A Millennial man: Do you understand that for many people marriage is just legalized prostitution? …Or, at least, it’s become that in America.
Lacey: Go on?
A Millennial man: It starts with dating.
Lacey: *Thinks*
Really though?
A Millennial man: YES!
*He laughs*
Lacey: Huh.
So that’s why women act so…snippy?
A Millennial man: *Looks stunned*
Listen to “Machine Says Yes” by FC Kahuna.
Lacey: Are you being serious or pulling my leg?
A Millennial man: YES.
Lacey: You all are so backwards…
*Laughs*
*covers her mouth, with her fingertips in shock*
A Millennial man: It’s American.
Okay?
It’s how I was raised.
Lacey: But how can that possibly make you happy? That’s INSANE.
India: You’re right. *They whisper to her*
Lacey: How are they-
India: *Cuts her off, trying not to laugh*
The song ends.
Listen to “Hot Blooded” by New Constellations.
Lacey: It’s really that bad?
A Millennial man: Yes.
Lacey: *Thinks*
I don’t understand what the point even is.
A Millennial man: *Thinks*
Sex. Love?
Lacey: But how to do get to that? You’re too busy trying to make money…
A Millenial man: Most people don’t.
Lacey: Then what’s the point?
A Millennial man: It’s supposed to be…holy.
Lacey: How?
A Millennial man: Because you aren’t…being defiled.
Like you were before? And we can choose now?
Lacey: Well…maybe marriage is extremely complicated. And America way oversimplified it, possibly to its own demise.
We’ll see.
Ireland: *Nods silently*
Oh for that’s what happened…
Lacey: There’s no more…community.
Ireland: It didn’t always work. But…it was vastly superior to this.
Lacey: *Thinks*
Lacey’s neighbors: OKAY!
But we can’t put it back.
Lacey: I don’t agree.
I’m sorry.
I had no idea this was even a thing. Neither did Mark. He’s Lord Thynne. …Neither did Lem.
We’re…confused.
And if we exist…and we do…it can be reversed.
Lacey’s neighbors: What did you all think you were doing?
Lacey: Arranging our own marriages. …Basically being our own matchmakers.
Lacey’s neighbors: So you and Mark…genuinely thought…you were suitable matches for each other.
God: And they actually did well.
They don’t fight the way you think. It’s actually very productive. They’re genuinely fighting. …If you hear them fight…it’s actually very serious.
Don’t get scared. But try to understand.
Sarah (?): What were they fighting over?
*Looks scared*
God: The war in Iran. Ukraine.
What else?
Lacey’s neighbors: Except I don’t get the sense that they’re on opposite sides?
God: They’re not.
Doesn’t mean they don’t disagree.
Lacey’s neighbor: So you seriously did not understand this?
Lacey: Yes.
Lacey’s neighbor: I mean… I believe in love I think people do fall in love. I know they do. And I think the idea is that you’re supposed to find someone who you’re in love with, but it’s like you’re also supposed to find somebody who matches your criteria of what you’re looking for and I have a very strong suspicion that you don’t have a criteria the way that we do.
I wanted someone tall, I wanted someone attractive. I wanted someone who has money and who has status, but I didn’t want someone who is simple and plain. I wanted someone who was intelligent and thoughtful.
Lacey: I never thought like that because I thought that was sort of stupid and immoral.
Lacey’s neighbors: *Laughs*
Lacey: So you actually really do this or you just pretend to and then you just end-up with whoever shows up? 
Lacey’s neighbors: No. That does happen more than I think we would like, but it actually really isn’t the norm.
Lacey: This makes so much sense because when I was in college, there was a woman in her 50s who kept telling me, “You don’t know what you want.” “You need to figure out what it is that you’re looking for.”
Lacey’s neighbors: Yeah. I’m sure she was trying to help you because you seemed clueless. So no one ever explained this to you ever?
Lacey: No. I grew-up in a very unusual family. They really are old money and my parents who raised me are just very atypical people. And honestly, they also refused to answer my questions.  I asked the mother who raised me repeatedly to explain dating to me and she always just acted like she had no idea and that it was very awful and that it was best not to do it anyway. I think she did understand, but she wasn’t always the nicest person and for some reason she just didn’t think that I should date and I couldn’t get anything out of her, and my father really wasn’t helpful either, bless his heart.
India: *Smiles, as one of the groups of people, totally unfazed.*
What were you thinking?
Lacey: *Sighs*
I was thinking that you should find a proper mate.
India: Oh. So you were evaluating star signs, sun signs, background, psychology, height, movement patterns, temperament, habits, vocal range, clothing, styles, general aesthetics, tastes in television & shows, tastes in movies, sleeping patterns, walking patterns?
Lacey: YES!
India: And then you just thought, “Of course it really should just be love from the start and then all these things sort of work their way out if you’re doing it correctly.”?
Lacey: Yes.
India: Well… where do you think you went wrong?
Lacey: *Thinks*
I don’t think I made a mistake. I think my father did.
India: *Nods*
Lacey: Yes. He really should have brought me into this world close to what? 80 years before he did. 
No, that doesn’t make sense. *She laughs* Well, close to 50 to 60 years? 
India: But there must’ve been something that could have worked?
Lacey: Aside from what happened? I think the only solution would’ve been for the mother that brought me into this world to have raised me. Or for me to somehow be socialized by people who genuinely really loved me and I’m of the opinion that if you really want your kids to be raised well, oftentimes you have to do it yourself. It can be done by other people, but it’s really difficult to understand how to raise someone else’s kids. 
India: Yes.
Lacey: So… aside from Margy doing her job I don’t think I had a chances.
Lacey’s neighbors: Why?
Lacey: Because. Margy would’ve explained to me what dating was. 
Remember how I just said that about like 10 minutes ago?
Lacey’s neighbors: Crap.
Lacey: I mean, apparently the people who raised me didn’t know why I was asking them that question and they just kept giving me these horrible answers that really made absolutely no sense and I was just asking a very simple straightforward questions, and I think Margy would’ve understood that. I think other people might’ve understood that but it’s a rough world and I mean…I think that was probably my only chance. It was to be raised by unusual people who really understood me or the mother who actually brought me into this world.
Lacey’s neighbors: Yeah.
Lacey: I have a nice marriage in many ways, but it’s not what I think either of us were really looking for, but oh well,
Lacey’s neighbors: So you were both looking for like love and an actual good marriage. Like essentially the sort of marriage that comes from a community of people who care and actual love.
Lacey: Yes.
A Millennial man: How did neither of you figure this out?
Lem: It’s not as obvious as you think.
A Millennial woman: So you were settling for a crap marriage with Jack?
Lem: Oh, absolutely yes.
A Millennial woman: If you can even call it marriage because you thought you were diseased.
Lem: Yes.
A Millennial woman: So what did you think we were doing?
Lacey: I thought that you had all mastered the art of dating. And actually, my husband probably thought the same thing. When he was in his 20s, he took a dating class offered by some guy. I think his name was David D’Angelo.
Because he thought that as I did, it was actually sort of an art, that you had to master.  and and he put effort into it he read the whole series he took it very seriously he really tried. He genuinely thought that if he just studied for it the way that he studied for everything else that he could probably crack it and really find a real good marriage. 
Lady Thynne: It was heartbreaking. Regardless, if there’s reincarnation or not. He didn’t need a dating class. He needed to understand a lot of other stuff, but he did pay money and listen to all of the DVDs and do all of the writing and journaling and everything else and then he married Lacey. And I know he would never divorce her. It’s not almost possible at all. 
Dr. Moritz: Did you know that I was sexually attracted to you?
Lacey: Not completely.
I’ve been very confused. Men have tried to sleep with me and it seems as though I arouse men very easily. But you don’t make a lot of sense any of you, and I’ve been very confused.
Putin: She’s exceptionally beautiful.
But I knew the instant that I met her that she was never going to leave her husband, unless if there was a really unusual man that came along. Her husband is cold as ice at times and to be brutally honest he’s broken her heart on numerous occasions, and I took umbrage.
I’m not dumb.
And I thought the poor fuck deserved to be kicked in his sad ass. No I’m not speaking as a father, although that experience did give me insight into what that generation of men are like. She doesn’t live in Russia. Maybe I’ll be with her when I’m dead, but I doubt it, but I was attracted, and I decided to let myself feel something.
It was delightful and sad and incredibly Russian and memorable and-
I really don’t understand why everyone’s so up in arms.
Lacey: It’s all quite sad.
But…oh well.
Arnold: There is no afterlife.
The man who she sleeps with are figments of my fucking farts.
*He cackles*
Her husband’s not Lord Thynne. There is no reincarnation. And science has proven that.
Listen to “Jump Around” by House of Pain.
Arnold: It’s not possible.
All this God crap.
*He laughs*
1:06
Lacey: Then how do you explain my real Scottish accent?
Arnold: It’s fake.
The CIA: That makes no sense…
2:22
Arnold: Ha.
The dead…don’t exist.
The CIA: You’re not answering the question.
Do you have the integrity to accept that? And take accountability for your bullshit?
Arnold: *Laughs and begins twerking, in response*
Listen to Skyfall by Adele.
Bill: What does that do?
The CIA: It’s supposed to…bring him…power.
Bill: How?
The CIA: He believes it’s all science. Like…just…science? To be honest…it’s illogical. But…most people don’t know any better.
*They shrug*
So he sounds wise and shrewd and…intelligent. Cutting, even.
A psychic: He has to know that there’s energy? Like…sexual energy???
*She laughs*
I’m so confused.
Arnold: It’s not energy.
You’re getting caught up in semantics!
A psychic: But then what is it?
Arnold: Cite your sources?
A psychic: Just-
What is it?
Arnold: It’s just movement. Okay. That’s all that science can actually prove. I am moving my body in a sexual way. The fact that it has a cause-and-effect of power is not something that science can easily explain, but what we can explain using science is that I am moving my butt and it’s sexual. It’s not provable using science.
A psychic: But… then how does the power manifest Arnold if it’s not witchcraft?
Arnold: I don’t know I don’t know science hasn’t explained that to us yet. That’s not my problem.
A psychic: So you’re not intuitively understanding what I’m asking you about the logistics of the whole thing?
Arnold: No.
Why don’t you go get your PhD and come back and we’ll have a conversation. I’m Arnold Schwarzenegger and I’m smarter than you. I was Governor of California and I know a lot.
I’m an intellectual and I have a dick.
*He laughs*
A psychic: So… Arnold we’re asking you to explain how the so-called witchcraft works.
Arnold: Well… I imagine that there is some sort of tsunami effect when I shake my butt.
Listen to “The Power (12” Version)” by SNAP!.
A psychic: What causes the tsunami?
Arnold: *twerks and analyses it, in action*
1:35
1:55
A psychic: Well? What do you think?
Arnold: *Pauses, thinking*
I don’t know to be honest I’m a little worried because I can’t think of how without what you call energy there could possibly be what I believe is a sort of tsunami.
I don’t like to call it energy OK? Because energy has connotations that science cannot prove. And I am not going to be responsible for someone’s mental illness-
*He scoffs*
I suppose you could call it energy but then people are gonna start claiming the ghosts are real. And that there’s an afterlife. Mmkay? And I know that’s impossible, because there’s no afterlife. Ghosts don’t exist. Everyone says that. And…I know they know what they’re talking about…cause I’m like that. I’m smart and they’re smart. And I just don’t see any way that there could possibly be ghosts so-
