“Lem. You’ve ruined your afterlife.
What in hell were you thinking!?” says Elliott Roosevelt.
Last night Lacey dreamt of Louis.
“I helped her have that dream. …He’s still in love with her. And she needed someone who would love her. …Just to remember what that even is, as a concept.” says Lem.
“How did he ruin it?
With childish bullshit like joking about a penis. Naming it!
The only people who name a penis are children growing into adolescence who are…embarrassed by their own sexuality…but don’t want anyone to know that or adults who actually are embarrassing to themselves. …It’s STUPID. …I’ve got an usually good dick. And I’m incredibly good in bed. …And that is sexy. To a real adult. …Giving some loser with a tiny dick a ‘dick name’ is just dumb.
Lem…that photo…advertised your stupidity.
You were bragging about sex that NEVER EVEN HAPPENED. …And you know how I know? …Because IT’S IMPOSSIBLE.
…I know you were straight. Because there’s no way a man could be that happy at a wedding like Jack and Jackie’s…if he was friends with Jack the way you were…and was at all attracted to men. You were far too genuinely happy. Ready to dance with Jackie! Ready to touch Jack! …LOOK…I’ve had PLENTY of wives and girlfriends who have been mad at me. And I know women don’t want to touch you…if they’re feeling hurt in that particular way. And I know gay men wouldn’t be any different.
…Lacey can’t handle it Lem. …I can handle how stupid people are. What lemmings they are. What an intellectual heretic David Pitts is. Lacey can’t. …It genuinely breaks her heart. Breaks her brain! Ha. …It’s…too much for her. …And that’s part of why she slept with me. After you. I’m protective of her.
J. J. Maher!? What a STUPID thing to do.
And then you LIED and pretended like Jack and you had something special!? …Lem…IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE!! …People have FEELINGS! …There is no woman nor man…who could EVER not get hurt. And you were included in that!! WHAT IN HELL…MADE YOU THINK SOMETHING SO DUMB!?
You were straight! But you insisted otherwise! …And by doing so you created a dangerous mythology. …That a human can be rejected and battered…but still EXTREMELY HAPPY. …That’s impossible Lem. …Nobody can be that unaffected.
How…does that work? This handsome man, like you. Who’s elite. And smart. And sophisticated. But who’s…incredibly happy. For no real reason whatsoever. …What IN HELL makes him SO DAMN HAPPY?” says Elliott.
“I committed suicide.” says Lem.
“Yeah! But you sure were cheerful. …Like when that photo was taken.” says Elliott.
Lem laughs.
“What!? What made you so happy?” says Elliott.
Lem looks horrified. Thinks.
“Yeah!!
And that’s why she slept with me.” says Elliott. “Lem…I stopped making jokes like you made in that photo in high school. …I stopped bragging that way at age 17. …I still bragged. But not like that. …That’s either devastating to her or repulsive.”
They think.
“She’s sexually experienced.
Mark was a womanizer.
She knows…what’s what.
Lem…answer my damn question!!!” yells Elliott.
“The idea was to seem…sexually experienced.” says.
“YEAH!
But then that means you’re REJECTING HER!!!” yells FDR, in exasperation with Lem. “Because she’s not an inhuman sex robot like you!! Who sold their soul to HELL!!”
“OR…you’re…meaningless. …She just hasn’t realized that yet. …You’re a destructive fool. Or you’re a weird, tragic person…who sold their amazing soul…TO HELL. HOW DO YOI NOT UNDERSTAND!!?” yells Elliott. “HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID!??
And that’s…why I still want to be with her!!
Lem…actual sex is REALLY GOOD! …And she’s better in bed than most women. And I was very in love with her. …Why…would I tolerate this from ANYONE!? …No matter how sad their life was!” says Elliott.
“It’s not real.
A lot of men still can’t let go of that.
They think they’re cool.
I…think the idea is…” says Lem.
“The idea is that you’re sexually SUPERIOR!!!” yells Elliott. “UNTOUCHABLE!!!”
“No. It’s not real.” says Lem. “It doesn’t exist.”
“But YOU LIED TO EVERYONE!!!” yells Elliott. “Acting like you were having SO MUCH FUN…waltzing through New York. Slutting it up!
What actually happened!? …Jack abused you!!
He used you and bullied you.
What made you so CHIPPER!??” says Elliott. “Because it wasn’t Jack’s cock!! THAT’S A LIE!!”
“I was straight. …If I was gay…at all…I’d have been devastated by Jack’s coldness at Choate. …He could be very cold. …And I’d have been…devastated. …People like Rip didn’t take him seriously. And that’s how they didn’t feel more hurt by him. …I did. …But not entirely. …But if I’d been gay…I’d have had to deal with him in a real way. …His actual moods. His actual personality disorders. Because when you’re intimate with someone…even just as fuck buddies…you’re still fucking. …And as pleasurable as fucking is…it’s fucking. …People used to know that! …But then idiots ruined common sense…with pseudo science. …And ‘sex is just sex’ became a thing. …It isn’t! Scientifically it isn’t. …Spiritually it isn’t. …And people like Lacey never forgot. …And you, Elliott…knew too much. …And so did I. …But…I wanted a friend.
I was a lonely kid. And Jack took advantage of that.
I was really mostly just looking for a friend. But I was confused too.
Had I been gay…I’d have been devastated. Early on. Women often were. And…the men he chose were…special in some way like me…so he could get away with it…or they were bisexual…and…very confused in their own ways.
But that’s not what bothers you. Nor what bothers Lacey. …You’re mad that I didn’t…get it.” says Lem.
“Lem…did you think you were just better than everyone!?! OR WHAT!?
Answer my question!” says Elliott.
“No. …I seem like I did though?” says Lem.
“YES!” says his brother.
“You seem like a dirty…filthy hearted rat.” says Elliott. “Masquerading as a nice guy!”
“And that photo is…that?” says Lem.
“YES.” says Louis laughing at him, in exasperation.
“I wasn’t though.” says Lem.
“But that’s what she’s been trying to tell you for three years!” says Dr. Billings. 
“So Bobby, I hate to burst your bubble sweetie but you’re a fucking idiot to me partially for that reason. You live in a false world, and I am astounded by how stupid you are.” says Lacey to Bobby.
“I slightly know that!” says Bobby.
“But it took you how many years to figure it out!?!” says Lacey. “Bobby it has been so demoralizing to me as an American to see how dumb your family is! How the fuck did you idiots never realize that you were just entirely full of shit!?” She thinks. “You want to know why you’re not old money because of this bullshit! Your family still believes in old wives tale nonsense that genuinely sophisticated people like myself know is absolutely impossible bullshit. And I know you actually believe it don’t lie to me. I can tell it’s still tickles you to think that you can hurt people that way. And you can but it’s incredibly destructive to all of society and it’s completely impossible. It’s a waste of money. It’s a waste of energy. It’s not a real thing.”
“I am a sex addict.” he says. 
“OK but then you’re supposed to have realized that you’re just high OK!? When you’re on heroin sweetie you’re supposed to have realize that you’re just fucking high! Something really good didn’t actually happen to you! You’re just high!!!” she says.
He thinks.
“But it’s embarrassing to watch you people think that something really good is happening to you and you’re sadistic I know that I can tell you’re not entirely in your right mind there’s something wrong with you but you also really think it’s real and Bobby it’s not.” says Lacey. “And being Irish and mass from Massachusetts and being from a poor background sweetie people look down on you and think you’re a fucking piece of worthless trash compared to them because that’s what you’re acting like.”
“How prevalent is that Lacey?” asks Olivia.
“I think a lot of people think that and then don’t tell people. I think they’re dishonest about it.” says Lacey.
“So that’s why people lie in the opposite direction and pretend to be incredibly faithful? See I would have a hard time doing that because I’m a sex addict and so it’s just like natural to me to cheat.” says Bobby.
“Yeah but you’ve made it into something that it’s not. Okay!?” says Lacey.
“People are really gullible though Lacey and they think that I am impressive.” says Bobby.
“They do but then you run out of social capital eventually and I don’t think you realize that.” says Lacey.
“We’re not as smart as you OK? If my family was into bootlegging Lacey, we were not the Banks family from Massachusetts. We were the Kennedys from Massachusetts. And I’m not surprised that you’re telling me this because of our families backgrounds, but it…it hurts because people have lied to me.” says Bobby.
“Well…I’m telling you, you’re fucking welcome!
And yeah OK it hurts but what are you gonna do about it? You know? I’m sorry that it hurts but now you know…and I’m surprised that no one‘s ever told you.” says Lacey.
“We really actually did need her there. Most people aren’t as blunt as her or a smart.” says Bobby Kennedy Senior.
“But I have a very hard time believing that no one‘s ever told him that! Certainly he’s had a wife tell him that? Right?” says Lacey.
“Yes I did. I tried to tell him that he looked kind of shady so to speak but people didn’t say it the way that you’re saying it.” says Emily in the afterlife.
“That’s very hard for me to believe. I can’t necessarily believe that. But I am definitely taking that information into consideration.” says Lacey.
“I treat her like she’s older than me!!
I talk to her like she’s my older sister!!
Are you fucking stupid!?” yells Bobby Kennedy Senior at a lot of people.
“Yes…sweetheart, they could be!” says Gloria Swanson to Bobby.
“How do people not notice that though? That I am kind of protective of him like an older sister? It’s a little weird.” says Lacey.
“Do you feel bossed round by her Bobby?” says Boston.
“You know Joe really was in love with her for decades. And she knows that my son can’t handle that. But that is the reality of what’s happening and her and I are both intellectual enough in some way (hopefully I am) to know that. I’m a ghost and if there’s a Purgatory, I am in Purgatory and she knows that she’s not Catholic because she’s too Christian to be Catholic. But she understands that there’s probably Purgatory. And so just to stay sane, because Purgatory is actually kind of scary I have told myself to keep certain things in mind. And one of those things that I’ve kept in mind is that she was essentially like an older sister to me. She’s not really a Millennial in a certain sense. She is more like a member of my generation, who is trapped. And so, even though she’s young, her brain thinks more like mine. And I would say by the time she was probably 25 I couldn’t think of her as younger than me anymore in a certain way. I’m not an innocent person, but this isn’t about that this is about the fact that I genuinely couldn’t think of her as a child in relation to myself. There was no way to do that because it’s just nonsense. Tom is her father, she thinks like me, and my brother was in love with her from the other side. It’s really that simple!
And he was a loser about it, but that’s on him. But it was real, and my whole family lived in that reality for decades. Maybe he didn’t love her the way that he should have OK maybe it was somewhat dishonest, because it was meant to distract her from what was happening with Lem. But he actually was in love with her. That was real! And when you’re does everything is different. So it’s not imaginary fairytale land OK? This is real!
I’m actually Bobby Kennedy Senior! Her father really is Tom Banks. And we really didn’t know who she was before she did. Because why wouldn’t we!? I know we weren’t kind about it. We didn’t tell her! I mean we kind of did, but not really. And we took advantage of the fact that she didn’t know, and some people got carried away because they didn’t realize that she’d have to know in order for their bullying to make any sense. I mean if you’re bullying her because she’s Tom’s daughter and she’s privileged in a way that you’re not. She Hass to know she’s Tom’s daughter otherwise she’s gonna look for a reason and she’s never going to figure it out. And it’s funny in a very dark awful way. And so she was being hurt because we were mad but she had no idea why. And she knew she was being communicated with from the other side by the very famous people. *he laughs*
But that’s where I am like her and I just laugh at my flaws hopefully sometimes at least. I was short, she’s ditzy.
And yes, she’s also a genius with a very pure kind and tender heart.
And so Are you’ve got to grow up and realize that she’s not making that up. She’s dizzy and so she shares it in a way that sounds unbelievable. Because it’s kind of like Karen in Mean Girls. She doesn’t know how to tell you in a way that sounds believable.
So when she says things like, ‘oh no, I know time is my father!’ She really means it and and he is her father. Whether that’s biological or supernatural, it ends up being the same thing. Her parents were terrible people they are elite, and Tom looks like her dad to a staggering degree, and they have very similar personalities. And he never had kids if she’s not his daughter. And he wishes that he had. So it’s a little too convenient that there’s this sweet little girl who needs a dad who would be perfect as his daughter who is just there, and all he has to do is just be her father simple as that. And that man is not dumb enough to not know that that just makes sense and so because she really is like me, that’s not fake she really is… her body, and her brain really are genetically like the greatest generation. And whether that’s a fluke or because she’s actually Tom’s daughter, it’s the same thing she ends up being his daughter. You people have it in your head that she’s unlovable, and that things like that could never happen, and that’s absurd. She’s a well bred, intelligent sweet little girl to him, and she looks like his daughter. They have a bond, they get along and it’s real. And I would not rule it out that she’s actually his biological daughter Bobby. Be very careful with that one! I know, but I am looking at it from your perspective.
Don’t assume that she’s not his biological daughter unless if you have very good evidence!” says Bobby Kennedy Senior to Bobby Kennedy Junior.
“Are you impressed by Lem’s house?“ Bobby asks Lacey.
“No and yes, but no.” says Lacey.
“Why not?” says Bobby.
“Because it’s just a house in the city! It’s a very beautiful house and it’s big, but it’s not that special and it’s really just a house in the city.” says Lacey.
“She’s being honest!” says Bobby Kennedy Senior.
“Is that how Joe would’ve started to see it to following her lead secretly?” says Bobby.
“Had she been there and had he been alive? Yes. Lem was straight. I know that’s hard to believe you don’t have to, but he really was straight.
And his way of thinking of things was totally off.” says Bobby Senior.
“Give me an example!” says Bobby Junior.
“You’re getting one right now!” says Bobby Senior. “When people Bobby grow-up and deal with their actual sexual orientation that’s real unless if they’re a narcissist, there’s pain involved. Because they realize they could be brutally rejected at their core as a person. Lacey doesn’t know if you’ve ever understood that and she wonders if Lem is somewhat responsible. Yes, you’re a narcissist but I think you’re smart enough to have realized that people really are getting genuinely hurt and that it’s totally dysfunctional.
When people are dealing with their actual orientation, Bobby, they realize when they’re a teenager that the world is a very awful place in a way. And it makes them far more reticent to believe other people. It’s self-preservation.
So for Lacey, the world is a certain way.  And people might not like that but they have to respect it because that’s her actual perspective and she knows that and so she doesn’t back down. And I went through that developmental process myself because even though I was somewhat narcissistic, I could still get hurt. See. and you start to think to yourself, ‘Hey…why can’t I get hurt? Everyone else is getting hurt what’s wrong with me?’ And so most narcissists Bobby realize that they should be able to get hurt by somebody.  And you’ve never gone through that potentially according to Lacey ever and it’s really weird. 
Being so invulnerable is kind of strange.
And I know you try to seem like you’re really tender, but Bobby people like her and I don’t believe you.
Just because you’re a sensitive person doesn’t mean that you’re getting hurt.
Oh, so where am I going with us just that and why doesn’t she think that the house is that impressive? Well because it’s not. To us it would seem impressive given our background. Have you given her background? She just instinctively knows that it’s just a townhouse for a rich person in the city. And yeah that’s impressive but there have been people who have been that rich living in New York for hundreds of years. Why would Lem be so special? The only reason why he would be would be because of us and his background in his family. And his family is pretty impressive. Believe it or not. So there’s that. But they’re not like the Rockefellers or the Vanderbilts or her family. And they’re not Harold Loeb, or even F Scott Fitzgerald in a sense. And so coming from her perspective of being raised in a very harsh harsh way, which I actually kind of understand you don’t care if it’s offensive to people to say something like what she said about his house. It’s a doggy dog world. And you have to be fair and you want to be empathetic and you want to be loving to people but you’re not gonna go around kissing people’s ass.” says Bobby Senior.
“But dad to people today that just seems so intense.” says Bobby Junior.
“Fine! And to her and I it’s not! And Joe would’ve thought like I did, and like she does, and we would’ve realized that were smarter thinking like her than kissing people’s ass.” says Bobby Senior.
“I’m pretty sure that was your dad!” says Cheryl Hines.
“Bobby why don’t you take this more seriously?” says a child.
“Do you people just think I’m like a clown?” says Bobby to Lacey.
“They do. Yes.” says Ted.
“Who made him that way? Was it Lem?” says Lacey.
“Yes and no!” says God.
“ I am I’m sorry Lacey I am not as strong as I should be ohI I’m sorry to have to say this right now Bobby but I have to interrupt this conversation to talk to her. I thought it was cool to show off sexually. And I never grow out of it because I never really had real sex. I never realized how stupid it actually was because I never really started actually having normal adult sex. There are some people who do show off and act crazy. Who are adults. But they’re full of it somehow always. Because that kind of showing off really is immature and stupid it is genuinely stupid, psychologically speaking people don’t think it is because they don’t really know but when you’re sexually experienced enough, you realize that it’s not about being a good person you realize that it doesn’t really exist but there’s really nothing to brag about, it’s not real. A lot of people are too ugly to be blunt or too awkward or too narcissistic to really have experienced good sex, and understand the emotional dynamics and they still think it’s funny. But for people who grow up who are good looking and not narcissistic at all or who aren’t really messed up in some sad way you figure it out. And if I had a relationship with Jack, I should’ve figured that out because I wasn’t a narcissist. There’s ample evidence to suggest that. And I really was too good looking I’m sorry if you look at me without my clothes, you can tell. I was perfectly capable of having a very good adult sex life where I would’ve realized what most people realize who have a good sex life. A lot of these people who are new money are ugly and they don’t get it. Casi is ugly and she doesn’t get it either. People are not as aroused by her as they are by Lacey because you know a woman with big tits is attractive, but her face is not that great. And she’s fat. And I’m sorry, but I’m being honest, and so there are a lot of people like her and a lot of dumb, wealthy men who are not that good looking who don’t realize and didn’t realize when they went on Jeffrey Epstein‘s plane that they’re gullible and stupid, and that there’s nothing there to brag about. Jeffrey was a pervert, but he was good-looking enough to have had a somewhat decent sex life and I think he knew I think he knew what he was doing. I think he was a very sadistic person Innoway and I think he knew that a lot of these men were nerdy, vulnerable and stupid.
Because they were.
And so given the nature of American culture in the late 20th century know a lot of people never got it that sort of joking and that sort of tomfoolery really isn’t sophisticated. It’s just stupid.
How did I never realize that because let me tell you a lot of the men in my generation, if not most of them eventually did. That episode of everyone loves Raymond, where all those men are talking about women is bullshit. If Lacey was was Deborah, she would’ve been flattered Lacey would’ve just been flattered and thought whatever but then she also would’ve thought are these men perverts are they freaks? What the fuck is going on because she’s smart. And she would’ve thought there are so many we’re gonna talk about women behind their back literally because that’s just how men are OK? I am an adult woman I’m not their daughter they apparently think I’m attractive big fucking deal! And I am an adult! And yeah, if she’s Tom’s daughter, clearly, her mother thought the same way.
Her mother was a very beautiful woman if she’s illegitimate, so to speak.
And she was a woman, but she just saw things the way that Lacey did and maybe part of it as being Scandinavian they just weren’t dumb enough to think that when you’re an adult you’re not an adult.
And it’s true. There are some men who probably really are more fatherly, but really technically an adult as an adult. And so, unless if that’s establish that there’s a fatherly bond between people, it’s kind of middle class to think that it was just automatically be a father daughter bond. And so she would’ve thought whatever they think I’m attractive that’s too bad. I guess that they have crap marriages and that throw that horny that they’re noticing someone but then that’s it. So of course, when men are in a bad relationship with their wife, but they’re trying to be faithful in someway, and then they see an attractive young woman at the VFW and they’re all sitting around drunk. Of course they’re gonna talk about her in a platonic non-sexual sexual way. It only gets weird in reality for people like her when it becomes homoerotic or when it becomes and that’s not necessarily weird but it can be or was in that generation him or when it becomes perverted in some other way.
Some men did that because they were mean. So it could be a form of bullying.
But if it doesn’t become perverted in that way, because perversion is perversion, if it doesn’t become perverted, it’s just a bunch of men, noticing a beautiful young woman.
Well young compared to them.
So umm… and how did I get away with being so upbeat and cheerful because I was straight. I thought I didn’t really want to hurt women the way that Jack did…but I likes the idea of being with lots of chicks. It’s weird that no one has ever realized this about me. I really was straight. And I I really liked the fact that Jack was so good to be blunt at pulling ass. I don’t think he realized that because he was closeted, and he never realized that my perspective wasn’t his perspective. He always thought that I should be a womanizer, right, except he really didn’t. And because he didn’t want me to be with someone other than him. And he knew that if I was with a woman, he would actually lose me. Because he didn’t know that I was straight completely, but he knew enough to know that he would lose me. So he manipulated me. But I didn’t really want to pull ass! I didn’t really want to do that.
I was deep enough and intelligent enough to know that it didn’t really work. And I didn’t want to hurt people. But I thought that the idea was really arousing. And Jack never accepted that reality or something.
I wasn’t living vicariously through him because I wasn’t that evil. But at the same time, I like the idea of having all of these options. And you know it was this woman on Thursday and that woman on Tuesday and we would meet them, and they flirt with him and I would pose with him like we were sharing the woman and we never did. A lot of dumb Boomers think that I would’ve had to have been gay otherwise, as a nice normal, healthy young man I would’ve obviously been sleeping with them too or someone else. Or they think because they’re stupid as fuck that a gay man could keep an erection with a naked woman, and have sex with her. That’s not ever gay. There are gay men who shared women, but then that woman never had any fun. Almost at all. If she enjoyed herself, and they did that repeatedly, neither of them were actually homosexual. They would’ve had to have been bisexual or pansexual, but they would’ve never been able to be gay and actually do that that’s not real. I’m sorry.
Oh, so the fact that I didn’t sleep with those women is not proof that I was gay. I was a lot more mature than that and I was a grown man we’re trying to be one. Some people really are that adult! Or they were! And I never had a normal, healthy, sexual relationship, other than with my fantasies. But I did have a common sense understanding of sex as a straight man. And people don’t want to hear that nowadays because it’s so upsetting to them, but it actually doesn’t make sense to just sleep with everybody. Culture went totally off the rails on that one about 50 years ago.
That really isn’t a thing either.
I just didn’t want to sleep with women who are I wasn’t in love with I I just didn’t feel comfortable doing that and I wasn’t demisexual. I just didn’t want to do that. I wasn’t gay. So what was happening is that I was feeding off of him in a way that no one has figured out because people don’t wanna accept that promiscuity isn’t healthiness sexually.
So I was straight, but I likes the thought at 13 or 14 years old which in some ways is where I was stunted as a as a man sexually…of having variety. Right because it seems like a good idea?
You know, I had a healthy appetite as a straight man. That is a thing, but the actual promiscuity isn’t. Life is very complicated.
The Boomers oversimplified a lot.
So it seems like a good idea to have a lot of variety of chicks. Do you know because I didn’t like any of them all that much. And I don’t know what he was thinking entirely, but I didn’t. So Sally on Tuesday Maria on Wednesday and Jackie on Thursday hey yeah, that sounds good. Because none of those women are really all that attractive but if you combine them then maybe it’s not so bad. You know because it’s like a little bit of this person a little bit of that person and then maybe if you add that all together at the end of the week you’ll be somewhat satisfied. I mean, none of those people are really all that great but I think people have thought that if you just combine a little bit of this and a little bit of that, throw it all together? maybe you’ve got something. yeah and it doesn’t work and if you grow up as a man, you do realize that. And most men in my generation did. But thanks to Jack Kennedy, and a lot of other idiots. Our children possibly never have.
Because they gave you people the idea that that worked and it doesn’t. And the only way to really be satisfied is to focus on someone because this buffet style sex is just bullshit. I mean it’s like the old country buffet. It’s not that great and you can get very weird combinations on your plate. You’re far better off if you understand food going to a restaurant and ordering some thing that’s thought through and made well. I mean you could go to the old country buffet and get what you want but unless if you’re a culinary expert and then that’s a different analogy you’re not going to get what you want on a certain level. And the fees are fun. It’s a novel idea but it’s the same idea that I had with Jack where it’s just like you get a little bit of this you got a little bit of that and G. Wow, this is cool a redhead on Tuesday a blonde on Thursday and then on Friday. There was a brunette, a blonde and a redhead at a woman who had really curly hair. And I thought I was gay. No I really did but I thought that I was a normal man, and that I was just quietly enjoying the fact that women existed.
And Jack never seem to figure that out, which is interesting. I mean I should’ve been devastated by all of the women that he was sleeping with, but being a narcissist, he never figured that out. Even if we were sharing them, I should have thought no he still is with somebody who’s not me. Which is why those wedding photos are so potent because they prove that I was not sane in someway that I was processing things. but it wasn’t insanity in any way. That makes sense other than heterosexuality and abuse. So I didn’t understand that there was a problem I didn’t necessarily ever tell him why I was enjoying his letters so much. I think he probably thought that he was torturing me, but that I could take it somehow because I was in love with him or that something cool was going on. I don’t think he ever processed the reality that that wasn’t really possible. And in that way, I really hurt him because he actually was bisexual. He was a narcissist, and he was abusive, and he doesn’t necessarily deserve the empathy and sympathy. Some people would give him because he was very cruel to me. But it went over my head because I knew that he was coming onto me the way that he was talking to me about these women. I knew that there was a Homo erotic tone to it, but I didn’t care. I thought yeah he’s a jerk you know and he’s trying to hurt me with this, but I’m not hurt so jokes on him. So when he would write about all these checks, i.e. I found it exciting it was like reading play boy it was like ooh, and then what happened I wanna know more! I wasn’t hurt by it I wasn’t interested in sharing them with him. I just wanted to know more because it was it was really exciting. Because it was like oh and then what did you do and then what did she do and then what happened? Oh I want to know everything because I was straight and I was incredibly sex starved, but I thought that I was gay. So did I ever give him oral sex and think of the women that he’s been with? And it’s hard to believe but the answer is no.
Hi, sort of compartmentalized it I would read his stories I would think about those women, but then that was the end of it. I wasn’t lusting after them after the fact. And frankly I was straight, so I didn’t enjoy the side of him in that way. I just sort of had to close my eyes, plug my nose, and distract myself because I was straight. And I wasn’t that confused. I was confused, but not in that way.
So I wasn’t force, feeding myself gay sex. But I was doing it and trying not to complain about it. Northshore paranormal has a woman who I think might be bisexual as one of their investigators. Her aesthetic seems bisexual. Lacey could imitate that, but she could never be gay the way that some women are. And that was kind of what I did to some degree. I wasn’t bisexual. I didn’t have that taste to be that way, but I did that because I thought I was being honorable, and I only did it to a degree that I thought was tolerable. To be perfectly honest with you I actually did arouse myself at times, pretending to be Lacey. There are some men who are cross-dressers, who are straight, who may actually experience that themselves. I don’t know entirely. But it wasn’t intentional. It was an accident, but at times I did actually talk like her and start thinking who is this woman would be sexy if she existed. Are you there is some thing of that photo of that in my photo and that way I was possibly confused. Possibly. So I would get aroused by the thought of this woman that I was channeling in a sense to try to be gay and it wasn’t by any man that I was around but I was aroused by her. It wasn’t me being myself in anyway, it was her. It was Lacey to some degree. And I thought that I was Lacey but I also knew that I wasn’t and that it was just P being gay and then that’s where I would lose interest because I was straight. So it wasn’t just like oh I’m going to be a feminine man to attract a guy. It was more like oh, I’m gonna be a feminine man, not as a sort of acts to Xpress homosexuality or because that’s part of my homosexuality. It was more like I was actually it was more like I was actually umm… I aroused by her by Lacey. So I would get lost in that act, and Jack misunderstood that and found it arousing and other men did too but I never realized that she was a real woman. I never realize that she was a real woman and then I wasn’t just making her up. I mean I knew that she could exist, but I didn’t realize that I was acting like her. I knew that that woman was very attractive to me, but I didn’t realize that I was acting like a real person could be. That she was like me, but she was feminine and attracted to men and the sad truth is I made a mockery of Lacey. Because she would never have been so frigid. The woman that I was pretending to be was actually very frigid. Because if she wasn’t, she was horny all the time in this desperate way. And she was never satisfied him. She was always very she was always very ready to have sex at a moments notice with anybody, and there was no picking and choosing there was no sauce. She was just a horny little idiot, and she frankly was a doormat. But I loved how smart she was. I loved how sensitive she was and I think in the recesses of my mind I did think if I met this woman, I think she would go for me. I think she’d go for me not Jack. I don’t think she’d probably want to sleep with Jack at all necessarily no because if she met me well, she would just know that I was better than him, at least for her. You know I mean it’s it’s like how how could this woman ever go for someone like Jack Jack she would prefer me she would prefer me because why wouldn’t she prefer me we’re so much alike she is like me, but she’s a woman and oh my goodness is she sexy And that’s where I knew that it wasn’t me because I’m not a sexy woman so I think I thought well no I mean OK this isn’t really me but she seems so nice and so loving and I think we’re together somehow and it’s not it’s not like she’s me, but somehow she’s me? So I think I’m just gonna hang out with this woman. And keep channeling her and being her but I didn’t have that conscious thought that that was the idea it’s like no I have a really good companion it’s myself and is not myself, but it’s my self. She’s a really good looking woman she’s got great taste. She likes, antiques and decorating, and she’s very particular. Why are you don’t mess with her? No, you don’t mess with this woman this is not a woman to mess with! So, let me tell you something if you mess with me, you better watch out because this woman will destroy you!
I am, but I was straight and it was innocent believe it or not because I didn’t really understand what I was doing and I just thought no this is me. This is me I am being myself, but I’m gay and this is me trying to be gay, you know because men aren’t attracted to women normally but women are attracted to men and if I was a woman, this is what I would be like, and it’s a persona I knew it was a persona I knew it wasn’t really me, but I thought that I was gay and I thought it was appropriate to act that way because it would be like me if I was attracted to men. And that sounds like I should’ve just realized that I was straight but I never had that realization I just thought oh this is just me and Anne and I am attracted to men because I am gay and I’ll just be this person. And I wasn’t developing a sense of self as a homosexual. I was trying to be gay and I wasn’t and there is a difference. So it’s like oh no no I am I am just being a woman who is attracted to men but I’m a man yeah and it never occurred to me that that didn’t make any sense and that’s entirely possible. I’m sorry.
Because it it wouldn’t occur to you. There are some thought processes that function in a certain way, where it’s kind of like a Road and you drive by certain realizations, but you never have them. And maybe if you drive by them enough and people start pointing the scenery out to you you might start realizing something but if you never get if you never get off yeah the path you never have the realization you just keep driving by it and if you’re not paying attention, you don’t even know what you’re driving by necessarily. Which is proof that people have spirits, and that they’re not just brain. So we can sometimes come close to getting some thing and then we don’t get it but that’s because our spirit just isn’t hearing it in our own brain. And then that’s why we have to have a counselor and then that’s where counselors are helpful and people who are as smart as Lacey because they know the way the brain works and the sort of thought processes that people have and part of that, as a cultural, understanding part of that is incredibly complex and minimizing. Her intelligence is a very stupid thing to do. I’m sorry,
So I thought that I was Lacey, but I also didn’t, and I found her attractive. And that had nothing to do with me being into Jack and he didn’t know that. and honestly to know, I also enjoyed his writing in a way that he did not understand.
So basically, I enjoyed that part of being his friend at times where it was like. Oh no, this woman’s kind of attractive I don’t really wanna have sex with her myself because she’s dumb. Not really that great but you know I mean she’s kind of good looking and she’s sweet and Her Own Way,, Kinda And I mean there’s nothing really special about her but she’s kind of like a friend and I don’t know I guess we’ll just hang out and I’ll throw my arm around her and take a picture and act gay and blow her gay kisses and then later tonight he’ll have sex with her and I’ll read a book Because I don’t really want to sleep with her she’s not that good looking and she’s kind of stupid but I’m just being honest he did. He had a lot of women who are better looking than average, but not that great with a lot of them weren’t that intelligent and so they weren’t really my type and so it’s like oh no she’s somewhat good looking but she’s kind of an airhead and she’s totally conceited And she is very dull in a way but she’s got kind of a nice body so I mean I can pretend that I am in love with her slightly for the picture and because I think I’m gay I’m gonna act gay when I do it because that’s what we’re doing. It’s a gay thing, you know I’m sharing her with Jack for the picture or something but cause Jack love to take dirty pictures he like taking homoerotic pictures with me. It was really exciting to him. And so he he took those pictures and they were posed by him and then the pictures were done and I just left you guys I just left I just went and read a book. I don’t know what you people are thinking happened that I did some thing and helped Him you know I wouldn’t have really enjoyed that because it wasn’t something that I would’ve. How do I say this it wasn’t something that I would’ve wanted to do every single fucking day if I was gay. I mean when that where is the relationship when we have time together we’re consistent time together it’s just every single day. He’s with somebody else every couple of days even we get frustrating. After a while you guys are not thinking these things through. So no, I did not participate. I’ve told you that people might think that I did and maybe there’s some evidence that I did at some point, but I actually didn’t. I would sit in at a room nearby I would be aware of what was going on. I at times made a bed in the same room with him but most of the time I wasn’t actually I was outside in the hallway or I was in another room or I was somewhere else I wasn’t far from him Necessarily, although sometimes I actually more than you think I actually was but I wasn’t I was a part of it but I wasn’t so I was reading a book literally just reading a book or I was or I was watching television sometimes I was doing my own thing yeah but then that would’ve been separate from him. And it wouldn’t have been about her. It would’ve been about the woman that I was looking at in the dirty magazine that I used or the woman that I imagined in my head. I did do that sometimes, but most of the time I actually just sat and read a book or watch television or listen to the radio because it wasn’t me. It wasn’t really what I wanted, but I enjoyed the thought of him being with people. Because I wasn’t in love with him, and I was straight.
And so I was a straight friend. And maybe there are some gay men that don’t understand that concept I don’t know.
Yeah, I didn’t have any desire for him. I was straight.
So I would just sometimes I would join in, but often I really wasn’t interested in anything like that, and Jack didn’t insist because he really just wanted to be with them by himself because he was bisexual. and so he would do this with women and I would just hang out because I was straight so I would just chill in the other room, reading a book, watching television I didn’t care you know he was a buddy and he was just getting laid, and I was just waiting for him to be done. and so was that weird yeah it was very weird but I thought I was gay. I thought we were in some sort of serious committed relationship of some sort and I mean I thought we were married and I thought whatever he’s just like this, and I don’t want him to be with other people, but at the same time, I kind of like the fact that he is because it’s sort of fun..
And then that was where I was idiot. Because I was enjoying the thought of him being with people there was variety he never committed to any of these women because a lot of women want you to commit when you don’t want to commit. And so it’s like oh Jack’s not gonna get taken in by those women they’re not gonna get the best of him. And he’s just going to have fun and I’m going to help him have fun because then he doesn’t you know expect me to help him and I don’t you know I don’t really enjoy that. I mean you know I guess that’s kind of weird and I do do that because I’m gay and I’m a man and I’m amazing But at the same time I don’t really like it all that much if I’m being honest with myself, so I’m just gonna hire out find a woman and find a man to do it for me and then I’ll just go read a book or watch television, or maybe look at the rate listen to the radio And umm my husbands happy and I’ve done my duty.
And I never took care of him in that way out of any sort of intimacy. Some people think that you couldn’t do that for someone without caring about them and that’s not true. I was raised to be that kind of person I was planning on being that kind of person to a woman. Where are you go out and get pizza you do their laundry you do stuff like that because you want to be there for them and help them. I love them you don’t want to be a bad spouse. Do you want to be supportive, you want to be loving you want to take care of that person I had that in my head as an idea before I ever met him. That’s how I was raised and that’s the way I was socialized. So when I did stuff like that for him, it was it personal that’s just who I am. It doesn’t prove anything. I’m sorry grow up!
And I worried about his emotional state. Yeah, I did. But really not in a way that was intimate. It wasn’t intimate. It was just like is this person happy it’s my job to take care of them and that’s all. it wasn’t like oh I need him to be happy or I’ll be unhappy because I am so in love with him and I want him to be happy for me because he’s my little butterfly. It wasn’t anything like that where it’s like if he is not happy, I’m not happy and I’m in love with him. No I wasn’t trying to butter him up to get him in bed with me every morning. I wasn’t attracted to men and I wasn’t that confused and I actually just was that kind of man I was that kind of person where if you’re in a committed relationship if you’re taking the marriage seriously you do whatever you should do to take care of your partner. That’s how I would’ve treated anybody. He took advantage of me, and he was abusive, but that’s just who I was.
So I would sit there reading a book, and I got no great joy or pleasure out of him being happy. It didn’t make me happy to see him happy that’s not why I was servicing him the way that I was. I didn’t enjoy giving him massages for that reasons. You guys are idiots. I’m sorry it’s really fucking annoying talking to some of you if this is a real conversation.
I did not enjoy making him happy because I wasn’t that confused and I was straight. I made him happy but I didn’t get some great pleasure out of it and you know you can do too much of that and people can start to get annoying anyway but that’s not what happened. I I was the doormat, but it was out of good intentions, and it was just who I was and it had nothing to do with my feelings for him. It was really it was really just me trying to be a good husband as best as I could as a homosexual.
But I was straight, but I thought it was a homosexual, so I was trying to be a good homosexual husband.
So um, Jack wanted to be with someone I didn’t want to do it so I just hired out so I just hired out. I just found someone else to do it I know I just found a woman and that I was done for the night and I would turn in and read a book and, you know have my glass of milk and go to bed. And sometimes I do you know, thought about having fun, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t living this life that people think I was living.
So what is my life miserable? Yeah yeah my life was completely miserable but I thought I was gay and I was just biting the bullet. I even played it up because I was trying to be honorable and at times this is where Lacey gets angry and it’s interesting because she has a right to be. I gave people the impression that I was having a hell of a lot more fun, that is even humanly possible. I will I look straight in that picture in my house but I was trying to look gay and obviously it didn’t work and I wasn’t even interested but obviously it didn’t even work. And yet it did because I physically tried to look, you know appropriate. And so it worked in a sense because I had the mannerisms down but that this energy wasn’t there the actual interest wasn’t there and I was very sad when I took that picture.
So how did I not realize that I was ruining everything probably because I just never had I never had a wake up call I never had an awakening how dumb but I was doing was. So it’s like oh you know obviously I am not. You know going to be getting married but I am Pukana I’ve got I’ve got a busy schedule taking care of Jack and Anda and you know I mean it’s not that much fun because it’s it it got old after a while you know and I really part of the reason. I was so happy at his wedding was because he was settling down. And I was straight, so I was not living by vicariously through him but I was enjoying his wild lifestyle for a while a little bit because I was an idiot to some degree and a lot of people can be but then when he got older, I thought well I think Jack it’s time for you to settle down. You know you’ve had your fun why not find a really nice woman who is really intelligent and pretty yeah, Jackie will do who you know will marry you and umm… we’ll see. Maybe she’ll make you happy maybe you can even be faithful to her and maybe you could have kids and have a life and it’ll be really cool.
So I was really excited at his wedding because it was like oh my gosh Jack’s gonna get married to a nice woman and they’re really gonna have like a normal life and he’s gonna stop messing around and driving me crazy. Because he’s just going to have one wife and she’s going to be tolerable to me at least and I’m just gonna enjoy the thought of him having one wife and just having a normal life.
Innoway, he might have been like a Barbie doll to me and no he wasn’t. I wasn’t living vicariously through him, but I I think in a weird way I might’ve thought of him kind of like a doll. He and I got to control him slightly so it’s like oh no no no you should really think about dating Jackie board. Oh I like Jackie Jackie’s really nice. No we should hang out with Jackie. You know what Jackie is really nice Jack you should really think about Jackie and it wasn’t polyamory. It wasn’t it wasn’t. I am even if I had had a polyamorous relationship with him. Jackie and I didn’t get along that well and honestly she would’ve been replacing me to some degree and or she could’ve been replacing me. I would not have liked being in that position because it just would’ve been painful to me. If so, no it um, it would’ve been painful to me that even if we were polyamorous, I would’ve been sad at their wedding. It is impossible that I wouldn’t have been sad. I am very sad in a romantic way even if you were polyamorous and we weren’t and there’s other evidence of that but no, I would’ve been sad at the wedding, even if we were polyamorous. And honestly, I was not a rival for his affection and love the way people say that I was with Jackie she might have felt that way, but I didn’t. I did in a way possibly that was actually platonic and desperate, but it wasn’t romantic or sexual. Because I I may have felt at times that she was taking him away from me, but it it wasn’t like I experienced a romantic, sexual jealousy. If it wasn’t that kind of jealousy, it might’ve seemed like that, but it actually wasn’t. I really couldn’t have been as happy at their wedding, as I was, if I was attracted to men at all. No, I really couldn’t of been even if I was polyamorous and I knew he was gonna get married and I knew her and we dated as a threesome. I still would have been sad at his wedding. People don’t do well with change, and that would’ve been a huge change for me, and I wasn’t legally married to him ever. And you guys are not thinking this through well and it’s getting to be really irritating if I’m talking to real people.
No, I’m sorry there are people who are in polyamorous relationships who maybe could be happy at a wedding him of their partner to somebody else but that’s very different, and there are some people in those situations who wouldn’t be happy for the same reasons that I couldn’t of been. Given that the nature of our relationship given the nature of how things were in our friendship, and given who we were to each other, it would never have been an easy wedding for me to be at if I was attracted to men, it wouldn’t matter if I was polyamorous, it wouldn’t matter if I was a sexual, there’s nothing that you could come up with. I’ve already said that.
I wasn’t gay I’m sorry get over it!
And I wasn’t attracted to men at all get over it!
I know, given the nature of our friendship given the nature of the trajectory of my relationship. There is no way even if I was polyamorous, and I wasn’t that I would have been happy at that wedding.
Oh, and I was legitimately happy.
So what happened was that I was happy because I was straight and I thought of him like a doll. A little bit potentially, and I was excited that my jack doll was getting married. You know no more 12 AM feedings with some jack ass woman who is yelling while he slaps her in another room I could finally settle down have a decent schedule and Jackie could meet all of his sexual needs easy Peezy.
Better than no no that’s not what happened and he fucked the whole thing up and it actually made me very angry but then that starts getting into why he got shot and if I betrayed him and yes, I did get sick of him after a while because it was every weekend giving him blow jobs every single fucking weekend, giving him oral sex every damn weekend. It was every weekend come over alarm and I would do it and I was thinking well I know it’s coming but whatever we’re together and some tragic way and he was not the center of my universe. I just I felt iota to him to sort of be there for him as a husband, out of a sense of honor and integrity, and also I just didn’t feel safe saying no to him.
So I was over there every weekend pacifying him getting him in a good mood and sometimes I had some fun they had a lot of money so sometimes I did have some fun and I you know that it when it was over it was over thank God and then I go to bed and think about a woman and I thought that was fine because I was a cursed homosexual and that’s just how things were OK you just buck up and deal with it.
And then, obviously, when things started going too far, and he almost blew up the whole world literally, and he was making a mockery of the presidency, I may have decided to just give up and let them shoot him.
It’s interesting isn’t it it’s not like high like purple nude. It’s not like purple noon it’s more like high noon. Actually it’s not like purple noon or purple moon or whatever that is. It’s more like hi moon. High noon. It’s not like the talented. Mr. Ripley, who is not I was I am a very intelligent, gifted mad, but wouldn’t sayI am the talented Lem Billings. You guys I was straight I was a dude as you call them. I was big I was awkward at times I was not this bisexual charming lethario who play the piano. that was Jack. He’s the talented, Mr. Ripley I’m not.
Except I wasn’t bisexual, and so nothing fucking happened. And I wasn’t that confused, so why did I not realize after a while that I wasn’t having any fun?
And I mean, it is an interesting question.
Because I masturbated, I made money through that family. I was scared of them, and I knew that I was very fortunate, because I grew up with some poverty after my father lost all of our money, and I knew that I was very fortunate. And I felt privileged to have so many blessings. But why did I never realize that my sexual appetite was not really being met?
Oh, well I did realize that. I did realize that. And I took that picture Because I am I was stubborn. I was a very stubborn person not like Jack but I was stubborn too.
Oh, and I really thought that I was gay.
So no one could tell me otherwise.
Lacey could have, but that’s different.
Most people could not have told me that or if they did, they would’ve had to be like a psychologist and how they approached me. You couldn’t have just told me something like that.
So I was stubborn I thought no I am gay and I know what I’m talking about. I am a man I know what’s right for myself and I’m going to do it dammit.
And I did it.
I am, so I posed for stupid pictures. I humored people and I was miserable.
I gave Jack oral sex and it was pretty shitty. Oral sex really but he didn’t know the difference.
And I just sat there and took the whole tire thing like a man on the chin you know bare knuckles it. And I tried so you know be a good sport about it because I had lots of male friends that still thought that promiscuous sex was cool because frankly they weren’t that attractive or they were narcissistic or they were really immature people who never really were comfortable with their own sexuality, you know it’s kind of like oh I would break it times you know in a way like oh I had sex with Jack you know here I am with his picture a naughty little wench who fucked the president. Wow.
You know because it’s like I am this daring lothario. This wild man about town! I am I can pull you know I can pull gay ass look at this look at me, but at the same time, I actually was weirded out by it, and I was not actually aroused by bed at all and I you know I didn’t break that often more often. When I would tell people stuff it was to tell them not because I was actually breaking but that picture was with me bragging I guess. And I didn’t know I was straight at the time so it’s like no I am I wasn’t actually happy with Jack but it wasn’t you know that bad and dumb I guess I turned him on and we had gay sex because I’m gay, I thought and you know look at this I am a I’m quite the gay man look who I can have sex with as a gay man is not some thing? And it was easier to brag about it after he died then when he was alive because I was distance from him I didn’t have to deal with him while he was alive. I might not a break as much because I had to deal with him and I was straight and it was miserable but when he was dead, it was easier to think that I you know how to good time and that it wasn’t so bad because I was looking through rose colored glasses, and everyone thought that I was more in love with him than I was and I think I might have someone started to believe people in the mythology of my self and so it’s like oh no I was in love with him. I was really happy with him and I am a really big deal because I slept with the president. I slept with JFK as a gay man here’s proof.
And then, of course, when I realized that I was straight two or three years later, I was, I was devastated by my self beyond words. And that’s part of why I was inconsolable when Bobby canceled on me if I was at all and why I couldn’t get over the fact that I had taken drugs with him because I was straight. And he was what my one chance of having a son? And I thought boy if I fucked that up and I did, what did I even do with my life? I never had kids I never got to have a son I I did nothing I just fucked everything up. And so then it’s like I’m sitting there you know realizing what a shit life I have lead and yeah pictures like that might may or may not have consciously been in my mind but actually they might have been because I had taken dumb pictures like that my whole fucking life practically and it was like what the hell what the fucking hell I’ve made a total asshole of myself.
I’ve taken these gay pictures for people bragged about sleeping with a man who ruined my life, and I’m not really even gay. You know I’ve use my dick to try to fuck a man I’ve open my legs and spread eagle to try to seem sexy to men. Does that the way I was doing? It was mostly a gay pose. It is somewhat heterosexual, but not like it is in the gay community and so it’s like you know I am posing for men and I do you know thinking that I am gay, and a certain sense trying to think that I’m gay trying to convince myself that I am. When it was just a stupid waste of time because I was just violating myself, and I wasn’t enjoying myself and it’s gross is as hell I mean I will I was straight, and I begin to realize that that I was actually grossed out for a reason the whole time.
You have no idea how embarrassing that is to yourself to realize that you gave yourself to people even in a picture, but really at all when you didn’t really want it at all. Like I didn’t really want it at all. And I realize that right before I killed myself on his birthday or tried to I realized that I wasn’t I was disgusting. I had absolutely been totally disgusting.
End it made me want to kill myself. It really did it. I survived for about a year to year and a half with that realization and then I was ready to just die because there was no part of me that wanted to be alive anymore. I thought that this whole life is just been shit and now I know why I figured it out and there’s nothing that I can do. I’ve got herpes. Everyone thinks I’m gay I have a reputation for being a gala, Sario, who fucked the president. I was total piece of fucking shit. And I thought there is absolutely no part of me that wants to live anymore because my God help me I am a clown I am I am a joke of a human being and people thought I was one and I knew that I knew that but I didn’t realize that there was nothing there. You know it’s like well yeah OK Jack was a rule you know jerk and dumb, I could’ve married a woman and I’m little mad about it and I guess you know he’s a real jerk and he kind of ruined my life and there’s a lot there that was just you know pretty bad but I’ll tell you what I’m gay and I am committed to the commitment that I made Even though I’m not in love with him the way that some people are in love with people probably that’s OK and I made a commitment and I’m fortunate and dumb. You know that’s just life you drink you smoke you use drugs do you go to the movies at 3 AM you buy expensive things because that’s all you have, that’s all I had and that’s just life. And then I realized I was straight and I thought shit.
I thought shit I don’t even have that. Why the hell am I using drugs? Why the fuck am I doing any of that shit? I am a heterosexual who wants to get laid. No, I realize that right before I died that I was a heterosexual who just wanted to get laid. And have a wife to do that for me. Because I was capable of having a wife, like I was fully capable of that.
So I thought my gosh here I am a straight man with herpes and a huge fucking house full of antiques. And I love my antiques I still love antiques you can love antiques and be straight and I I liked them so that was fun but it’s like I have all these fucking antiques but no wife and herpes and a reputation as a gay slut.
And I wasn’t really a slut believe it or not I was straight.
I there were a lot of times during dinners I like food And there were a lot of times during dinners before Jackie even died in the 1950s or I would be eating at a diner or I will be trying to eat my own cooking or I would be eating her cooking Jackie’s cooking and I would think this is OK but this isn’t really what I want. You know I wanna woman who cooks like Lacey, who makes beef stroganoff and steamed asparagus with butter. Jackie didn’t make stuff like that. No really Lacey makes good old fashion, dinners and they’re exactly like what I wanted. Beef, stroganoff, meatloaf, steak potatoes, mashed potatoes, scallop potatoes, peas, beans chicken cordon, bleu, lasagna yeah a lot of the stuff that people eat back then she makes that food and it is so so good. Roasted roasted chicken pork chops know her food is oh it’s sad it’s wonderful cause I get to have it now, but not in the same way that I was supposed to have had it.
And that was that was sexual to me so at times I would sit there, eating Jackie’s you know, leg of mutton, with roasted parsnips, and a little sprig of mint on the side with a refreshing white wine chilled. And I was thinking no I could do this and I did and so sometimes I would make my own dinners and sometimes I cooks like a man but I was alone, hotdogs and and beans you know stuff like that. I ate out a lot. But I would sit there drinking Jackie’s chilled Chardonnay and I was think you know I am gay, so I like this because I was a gay man and I had some sense of that because that was sort of culturally a thing back, then, amongst Dave And, and no believe it or not I really didn’t understand that I was arousing to Jack, but I did understand the gay men were supposed to be artistic.
So no I I didn’t understand him that it was really arousing to him and that if I did, I would’ve just been confused because I was strays I would’ve just been confused and thought that somehow I wanted it when I didn’t or something like that and there are other possibilities to, but that is definitely one of them, but that’s not. What happened H I legitimately did not understand what was, and was not arousing to men who are attracted to men. But I sat there at dinner and I thought to myself this is it is this is this is good thing Jackie did very well. Jackie did very well. I love her Brussel sprouts and her corn chowder and her homage to the south with her green beans and okra, but there’s a difference between being a cook and being a really good cook. Lacey is a really good cook. I’m sorry, but she is.
And men in my generation, the saw that as equivalent of how boomer women see shoe size in men. So if you could cook, and you were shaped a certain way that was very sexual. But men didn’t talk about that, but that was sort of a thing. And Lacey is one of those chicks. And that’s my type. So I wanted a woman who was sensitive and went to the opera with me and found my glasses appealing for some reason, but I also put a woman that looks good naked and made pork chops. Pork chops and you know meatloaf with the catchup on it and scallop potatoes that were baked just right real cheesy and I wanted to drink tomato juice and sit on the porch and have a cigar and then you know of course what I would’ve done later that night in bed alone with her.
But I didn’t get to do that.
No, I did not get to do that. I had to eat Jackie’s roasted lamb chops with rosemary sauce. Let me tell you Lacey could make the same thing and she does she’s very sophisticated but but she’s a different sort of woman. And so no roasted lamb chops with rosemary sauce would be very good, but it would taste a little more hearty and savory, and frankly umami. So it’s kind of like satisfying in a different way. Jackie and Jack were kind of the California aesthetic with their new frontier before that was really even a thing completely. so salads you know being skinny chilled Chardonnay and then your husband is serviced by a man and you look the other way because you’re Jackie and your lady and that’s just what you do. Lacey would’ve never looked the other way, but if I would’ve met her, I would’ve stolen her from Jack.
He just he never brought home women like that he really didn’t. He brought home some women with that were attractive, but they weren’t like lazy, and when they were well what happened to them Marilyn was a little bit like that and she died.
So I never had the opportunity and I thought I was gay.
No, I was not desperate enough to go fuck somebody like her because I was a good person and I really thought that was wrong.
Did I lose my mind slightly? I don’t know I think slightly.
I know Lacey is very sophisticated, but she is a different sort of cook.
Oh, and I’m sorry if that’s insulting but it is what it is.
And so I was never gonna come onto Jackie her tits for too small to be but her tits were too small. They were too flat. Her ass was too flat. She didn’t have hips and her face didn’t look like Lacey‘s either. Should I keep going!??
I didn’t find her arousing because she looks like a man and I was straight!
So I’m sorry, but that’s just the truth.
People are still offended!
So basically what happened is that I was very pissed off very sexually frustrated but however is what I’m trying to say hi I thought I was gay OK? And I was very stubborn.
So I thought no, I sure as shit I’m not going to go be with a woman, and I am going to enjoy myself. I could’ve realized that I was not satisfied I could have, but I was just too stubborn I was just too damn stubborn. Jack was psychotically stubborn I was too damn stubborn and I just couldn’t hide. I just couldn’t. I just psychologically couldn’t do it I thought hell no I’m gay and I’m gonna stick to it. I mean I could have a wife who made good food-
But then that’s about as far as I could go, because if I thought about it too much more, I would’ve broken down in tears and wanted to kill myself. No I really would’ve so I psychologically couldn’t go there because it was I was too stubborn and I also just I couldn’t let myself think about it so I thought no no I’d like to have better food but but I’m not I’m not comfortable with that because I’m gay. How dare you! Which is psychotic but it’s like no I am, and maybe that’s not quite what it was but it was like no no no no no Jackie’s food is fine and everything is fine I I just think that you know my life’s a little shitty and I’m mad about it. And then I would giggle and make jokes and smoke a cigarette and laugh at myself, and get drunk.
I’m actually a very fascinating character I really was straight. But I am extremely complicated and I don’t think most people can quite get what’s going on that I’m straight but I think I’m gay
So basically I I end up or just fucking myself over and I actually did have a problem with making myself dinner that I never completed and then drunk and frustrated. I would throw them in my sink and get maggots. I don’t know if the Kennedys know that about me or not.
No, I’m not Satan in personating lamb. I’m actually a lot and actually Satan had to help me yesterday because he went so far helping evil.
Am I I really was straight and I was like Skippy Handelman and I just was stubborn and I thought no no it’s fine I’m gay it’s fine and I’m not gonna think about it. I’m just gonna go get drunk and smoke and distract myself because if I think about this life that I am not having, I’m gonna end up crying myself to death or something.
Oh, but no, that was part of what I enjoyed about Jack’s letters. Did I play along and pretend to be gay to get him to keep talking about women that’s an interesting question there’s possibly a psychologist reading this he’s wondering that him yes, I might have done that.
That would’ve been very repressed in my mind, and I would not have consciously realized that I was playing along to get access through him in a sense I did not live vicariously through him. It was not that was not like me, but I may have accidentally done something like that. I may have accidentally done something like that possibly where I wasn’t living vicariously through him, but I was enjoying the thought of what he was doing.
I know by the 1970s I was ready to just die because I was so sick of pretending to be gay but I didn’t know that that’s what I was doing. I was not depressed over Jack in a romantic or sexual way. I I felt like I had nothing left, but it wasn’t because I was in love with him it was because I had chosen to be as husband and then I had nothing left when he died. And I was a straight husband, but I guess he didn’t care and I guess he enjoyed it. People think that I was the one who had a crush on a straight man no it’s the other way around but I don’t know what that’s like OK because I didn’t experience it.
I am sleeping with her. I really am. I’m not gay. And I wasn’t gay.
And I I just sacrifice myself I sublimated myself repressed all of my heterosexuality to some extent and yet not completely but the same extent I did so that it wouldn’t upset him because when I acted straight at times, it really did upset him. It wasn’t to please him because I was bisexual or gay. It was because or pansexual it was because I was trying to not upset him. And that that made me think he was in love with me, but then that didn’t make me in love with him. It just sort of made me wonder if maybe he was in love with me because it’s like why is this man so worried at times that I am straight. And I would think well maybe he would be hurt by that the side of me being with someone else. And he was when I tried dating other men and him I thought well that’s OK. I’ll just try to keep that in mind and be kind. And and so I was, I try not to be hurtful, and at times I was more relaxed and straight around him, but I was never entirely myself, because it was very upsetting.
So there were times when I wanted to do things like row or go jogging, or watch baseball and he didn’t want to because he was the one that was homosexual not me. I was better at golf than him. I was not as artistic as him and he. He lied about that because he was so ashamed of himself.
But no, I mean I was stubborn I was stupid and so I was still posing for stupid pictures in the 80s well 70s that were childish and idiomatic that obviously gave Lacey the impression that I was too cool for her and you know that actually brings me to what I want to talk about because yeah, I did make the mistake of them supplementing myself to a psychotic degree although I wasn’t psychotic, but it was ridiculous what I did And people think I was gay when really he was and Innoway, they understand our story, but they have it backwards. And it was far more tragic than they realize. They’re part of the tragedy, regardless of whether or not, it’s allowed in heaven, then believing that I was gay them, propagating that mythology, which is impossible, one way or another anyway is tragic.
I may have seemed like I cared about him in a way that I did not, and I did get confused in that way. I thought we could be in love I wanted a relationship with him and it didn’t go that far but there was a part of me that was actually hurt because I thought that I wanted to be with him. I thought that I wanted him. And I never really expressed actual love and concern that was real. It was imaginary, and I didn’t know that necessarily at all, but I took myself very seriously and I imagined that I felt things for him that I did not feel emotionally. It it didn’t go as far as some people think that it did and my words have either been misunderstood or intentionally miss read, because people wanna think something happened that didn’t happen for me. But I have times may have said things that sounded romantic because I thought I was in love and I wasn’t but I may have said something that sounded like that you know like when are you going to come see me I miss you. And because I might’ve thought oh I love this man and I miss him, but I didn’t. That toilet paper was not real emotion or real desire. It was just a bunch of nonsense, and that honestly was part of the reason he got so ticked off by it. He knew that I was full of shit somehow, but he couldn’t figure out how, and that was part of the reason why he threw it away if he did, if it even existed at all, it might’ve just been a letter that he threw away, but he he hated the situation for what it was, and so the fact that I seemed fake and confused, was not entirely lost on him, and that pissed him off, and he was in the hospital, possibly Although maybe not but maybe and he was devastated because here he is in the hospital and then this man that he has a crush on, but he doesn’t wanna be honest about him send him this garbage love letter that is entirely ridiculous but the man is too confused, even realize that and so That’s devastating because then why do you have your parents don’t care and this guy who you have a crush on and you think maybe there’s something happening with doesn’t really even actually want you he’s just confused
I don’t think that he is a good hearted person, but I think it did hurt him, and I think that was part of why he gave me such a visceral reaction and then changed his mind. Part of that was to be manipulative too but part of that was definitely potentially hurt.
But know that emotional confusion never entered our private time, so I speak. I really never got that confused in that way I separated those two things which is part of why I made the jokes that I did. I knew they weren’t separate. I knew that, but I had this idea in my head that you know somehow they were kind of separate, even though they aren’t.
I really can’t explain everything absolutely everything and I’m sorry, but I was actually straight. Abd what what gives so what gives with Lacey why are men today so mean to her you know, I pretended to be a heartless little jerk who router flirt with her, but just to make fun of her. I pretended to be a real you know real bisexual or gay jerk. It would have to be bisexual, though because part of the jokes that I did were actually somewhat bisexual. And that was part of the reason she thought I was bisexual because she picked up on that part of my humor part of what I did was bisexual. But that was by accident I wasn’t actually bisexual I was straight, but my actual sexuality would creep out sometimes and That was actually entirely by accident. I didn’t realize that I was advertising that I was interested in women. Lacey picks up on it though, but not everyone is aware of stuff like that or would be tolerant of actual bisexual. And so I was not bisexual. I was straight, but I but I was I was not necessarily going to ever reject her. I would’ve never rejected her . I would’ve never rejected her because I didn’t him. I didn’t want that. I did not want to reject her. Jack might’ve wanted me to seem like I would and I probably do seem like that but that’s not real. He hid me that way from women. I looked…iffy. And I’ve only realized that possibly in the last week. He was not a nice person to women, and by being associated with him I came across as his supposed best friend like I would probably agree with him in someway and then what does that mean? that I’m probably a total jerk.
Can you took those photos in the snow to make me seem like I would reject women and always choose him. Those were psyops. But I was not aware of it at all.
And that’s the reason Lacey slept with other people was because he did that to me. And I was too stubborn to realize that I was unhappy, we’ll say. No showing my ass that way is offensive to women and that was the idea to be gross and offensive because he wanted me to seem gross and offensive. If I seem sensitive and horny women would’ve been interested in me even being bisexual, but seeming gross and offensive like that, I seem like a little boy, who never grown up, never grew up, and was just determined to be a child who would pull your hair. And then he sexualized it and made it about him. He posed those, and that actually has some proof that he did. Because why the hell would I want to to tell other women that I couldn’t stand them and I wanted them to just go to hell and rot for eternity in misery I wouldn’t do that why the fuck would I do that? That’s what he would do because he was a jealous, conniving, possessive obsessed bisexual. I wasn’t really in love with him and he knew that he knew I was so much straight. I actually am straight and was straight but he knew that I was at least so much straight and it freaked him out and he was just a total fucking bitch. Of course he called me a bitch. Of course he did because he was one. A possessive, shallow, narcissistic, abusive bitch. Absolutely obsessive. Because no, I was not the obsessed one I was not gay at all, and I did not pose myself for those photos.
 I did not hate women, and you can tell by how I interact with them that I didn’t hate them. I would’ve had to have really hated them almost to the degree of being a serial killer to have posed myself in those photos. Because they’re so subtly antagonistic towards women. 
there is a lot of animosity amongst gay men for women P. Diddy hello ? There is evidence to suggest that I was not that hateful. I did not pose myself. He posed me and he was a jealous disgusting person.
I mean, showing my ass, laughing the way that we were in gay sex poses being in the snow riding on his shoulders. All of that is antagonistic towards women. it’s supposed to say I’m strong you’re weak. He doesn’t want you. He wants my cock. He wants to ride on my shoulders because I’m a man and I can support him and look he’ll just show you his ass while I’m smiling over it because he would be gross to you heat smear poop in your face, but he loves me and look at how handsome he is with his glasses off look at how handsome he is but when he oh fuck but when he wears his glasses is when he’s servicing me because he’s smart and he knows how to have sex, but he doesn’t know how to have sex with you because he was just me or poop in your face. he loves me, not you. Jack was saying that to every woman alive. I had no reason to say that to anyone. I didn’t wish anyone that much harm. He literally posed me and tricked me into making psychotically antagonistic statements towards women.
No. He really was.
The thing I can’t fathom…is why…men today…advertise the same thing…and then don’t want sex. WHY!? …She’s not unattractive.
I mean…you shouldn’t want to just have sex. …Yet…I don’t understand why…you don’t…want that!? WHY!? …She’d be SO much less confused by ME…if one of you had tried to fuck her. And no…not at a bar. Ahh…but that was helpful. And she didn’t do it. …But…why haven’t you tried? She’s SO confused.
…Because you’re so LOUD about your sexual desires today. Or you were. Still mostly are. So…WHY!? …Why are you so…repulsed by her? …Is she just not cool enough? What is it?” says Lem.
“I hit on her! And I’m selective!” says Dr. Moritz.
“Her husband…was too.” says a reader.
“But it’s not…like that.” says Lem.
“Lem…what do you mean?” asks Jonah.
“I’m…sexual. …Okay? At 16…I was sweet…but I wanted a girlfriend. And I handled it very badly. …And…in a sort of freak accident I ruined my whole life. …But I was a normal, heterosexual young man. …I’m tall. I’m…somewhat athletic. …I had asthma. And glasses. But I wasn’t any less masculine than Harold Loeb. …Or Louis. …They just never met Jack…and were never molested by a man. …I could fit in with Millennials. …You’d KNOW I was straight though. You’d see through my confusion. Because I wasn’t a…fatherless guy who got molested from a bad neighborhood. I was a nurtured guy who…went from seeming straight one day to suddenly thinking he was gay. You’d have noticed. And Millennials would have found it WEIRD. And you’d have noticed Jack was the one who actually was obsessed. Millennials are saavy in that way at times.
I’m…a dude. And we settle down and get married. …And are happy. And maybe that’s sadly more like my generation than yours. …But…why…didn’t men…try?” says Lem. “It’s just confusing. And I have theories. …But Lacey doesn’t have any. She’s baffled. …And I can’t easily talk to her about it because it’s loving. And…we’re under severe attack.
…I just want to know. …WHY?”
“No it’s weird.” says a Black woman in the Illuminati.
Lem nods.
“You’re not all gay!!” says Lem.
“I mean…we obviously find her attractive.” says Priscilla Zuckerberg.
“YEAH. …But…you don’t have to be as smart as your husband to approach her. …It’s just ODD.” says Lem.
“Are they scared?” says the Black woman.
Mark Zuckerberg laughs.
“How would they know that?!?” says Lacey.
“Okay! But let’s say there is reincarnation.” says Priscilla.
“Yeah. …I still can’t quite believe they’d know.” says Lacey.
“Know what!??” says God. “Let’s clarify.”
“About Satan. Me. Putin. And…probably mostly me.” says Lem.
“I mean. A lot of very important men.” says Mark.
“Is it me!?” says Marc Price.
“Do men care that much!?” says Mark.
He exhales sharply. Thinks.
“They just…don’t make any sense!” says Lem.
“What do we do!?” says a gay man.
“They…flaunt their sexual desires. You know that? Right?” says Lem.
“Yes.” he says.
“Yeah okay. …So…is that fake?” says Lem. “Are they all posers?”
“No. …No!!” he says.
“So…where’s the action? …What’s wrong with her?” says Lem.
“Yeah. I’ve never understood that either.” says Louis.
“Lem what are you expecting?” he says.
“What are WE expecting?” says Louis.
“Flirting!” says Lem. “Laughing. Lurid comments. …Men in my generation did it!” *Lem laughs* “But I can’t believe our tastes are that different.”
“What if they are!??” he says.
Silence.
“Okay!! So what is it!?” says Lem.
“Are they just mean?” asks Lacey. “And insecure?”
“And then what!?” says Ken Burns.
“You’re all just catty little ninnies.” says Lacey.
“So you’re claiming men didn’t exist past the late 1980’s?” says Tucker Carlson.
“I wonder.” says Lacey.
“So do lots of people.” says a reader.
Later.
“So what gives?” says Lem.
“So we say we’re like SO HORNY!?” says a Millennial guy.
“Yup.” says Lem.
“And then we do what?” he says.
“You just laugh at me.” says Lacey.
They think.
“They LAUGH at you?” says a man.
“YES. You just beat me up.” says Lacey.
“Are we not straight?” says Chris to them.
“Yeah. Exactly.” says Lacey.
“What are we laughing at?” says a man.
“Me.” says Lacey. “My entire everything.”
“Umm…how attractive does AI rate her?” says a psychic.
“9.7.” says AI.
“By today’s standards?” says Bobby.
“YES!!” says God.
“Why are you laughing?” says Lacey. “I’m not…that ugly?”
“No. She’s a solid 9.” says Lem. “Or higher.”
“Is it an insult to my generation?” says Lem.
“That’s what I was just wondering. Do you look at her and instead of seeing her see us and feel narcissistically offended?” says Elliott.
“What’s the insult?” says Dr. Moritz.
“What are you even laughing at? I mean…it’s me. But what is it?” says Lacey.
“So we genuinely seem like we’re laughing at you!?” says a man.
“Yes!” says Lacey.
“Something just came to you that happened to you in the fourth grade what was it?” he says.
“My mother decided to put ribbons in my hair and I didn’t usually wear things that were that girly because I was afraid of being made fun of but that day I felt really happy and I wanted to have fun so I had my hair up and I put two pretty little ribbons in my hair. And one of the male bullies came up to me out of the blue and said something like, ‘You would put ribbons in your hair…and I just want you to know that looks really stupid!’ or something something like that.” says Lacey.
“Did it look really pretty?” says Cyrus.
“It did. I looked really good that day.” says Lacey.
They cry slightly.
“To be honest, I worry that they knew you were different. No really I worry that they knew you were different not Jack reincarnated not bisexual not a lesbian, not nine by Ineri, but a straight woman who was weirdly old fashion looking.” says Cyrus. “ and I think if you did look really pretty, but it was at all to old fashion, looking that it obviously has something to do with your orientation and yet not because you’re straight and it’s not really even part of our community it’s not something people even really talk about but I just feel like there’s something to this just on a scientific level and that’s just me not. Everyone would agree with me. But I would entertain the idea that that’s what it is. You were just being bullied for being different but not bisexual not gay not non-binary like me but different and they just knew you were different and that’s what I would start talking a lot of your pulling up to you to be honest I would start thinking oh that’s it. No she’s just like an old woman and that’s not weird that’s not weird she’s a woman she’s sis she’s straight but she’s an old old woman And it’s not really weird at all but I see that’s the problem not everyone thinks like I asked Lacey so I don’t think it’s weird either but I guess they might have and that’s what I would say is that they just thought it was weird they just thought it was weird. They could tell from a young age that you were an old woman and if Tom is your dad, that’s what I would say is that you were just old and those ribbons were really pretty, but they were too old-fashioned and some thing about that was just not OK.”
“That’s interesting.” says God.
Cyrus smiles.
“ do you know if it is that that is interesting I just wouldn’t expect something like that to be so obvious to people.” says Lacey.
“ well let’s just say that it was less to say that because it was ribbons and that would’ve been a pretty girl thing to do in like 1950 something or possibly even in the 30s or 20s. Let’s just say that you looked really pretty but like the way that a girl would’ve looked pretty along time ago why would that be scary to people?” says Cyrus.
“ it isn’t scary to me.” says Goldie Hawn.
“ yeah and I would I wouldn’t quite I don’t get it.” says Lacey.
“ because it’s just ribbons says the problem Cyrus you’re gonna have to tell us because Lacey doesn’t know and neither do I.” says Goldie.
“ because it’s ribbons.” says Cyrus.
“ but they’re pretty!” says Lacey.
“ yes they are but they’re ribbons.” says Cyrus.
“ what was I supposed to be wearing?” says Lacey.
“ oh well, yeah I know because I have a similar aesthetic to you slightly. Probably a perm!” he says.
“ so there was no way to style straight hair?” says Lacey.
“ and you know I’m not like that not not really that I can think of I mean I feel like girls wore like little like clipping things to their hair and headbands but I don’t think that they did ribbons as much.” says Cyrus.
“ that’s interesting!” says Lacey.
“ so I think you scared people because it’s like you’re supposed to be doing a perm why are you doing ribbons that’s and maybe I’m wrong but that’s what I would wonder because that’s what I have experienced and so it just comes to me and it’s like what if this is the same thing but it’s just a little different but there’s something similar about it.” says Cyrus.
“ I know I mean that’s fascinating!” says Lacey.
Cyrus sighs.
“ does anyone else have any other ideas?” says Lacey.
“ what are we laughing at to you?” says a man.
“ Lacey aside from scaring people because I know you don’t like to scare people or hurt people. Would you care?” says Cyrus.
“ I would want to do the right thing I wouldn’t want to be evil aside from try not to be evil no, not really not at all.” says Lacey,
“ so if you knew that the non-burn by Ineri was allowed in heaven, would you just be like so confused?” says Cyrus.
“ if it if it actually is yes because I think logically speaking, it actually does make some sense and I don’t decide unfortunately, from some sort of religious argument or moral argument of some sort I don’t really understand why everyone gets so freaked out by it.” says Lacey.
“ well, then obviously Lem’s is the same way, which is why he was just like I’m gay, except he wasn’t but not everyone’s like that.” says Cyrus.
“ and you know it to be honest I really don’t understand people in that way. I understand people better than most people possibly in some ways but I don’t understand that part of people for some reason I just haven’t quite figured it out if fascinates me but I can’t quite figure it out.” says Lacey.
“ so I’m what are we laughing at Lacey?” says a man.
“ probably just me it’s kind of like you just think I’m like disgusting poopy.” says Lacey. “ And if I somehow seemed too mature to you, maybe my maturity freaked you out and still sometimes does and that’s nothing I can do anything about. I am just kind of like a ghost of a person from the past and that’s all I’m just sort of like a ghost because I know what it goes to have the same experience if it if it’s what Cyrus says what a ghost had the same experience if they were alive so it’s like if I was actually dead and you saw me would you think I was icky poopy or would you just think oh that’s an attractive woman but she’s dead so I don’t have to obviously worry about it so to speak, but she’s a dead woman who is attractive, and still is Objectively but she’s dead. She’s a ghost, but I wonder if being alive if you see me and then you think oh my gosh. I have to do you know consider this person and it’s a little offensive to you because you don’t wanna do that because it’s just kind of strange. You know and you don’t actually need to worry about that because if God is allowed it then I’m just with a ghost and there’s not really a problem I mean it’s sad and depressing in a way, but I mean what am I supposed to do about it,? 
Pedophilia is wrong and it’s not something that people should ever do. This is completely depressing and it’s a really awful life there’s not a lot of hope. There really isn’t. It’s a pretty tragic thing to have to do to be but you know it doesn’t happen very often and I am 41 and I’m able to talk to ghosts so it’s there’s good news there I guess if that’s what’s bothering people but then that’s where it’s irritating because if I do seem like an old woman to you, I’m not ugly I’m not bisexual I’m not stupid I am sis gendered am I’m not no by Ineri I’m not Jack and I’m sorry that I offend you with my waist to hip circumference or ratio rather I’m sorry that I bother you with the fact that I wanted to be a housewife. I’m sorry that was so fucking offensive to you. I can’t do anything about that. And it’s probably very weird that you’re seeing like an attractive version of your grandmother who is not really her grandmother who is alive, but then that’s what it would be. I’m just a very good looking woman, your grandmother, a great grandmother‘s age who’s alive. And it’s a pretty awful life but I mean it it is what it is if that’s what it is. So no I’m sorry I’m not Jack and just think of me as like a ghost OK because someday when you’re dead, you’re going to see a lot of adults who are very good looking who are very old-fashioned like me who won’t look like there you know, a mop with their short little curls they’re going to look like me they’re going to look pretty and young, and that you won’t have to worry about them They’ll be in another room or they’ll be somewhere else and you don’t need to worry about those people OK but grow up because not everyone looks like what you want them to OK?” says Lacey.
“ I know I mean she’s absolutely right if that’s what it is!” says Cyrus.
“ what do you want from us?” says one of them.
Cyrus rolls their eyes.
“ what would your grandmother have wanted from you if she didn’t know that she was your grandmother, so to speak?” says Lacey.
“ or great grandmother.” says one of them.
“ yes or great grandmother, right.” says Lacey.
“ OK so if that’s what it is then why don’t you just dress that way!?” says one of them.
“ oh, I thought about it. What would you do if I did?” says Lacey.
“ i’m trying to imagine you looking like that with like the hair and high heels and obviously that’s what you would look like in person and it would look authentic because if that’s what’s going on you really are is that you’re not like someone who’s into retro dressing you’re the actual thing itself um that’s an interesting thing to ask me.” he says.
“ no because you’re imagining that it would be really sexy you know it is it is very sexy I look extremely sexy but I want to when I wear those clothes when I wear clothes that are available today I look sexy but not like I do when I wear clothes from the past and high heels and red lipstick and that makeup in general in my hair that way no really I look really good. I know the more conservative Republican look look look looks pretty good on me too. I can look really good I can but I don’t look as good like that I don’t think as a as I do in the older styles, yeah no those clothes were made for women who are smaller and I actually am smaller. When was very big but people in general were smaller. So what would I? Yeah, I mean I would look good.” says Lacey.
“ what are you doing here?” he says.
“ you know that’s not really an appropriate thing to ask me.” says Lacey.
“ oh, why is that?” says Woody Allen.
“ because there’s nobody here to defend me you just had to pop out of nowhere but without somebody around who is a little older or something that’s a very abrasive thing to ask me.” says Lacey.
“ well, I mean you’re up you’re very pretty obviously-“ he says.
Woody Allen nods.
Lacey waits.
“ I said you were very pretty!” he says.
“ yes you did!” says Lacey.
“ you know this is an interesting conversation, but if Cyrus is right, she’s not gonna know what to say to you right now at least if you’re a lot more clear.” says a Mad Men fan.
“ well, and I am capable of being with someone younger, but it’s not. You know easy to find people who are apparently genetically capable of connecting with me and that’s fine. Except it’s not fine. It’s a miserable life but you know it is what it is.” says Lacey.
“ do you not have any empathy for her at all?” says a lesbian.
“ well, no I mean she’s really pretty!” he says.
“ yeah OK you’re not making sense what why are you saying that like what’s the point?” explains Cyrus.
“ I mean it’s it’s just that you’re pretty!” he says.
“ OK I’m trying to follow what you’re saying and I’m not quite getting it but OK.” says Lacey.
“ OK so we find you attractive you’re so not from our generation, we find you attractive we do we really do-“ he says.
“ OK.” says Lacey.
“ but we don’t know him we don’t know what to do with that.” he says.
“ like what do you mean?” says Lacey.
“ OK so like what do you want us to do?” he says.
Lacey looks confused. “ what are you what what the hell are you talking about?”
“ why don’t you figure that out for yourself” says Lem.
“ right and see this is where I worry that that’s not quite what’s going on why are you laughing at me? This is an interesting hypothesis but I don’t quite like it and I’m not unattractive. There’s really not a reason to laugh at me to the degree that men do, I know men find me attractive I’ve seen it, but they’re very weird towards me at the same time, so what’s so funny what is it? What is it?” says Lacey.
“ well it’s like him. What do you want from us?” he says.
“ why do I have to ask you that?” says Lacey.
“ no I’m asking you that!” he says.
“ why are you asking me that?” says Lacey.
“ would you like to go on a date with her?” says Dr. Lauermann.
“ I don’t know do you think I should?” he says.
“ why can’t you figure that out for yourself?” says Lacey.
“ Lacey, I kind of think lame was straight. Are you being sincere right now?” says Cyrus. “ because I am mean to you sometimes and then sometimes I’m nice and I’m realizing right now that I’m not being nice enough to you if you’re being sincere.”
“ yes, I’m being sincere!” says Lacey.
“ I just we don’t feel comfortable making that decision.” says Bill Gates.
“ you know what I would like to do is talk to Lem’s but I’m not sure if he’s interested about what’s going on with the tariff situation because it would be nice to know what that generation thinks, but that’s my response. A lot of people have gotten angry at me for changing my opinion about things over the years, but I’m a very pragmatic person not everyone who is pragmatic as JFK I am pragmatic too.” says Donald Trump.
“ no and that could be fun. I would have fun being his secretary.” says Lacey.
“ yes I’m sure that is fine for Lacey. These young men switch cars have no idea how to-“ says a man in the Senate.
“ you know, I actually could just slip in to being an old woman. The problem is the functional nature of everything it’s the fallen world there’s there’s not a good way to fix it and I don’t know what to do.” says Lacey.
“ what is seems like God’s trying to help as much as he can allowing you to talk to ghosts and that’s why we need to back off because Lem’s was straight, but there are other men too, and I don’t quite understand why some people are so antagonistic towards you, but that’s just my perspective.” says a US Senator.
“ oh, well, no we could go on a date!” says a man.
“ you know this isn’t a joke!” says Tom Ford. “ lame if you were straight I am sorry it’s just everything seem to point to you being gay and a lot of people thought that you were in love with Jack as you seem to know, and if that was an accident, I understand people can make mistakes.
If that’s what’s happening, I think it’s actually really romantic to think that the two of you are together and that death doesn’t even separate you. but what bothers me is that we do have to deal with the here and now your wife is right and I don’t quite know what exactly were supposed to do because for some people watching her life is just incredibly depressing.”
Silence.
“ do you know if there’s reincarnation her husband really was a provision for me because they’re very good friends as much as they can be.” says God. “ and if there’s not reincarnation, she’s better off with him at this point than being alone.”
“ why did you allow her to even be born?” asks Tom Ford.
“ that’s an extremely complicated question to answer and if this is a real conversation, I will answer it for you, but I can’t easily answer through her at this time.” says God.
“ how complicated is it?” says Tom Ford.
“ Extremely complicated!” says God.
“ so what I am thinking is that this is possibly explanation but that we’re not sold on it is there any other explanation that you guys could give as to why you’re so weirded out by her?” says a psychic.
“ oh, well, I mean why doesn’t she just get a boyfriend?” says one of them.
“ because you don’t wanna have sex with me.” says Lacey.
“ But we do!” they say.
“ I don’t know that you do.” says Lacey.
“ have you felt that way with older men to Lacey?” says Woody Allen.
“ no no I have not felt that way with older men older men seem to want to have sex with me and it times Royce shocks me because that’s not what I’ve experienced with men my own age but no I hate it seems like you want to in a way but in a way you really don’t??” says Lacey.
“ what are they seem like they want?” says Woody Allen.
“ I know what they want!” says Barney Frank.
“ what is that?” says Lacey.
“ they wanna look at pictures of you and masturbate or something kind of like that.” says Barney Frank.
“ you know yeah or they want me to be around them like in the same room maybe and just be near them but they don’t really want to touch me and they don’t really want to actually interact with me. They wanna just kind of be in my presence and maybe look at me and maybe not.” says Lacey.
He nods.
“ what makes you think that?” they say.
“ and because you seem aroused by me, you act very attracted to me and flustered by me at times you have my whole life so I’ll get in an elevator and you’ll be breathing really quickly and you’ll be very sort of hot under the collar possibly literally but you don’t wanna make iContact you don’t wanna talk to me you don’t even want me to know that it’s me but it’s obvious that it is so it’s like I walk in and I’m looking really good that day and I know you’re looking at me and then I look at you and your looking the other way and you’re breathing quickly and acting like you’re totally overwhelmed but then you also have this very cold sort of disinterested look on your face like you’re telling me to just go to hell so no, it seems like you don’t really want to interact with me, but that the same time you’re definitely aroused but you’re just not really interested in actually interacting.” says Lacey.
“ what’s that like?” he says.
“ it’s very alienating. It’s an incredibly cold life. because it’s like people want you then they really really really really truly don’t.
So you can’t even really get angry at them because if you were to say you don’t want me you don’t find me attractive they’d say no we do of course we do because they do but then the truth is they don’t really want you and so there’s nothing you can do you can’t be loved you can’t have a life but you constantly get notice so there’s not a lot of privacy. There’s tons of jealousy. Tons of animosity tons of hatred but no love is just complete shit.” says Lacey.
“ so if there’s reincarnation, this was funny to the Kennedys to do this to her because one was straight!?” says Alanis.
“ yes!” says God.
“ well, that’s depressing!” says Cyrus.
Lacey laughs.
Cyrus laughs.
“ I’m on I don’t know if that’s what’s happening or not and neither does Lacey but we’re trying to be open minded because we’re genuine intellectuals I know it’s desperate but can you help?” says President Trump to Lem.
“ yes I can give my two cents. I gave it to you before though.” says Lem.
“ I am just curious I hear a lot of stuff. How nice is the afterlife? Do you have to worry about ceasing to exist? I mean are you kind of just like a nebulous state or is there more certainty to it physically speaking?” says Elon.
“ you’re suicidal and so I am worried about telling you that I am and I don’t want you to get too excited about that?” says Lem. “ it’s really vastly superior to being alive.
The thing that a lot of theologians don’t understand is that Christ conquered death. So the afterlife is really wonderful. It’s not the resurrection, but it’s not death anymore either.
The resurrection is very important, but death is really not death because Christ conquered it.
so you go from being alive to being really alive and away that’s astounding but it’s forever whether there’s reincarnation or not you can’t go back not as yourself even if there’s red carnation your dad so there’s no going back and it’s very serious and it’s real but it’s conquered. And yes, there’s a lot of peace and understanding that and having faith to believe that it’s true, I rather, but you know you have a lot to live for. Sometimes I worry for my family, but you’re your Elon Musk so enjoy living your life.
But thank you for asking that question.” says Lem.
“ I think I just want to do some thing obviously to spruce the place up while I’m still here.” says Elon Musk.
“ yeah and boy, you sure have.” says Lem.
“ what do we?” says Trump.
“ well, you need to think about a few different things.
Lacey just saw an image of herself in about 20 years in the mirror almost and she looks like Tom bakes not her father and I don’t know what more proof she needs. I just have to say that.
You aren’t really capable of sustaining the current tariff situation that you have created for more than five years, unless if you make drastic changes to the entire US economy. And Lacey has no idea what I’m talking about. This is really just me.
That would do stabilize a lot of the trade industries in the US and you would have a lot of people who would be scrambling to adjust. A lot of trade schools would have to start trading workers that they hadn’t ever had to consider before. And that could be a really good thing, but it could also totally disrupt the cultural center of the country because most people are under the impression that you go to college you get a four-year degree and then that’s it you’re done. But if you’re serious about these tariffs, if you’re serious about trying to really kick peoples ass so to speak and realize the world system in favor of Christ and the church and religious liberty and morality, then you’re going to have to start with really re-shaping vast portions of the US culturally environmentally I am almost linguistly. Because you think English should be the official language I understand why you think that, but that’s not really American.
There are so many Hispanics in the US legally and other cultures to who would flock to those industries, and if you demoralized them too much, it isn’t going to work. So that’s why I say linguistically.
I don’t understand how you’re going to pull that off this dramatic upheaval of the entire country top to bottom because if you’re serious about these tariffs, that’s what you have to do. I know this is me not Lacey I really am dead and a ghost. Do you know?
So if you’re serious about these tariffs the way that you’re implementing them you’re going to have to restructure the entire US economy and you you could do that at the end. If you did that for me within about 20 to 30 years the US would be in very good shape. But you’ll be dead Elon Musk will be an old man Bobby will be dead. Lacey will be close to Dad if she’s not dead and a lot of the people who you’re trying to help now will be old or dead. I don’t think that’s stupid that you’re concerned about the long-term strategy for the country. I think that’s wise and good and brilliant, but I feel as though the way you’ve implemented these tariffs in the way that you’re managing the whole gamut so to speak is far too focused on a long-term strategy if there’s if there’s strategy in your head at all, sir, I would say you’re too focused on the future at the expense of the present, and I understand why because people have been horribly neglectful of the future for almost 100 years and this country. But you can’t you can’t overestimate the importance of the present in a sense you can, but there’s a reason people got so distracted by it. So yes, obviously obviously think long-term but you’re just stabilizing an incredible amount of different institutions and that’s not stupid but think about what you’re doing in the present too obviously because that’s not some thing to totally disregard as you know because there’s there is the present.” says Lem.
“ was any of that Lacey it was at all just her channeling him?” says Patti.
“ that was entirely him. She was just relaxing and letting him use her mouth.” says God.
“ well I understand what you’re saying I do what do you think about the formula that I’ve used?” says Trump.
“ let’s get more specific and see if it works to channel us the same way it might not. It might actually be something that we can’t do.” says the CIA.
“ What do you think about the economy right now?” says Trump.
“ you could talk through her far more clearly if you wanted to, but you’d have to prep her brain. What do I think about what’s really bothering you? I think that you need to focus on leveraging the arm of the Fed in a way that stabilizes the debt. in the perception of investors. I think you need to focus on stabilizing peoples perception because their perception has been based on a trajectory that was really optimistic. That’s not there anymore and in order to alleviate some of the pain that you’ve caused, you need to find a way to stabilize peoples perception if you know what I mean, you need to stabilize Their mood as investors so you need to work on getting them to a place in their perception where they feel safe investing. Hi Persily would focus on the Fed as a way to do that.” says Lem.
“ How?” says Trump.
“ well, this is where I have to prop her brain to be honest because she doesn’t know the right words to use even if I start trying to to talk to use her mouth so I’m gonna try to speak very slowly through her the banks in the US need to have a a guarantee. You need to guarantee that the US banking system is secure. People are worried about investing because they’re worried about the decline of the dollar. They’re worried about the decline of the market rate of goods and services and they don’t feel as though there’s any solidity at the current time. You need to find a way to bolster the salinity of the US dollar the validity of the US dollar you need to find a way to bolster that in peoples perception. I have suspected that that’s your interest in Greenland. And I think that’s actually quite smart, but then you also have outdid yourself into Waze first as someone who has that in mind, which is a good thing, because that actually gives people some confidence that you have some sense of what’s going on. But in the second way, it destabilizes things because that’s sort of far-fetched and you seem desperate. So what you need to focus on is finding a way to create more liquidity in the US banking system. Liquidity for banks, themselves. Lacey is trying her hardest to hear what I’m saying, so do your best interpreting this, but you need to try to find a way to create a certain sense of security here at home in the US in our banking system so if people felt like they could take out a home loan And that it would be safe. There are many millennials who would upgrade and buy a more expensive house. Or buy a more expensive car and they wouldn’t even have to take out a loan that was insecure. They just need to have a sense that long-term it’s a worthwhile investment. If they don’t have that sets and so a lot of them have under purchased including Lacey but she’s not alone there are a lot of millennials who have under purchased. I guarantee you I don’t need to see the numbers I know it’s true, and I would noticed I noticed I would know it was true if I was alive.
So that’s one example of what I’m talking about but there are many others obviously so you you could invest in the infrastructure of the US that would definitely help secure the US dollar. Building better transit systems that are more green building of me more roads that are forwards thinking I would work with Elon musk to do that or people who think like him. And it needs to be a stable, long-term plan none of this nonsense.
In Lacey‘s neighborhood there’s a highway that needs to be redone and there’s a lot of talk about what should be done with it. I think that it needs to be totally totally redone and as you and I both know that is a burden, but it also creates jobs. And that’s the kind of thing that I’m talking about giving people a sense of hope and stability within the country and that’s frankly why the hiring Bobby was a dumb idea Mr. President. You’re a renegade. You’re a force, thinking prosperous man, that you are one of a kind and having men like you who work for you was a smart idea but it’s also dangerous because you have all of these people with all of these ideas and then you’re supposed to just field all of this information and make a cohesive That’s a lot to ask of yourself.
I would suggest finding a way to sort of a tame them slightly. They have some interesting ideas but these tariffs and a lot of the proposals that you have are so new and wild that that’s enough and I know we don’t need to mess with the milk supply and all of that on top of the tariffs it focuses on the academic economics of things and certainly on a holistic level but you’ve got a sort of keep your feet on the ground.
Oh, and that would be my that would be my criticism of those tariffs they’re very intelligent in their own way Lacey instantly saw it, and so do I. But no one’s going to think that because it’s so out of the out of out of the norm. It’s so out-of-the-box that no one‘s gonna understand what you were doing or why. And that’s what I’m trying to focus on you’ve got to figure out how to stabilize things because all of these changes are so dramatic that at some point you’ve got a sort of keep us a little more even keel and stabilize things.” says Lem.
“ Lem’s is there a lot more that you’d like to say but it’s really hard to get it out of her mouth?” says the Fed
“ yes, sir there is, but I’m doing my best and she’s not a stupid woman but she doesn’t have a Harvard business degree like I do.” says Lem.
“ do you think you got your point across?” says Trump.
“ maybe somewhat.” says Lem.
“ what are you talking about?” says the Fed.
“ she’s not Jack she’s a very beautiful, intelligent woman and she’s doing her best as she hears something about banks and stabilizing banks does that ring a bell to you?”’says Lem.
“ yes.” says the Fed.
“ and how quickly could they do that though?” says a historian.
“ I mean, there are certain measures. They could take that would stabilize the banks within about six months.” says Lem.
“ and I actually think I know what he’s talking about and I don’t think this is stupid you guys.” says Ken Burns.
“ how many of you are freaking out because you’re realizing that lime is real and that he was straight?” says an actress.
“ I don’t want to know!” says an older woman.
“ why don’t you guys want to know?” says a younger woman.
“ because it’s embarrassing to them and they’re men and we don’t need to embarrass them.” she says.
“ I don’t understand how you sucked that man’s cock and I just don’t understand it!” says Bill Cosby.
“ I can explain it.” says Lem.
“ how did you stomach that?” says a straight man.
“ I am you know I’m going down on a woman is very hard to do without being attracted to the woman. But if you catch a man after he’s had a bath him like I may have or if you catch him out after he’s gone swimming like I may have, there’s not a lot of odor. And it smells like a swimming pool or it smells like bathwater and you don’t have to think about it as much. No this is really what I did and there’s not a taste. It doesn’t taste any different than snot or your own finger or your own arm. It’s just skin. So that is the first thing.
The thought of it being in your mouth well you know it’s just a part of the body and it’s just my mouth and it’s just like having a hot dog in your mouth.
Oh, and then you know the part about the sexual aspect of what they’re experiencing you don’t have to think about that if you don’t want to you don’t have to think about it. And I didn’t I knew logistically what was going to happen. It’s like you get your mouth on the penis and you move it around in a particular fashion and then it’s going to have a certain result but then that’s it so it’s just logistical mechanical stuff because there’s not a huge odor and if you just think of it like a hotdog And I mean you can just kind of get over it in your head it’s like oh I’m just eating a hotdog whatever and yeah I have to make this hotdog it progressively harder and obviously I know what they’re experiencing from personal experience so that’s a little weird but then you think well I know I guess that’s just him. I guess that’s just what they’re experiencing and there’s not any real intimacy to it if you don’t want there to be. It’s like you know no I mean you know this man is probably experiencing what I do when I am in when I do you know masturbate and that’s kind of gross and I am making him feel something that I’m not really enjoying making him fill so it’s like well. Yeah OK I guess he’s feeling pretty Pretty pretty aroused right now and pretty ready to come home but that’s that’s just what happens you know him and I and that’s just that’s just what happens and then he comes and I guess that’s it and then I spit out the come and he’s in a good mood.
I was never aroused by men and I never got that confused so I think you guys have a lot of really dumb ideas and are very stubborn yourselves and so you thought that somehow I had some intimacy with him but I did not have Bobby and Caroline and whoever it was that imagine all this shit which is sad your overconfidence is really annoying at best.
No, I did not feel a sense of accomplishment as a straight man who is confused, which is what it would’ve been I did I did not he didn’t confuse me and make me think that I was in love with him in that way. You have to stop being so certain of your own perspective if you want to be at a logical Caroline. He you can have your own perspective, but but you can’t assume that it’s right to such a psychotic degree. He did enjoy me giving him oral sex but I was never proud of it. Um, I just I knew what he was experiencing and I guess I just thought OK well big deal I guess that’s just what he experiences when I give him oral sex, and him and him. You guys have never been with someone like that. You might be someone like that, but you’ve never had to be on the other end. Lacey has.
She’s given sexual pleasure to more than one man. Oh no, she has and compared to what I did. I don’t know who enjoyed. I don’t know who enjoyed it more. Look, I was really good at making Jack feel like I was taking him. He, but that wasn’t something that I understood. I had no idea what that was. If I had no one how vulnerable he was to me I would’ve hated him. I would’ve absolutely hated him whether I was gay or straight. Because he was so stupid! That it’s repulsive!
He never gave me oral pleasure. He tried to fuck me in the ass once he tried to get me to fuck him in the ass, but he never did that to me. What the hell was that asshole idiot thinking!? he didn’t have a great body. He was a total abusive freak, and he wasn’t giving me any pleasure. What the fuck did he think I was with him for?? if he had thought about it, he would’ve realized that he was putting his own life in danger. Threatening my life, antagonizing me, and then putting himself psychologically in a position of vulnerability, like that is incredibly stupid. He, and yet he did it. And he got shot. And his brother got shot and the family has never really recovered.
He thought that his money and his violence would keep me in line. But that doesn’t really work because people have their own emotions they have their own needs and money is nice. Money is very nice but I went to Choate I went to Harvard I went to Princeton and I was a very intelligent man I could have provided for myself I didn’t need his help. I was a man I was not a woman I was a man. And I could’ve easily found a way to protect myself, and have my own life. So belittling me, and then threatening me with Amiga amount of money relatively speaking, he didn’t have enough to give me to really shut me up, and even if he had, I might not have taken too kindly to it. I know Lacey thinks the money is more of a draw than it was but no it really wasn’t that much money Lacey he really didn’t give me that much money. You’re thinking of Louis. You’re thinking of the Rockefeller family and everything that they have. You’re thinking of a lot of other very wealthy people who you could be with Jack had a lot of money, but I was never going to be that rich. Jackie was wealthier with airy Onassis than she was with Jack. They were wealthy, but they weren’t like the Rockefellers. They weren’t like the Guggenheims. They weren’t like the Hill family. and so there wasn’t there was a lot of money, but there wasn’t as much money as what you’re thinking.
And even if there had been, I really as a man would not have been that satisfied.
I mean, you could build me a castle and give me 1 billion just to spend on toys and I would still have been bored.
And that’s who I am and so I don’t know what he was thinking, but he thought that trips you know, and a little here in a little there, and then these violent threats were supposed to keep me in line.
Oh, and I was straight so I wasn’t enjoying taking him. But I thought well that’s umm… that’s just how it goes. Oh, so am I a at first it’s a little weird cause you things to do I own this person and then you realize that you don’t entirely. And I didn’t process, but this was though it seems like I did when one of my letters I say, did you just fine not that find a woman who would take you? I didn’t mean that I didn’t mean that is as a euphemism for anything sexual, I really didn’t. It might seem like I did but I did not and I never I never really had that conversation with him because I never really process what was happening.
I wouldn’t have been able to be his friend if I had. Lacey and I really are a lot alike and that to us is just disgusting. It’s more disgusting to me that it is to her.
So I knew that you know he was pretty vulnerable to meet a sense after I did that to him but then it’s like he would sort of calm down and get all happy and king all cheerful and then I would just think OK well I did my thing and I guess I you know I guess that’s good and then that was that I never processed. I never processed it. I just thought well. Yeah I guess he’s enjoying himself and I guess that’s good.
and then I didn’t really worry about it. After that I did it did not give me a sense of pride nor ownership of him it just I was straight and I didn’t think of it. That way I suppose I could have and still have been straight that is perfectly possible but no, I never felt that, it just never occurred to me. It just was like oh well OK I guess this is how he is.
And it was very disturbing to have to think about what he was experiencing to be honest. It was an anti-aphrodisiac, and in someways that was part of the reason why I didn’t care about being with anybody because I was so grossed out by him that I was very Unaroused, four hours after I did that it was like you had so for hours after I would give him oral sex. I didn’t have any desire to do anything. I just wanted to sit and stare or go for a walk or sometimes I’d get a drink, but mostly, I just wanted to sit and stare, or you know sometimes I would just wanna be alone and sometimes I would eat to comfort myself. I really hated it but I just did it. They just put up with it and did it because I thought it was gay.” says Lem.
“ did Jack enjoy it more than her boyfriend or not?” says the CIA.
“I am I kind of think that her boyfriend enjoyed it more to be honest.
She is a woman and she’s very feminine and she doesn’t use stuff like that to control people but she could have it. She could’ve controlled that young man and probably gotten him to marry her but she doesn’t do stuff like that and he had a lot of fun and he had several decent orgasms and the thing is she didn’t take him, but he was bisexual and he was with her and there was not much shame involved for him like there was with Jack and there was an understanding between them and they were culturally acceptable and it was fun for him and so it wasn’t the same thing as it was for Jack Jack was embarrassed by it And so he was experiencing love for me as a narcissist, but he also was embarrassed by that and in denial about it to some degree and so he didn’t probably enjoy it as much. I think her boyfriend had more fun because it was just you know good old-fashioned oral sex to him and he was not planning on marrying her and he was just soaking up all of her love and affection with no intent of having anything happen that he would ever have to worry about. You know he could come and go as he pleases so to speak she wasn’t rejecting him and he was having a really fun time.” says Lem.
“ so you didn’t get any sort of psychological pleasure out of doing that for him?” says a man.
“ none whatsoever. No, none whatsoever I didn’t even process what was happening. I really genuinely didn’t.” says Lem. “ I really didn’t OK let’s just say that I had and that I thought that I was taking him I was still straight so then I would’ve just felt some sort of authority or possession of him in someway, but it would’ve been asexual in a strange sense, and so it would’ve been like I had ownership of him sexually and I was emotionally attached to that and I felt some sort of hurt that I might’ve even imagined was homosexual. This could happen, but then it would’ve still been me just being confused and taking our relationship really seriously when it wasn’t even real it was it was a lie so to speak, but that’s not what happened I really wasn’t processing it I really wasn’t it’s not a threat to my relationship with Lacey if I was, I genuinely really wasn’t analyzing it.” says Lem.
“ I don’t understand why that would make you hateful towards him?” says a psychologist.
“ because it’s so pathetic he had kids he was running a country. He was an incredibly privileged person and he demanded respect from people. He demanded respect. He demanded devotion here amend it he demanded praise he was violent, but then when you looked at his track record when you looked at what he was all about you find the man as a total fraud, and not just a fraud, but a laughable idiot, and it’s morally offensive his stupidity became morally offensive.” says Lem.
“ so let me get this straight you would take him lame and you didn’t know that that’s what you were doing or you did?” says JLO.
“ that’s an interesting question could I have been in denial about it because I was just too grossed out no believe it or not I was never with a woman.
I was never with a woman and I never I never realized what that would do because I never experienced it. I never experienced it and he wasn’t really him. He wasn’t really saying things to me that were romantic as it was happening, so it wasn’t like I was clued in that way either it was more just what was happening, so I didn’t have the insight to understand. I had no desire for a man to do that. I had no desire for a man to do that, and I might seem like I did in my pictures to some people but no, I really had no desire for a man to do that to me to take me. I really wasn’t attracted to him, and I sincerely did not think it through.
And I was straight there’s no way around that so when you analyze me, you have to realize that I’m either convoluted and confused or you’re misunderstanding me and it seems like I was more interested than I was. Because there’s no way I could’ve been happy at his wedding if I hadn’t been straight, and I really did look straight.
So I was straight and I’m telling you I was straight no but I didn’t think that through and I just didn’t think that through. I never flirted with him though believe it or not in any real way it was always kind of facetious and half joking because I was never really interested in him and it was not it was not really a serious thing it was for him possibly him but it really wasn’t for me and if that’s actually a little strange, so I’ll talk about that. How did I tolerate that? How do I tolerate someone flirting with me sincerely Who insisted that they weren’t when I wasn’t really doing it myself and I was sure that I was gay so basically, I just didn’t care. It’s like oh well he is closeted and he’s sincere and he’s flirting with me um but what difference does that make? Because he’s not faithful he’s not interested in a relationship and I don’t know it it’s just him it’s just sort of his thing that’s just sort of what he does. You know it’s like sincere flirting, but I guess that’s just what he does. I don’t do that and I’m not like that as much now but that’s just how I am and it doesn’t make much difference. I’m still gay I guess and that’s just kind of the nature of our friendship I am not, you know , a person who is in an any real serious, fantastically, loving relationship with him, and I am not passionate when it comes to men I thought I was passionate because I was gay, but I didn’t think that I was passionate for gay men I thought I was a rather cold person and someways possibly so I would’ve thought oh no you know I’m a pretty cold intellectual person in someways and I care about people but I’m not much of a flirt and I don’t know I flirt with him I guess but it’s it’s more or less just to be nice and to be a no a good sport I guess but it isn’t because I want to, and I am he doesn’t seem to know the difference so that’s fine and you know it’s him not really a problem anyway because he is sleeping with lots of other people and I am I don’t have a problem with that.” says Lem.
“ so you really didn’t you didn’t know that you were straight?” says JLO.
“ no you know I did in a way, but it was like a sort of psychosis because I knew that but at the same time I thought that was just couldn’t be possible because it just couldn’t be so I just sort of repressed to that and it became sort of subconscious and yeah I just lived in that I just lived in that reality of thinking I was gay patronizing him but thinking that that was normal. Somehow you know maybe I was just cold maybe I was just intellectual maybe we were just friends you know at some at some point, but really not necessarily though because it’s it’s not quite like that it’s like he’ll know we’re friends but no really I’m just kind of a cold person movie slightly and maybe you know that’s normal somewhat and yeah so it’s like well. Big deal not a big deal you know and then yeah so no when I took him but when I did that, I wasn’t thinking it was all that serious but if I did if I know in, I would’ve thought well big deal do you know him and then I would’ve thought he was a jerk and I would’ve probably thought that I should leave and I thought I already thought that but I but I I would’ve really thought that.” says Lem.
“ what would you have done?” says his mom.
“ it depends when we were younger I would’ve probably thought I would’ve probably thought well I might just let him die. I might’ve just let him die. He came so close to dying quite a few times and I might have just thought I’m gonna let you die I’m just gonna let you die, I’m gonna back away from you really slowly Jack in a way that you won’t notice and then I’m just gonna let you die of natural causes because I can’t stand you.
When he was a little older, I would’ve probably try to find a replacement, and I actually might’ve try that believe it or not but I would’ve tried harder and if that wasn’t possible and it wouldn’t have been, I mean really I was trapped I probably would’ve thought well again I’m just gonna let him die. I’m gonna let him overdose on some drug. I’m gonna let him ruin his life and I’m just gonna let him die. When he was married, and he was a senator, and on the verge of being a president, I probably would have thought this man is repulsive, and I would’ve thought it’s gonna get harder to let him die, because people are trying harder to keep him alive him and there was Jackie, so I probably would have found ways to sabotage entire career Very cleverly yeah I know this is real and then when he was president, I probably would have a I probably would’ve been looking for an angle looking for a way to slit his throat so I speak and actually I was.” says Lem.
“ i’m trying to figure out why that bothers you so much.” says a woman.
“ because I don’t think it’s easy to explain but it’s incredibly unfair. And I was being abused and I was straight and so seeing that isn’t Credit just it’s it’s disgusting and then you think oh this person is gone too far. They’re starting to fill a privilege that really only someone should fill with me when I’m consenting and we’re in love, and it’s real and it’s not some stupid game that they’re playing in their head to feel better than women and better than other people which is what he was doing. No and it’s like you know what gives you the right to think that I want to take you? Other than the fact that I am doing some thing what gives you the right to think that I am that I mean this, because I am not pursuing you I did not pursue him I did not pursue him that is a lie and a misunderstanding of what happened I did not pursue him if it looks like I did and I could have and still been straight but no I did not. I really did not.
That is a lie historically, and it’s going to be hard to disavow people from thinking that because there’s not a ton of evidence to suggest that I didn’t in a sense, but no, I really didn’t and in reality I actually found him annoying.
And so what happened was that guy was sort of fooled into thinking that I should be with him, and I went along with it I didn’t really pursue him. He didn’t fool me into pursuing him, necessarily at all him if at all, if I’ve said, otherwise, I may be contradicting myself, but I’m not sure that I have and I’m telling you I really did not pursue him.
He pursued me as what I wanna say he actually pursued me and they lied about it because they didn’t want their son to be homosexual
They’ve covered up for that, and his father knew his father knew that he’d approached me initially, because I had a reputation. His father knew that, and it was lied about from the very beginning.
This idea that I was in love with him and he didn’t know that’s bullshit he pursued me I took it seriously cause I was confused and then that’s what people have read is meat trying to have a relationship with him because I didn’t know what was going on.
But he was the one who wanted it from the very beginning he was the one who wanted it from the very beginning I was just a tragic, confused, young man who was vulnerable. And so I I didn’t have a chance to some degree because they were really determined people, and he enjoyed the fact that there was a hint of vulnerability and victim written all over me, and I think he knew that some woman would be missing me somewhere where there’s reincarnation or not, and he lived for that to some degree because he was sick piece of shit.
And a and a no he knew what he was doing to some degree and it was very sadistic.
So we had a sadomasochistic relationship, but I didn’t know that.
If I had known that I was affecting him and taking him know, I would’ve lost it because I would’ve thought this is repulsive. This man is taking what I’m doing so damn seriously.
And I humored myself because I thought it was gay, but that would’ve broken me. I would’ve thought what the hell is wrong with him this is stupid as fuck.
I never processed it I really never did. I never experimented with women to any real great degree and I didn’t. I really didn’t and so I could imagine what that would be like somewhat. I could imagine what that would be like somewhat because it’s not that hard to imagine it but I never processed it and so and so I just thought well yeah I guess they would have a similar response if I thought about it but I didn’t think about it. See Lacey thinks about everything you’re talking to her she analyzes everything I didn’t.
So yeah, there are women that I made out with but I didn’t and I didn’t really want them that badly and the women that I would’ve wanted that badly I didn’t ever experiment with and so I thought if I thought about it I might’ve thought well I guess you know that that’s what they would do you know jerk around and act all hot and bothered and you know what what people do but I didn’t think about it I thought well yeah I guess that’s what they would do if I thought about it I’m trying to think of how to say this to you, so it’s like well. Yeah I guess she would probably come. She would probably be amazed by me or something if she really was in love with me and Yeah you know I kind of had some idea what that was like but there’s a difference between that and and what was happening with Jack so it’s like how do I say this it’s like with women who you’re in love with you kind of imagine them, you know, sort of Coming under your control will say and you’re sort of taking them because they’re a woman and so it’s like oh yeah because she’s a woman or she’s in love with me and this doesn’t change what happened at my orientation is not affected by this mind you, so really, she’s just trying to figure out what actually happened. Keep that in mind, but no I I was she is interested and apparently you are too but but no I never saw it through. It was like well yeah I guess women would you know be overtaken by me and him how is it? How would I overtake them? Um, you know, through the intimacy of it through the experience of it Through it through the pleasure of it sure an away oh, but not necessarily. So it’s like yeah OK I guess that would affect them. Yeah if they felt that much pleasure I guess that would affect them I guess that would affect them, but I didn’t think that it was necessarily quite like that so it’s like oh yeah, I guess that would affect them but not oh boy, not quite like that.
So it’s kind of like well yeah yeah OK that would affect them sure oh, but I will. I mean how much? So it’s like well yeah, I guess that would affect them but it’s the love it’s Arnold my masculinity it’s sex itself with a woman that’s doing it not so much I owe the pleasure.
So wow so when I did that to Jack, it did on him but I didn’t realize that because it’s like well. Yeah I guess that’s just dumb. I guess that’s just sucks you know and knowing how to to really make people feel some thing. Because I was straight so it’s like with women you know you do this with a woman and she’s a goner because she’s a woman but you do this with a man I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t do the same thing or maybe there’s not I don’t know it’s like it’s just I don’t think it really does much I don’t know I mean he wants it. He asks for it he requests it but I’m not sure that it really does much because he cheats on me. He sleeps with lots of other people. I don’t think he even acknowledges anything to cheat on it it’s it’s not like this does anything because he’s off in five seconds with somebody else so even if this is doing some thing And this is what I would’ve realized too if I was gay, even if it even if it’s affecting him what shit difference does it make? Sincerely, it doesn’t seem to make any fucking difference.” says Lem.
“ so I’m trying to understand what would’ve happened if you understood?” says a woman.
“ if I had watched, I said I didn’t watch people remember, I’ve watched Elliot and Lacey and it was very painful for me and she doesn’t understand that which makes it less painful believe it or not because part of the reason it’s painful is thinking that this woman is betraying you or that she doesn’t wanna be with you the fact that she doesn’t know why it’s hurtful to me it makes it less painful cause I think you know I don’t think I don’t think she’s on the same page as I am on in my understanding of reality and I love her and that’s OK she’s a woman she doesn’t need to understand. I’ll explain it to her and I have to some degree but not really and we’re fine to some degree now, but no she didn’t. She still doesn’t understand why that was painful to me though and I told her to stop sleeping with other people and she has but she doesn’t for some reason she doesn’t understand why that’s painful to me anymore. People can get confused.
So, but watching them and she’s bringing this up for a reason probably cause she’s hurt and I don’t blame her and actually I kind of might’ve brought it up myself potentially to some degree watching them was interesting because I gained perspective Elliott understood what it meant to be a man and take somebody. He really understood that extremely well and that was that was that was that if I’d seen that I would’ve understood what I was doing with Jack there wasn’t a lot of stuff like that. We didn’t have anything like that on television there wasn’t stuff like that in the movies pornography wasn’t really like that at the time so I don’t know how I was expected to know, what that was. And what I mean by that is why are you expecting me to know all the stuff that wasn’t available to me I hadn’t seen a lot of this stuff and some of these concepts come from seeing things.
So how do I seen that in a movie or somewhere? I would’ve thought oh damn I bet this is affecting him psychologically in a way that I’m not OK with. But I am I didn’t process that.
I did not process the reality of what I was experiencing with him in that way I was too innocent and naïve in a sense and so I thought well you know it is what it is. It bothered me and I had a sense that something was weird about it, but you know the whole thing was weird and I I just sort of shrugged it off because of how much of a narcissistic jerk he was.” says Lem. “ if I had been in a relationship with someone who was as obsessed with me as he was, who wasn’t as narcissistic, and he really was obsessed with me there were men who were interested, but no one was as determined to keep me in their life, the way that he was. so had I had that I would’ve probably figure it out that there was something peculiar about Jack and I would’ve thought he’s different than these other people. And I would’ve started to realize that those people were taking that act pretty seriously and that would’ve taken time though for me to figure it out I would’ve had to do it a lot before I caught on because I wasn’t an analytical person and that way and I was straight and I was just trying to get through it and so it would’ve taken me quite a few experiences to realize that this person Was was not experiencing it the way that I was.
But there was no there was no sense of peace or intimacy between us in anyway, with those people I would’ve been weirded out, and I was weirded out from the beginning because I was straight, but if they had gone that far if they were that obsessed with me I would’ve thought well I mean I guess I’ll try to figure this person out because they’re really into me and I want to you know see what that’s about and you know I might’ve realize that there was something weird about the whole thing but and truthfully I would’ve realized it before that moment, if someone had been that obsessed with me Nobody was but he was and he was a narcissist so no it’s like he would do these things that were obsessive like I am you’ve got to come over. Let me need you to stand like the slime I need you to pose for the picture like this Halen put your arm around me a lame do this hell am I need you to sing go sing? You should wear this them you should wear that you should do this. You should be here you should come you should give me a massage. I may need you love you need to be here. He was like that all the time.
Lame why aren’t you? Why aren’t you? Why aren’t you here yet lame why are you are lame where are you? Where are you lame lame, lame lame. Are you mad at me because you know you shouldn’t be. It’s your fault. Why are you? Why are you are why are you here today you’re supposed to be here tomorrow Why what’s going on with your mom what’s going on with your sister do they like me? Does your family like me? Why are you so sad today you know you really shouldn’t be because I’m the one that sad I mean basically that’s what he was like and it was nothing like what’s your favorite color how are you? Do you know talk to me you know I’m obsessed with you and that way it was more like oh why are you so sad what’s going on with you? Why are you here? What why don’t you like that movie that I like love why don’t you like that song that I like? Why aren’t you trying harder in school on this subject? Why are you so like this, why aren’t you with women you know you really should be you should be with women why aren’t you with women that’s weird lame tell me again why are you think you shouldn’t be?
I mean there’s evidence of this obsession talk to me talk to me now come talk to me come be with me come massage me come help me. Why aren’t you here? What are you feeling? What are you doing? Why are you looking at me like that? why are you being that way right now? Why do you like rowing anyway what is your sister like that? Why is this happening? You know this is not the way it should be. I need you to do this and I’m not quite able to express what I’m trying to say, but it was genuine obsession, and a very sick way. It wasn’t love. He never expressed me any sort of affection, and that way hardly at all it was very much like I was his possession, and I was supposed to do exactly what he wanted when he wanted to do me to do it, or he was incredibly upset.
And I was heterosexual I was heterosexual OK so it’s extremely complicated and people have botched it but no it wasn’t. It was an absolutely disgusting relationship. I’m sorry and it’s sad that no one‘s picked up on this about it but I was kept on a leash I was kept on a chain and whipped if I didn’t please him.” says Lem.
“ Lacey what was it like to be with Joe?” says the CIA.
“ a very different experience.” says Lacey.
“Yeah!” says Saoirse.
“ I wasn’t really that bad either.” says Ted.
“ so what was actually wrong with Jack and why has the gay community covered for him? Was it intentional or was it an accident?” says Kamala Harris.
“ why did you give Bobby a job? I care about you, but it pisses me off right now!” said President Bush to Trump.
“ you know he’s not like Jack but that’s a very fair criticism.” says Bobby Senior.
“ why is it a fair criticism?” says the CIA.
“ can I just say it’s frustrating you people know that Lacey and I were together and that she’s resisting me why the hell are you so damn sure that she’s obsessed with him the way that you think she is there’s a lot of cognitive dissonance and narcissism involved in it and I just wanna point that out because it really pisses me off.” says Elliott Roosevelt.
“ because you cheated on her with me Emerson.” says a CIA.
“ does that seem to stop me from wanting to be with her?” says Elliott.
“ well, no obviously not.” says the CIA.
“ so then, maybe if you couldn’t reason with her after hours of talking with her about them, you shouldn’t resort to destroying sex in the city or spending hours longer talking with her. You should try to give her sort of a another person to think about like I don’t know someone else or you could say you know, even if he cheated with Faye I would try to give him a second chance I mean you could’ve done something like that. I think you’ve been very lacking in common sense and how you’ve dealt with the situation I’m sorry.” says FDR.
“ oh and what about my wife? She was a bully people have said that about her why would you assume that Lacey understood what was happening with Harold Loeb either and then there’s Michael and that makes no sense at all.” says Louis.
“ it’s a fair criticism because she isn’t in a place where she can understand. My son is a moron. I’m not taking that back, and he will have to live with that criticism and that anger to the day he dies! And I love him, but you know him I don’t think he has a clue what he’s talking about, sometimes at all. And as much as I am proud of him to some degree, I am saying it that way, but not as much as I’m proud of him him the role he has right now is not an area where he was really intellectually nurtured and I don’t entirely understand why he’s doing it. I would say a lot to him if I could and I am his father and I have no idea how he would respond to that. Would he respect me or what he thinks that he was talking to a hallucination because there’s no afterlife even though there’s an afterlife and I can’t really be the dad that died like I don’t know what he would think. Because he seems to think a lot of bullshit about our family.
I understand that lamb gave him some impression that he was like Jack or something right? He’s not. He’s my son I like I mean literally I made him he’s my son…
He’s not Jack son he’s mine!
And so his mannerisms piss me off, because they’re proved to me that I died and didn’t raise him past a certain age. If I had lived, he would sound a heck of a lot more like me.
And I don’t know what he would be doing right now, but it’s it’s very frustrating and painful to me to see him totally lost about his identity.
If I could find a way to raise him and clue him in about who he really is he void he would be he would be pretty safe for Donald Trump to have as the head of the health and human services department. Because he would be the same person but he wouldn’t have some weird idea of who he is and Camelot and how he’s supposed to talk to people and what mannerisms he supposed to have and he imitates lamb a lot so he would probably he would be a lot safer because he’d be grounded in reality, and he would be the same person, but he would be my son With my last name and not Jack’s nephew. He would be my son, not the nephew of JFK. Oh, he would be my son because he’s my son, and he would know that.
But he doesn’t know that anymore and so it’s a little scary having him in a position of power because sometimes I think him and Jack Slosberg fight because they think that they’re both JFK‘s heir.
I think they both think that they’re the air to Camelot and they’re not. Jack is in a sense but he’s also Jackie‘s grandson and he never even met my brother. He never met me. And it’s weird but I think if there is an illuminati that he in someways knows more about Joe than Bobby does. Because Bobby never met Joe, I think he thinks that he did, but he never did.
So Bobby thinks that he understands Lacey because she’s like his wife and she’s not. There are some similarities but they’re not quite like her and he doesn’t really know his family as well as he thinks he does. He doesn’t understand who Joe was. Lacey can’t fathom that she thinks how the hell does he not get Joe but he doesn’t understand Joe the way that she does.
Jack Slosberg does because Jack’s new age and if there’s an illuminati, he takes after Jackie slightly, and I think he understands that she’s legitimate, and that ghosts are real and a slightly more intellectually honest way. And so I
He believes her take on him more because he thinks that matches with reality and then he thinks no I have a feeling Joe was this person that she keeps describing psychically. So he never met him. Jack Bobby never met him, but Jackson pression of him is actually more accurate. Bobby doesn’t understand that and he hates that and I hate to say this, but I think it’s because he lies about crushes that he has on people.
Jack my great nephew doesn’t really understand me or my brother who is his grandfather as well as he thinks he does. I’m sorry. His his idea of of his grandfather him is more like Lem’s, or a lot of other men of that generation, but not so much like his grandfather. And Bobby knew me Bobby is my son so that’s where Bobby knows more than Jack.
But I think to understand Lacey Caroline you’d have to have met Joe if you’re gonna be that stubborn about it, and you never met him either.
And it’s weird that Lacey has met these people, but it’s not.
But we’re ghosts and so she’s met us, but it’s not some thing that science recognizes.
But but Bobby, you are, you’re my son Jack was never your father. Your mother, my wife did get along with Jack, but nothing ever happened between them and you’re my you’re my son.” says Bobby.
“ so what you’re trying to say Dad is that he needs to think more of you and not so much of Camelot?” says Cheryl.
“ yes I did exist. I wasn’t the president but I was the Attorney General I was a US senator I was his father not Jack and I was a successful US attorney. I was a successful Attorney General. They didn’t assassinate me the assassinated, my brother, your uncle, not your father. The people that assassinated me are not the same people who assassinated my brother. If there is a conspiracy, they’re different people a lot of years past there was water under the bridge and some people change their minds about certain things I was a different person and there was still animosity. There was still a problem, but it was a different thing. I would tell you what happened, but then you start to think I’m not real.” says Bobby.
“ he’s not gonna be able to say anything that easily he is a ghost.” says Lacey.
“ I so he can’t come for me right now?” says Bobby.
“ no not easily I’m Lem can sometimes comfort me him but it’s not easy for them to do that and they can somewhat but not that easily especially unfortunately when there’s darkness involved which is really sad but that’s the fallen world so if you’re really depressed, it can be harder If there’s a lot of demonic activity, it can be harder.” says Lacey.
“ and I’m also not comforting you partially because I don’t want you to think that it’s safe to relax and expect me to be able to talk to you when you need me because I am dead.” says Bobby.
“ i’ve got to be honest if there is an illuminati right now, Bobby, you don’t seem very dead.” says Trump.
“ yeah that’s because of how dead Lacey actually is and yet that shit is she’s alive she’s both and so when you talk to her through talk to me talk to me through her it seems like we’re all in the same room together we’re not but she’s sort of has a foot in both both both sides and so it seems like it’s all one thing it’s not.” says Bobby.
“ and so getting back to Lacey really quickly before we end this conversation and I I can see why you’re not sold on that explanation for why might’ve been weird talk to you lame are you sold on it?” says Cyrus.
“ hey no I think it’s interesting but I’m not sold on it completely.” says Lem.
“ and why are you doing that to her? Why are you rejecting her so brutally you’re not really answering me.” says Louis.
“ because how dare she!?” they say.
“ how dare she what?” says Louis.
“ how dare she be so weird?” they say.
“ what do you think of her now?” says God.
“ I mean she’s better than my wife and she’s better than me stupid bitch!” they say. “ I’m not going to have sex with her. I’m not going to accept her as a man because how dare she? How dare she threaten my sister and my friends and my mother and me!”
“ so you’re more offended egotistically than aroused?” says Satan.
“ oh, well, I mean yeah!
Because come on what the hell!?” they say.
“ hey so what did you want from her then?” says God.
“ I mean, just not to be threatened probably just to have a nice day. Oh my God!” they whine.
“ do you know if she is Tom’s daughter things could’ve gone one of two ways men could’ve really liked her in a way that would’ve been kind of like Brett Ashley. And you guys could’ve thought this is were Cyrus is a little too much of a mean girl to her to understand what’s actually happening um, she could’ve been really popular you guys could’ve thought she was really cool and different. You could’ve thought this woman is just so unique. She’s really like different! And that would’ve been so much dangerous to her soul, but she would’ve been fine. She would’ve gotten a lot of male attention that was positive and yet it would’ve been a little too much attention.
Oh, but it went the opposite direction where you just are just too upset to appreciate anything about her at all.” says God.
“ what would why are they? Why are these guys taking it that way?” says Cyrus.
“ because they’ve chosen to be evil as sad as that is to say.” says God.
“ evil how?” says a man.
“ they’re very resentful of her. They’re very resentful of her they see her as an inconvenience. She’s not complicated in any sort of offputting way, but they choose to find it offputting because they’re spoiled, sheltered, pampered sluts. They’re used to things being very easy for them and they’re bothered all the time they’re always in a bad mood Collectively. They’re very upset. Always. And some of that is for very good reason and then some of that is because they’re a heartless generation.
And they’re heartless towards themselves they’re heartless towards each other. They’re heartless towards the children for being sold right now they don’t care it’s disgusting. It makes them impotent as men and effeminate in a very disgusting way! If they don’t understand their own power, they don’t understand their own worth because they’re heartless towards themselves as well. And yes, part of the reason they’re heartless is because they were raised to be, but they’ve also chosen to be.
You’re cold as ice! I say to them.
Lacey scares you she challenges you and you don’t understand her. And instead of finding that exciting or fascinating because she’s so beautiful and pleasant you find it off pudding and annoying. And then you rely on women who are jealous of her to be your guide in relation to her and so you think you know I don’t know she’s a little too serious or she’s a little to some thing and I just don’t like her, so, even though I find her attractive, and that would be nice to look into that I’m just gonna go with my friends who think that she’s weird because I like them better as people and the fact that I like to be with her means nothing to me compared to the fact that I just can’t be bothered. You just don’t want to be bothered to have to think about it.
She’s not that complicated but you just don’t wanna think about it.
OK she is complicated but I’m saying she’s not that complicated it’s like she’s complicated but it’s not so astoundingly complicated that you couldn’t figure it out. And there are a lot of other really unusually beautiful women who you’ve rejected as well because they’re so indifferent to you because they’re women and they’re expecting you to do some thing. And you don’t want to bother.  You want women to guide you through life. And part of that is because you’ve been brainwashed with a lot of feminist, deceit. You don’t understand that the women who pretended to be better than that it’s better than your mom and your public school system we’re not God and so when they told you women are your equal, there are no different than you there just a woman whatever they told you they were lying.
Hey, you were supposed to figure certain things out for yourself as meant, and that’s not supposed to be totally overwhelming to you. That’s supposed to be fun.
And that’s where you’ve been raised badly and you’re not aware of reality the way that you should be as men.
You are you are men but I don’t think you live in that reality almost ever 80% of the time you think you’re robots and then 20% of the time you understand what it means to be a human and be a man. I’m not saying you don’t have consciousness I’m not saying that you don’t exist I’m saying you don’t understand yourself.
And she could’ve been really fun. You could’ve had a lot of fun really it in relation to her, but you’ve destroyed that and she still exists but your generation will never get to experience her because you just threw it away. She’s been a mother to the children of your generation that you produced. She’s been your friend at times, but you’ve never made love to her any of you. And you never will. That was what you decided for yourself, and there’s no going back on that. She was born into your generation, and most men and most generations would never have screwed themselves over that way. There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s extraordinarily attractive. I don’t know why you chose to just throw that away for eternity.
Even if I cloned her, even if I made someone like her, it wouldn’t be her. If I made you sexual, do you think I don’t understand I care I’m God.
You were supposed to have understood in relation to her and lots of other beautiful women who you throw it away that there’s no going back! It’s disgusting! And in any way that I can redeem the situation in any way that I can give you grace when you die, and finally understand what you did to yourselves, I will. You, but you really have totally screwed yourselves over and there is no going back. There’s redemption there’s forgiveness, but you can’t undo the fact that you’ve actually harmed yourselves. And it’s not just her there are many other people who you’ve done that with most of them are women.
You were so obsessed with hitting up the hot honeys, that you never caught all the women who are naturally beautiful and chaste. There were thousands of them all over the United States all over the world there were hundreds of thousands of them. Sincerely there were hundreds of thousands of really attractive women without make up or plastic surgery or tight clothing and you just didn’t care because you thought the women who were really desperate were the ones to where the hot chicks worth hitting up! Because you didn’t wanna relationship dammit! Love and intimacy and stability are for idiots right FOOL?! hot damn, you sure are a brilliant man shit! I’m mocking you!!!
Normal men do want a relationship you IDIOTS!!! it’s really not normal AT ALL!!!!
You’re insane!!!!!
Do you think these tariffs are so shocking you’ve been living in a psychotic delusion from very long time.
Some things just don’t work.
And for a long time people understood that. But then science came along, and people thought they knew so much more than they did, and still do. 
How does it never scare you guys that you think you know so much but the people who think they know so much are usually people who barely know anything?
And you can’t imagine that there’s anything more to know but it’s science and there’s actually a lot more to know somethings are that simple lemon really couldn’t have been anything but heterosexual. But not everything is that simple you don’t understand the fabric of the universe. You don’t understand time in space you don’t understand so many things. You say, were we getting to you OK but you’re beginning to you don’t really understand it. Think about all of the things that you don’t understand in regard to time. And that doesn’t bother you. It doesn’t bother you on a philosophical level. It doesn’t even bother you at all? And how could I make time go faster without time appearing to go faster and 80 Quantifiable Way? Because I have in the last 20 to 30 years. How did I do that and you have no idea how to begin to analyze that almost at all do you?
Yeah, and that is exactly why it’s scary. The amount of overconfidence people have had in regard to science for about 100 years.
Lacey understood that and that was one of the reasons why you couldn’t stand her. I mean it her first boyfriend, Chris, who she was able to really spend time with was very intellectually challenged by her, and he never gave her credit really at all and he still with struggle to it just makes him mad and astounded. And you’re all like that. You’re very attached to the idea that there’s nothing to do that. The world is boring and that’s not reality but that’s the reality that you live in.
Oh, and you don’t want to be inconvenienced because you’re just too lazy you say, and it’s just life’s awful and you just don’t want to have to think about certain things, and some men with your skill set will say would’ve thought you know she’s challenging, but she’s fun but that’s not how you guys experienced her because you just didn’t want to bother. You just didn’t wanna be bothered.
Why didn’t you want to be bothered because you’re lazy and why are you lazy? Because you’re depressed and because you’re evil.
You’re not understanding me because you’re too scared and too evil.
But I think what Lem was trying to figure out is why you’ve chosen to live in the delusional idea that she’s not attractive instead of just letting it be confusing even why have you had to believe that you weren’t missing out on anything in relation to her sexually, she’s an incredibly beautiful woman. You’re extraordinarily aroused by her all of you for the most part, there are a few gay men who aren’t and they’re gay one way or another but that’s because they’re gay But you’re not all gay so I don’t understand why I actually I do understand but I’m trying to express that it’s bizarre and there’s a lot of people who are both dead and alive who can’t comprehend it.
Why are you denying yourself that physical emotional psychological enjoyment of just looking at her and openly enjoying her in a normal way? I do know why but I’m not going to share that right now so I am I’m hoping that you’ll tell me.” says God.
“ and what would we have done if she dressed more provocatively?” says one of them.
“ you would’ve actually had a very similar response.” says God. “ she would’ve been more tempted to try to save her self by dressing provocatively if there was more evidence to suggest that it would do something.”
“ I think part of it is that we don’t want to be evil.” they say.
“ so you don’t want to lust after her because you can tell she’s not loose?” says God.
“ Yes.” they admit.
“ so your idea is to to do what then?” says God.
“ I guess to be her brothers in Christ?” says Zelensky.
“ oh, that is very funny.
Because a lot of you aren’t Christians and I’m not sure where you got the idea that that was a reasonable thing to do collectively all of you at once. Did she give you that impression?” says God.
“ yes!” says Zelensky.
“ I am you know, listening to that part of her is evil as a man because you’re choosing to turn your back on reality and your responsibility as a human. You’re supposed to know that being here with her and being alive, even if there’s not reincarnation means that you’re supposed to be present in that, and responsible as a living human.” says God.
“ so you’re saying that we decided to just throw away this life in relation to her?” says a man.
“ yes you did because you decided that Margie her mother if she’s illegitimate was more sexually viable as your wife than her you all decided that if she’s illegitimate and her mother is in her 60s right now well actually she’s in her yeah she’s in her 60s if she’s illegitimate, Margie is dead or she’s in her 60s you couldn’t procreate with her anyway but you got it in your head that that was the winning ticket because Marji was Pladevall to you she was loose in a way that Lacey is not and so if Lacey is illegitimate, unfortunately for sad reasons, intellectually and spiritually and developmentally you thought Margy it was a better wife and that you should just follow her lead and throw Lacey to the wolves let her die whatever.” says God.
“ and when did we think we were going to cash out on that?” says a man.
“ probably for about five or six years when shooter in your 20s you probably had a very narrow margin of time probably about five years there’s probably about five years of when Margie was in her 40s that for some reason you thought she was going to be ultimately the better bet.” says God. “ and you sought throwing away her beautiful daughter made sense because somehow it just did to you OK and I if this is what happened I know why but I’m not gonna explain it right now, but that was that was your misunderstanding. You believed that those five years of Margie‘s ability to bear children in her 40s just totally surpassed Lacey‘s fertility an entire life yes so you threw away her which was insane. There’s not an excuse you don’t get off you’re supposed to be mortified and embarrassed right now. because there’s five yours where you just thought know that stewardess who works for Northwest airlines was the better bet. I want my woman to be better to be to be a Marji for five years snow and Margie’s not better looking than Lacey, that’s not what it is there’s no excuse for this you’re insanez
You thought those five years of Marji’s uterus being viable with your adulthood, were ultimately genetically the better, but then Lacey’s entire life.” says God.
“ where are we stupid?” says Zelensky.
“ it Hass to do with access as embarrassing as that is. For some reason-
For some reason I’m sorry I had to laugh with Lacey for some reason you calculated in your head using very bad math And a very bad sense of space and time That Margie would be physically more available to you know this is real if she’s illegitimate, possibly because Margie was a flight attendant, and you knew that subconsciously. And because she was a slut. So you thought my chances of this woman say no to me if I am on a flight are pretty low. No, you thought that as a man all of you and see you thought boy and that’s fine if your window if I am on a flight, I am good to go With Margie,. But you know the 20 or 30 years of Lacey‘s life were you were in the same dorm room with her, the same classroom with her the same grocery stores with her know you for some reason you thought that was not as likely of an option as a flight. And then you overestimated Margie‘s willingness and underestimated Lacey‘s willingness. So you thought Lacey will always say no, no matter what, no matter what I do she will always say no. always say no. But Margie will always say yes every time! And she’ll be very convenient and quick about it because she’s a very good stewardess. Lacey takes her time serving people she likes to talk she’s more aristocratical because Tom was her father and so I don’t know she’s always gonna say no and she’s gonna take a really long time talking with me and she’s gonna say no anyway. So I’m not gonna waste hours of my time just to get a no. When I could just take a flight on Northwest airlines, and be good to go!
She got a reputation and stewardesses in general did, and it became a thing, and so somehow subconsciously if she’s illegitimate you all got that impression of reality and that’s where it’s still somewhat cogent. But if not, you know really, it’s very stupid, but there’s still some sort of reasonable intelligence to that slightly. But then thinking that Lacey would always say no and that she would take too long to respond to you is incredibly retarded for lack of a better word. It’s unbelievably stupid. It’s almost like you’re brain dead. But that was what you all thought. If she’s illegitimate, that was what you all thought and you know, it’s pretty close to reality, even if she’s not, but that was basically what you thought.” says God.
“ what is Margie that available?” says a man.
“ no no she was not. She was a little too available, but she was never that available.” says God.
“ how did we think that?” he says.
“ because someone told you that about flights in the mile high club and stewardesses. It became part of the mythology of that time, and I got stuck in peoples subconscious, and you started to believe things that were not true. That stewardesses were always available that they would never say no that there was just some magical mile high club, if you were man enough to get in.” says God.
“ and there are a lot of women like this?” says a man.
“ yes yes there are a lot of women who are like Lacey. She’s one of the more sad cases, but there are a lot of women like that.” says God.
“ so we have it in our head that it’s like a video game and she’s like a brick wall that you can’t do anything with?” says a Millennial.
“ yes all right and she’s not but that’s what you people thought.” says God.
“ i’m just curious what did we think Margy was?” says a person laughing.
“ oh, you thought Margie was a whole level like a whole level with like a bonus section and there was like cool graphics and it was really cool. It was really worth it. And she’s not she was One of those like brick sort of ladders that you can crush so she does do something you can smash her. It’s possible that a star might pop out or another life but that’s about it there’s not a level there’s no hidden you know special bonus it’s really just take three bricks right next to each other And that’s it. She was a flirt. But…after she had Lacey…if she did…she was weirded out by young men.” says God.
“ I’m not hurt because I am choosing not to be.
If there is anything about our relationship that you wish was different, what would it be?” says Lem. “ i’m making it public for a reason.”
“ well, I mean obviously I wish that I wasn’t so confused by who you even are and how you feel about me. That’s the first thing is that it’s really quite impossible to know who you are and how you feel about me to the extent that I want to. If I could fix that, I’m not sure that I would have that many things that would really bother me all that much. But that is what bothers me is the fact that it’s really difficult to know.” says Lacey.
“ OK but there have to be flaws not just mistakes that I made there have to be flaws.” says Lem.
“ you know it’s the only thing that I can think of is that I wish you were wiser, but that’s sort of the same thing as what I just said.” says Lacey.
“ you really have no other complaints!?” says Lem.
“ no they’re all just character issues to be blunt.” says Lacey.
“ OK so it’s you basically think I’m perfect you just wish I was a better better person?” says Lem.
“ or had been.” says Lacey.
Lem cries.
“Why are you crying?” says Lacey.
“Because you’re so kind.” says Lem.
“Why does that make you cry?” says Lacey.
“You’re perfect. To me. But…I never get to say that. In any way. Almost ever.” says Lem. “And…you’re just…so…alone.”
He thinks. “I’m sorry. …I couldn’t keep myself from crying. It’s staggering.”
Solitude plays.
“Yeah.” says Lacey.
“I know what you wish happened. …But it’s too late.” says Lem.
The song plays.
“But we have this. Right?” says Lem, sarcastically.
Lacey laughs.
The song plays.
“It’s kinda cool.” says Mark Zuckerberg.
“Yeah!” says Lem.
The song plays.
“Why can’t you guys just blow her up?” says a Boomer.
“Because we’re scared.” says Trump.
She nods.
“She’s a very dangerous person. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. …It’s…WEIRD. …And some people like Marla are convinced that she’s Scotia. She looks like Scotia and she seems like Scotia and it’s really very likely that if there’s reincarnation she is Scotia.
There are some Christians who don’t think it’s real. But there are some who worry that it could be. And we’re not sure what it would do if we killed her. Because some people think it would be fine if we killed her whole family in a way that was painless and quick, and the brave enough to do. Because they have that much faith in Christ, and they are that sure of themselves intellectually. But then there are other people who are scared because our currency has her family’s face on it. I mean literally Scotland has her name on it. That’s a pretty big deal! And since we started attacking her, the whole world has fallen apart. I’m not exaggerating. So we kind of are walking on eggshells and not because she’s a jerk but because this is a really weird situation.” says Trump.
“ hey so if there’s an illuminati this blog is real?” she says.
“ yes.” he says.
“ you know it’s not that she’s a man it’s that you’re not that important and you need to get over it.” says God to that woman.
“ you know what irritates me is that she’s not more clearly labeled. I understand that we’re not supposed to be that stupid but her and them really are the same person. He was obviously straight. I understand why the smiling is significant psychologically and I would say it’s probably just a done deal, but he probably was straight. I don’t think she likes pulling the trigger on things like that so I’m just gonna say it I think he was straight And I think they’re the same person and I think they’re both really difficult to read. I don’t think they think they are. I think they read it other perfectly fine, but I think for most people there’s a lot that’s just really hard to figure out. Because I understand her family has the oil and I understand that there a wealthy family $100 million is a lot but I think it’s hard for me to understand because I imagine that my family has that much and they don’t but I think that in the back of my head. And then I start thinking to myself, and why aren’t they more rich looking?” she says.
“what would’ve helped you?” says a reader.
“ you know she has a very nice and usually nice small house and I’m sure that with her decorating it’s probably exquisite to be honest but it’s not that big it’s only like a $450,000 house and that’s what irritates me is that it’s exquisite and it’s one of a kind and it’s her but it’s only $450,000. and it’s like her perfume collection. I’m sure her collection is worth 20 or 30,000 but that’s it. And she is extraordinarily beautiful, but she doesn’t photograph well. And she has this great figure, but she dresses modestly., and I’m just like when do I get a break like when do I finally get to see the rarity for what it is and the only time that ever happens is the oil. That’s it trillions and oil and then the rest of it is just mysterious and it’s just too damn mysterious.” she says.
“ do you know if there is reincarnation? I am very angry at Jack because he didn’t seem to realize that by doing this to them he was doing it to everybody.” says a man. “ Lacey what is your opinion on the tariffs?”
“ I find them amusing.” says Lacey. “I hate the suffering they’ll cause. But I find them hilarious.”
“Everyone gets a tariff!” says Lem.
Lacey laughs. “ I don’t understand.”
“It’s a strategy.” says Lem.
Lacey laughs.
“See…they’re very sophisticated Lacey!” says Lem.
“Would I understand it if I was better at math?” says Lacey.
Lem laughs. “No!”
“It’s tariffs.” says Lacey.
“Well…we’re buying and selling things and that’s what they choose to call it.” says Lem.
“How sophisticated!” says Lacey.
“Yes, we’re having a bit of a dalliance.” says Lem.
“With tariffs!” says Lacey.
“Yes, it does seem as though it would probably be at Trump thing because it’s become quite passionate.” says Lem.
“Were were they just having fun and then they couldn’t stop themselves? They did it once it was just too much fun so they just decided to keep going?” says Lacey.
“Do they seem like they’re having fun?” says Lem.
“To be really honest? Yes.” says Lacey.
“What if what you’re saying is true?” says Lemz. “But they’re too intellectually silly and immature to realize that, even though they pretend otherwise, adamantly.”
“I’m not convinced that that’s not part of it psychologically and I’m completely serious I feel like maybe they thought that it made sense but then part of them was just having fun making a tariff.” says Lacey.
“I kind of wonder myself.” says Lem.
“ I mean I can see your strategy slightly but then at the same time I think these people are being so cagey about it why what are they hiding? And I worry that it was really gratifying for some reason to be so tough and get such a response from people, and they just kept going.” says Lacey.
“ yeah.” says Lem.
“ you know that’s kind of funny though and I am I’m sorry I’m not looking forward to what’s going to happen but I’m I’m starting to get a sense of humor about it. I mean the buildings in downtown St. Paul are abandoned and that’s actually really weird but no one notices that. And then they’re building new buildings and I don’t know why it’s just so totally disorganized, and yet my entire life I feel like people have been saying to me every time I protest. Oh no, this makes sense Lacey you’re not picking up on anything weird nothing strange is happening. This all makes sense. Trust me you just don’t get it. And I’m starting to realize that that’s probably not true and that somehow I was picking up on something and I’m just loving and loving the tariffs because it’s exactly exactly what I would’ve expected to have happen.” says Lacey.
“ when did you first start to catch all that something was really weird?” says Lem.
“ I think I started to notice when I was in the seventh grade and I noticed before that, but I really started to notice in the seventh grade because somethings just were too freaking weird. Like my French teacher who had a toiletry bag full of nonsense that she kept in the front of the classroom and then she barely wore any make up and she looked awful and everyone was impressed by her the way that they were supposed to be impressed by frankly me, but frankly other people to probably I was not that ugly and I came from a nice family, and they let this hideous looking woman bless her heart With a Lancome bag full of toothbrushes and press that and she was so cheerful and hyper friendly about it you know what I’d be loved and it was just too fucking weird because I thought this doesn’t make sense. Why are all of these stupid teenagers doing this this doesn’t make any sense you’re supposed to be being nicer to me and you’re supposed to be absolute bitches to her if you’re serious about all of the things that you’ve been bullying me, saying for the last 10 years of my life if you people weren’t just full of it, you should we be nicer to me, and far bitchier to her. And it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it actually is because there was something very off about it.”
“Yeah. Jack fucked with reality.” says bill Gates in the future.
“Why?” says a poor white southerner.
“He couldn’t handle being shot. …And he felt really mad at Lem.” says a dead reader.
“So he screwed up the game?” says a gamer.
“He messed with the game. Yes. He literally rewrote the game. …Just to get even.” says a dead gamer.
Another dead gamer laughs. “It’s like he added WEIRD shit!”
“How weird?” asks a poor southerner woman.
“A duck pond. …Super Mario Brothers. 1996. …Random duck pond. …A DUCK POND.” says a man.
“Are you supposed to jump over it?” asks a man.
“Umm…you’re supposed to fly over it like a duck. …But first you have to find the duck wings.” says a man. “And in order to do that…you have eat…bricks. And that part is…WEIRD. He made it so that if you press the joystick backwards…REALLY HARD while slapping the controller…a giant mouth appears. And then you use that to eat the bricks. And then you’re stuck with this mouth…and these wings…for the rest of the game. …Oh. I think you have to press A. And go backwards.” says a woman.
“Can you play the game?” asks a man.
“Not easily. The mouth blocks the flow. You have to go really slowly.” says a woman. “And the duck wings don’t do anything after the pond.” She thinks. “It ruins the game. You can finish it. But essentially the level is just…ruined.”
“What does finding Lacey do?” asks an actress.
“Well…she’s like a cheat sheet. An online cheat sheet. …So…you can see what the game was supposed to look like. But…that’s about all.” she says.
“And we all thought the duck pond was normal.” says a man.
“Yes.” she says.
“It’s not as personal to us as it is to her and Lem.” says a man. “So they’re devastated. …But…I’m enjoying her meekness. Because it makes me feel…amused. Life isn’t…the end. OBVIOUSLY.”
“So…what the hell!?” says a woman. “What the HELL was the point? Just to piss us off!?”
“I think…yeah? …I think we’re supposed to feel really sorry.” says a man.
“But we didn’t even know!!!?!?” says a woman.
“I think he was too evil, stupid and irrational to think that through.” says a woman.
“Why a duck pond?” asks a comedian.
“Because…he was shot??? …I think…he’s trying to say something? …Because people shoot ducks?” she says.
“So it’s symbolic.” says a man.
“YES!” she says.
“FUCK!!” says an investor.
“What the hell was he saying?” says a woman.
“That…we’re…dumb too?” says a woman.
“Mmm. No. …That…we can’t…shoot him…because…we’re forced to be ducks too.” she says.
“NO!
Because the game is ruined.” says a man.
“Is it a reference to immigration?” asks a Black woman.
“Yes.” says a dead woman.
“Oh! Because we’re crossing the pond!?” says a woman.
“Yes.” says a dead woman.
“So…we cross the pond…and then…what?” says a woman laughing.
“We…are supposed to be REALLY ANGRY. …I think…he’s saying that…he’s going to ruin America.” says a man.
“Huh.” says Bill Gates. “Welp. …He sort of did.”
“Why a duck pond?” asks a woman.
“Because he thinks he’s smarter than he is. And he thinks a duck pond blends in. …And…that’s not that dumb. …Except…people don’t actually think that way. And he’s too dumb to know that. So…it’s just weird and confusing.” he says.
“So we’re supposed to notice it’s kinda weird…or not?” says a woman.
“Yes. And no.” says Bill.
“This is a great analogy!” says a man.
“Anyway. Goodnight.” says Lem.
“Where are we? With the tariffs?” asks a reader.
“We’re stuck. Because Elon Musk keeps trying to go fast. …And we can’t. …And…essentially we’re just stuck watching him play. …He’s determined to make the level make sense. So…he keeps falling. But…he’s determined. And we’re just…watching.” says a dead woman.
“He’s trying to use the wings?” says a woman.
“Yes. And they don’t work. But he thinks they should. …We might be okay? But…” says a woman.
“Goodnight.” says Lem.
Keen to Cross the Pond 