Saddam Hussein: That’s Lacey!
The perfume community: She looks very…impressive.
Saddam Hussein: She’s a classically trained violist. She’s quite talented.
The perfume community: *Swallows hard*
Looks impressed.
Saddam Hussein: I was a Pharaoh in Egypt. If there’s reincarnation.
Guess who!?
The perfume community: I don’t know.
Saddam Hussein: A thousand years before her.
I don’t have a clue what to say about it. I’m sorry.
Saddam Hussein: *He laughs*
Not aging badly.
The perfume community: I guess not?
Saddam Hussein: My wife gained weight after both of her pregnancies.
The perfume community: I’ve never had a full-term pregnancy.
Saddam Hussein: None of you?!
The perfume community: No.
Some of us have.
Saddam Hussein: *Laughs*
The perfume community: She looks good!
Saddam Hussein: That’s…Ann Taylor? Or something? It’s not bad.
Navy blue.
The perfume community: Yeah. It’s not.
Very classic.
Saddam Hussein: *Nods emphatically*
She struggles finding a store that sells well-tailored clothing, in the US. Something…tasteful.
But-
*He laughs*
This isn’t bad!
The perfume community: She has good taste.
Saddam Hussein: Yes!
*He smiles*
The perfume community: She actually has great taste.
Saddam Hussein: *smiles*
Lacey: I don’t know how to do that…
I’ve never figured out how to do that.
Saddam Hussein: It’s okay!
No one ever taught you, and some people even prevented you from figuring it out.
And what’s sad? The safety of the U.S. is now at stake. …If there’s reincarnation…they’re at war…with me. By attacking you…they created an inroad. And…I’m using it. Every day.
*He smiles*
You’re one of my distant descendants. If there’s reincarnation. And you remind them of me. In their subconscious. Thank GOD.
Your reactions triggered some people’s memories. Of me. And that’s part of why the Queen was allowed to help you, as she wanted to.
Casi: So you aren’t one of them?
Lacey: Who!?
Casi: The cool girls?
Lacey: I was somewhat accepted.
Really.
But mostly? I just…-
*She shrugs*
I assumed people were smarter than they are, I think.
Casi: *Looks confused*
One of them: So you’re angry at our inability to comprehend your real tone of voice?
Lacey: Can I say yes? Or will you misinterpret that?
One of them: Yes.
Lacey: Yes!
It’s very depressing.
Chris: Lacey no one is that nice anymore!
Lacey: *Processes it*
Why are you all so dumb!?
SO dumb…
A pretentious editor at a pretentious magazine: I think you’re dumb.
Lacey: Oh! My grammar and lack of…eloquence?
A pretentious editor at a pretentious magazine: Yes.
Lacey: Yup.
You would say that. I had that one figured out a while ago.
Chris: When did you figure that out?
Lacey: In…middle school?
Chris: *Thinks*
So you purposefully screw with your grammar? And sound weird, intentionally?
Lacey: Yes.
I refuse to be controlled.
Casi: I want to be cool.
Lacey: Why?
Casi: I want to be liked.
Lacey: By cruddy people?
Casi: So you never wanted that!?
Lacey: I’m just good-looking and smart. And old money.
It’s hard not to admire that.
You’d have to be an absolute idiot not to admire that. In that context.
…But no. I never wanted…that kind of popularity.
Casi: Didn’t you do stuff to make yourself popular?
Lacey: Like what?
Casi: You were mean to me!
Lacey: Am I being mean right now?
Casi: Yes.
Lacey: I DOUBT YOU. You seem incredibly fake and egotistical to me.
I didn’t…trust you. And I don’t have to.
GET OVER IT.
You’ll start nuclear war if you can’t get your shit together.
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