Eric: You were about to lose Lacey this morning. Why?
Lem: Because she didn’t understand what happened with Jack.
Listen to “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts” by Freddy Martin.
Lacey walks into the film “Requiem For a Dream” and is allowed to break the fourth wall.
She walks up to them and yells in their faces, “YOU’RE A DRUG ADDICT!”, repeatedly. “YOU SHOULDN’T USE DRUGS!!!!”
Then Lacey walks into the film “Gone With the Wind”. She walks up to everyone, ties them up with metal chains and confines the entire Deep South into dungeons.
Then she asks God to explain race.
Then she cuts off the heads of some people. And forces the rest to do the right thing.
1:34
Lacey: *Smiling*
Wouldn’t that be nice!? Gosh.
*She sighs, dreamily*
If only.
God: Yeah. You’d go around all of human history and correct everything.
*He says to her, like a father.*
Lacey: Why did you let us be so stupid?
I don’t understand what you were creating here. It’s an absolute mess.
2:28
Eric: But you were, what?
Lem: I was…brainwashed. As a child. By well-intentioned but misguided parents.
I was Jack’s friend because I felt sorry for him and I had the wrong idea about life. From my parents.
Lacey is mine. But this is why she was unable to resist Elliott, in 2021. Because…he’d never have been dumb enough to think he could be Jack’s actual friend. And…I didn’t realize I wasn’t gay.
The song ends.
A gay man from 2026: I don’t understand how you acted gay. Why would anyone do that!?
Lem: It was all acting. That’s what you’re saying, really. That it’s not just acting. But it actually was.
I was good as impersonating people. It used to say that on Wikipedia. That I did impersonations of people. Sometimes not even by choice.
But…I didn’t have any personality disorders. …I was…straight.
A gay man from 2026: That’s just an impersonation!?
Lem: Yes.
A gay man from 2026: That’s an extremely good impersonation.
Lem: Okay.
Well…that’s all it is. Sorry.
Jeffrey Epstein: I did impersonations like that. Constantly.
I was a deeply insecure, scared psychopath. Yes. All of that. An insecure person who was…a psychopath. It’s more possible than they think?
And I acted like an old money, confident, rich bloke. A crazy-smart wolf.
People almost always fell for it. …If you’re smart enough, you can be that deceptive.
Sorry.
Lem: I was just acting.
I really was just acting.
A gay man from 2026: *Rocks back and forth*
I cannot believe it.
*Looks incredibly disturbed.*
You were real!!!
*He rocks in his seat, looking…deeply distraught.*
YOU HAD TO BE REAL!!
*He falls apart, crying and shaking, rocking himself in his seat.*
Jeff Bezos: Are you afraid of losing Wikipedia as a responsible source?
A gay man from 2026: *Just cries.*
Listen to “Danse Macabre” by Saint Saëns.
Casi: NO!
This cannot be real!
*Now she’s angry.*
2:35
Eric: Lacey.
Let’s talk about you “showing off”.
Lacey: Yes.
Eric: You had a huge misunderstanding. You thought you could “show-off” without truly showing-off.
And…after being harassed for over ten years by the perfume community, you’ve discovered that…it’s at least not common anymore. Now people show off to actually be show-offs. It’s rarely innocent.
Let’s say someone had given you a reaction like they used to. Just…mild approval. A smile and a nod, so to speak. Then what?
Lacey: I would have…stopped.
And then rarely posted. Posted meticulously. …And mostly just gone off to clean and read.
Eric: Okay.
Then what?
Lacey: I clean. And read. Books.
And my whole aesthetic becomes very cerebral and high-minded. Maybe a bit dry. But…oh well.
Eric: So the perfume community’s stolen aesthetic is of a dry, good-hearted, high-minded intellectual, in distress.
*He laughs at them.*
I hope they move on, eventually.
*Later*
A hater: I don’t understand what the point of…whatever you were doing was.
*Sounds legitimately confused.*
Lacey: It’s extremely personal.
But…it’s basically a matter of honor. My honor was insulted as a child. …And it was very traumatic. …And I refused to let it go.
A hater: I’m not-
That’s not American, Lacey.
Sweetie, no. That’s old and not American.
Lacey: *Thinks*
But you did insult my honor.
One of her preschool teachers: Did I insult the entire Rosslyn family?
Lord Loughborough: Yes.
You insulted the entire nation of Scotland.
Lacey: I aimed to put an end to it.
A hater: Interesting…-
But no, we don’t understand. We seriously don’t…understand.
Lacey: Well you did do it.
A hater: I believe we did.
But we didn’t…-
*She shakes her head, silently.*
We didn’t get it? Like…I’d never think you were doing something strategic…to defend the Rosslyn family. On Instagram.
God: These were deep, deep unprocessed concepts. Until the Illuminati decided to fond her evil. To exonerate themselves.
There may not even be reincarnation. But this is what she’s really thinking. She’s defending her family’s name.
A hater: So…I was supposed to just know this!?
Lacey: No.
I assumed you’d made a mistake. Possibly even a horrific mistake. …And…I aimed to let the truth catch you off-guard. Because…it shouldn’t hurt you, unless you’re our…-
*She thinks*
Well, I suppose, our sworn enemy.
A hater: Yeah, none of that-
I’m not going to get that. Any of that.
I’ve never met anyone from the Scottish aristocracy, other than you.
…I can’t process it that way.
I don’t get why you’re-
It goes completely over my head.
Lacey: *Thinks*
So they insulted my family…but there’s nothing I can do about it?
God: If there’s reincarnation, yes.
Lacey: How did they do that!?!
Eric: Lacey has been meticulously plotting her revenge since she was about eight years old. By the way. And no, I’m not kidding. And no, it’s not insane.
God: Yeah.
It was the perfect insult.
It was JFK. He demonically inspired them. Or demons did, rather.
They understand and understood the insult. Danielle Potter, did not. None of those kids understand or understood what they were implying. …They were demonically inspired.
Lacey: *Thinks*
God: NO!
Really.
A reader: How…easily does Putin relate to her?
The Illuminati: They instantly understood each other. And despite it all, they’re in good stead. He demands she like him, as a man. And she respects him, because he’s…actually quite loving…in the manner he demands it.
He demands her genuine respect, for…honorable reasons.
Actually…I think she finds him heroic,
God: But see…his family was actually insulted. If there’s reinforcement. …Those kids never meant to be that insulting. They were, actually. But they didn’t…cognitively know what they were saying to her.
But…if there’s reincarnation…she understands him. Because…they made her live a life where she’s him, essentially. In that regard.
A snickering reader: Why…did that seem like a good idea!?!?
God: The thing is…demons are complicated. So I can’t easily explain them. But the humans involved are vain and stupid and profoundly arrogant. …They didn’t believe she’d ever…interact with him, in this way. …They also assumed Lem was gay, even though I told them otherwise when they died.
When you go ghost hunting…keep this in mind. Some dead people are very unsafe to “hunt”. …Because they’re actually not…dealing with reality. And they’re stuck where they are…for bad reasons.
Some people are processing their feelings. Which is why they’re not constantly haunting you. They just occasionally show-up. And accidentally can be sensed. And yet other people are…choosing evil.
A psychic: How do we know the difference?
God: Well, sacrificing a child…is abhorrent. Do you understand why? Because the child suffers.
Necromancy…is the same. Because you are the child. …There’s no perfectly safe way to approach it. …And as a loving father, I can’t condone it. There are far too many people who could get hurt. Very badly.
A psychic: *Cries*
No, that makes sense.
*Sniffles*
So…you’re saying that…to protect us.
God: You got it.
Absolutely.
A psychic: See…I feel like I can tell.
God: Sometimes you can.
A psychic: *Nods*
God: Sometimes…
There are entities who could fool you. Believe it or not…
A psychic: Like what?
God: This.
She’s completely innocent.
Really!
A psychic: *Smiles*
I wondered if that was true.
Dammit!
*Rubs their head*
So-
So we were trying to avenge the whole family?! Wow. Okay.
Huh.
Lacey: I have no idea what to do.
A psychic: Why?
Lacey: …I’ve been plotting this since childhood. In the back of my mind
A psychic: And no counselor, no parent, no…friend? No one…noticed!?
No one noticed!?!?
God: No one noticed this part of her brain.
A male psychic: *Laughs*
NO ONE!??
God: Yeah.
A male psychic: So…that was a major part of your life?
Lacey: Yes.
A male psychic: So…go back. In your head. Tell yourself they don’t mean to be interested in that kind of thing. It’s not like that.
Now…where does that leave us?
Lacey: *Thinks*
I can’t say.
It’s too sad.
A male psychic: *Looks aghast*
Do you understand what we’re doing?
Lacey: Making assholes of yourselves.
*She smirks*
People in the past weren’t just completely dumb. They were the way they were for reasons.
A male psychic: Okay.
Fine.
Maybe we are.
Kinda.
Lacey: *Smiles*
A male psychic: But…we’re trying? You know?
Lacey: *Nods*
A male psychic: Can you, as an ancient human, be nice? We’re, a lot of, still learning.
Lacey: *Thinks*
Of course.
I just don’t appreciate being sadistically attacked.
A male psychic: Yeah!!!
*Thinks*
Well…and maybe there’s not reincarnation! But…-
So…-
SHIT.
What wasn’t about that, for you?
Lem: Nothing. Other than her family relationships.
That’s literally all she cared about, other than her kids and other family members. Including me.
A male psychic: What exactly did we say!?!
Lem: That…-
*He winces*
Basically that her whole family, and all of Scotland, was…the most worthless shit to ever possibly exist.
Lazy, sloppy, retarded…gross. Vile humans. Poor. Dumb. …Fat. Too shiny. Just…hideous. Completely hideous.
That the Scottish were poor…and hated…because they were vermin. And they deserved it. They were…like human boils. Human parasites.
And her family was the pinnacle of that…atrocity.
A gay man in 2026: He didn’t do that!!!
JFK was actually heterosexual!!!
He wasn’t even gay at all.
I know the truth.
I really do!!!
*He smiles*
The Kennedys are old money!
A man vomiting this morning due to mistakes made by Bobby Kennedy Junior: Are you sure of that!?
A gay man in 2026: YES!
Why, it’s right here. On Wikipedia.
*He smiles*
Wikipedia! My goodness. It’s…well…it’s Wikipedia.
*He smiles*
…They’d never make this kind of mistake!
I’m sure of it!
A Black gay man in 2026: But what if…they’re the Michael Kors bag…of actual old money?
You hear me?
A gay (white) man in 2026: No.
They’re not.
A Black gay man in 2026: Mmmm.
Have you seen all the food recalls?
A gay (white) man in 2026: Yes!
So…what?!
A Black gay man in 2026: No, it’s just…I kinda think he responsible.
A gay (white) man in 2026: That has nothing to do with old money.
The Black man: *Shakes his head no, silently. *
No. It does.
Don’t lie!
We only care about old money because they’re not miserable closeted fuck-ups.
A gay (white) man: *Looks disdainful and uppity.*
Ha!
No, the Kennedys are real old money. And you can’t tell me otherwise!
A Black man: And Lem was gay?
A gay (white) man: Ha! We’re still talking about that? Please! I left that a while ago.
*He sighs, primly and with intense self-adulation.*
A Black man: How much you make?
A gay (white) man: $55,000.00 a year.
A Black man: I make $110,000.00.
A gay (white) man: WELL!
I’m white.
So…-
A Black man: Yeah.
How much your husband make?
A gay (white) man: I don’t have one,
I don’t need a man.
I’m-
A Black man: You’re an independent woman?
*Snickers*
A gay (white) man: How much do you make?
A Black man: He makes $250,000.00. He’s a doctor. He’s white, actually.
A gay (white) man: Well…-
I don’t care.
*He looks nervous.*
We’re friends.
We are.
And she can’t join us.
She’s DUMB.
A Black man: I seen her.
At the opera in Philly.
You been there?
A gay (white) man: The opera!?
Well. My goodness.
*He giggles*
I’m not-
*He fawns over himself.*
I’m not that pretentious.
*He laughs*
A Black man: I’m not either.
It’s damn good music.
Lacey: I agree.
A gay (white) man: *Almost vomits in despair.*
Lacey: *Laughs*
Why can’t he just stop?
*She laughs, lightheartedly.*
My goodness! He’s…-
What is his problem?
*She looks disgusted by him.*
*Later.*
A reader: Umm…-
Are there billionaires using our hatred of her…to justify their actions?
God: If there’s an Illuminati? YES.
A reader: Does Bobby know!?
God: Bobby Kennedy Junior?
A reader: Yeah…
God: No.
He doesn’t take any of that stuff seriously.
A man who reads this blog on occasion: Lacey?
Do you understand what we’re doing?
Lacey: With what?
A man who reads this blog on occasion: We’re actually bragging.
Lacey: *Looks extremely disturbed*
You’re heartless idiots?
God: That’s a real question.
*Later.*
A woman named Andi: Actually…yes.
*She cringes*
No. We are.
Lacey: *Goes into shock.*
Casi: *Smiling delightedly*
Do you really not know what we think of you!?
Lacey: Doesn’t work.
Tom Banks really was a very important man. And he is my father.
I win. End of story.
“Go fuck yourselves, you dogs.” If that’s all you are.
A man: She really was not the person to do this to.
Lacey: True.
But it’s done.
To the haters of good: You’re all HORRIBLE.
BE SMITED.
*Later.*
A (white, middle class) Millennial woman: I don’t hate you.
Lacey: Good for you.
You have no reason to.
*Later.*
Casi: We’re competing with you.
Lacey: For what!?
*A bit later.*
Casi: Everything.
Lacey: But that’s not real.
That’s a psychotic view of the world.
Casi: I’m not you.
…I don’t understand what you’re saying.
We do compete though.
Lacey: That’s insane.
I’m sorry.
If that’s what Americans believe…I’m not American. I’m Lady Rosslyn.
Listen to “Missouri Waltz” as performed by Paul Whiteman.
A reader: So…you do believe in competition or not?
Lacey: Somewhat?
I mean…yes. But…that’s not reality.
That’s…insane.
I don’t care what you say. I am not in competition with the homeless woman I just drove by! That’s INSANE.
*She laughs*
What a farce!
The homeless woman: *Laughing in the afterlife*
I saw her.
She’s very stately,
I’m not dumb-
But man! No…it’s not a competition.
*Lacey laughs with her.*
Lacey, it is insane!
Listen to “Rebecca” performed by Monroe Silver.
