Brandy

Lacey: The song “Brandy” by Looking Glass isn’t about homosexuality.

It can be interpreted that “the sea” is a man. Just code for a man. But…I really don’t think it works…that well.

Bobby: No.

I caught you.

Lem was gay. And you’re Brandy.

Lacey: No. That’s not the song.

The idea of the song is that some jerk broke her heart and now she’s a loose woman. And she’s got a great figure!

Bobby: No.

Lacey: No, that’s the accurate interpretation.

Bobby: Men don’t truly love the sea.

What’s that about?

The CIA: Bobby, are you serious?!

That’s-

*They look shocked*

Bobby: Yes!

Yes, my family loves sailing. SO WHAT!?

Men don’t love the sea!!?

Lacey: No. They can.

Sailing can actually be that fun.

Bobby: How would you know that if you’re not my uncle reincarnated?

*He laughs at her.*

Lacey: Bobby….a lot of people love sailing. A LOT.

Bobby: She’s such a joke!

Lacey: No.

A lot of people can love sailing.

It’s real.

The idea is that…you truly love the sport so much…that you just…- It’s your first passion. And few things replace that.

Could this man settle down? Yes. He’s lying. But…first and foremost, he’s devoted to himself and his love of sailing.

Bobby: No. That’s about a man.

He’s just closeted.

Lacey: No. It’s not.

It’s about a jerk who refuses to settle down. But, at the end of the day…it’s a blessing in disguise. Because…why would you want him anyway? He’s in love with someone else.

It’s not about a man. But even if it was…that man is just another human.

Bobby: You don’t get it.

I’m just trying to insult you.

Lacey: If I don’t argue with you…you’re going to get carried away.

No. It’s not about homosexuality.

No. You can really love the sea. Not in a sexual way…but rather just…as what it is.

No. She’s really a tragic woman.

Bobby: She’ll be fine. She’ll just marry Lem.

*He laughs*

Lacey: Good!

Bobby: And Lem was gay.

Lacey: He can’t be. In this plot-line.

Bobby: Why?

Lacey: Because she’s Brandy.

Bobby: What does she know about men? Really! She’s probably a lesbian.

Lacey: No. She’s not.

And sadly, she knows plenty.

Bobby: *fuming angry at this point*

SO SHE’S A SLUT!?

Lacey: Yes. I’m not, but she is. Or at least, that’s very likely.

Bobby: *Thinks*

I don’t like Brandy.

Lacey: Why?

Bobby: She’s not interested in dating me.

Lacey: I’m sorry.

Does she have a friend?

Bobby: I wanted Brandy.

Lacey: Yes! THEE Brandy.

Well…-

Shoot.

Maybe you’d like her friend better anyway?

Bobby: I hate Brandy.

Lacey: Why? Because you can’t have her?

Bobby: DUH!

Lacey: But she’s not for you. You wouldn’t even like her anyway!

(Adult content below)

Bobby: Let me tell you something…

My father…felt snubbed by your husband. Daily.

Do you have any idea how rude you and Lem are?

Lacey: Well maybe not. Go on?

Bobby: I just wanted a date with Brandy. And she all-

*He looks hurt*

Lacey: You almost married her three times. How well does it actually work?

Bobby: *Laughs*

None of my wives…have looked like BRANDY.

BE HONEST.

I’m actually mad for a reason.

Lacey: Can’t you find some…charming, nubile fraulein in Germany?

Bobby: As much as I’m accused of being a white nationalist…no.

I am actually kind of short, Lacey.

*He looks sad.*

Lacey: *Looks sad*

Well…maybe in Heaven you’ll be quite tall.

Bobby: I want a fraulein who likes me now.

Lacey: *Thinks*

Do you sometimes cheat before she can?

Bobby: I’m a narcissist.

I’m such a weirdo.

But yes!

Lacey: Makes sense.

Of course, that’s not the right thing to do.

…How much do you really like the way we look? Really? Don’t sell yourself on it.

Bobby: You look more like Lem than Elliott.

*He laughs*

Elliott is good-looking, but…you do seem like the female Lem.

*He thinks*

You know who I found attractive?!

Lacey: Who?

Bobby: The wife I think I had in my life in the American South.

Lacey: Did you really like that better than Lem and me?

Bobby: *He laughs/smirks*

*And if there’s reincarnation he shuts his eyes and cries, in pain.*

Lacey: What did she look like?

Bobby: *He laughs*

Platinum blonde.

*He does a chef’s kiss.*

Natural platinum blond.

Lacey: Go on?

Listen to “Autumn Days” by Morunas.

Bobby: I am Brandy. In a way.

*He winces and drinks from his beer, in his mind. With Lacey behind the counter. Serving.*

You’re like us, in that way. I feel at home here.

Lacey: Yeah.

*She smiles*

So…what else?!

Bobby: *Eyes closed, crying in real pain, if there’s reincarnation.*

She was…gorgeous. *He says with his eyes still closed.*

*He smirks*

I’ve never gotten over her. It’s real. If there’s reincarnation, she’s still got me!

Lacey: What actually happened?

Bobby: Well…-

Man…-

See…I tell myself I could get her now. In an instant. Easy as pie! But…- *He laughs*

She was truly exceptional. Kind of like you, except blond. *He smiles*

We were in love. Or so I thought.

*He cries*

It was during World War II. I was from a poor white southern family. Not…really poor…but…poor.

Anyway, she was too. And we kind of grew-up together.

We…dated. And…I thought I had her. Really had her.

I went off to war. And she cheated. She broke my heart.

*He laughs*

*He can barely control himself.*

…It was like…being stabbed in the face. Stabbed in the heart. I’ve never gotten over it!

*He thinks*

I mean, she was a worthless tramp. But…it’s funny. I can’t let it go.

And then I died. In the war.

Lacey: Who did she cheat with?

Bobby: *Thinks*

I’m a terrible person. I don’t care enough about those poor kids-

*He winces in guilt*

Just to be loved a little by a real mom. Not abused.

Anyway…-

*He regains composure.*

Some guy-

*He cries*

Some guy who worked at the store.

Lacey: The store in town?

Bobby: Yeah!

*He nods and cries*

Some jerk.

Lacey: What did he have that you didn’t? Let’s be brutally honest.

Bobby: *He thinks*

Money!

Lacey: *Thinks*

Were you a jerk?

Listen to “Hot Blooded” by New Constellations.

Bobby: Back then?

No.

Not really.

Lacey: *Smiles*

We know.

It wasn’t just the money.

Bobby: *Thinks*

Why would a woman want that!??

Lacey: YEAH!

They’re IDIOTS.

I’m not. Thank GOD.

But…I think she was stubborn and dumb.

Bobby: Well, now I am too.

*He laughs*

Lacey: But it’s not the same.

She did it first.

Bobby: *He looks sad*

Lacey: Here’s the good news.

You’re…better than that-

Well, I guess that’s not good-

She’s still just an idiot.

It’s meaningless. I feel sorry for her.

Can you imagine being that meaningless? As a person?!

Bobby: *Thinks*

HOW DID I FALL FOR HER!?

Lacey: *Smiles*

Well…poor thing. Was she kind of…fun sometimes?

Bobby: *smirks*

Yes.

Lacey: You had real fun together?

Bobby: We did.

Lacey: She was…an original.

Bobby: Yeah!!

Damn!

She was…so beautiful.

Lacey: Would you even want her? Now?

Bobby: *Thinks*

Yes.

Lacey: *Laughs*

Bobby: No!

She’s great.

A German woman: This is concerning to me as a parent. I really don’t think if there’s reincarnation that you’ve ever told anyone this before.

If you were my son, you would never be seeing that little brat ever again. 

Lacey: Well…he is a man though, and he has to figure that out for himself.

A man listening: That’s true!

Lacey: I think women like that are fascinating and so are men like that. You know that from experience now, but you kind of either love someone or you don’t-

Bobby: No! She loved me!!!

SHE DID!

Lacey: *Smiles*

What do you think about her brain now that you know a little bit more of what is going through her head? I’m sorry to say.

Bobby: Well…-

Why did she cheat on me?

Lacey: *Lacey thinks*

Is she different than you?

Bobby: Yes.

Lacey: So you still don’t have her completely figured out? 

Bobby: Yes!

Lacey: I understand how frustrating what you’re talking about is.

Bobby: *Thinks*

Lacey: You know…-

I think she was after excitement?

Bobby: *Thinks*

Huh.

Lacey: Would you get bored with her?

Bobby: Maybe.

Lacey: Yeah, because how dumb is this person?

Bobby: Yeah!

Lacey: Could you talk about politics with her or would it just go right over her head?

Bobby: *Cries*

She would only understand half of what I was talking about.

Lacey: Yeah.

I think you’re gonna have to confront this woman someday in person and just be really brave for yourself and just accept that if she doesn’t want you…you’re better off without her.

Bobby: *Nods*

Was she gay?

Lacey: Huh.

And she wanted to be an independent city woman?

Bobby: *cracks up laughing, and nods*

Lacey: Maybe.

What do you think? Was that her secret wish or was she just kind of a buffoon?

Bobby: I don’t know. If there’s reincarnation I wouldn’t even know anymore.

Lacey: Well, she’s either an idiot, or she broke your heart, and she may or may not cognitively understand how dumb what she did was for herself. Because it sounds like there was something special between you. So I really think you’re gonna have to just go confront her in person and have a real, brave, manly discussion, on your part.

Bobby: On my part?

Lacey: Yes!!!

YOU ARE THE MAN. Not her.

Bobby: I just fall apart.

Lacey: Doesn’t mean you’re not the man.

Bobby: *cries*

*And at that Louis Hill Junior picks him up and carries him out. Like Bobby is a crying little boy. It’s not unloving. If anything, it reminds him slightly of his father Bobby Senior.*