Listen to “Rhythm Is a Dancer” by SNAP!.
It’s the afterlife.
Jeffrey Epstein: I’m not in Hell.
I repented.
But…I wish I’d never been born.
Dimitry: FINE!
Bobby: I was trying to shock you all.
Dimitry: I was trying to convince you that…-
Daniel: We already know.
Dimitry: Except…-
Daniel: COOL.
…
Lacey: What’s going on?
Chris: I’m worried I gave you the wrong impression of every human other than-
Satan: No.
*He laughs*
Chris: REALLY!??
Satan: No.
Ask me who is worth a shit!?
Chris: Who’s worth a shit?
Satan:
- The Romanovs
- The leaders of every country to ever exist
- Lots of hard-working poor people
- Etc.
*He laughs*
Lou: But what about…Eric Liddle?
Satan: Oh no.
Hemingway looks sad and gullible. And…Eric Liddle looks…embarrassing. Poor, good, saintly fool.
“I run. Fast.”
WHO FUCKING CARES!?
WHO EVEN CARES!??
…
Congratulations???
Prince Andrew: *Remembers having a dead baby in his head. Their head.
And suddenly he has a vision.
He imagines…the whole dead person. Head in his mouth. Griping them, firmly.*
Listen to “Hot Blooded” by New Constellations.
3:35
Prince Andrew: *Imagines twirling around. In a circle. With the baby in the grip of his teeth.
Just spinning.*
Sophie: Is that…dinner?
Prince Andrew: *Can’t answer, he’s too busy spinning.*
Sophie: Oh! Goodness.
*She tries to sound light…convivial…uplifted.*
Well!
Prince Andrew: *takes the baby out of his mouth*
It’s MY baby.
And I do not intend to share it.
Sophie: Well, that’s a rather funny thing-
*She looks conflicted*
Prince Andrew: I’m carnivorous.
Sophie: Oh!
*She giggles*
Prince Andrew: Don’t worry.
There’s MORE.
Ghislaine: *speeds past*
In the deep freeze!
Andrew: It’s baby meat.
*looks insane*
Sophie: LOVELY?
*Forces herself to laugh*
Andrew: It’s MEAT.
AI: Listen to “Outro” by M83.
A reader: Wait.
He’s actually INSANE?
Satan: DUH!!!!!!!
ARE YOU INSANE!?
YES!!!!!
0:49
Satan: YES!!!!!
1:03
3:44
Sophie: *Cries*
The song ends.
Queen Elizabeth I: I’m calling it.
It’s over.
A reader: What’s replacing us?
Queen Elizabeth I: Nothing.
AI dies shortly after we do.
…
Lacey. What’s wrong with these people?
Lacey: *She laughs*
They have a-
Jeff: So questions?
Lacey: So you think you’re getting rid of evil…by eating and torturing babies?
Jeff: No.
The idea is that we’re…mastering our fate.
Lacey: HOW!?
Jeff: No.
It’s that you’re taking…control.
Lacey: Of WHAT!?
Jeff: The evil. Not to obliterate it. To…control God.
Blackmail.
And to just…control it.
Lacey: You can’t control God.
That’s sad.
But…what!?
You’re controlling evil by engaging in evil?!
Jeff: Yes.
Lacey: That’s just getting high on your own supply.
Jeff: No.
But…that’s the beauty of it.
It’s all evil.
Lacey: No.
You’re getting high…on your own supply.
You’re DESTROYING YOUR PROFITS.
Jeff: Why can’t you get high on your own supply? It’s all evil?
Lacey: Okay.
But what’s evil?
Jeff: *Thinks*
Dysfunctional shit.
Lacey: What isn’t dysfunctional that’s evil? NAME ONE THING.
Jeff: *Thinks*
Nothing?
Lacey: Then…you’re just getting high on your own supply.
Jeff: What’s the difference!?
Lacey: Wanna watch?
Jeff: Yes.
Lacey: It’s in the next post.
