Lacey sits in her living-room, waiting for a lemon cheesecake to finish baking in the oven.
Eric: What did you make for dinner?
Lacey: Baked potatoes, chicken, and green beans. With gravy.
Eric: And you drank a Stella Artois?
Lacey: Three fourths of one. Cold.
Eric: That’s a nice night.
Lacey: That part of the evening has gone well.
Eric: What’s your recipe for the dinner?
Lacey: I’ll just share the gravy.
Put chicken breasts in a frying pan, cook on each side for a few minutes, on high. In olive oil. Season. And then add chicken broth and cook on a lower heat. Covered. Add more chicken broth. Deglaze, if necessary. Add cornstarch, after chicken is removed. Bring to a boil.
Season more. Let simmer a little bit longer.
Eric: Seems simple.
Lacey: Yes!
The tricky part for me is the seasoning. Getting that just right.
Eric: Have you made cheesecake before?
Lacey: Yes! Although, only once. It wasn’t good, but it was edible.
Eric: How did the caramels turn out?
Lacey: WELL! They’re a success.
A neighbor: Does she cook like this all of the time?
Eric: Yes.
Are you still hungry?
Lacey: Yes.
*She laughs*
Eric: What else do you think you’ll eat?
Lacey: *Thinks*
A peanut butter sandwich, and milk.
I wish we had pickles. Actually, I think we do!
Eric: I’m eating a bowl of fruit. With granola.
Lacey: That’s admirable! If only…
Eric: Homemade graham cracker crust?
Lacey: Yes!
I’m eating hot salsa with sour cream and Tostitos instead.
Eric: So…if I was alive in Great Britain, would I be able to get married? To a man.
Lacey: Not legally.
But in people’s hearts and minds? Yes.
Eric: I think you’re missing the point. People were angry.
Stop being so…decent. Just…listen to the emotion.
I’m going to be Casi.
Casi: Lacey! I don’t know what you mean, I’m not ill-bred! How dare you! You’re a cold-hearted person! Goodbye loser! Goodbye rubbish.
Eric: Now…respond to the emotion.
Lacey: *Thinks*
I’d start laughing. It’s so overly dramatic.
But that’s mean?
Umm…-
“Okay!! Thank you!”
Eric: *Laughs*
I’ll try to be her again, “NO! THANK YOU! Thank you, for bringing your arrogance into the perfume world. You’re a BITCH!”
Lacey: You’re welcome.
Eric: She says, “YOU’RE A BITCH!”
Lacey: I just ignore her now.
Eric: I’ll be Alisha. “In Washington the homes are more expensive.”
Lacey: Well-
“Wait, are you dyslexic?”
Eric: *Laughs*
Then she says, “Yes, although I don’t know what that has to do with this conversation.”
Lacey: Oh, okay. Nevermind.
Eric: She’s silent now.
Let’s do Franny, “You sound exactly how I thought you’d sound on camera.”
Lacey: Yikes! That’s sad. I’m not captured well.
Eric: She just laughs at you.
Lacey: And I say, “Oh my god! You’re not that smart or pretty huh?”
Eric: She reposts it and reports you. If she can. Maybe calls the FBI.
He cracks-up laughing.
Lacey: Were they really so trashy?
Eric: Yes.
You’ve missed it, because you’re so out of the loop. And you’re such a genuinely nice person.
Lacey: What a WEIRD way to talk.
Eric: People don’t, when they’re well-bred, as often. And it’s actually relatively modern. The Greatest Generation didn’t talk like that as often, if ever.
Would you call the way we talk now innocent? Or that?
Lacey: Now.
It seems…glib. But it’s just icky.
It makes me want to rip my tongue out.
A Muslim: She’s not kidding.
A hater: Why?
Lacey: It’s SOOO stupid.
I mean…it’s like a verbal pogo stick. You go up and down- YUCK!
Edgar Allan Poe: People started talking like this in the 80s. People were a lot more careful about how they said things in the past and people call it innocent now, but it really wasn’t. It was more intellectually sophisticated, and rigorous.
You had to actually mean what you were saying and think about what you were saying. You couldn’t just assume that everyone was going to telepathically and psychically read you like a shrink or a psychic.
I don’t think any of you have understood literature, or art who are in this conversation acting like she’s an idiot for not understanding what you people have been doing this whole time. 
People really didn’t start doing this in conversation until the 1980s. I mean we’re going in circles for idiots. They call it a more simple innocent time because people don’t know how to respect other people anymore.
I’m just like her. I’m cold and dry because I’m actually saying something.
You people are dumb. You don’t realize that people back then spoke the way they wrote.
It’s also almost as if none of you have really watched any movies or television shows from the past. They weren’t doing what people do today. You people really are that different than her and me too.
And no, you’re not smarter. I’m sorry.
Keen to Cross the Pond 