“Facts”

I love Lacey. If she’d been alive when I was…I’d have married her. Left Jack behind. Even as a teenager.

Jack and I were in a toxic trauma bond. He was a narcissist. He demanded I be available to give him sexual favors and clean his room. Manage his schedule. And I tried avoiding him at times. Like when he was in Hollywood and when we were at war. I went for weeks without talking to him. Happily. Months. That’s not a lover’s behavior. Nor the behavior of someone who’s obsessed. …We shared rooms because he suggested it. I stayed behind at Choate because he suggested it. …And it looks like it was my idea. But it wasn’t. I went along with his ideas far more than people realize. My “dirty mind” that references wasn’t real. He was the sole instigator. I was just his follower and he made up the narrative of my sexual obsession with him. He created that myth. I fed into it. But he created it for himself out of my confusion and lack of boundaries with him. He wanted me to be obsessed with him. But I actually wasn’t. I was just…way to empathetic.

She misheard me. A demon impersonating me and trying to discredit me told her we went to different universities. But…I did ignore him at times when he was at Harvard and I was at Princeton.

And every time I ignored him he got scared and requested I respond to him. Pleaded with me to respond. And those pleas were backed by force. He often threatened my life. If I told. If I left him. His persona of indifference is fake. In private at his worst he was a dark, needy, demanding sadist who didn’t care if people were in relationship with him. He never fully showed that side to almost anyone else. But I think if he’d lived he’d have had some romantic relationship with someone who would have seemed perfect to him at first…and then he would have shown his narcissism to them…and over time they would have lost interest. And then he would have become very violently demanding of them. And you would have heard about it. And then he would have died of natural causes.

Look…I was straight. …There genuinely is no other explanation for why I didn’t care about Jack getting married to Jackie at their wedding. Why I was so happy and cheerful and at peace that day. …There is no other explanation. …And I look straight. I sound straight. Under my act. …And it’s VERY ODD that I didn’t care about fidelity nor sexual pleasure of my own body. …That all points to me being straight. And I was.

Why did I die on his birthday? It wasn’t because I was heartbroken over him. It was the opposite. I HATED him. I was filled with rage as I aged. I hated that whole family. And I…was trapped by them. So I lashed out and made a mockery of some of them, including Bobby. And no, I wasn’t obsessed with him. …I was involved and I tried to care…and I wanted to give people the impression I cared. I did care. But I also couldn’t stand him. And…I thought he might be better off dead. So I…used the stories about my interest in him…to give me opportunities to potentially lead him to his own death. Ethel forced me to babysit him, essentially. He lies about that. …And I actually deeply resented it. He wasn’t my son. But I was expected to love him like a my own biological son.

And that’s how most of my interactions were with them. Starting with Jack. Their delusions and my aiding and abetting those delusions out of the naive, foolish, kindness of my heart.

I was straight. And there is an explanation for everything you can hurl at me…as to how I was a real heterosexual even while I did confusing things that might suggest otherwise. And Lacey is doing her best to hear me.

I’m with her, regardless. Jack ruined our relationship, that wasn’t a real relationship anyway. And I’d have chosen her over him regardless. She doesn’t understand why. But someday she will. She’s just that perfect to me. And yes…she’s unusual. But…it’s more that I love her. People can be that uniquely well suited for each other. And we are.

People’s obsession with my trauma bond, dysfunctional fake romantic relationship with Jack…and my attempt to be gay…is dysfunctional in and of itself. I wasn’t gay! I was straight. But I certainly wasn’t gay. It’s obvious!

That woman is clearly not straight. Lacey can tell.

This woman also seems not-straight.

Frankly Ethel seems mostly straight.

But…I actually do seem entirely straight. People superimpose a gay persona on my photos if it’s missing in any way.

Look…how do people who think she’s just imagining things…and that my ghost isn’t telling her the real truth…explain why I wasn’t sadder at his wedding. And no! You can’t bullshit us. …I didn’t look that sad. I really didn’t. …I look genuinely happy. EXPLAIN! HOW…did I genuinely not care!? How did I NOT CARE!? No excuses like, “I’m pretty sure weddings aren’t that serious!” or “He looks sad to me!” No. It’s OBVIOUS. …EXPLAIN! …And you know…if you can’t…maybe my explanation on this blog is more accurate than you’d like to think!

“The truth is…as a psychic…I’d be more concerned. I’m dead now. But I was a psychic in life. …And I frequently contacted the dead. And his insistence would have been a huge red flag to me. Also the sadistic attitude towards her! You’re all EVIL in how you respond to her. Whoever and whatever you are. …She’s not being respected and heard. …Her interpretation of his speech about his own life is accurate based on the Daily Mail article! So you’re all actually contradicting yourselves. Whoever and whatever you are. And then you ignore that!? YOU CAN’T!!! …He was angry when he said that stuff. And he was mean at times, apparently. Not moody like you’d previously been saying. …You’re changing your story. And it’s not safe FOR YOU.

He was straight. Okay!? He was molested and got confused. And Jack used him.

That’s the truth.

But it’s hard to see. …Because the Kennedys don’t like it and never did and Lem was extremely confused!” says a dead female psychic. “But…nah! You all are posers! A real psychic would know not to keep questioning this! …Because she’s not just some filthy liar. See…you all are stuck on that for other reasons. Because you want to feel superior. But…she’s not. And this is real. I’m really talking to y’all! …He was a confused straight man! So confused. …But he was actually a heterosexual.

And all or most of the evidence she’s written that he’s shared with her…IS REAL.” says the psychic.

“Explain why he didn’t care!!!” says Dr. Billings.

“Because he loved Jack so much?” says a woman.

“NOPE! Not a thing. That’s a narcissistic mindset.” says Dr. Billings.

Later.

“She set herself up. You simply DO NOT go back to a hotel room with a man alone, almost ever. Especially in this context.” says Lacey. “HOWEVER…she did feel…uncomfortable…apparently. …And when I read him…what comes to me…is that he didn’t care. He found her attractive. …She seemed interested. …And I think he is genuine. But that doesn’t mean he’s safe. …I think he just didn’t care about her feelings at the end of the day. He was subtly offered sex with her by her…and at that point he stopped giving a shit what she wanted after that. …That’s what I think happened.

If you watch his comedy you should have known this! People astound me! They watch this asinine shit. That’s degrading to humanity. But is passed off as funny and maybe even wholesome. But in reality is crass. …And then they expect these men to be sweethearts. Someone like Chris Hayes should be a sweetheart. But this man? No! Absolutely not!

Was he pure evil? NO. Maybe not? Or was he? Slightly? Because you can’t just not care like that. …But she’s very pretty. She’s of age. And…I think he may have gotten the wrong idea. Initially. …And yet no. You can’t just not care!” says Lacey.

“Yeah. I think you’re right. I think he just didn’t care.” says Lauren Maupin. “I think he was into her…and he didn’t feel she had a right to back out.”

“Yeah. He might be narcissistic. …Or he might just be…nuts.” says F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Later.

“I’m still straight.

And there’s still no explanation for why I was so happy at Jack’s wedding.” says Lem.

“I mean you can’t point to one-“ says a woman.

“It’s so esoteric.” says another woman.

“It doesn’t mean anything!” says Joe Kennedy II.

“I don’t believe it! You were so sad!!! SO SAD!! AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!” says another man.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER! You have such stupid facts! They’re MEANINGLESS!” says a female influencer.

“You just can’t believe yourself!” says a demon to Lacey who worked with JFK who frequently attacks Lacey. “You’re so stupid!”

“But what actual explanation do you have!?!?” says Lem.

“I don’t NEED ONE!!” yells an influencer.

“No. There’s got to be an explanation.” says Lem. “Or I’m straight.”

“Lem. Were you straight!?” asks Barbara Corcoran.

“Yes.” he says. “There’s misunderstood evidence that’s not what happened, so to speak. But I can and could explain it all. …Because I’m telling you that I was straight.”

“Explain the wedding!!!” says Dr. Billings.

“There’s no explanation.” says a gay man.

“Then why…doesn’t that mean I was straight!?” says Lem.

“It does.” says a gay CIA operative.

“Then why can’t you let it go!?” says Lem. “You refuse to let her believe it without being profoundly spiritually attacked.”

Later.

“I talked with God a lot today.

Seems I’m slightly dead. And that’s part of the reason why I am able to talk with dead people.

And…I really am with Lem.” says Lacey.

“What’s that feel like?” asks Pete Buttigieg, if there’s an Illuminati.

Lacey thinks.

Solitude by M83 plays.

“It feels like my life…is somehow really over. Just slightly. Like…I feel like it’s ended. In some odd way. …And…I have less choice than most other people.” says Lacey.

“Like how!?” says Elon Musk, if there’s an Illuminati.

“Like she’s stuck in one level of a video game.” says a woman. “And there’s nothing she can do.”

“Great way to explain it!” says Lacey.

“Have you tried to get out?” says Donald Trump.

“Sort of. …I don’t know if I can.” says Lacey. “It’s a very weird feeling. But yeah. It feels like I’m stuck in one…level. Of a video game. Until I really die.”

“Is that bad?” says a witch.

“Not entirely.” says Lacey. “Death feels more real than life though sometimes.”

“As it would.” says God.

“Yeah. It’s creepy talking to her.” says her cousin Matthew. “Because in a way she’s in my realm. And yet she’s not yet…”

“There are some other people who live like her. Most of them are on the streets. Homeless. And not by choice or drug addiction. …Through years of severe neglect and abuse. …And they too start to transition before death becomes apparent.” says God.

“So humanity has really abandoned her that much!?” says a man who works at 7/11 at 30. He laughs.

“Yes.” says God.

“I was actually straight. And she’s my twin flame, so to speak.” says Lem Billings. “Tom, her father, is in a horrible place. But God gives him grace.”

“Hopefully he takes comfort in knowing she still remembers being held by him.” says a psychic, smiling.

“If he did…it does. …But…it’s still AWFUL. …Of course.” says Lem.

“Lem…why did you never try to talk about your heterosexuality!?” she says.

“To who!??” he says.

“Yeah. …I’m not that lost yet.” says the guy at 7/11.

Lacey thinks.

“Death is the final answer. Someday. …But…you still have some hope left.” says Lacey.

He smiles. Watches a sunset. Thinking. “Yeah!”

“You’re…a real man.” says Lacey.

He thinks.

The Consolations of Philosophy by Max Richter plays.

“You remind me of a pioneer. …You know? The men who used to work as hired hands? Or…cowboys. …Brave men! Who often worked very hard and lived alone.” says Lacey.

He smiles.

“No. Really! …They’ve written novels about men like you. …You’re society’s secret hero.” says Lacey.

He thinks.

“Sometimes they marry. But they’re…incredibly brave, regardless.” says Lacey.

“When I try to see it from that perspective I actually don’t feel like such a loser.” he says.

“You’re working. You have a clear mind. And you’re a possibly nice person. …That’s…A LOT.” says Lacey.

“Yeah!!” he says.

“You’re…meaningful.” says Lacey.

“Am I?” he says.

“Yes!! Don’t let that go to your head.” says Lacey.

“Yeah.” he says. “What’s death like?”

“Do I seem like a ghost to you?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah!!!” he says.

“Life feels…over. But I’m still here. And…it’s…by God’s grace…not that bad.” says Lacey.

He nods. “Yeah!” he says.

She smiles. “I hope you really enjoy living.”

“I’m going to try!” he says.

“I hope it goes well!!!” says Lacey.

“I’m…intrigued.” he says.