“Scot…land”

Spectre by OTON plays.

“I feel the portal to Hell here. Of the entire world.” says Lacey Banks who’s possibly Scotia.

“THE ENTIRE WORLD!?” says King Charles III.

“YES!!!” yells Queen Elizabeth I.

“Why…was it abandoned?” says Lacey.

“It doesn’t feel that…dark?” says King Charles III.

“It wouldn’t.” says Satan. “I’m in love with her. Especially if she’s Scotia.”

Nothin’ by N. O. R. E. plays.

“I stole your watch, Lem.” says JFK with his scrawny body, and huge hair…in a pair of pleated khakis. And suddenly…you understand why the Millennials…hated that look.

2:01

He looks like Geraldo Rivera…except not at all hot. …Eww.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?” yells Kathryn at Lem.

“My wife is not my watch!” says Lem to JFK.

3:30

“Jack…they shot you!! You don’t have the BK, homeboy.” says Elliott.

The song replays. Louder. More bass.

“It’s a portal to Hell.” says Satan. He shrugs. “It’s…pretty. …But…it’s a straight shot.”

“Yeah!! I’m interested in her. …If there’s not reincarnation. And…that’s between me and God.” says Emperor Constantine to Lem.

“Why is there a portal here?” says Lacey.

“It’s right here!” says Satan.

The song replays. Lacey dances to it. As spiritual warfare.

“It’s very sci-fi.” says Satan.

And it is. It looks like a weird waterfall.

“It’s a nice portal. …Most psychics would never feel it.” says Satan. “It’s…very nice.”

“Why there!?” says a man.

2:44

“Lem. Sucking Jack’s cock. Literally.” says Satan.

Lem is forced to face his massive embarrassment. To himself.

4:00

The song ends.

“It’s…fine. Right Lem?” says Kathryn, sarcastically. “No big deal!”

The portal fascinates Lacey.

“So…why!?” she says to Satan.

“Honestly…he just scientifically created it. Involuntarily.” says Satan, shrugging. “It’s a funny thing. …Umm…I travel through it. Lots of the higher ranking members of Hell do. …There’s one or two other elite tunnels. One is in Dubai. And one is in China. And one is here. And…that’s actually all. …We just prefer to take these elevators if you will…because they’re…nice. Not a lot of ick. Just…almost like being around before the fall. Quiet. Pleasant music. Climate controlled. Smooth! Very nice smells! …I like it. …So do lots of us.” says Satan.

“When was it created?” asks King Charles III.

“1953.” says Satan. “After the wedding. The first time a Lem did it. And…knew he shouldn’t. But…his alternatives were killing himself or killing Jack. And…he chose to just do it. And try to explain it to himself. …He was straight. And of course we all knew that. So…this was created. If he’d been gay…*Satan laughs* we’d have had no grounds to even be mad at him at all. Mad…in a way people don’t often understand. And don’t try to! Unless you’re literally as intelligent and well educated as Lacey. …But yeah…being a heterosexual he should not have done that. That was…extremely serious.” says Satan.

“Well DUH!!” says Donald Trump Junior.

Satan nods.

“So…if I’m understanding this correctly…being an actual heterosexual or an actual homosexual matters?” says JD Vance.

“Yes.” says Satan.

“So that’s where the gay community is basically just retarded.” says Logan.

Kathryn nods.

“You can never have consensual normal sex with a kid, with a child. It’s totally impossible.” says Lacey.

God nods.

“ And but because of the consensual, or potentially consensual nature of homosexuality, I’m not convinced 100% that it’s wrong or not permissible. And that’s a very strict view of the Bible. And so even the most conservative person would have to take what I’m saying seriously or they would be intellectually dishonest. I so it’s possible that when God says in the Bible, you’re not supposed to do that he doesn’t mean actual homosexual’s. He means people like lab, male and female, who are going against their natural desires. And I I would like to know the hermeneutics of that all of that, and they know the origins of those words but that would take a lot of research, which is part of the reason why I’m so hesitant and why I don’t appreciate people like you who want to force me to think something because that’s wrong.

The best I can do is to say that if you are homosexual and you know you’re one for sure it may not be the same thing as someone who’s doing it against their will, Oregon Scottsville for how he created them we could probably say. And that’s where I get irritated by Lady Gaga and people who are arrogant and full of shit like that.

Because you sing songs like I was born this way. But then you don’t really want to stay true to that. Do you want to shove that in my face and demand that I accept you that way but then you don’t wanna have to be intellectually honest when it comes down to the wire. People could actually be poor in that way, and then they can’t get out of it get a fucking clue!

So if you look gay and you are gay, that makes sense! And if you don’t look gay and you think you are, maybe there’s something wrong. If you think you’re gay, but you look bisexual, you could be confused and actually be bisexual. If you look straight though, and you think you’re not, maybe you’re confused. I and that’s why when people kept hearing me, interpret him as straight all these years based on his body and his sort of involuntary movements, they should probably have taken that more seriously.

Because if you’re born that way, and I can tell what people look like maybe I am onto something hey!” says Lacey, mockingly.

“ she’s right it is that serious it is that aggravating.” says Lem.

“ so basically a porthole to hell was created by Lem’s when he in 1953 chose to give Jack oral pleasure after Jack was married. And yes, part of the reason why is because it fool jack and fools a lot of gay people not Lacey but a lot of homosexuals have been very fool by that because they don’t understand why a straight man would ever do something like that because they’re backward most people are Lacey’s not but most people are two backwards understand how complex somethings are, and how not complex other things can be.

So there’s no way he could have smiled at Jack’s wedding if he was anything other than heterosexual. And it sounds so simplistic that a lot of people who aren’t as sophisticated as Lacey don’t understand. But Lacey, is someone who wears vanilla because she has brown eyes and she’s curvy and tender and so she knows that men will read that as being extremely arousing if it’s the right vanilla. And that’s actually very sophisticated people like Franny don’t understand that. It might be that some dumb woman somewhere thought it was a good idea and that’s understandably annoying but the concept itself isn’t stupid. And Lacey is very sophisticated. So a lot of her ideas to some people like Franny or Chris were very bourgeois sound stupid but they’re not they’re brilliant. I N so you have to be careful, because sometimes it can be deceiving. I am Lacey‘s father was like that Lacey could be like that, but she tries very hard not to be. It’s extremely deceiving do use vanilla because it seems stupid but it’s not. And in the past people, but I thought it was stupid, but nowadays they do. And so no lame couldn’t have been gay at all, because he just was too happy and relaxed and composed and not sad enough at Jack’s wedding. It’s just it’s psychologically impossible.

But understanding why a man who is straight would put himself through the process of giving a man oral sex who’s married makes complete sense to Lacey, but it’s very psychologically complicated and so most people can’t understand it. Because it’s obviously it’s all it was obviously disgusting tell him I’m obviously wasn’t really enjoying himself, and he has said that for years that he threw up sometimes afterwards, he literally did he literally would vomit after giving Jack oral sex. He literally would vomit for being so grossed out. He literally was too grossed out and he told you guys that over a year ago but you didn’t really hear it because you don’t want to hear it because then she’s smarter than you and you don’t like that.

So no, he threw up frequently and we’re telling you that. I am, but then you think fine why would he do that though after he was married? Because Linn knew that that was wrong. They were married, and he was excited for them to be married. The end no that’s not how it works. He just made certain allowances for the situation, and he actually was scared of Jack. Sincerely, he was worried that Jack was going to kill his entire family. Bobby doesn’t understand that so you can’t trust Bobby to know that about his own family he may not know. They kept them hostage. They threatened Lem’s‘s life. They threatened his family‘s life and so because he thought he was gay. He didn’t have a good objection in his own mind enough to not do it so it’s like I’m trying to be loving to this person homosexuality is never going to be good as heterosexuality and I don’t want my family to be killed so even though Jack’s married, I guess I’ll just have to do it. But he knew even as that was happening. That wasn’t really I mean it’s justification, but at the end of the day it was in the sacrament of marriage. And so lame really should’ve known that there was no justification and that it actually was time to kill Jack or kill himself. Probably just kill Jack though. Yeah probably just kill Jack. but that’s the problem, so yeah he he didn’t quite get that. Because he was in a way kind of legalistic. And he thought murder would be wrong just because Jack was a cheater. At least he thought that at first eventually he realized that it might not be true that he helped the CIA kill JFK. But back then he just wasn’t sure if that was enough justification to murder Jack. Because it’s like well OK Jack is violent and he’s forcing me to do this and I’m probably going to hate myself and throw up but I’m not sure this is justification for capital punishment. And before America that might not have been perceived, that way, there are certain cultures that might’ve thought in Christianity that he should be killed. But the west is very scared to kill people. And so capital punishment is not something that the last likes to do even if it’s actually necessary for society to function. Your fairy scared to kill people pope Paul had a problem with that, and that’s the same logic that has created problems for the current pope. It’s let’s be nice let’s be nice. Let’s be nice. And that makes sense that I mean that makes sense but they take it to the point of perversity it becomes cowardice not wisdom it becomes cowardly, and then it becomes perverse. And they start to defile masculinity. And they start to tempt men to leaves of the faith. because why aren’t you allowed to think why or why is the church controlling your brain and forcing you to do things that don’t make sense to your natural Christ redeemed human body. Because, forcing people to do things in a very legalistic way, even marriage can become evil. And obviously I understand that you can’t be perfect but that’s the problem you you have to learn how to perfectly balance everything don’t you and then Esper Catholicism is a problem possibly to Christianity because you don’t want to accept Christ love because you’re scared of him, rejecting you and sending you to hell And he understands that and that could be where I went too far and it’s literally the end of the world.

Because Lacey can’t stop being scared of going to hell in a very Catholic way. And then that’s where the current pope probably needs to just die if he’s a corporate sell out hack. Who doesn’t understand that his faith is real anymore. There wasn’t something weird about his room with a window or a mirror. I was literally dragging him into hell and laughing at him, and he still has yet to fully understand that because I’ve been like Jeffrey, Sachs and Bobby, who enable each other to think that it’s all a joke because they’re stupid as fuck And they should all just be dead, potentially. And they think they found some thing that makes them better than most humans to ever live in lakes. Elsa is like a hack. These men are like uneducated housewives from the gutter in the 1950s they’re dumb as fuck. and they think they have all these hacks. Where it’s like I don’t have to think about things the way that everyone else does I don’t have to be accountable to the past because I know better I’ve got it all figured out. And I am elite and in the illuminati so clearly I am justified in doing anything I want. I can have sex with Melania Trump have a little bit of the pope on the side we can go for a dance. We can go on a yacht eat some seafood, have a little calamari and then and then will go dancing and then will go dancing with Veronica and Monica. And then maybe the pope and I can do a facemask before steering ^ two shots with Bobby and I will probably just smoke some pot go to sleep and cold day buddies. Oh, and don’t worry if the pope is necessary there is one God’s taking care of the church and butter and I have to tell you that because of how bad things are but a no if this pope was a joke, then he was a joke.

Why Veronica because she has nice boobs, and the pope isn’t completely gay he’s bisexual. Actually, he’s pansexual, but he does like women somewhat, and Verónica is really attractive. He doesn’t have sex with her with his body, but he does with his mind.

 The pope hates Lacey because she’s potentially holier than him, and it scares him shitless. 

And he’s come onto her a few times.

And she’s always resisted.

Jeffrey has come onto her a few times and she’s always resisted. Bobby has come onto her a few times and she’s always resisted.

I’ve come onto her and I have come very close to having sex with her. The only reason we haven’t is because I’m Satan. And I’m just wondering when these dumbasses are going to realize that. The only reason she hasn’t slept with me is because I’m actually Satan. And they’re actually they should be really threatened by that and angry at me but they’ll probably just invert it and get angry at her because that’s how dysfunctional and worthless they really are.

Melania did not want to have sex with any of those men yesterday, and Jeffrey should’ve known that but he was too offended by Lacey.

Melania and Lacey are similar looking. There’s evidence to suggest that they have a very similar face but Melania had plastic surgery and Lacey has not. Lacey actually is better looking than Melania, but Melania and Lacey do look something alike. And so Jeffrey, Bing, Jeffrey, and being smart to some degree convince to the pope who is able to get out of bed very briefly with Bobby to try to sleep with Melania, but that didn’t work and then the pope had to go back to bed.

Him and so then Jeffrey and Melania and Bobby took off yes using flight privileges. And and so then they ended up and I think it was Vermont or no no couldn’t of been Vermont. It was Maine. I think they were in Maine possibly they were somewhere in New England at a Whole Foods in a parking lot because the plane landed near there, and then they just decided to drive there a limousine to a Whole Foods parking lot.

Bobby is having the time of his life. Let me tell you.

Oh, and so he was in a limousine with Jeffrey Sachs and a Whole Foods parking lot with Melania Trump yes the Melania and they had been in Rome visiting the pope and checking on his welfare and then they flew back to America and decided to get busy. I guess I don’t know why, but I have a feeling it’s because Melania didn’t really want to sleep with either of them, so she talked them out of doing it on the plane. and then they got into the US landed, got into a limousine and drove to Whole Foods. They parked in the very back in a limousine. With tinted windows. With tinted windows and I think they thought that was safe somehow to have a threesome. And there was something daring about it because it was in a Whole Foods parking lot and they thought that was funny or some stupid childish reason and and they were a little drunk and I think they just assumed that no one would think anything I don’t know if they were tired, or what they were thinking. I think Bobby find stuff like that cool because it’s kind of like sadistic’s for people to sort of fool them that way, and I don’t know if the pope was actually preaching to him slightly, and he felt the need to prove himself as a bad ass, or what but they decided to try to have sex in a Whole Foods parking lot in a limousine.

I am but the Secret Service was there. Melania gave them some sort of secret signal and so the president was called and we were and we were there. I should say we were there, but the illuminati and several other people were there within about 10 minutes. And Melania is very angry, because those 10 minutes were a living hell for her. She she claims that they were a living hell and they were if I’m being honest.

So she used all of her experience as a former prostitute she wasn’t like a prostitute prostitute, but she did do some work like that when she first immigrated and was trying to get into modeling, she did some stuff to survive in a sense and try to further her career, and she was very shrewd about it, but it was still prostitution and so she knows what she knew what she was doing. She knew how to sort of protect herself, but then having to do that with being First Lady, and the fact that it’s sort of triggering for her it was very traumatic.

So Jeffrey is telling everyone that he is considering suicide but his wife can’t even tell whether or not he’s serious or not. There are some people who wonder if he was involved in the tariff situation. And if he is holding himself responsible, and so he’s throwing himself to the dogs because he feels personally responsible for giving bad advice, and so he’s ready to just destroy himself because he feels so guilty. But that is something that I actually can’t read because I’m not God I can tell it’s going on, but there are times when people are mysterious to me and it’s not a problem for me because I’m evil but it can become a problem for me because I don’t know. If I don’t know what’s going through Jeffrey’s mind.

A so him and Bobby and Melania were in a limousine parking lot at Whole Foods and how well I am you called for back up and she was taken out and a very short amount of time no one really noticed because they pulled up in a Lexus and on a 2015 Lexus sedan and in plain clothes and she got out she talk to them for a while it was hard to tell her she was she got in the Lexus and then they left. Jeffrey and Bobby got out to but they were also plane closed and so it was hard to tell who they were from a distance and then they got back in the limousine and took off just Jeffrey and Bobby and Bobby went back to his hotel room and Jeffrey went home and I just think that’s a fascinating little tidbit.” says Satan.

“ so this portal that’s in Scotland is just a really nice portal because you don’t have to deal with evil?” says a woman.

“ yes, evil is actually dysfunctional. And I don’t really like to have to deal with the icky stuff that is in other portals like children screaming outside of time while they’re being molested or tortured and babies being mutilated, and let’s see people having their limbs cut off there’s a Lotta noises like that in the other portals. There are also other smells of rotting things, sulfur actually somewhat, and it’s just not pleasant. And some portals are actually physically hot because God gave the world over to me and so some portals, especially in the jungle or physically hot and I can feel that. Some are cold and unpleasant. And some are a little too quiet because it’s just it’s kind of eerie for things to be that quiet.

So I prefer taking those three tunnels because they’re just they’re nice. The one in Dubai is very elegant. Very classy classic Dubai.

The one in China is opulent and charming.

And the one in Scotland is just so nice. I mean it’s just like you feel like you’re getting a hug every time you go through it it’s like tea biscuits us or a sweater a hug and you just think she should. I have left heaven darn it was too late now but you know darn it this is just so nice.

Yes, it’s created out of a woman’s vagina.

The one in China, Dubai and Lacey were created by men who were straight who sucked cock or took it up their ass and defiled their twin flame. The one in China and Dubai. Beautiful women gorgeous women just like Lacey absolutely shockingly beautiful women they’re both dead, but I mean the elevator still works. Because it stuck that way it’s a fallen world so I’m not getting rid of those elevators even though the people I have moved on and I’m not seeing where they are but they’re not here anymore but those elevators still exist and so do all those traumatic memories that they’ve had to deal with both those men are molested by people and they confuse them and make made them think that they were homosexual just like them you guys this kind of stuff happens all the time you’re such a fucking idiot.

So lame was straight not gay and he was molested and got confused and so Lacey as his twin flame gave me a really sweet ride.

Hey, and part of the reason we’re talking about it is because he is not doing very well. He’s with her for eternity, but he’s putting her through torture that she does not deserve and part of her way of coping with it is to just publicly discuss this.

Yeah, but that’s part of the reason. The elevator is so damn nice it’s just like the nice I mean you wouldn’t think that by looking at it but no it’s really nice.

Yeah, I’m kind of in love with her I take the elevator and I know what that means because I’m Satan and so I think shit oh shit.

Nothing against the two other elevators. They’re very nice but I don’t know I like my elevator in Scotland. It’s just it’s hard to explain but it’s just kind of. It’s like cozy and nice and there’s a there’s not like a fireplace but now it’s just so nice it’s Scotland. It’s just so nice. It is next to the water is very moderate very moderate temperatures the smell of the water and all that brick and it’s very private the one in Dubai is in a place that’s actually pretty public. The one in China is remote it’s too remote. The one in Scotland it’s remote but not that remote I mean it’s like it’s private and it’s the whole areas just like empty just totally empty and no one bothers anyone any I don’t know if it’s a pretty nice area actually in its own way, and I am that’s just the kind of girl that Lacey is you know him She’s one of the more charming women I guess and list like well. This is nice I get privacy I get a watermelon sweater, tea and crumpets and there’s just like oh nice to be back up in earth you know but obviously I’ll probably take I like to take the bike down when I’m going back down I like to go through to buy But that actually doesn’t mean that I actually prefer the one in Scotland and God knows that and that’s why I go through there because it’s like oh I have to go back up you know where I’m not at home hell is like home to me so then it’s like I’m headed back up to earth and I think I just choose to go through Scotland because it’s just a night it’s nice it’s really nice and it’s just sort of you know like OK moving my way back onto earth Getting a sweater and you know a nice scone with a little tea I guess I can be up on earth I guess it’s OK for a while. No it’s not maternal it’s just so it’s so nice it’s just so nice.

Oh, and it’s not that the British were that evil necessarily compared to other cultures but I think people think they are because they’re so good at this kind of stuff they’re just so good at it and I mean I’m not dumb enough to think that that isn’t just what it is. They’re just really good at what they do being human I mean I am not. I’m not I’m not saying anything. I’m just saying I like this and it’s just really frustrating to me that I’m not allowed to be with her and I can’t because she’s a Christian and she’s obviously going to say no but it’s I mean Tami were saying it’s the end of the world and we’ll see we’ll see.” says Satan.

“ and what would happen if they put like housing there?” says a man.

“ him I would just have to move it over a little bit. I’ll put it in the water.” says Satan.

“ so when God says not Jews that if you’re straight it’s and he might’ve just thought no one should be doing it but for sure if you’re straight, that was just not understood?” says a gay man.

“ no it was understood and then it was lost overtime if that’s what it meant. But it wasn’t. Constantine appreciates that OK but nice try.” says Satan, rolling his eyes.

“ I was not in a limousine with Jeffrey Sachs yesterday that’s bullshit!” says Bobby.

“ See you find Milani attractive, Bobby?” says a reader.

“ no I don’t find Melania tractive you fucking idiot.” says Bobby

“ bobby I kind of think that’s weird because I kind of think that she’s probably better looking than a lot of people and I think you’ve probably looked at naked pictures of her.” says a reader.

“I mean yeah I have but so lots of people it’s no big deal. It’s if you guys aren’t understanding when she took those pictures they were just art. No I’m the only I am being completely serious. I am being completely serious!” says Bobby, sincerely.

“ so then why were you an engine and Jeffrey doing in the limousine was at an art installation?” says a lesbian.

“ no, it wasn’t an art installation!” scoffs Jeffrey.

“no no come on I mean it it could’ve been they don’t know.” says Bobby.

“ so Bobby, what was it!?” says a woman.

“ I mean it was just it was just us talking with her we were just talking.” says Bobby.

“ and you were just talking!? You were trying to take her clothes off and she kept telling you that that was a no-no and a silly way.” says Satan.

“ but that was just a joke. It was just a joke.” says Bobby.

“ and I don’t think that’s how Melania perceived it because she was trying to get away from you and then she had she had to be rescued.” says the Secret Service.

“ whatever! whatever!” says Bobby.

“ oh fuck Bobby I am I’m curious did you know that Cheryl was on a girls trip with her gay friend before this happened?” says an actress

“yes I did. Yes I did.” says Bobby.

“ so so were you trying to get even with her or were you trying to feel better about yourself?” says an actress.

“ I hate I don’t understand why you would think that because nothing even happened. We were just sitting there in the limousine talking I was having a beer. Jeffrey was having a beer. Melania was refusing to drink because she was being a sourpuss and she’s told her listen you know this is just not what you know what you think it is and and then she excepted that response and she was trying to talk with me and she had her shirt lick hanging open And I just assumed that it was for me because I went to be.” says Bobby.

“ and that was that just how she was dressed that day?” says a woman.

“ yes, it was but I thought it was for me.” says Bobby.

“ why wouldn’t it have been for me?” says Jeffrey.

“ I mean because I’m Bobby Kennedy and I’m kind of a big deal.” says Bobby.

“Umm…” says Jeffrey laughing.

“ I mean I am I am I am a really big deal Jeffrey I am clearly I am I am clearly is the reason why dressed like that.” says Bobby.

“ I know no because I have a bigger dick and I’m better in bed.” says Jeffrey.

“ oh, man, don’t say stuff like that to me Jeffrey. Don’t say stuff like that. I’m not one to say stuff like that too. I’m really not. That was a bad idea. You should’ve said that.” says Bobby.

“ but it’s true pop it’s true Bobby I’m better in bed my wife is more satisfied than your wives I’ve ever been.” says Jeffrey.

“ it was for neither of you it was for neither of you!” says Melania.

Awkward silence.

“ I think if I think if it was for one of us that it would’ve been for me, I just want that to be made clear if it was for one of us between the two of us it would’ve been me.” says Jeffrey.

“ you know that’s an interesting hypothesis or that’s a very interesting hypothesis. Very interesting hypothesis indeed but I happen to think that that’s not likely if we really examine the situation.” says Bobby.

“ but she doesn’t want to sleep with either of you!” says Professor Joe Bartolotta.

“ do you know that’s that’s what she says and we have to respect that.” says Bobby.

“ no I’m not going to kill President Trump Bobby just to have sex with Melania.” says Jeffrey, outing him.

“ what if I did that?” says Bobby. “ what if I did that who would be able to stop me who would actually be able to stop me from doing that!?”

“ Bobby, I know you’ve been trying to kill me because I know that you’re a double agent working for the liberals and myself I’ve known that for a while.” says President Trump.

“Umm…

But he would never have anticipated that part of my psychological framework is that I am mad that that Melania isn’t in bed with me.” says Bobby.

“ but Bobby, why can’t you get Melania or someone like her in bed with you?” says a woman.

“ I mean I can what are you talking about?” says Bobby.

“ is Linn one of the best looking people, sweetie that you’ve ever imagined you had?” says the CIA.

“ yes.” says God. “ Jack was able to sleep with people very shortly, who are very beautiful by taking advantage of them, but they never wanted to kill themselves over him. When was the only good looking person who ever really took him seriously who who he had any sexual contact with.”

“ that’s that’s that’s the thing though so yesterday when we were in the limousine… well I won’t she just she lied. She leaned over towards me and she’s like Bobby Bobby we need to stop. She said Bobby, we need to stop. She said Bobby we need to stop and that’s obviously a double entendre. Because in a sense right because she saying we need to stop like we should actually stop. But she’s also saying we need to stop like this is getting too intense Bobby V I am in love with you I am falling for you. I’m starting to feel totally overwhelmed, by this entire experience, and I just need I need you to stop because I am starting to lose track as I consenting adults of what’s going on. And because I’m starting to feel things for you that are making me wonder if I should leave Donald Trump. I’m starting to think. Why did I ever marry Pat that I could’ve married Kennedy I could’ve been Melania Kennedy.

*Bobby nods sincerely*

I could’ve been Melania Kennedy.

And that would’ve been a really big deal.

And then Taylor Swift would’ve so come to their house, and been like who is that? Oh my gosh who is that woman who is just walked in who is like the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen like one of them. And she’s just here and she sitting at the table. Wow, who brought her here? Oh my gosh I’m overwhelmed.

Oh, and then I would’ve said that’s my wife. Yup.

That’s my wife Taylor her name is Melania. That’s my wife so I guess that’s my wife and that’s because I’m a Kennedy and so if you’d like to know more about my family then I would like to tell you because I know more about them than you do. I know you read a lot of books and I know that you think you know stuff but you don’t not like me and so you should really just listen to what I have to say Because him if I can Paul like Melania, then there’s stuff you don’t know OK cause just think about it it’s logic right? Yeah because Taylor can’t pull a millennia Karlie Kloss was the best she could do and Carly Carly, Carly’s hot but she’s not hotter than Olivia. She’s not she’s not any hotter than Olivia so..

But if Maria he was there, I would just be like loser! And no, not Maria Melania.

Loser loser you are a loser Taylor compared to me.

I don’t care that you’re a billionaire I don’t care that you have more money in your background than my family did when they came from Ireland within the last 150 years. Because Taylor was into the old money thing too. She was she reference stuff and I was just like not impressed. Not impressed so not impressed. I’m not impressed!

And that I would be able to pull him alone and be like bingo Yahtzee I win. you pull somebody as good looking as that and we’ll talk. We’ll talk you silly little bitch!” says Bobby.

“ Bobby that’s a lot of interesting information let’s keep talking.” says a lesbian.

“ so that Susan Susan White why is she here do you know why is she here she’s here because my son broader what’s that all about what the fuck my kids don’t love me I don’t know and it’s just why the hell why the hell is this all happening? Is it because Maria died? Is it because my father died? Is it because I did something?” says Bobby. “ and I have a really hard time thinking that it was me because I’ve kept pretty darn good track of myself. I raised myself OK I know what I’ve done I kept track.

So so you can’t tell me you can’t tell me that I don’t know because I know I kept track. I keep diaries I write stuff down I write stuff down. I analyze stuff because I want to know why don’t you want to keep track of yourself.

Is Allyson so I I just I understand. I understand where the president is coming from. I understand where the president is coming from. I understand that there are certain limitations in certain relationships and you have to respect that that’s the nature of the situation.

But I I just don’t I don’t see I don’t see how it’s likely that Melania wasn’t saying to me, Bobby you need to stop. Because because she said it, it was like you need to stop. You need to stop Bobby you need to I mean who says that right? Like who says that obviously she was saying it in a way that was indicative of her being genuinely interested.” says Bobby.

“ what if Cheryl got like plastic surgery and looked more like her?” says Queen Elizabeth I.

“ well, we’ve talked about it.

Mary had a better face and Cheryl but she had a really tiny boobs and a flat ass.

And Cheryl’s face is ugly compared to Mary’s but you know I decided to get a little dirty.

I am so my idea was to give Mary a boob job because I was still going to cheat but I might’ve come home for dinner a little more often if you know what I mean.

No, I want her to have like big boobs big boobs I would’ve thought. Damn damn I did well.

But she refused to do that, because she said that it was bad for her. She was she was really into the health food movement but at like the tail end before it became a thing she was, she shopped at co-ops she was into the environmental aspect of existence, she was a very smart woman, and I miss her, but she hung herself.

She hung herself.

And I mean, I’m a little evil and crazy, so I’m probably the reason why.

But I mean it it would’ve been nice if she had just done it because I I I I really don’t think that I really don’t think that I would’ve cheated is often if she just done the boob job.

No I mean I just wanted to get like a double D that’s not stupid.

And she was just like I’m not injecting that into my body. I’m not putting that anywhere near the inside of my body Bobby because I know what that does to people I’ve done the research I know that it has toxins I know that I could end up having severe health issues And I might just want to hang my hang myself.

*he thinks*

I might just want to hang myself. I’ve never process this before. I’m sorry.

*he thinks*

I mean clearly that that was something she was very serious about wow.

*he thinks*

OK so that’s interesting but that mean that was clearly what she was feeling about the whole thing and she just didn’t want to do it because she was thinking that if it leaked she would have severe health issues with like limbs and arms and I think that was why she didn’t do it The women are funny.

So I guess that makes sense.

Wow, OK.

So no, I mean she just didn’t want you know something in an in her body that could cause severe health issues, and she had tiny tiny tits.

I mean they were really small and so are my first wives and I can I can I can I feel myself. I fool myself. Because I think you know I like this it’s sleek and cool looking because their clothes fit better and they’re so petite and pretty and skinny and I’m just like Coco Chanel is right you can never be too rich or too skinny. And I’m just like you could never be. You cannot be like look at how Emily and Marie look at those clothes things fit! They fit, and I’ve spent a lot of time in New York City, my whole life, and I know that that matters fit matters style matters, fashion matters I mean wow, that is like extremely important thing!

NN so I just I will look at them and be like I don’t care I don’t care that they’re small because I like your face I like your style I like your attitude I like your personality I like how you smell and that’s just not important because the clothes looks so damn good! The clothes are just like killing me bitch oh my gosh like who the fuck are you!? I meant Emily was so damn smart I mean rock on sister rock on! And that was Barry and they were such bitches. They were such a fucking bitches and I was just like can I be your bitch?

And I was just like these women are bitches who know how to wear clothes they know how to do stuff at school that I struggle with sometimes and I’m not as smart as them but you know and then they’re my friend and they care about me and I’m just like wow this woman cares about me and she’s so smart And look at her. She wears her clothes.

And then they’re bitches and it’s like oh my gosh you’re just like lame. Lame as a bitch ass and I guess maybe I’ve had some feelings for him. And so it’s like you know you’re just like the guy that I know who died and is dying and is tall and handsome and you’re not you’re short and a woman but you remind me of him somehow Emily and Mary and I kind of feel like you’re the best of every world.

And then they were just so nice to me and I’m kind of an idiot sometimes but they were so nice to me and then I was just like you know OK I could marry a girl like that and be pretty damn happy. A guy could marry a woman like that and I don’t know settle down and you know obviously they’re still party time. But you know when I’m not partying I kind of wanna rest my head next to that bitch!

I kinda wanna rest my head next to that one. Hey Emily, hi no she’s not Hardaway. Some women are but you don’t understand pretty frilly little miss like Emily.

So I’m going to marry Emily and we’re going to be better than all of you because Emily is smart and she’s my friend and she looks really good and I’ll just bring the heavy sauce of sexiness to the relationship and then she’ll bring all the smarts in class, and then no one will be able to stop us.

Umm… but then they didn’t have tits. and I’m like I need a bigger visuals. Some men may be like that look I don’t know, but I just I I like dead, but not completely. I kind of wanted. I kind of wanted them, but with like huge tits.

*he thinks*

OK I kind of wanted them but with like huge tits and then like I wanted them to like cheat on me and then I would be like but Emily you can’t cheat on me because I am in love with you. And you just didn’t know that. You just had no idea that I was in love with you. Yeah wow.

I neither one of them wanted to get plastic surgery for me so I was a Creek. I left them both, and Mary hung herself.” says Bobby.

“ does it hurt that Mary refused to get the plastic surgery Bobby ?” says Larry.

“ no, no it does but no, I mean knock not really I mean it does but not really because it’s like no I don’t care. I don’t care it’s fine I’m not worried.” says Bobby.

“Oh wow.” says Satan.

“ are you sure Scotland’s OK with that being a portal Satan?” says God.

“ i’ve never I’ve never thought that through.” says Satan

“ so no I mean I guess it hurts. It hurts it hurts but I’m not. I’m not going to. I’m not going to cry about it but it’s definitely something that offends me about Mary that she would just do that for me.” says Bobby.

Mary looks upset. Sad.

“ it’s OK Mary it’s fine it’s fine.” says Bobby.

Awkward silence.

“ hey Bobby, I would have really considered that but I didn’t think that you wanted that for me.” says Emily.

Bobby weeps.

“ well, this is funny.

This is a joke I don’t. I don’t know how but I’ll figure it out.” says Jeffrey Sachs.

“ it’s not a joke, Jeffrey.” says Melania.