“Taken” by Lem

I was a shy kid. A shy adult. …And I never “took” Jack, really. Ever.

Jack remained in a state of continuous “chase me” merrily. …He was never taken by me. …Jackie took him. He took her. Red and him had a relationship, even. But we never had that. Why? Because I was accidentally humoring him the whole time. He was the first to initiate sexual contact. Not me. HE was attracted TO ME. Not the other way around. …I did discuss the nature of our relationship…and I did say and do “dirty things”…but I was straight, shy, romantic and often embarrassed by him. …That’s not the common story, but it’s the truth. …He avoided the empty nature of our relationship through his innate narcissism. …I played along…did what he asked of me…within reason…fawned over him…pretended to want him at times…and he never read me honestly. And when he did…it made him want to hurt me somehow. I didn’t offer him unconditional love. I offered him my love as far as I could go and I was actually straight so that wasn’t far. …I just never burst his bubble enough and he chose to live in delusion.

He never got unconditional love from me. What he did get…was a slave. …And I think…that’s all he really wanted. He wasn’t as deep as everyone says he was. Or thinks he was. He was a very shallow person, in all actuality. Incredibly shallow. …And I made him more than that for a long time. But…right before I died I stopped and it made me wish desperately that I was dead.

…You haven’t heard the truth if you’ve not read this blog. I really am the ghost of Lem Billings. And I’m telling you here that I was straight. There’s undeniable evidence. People just didn’t and don’t see it.