Casi: I was smarter as Virginia.
Matt: I was smarter as…- Well, whoever I was.
Casi: I used to be a mensch. So did he.
We’re dumbasses now.
We just talked about it. And it’s true.
We’re not totally dumb, right now. But we are…dumb.
Matt: Sorry.
It’s part of our gilgul.
Princess Anne: I’m still mad!
I am GORGEOUS! RIGHT NOW.
God: You’re UGLY right now. STOP TORTURING US WITH IT!
The Queen: You looked lovely in your youth.
Why can’t you just be gracious!?
Some people are far worse off, even.
Princess Anne: I get mad.
The Queen: Why?
Princess Anne: I’m not going to Heaven.
The Queen: Says who?
Princess Anne: I can’t imagine-
God: I’m almost certain she is.
Anne, you’re wanted in Heaven. Can you stand it?
Anne: Yes.
God: *rolls his eyes*
Matt: Do you think I have a problem with you!?
Princess Anne: Yes.
Matt: Ha! No. You’re…admirable.
It’s people like Lacey I loathe.
Princess Anne:
Matt: Well…doesn’t it make sense?
God: Why would you assume the worst of the Nesheims?
Matt: Because…that’s how things work?
God: Not in America? At least, not really.
Casi: Then why does social class count?
God: That exists outside of country.
Casi: Then I’m in trouble.
Matt: Do we find each other attractive?
Casi: I find you attractive.
Matt: Great.
*later*
Matt: Did your neighbor just bully you?
Lacey: Yes?? I couldn’t tell. She may have murmured something under her breath. Or she may have been thinking out loud. I have no idea.
Matt: *cries*
I think someone in the perfume community is trying to use the demonic to harass you. It’s DARK Black Magic.
They knew people were misunderstanding you, and so they started calling on demons to inspire overconfidence in other people. And for them to start making more blind assumptions, as narcissistically as possible.
God: How does this help?
Matt: Because they assumed that…”evil” wasn’t really evil. They’re a New Age…type person.
Lacey’s neighbor: I hate her because she’s…PROFOUNDLY AWFUL.
Matt: How!?
Lacey’s neighbor: I mean…her hair looked good. But FUCK THAT.
I AM COOL.
Matt: Are you skinny?
Lacey’s neighbor: No. I’m far more overweight than she is.
Matt: Do you have an ugly face? Slightly?
Lacey’s neighbor: Some might say that. *she says this both proudly and apologetically*
Matt: So…how are we superior?
Lacey’s neighbor: My husband ADORES me. He’s amazing!
Matt: How much money does he make?
Lacey’s neighbor: $60,000.00. I make $59,000.00. All before taxes, of course.
Matt: They make TWICE that. AND SHE’S AN HEIRESS.
Lacey’s neighbor: Oh well.
At least my husband gets hard.
God: YOUR HUSBAND WOULD PAY TO HAVE SEX WITH LACEY TONIGHT. Except he loves you too much.
Would you sleep with her husband?
Lacey’s neighbor: Yeah. HAPPILY.
Matt: So you’re jealous of Lacey for having a hott husband?
Lacey’s neighbor: Yes.
Matt: Why do you assume he hates her?
Lacey’s neighbor: Because if he was with me he’d be MADLY IN LOVE. I’m AMAZING! I’m the best human EVER!
Matt: Are you INSANE??
Lacey’s neighbor: No. She is!
Matt: But you just randomly attacked her.
What was she doing?
Lacey’s neighbor: She was going into their house. With her family.
Matt: WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
Lacey’s neighbor: I was on duty. We all take turns walking by her house. Harassing her.
Matt: For what reason?
Lacey’s neighbor: BECAUSE WE DO NOT APPRECIATE HER BLOG.
It’s MEAN.
I’m AMAZING!!!!!
Matt: Holy SHIT!
So you literally walked past her house to see if you could harass her?
Lacey’s neighbor: I mean, we don’t do anything like…crazy-
God: If this is real then you are obviously crazy. You can’t walk past someone’s house doing that.
That’s not normal.
Matt: *nods*
Lacey’s other neighbor: It’s true. It feels weird to me too.
Matt: How many of there are you?
Lacey’s first neighbor: Over a dozen.
She never encouraged us to read her blog.
But we decided to anyway.
Matt: WHY!?
Lacey’s first neighbor: We were curious.
And then we found all of you.
WE LOVE YOU!
YOU GUYS HAVE GUTS!
*Lacey’s neighborhood cheers on the perfume community*
Satan: *cracks-up laughing at them*
Matt: The current British aristocracy betrayed their own kind…starting in the 1970’s.
They basically just became demonically possessed.
Things took a turn for the worse…in the 1950’s. After World War II.
Lacey: What happened? I was busy following around Lem.
Matt: *laughs*
You poor thing!
Well…we lost our minds, essentially.
We still exist…but…-
Or they do. I count myself somewhat.
Lacey: What happened though!?
Matt: They-
They…were in deep trouble. Financially.
Lady Rosslyn: What stupidity!
God: And what would you have done?
Lady Rosslyn: STARTED ANOTHER WAR!
Hitler: LOVE IT.
A British man: *laughs*
Well, I guess you’re joining them. Or maybe not.
Keen to Cross the Pond 