Dirty (A quick play)

The perfume community: No. You’re not sexy.

Daniel Rene: No. I am.

The perfume community: Ahh-

Really though?

Daniel Rene: I’m…-

Wait-

No, I am.

The perfume community: I don’t think that’s true.

Not really.

No.

See…you’re not old money, like Casi Hart.

Have you ever heard of her? She’s an old money bitch on Instagram.

Her family…owns old money farm where they have oil. In Kentucky.

Like…so much oil.

Daniel Rene: Oh okay.

Well-

The perfume community: So.

You’re not sexy like her.

She’s clean.

You’re dirty.

Daniel Rene: So old money people are clean huh?

The perfume community: Yes.

They sexy…but-

You’re just…not that sexy.

Daniel Rene: Are you threatened by my sexiness?

The perfume community: Ahh…-

So you’re threatened by our sexiness?

Daniel Rene: No.

I worry…that you…have actually been threatened by me.

The perfume community: *clutches their pearls*

Wow!

I’m really hurt.

I’m AN ADULT.

Daniel Rene: Hold up.

Are you saying I’m not an adult?

The perfume community: No.

You’re saying that.

Daniel Rene: I’m short.

If there’s an Illuminati? In it.

Have been in it for a while.

You should have figured that out?

Ahh-

Lacey’s family has oil. Okay? They’re in the same “country club”…but…we don’t hardly ever talk.

Like ever.

I just see her around. A few times a year.

The perfume community: Do you bully her?

Daniel Rene: YES!

Someone made me. Blackmail, basically. Or me. And there was incentive.

People hate them.

How do you guys have NO clue?

Oil.

It’s OIL.

The perfume community: This cannot be that mundane.

The Illuminati: Ahh…but it is.

I’m sorry.

The CIA: Daniel really is sexy.

Why do you struggle with that to the point where I feel like you’re trying to actively brainwash him into thinking otherwise?

The perfume community: *Thinking*

So you made him attack her, basically?

And now…we’re attacking him?

Trump: Yup.

The perfume community: And she’s gone?

Trump: Yup.

And he’s-

You’re messing with his head.

Why?

The perfume community: Are we really worse than most online communities?

A man: Well…what are you doing?

The perfume community: What do you think we’re doing?

The CIA: Using her oil. Energetically.

And without permission.

Possibly because of global warming.

The perfume community: So we spray it in our bodies? And cause reproductive health problems. For ourselves. Potentially.

But…because of that…we’re demonically able to siphon off her money?

The CIA: Not her money.

Their power.

You’re all trying to be old money oil now.

Funny…

The perfume community: Does it work?

The CIA: No.

You may have about as much power…as your level of current skin toxicity.

The perfume community: Why not what we’ve already put in ourselves?

The CIA: Because…she does spiritual warfare. She wakes up and literally physically fights demons.

Satan: Last night, to ruin the Minnesota State Fair…I was sent by her haters to wake up her kids. Giving them nightmares about creepy dolls.

It was so stupid…at this point…-

I had to help her turn it into a learning lesson about how to avoid Hell. Yes. Me…Satan.

It was like…before the fall. And-

*He cries.*

Daniel Rene: Is that partially why we’re doing this here?

Satan: Yes.

I’m SO sick of these people.

I’m sorry.

You guys are kind of unique.

*He shrugs.*

Casi (?): I may have been the one who called for that.

I’m just doing my thang!

Satan: You may have been.

You also may not have been.

It could have been Bobby.

There are many narcissistic people who are angry at her right now.

So you’re her now, Casi???

Your family is old money from where? Sweden?

Casi (?): No.

Germany.

We’re German aristocrats.

Satan: *Laughs at her.*

You’re not.

So…where’s your money?

Casi (?): I just as much money as them!!

Satan: The pastor?

Casi (?): No. Lacey.

Satan: Oh wow!

Was that what came to you to say?

Casi (?): Yes.

It felt mean.

Satan: But it’s totally illogical.

Casi (?): So?

Bobby: I know!

Gets them every time.

It’s called wisdom.

We ARE wisdom.

Casi (?): So this must be fun for you, Lacey.

Who helped you do this?

The CIA: She’s-

*They laugh.*

She’s not been helped.

Not in that way.

Neither has Putin.

You think they help each other? No.

He’s better at war than her.

Casi (?): Hey!

Stop scaring me.

I’ll call THE POLICE!

The CIA: What scares you?

Casi (?): You’re telling me…that she had a relationship to that man?

The CIA: To that man?

Casi: Yes.

He’s Vladimir Putin?

See! Can you BLAME ME?

I’m the innocent pretty one.

Obviously.

Look how I’m being attacked!

Harvard: Scotia

Is a straight…sexy…woman. Who’s also a warrior.

She’s obviously very feminine.

More than you.

Casi (?): So she’s just superior?

Nah.

I am.

Wait!

You’ll see.

Look…I seem dumb right now…but it’s because SHE DEMON!

She’s ding dang dong DEMON BITCH.

The CIA: She…demon?

Casi (?): Yup.

*She scratches her buttocks*

How you see that?

Yup.

She demon.

I’m saying she’s a demon. But I’m being real about it.

The CIA: So that makes you…more morally…superior?

Casi (?): No.

It’s the POWER OF THE CROSS OF CHRIST.

An African woman: Okay.

See…we go without…bras.

In Africa.

Casi (?): No.

No you don’t!

If you did that…all the African men would have erections. Constantly.

Harvard: No.

They do that.

And that’s why Scotia has no bra.

Casi (?): No!

She’s a DEMON BITCH.

CIA: No.

Africa goes without a bra.

Casi: This is funny to you!?

You’re SICK.

And I have OIL!

The CIA: You didn’t know that…about Africa.

You’re just reading the room.

And then you’re turning the tables.

Casi (?):

CIA: Yes?

Casi: So why African men…have nothing?

Are they all gay?

No! That’s an HONEST QUESTION.

…*She laughs.*

Are they all gay?

I’m just asking!

The CIA: No.

They get used to it.

Actually…they may be very selective about such things. Based on centuries of seeing before buying, or something of that nature.

Casi (?): So…they see the boobs before marriage? So…African men are more cruel?

The CIA: Not necessarily.

Casi: No!

That’s where African fell.

That’s why…white colonialism worked.

Because African women…don’t wear no bra.

A Warrior in the Anglo-Zulu War: *Stares at Casi.*

And now…thanks to this…I have to explain ALL of Africa. On this blog.

*He looks very mad.*

Casi: Yeah!

White power!

A Warrior in the Anglo-Zulu War: No.

You are wrong.

*He laughs*

Oh well.

Daniel you are sexy. Don’t let them harm you.

The perfume community: No!

Mix it up.

He’s not.

He’s…pretentious.

He’s sexually pretentious.

The CIA: How?

The perfume community: Well! Isn’t that pretentious?

Bobby: Mmm…yes.

So true!

Go on!

The perfume community: Did he steal…a man? From you?

Bobby: *Laughs*

I’m not even gay!

*Looks incredulous.*

The perfume community: Okay.

Cool.

Well…-

Umm…-

*Later.*

Casi: Bobby is gay.

Just like…how I am.

Does that make sense? Like…he is…gay?

The CIA: Are you trying to sound like Lacey?

Casi: No.

You’re Nash. You’re all John Nash.

The CIA: We have schizophrenia?

Casi: Yes.

The CIA: …Are you trying to sound like Lacey?

Casi: So what?

The CIA: I wanna see you go topless (a man in the CIA is saying this.)

Casi: *Laughs and rolls her eyes.*

A Man In The CIA: Why not?

Casi: I’m married.

A man in the CIA: Fine.

Daniel Rene…uses filler on his lips.

Why don’t you?

Casi: In all honesty? I’ve thought about it.

A man in the CIA: Then DO IT.

Casi: Do you order them around like this?

A man in the CIA: No.

Casi: Is he old money?

A man in the CIA: No.

*Later.*

Casi: You’re trying to turn me into a courtesan?

Bobby: No.

Why would you think that?

Casi: *Stares at him.*

This isn’t funny!

Bobby: You’re an impersonator, just like Lem.

Casi: Not really.

Bobby: YES.

You are.

Casi: *Gets angry.*

Bobby: Impersonate me!

Casi: I don’t want to.

Bobby: Why? *He says, flirting with her.*

Casi: I’m not into you!

Bobby: YES! You are.

Casi: *Smirks.*

You’re annoying.

Bobby: Ha!

So you’re in love with me too?

Interesting.

Casi: I’m-

You’re a dog.

You cheat.

Bobby: Yup.

I don’t have a problem with you.

Do you have a problem with me?

Casi: No.

You’re in love with me.

Bobby: No.

You’re in love with me.

Casi: No, actually…you’re in love with me.

Bobby: Funny.

Because actually…you’re in love with me.

Casi: Ha!

You’re…in love…WITH ME.

*They laugh together.*

Bobby: She is…the one…who’s attracted to me.

Casi: Ha!

No.

You started it.

Bobby: But…you’re aware of who I am.

Look…have you ever seen me? I’m sure you have. And have you ever joked with your female friends about attractive I am?

You have? Ahh. Yes, you have.

So! You…are into…me.

Casi: I may have done that.

But that’s not relevant.

Bobby: Yes.

IT IS.

Casi: No.

I’m not falling for that.

Bobby: Falling FOR WHAT!?

THE TRUTH!!?

Casi: God. You are DUMB.

Bobby: See!

You’re in love with me.

Casi: I’m not.

Bobby: Yes. You are.

Casi: *Laughs*

No. You’re not.

Bobby: Yes. You are.

Casi: Yes. YOU are.

Bobby: No. I’m not.

You are.

Casi: I’m not.

You are.

Bobby: You’re funny.

Because I know you are.

Casi: Ha.

You are.

Bobby: Okay.

So I take it…you are?

Casi: *Laughs*

Yeah.

I am.

Bobby: *Thinks*

Daniel Rene: Actually…I do get injections. But I also have naturally good lips.

Casi: Whatever dude.

*She scoffs.*

Bobby: You should get injections, Casi.

Casi: I don’t want to.

None.

Bobby: See…no…

You’re A BITCH.

Y’all are BITCHY.

*He shakes his head no*

Casi: *Thinks*

I want no such part- I want no part of it!

Bobby: *Laughs*

WHY NOT!?

Casi: It’s not real.

Bobby: *Laughs*

No.

You know it would look good.

Casi: *Is flattered*

Bobby: *Stares at her*

Casi: I don’t want them.

Bobby: GET EM’!!

Casi: You can’t make me!

Bobby: *Looks hurt*

Casi: I want sex.

What do you even want?

Bobby: I’d fuck you-I’d fuck you FAR more easily…if you had-

Casi: See…I don’t want you.

Bobby: *Hurt*

I don’t think you get it.

I’m Bobby KENNEDY. NOT you.

I do the rejecting. NOT your ass.

Casi: I don’t do that.

None.

Bobby: YEAH RIGHT.

See…that’s my trigger.

You got me ALL UP IN YOUR FACE NOW, MISSY!

*Later.*

Casi: Why you ain’t come on to me? You didn’t astral.

Bobby: YOU ARE A MARRIED WOMAN.

Casi: That don’t mean you ain’t wanna jump my bones!

Bobby: *Shakes his head in disgust.*

Casi: Funny.

You want…me.

Bobby: You’re a BITCH! *he yells*

Casi: *Laughs*

A White American Christian: Are you two Nephalim?

Casi: *Looks confused*

Bobby: *Rolls his eyes*

*Later.*

The CIA: Why do you instantly take their word for it?

A White American Christian: Bobby is an honest man.

He’s saving my food!

He works for…well…JESUS.

EVER HEARD OF HIM!?

*A little later.*

Satan: *Cracks up laughing.*

*A little later.*

Lacey: Do you think…Bobby…is euthanizing children…for Christ?

A White American Christian: HELL NO.

You’re a dumb ignorant BITCH!

Lacey: Children are dying. Far more.

A White American Christian: YOU SUCK!

This whole blog!

Satanic.

Hello!

You ain’t got no time to fix it? Why? You’re poor.

See!

Gotcha!

YOU SUCK!

I ain’t wrong.

Lacey: Okay.

But children are dying more…with him in charge. Do you think…he’s doing that…to rescue them?

A White American Christian: I don’t know.

Why are you asking that?

Lacey: Are you playing dumb right now? Are being serious?

A White American Christian: *Thinks*

You’re-

YOU are the whore.

You are!

You’re mean.

Nah.

Lacey: Answer my question.

A White American Christian: I am BORN AGAIN!

You ain’t.

You never met my LORD.

Lacey: Answer my question.

A White American Christian: I’m not…joking.

Lacey: *Thinks*

Do you take the news seriously at all?

A White American Christian: Yes.

Lacey: Then…how have you not noticed that children are dying more?

A White American Christian: *Thinks*

Well sure.

Lacey: *Shrugs, looking confused.*

A White American Christian: Why you gotta be so pretentious!!?

Lacey: What do you mean by “Well sure!”?

A White American Christian: Okay.

You are not pretentious.

I mean…-

Yes!! …But…-

Does that make any difference?

Lacey: *Thinks*

Because it’s for the greater good?

A White American Christian: Yes.

*He shrugs*

Lacey: *Thinks*

Do you think…he could even be allowing them to die?

There are a lot of children being sold. Could he be…ending their Holocaust?

A White American Christian: I don’t know.

Maybe.

Lacey: See…he doesn’t seem that holy to me. I’ve asked him.

But…you seem to know him better.

A White American Christian: *Thinks*

*Later*

I hate you!

Lacey: As a Christian?

A White American Christian: Yes.

Lacey: I’m not sure you should.

A White American Christian: I hate Casi…but she a good woman.

Lacey: Why?

A White American Christian: *Thinks*

A Presbyterian White Man: WHAT!?

A White American Christian: Yah!

Now she has me arguing with a CALVINIST.

A Presbyterian White Man: You’re not representing Christ. You’re representing evil.

I’m taking to you, White Christian Man.

A White Christian Man: *Freaks out*

Jeffrey Epstein: Yes.

That’s their plan.

God: I’m afraid it is.

*Later*

Lacey: So…the plan…is to do what?

Jeffrey Epstein: Well…Lady Rosslyn…the plan…is to TAKE YOU DOWN.

*He rolls his eyes*

That’s it…in a nutshell.

Lacey: I’m mad at Prince Richard- NO. Prince…-

Prince Richard?

No.

Prince…

Daniel Rene: It’s Prince Andrew.

Lacey: Thank you.

I’m mad at Prince Richard. No! Prince Andrew.

How dare he!!!

WHAT A TRAITOR!

Jeffrey Epstein: They do and do not…mean to attack their own class.

Lacey: They’re horrible.

Absolutely horrible.

So…the plan is to make me…into poop?

Jeffrey Epstein: Yes.

Lacey: I do hold Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip accountable. I’m sorry.

Jeffrey Epstein: *Shrugs*

Lacey: *Keeps being interrupted by the demonic before she can think or speak.*

Queen Elizabeth II: Are we working to obliterate ourselves? Or what?

Lacey: AMEN.

A White American Christian Man: I AIN’T DONE NOTHING WRONG!

A Black American Christian Man: Who said you did something wrong?

A White American Christian Man: YOU DID!

*He tries to laugh with Lacey at the Black American man. But it actually just offends her.*

Lacey: I’m not expecting him to support me.

Just so you know.

Both the Black and White American Christian man: She’s talking about me. *They say at the same time.*

A dead African man: Why do you reject her?

A Black American Christian man: She ain’t shit!

I guarantee you. She’s RACIST.

*He laughs at Lacey.*

A white guy in California: HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU THAT DUMB!?

A Black American Christian man: Because.

I know…

Tutankhamen: No…you really don’t.

A Black American Christian man: YES I DO!

Tutankhamen: Are you INSANE!?

How do you KNOW that???

A Black American Christian man: Are you Black?

Tutankhamen: That’s what they say.

A Black American Christian man: FUCK YOU!

She is!

Tutankhamen: You’re a snake.

A Black American Christian man: FUCK YOU!!!

Tutankhamen: Oh wow.

Now I’m a Master? A white master? And you’re some poor downtrodden Black slave?

A Black American man: Yes.

Tutankhamen: We didn’t enslave The Blacks in Egypt.

You were my rich neighbor.

What’s wrong with you?

A Black American Christian man: *Looks awkward*

*Vomits from confusion. Literally vomits from intellectual confusion.*

Tutankhamen: Let him.

He needs to work it out.

A Black Christian man: How is she not the snake?

Tutankhamen: You’re brainwashed.

A Black American Christian man: Why are they attacking your sister?

Tutankhamen: *Thinks*

JFK used to brag. That he was bigger than me.

Make sense?

A Black American Christian man: I am SO gullible.

Tutankhamen: Doesn’t work.

No.

You’re a stupid snake.

You’re not looking for truth.

I just told you truth. You don’t know how to handle it?

A Black American Christian man: FUCK YOU.

The CIA: You’re saying that..to TUTANKHAMEN?

A Black American Christian man: *Thinks*

See…Casi told me better.

She told me…Lacey poor.

The CIA: But that’s TUTANKHAMEN.

A Black Christian man in America: I don’t like that narrative.

I like what she say much better.

Elon Musk: But…Lacey isn’t RACIST.

Casi may be.

I may be.

Bobby Kennedy Junior may be a REAL racist.

Barack Obama: He’s racist.

He can’t handle it.

She’s African. Potentially.

Tutankhamen: He’s psychically attacking her now. As she’s trying to eat lunch.

Listen! What’s she promising you?

Emperor Constantine: What dumb American phony intellectuals never could accept is that Africa…was POOR when we invaded it in Europe. It was decaying.

It had been MUCH more grand. It was VULNERABLE…and in decay.

Yes. It was still rich.

But we didn’t invade it…at its peak.

Queen Elizabeth II: The problem…Richard…is POVERTY.

Lacey: But poverty isn’t evil.

Tutankhamen: True.

It’s why…I was smashing everything to bits.

*Later.*

A German in AfD: Lacey…I’m so sorry.

You’re in the wrong country.

Everything you’re writing is accurate. I can tell it’s not you.

They can’t.

Well, some of it is you.

Look…we don’t want concentration camps. We want…Nazi Germany. Without the evil stuff.

Lacey: That’s what I wondered.

A German in AfD: Your country-

Lacey: Is copying you.

A German in AfD: They do that!

Germans aren’t ugly. Fat. Stupid. No!

We have…good ideas.

Putin: What will I do if you support me!?

A German in AfD: *Laughing*

You trickster!

Putin: DAMMIT!

A German in AfD: See…you have to be smarter than them.

An American German Presbyterian: You do go a bit too far.

A German in AfD: We need teeth.

An American German Presbyterian: Yes.

But you can’t be foolish.

A German in AfD: *Thinks*

Tom Banks: Where are you going with your…logic?

A German in AfD: Okay.

Fair point.

Maybe we are just…sneaking up on them.

Tom Banks: But…you’ll get yourself in trouble that way. Eventually. They’re-

It’s like dealing with the worst of Hell.

A German in AfD: What demon…Casi…told you she was the descendant of German aristocracy?

Queen Elizabeth II: She’s not a bad person, Lacey.

Why are you so sure she is?

A White American Christian man:

Fern Smith: Are you going to make John Belter run for President?

Jeff Bezos: Would that fix things?

Fern Smith: Yeah.

A White American Christian man: Because she made Ron Schneider…sacrifice…DOLLY PARTON.

To keep Fern Smith alive. Just a week longer.

Putin: I did that.

Not her.

And it was the right decision.

A White American Christian man: Yup.

A Black American Christian man: How did y’all figure that out?

Queen Elizabeth II: What is “Casi” promising you?

A White American Christian man: Oh!

You’re avoiding the truth on TikTok? Okay.

Nice try, darkie.

The GOP in Minnesota: What was Fern A. Smith?

The CIA: Ahh…

According to Israeli officials: An Ancient African Aristocrat. Very rich. Very impressive.

Ben Y.: I did try to marry her. She wasn’t interested.

Fern: *Rolls her eyes*

I don’t think I could handle the intense pressure and poverty.

Ben: Okay!

Fern: *Cries*

Israel: WE ARE NOT STUPID.

A White American Christian man: Why was keeping her alive useful!?

Dolly: *Cries*

A White American Christian Man: Why?

Russia: She’s dangerous.

Fern.

Dolly…isn’t.

If we let Fern die…before…battening down the hatches. We find ourselves in deep trouble.

Gloria had to die too.

Yes. Possible nuclear war.

We clearly made the better choice.

Belter: Are you attacking me?

Putin: *Thinks*

Fern: *Laughs*

Putin: No, John, I’m not.

Belter: What do you want?

Putin: Not peace. I’m not ready for peace.

Belter: Fine!

I’ll have to hold my country together somehow.

Say! Got any good ideas?

Putin: *Laughs*

Belter: No!

I’m serious!

Putin: *Laughs*

Belter: Don’t be an ass.

Putin: *Thinks*

Alright fine!

I do!

China: We can brainstorm!

Belter: Hold on.

Are we operating as gentleman? Or not?

China: *Gets nervous*

India: As gentleman!!

Iran: Hey! John. Can you lay off!?

Belter: We’ll get around to that!

But you’ll have to hang on. I’m queuing.

*He laughs*

Iran: *Shrugs*

God: And…in about ten years? You’re MUCH better off.

India: *Looks concerned*

*Lacey makes a “Pink Drink”*

Lacey: I can’t handle this!

God: I know. You didn’t expect it to work that well.

Lacey: Are we in Hell?

God: Close.

Lacey: What is going on!?

God: There’s a catastrophe.

The poor deserve sympathy. But by selling children…they’ve destroyed their defenses. Within the last 30 years. In the West, and globally.

They’re about to all be slaughtered, Lacey.

You can’t save them. You’ve tried.

And attacking you…is the WORST thing they could possibly be doing right now. Satan was inspiring it, years ago. Now…he’s scared.

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: Lacey…I like them better in store. Do you?

Lacey: No.

Actually…I like my version better.

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: It might be better.

I just think it tastes better in Starbucks.

Casi: Yeah! You don’t go to Starbucks.

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: *Nods and rolls her eyes*

Casi: I know.

Right?

*She laughs with the woman.*

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: We make them every week.

*She laughs*

Lacey: They’re growing on me.

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: *Nods*

Well…-

Yeah. Okay. I like mine too.

Honestly…what do you use?

Lacey: Frozen cut up strawberries. Unsweetened coconut milk-

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: From a can?

Lacey: YES!

And the Ocean Spray-

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: And ice?

Lacey: Yes.

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: I don’t use frozen strawberries.

Lacey: TRY IT!

A Woman who has to budget the ingredients to make homemade “Pink Drinks”: I maybe will.

Thanks.

*Later.*

A White American Christian male: Do you practice divination?

Lacey: No.

God: She’s extremely overwhelmed.

Lacey you’re with Lem. If he’s messed-up…I’ll fix him. Or destroy him and remake him. Or…something. But you’re with him.

If that bothers you and you’re reading this…take it up with me.

I was allowing Elliott to help, but Mark is struggling. He needs help. Lem and him are friends. They golf together.

He’s mad that Elliott is in his house.

A reader: I have to think there’s reincarnation…or maybe he means in the future.

God: YES.