SNL in the 1970’s: Are you aware that Kate hates you?
Lacey: Kate who?
SNL in the 1970’s: I don’t know. You just use the name Kate a lot.
Lacey: I’m not using that name…- *her mind wanders off*
SNL in the 1970’s: *He interrupts her* You’re really worried you slept with Satan!
Lacey: You never answered my question. What is sex with Satan?
SNL in the 1970’s: *looks stunned*
Lacey: *waits*
SNL in the 1970’s: I think it’s…when he grabbed your boobs.
Lacey: *Looks intrigued, then disturbed, then like she could cry*
Is that sex!??
SNL in the 1970’s: I mean, what else would it be?
Lacey: He’s Satan. Maybe he just goes around grabbing people’s boobs. *she says thoughtfully and seriously*
SNL in the 1970’s: But Lacey, that would be sex…
Lacey: I don’t think of it that way. *she says smiling and laughing*
SNL in the 1970’s: Oh!?
Lacey: No. It’s…-
*she looks disturbed and disgusted and yet determined*
It’s…some form of contact. You have to keep in mind, he’s Satan.
It could be quite complex.
SNL in the 1970’s: You seem okay, though! *it says in a phony British accent* Regardless of whatever it was.
Lacey: *stops and thinks*
Well…-
*looks scared, but then recovers*
Perhaps he’s…-
Say, why would he touch my boob anyway? *she looks absolutely baffled*
SNL in the 1970’s: Perhaps he finds you attractive.
Lacey: *smiles*
He’s not human though.
SNL in the 1970’s: He must have some similar physical form to a human.
Lacey: *smiles*
SNL in the 1970’s: Do you find him attractive?
Lacey: How did you know that?
SNL in the 1970’s: You look…impressed.
Lacey: *blinks*
He must have fallen from Heaven. *she says very matter-of-factly*
SNL in the 1970’s: I think he feels that way about you too.
Lacey: *laughs*
I never fell from Heaven.
SNL in the 1970’s: No. It’s a saying, Lacey.
Lacey: *looks frustrated*
*takes a deep breath*
You people are so confusing.
And now you have me married to Satan?
SNL in the 1970’s: I doubt it’s a marriage. Right? It’s probably just some sort of weird Satanic contact.
Lacey: He wouldn’t be that bad as a husband. He seems quite nice! *she says with deep emotion and fondness, yet in a matter-of-fact way*
But no, probably not…
SNL in the 1970’s: Enough about him. Let’s hear about your real husband.
Lacey: *looks nervous*
SNL in the 1970’s: I mean Kirk LeMoyne Billings, of course.
Lacey: *looks extremely flustered all of a sudden, but still fighting it to be composed*
SNL in the 1970’s: He’s real, Lacey!
Lacey: *smiles*
SNL in the 1970’s: Do you have an ego!? He’s a very attractive man.
Lacey: An ego?
SNL in the 1970’s: You’re his twin flame. Do the two of you have an ego? He’s an attractive man.
Lacey: What’s an ego?
SNL in the 1970’s: We have egos. Nowadays. It’s when you think you’re extremely important and that everyone wants to be you. Do you have an ego?
Lacey: No.
SNL in the 1970’s: Funny, because you should have one, or we’re insane, nowadays.
Lacey: What’s an ego?
SNL in the 1970’s: Do you think that you’re insane?
Lacey: *eats a potato chip slowly and thoughtfully*
I…am…not.
SNL in the 1970’s: I am.
Lacey: *looks scared*
*keeps eating her potato chips*
SNL in the 1970’s: You’re an emotional eater.
Lacey: *eats*
SNL in the 1970’s: What’s your favorite colour?
Lacey: *smiles, eating potato chips*
*grabs the bag slightly closer, still smiling*
*thinks*
*eats more potato chips*
*eats more potato chips*
*eats more potato chips*
SNL in the 1970’s: Let’s just move on.
Lacey: *relaxes some*
SNL in the 1970’s: You like painting?
Lacey: Yes!
SNL in the 1970’s: What kind?
Lacey: All kinds! I love painting.
SNL in the 1970’s: If I gave you a paintbrush would you stop eating those potato chips?
Lacey: No.
SNL in the 1970’s: *grabs her potato chips*
Lacey: *smiles*
SNL in the 1970’s: I hate you.
Lacey: *looks thoughtful*
SNL in the 1970’s: I’m going to kill you Lacey, and steal all of your potatoes.
Lacey: *looks confused, but suddenly very serious and contemplative*
SNL in the 1970’s: You shouldn’t steal potatoes, Lacey.
Lacey: *she smiles*
SNL in the 1970’s: Alright you can steal my potatoes! I give-up!! You’re fucking Satan anyway.
Lacey: *laughs*
He’s not sleeping with me.
SNL in the 1970’s: He seemed awfully interested.
Lacey: Ha! That’s only for show. *she looks ready to cry*
SNL in the 1970’s: No, I’m sure he’s quite sincere, dear.
Lacey: No. I really don’t think so. *she looks incredibly frustrated*
SNL in the 1970’s: You’re an incredibly attractive woman!
Lacey: *nods and smiles*
SNL in the 1970’s: *laughs* You don’t think he’s…aroused?
Lacey: Men want potatoes.
Women want potatoes.
*she shrugs*
*stares off into the distance*
SNL in the 1970’s: Or maybe, your penitent heart…?
Lacey: Huh.
*she thinks*
No…
*she thinks*
I don’t know.
It really seems as if the whole world is obsessed with potatoes.
*looks terrified*
SNL in the 1970’s: Like Jack Kennedy’s cock?
Lacey: Yeah!
I don’t suppose they ever tried to deep fry it though, like an actual potato.
No. See-
*she thinks*
He was alive before they started eating humans…in the Illuminati. …They’d never have…fried his penis back the. *she laughs*
Nowadays, I don’t know.
SNL in the 1970’s: I imagine that would have caused him a lot of pain.
Lacey: He’d have played it off as nothing. *she laughs* Especially if Lem ate it. He’d have cut off his own penis if Lem promised to eat it and enjoy it.
SNL in the 1970’s: My goodness! That does sound painful though, Lacey.
Lacey: *she looks lovely and thoughtful*
SNL in the 1970’s: You don’t want a dick?
Lacey: What do you mean!? *she says quickly*
SNL in the 1970’s: Oh no, I don’t mean being with your husband.
Lacey: *she smiles*
SNL in the 1970’s: I mean, having your own penis.
Lacey: *Looks repulsed.*
Yuck! No! No, thank you.
*fake vomits*
Not for me.
SNL in the 1970’s: But you like holding a dick?
Lacey: *Thinks*
*Thinks*
Are you talking about Jack Kennedy’s fried…dick?
SNL in the 1970’s: That’s all purely theoretical, Lacey.
Lacey: *Thinks*
SNL in the 1970’s: They never cut off his penis. I’m almost positive…
Lacey: *sticks out her pointer finger like she’s pontificating*
*Thinks*
He probably had a nice dick though. You know?
SNL in the 1970’s: How’s that!?
Lacey: I imagine he kept it in good condition. Doesn’t he seem like someone who would have moisturized his penis? …I was so mean about it last night. But…really…even if it was humble…I imagine he kept it in good shape.
SNL in the 1970’s: He had Herpes.
Lacey: *blinks*
I can’t help but think he…-
He must have treated that. *she says quickly* And then moisturized it. *she says more slowly* And then-He may have even exfoliated it.
SNL in the 1970’s: Was that for Lem’s sake?
Lacey: *thinks*
*almost laughs*
I doubt it.
*finally smiles*
I think it was just for the…sake of having a-an admirable penis. *she says more loudly*
SNL in the 1970’s: *Thinks*
Do you suppose that’s what all these “dick pics” are about?
Lacey: I have wondered!! *she says brightly*
I actually have wondered that.
I mean, we both know that’s not the case-
*then she stops and thinks, and second guesses herself*
A lot of them are gay. Aren’t they?! Do you suppose they’re in competition!?!
SNL in the 1970’s: Huh.
You can’t help but wonder if some of them are. Yes.
But I imagine the rest are for women.
Lacey: I wouldn’t want that.
SNL in the 1970’s: Does Satan have a penis?
Lacey: *Thinks*
Does he have children?
SNL in the 1970’s: Actually, doesn’t God say something about that? (*trying not to laugh*)
Lacey: What is it!?
Is it that…he has no children? Or is it that…he has them…but…he hates them? I don’t remember?
SNL in the 1970’s: He hates them.
Lacey: *looks thoughtful*
So he must have something like a penis.
*smiles*
Well, that’s nice.
*smiles fondly*
SNL in the 1970’s: Lacey…*a bit of a pause* you hate…-
Lacey: *Looks very apprehensive, guards herself*
SNL in the 1970’s: You hate…- You hate…something? Right? (*an audience somewhere is cracking-up laughing*)
Because, most people hate Satan. …But you seem quite fond of him.
Lacey: *Thinks*
He’s…very thoughtful. …At least, that’s how I’ve experienced him.
*Thinks*
SNL in the 1970’s: But he is Satan…-
Lacey: *Thinks*
*Eyes the potato chips*
*Thinks*
Well, see…*she speaks in an expansive, benevolent manner* I think…I’m being tested.
Yes, it’s bad. Sin is bad. Sin is…unspeakably bad. …But…I appreciate…finding out what I’m made of. So, that’s one way to be thankful for…-
*she thinks*
That’s one way…to…-
*she thinks*
I think it’s nice. In a way. On a certain level. …In a sense.
SNL in the 1970’s: That’s- I think you’re missing something. I’m sure you are.
Lacey: But it’s nice to know what pieces of crud a lot of humans are? Certainly not all of us. But…the ones who are? …God could have been…taken in?
*She thinks*
Actually, no. That doesn’t make sense. Or does it? He does test us. …Was Satan just skeptical?
I need to analyze it.
SNL in the 1970’s: You’re very bright.
Lacey: *blinks*
SNL in the 1970’s: I think you are.
Lacey: *raises her eyebrows, thoughtfully*
SNL in the 1970’s: You’re skeptical about compliments?
Lacey: I am. Always.
SNL in the 1970’s: I don’t think people understand that.
Lacey: *Thinks*
SNL in the 1970’s: Do you love Lem?
Lacey: Yes.
SNL in the 1970’s: You’ve had a rather…painful time with him. Do you think…if he’s Emperor Constantine…that you’d ever consider being his wife in the Holy Roman Empire?
Lacey: *Thinks*
Yes! I feel like he’d be more himself back then. If there’s reincarnation.
SNL in the 1970’s: Would you?
Lacey: I don’t know. I’m curious to see what they ate.
SNL in the 1970’s: I doubt they ate fried dick?
Lacey: *laughs*
Do we know for certain that they didn’t?
SNL in the 1970’s: No.
Lacey: They ate human brains in Papau New Guinea. The Asmats.
SNL in the 1970’s: Do you like Jack?
Lacey: *looks stunned, thinks*
I…don’t.
SNL in the 1970’s: Are you jealous of him?
Lacey: No. He’s just…vile.
SNL in the 1970’s: Then I wouldn’t think anyone would want to eat his dick.
Lacey: Not necessarily.
*she suddenly regains some energy and perks-up, after being a bit sleepy*
I imagine…*she thinks* Some truly obsessed woman who was in love with him may have been interested?
SNL in the 1970’s: Why is that?
Lacey: *she thinks*
Because he was so cold.
*she thinks*
It’s like…*She thinks* He tortured them…with his penis. …So…cutting it off…and eating it…could have made them feel…weirdly comforted and…it’s some justice? Maybe?
I’m used to being regaled with the perspective of today’s Illuminati.
But perhaps it would be comforting to some? …He tortures them, viciously teases them…and then…finally it’s…theirs.
*She thinks*
Or maybe not. I’m used to hearing the psychological explanations for why the current Illuminati ate humans, these days. …Maybe most people don’t find that sort of thing comforting.
SNL in the 1970’s: Do you?
Lacey: No!!!
SNL in the 1970’s: Me neither.
More later.
