There’s nothing Lacey can do to convince Chris Hayes and Erin…and their posse that she’s remotely intelligent. They can mostly be convinced she’s pretty. And…maybe upper class Old Money. Maybe a nice person. But they just can’t take her seriously as a person…because they’re CONVINCED she’s incredibly unintelligent.
She could say literally the same things as Harvard economists and work at Harvard…and they’d still be CONVINCED she’s an idiot. Totally convinced.
It’s because she’s genuinely conservative. …And they tend to truly believe…all conservatives are dumb. …Genuinely stupid. As in…scientifically unintelligent. …Yes…it’s hard to believe they’re that backward. But they are.
And part of Lacey’s attack is that David Pitts is a pseudo-intellectual. Sadly. And…they are too.
Lacey’s not dumb. She’s just conservative.
“So do you think Lem was in love with Jack?” asks a man.
“Not really.” she says after reading the book in an alternate universe. “In 2009.”
“Yeah. I think they were just friends too.” says a woman.
“I think they…had some sexual…contact? But I don’t think Jack was….with him.” says Lacey.
“Why?” asks a woman.
“Lem’s…not…in a functional relationship with Jack.” says Lacey.
Everyone goes quiet.
“What’s a functional relationship though?” says a woman.
“I just mean…on a basic level. …Like…food, shelter, water level.” says Lacey.
“But they could have carried on!” says a Boomer. “Without it being consistent!”
“Not…really. …There’s something…fishy about it.” says Lacey.
Everyone is offended but goes quiet. Rolling their eyes inside.
“I mean if I wanted pussy I’d get it!” suddenly says a gay man, loudly, offended.
Lacey is baffled.
“Do you understand why he said that?!?” says the Boomer.
“No!!” says Lacey.
“Okay!?” says a cool Millennial woman.
The Boomer man looks hurt.
“I’m not offended.” says the gay man, laughing. He walks off, looking offended.
“THEY ARE OFFENDED!!” yells a British man at Lacey.
“Why?” she says.
He thinks.
“You’re telling them the truth.” he says sadly.
Lacey panics. Tries to calm herself.
“So they don’t want to…be told that?” says Lacey.
He thinks.
“Well…I mean…are you Lem Billings?” he says.
Lacey goes into mild shock. Like she’s been caught. She thinks.
“Hmm.
Well…if I was…I’d probably be…his…secret wife. Or something.
*she reads his face to look for a reaction*
*sensing she’s safe she continues*
And…I’d only be sharing it to be helpful.” she says.
He thinks. In mild shock himself.
“Do you mean it?!?” he says to her.
“Mean what!?” she says.
He doesn’t know what to say.
“But what if you are!?” he says. 
She thinks. “Well then I suppose it’s like what I said.“
“He could’ve been straight!” he says.
Lacey thinks. Suddenly made aware.
“Why are they so attached to that narrative?” says Lacey.
He thinks.
“I think to them it means that there’s somebody who would understand them who’s been in a position of great privilege. That’s how they see the Kennedys. That they were in a position of enormous privilege and so just by being in association with them even like Lem, you suddenly are enormously privileged!” says the man.
“But Jack was obviously a homosexual to at least some degree!” says Lacey.
He laughs and nods.
And then he freaks out.
“And have you read the book?” he says.
“Yes, yes I’ve read it.” says Lacey.
He thinks.
“And you’re convinced Jack was bisexual.” he says.
“I think he would’ve had to have been. I don’t think there’s any way that anything would make sense unless if he was.” says Lacey.
“Are you homosexual?” he says.
“No, no.” says Lacey.
“So you’re worried and you feel the need to say something?” he says.
Lacey looks stunned. Has to think.
“Well where are they going with this?” says Lacey.
“I hear you!” he says.
“I mean, unless if they really want to actually analyze Jack’s orientation from an intelligent, in-depth, genuinely intellectual perspective I don’t see why they’re bothering quite so damn much.” says Lacey.
“Well what’s the worst that could happen?” he says.
“I don’t know, but there is something about it that is really deeply concerning to me. It just seems like the kind of intellectual nonsense that could easily cause chaos.” says Lacey.
He nods his head.
“Yeah…and you’re right!” he says.
“Well I just felt the need to say something because I’m here right now, I’m American and it just seems like my responsibility to say something.” says Lacey.
“Well Mrs. Billings I don’t think they’re listening.” he says.
“What are they doing?” says Lacey.
“I think you and I both know that there are many flaws in this country and that a lot of it is just run by greed.” he says.
Lacey thinks. “But that’s not what people who died for the country thought it was. …And then I start to think that there’s two different countries. The country that should exist, and the one that does. And the one that should exist is the one that has to exist, or the one that does will just become nothing.” says Lacey.
He looks surprised.
“Where’d you go to school?” he says, with a smile.
Lacey laughs. Smiles. Silently.
“I went to Oxford!” he says.
“Oh really Oxford?” says Lacey.
“Hmm.” he says.
They stand in silence.
“Oxford is a very good school.” he says. 
“I feel a certain sort of loyalty to Oxford for some reason and I don’t know why but all of Great Britain us a place that I feel a great amount of love for.” says Lacey.
He stands in silence.
“I don’t hate America. I care about the country and I just I hope that something I said will be of some good to somebody.” says Lacey.
“Do you know what I mean by they’re not listening?” he says.
“Not entirely.” says Lacey.
“They’re not hearing your message, they’re not hearing what you’re saying. See…they want to understand but they’re not they’re not listening.” he says.
“But what if I really am Lem’s wife?” says Lacey, panicking. “And what if I have to tell them that or I’ll feel burdened for eternity, because I know for a fact that he was straight, and that the whole entire thing is some perverse misunderstanding?” 
“But they’re not hearing you.” he says.
“Where is the line between my responsibility to tell them and their responsibility to listen?!” says Lacey.
He thinks. “I would try telling someone over there one more time and then I would just give up.” 
“That’s not bad advice. Thank you.” says Lacey.
“You know you’re reincarnated if such a thing exists you’re obviously British.” he says.
“I was very abused by my parents so there’s either something messed up in my head where I seem like I was reincarnated and I wasn’t or if I was I had I have I have no idea what to say to that anymore. I’m sorry.” says Lacey. “I would have to say that if there is reincarnation, it would have to be in Christianity, though. Christianity is an ancient religion and people forget that.”
“No, you’re probably right!” he says.
“And maybe doesn’t exist anyway but thank you for talking.” says Lacey.
She walks off.
“Well that was a very fruitless conversation!” she says to the barista.
They look confused.
“Well I think those people were just annoyed.” he says.
“You know I think Lem was possibly heterosexual and confused…and maybe he was molested.” says Lacey. “And I think that Jack is the one that they should’ve focused on as the obvious non-straight person.” 
He sighs. “I mean, that could be true!” he says.
“ yeah and then that’s where I get angry because I don’t think that people were taking what I said seriously.  And I wish people would take me more seriously.“ says Lacey.
Keen to Cross the Pond 