Destabilizing

Lem: You know Lacey was actually the innocent person. You know Casi is a gross, evil hearted thief. A copycat. So was Marjolijn at times. A lot of people copied Lacey!

But the perfume industry chose to side with Casi and Marjolijn and all the other thieves, in their attack. You chose to deny reality.

The perfume community chose to DENY REALITY. And because of that, they’re destabilizing the whole industry. They may have some inkling of that already, but…not necessarily.

Do you all understand or not?

The perfume industry: Umm…-

What’s Lacey’s birthday?

God: I’m saying it’s September 22nd. Yes, that’s creepy. Considering her legal birthday is November 22nd. Oh well. It’s possible Thelma thought it was a good sign, like a good omen.

Yes. Lem helped assassinate JFK…on Lacey’s legal birthday.

The perfume industry: *They laugh*

Does she really do things like make homemade caramels? And…grow lavender?

God: Very much so!

The perfume industry: What’s for breakfast this morning?

God: A homemade egg sandwich. With sriracha. A homemade caramel. Tea. And juice.

The perfume industry: *Laughs*

What’s for breakfast for you, Casi?

Casi: Frozen sausage patties. With syrup. And…old tropical juice?

The perfume industry: Don’t take Kratom today?

Casi: *Laughs, as if they’re in some secret mutual joke together*

The perfume industry: We’ve released some real duds in the last five years. Is that related?

God: Yup!

Didn’t you all used to get really excited about her posts? Like you looked forward to them?

The perfume industry: Yes.

God: THAT WAS HER, NOT ANY OF YOU.

So now…you have trouble.

Why did you all have to take her beauty…SO PERSONALLY? It’s not necessarily about any of you, almost at all.

Lem: So y’all don’t want to fight the Kennedy Regime? You’d rather attack Lacey?

America: *Thinks*

Oops.

Lem: Are you aware that women like Casi use gullible men of today, for power and control over other women?

The perfume industry: No? But Casi isn’t as pretty as Lacey…

Lem: Okay? Why are you even saying that?

The perfume industry: Huh.

Lem: *Laughs*

Feminism actually did change things.

Casi is a bigger, more physically strong person than Lacey. And where she loses in the bedroom…because Lacey’s more fertile and sexy…she wins on the court. Not in a courtroom, but on the court.

If there wasn’t a patriarchy, Casi would just beat a lot of people shitless, or threaten to. And she may have even gotten into physical altercations with men. But “the patriarchy” exists because of real women like Lacey, real men of the past (at least) and an actual need for male leadership. Good, healthy male leadership. …Let’s be real. Humanity isn’t so stupid. The patriarchy exists for a real, practical reason.

However, the patriarchy doesn’t serve women like Casi, NOT LACEY, well. Because Casi is much much laden with testosterone than Lacey. And she can’t be as content with a husband as Lacey can. Making caramels. Growing wheat and sewing dresses.

*Lacey and Lem laugh together*

Casi wants power, like a man. But she also wants to be loved like a woman. Possibly by a man, possibly by a woman. That’s NOT ME…and THAT’S DEFINITELY NOT LACEY.

The problem in the situation at hand is that Casi was pretending to be Lacey. ALL of her haters were. Because they wanted to be her, not themselves. They wanted to be Lacey, but not with any of the problems. They wanted to marry me…but never have to clean my shoes, and look forward to it. “I’m desperate to get these clean!!!” she may have easily said to me. And being a real man of the past I’d have said nothing. I’d have kicked them off in the basement and walked away, or I’d have laid them on the ground in the washroom. Because I’m not angry about it, I’m just relieved she’s doing her job in our house so happily and I wanna get my shoes off and take a shower! Maybe have some dinner…

Can you really imagine Casi…cheerfully and meticulously cleaning my shoes? Buffing them? No. *He laughs* Buffing them before she serves me a hot, homemade dinner. No spice packets. …No, that’s Lacey.

Lacey’s realtor (?): Lem…why didn’t you and Lacey like the house in Marine on Saint Croix?

Lem: It’s a gorgeous house.

We honestly hate to walk away.

But here’s the real problem: It’s well water. And Lacey has had bad experiences with well water. So have I…actually. When I was alive.

A woman: But you just…check it.

Lem: Yup.

We just can’t handle it.

*He smiles*

It’s a beautiful house though!

Lacey’s realtor (?): Does Mark understand?

Lem: I think he has some inkling…

See, he’s never lived in a house with well water. I have.

Lacey’s realtor (?): *Nods*

Where did you have well water?

Lem: In a farm. Lacey is hearing me say both Maryland and Pennsylvania. Oh well.

Around about there…

The perfume community: Well water can be better though!

Lem: It can! But we’ve had it…and we just don’t prefer it. It’s not personal.

Let’s get back to what we were talking about.

Lacey’s realtor (?): Could I have sold you on that?

Lem: Well…-

Almost.

*He laughs*

I’m sure it’s good water! But it just…freaks us out. I’m sorry.

A day trader: Why?

Lem: The smell. The way it tastes. Stuff like that…

It’s a gorgeous house. I hope it sells soon!

Another reader: What happened to the two of you? With well water?

Lem: We had harsh parents.

I’m sorry, I’m just being honest. They were excellent parents in many ways. But…we really weren’t allowed to complain. Ever. So…sometimes we were forced to drink well water, straight from the tap…no ice…as kids. And…it was fine. Perfectly safe. But…it smelled bad and tasted weird. You know? Stuff kids hate.

Lacey’s realtor (?): And so she doesn’t want her kids experiencing that.

Lem: They wouldn’t. She’s already careful. But it traumatized us.

Gorgeous house though.

An aging Boomer: Why did we ever try to analyze our parent’s sex lives? What a stupid idea.

Another Boomer: Well, we had our reasons.

An aging Boomer: *Laughs*

But he’s not gay!

I can tell!

Do you have any idea how weird that is for me!?

Another Boomer: See…I want to know the truth. I prefer knowing that.

An aging Boomer: I don’t.

I feel too creeped out.

Another Boomer: But-

Isn’t it nice to know? He’s not who we thought he was.

An aging Boomer: *Stares, mouth ajar.*

Another Boomer: What?

An aging Boomer: He’s…not gay. That’s…-

I didn’t want to know what he was doing in bed anyway. But they tell you that now.

It’s just weird.

Another Boomer: *Thinks*

Maybe you’re right. But I like knowing the truth.

A Gen. X guy: I’m bothered by Wikipedia. How can we know his orientation with such certainty? There’s something…extremely disturbing about that.

The CIA: Yeah.

A Gen. X guy: I feel like presumed gay is appropriate. Why can’t we say that!?

The CIA: Because it leaves the door open for doubt, and some people can’t handle that in regard to him. They need the public to completely believe he’s gay. …Safety in numbers for their increasingly fragile delusions.

An aging Boomer: Did we make Casi’s life better?

The perfume community: Lem? Were you done?

Lem: No. But he’s asking a good question.

So…you let yourself exonerate Casi…using Lacey’s identity. Of course, that’s sick as hell.

In truth, Casi is a cutthroat, difficult, rude woman. Totally different from women of the past. Her wearing Chanel No. 22 as her signature is a farce. *He laughs.*

What a joke! Anyway, Lacey can’t wear Mon Guerlain the way Casi does. It smells amazing on Lacey, but…it was designed for my grandkids and daughter. Not…my wife. …It’s real science.

They romanticized us. They romanticized Chanel No. 22 because Lacey is a gorgeous woman. And it was Instagram. And they couldn’t see her humanity. Just…the beauty of Chanel No. 22.

And when they did find her humanity…they made it pure evil, in their wicked imaginations. No empathy. No integrity. No respect. No…insight.

An aging Boomer: Do you understand why he got so confused, Lacey? With Jack?

Lacey: *Smiling*

Yes! I really do.

I feel terrible for him. Lem, that is.

I’ve been more hurt by other things. Not Jack’s gender. Maybe what Jack did with his gender, but not his gender in and of itself.