Jesus ROCKS

Jesus: That’s not me.

I-

He’s barely Jewish.

Lacey: He almost looks like Lem. But with your hair?

Jesus: *laughs*

Yeah.

That’s creepy.

Lacey: Were you that good looking!?!?

Jesus: *Laughs*

Yes.

Lacey: NO WAY!

Jesus: *Laughs*

No, I actually was…

Lacey: *Thinks*

I’m sorry. Elephant in the room. Why were you single?

Jesus: I was persecuted. I was…almost constantly persecuted. And it wasn’t safe.

Lacey: So you weren’t hiding a wife or a boyfriend?

Jesus: No.

Lacey: That’s awful.

I’m sorry.

Jesus: I had a laugh riot though, with friends. Really. I had some good buddies.

Lacey: And you had nice parents?

Jesus: *He thinks*

Yes. Strict but very loving.

Lacey: I’m sorry I don’t understand you better.

Jesus: Well, I’m a guy. And I was popular.

Lacey: YEAH.

…What was that like being popular?

Jesus: It was…fun.

I’m sorry you haven’t experienced that.

Lacey: Well, what was it like?

Jesus: You don’t have a lot of spare time, but…you have a lot of friends. You adjust.

Lacey: That sounds exhausting. But…it seems like what everyone wants. Do you suppose it really is better?

Jesus: Nowadays, you’d hate it. You have people constantly buzzing in your ear. But…before that? Then what?

Lacey: I’d have thought…it was…-

I don’t remember.

I can’t access that emotion anymore.

When was that?

Jesus: Ten years ago.

Lacey: *Thinks*

I doubt it.

How do you not know that?

Jesus: I can’t know everything God the Father does. But I do see what you mean…

I think.

When did you-

*He stops and thinks*

I’m sorry. I’m the Son of God.

Can you help me out?

Lacey: *struggles*

Prince Andrew: I don’t get along with you either. I’m sorry, but you irritate me too.

Lacey: Are you smug or am I imagining things? 

Jesus: I am not sinful, believe it or not, so I can’t really be smug or judgmental, but we have personalities that clash.

Lacey: Am I a nicer person than you?

Jesus: Yes.

Lacey: So how could our personalities clash, if I’m nicer than you and you’re not evil?

Jesus: Because I’m going in a different direction. And…I misunderstand you. But I’m not actually evil…

Lacey: Do you have any idea how depressing that is to me?

You’re very annoying!

Jesus: You’re right.

Lacey: Am I unbearable to you?

Test and see that I am good huh? I’ll test you, bud.

Jesus: No. Because I’m not sinful. I can figure out what you’re actually saying fast enough. And there’s nothing wrong with you. So…I’m the one who’s annoying.

You’re an incredibly nice person. I’m actually not.

Lacey: You should be!

Right!?

*she looks confused*

Jesus: No!

*he cries*

No, it’s okay for me not to be. But…I don’t serve you well, in that capacity. I’m still very much your savior. But…having intimate personal conversations with me? I’ve always understood why you…can’t…easily chat with me.

Lacey: We should clarify that you’re not failing at being a savior, but you’re not necessarily created to be my personal best friend?

Jesus: A lot of Christians nowadays don’t really believe that and they believe I’m their best friend and in a way I am because I am everyone’s best friend…but in a real human way person to person? That’s a lot to ask of the son of Mary.

Even if she was immaculate in her conception of me, and she was, she was still human. And she had a human personality. And not everyone got along with her. It should be common sense Lacey that not everyone would get along with me in that way. I mean, we can get along but you’re trying a lot harder than I am because I am perfect. And that’s…totally unfair to you.

You really are irritated by me because I seem like a total jerk. And to be honest with you, if I wasn’t the son of God and I wasn’t perfect I could be a jerk to you. People have not thought that through in Christianity, at the moment. They have started to idolize me as a character in a book instead of understanding that I’m the Son of God, who is half man. They don’t understand anymore that I’m perfect. It’s not that I don’t have a human personality that can be probably really aggravating to some people who are really great people, frankly probably by nature, better people than I would’ve been if I wasn’t perfect. And you’re one of those people.

And that’s where Christianity today is sick and disgusting. It’s a cult of personality and less of a faith and a religion, as they put it. People do worship me, but it may not be what I had originally intended. It’s OK to an extent, but they forget that I’m not just “the cool guy”. I’m actually the Jesus. I’m the Messiah. I am God. I am God.

I had some human instincts to be a selfish, greedy jerk. And a narcissistic slob.

But I was perfect and I didn’t sin. Not sure if people understand that, that I actually didn’t sin and then they may misunderstand Satan somewhat, that he was tempting me to fall apart because he had a really hard time believing that any being could be that perfect, and I can see you have instincts to try to really see if I can actually maintain my purity of heart, as well.

But you have pure reasons for doing it and I don’t know what his reasons are well enough through your brain to explain them on this blog and that sounds terrible, but that came out really quickly and somewhat incorrectly, I guess, but no, it’s not. It’s not simple. And that wasn’t quite what I was trying to say, and I think you understand that.

But no, I was. I was actually perfect, like I was half man and I was actually perfect.

But that doesn’t mean that I was the perfect person. You’re actually almost close to being a perfect person in some ways, really, but people don’t understand that and compare us and think I’m the perfect person. They think that because I was perfect and they don’t understand that I actually wasn’t necessarily a “perfect person”. I was just actually perfect because I’m the Son of God, and I am an actual deity, who became a human. I’m not the “perfect person”.

Lacey: I kind of wanna see if I can push you off a cliff, but I don’t want you to stop redeeming the world.

But I suppose it’s moot anyway, if I can do that. 

Jesus: That’s correct. That is how it would work logistically.

Lacey: So have you already failed?

Jesus: *He looks serious*

Lacey: Oh that’s right I’m sorry I forgot you’re the Son of God, forgive me, forgive me. That’s a very big deal.

Actually, it is a big deal…because I can’t save myself even if I would so I didn’t have to bother you. I don’t like bothering you. But I can’t do that because I’m not you. Do you still care about me or are you struggling?

Jesus: I’m actually not struggling.

And I wouldn’t be remotely surprised that you’d rather just save yourself instead of bothering my father and I.

Lacey: Yeah, I don’t like asking people for help because I don’t like bothering them.

Jesus: You actually don’t like bothering them.

Lacey: Yes, because people have things to do you know? I don’t like bothering people.

Jesus: Do you think we were supposed to have saved you?

Lacey: Are you suggesting that you don’t want to anymore?

If you didn’t have to, I suppose you could change your mind couldn’t you? Except, you’d be in the wrong. 

What kind of a piece of crap would create humanity, sweetheart, and then expect it just go to Hell if it didn’t do something perfectly enough? If you ever sent my kids to Shell, I would question if you’re not just a piece of worthless crap, and I would be in the right! Test me, you bitch.

I know I’m in the right and you’re a jackass if you don’t understand it. We’re incredibly lovable you crap, if you don’t get it.

Stop harassing me with your shit body, if that’s all the fuck you have. Do I need to save you? You crap! If that’s all the fuck are? 

How nice for you that you’re a huge bitch who was fucking gorgeous and nice like God at the same time. What a tortured life you must’ve had you crap? I don’t feel sorry for you after the life that I’ve lived. I think you’re an idiot potentially?

Oh, “I have great friends and parents who love me and I can do superpowers.” I die before I get old and I fly up into the sky? I don’t have to go through years of agony with air hunger, trying to raise a family being sadistically tortured by a freaking idiot? With almost nobody who gives a crap about me who is alive. …No, as you I would be able to just die at 30 being beaten to death probably barely feeling any pain because it was too much pain for your body to physically understand correct?

Go through childbirth twice the way that I did and live through everything else that I’ve lived through and then you come at me with your smug attitude and see how you feel about it. Have my personality, precious, and none of the love that you experienced, none of the innate knowledge, and then you come at me with your attitude and see how you like it.

What do you think? Did I burst your bubble or not?

That was probably just a little taste of what I could do if I really tried.

Jesus: You know if there’s reincarnation you’re older than I am. And actually that would be significant in this conversation, but you have no way of knowing that if that’s even what’s going on.

You’re scaring my humanity. Because you have it exactly right almost. I’m hearing what you really mean and not just what you’re saying and you’re absolutely right, and if you said something wrong of course I forgive you in my name, but you’re actually making some very valid points. I am still your savior.  Absolutely.  But the problem is that even as perfect as you are, you’re not perfect. You’re one of those unusual people actually who come extremely extraordinarily close on your own without ever asking for forgiveness, of actually being perfect. People may not understand that, but I see your heart, and you actually are basically almost perfect all of the time. 

But you’re still not perfect.

And I can see where for you that is in of itself extremely frustrating. Because you really try almost to exhaustion to be holy.  But it’s not unhealthy. It’s just you literally make that your priority constantly. 

And I actually don’t have lived physical experience of being that person. If it is the End Times, you’re definitely part of the reason given the Illuminati, why it’s the end. The fact that Prince Andrew, who is definitely not a safe person is one of the only people who stood-up for you in this conversation is where it’s almost as if evil has become good.  You have almost no life at all, and people have no sympathy for that and no understanding of it.  They think you’re just a jerk because they think that I’m perfect and they don’t realize that you’re actually trying constantly to consider everyone’s feelings and do the right thing and say the right thing and consider the situation and be perfectly holy. 

You’re not smug, you’re what people used to call Hell and Brimstone. And actually you’re not really even that, but people today have a very poor understanding of holiness. And they don’t want to understand your explanation for everything you do because you’re that perfect of a person where you can be a normal adult and have a relationship with a man that’s actually very sophisticated and yet extremely holy. I actually do empathize with that one from experience. I had a huge crush on Mary Magdalene. And I did not marry her and I was holy, but I definitely thought she was an incredibly interesting person and I’ll leave it at that but no, I was a normal functioning male adult and she actually was my crush.

Because of my personality, being sort of edgy… her edginess herself was something that I related to. She was wild. And by nature, I was actually slightly wild myself. I was very cool. But I was perfect. And I went for the bad girls by nature, but I was wise and I didn’t do anything evil.

Today’s society is so messed up when it comes to things like that that I can’t really be more detailed or specific if people want to find out if Mary and I are married in Heaven or waiting to get married or if we’ve been engaged this whole time or whatever they can do that, but obviously you can’t find that out easily if at all until I can explain it to you in person. She’s a really great woman. But if she is actually engaged and we’ve waited for us has been 50 years… And the bride of christ is symbolic but I’m also actually getting married that would be a plot twist? I’m not saying that necessarily, but people wondered that and I’m bringing it up for a reason. Not because I’m saying that’s what is going on but because I’m trying to engage with your brain and it’s an interesting concept.

The thing is, she really was a very difficult person, and then she worshiped God and was saved through my salvation. but if God has allowed her to be my wife because I’m half man, except with the premise that she had to wait 50 years to marry me in Heaven, even after knowing me as long as she did… the problem is that you would’ve waited until you lost your mind. You would’ve waited for thousands of years and started constantly smacking your head into a wall before then. And that’s actually a really lovable, wonderful thing, but God has to account for that because it’s totally unfair.

People don’t understand the relationship I have with my father anymore, but I could theoretically actually be independent from him and be married to someone. And if if I’m actually waiting to marry her… because it’s just not wise for our marriage until the bride of Christ comes to Heaven… again the problem is that for us given God‘s timing and mercy. It’s been about 50 years. But you’re right you’re a better person than I am by nature. That’s very hard people to hear it probably because it’s like how could she be that? Well because my human nature wasn’t perfect, and I still experienced temptation and you don’t experience much temptation because you’re actually by nature more perfect than I am. I was it’s hard to explain people don’t understand it anymore. I was in a sense perfect because I chose to be in perfection. Catholics understand this. I chose to be fully perfect. And I had no sin. But that doesn’t mean that my human body wasn’t actually capable of being offensive.

And I had a lot of grace because I was yes, loved by my father, loved by my mom, loved by my friends. And people have a hard time understanding this because they hate you and they’re just gonna have to hate you and I’m gonna have to start protecting you because I need to explain the truth. You’re basically almost perfect on your own. Lacey. And a Catholic would understand what that means. You still need my redemption because you’re human and you’re not half God and you weren’t born immaculately. That’s a quick synopsis and that might not be perfectly correct but we’re trying.

But you’re doing really well. And you’re going through a lot of suffering. and yeah, you’ve not been loved the same way and so it’s not fair. Because you’re supposed to be saved by me and worshiping me but trust on a spiritual logistics level it’s become off. And actually there are people as you know in the past you’ve been close to being like this and there are other people like you believe it or not there. I don’t mean that to insult you, but I’m sure at times it feels like you’re bizarrely good there are other people like that. But there are other people like that, and some of them are just as confused about the whole thing as you are. And the problem is that the world has become so sinful and so tolerant that someone like you becomes a target of hate and misunderstanding very easily because it’s like why aren’t you more compassionate? Why aren’t you being more? You know normal and the problem is that you’re not supposed to be of the world you’re not supposed to be evil you’re supposed to be what you are. And no you’re not legalistic. 

And so people like you are miserable and lonely, and almost totally unrewarded by society.  And it’s becoming totally intolerable to God.  I mean, no it doesn’t make any sense that you’ve had to live through what you’ve lived through and then I’m supposed to save you with my difficult personality that definitely comes across as very condescending and dismissive.  It’s very painful watching people have absolutely no sympathy for you and dismiss all of your feelings and then get mad at you for being slightly too unaware of all of their suffering not just you know they’re suffering but all of their suffering. Like you’re supposed to know everything they’ve ever been through better than they do and then let them walk all over you?  Because people have been taught to demand sympathy from other people or else.  And that’s not how it works. 

People are supposed to be sympathetic, but you can’t demand that from people and people go even further than just demanding sympathy, they get sick.  You actually don’t have a right to demand that people give you emotions or love.  Even if they should.  But people today go even further than that, and they start demanding that they are almost exonerated from all evil for no reason. 

And then coupled with the fact that you’re being tormented and persecuted by the Illuminati, you are a special case in that sense, and coupled with all of the other profound evil that’s going on right now, it could be the end. People are supposed to be sympathetic when someone’s suffering. You can’t demand that of people, but people are supposed to be. And that’s sad because today it’s like if you say that people think “Well if you don’t demand it, no one‘s ever going to even give it to you!” but that’s just how bad things have become. People in the past used to understand this and they tried really hard to be loving because they knew how bad the world would get if they didn’t. Up until about the 1980s in America, it was considered only rational and sane and mature to have a sort of social conscience that was solid and certain. And then in the 1980s a lot of people started believing that they were transcending Christianity and truth, and they thought that they could just circumvent the system and use science and computer computers to create Utopia. It was in the 80s when things got really ugly. before then it wasn’t really socially acceptable to totally reject your Christianity to totally reject God and totally reject certainty. You were supposed to have some sense of that, but then people started thinking that they could somehow outsmart the whole system with numbers and nonsense and they ruined the entire thing.

A lot of the torment that you’ve experienced are people who are aging who are really unwilling to let go of their ideologies. They don’t want to admit Lacey that you’re smarter than them in that way and that they believed that they were smarter than you because they’re more like me.  You if there’s reincarnation are actually a Scottish aristocrat and you physically are actually melting into that even as we speak and truthfully speaking, you will never go back before then because you’ve died if there is reincarnation and maybe there isn’t but I’m your God and I’m trying to help you figure this whole thing out. 

I mean, I am God, but I’m just saying I am also your God and I almost think you wonder if you should lhave a god” yes of course and I am your God. I am God. I mean, I am just God.

And people are going to have to stop being offended or start arguing if it really bothers them that much in the Illuminati when you say that because it’s getting to be sick. They repress anger at you and stab you in the back because they can’t handle the fact that you’re preaching to them and that’s totally dysfunctional.  A lot of Muslims are very weak and they can’t handle being told by a woman that they’re intellectually stupid because they’re gay and weak.  And their mannish, whore wives who are manipulative are not helping them.  It’s very tempting to hate her when you’re not perfect like I am, but you are in the in the wrong. Don’t humor yourself too much, you’ll destroy your entire country. 

Queen Elizabeth II understood that you have a right to say someone’s wrong and that if people in the West can’t say that anymore, then there is no more West. If you were a Muslim man who likes to pee on women and fuck them because you’re trash stop thinking you’re better than Lacey sending your stupid sons on Instagram in the perfume community to harass her with your shit country. There was either someone impersonating that person or one of you actually sent one of your little fucking idiotic, ugly gay sons harass her. You’re genetically inferior to her and her entire family and if you can’t handle that go kill yourselves. Your stupid children are annoying!

You’re inferior.

She’s not, and if you can’t handle that go die!

I am so sick of the world coddling those idiots! Just because you feel sorry for their dark skin. And they’re stupid, immature, uneducated people. Who go online and harass everyone because they’re crap.

Just die!!!

You’re not worshiping Allah you’re worshiping your own fucking ass.

I’m not saying every single Muslim to ever exist. I’m not talking about every Muslim alive. I’m talking about the weak, immature idiots running certain countries right now in the world. You guys are so jealous of white people it’s sick. 

Trying to steal the British crown from the British because you’re fucking ugly and dumb by comparison. Somalians don’t do that because they’re better looking and smarter than you. And you may ask yourself, “How could the Somalians with their trash country be holier and better looking and smarter than me I’ve got oil coming out of my butt hole?” Having money and servants and stupid children who are scared of you, doesn’t make you superior. Quit running the scams you run on the whole world.

You didn’t fight in World War II you don’t know half of what the Western world knows about anything. There are some of you who are very educated and not talking about everybody in the Middle East, but to be honest, the Middle East is a very poor area of the world even in Dubai. You can’t tell me that shit infrastructure built the last 20 years that’s gonna look like crap and five is elite. And with all the fighting in the Middle East, I would never spend $1 billion to buy a shit tower in the middle of the desert that’ll be blown-up. You are thieves and you don’t give a crap about other Muslims. You use your oil and you pretend to care about God.

And if there are any Muslims who suffer for anything that I’ve said well I’m the son of God so I’ll have to straighten that out, and you can doubt that all you want princess, but that doesn’t change the reality of who I actually am.

If I’m actually the son of God and your hearing from me, you’ll all be dead before anyone else’s because you deserve it. *He smiles* You’ll die first and then other people will but I think you should be able to die first because you’re so fucking special aren’t you? 

You are a problem for Lacey and she doesn’t know that as well as I do because she’s not aware of what a piece of crap you really are. And I’m talking to one man in particular who’s jealous as hell of her beauty because he has dark skin and he hates himself for it. He’s a narcissist and an idiot. And I would love for him to just die. If he died, Bobby would be a heck of a lot quieter about all of his bullshit, but no one says that because he’s a jealous conniving little thief like a Kike. Except he’s Muslim and he pretends to be elite and British because he’s a fucking idiot.

See Lacey can’t say that kind of stuff because that’s not really who she is but I can say it I can even swear because I know why I’m swearing and I know what I mean and I know that people need to hear those words or they won’t understand anymore what I’m actually trying to say. Christians have been so limited by not using swearwords for a while that they have sounded stupid to people when they’re not really stupid. But in the right context, you are allowed to say those words because they have a meaning at this point that isn’t just perverse and icky. Maybe 50 years ago would’ve been different, but of course things have changed as you all know so well right?

After Queen Elizabeth died, there were several very stupid Muslims were trying to take over the West, who demanded that Lacey stop being allowed to be herself because they’re profoundly jealous of her and deeply painfully embarrassingly insecure. They are vile. And unfortunately, people feel scared of them and sorry for them and if people stop feeling sorry for them and stop letting them control their thoughts and just killed them, the world would be better off. I am so sick of seeing people cry over something that happened 200 years ago to somebody who was never even remotely in your family potentially at all. You’re a jealous thief.

That was part of what happened in the perfume committee. There were a lot of Muslim people who were too stupid to tolerate the reality of what they were seeing before their eyes. And so they stabbed her in the back because they thought they were being very smart and worldly. But that’s not all that happened and they know that which is why I’m yelling at them out of love. I called them crap because they are crap. I haven’t redeemed them and they may go to Hell. Or have I redeemed them and they’re just confused and they’re actually worshiping me all wrong and when they die, they’ll find out that they ruined their life accidentally worshiping the wrong God you know it’s complicated, but I really am the only God that exists there is no Allah.

Just because Western culture is falling apart, doesn’t mean that you’re right you’re still dead wrong. There is no Allah, precious. Stop trying to control the whole world through mind control.

No you’re not British and you never will be. I don’t care if you use a British accent and take over the whole country. You will never be really actually British at all.  There will be no more Britain even if you think otherwise because you’re worthless intellectually. 

This isn’t a joke. And you’re cornered, not her. 

Strategically speaking, she’s a genius not you.

So that’s a shame! Oh my what a shame! Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame! That’s an imitation of you in every conversation you’ve ever had with Lacey. You are the most pious self-importance people she’s ever met. And I tell you to take your all and shove them up your butt, but you probably already do that. Don’t you princess?

Closeted assholes.

Get out of the West. Get out of the west and go back where you came from or something really bad is going to happen because you’re a thief. You know you’re a thief. Lacey hasn’t quite figured out how but she highly suspects it and she’s right. You’re an impersonating thief.

And these are my words not hers although she’s definitely with me on some of this, but these are my words and not hers. Try to understand that for once OK you idiot?

Yeah, you like to call her an idiot because you are one and embarrasses you to be so stupid in comparison to her makes you wanna die doesn’t it because you’re so stupid in comparison to her and ugly. Yeah you’re motivated by self hatred more than anything else. Not all Muslims are that dysfunctional. I’m sorry you’re such crap.

Truthfully, Lacey would rather just be dead with her whole family than have this conversation on her phone with you but you’ve not allowed that. Jada Pickett Smith was going to send her to Heaven, and it would’ve been awfully tragic but people like you get scared because you can’t quite figure out what’s going on.  Do you have any idea how stressful this is for her to sit here and say this to you and self-defense with all of the pressure of the world that she has waiting on her totally inappropriately? She’s kicking your ass and she doesn’t even have an official position. Isn’t that something? You’re that pathetic and she’s that grand. 

No, I am not. I say with a wink gonna bring up the fact that if there’s reincarnation, you’re in a fight with Tutankhamen. You have more respect for that than the British empire OK but then you need to understand that you’re not ancient Egypt that’s a sad comparison to even try to make.

*And at that God the Father takes Jesus to another room. He’s losing his temper, even if it’s not sinful. And he needs to cool off.*