Lacey: What are you trying to catch me at?
*Later*
A reader: It’s madness.
You’re not really seeing anything real.
The Illuminati: That’s essentially impossible. We’ve all seen them.
Wait, who are you talking about?
*They laugh*
A reader: I’m just trying to get a rise out of her!
I know it’s possible that they’re real.
The Illuminati: Who even are you!??
A reader: A female, white member of the perfume community. I’m just being a jealous bitch. *she giggles*
The Illuminati: So you think that’s cute!?!
A reader: *nods*
I get a lot of tail.
The Illuminati: That’s not how I meant what I just said.
A reader: Okay.
*looks nervous*
Okay.
*looks increasingly nervous*
I’m not-
*Looks very nervous*
The Illuminati: You’re not American? You’re Russian?
A reader: No.
Okay.
*snarls*
*God escorts her out, so to speak*
Lacey: Is there anyone who can explain?
An Evangelical Christian: You don’t explain, but I have a feeling I know what happened. These men fell genuinely in love with you. Offered you real commitment, maybe even marriage, on a certain level. And then they took it back, ruined it, or whatever. And…it’s not that you’re dumb…it’s that you’re just not being given anyone who’s-
Okay…that’s-
Am I right about any of this?
Lacey: Yes.
Do you need a detailed description!?
An Evangelical Christian: This is all highly unusual. I can’t-
Like…what!?
God: She’s not an average woman. Do you understand who Tom is? Her father?
An Evangelical Christian: No.
God: He wasn’t a bank robber. He was a buddy of FDR. …Her father was friends with extremely powerful people.
An Evangelical Christian: I don’t get it.
God: Yes you do. You’re lying.
*Later*
Lacey: What is it people are even thinking?
A random guy: You are scaring people!
Lacey: Why!?
Why?
A random guy: Because it’s so real.
Lacey: And you’re all used to sensationalism.
A random guy: Yes.
Lacey: Well…it’s very experimental.
*later*
Lacey: Please try to explain. What is it!?!
*later*
Kelly Clarkson: I got harassed at a store. Recently. In Brooklyn.
Lacey: What does that have to do with anything I’m talking about…?
Kelly: Nothing. I just thought that would be up your alley.
*she laughs*
Lacey: *Reads the article she’s directed to. Acts empathetic.*
Kelly: In all honesty? I’m making fun of you. Do you get how or are you actually that dumb?
Lacey: How-
*totally confused*
What’s the idea?
Kelly: Bobby said that the CIA forced him to tell them that his dad, Bobby-
A buddy of hers: SHHH!!!!
Kelly: I’m drunk.
*laughs*
HIS DAD GRABBED HIS CROTCH!
*laughs*
Bobby: I am currently investigating if my dad molested me. Yes. My dad Bobby.
Why is this being shared?
Kelly: Wait what?
Mina Kimes: Because…-
Bobby: You all told Faye Emerson to fuck Elliott. You tricked him.
Kelly: What does this have to do with me?
Mina: Bobby is my friend.
Bobby: We are not going there!
We are soo not going there.
Kelly: Lacey. The insult is that you’re too poor to even go to the store.
Satan: *cracks-up laughing*
Oh wait. Shit.
*notices that Lacey is really hurt*
But Lacey can afford…-
Lacey: Can you not understand why I’m hurt?
Satan: *Thinks*
Because you’re abandoned. And you’re being targeted by ruthless, blind, deeply self-focused women.
Or you’re…far too alone.
They’re worse than what I just said…-
Lacey: Yes.
Satan: Yeah. It’s an insult to your intelligence and a sick denial of your existence.
Lacey: Was Kelly Clarkson in the Epstein movie?
Satan: *laughs*
No.
*laughs*
Lacey: Oh GOOD GRIEF!
Satan: Are you mad that you’re hurt?
Lacey: YES!!!
This is all God has for me!? Just this nonsense!?
Satan: Let’s start over.
