen Camilla.
“YES! But…not that bad.” says Michael. “He’s…been given instructions by Elliott on the exact timing of her breath.”
Later.
“So the perfume community attacked Lacey…because she seemed rich?” says God the Father.
“Or because she seemed poor!?” asks Mary the Mother of God.
“You can’t tell?!” asks Monika.
“Answer.” says God.
Later.
“Okay. So…how is Lacey not Brett Ashley?!?” says Casi.
“Because 1. They’re too different people., 2. Brett Ashley is far less attractive than Lacey., 3. Lacey comes from a better family socioeconomically than Brett Ashley. And 4. They have vastly different personalities.” says Jesus.
“But I mean…as she is now!” says a reader.
“Brett Ashley is a party girl. And an artist. …Lacey is a literal tortured saint.” says God. “They might look similar, but they’re not.”
“Okay! We assumed Lacey was hateful.” says a reader.
“NO YOU DID NOT!” says Lacey. “I just made you angry.” She thinks. “Quit playing mind games.”
“You’re mind games.” says a reader.
“NO! I mean…quit lying to me. Or you know, being so…” says Lacey.
“I did fool myself into thinking you were more ugly and poor then you could ever be.” says Casi.
“She’s not at all.” says God.
“We all did.” says the perfume community.
“HOW!?” yells Jesus. “HOW!??”
“Her blog seemed sloppy.” says Jan.
“That’s because she’s NOT fake.” says God.
“It wasn’t that sloppy.” says Lem.
“Why do you peasants take such things so seriously!??” says Lacey.
“You pay $150 a year…to just…dabble?” says Alisha.
“Yeah.” says Lacey.
“But that’s a waste!!” yells a perfume collector.
“No!! It’s my prerogative.” says Lacey.
“We don’t do that.” says Alisha.
“WELL I DID!!” says Lacey.
“I think to her it’s just fun. Why can’t you guys just let that be what it is?!” says a reader.
“You guys I’m the same way. I wrote sloppy science-fiction.” says Matt.
“And your sister gave up the miss North Dakota crown?” says Jill Schiebel.
“Yes!” says Matt.
“You guys they’re actually old money and I just don’t think they care.” says Louis Hill Junior’s grandson.
“But it’s a professional blog!” says Jan.
“SAYS WHO!?!” says Jesus.
“Yeah. …As I’ve said before…I never intended for it it be that big of a deal. …I’m a writer. It’s just fun!!!” says Lacey.
“It wasn’t an incompetent blog!” says Dmitry.
“No. Not really. …My methods were…my own…but I was quite tasteful. I hope. Even if I was sloppy.” says Lacey.
“WHY THE FUCK…DOES EVERYONE OVER-ANALYZE HER…BUT NEVER LOVE HER!??” yells a reader.
“Why a blog?” says someone.
“Because everyone did blogs. And it’s public. So…it’s…kinda cozy. It’s…like…taking a walk around a lake where other people are walking. And…I even called a blog that once. A Walk In The Park. …And I figured I could be as casual as I wanted to be.” says Lacey. “It’s just a walk!”
“BUT WE ARE NOT!!” says a reader. “WE ARE PROFESSIONAL!!”
Lacey thinks. “Why does it matter? I’m…Estonia. You’re…Belgium. Or Australia. Or…Brazil.”
They think.
“Because…you’re smarter than us.” says a reader.
“Why can’t her blog be like a messy old bookstore!?” says a man.
“Because!! We’re trying to be professional.” says a reader who writes a professional blog.
Lacey thinks. “It’s…odd that it should HAVE to matter. WHY!?”
Keen to Cross the Pond 