To Clarify, In Conclusion

Lacey: Do you all, in the perfume community, think I’m poor?

The perfume community: No.

Lacey: Are there any caveats?

The perfume community: YES!!! Oh my god, yes!!!!

Lacey: Wow!

What are they?

The perfume community: You’re not rich. You’re technically rich. But you’re not impressive, at all.

I HATE YOU.

I’m SO SOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING SUPERIOR TO YOU! HOLY SHIT YOU’RE SHIT COMPARED TO ALMOST ALL OF US.

Lacey: Dang!

So how wealthy is the most wealthy person in the community?

The perfume community: *After some time.*

YES!

*Lacey waits*

Yes, we do.

*Lacey waits*

Ahh…$4 million net.

Lacey: I have a cousin worth $15. So…

That’s super cool.

How many of you are that wealthy?

The perfume community: That’s not your cousin!

Lacey: Nope. It is.

That’s Matt’s cousin too.

So how many of you are that wealthy?

The perfume community: About a dozen.

Lacey: Out of thousands and thousands of people?

The perfume community: Yes!

More than you have!!!

Geez!

*They laugh at her*

Lacey: Wow! So combined they’re worth $60 million. My father Tom was worth that much, or more.

The perfume community: Yeah.

Lacey: Do you comprehend what I’m saying?

The perfume community: *Thinks*

Yes!

You had a dad who was…super elite. But he’s dead now. So…who cares?

Lacey: Huh.

How much do you think the perfume community is worth, en aggregate?

The perfume community: $400,000,000.00.

Lacey: And that’s the total net worth of how many people world wide?

The perfume community: 8 million people.

Lacey: So that’s a net worth of $50?

The perfume community: *Thinks*

Lacey: If you divide $400 million by 8 million you get 50.

The perfume community: *Thinks*

You meant the whole community.

God: Those the numbers I provided.

The perfume community: *Shakes its head no*

Okay, see…I meant the popular people. On Instagram.

God: So that’s 2 million people. Now. It used to be far less. But I’m going to estimate it at about 2 million.

The perfume community: No. I mean people who have a big collection. Over 50 bottles.

God: Okay.

That’s 600,000 people.

The perfume community: Wow!

How much did Lacey-

So…-

Wow. 600,000 people!!?

God: Yes. And among those 600,000 we can whittle it down to 300,000 if we include an account with over 400 followers?

You’d be surprised by how many shy people there are. They collect bottles but they don’t post much. They seem…only vaguely interested in their gallery.

The perfume community: Let’s leave it at 600,000.

God: It was 200,000 in 2015. By the way.

The net worth is around $45 million. For all of them.

Lacey: So $75.

God: Yes.

Lacey: So there are many people with negative net worth?

God: YES! Over 40,000.

Lacey: How much is the most negative?

God: $200,000.00, not including their mortgage. Most of them are only $30,000.00 or so in the hole.

There are actually people worth more than $4 million. Whoever you’re talking to, is delusional. Or, the community as a whole, is delusional.

…Some people have a net worth of around $20 million. But they’re very quiet about it. And there’s only about two of them.

No. They’re not old money.

Listen to “Danse Macabre” by Saint-Saëns.

Lacey: So how many are 30,000 negative?

God: Five. But it all adds up.

Five are negative $30,000.00. One is negative $200,000.00. Most are negative far less. But they’re still in the hole. And it all adds up.

Lacey: How much is the oil in my family worth, at current rates?

God: $8 trillion. You have $8 trillion in the ground still.

Of course it’s in the ground, but…it’s around $8 trillion.

6:43

Lacey: So they’re weighing $45 million collectively gathered by 600,000 people…against $8 trillion!?!! IN OIL. …And they’re confident that they totally kick butt?

The song ends.

Listen to “In the Hall of the Mountain King” by Grieg.

God: Yes.

1:35

The perfume community: WE…WON!

2:18

The song ends.

Listen to “Toccata & Fugue in D Minor” by Bach.

Lacey: How did you win?

The perfume community: *Thinks*

When I stop and think about the numbers? Okay. I didn’t win.

Fine.

But when I stop and think about…the glory of the AMAZING community that’s left…doing their thing…I-

*They laugh, making-fun of Lacey*

I feel…sad. Because…we are filthy rich.

Lacey: How are you filthy rich? The numbers aren’t there.

The perfume community: Because.

The numbers…lie.

Listen to “The Power” by SNAP!.

God: How do you all figure that?

The perfume community: We have…drive.

We have…ambition.

We have…everything.

God: Then where is the money?

The perfume community: We have friends.

God: Anyone worth $8 trillion on American soil in oil?

The perfume community: No, but that’s worthless.

Lacey: How is it worthless?

The perfume community: Because it’s oil. In the ground.

If it was in a tanker? It would be worth something. But it still has to be drilled.

Lacey: Like in a ship on the Strait of Hormuz?

The perfume community: Yes.

You have the oil. Okay cool.

But none of you are in politics, like the Kennedys. All you do is ski.

Ski and…read books.

*They scoff*

You’re too nice to be impressive.

And you’re not evil enough either.

…I’m a bigger deal.