“Your World!!” by Lem

Lacey was going to post a satirical account of Jack and I but I’m not sure if people can handle it. What you refused to accept is that I was straight and everything else flows from that fountain. I wasn’t bisexual at all.  There are bisexuals who think they’re straight who think everyone’s bisexual but in reality, they are not everybody. 

Why does this matter so much? Well because you people who are attacking her are ruining the world. …And for whatever reason…my orientation is incredibly important to you.

(Adult content below)

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes as edited by Henry Mancini plays.

It’s 1962.

In the Kennedy Administration.

Jack Kennedy waltzes in. J…F…K.

Jack…Kennedy.

“Well HIYAH!” he says, grinning. Mouth open wide. Showing off his teeth.

“Jack…” says Jackie, walking in quickly to his side. All smiles. “Lover…can you fill in these dates for me? …I need to know when we can go to the Masterson’s this spring. …On Cape May. …They’ve been pestering us for months!”

Jack looks instantly pissed-off. …How dare his wife Jackie…bother HIM! He has important things to do!!! This…silly stuff!? *eye-roll*

“Okay. FINE!! …Do what you like!!” he says, genuinely really annoyed by her.

All the Things You Are as edited Henry Mancini plays.

“Jack…it’s just…I need to know…when you’ll be available.” pleads Jackie, painfully forcing herself to smile like she’s not ready to have another nervous breakdown from Jack’s abusive behavior.

He rolls his eyes. Snarls. Rolls his eyes again. Leans back against the desk in the Oval Office. Really rolls his eyes. And then laughs at her like she’s just a “silly little woman” after all…and maybe he can tolerate her massive stupidity if he just forces himself like a saint in his own imagination to keep a really good sense of humor about her woeful inadequacies as a so-called human.

“Sure!” he says with a laugh, grabbing the paper.

Romeo and Juliet (Love Theme) as edited by Henry Mancini plays.

“I just don’t understand why you can’t…think of these things yourself!” he says in his Boston accent, still really annoyed.

He sits down at the desk in the Oval Office and reads her writing. She’s written down a list of dates…with notes next to them explaining why each one is a good and bad idea both. She spent hours and hours researching things and calling people to get that much information. And then she wrote it all down. As neatly as possible. As thoughtfully as possible.

Dear Heart as edited Henry Mancini plays.

Jack grumpily reads over the paper. He exhales sharply. Swallows. Blinks. Looks irritated.

He laughs again to himself.

“Why don’t we just go when Fred Masterson suggested we go!?” he says, condescendingly.

“Because Helen said that’s not really when he actually wants us going!” says Jackie, forcing herself to be brave and question him slightly.

“Since when did Fred ever cause that many problems for Helen?

Fred is a friend of mine from Harvard! Jackie…clearly Fred wants us there when he asked us to come!” he says to her like she’s STUPID and like…so problematic.

“Oh…I know you and Fred go way back…but heavens had those health problems of Helene are bothering them both! And lately Jack…Fred just isn’t as relaxed as he was when you knew him at Harvard! …Jack they have four kids now!” says Jackie.

Jack considers it. Looks gloomy. Looks annoyed. Looks…really irritated.

“I mean, of course if you want to go in March on Thursday the 29th there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it…as it’s your time that’s more important than anyone’s…and I know that.” says Jackie.

He looks thoughtful and happier.

“Just do whatever you think is best to do. I hate having to treat you like you’re a little girl Jackie.

I am incredibly busy today!” says Jack.

She sighs. Nods. “Jack I only have one more question for you!” 

“Alright fine!! Then speak up!” says Jack Kennedy, in his Boston accent, crossing his legs and his arms, as he sits down in a huge huff.

Standing tall and prim, to seem impressive to him, “May I take the plane to Paris next Thursday?” 

He thinks. “ I only have so much to spend Jackie!! What does Mr. Dior expect of you!? To to buy his entire collection?”

She closes her eyes. “It’s just a dress!!” she says, now annoyed herself. 

Being a narcissist bisexual Jack understands. He looks worried.

“Well…there’s no way I can ask my father for my money!” he says, freaking out.

“No…Jack that’s not true. Dad has a lot of money that he’s willing to give us in an emergency.” says Jackie.

“Yes…Jackie, you often remind me of that.” he says, laughing at her.

“Well…I can’t help it if I’m slim and fit.” she says daring to flirt with him. “Jack…people expect me to look good!” she says, sexually, trying to arouse him.

Feeling aroused and less angry he relaxes. “Well…I suppose we can find the money somehow!” he says.

Pink Panther Theme by Henry Mancini plays.

“Goody!!” she says. She excitedly walks over to him…throws her arms around his neck. Kisses him. “Pappy is a very wealthy man!” she says trying to sound sexy to Jack.

Jack giggles, feeling confident.

“YAS!” he says in his crap, thick Boston accent, that he lacked enough self-awareness to ever hear.

Ebullient he dismisses her.

Lem walks in. Tall. Straight. Recovering from a night of heavy drinking. He’s smoking. And he’s prancing with his legs like he’s gay. And it’s comical. Because it’s exaggerated. Just a bit too much.

He sharply almost twirls toward Jack…shutting his eyes…because the morning light in the Oval Office hurts. Feeling like vomiting he controls himself. But it makes him seem cold like a corpse. And save for his comedic attempt to look gay he’s a rather dour individual.

Lem laughs too loudly.

A Lover’s Concerto as edited by Henry Mancini plays.

Lem laughs in a high-pitched squeal. Sure to show his teeth slightly and purse his lips like a duck a bit. Bat his eyes. And contort his hips to the left to look girly.

No. This isn’t a real exaggeration. It’s actually accurate. …You’re dumb or ignorant if you think that I’m wrong. …I’m sorry.

Lem pours himself a drink of vodka mixed with orange juice…siting on a pretty bar cart.

“Lemmers…” says Jack, like they’re living in a movie…where he’s the star and Lem is madly in love with him…but never his equal…just…so in love with him. Jack smiles fondly. Sincerely. “Lemmers…why aren’t we…fucking?” he says. He throws Lem a dirty look.

The Way We Were by Henry Mancini plays.

Jack narrows his eyes to seem SEXY. He looks…deadly serious. Trying to…simmer. Sizzle. SEDUCE.

He wants to seem…playful. So he puts his arms behind his neck. Leans back slightly. Laughs. Sticks out his legs. Pushes himself backwards with his foot against his desk. Rests his feet, crossed, on his desk.

Throws Lem…a shouldering glance.

“Do you ever think of me as James Bond?” says JFK, sincerely.

1:57

Lem looks up, rattled and nauseated. But determined to be kind he restrains himself. He quickly breathes in and out. To keep from vomiting.

A dull expression on Lem’s face. He focuses on not throwing-up.

The song ends.

Love Story by Henry Mancini plays.

Lem pushes his spectacles up his nose. Closes his asthmatic mouth. Feels like really throwing-up. Closes his eyes to concentrate on Jack’s question.

“I mean…you do bear a…striking…resemblance.” says Lem, seductively. He downs his drink. Pours himself another one.

Lem gives up. Leans against the wall. Moaning in misery. Prepared to die, if necessary.

“What’s wrong Lem!?” says JFK, totally obtusely. Dull faced. No genuine empathy. But…he sounds smart somehow still.

“ Yeah…I just…I drank way too much last night.” says Lem apologetically. 

“Hahahah!! Yeah!! COCKSUCKER!!!” says JFK, laughing at him, joyfully.

Lem tries to laugh at himself.

“Why don’t you just lay down!” says JFK, sounding kind.

Lem, really doing good acting, pulls a gay look as he rubs his forehead and winces in a pretty manner. Quivering lips. Then he walks over to the sofa and accidentally looks straight as he falls face forward with a flop. Arms and legs awkwardly sprawled around. He lets out an unattractive masculine, heterosexual grunt.

Jack is unaroused by the sounds as well.

1:57

But…Jack stares at Lem’s butt. Lem has a very attractive butt.

Being straight, never being a woman, and not being…a jerk himself…Lem didn’t realize Jack would seize this opportunity to stare at his butt. …It’s…both involuntary and intentional on Jack’s part, I suspect.

Jack ogles Lem. Half smirking and half smiling. Silently giggling as he believes no one can see him. He looks down at his desk then. In arousal, shame, and pure evil.

Lem instinctively sits up and glances over at him. With his glasses. Blinking.

“Do you want me to…suck your cock?” asks Lem…kindly.

“Not right now!” says JFK, tersely and matter-of-factly. Irritated for some reason.

The song ends.

All by Myself as edited by Henry Mancini plays.

“Look…later!” says JFK, in a thick Boston accent. “I actually have things to do right now. Jackie was just in here a few minutes ago and she was all flustered about some stupid shit with a dress.”

“Alright.

Look…I’ve got a headache! I need to take something!!” says Lem, sounding very straight.

“I don’t know what you want to goddamn take! There’s some aspirin over there!” says JFK, annoyed and motioning to an end table.

Lem goes up and gets it. Looking awful.

“What were you drinking last night buddy anyway?” says JFK, very condescendingly. He laughs at Lem.

Misty by Henry Mancini plays.

“AHH…let’s see! I first started off with a Chardonnay at dinner. …And then I had scotch twice. …And then I drink that whole glass of vodka!

You saw it!” says Lem, yes, sounding entirely heterosexual.

“I’m not watching you all of the fucking time.

You shouldn’t drink so much!!! GEEZ!!” says JFK, condescendingly and sincerely.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” says Lem. He sits down. Leans back.

Jack stands up. Laughing.

Jack puts The Twist by Chubby Checker on, loud. Laughing. Laughing so hard he falls forward. Cracks himself up. Falls on the ground. Rolls on his back laughing.

1:40

He becomes suddenly serious. Stares up at the ceiling of the Oval Office.

Lem just ignores it all. Lays down.

Jack looks freaked out though.

The song ends.

“SUCK MY COCK NOW!!!” yells Jack.

Lem bolts up. In shock. Mouth hanging open. Baffled.

“They’ll hear you!!” Lem whispers, in a panic.

Jack cries and shrugs. He scoots his butt backwards and rests on a wall. Looking like he’s having a panic attack.

“Jack, what’s wrong?!?” asks Lem, worried.

“I don’t know! I just feel…ahhh…lightheaded!” says JFK.

“Oh okay! Well…why don’t you lie down!!” says Lem, sounding gay now. He forces himself up.

Jack shakes his head no.

Lem rolls his eyes out of Jack’s sight. Downs his drink quickly.

“Look…you wanna fuck? We can fuck. …But I’ve got a headache.” says Lem, irritated. He turns towards Jack.

Jack smokes. “I don’t want to ask my dad for money. …Jackie has me all wound up. That’s all!” says Jack.

Lem looks sad. Rubs his face.

“Jack…I can’t talk about this right now. …We set your budget. …Jackie didn’t need five more dresses this spring.” says Lem.

“I DON’T HAVE A BUDGET!!!” wails Jack.

Lem ignores him.

“I’m the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, Lem!!! …Presidents of the United States don’t have budgets!!! …DEAL WITH IT!!!” yells JFK, standing-up.

And at that Jack tries to punch Lem in the face.

Lem ducks. Picks Jack up. Throws him on the sofa.

Jack quickly takes off his pants. Manically.

Lem stands there.

“Do it!!! SUCK ME NOW!!!” yells JFK.

“Alright.” says Lem, without excitement. He takes off his shoes. Lowers himself to his knees. Jack looks…hyper.

Jack lays back and spreads his legs in anticipation. Arms stretched out. Pants off. Socks on. Suit coat on. For some reason. He looks…psychotic.

“COME ON LEM!!!” he yells, losing patience.

Lem takes off his glasses. Sits them on the coffee table. Takes a deep breath. Focuses.

Takes a second to think to prepare himself.

Jack, practically foams at the mouth.

No. This is accurate. Sorry.

Lem closes his eyes and leans forward. Cold as ice. Methodically. Jack pushes him off. In sexual frustration and hurt. Begins violently masturbating himself, in exasperation.

Lem laughs. Like a gay man. Leans back. Pushes his glasses up his nose. Does a gay laugh.

“Fuck you!! I don’t have time for this!” says Jack.

Lem shrugs.

“I have a headache Jack, I feel like vomiting!!!” says Lem, to explain.

“Yeah sure you have a headache just when I need you, you little piece of shit!!” yells JFK at Lem. “Why did you even come in here this morning?!? Damn you…you little fucker from Hell!”

Jack gets himself hard.

“Now you suck that, you little son of a bitch!” says JFK, enraged.

Lem laughs. Shrugs. “I’ll have to go slowly this morning or do you want me to throw-up all over you in the sofa!?”

“I want you to get me off! Damn you! It’s not that difficult! I’d do it myself if I could just lean forward enough!” says JFK.

Lem nods his head. “Look let me just get someone else in here to do it for you. OK!? Just hang on!”

“No. I want you to do it now!! YOU LITTLE FUCKING TRAMP!!” yells JFK.

Lem breathes through his mouth. Winces in misery. And then with his real PTSD from being molested and heterosexual he almost vomits. Catches it in mouth.

“Geez!!!” says Lem. He stands-up. Grabs a blanket. Covers Jack.

“Look…I’ll-I’ll just have to do it-to do it later or you know…later this week or something OK?” says Lem, very sweetly.

He walks out of the office.

“Where is Jack’s friend?” says Lem to Mrs. Lincoln.

“Ahh…his friend! Oh his friend!? His friend Lem!? …Lem which friend are you talking about?” she says scared, irritated and confused.

“Hey…get Sam on the phone!” says Lem.

Baby Elephant Walk by Henry Mancini plays.

Lem wiggles slightly as he quickly walks down the hall. Breathing quickly. Breathing through his mouth. Asthmatic. Scared.

“Jackie!!” he says to her. “Jack has a problem.” he says to her as she sits with a female reporter near a fireplace.

She looks annoyed.

“Lem I’m busy right now! Mr. Billings you are going to have to solve your problems for yourself!” says Jackie.

Lem nods silently. Still breathing through mouth.

Lem walks into the Oval Office. Vomits.

Lem vomits all over the floor.

Three times.

Mrs. Lincoln who’s amazingly not startled to see JFK sitting on the sofa half naked covered with a blanket, does freak out over Lem’s vomit.

“MR. BILLINGS!!” she says, disgusted.

Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis plays.

Lem vomits again.

“DAMMIT!!!!” yells Mrs. Lincoln racing out to get a janitor.

Jack starts laughing. In a posh…sort of British manner.

“That’s alright. …He didn’t mean it. …REALLY!” he says with a grin and a sparkle in his blue eyes to Mrs. Lincoln.

Jack keeps laughing it off. Like the charming star of show. Devilish. Relaxed. COOL.

You Make Me Feel So Young by Frank Sinatra plays.

“We STINK!” he says to Mrs. Lincoln.

Mrs. Lincoln laughs with Jack Kennedy. Charmed by him.

“Mr. President…I’m just glad it’s not you who’s sick.” she says, laughing. “It’s alright…Oscar will be in soon to clean it up.”

“Oh alright. Thanks!!” says JFK.

Lem freaks out. Jack is cold.

“Hey. …I can’t help it!!” says Lem, desperately.

“Yeah. You sad son of a bitch!” says JFK, staring down at his desk.

1:50

“I’m sorry. …Look…let’s just finish off later!” says Lem.

“You wish!! You little faggot!” says JFK, enraged.

“Hey. I’m sorry!!!” says Lem.

“Think nothing of it!! …Just get me wasted!!!” says JFK. “Look…I’m in a bad place. In my head today. …Try to be more…thoughtful.”

“Yeah!!” says Lem. “I’ll call your doctor. Sam is on the way.”

“SAM!?” says Jack.

“Yeah!!!” says Lem.

Jack grins. Laughs. “Were you drinking with that bastard last night? At Sherry’s?”

“No! …He just flew up from Virginia’s coast! He’s been swimming all week!” says Lem cheerfully.

“Oh!! …Say!!! …He’ll be in a good mood.” says JFK, perking up. “Is he bringing Debrah!?”

“Yeah. He always brings her.” says Lem.

“Don’t be jealous. You had your chance!” says JFK, laughing.

So…Jack shoots up. Gets high. And has a threesome with Deborah and Sam.

I’d have written the methodical sex scene with Lem but Lem threw-up.

“Yeah. This is pretty close to reality. Or it’s exactly what happened. Verbatim.

I was…not throwing him on the sofa to fuck him. He punched me. …Or tried to. So I needed to get him off of me. …In physical self defense. …And I didn’t want to throw him on the floor too hard. …I really threw him. And he landed on the sofa.” says Lem. “I had no intention to fuck him. He…had me trained to do it. Mindlessly in a way. But it was gross to me. …I genuinely was like a slave. It was a horrific life.” says Lem. “We meant for a different story to be written today…but we got attacked and this was what emerged. And now you’ll insist I was aroused when I threw him on the sofa. …I was not. At all.

What would have happened was he would have sat there while I just went up and down. …Touched his penis with my hand.

I wasn’t sexual about it. …I was clinical. …But he didn’t care. Maybe he even thought it was better that way. He could feel straight. …Or maybe he had no idea how much he covered for my lack of interest by being so adamant about being straight. And I certainly didn’t know that until I died.

“I actually think that it’s highly unlikely that you weren’t bisexual. Even if you were in love with him I think you just had a very strong sense of honor and I don’t know if you just were scared of women or what. But if you were straight, I actually-that’s fine-

And that’s the thing it’s like maybe he’s just with a woman now and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. 

Did you when you were giving him oral sex put thought into it when she says methodical does she mean like asexual or does she mean that it was just thought through because you weren’t really in love the way that some people are or you had been but then you fell out of love. What does that mean?” says Logan.

“She means that it was methodical, and in a sexual sense. Part of what you’re sensing is her sadness and you’re interpreting it sadly through a narcissistic lens and so you’re giving it meaning to you when she’s the one that has the meaning. Why is she sad? Well…because she actually loves me. And that’s the kind of love that we have. So to her because she wasn’t there she thinks, ‘Well I mean OK I wasn’t there ultimately we’re together he was lonely he didn’t know that I existed at least not completely if at all, he was trying to be happy and it just was that bad!?’ And yes, it was that bad. I was genuinely 100% straight. And so it was an asexual sexual act. I was driving no pleasure from it other than getting him off my back so to speak.

It’s not that she wants me to be gay. It’s not that she wants me to be with other people. Rather it’s that she cares about me. Does that make sense?” says Lem.

“So you gave him oral sex without any passion at all!?” says Erin.

“Yeah that’s possible and I did it!” says Lem.

“But you never made him cum!? You made him cum because he wanted it but you never made him cum?” says Jeffrey Sachs.

“Yes!” says Lem. “No…I never tried to make him cum in like a sexual masculine way. It was always more sort of like a science project.”

“Is that really you?” says Jeffrey.

“Yes it is Jeffrey! Are you friends with Bobby?” says Lem.

“Yes, I am and you’re right I’m making an ass of myself because of that friendship right now.” says Jeffrey.

“ that’s embarrassing because I actually think you’re a very intelligent person and I mean it’s embarrassing because I ate I don’t feel any pride about the fact that I knew that family anymore so I’m sorry I think Lacey thinks I should’ve just killed him or found someway to fix the situation, instead of fixing it the way that I did, and by the way, what I was doing, was sort of a survival of the fittest thing where I thought that it made sense to let him destroy himself using drugs.

Those boys got that impression for me David once said that he was going to take archaeology at Harvard for dummies. That’s where he got the idea because he was actually very unusual, intelligent. The way that he umm…the way, that he analyzed history was very intelligent. he got the idea that he was an idiot from me.

I literally told him that it was survival of the fittest, and that him and his brothers were idiots for using drugs.

“So…you were straight?” asks the CIA.

“Yes.” says Lem.

“Seriously?!” says a Millennial guy.

“Yup.” says Lem.

“Why is Lacey so smug about looking better than me?” says Alanis Morrisette.

“Because she’s…angry. …And she’s mad at you…for being mad at her…for being better looking than you.” says Lem.

“Lem do gay men use you to seem straight?” asks Bobby.

“Yes.” says God. “But they’ll hardly ever see that or admit it.”

“So he’s their…cover?” says a man.

“Yes. He was and is.” says God.

“How did you desexualize it?” says Jeffrey Sachs.

“It’s very easy!! You just need to dissociate.” says Lem.

“So…you just…zoned out.” says Jeffrey. “Did you enjoy drugs because they helped you finally really zone out?”

“Yes.” says Lem. “In a way.”

“No. It’s possible.” says Lacey, sweetly.

“Are you showing off with you pastries?” says a man who follows her on Instagram.

“My gosh. I can’t answer that. …Not really.” says Lacey. “I mean…no. But…it’s a privilege. So…”

“Why doesn’t Lem’s…touching Jack…bother you?” asks Jeffrey. “It’s pathetic.”

“Yes. …But there’s a person inside of Lem. And I love him.” says Lacey.