Ireland

Lem: We had to go to bed.

Let’s try again.

So…do you all understand now…that she’s not a terrible person?

*they wait to see if they can spiritually hear anyone*

The perfume community: Yes??

God: What’s bothering you today?

The perfume community: I’m not poor…and I’m poor.

*they shrug*

But that’s not what was the point?

God: You confessed last night that you were jealous. Do you remember that!?

The perfume community: No.

WHAT!?

Someone told her that!?

God: Yes!

The perfume community: Oh.

*they laugh awkwardly*

Okay.

*awkward shiftiness*

Lacey: So?

The perfume community: SHOOT!

Lem: You didn’t want us to know!?

The perfume community: You know, some people probably would.

…I was enjoying her not knowing.

(This person is probably a different person from the one we were talking with last night.)

A reader: What in the FUCK are you THINKING!?

The perfume community: I enjoyed her not having a clue!

Lem: That doesn’t actually work. It seems clever, but it’s not!

A perfume collector from last night who’s busy today: Yes!

She needed to know!

Lem: HELL YEAH!

You people have been IDIOTS!

Totally irresponsible fools.

The perfume collector from last night: So you could tell she didn’t know!?

This whole time!!!!

The perfume community today: Yeah??

I mean…we loved making fun of her.

The perfume collector from last night: But it’s based on MY JEALOUSY. My REAL insecurities.

She’s NOT someone to make fun of!

Trying to genuinely mock an actually wealthy, hot person…is INSANE.

I assumed we were all on the same page.

You all have STUNNED me with this, this morning.

*she looks shaken*

Another perfume collector: I mean…it always seemed weird to me-

Chris: We did this to you.

Because some people worth $3 million or $2 million…were incredibly insecure about the Nesheims.

An actress: How much is that family worth?

Moloch: Around $200 million.

Chris: I’m not that rich.

I’m famous. Yeah??? But…I’m not from an “oil family”.

A different perfume collector: So she’s not jealous at all!!?

The perfume collector from last night: NOPE.

My mistake.

Another different perfume collector: So she’s “handling” this and-

She’s feeling sorry for us. Because she knows we’re being used?

The CIA: Yes.

Another perfume collector: So she’s a stunning beauty. Who’s aging naturally in her 40’s?

Daveigh: Yup!

*they think*

Lem: So…watch out!

I doubt any of the Nesheims will sue.

But if the right person gets angry enough, within the perfume industry??? WATCH OUT!

The perfume collector from last night: Industry?

Lem: Yeah.

A male perfume collector: Who!?

Lem: *shrugs*

See, we’ve been kept in the dark.

I don’t know everything.

But I get a very strong sense someone is extremely angry.

Do you know!?

The CIA: You can’t sue the Nesheims nor Lacey.

A reader: Are they Jews?

The CIA: *laughs*

No.

It’s a Norwegian name.

Israel: *rolls his eyes WAY back into his head*

Yes, it’s Norwegian.

A reader: Then why is her last name Jewish?

Israel: You’re THAT SLOW!?

HER FATHER-IN-LAW IS A JEW!

DEAR GOD these people are dumb.

A reader: Why are we attacking the Nesheims?

Chris: JEALOUSY.

They have an astonishing amount of oil. Just in their family.

It’s also scary to some very powerful people. Because it’s so unusual.

It feels regressive. Like the old aristocracy of Europe.

The Oil Companies: They didn’t do anything illegal. It’s allowed. And actually, we’re fine. They’re perfectly sane, rational, even-tempered people.

Chris: *screams in exasperation* IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!

Yes. That’s all true. But I HATE it.

An actor: You should go back to Hollywood, Chris. Make more money?

Chris: Shut-up!

Another actor: You’re so fake, Chris. *he laughs*

Chris: *looks shocked*

A reader: So…you actually peed on her cousin’s house?

Chris: No.

Putin and I astral projected ourselves there.

A reader: And peed?

Chris: Yes.

Lacey’s uncle: What does that do?!

The CIA: *shrugs* Who knows.

An actress: I know!

They’re claiming it!

Lacey’s uncle: That’s what I thought!

*he shakes his head in disgust*

They’re also mocking us???

The CIA: Almost certainly!

I think that’s more the point.

*they all think*

I think Putin and his wife are laying low, today.

A reader: So that was actually embarrassing to them!?

The CIA: Yes.

They both have been quite emotional.

Apparently he really did have actual feelings for Lacey…and his wife really- *they roll their eyes* She was actually hurt.

See…*they roll their eyes and shake their heads in exasperation*

The perfume collector from last night: His wife was hurt!?

The CIA: Yes!

Lacey’s-

We’ve had some HUGE misunderstandings.

*they wait*

Lem: Yeah!

His wife was hurt!

Another reader: Why was his wife hurt?

Lem: BECAUSE MY WIFE THOUGHT I WAS A HOMOSEXUAL!!

Lacey: Actually, that’s somewhat true.

*they wait*

Lem: I’m not.

I’m actually not even bisexual!

As difficult as that is for some people to understand.

*later*

Nancy: I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to live across the street from the governor?

Lem: Because of me!

Both her and her husband are offended because of me.

The perfume collector from last night: Ahh…this is why this blog “affected me”. Can we talk!? PLEASE!