A man in the CIA: She’s very good at talking about us. And we’re too narcissistic to notice.
Satan: She could literally be Satan!
God: Except not. Because, they’re both better off separate.
The CIA: Satan and Lacey are bad for each other!?
God: *laughs*
No. But they’re going to be best, separate.
A woman reading this blog: We’re tired.
We’re just tired.
I turn on my television and I don’t think. My parents were the same way.
I think we started worshiping Bobby because…we were told to.
A demon: I’d just like to point out The Simpson’s are playing. Right now. In her house. …And it’s “Tree House of Horror Number III”. The one where Krusty comes home to a doll, and gives Homer a sponge bath.
…She could be with Satan, provided she hasn’t been lied to. Provided it’s even possible.
But she’s choosing Lem.
She is a she. Lacey is a she. …And she’s…in love with Lem.
…You have two real options.
- She’s a sexless, pathetic, unhappy woman. And for some sad reason she’s in love with a dead gay man. You should pray she gets…a chance to be an adult, and enjoy sex. At least once.
- Lem was not gay. And still isn’t.
But you can’t actually do both. Logically. Believe it or not. And despite what the current Illuminati says, logic and math do matter. Up is actually up.
*Lacey watches the show*
The demon: She didn’t watch this show. The synchronicities are real.
Two other points: 1. She didn’t know Mark had money. His family didn’t know that.
But no, she only knew he had a good job. But she had absolutely no idea he had a savings.
He told her that…in…2011. They’d moved-in together before she knew.
She only moved-in with him to not…die alone. Essentially.
And no, her father didn’t know his father had suspected her of being a gold-digger. When he gave her her inheritance. Or a part of it. …That was not to exonerate her.
2. This blog was never meant to be about the Kennedys. Truly.
*later*
A man who may be her father-in-law: So…you had no idea!?
Did someone tell her? Did someone tell her that that’s what we were thinking!?
The Illuminati: Yes.
Lacey: I had no idea.
That man: We didn’t know either way, but we assumed the worst.
Lacey: It’s not that much money…
I inherited more from my father.
That man: *Thinks*
I guess it’s not.
Lacey: I mean, it’s not nothing. …It’s extremely unusual to have a net worth and no debt in your twenties, and a good job. Sadly. But…it wasn’t actually that much.
*she laughs*
…You all are very well-off…why did you think it was such a big deal!?!?
*she looks confused*
The man: *Thinks*
Because you were so good-looking!
Lacey: …To me, this is who I was dating:
If there’s reincarnation.
It’s…nice to marry a handsome man. …But…Mark has presence. And real intelligence.
Thomas Thynne, 2nd Viscount Weymouth: I think you may not have fully understood how charming your son really was and is…
The man: He was…-
But she was extraordinary.
It just seemed…-
*He thinks*
What attracted you to him?
Lacey: I thought he was good-looking. But it was mostly his attitude. …It was just…the way he…carried himself.
The man: We also hated that she hadn’t graduated from college. We felt…snobby about it, I guess.
God: What if she’d graduated from Oxford?
The man: I’d have hated her. …I’d have completely loathed her.
Lacey: I know.
…So…what exactly…was the real issue?
A previous girlfriend of Mark’s: They hated me too.
Lacey: Would you really have loathed me?
The man: Yes.
Lacey: What if I was louder? Like a louder person? …Someone who spoke-up more.
The man: *Thinks*
I might have loved that.
Lacey: Huh.
So, you wanted a…talkative person?
The man: …Yeah.
Thomas Thynne: Mark didn’t want that. Those women don’t attract him.
The man: *thinks*
Thomas Thynne: He’s a great lad.
A good worker. A kind man.
Do you want to keep him? *he laughs, jovially*
We’ll take him back, if you don’t like him enough. You know?
Or we’ll just take him. Add him to the list.
I do like the name Mark.
The man: You’re going to take my son!?
Thomas Thynne: …If you don’t like him.
We do.
*Later*
Satan: *laughing*
What made you jump to “gold-digger”!? There were a plethora of other perfectly hateful options.
The man: I wanted to be…a rich man. It made me feel rich.
Satan: *thinks*
But what if it wasn’t true!? Wasn’t that a rather risky insult?
The man: I guess…
Lacey: It was such a strange way to enter a family.
Lacey: *laughs with Satan*
My!
That’s a new take, on Jesus…
A Black woman: *laughs*
Lacey: Maybe he was Egyptian.
Lem: *Laughs with them all, loud enough for him to be heard*
No, it’s not that she’s stupid. Or incorrect. …It’s that…look.
I’m imagining the Egyptians looking like him- *he laughs with Lacey*
Lacey: But he was Jewish anyway.
Lacey: OH!
Now I see why your brain went there…-
Do one of our sons look like him!? If there’s reincarnation?
Lem: *nods*
Lacey: *Smiles*
This book makes me furious.
To be honest.
The Illuminati: Is that a death threat…on Prince Andrew’s life? For eating babies.
Satan: Yes. From a dead Swedish prince. …Yes, he may have accidentally eaten a reincarnated Swedish prince.
Why does that piss you off, Lacey?
Lacey: I don’t entirely know. …It just seems…so stupid.
Satan: Why?
Lacey: He’s…dead. Why write about him?!
Satan: Why not?
Lacey: Because he’s dead.
Satan: I’m not understanding. Elaborate.
Lacey: …He’s a great kid! I can tell.
It just seems…odd…to…write about his death.
…Why are we supposed to read this?
Elliott: *laughs with Lacey*
Especially the way he died. HE DIED FROM WEARING HIS SANDALS…?
*Lacey laughs with him*
Lacey: He just walked in a lake?
Elliott: Ahh! Wearing his sandals.
It was the sandals that killed him…- *he laughs*
Lacey: Why do we need those details on the back cover!??
The whole thing is just…weird.
She’s making her grief into a glamor shot!?
Elliott: YES!
*He laughs*
I don’t know. I could be wrong. But that’s my first thought too.
Lem: Poor kid.
Are you angry at her?
Lacey: For letting him die?
Yes.
Lem: That’s not our son, who died.
Lacey! Why not tell our readers now, how we lost our children.
Lacey: Should there be reincarnation? Sure.
- I got deathly ill, and lost the baby.
- I was told it was safe to ride a horse, and did. Thinking it made sense. And then I lost the baby. …It was too late in the pregnancy, for me.
- Another time…-
Lem: We had sex. And I made a mistake.
Lacey: And another time…I was wearing a corset. …And I accidentally-
It was early enough-
It was a horrific mistake.
A hater: If you were high…or younger…I’d look the other way. But bitch…this is real.
The man: *crying*
SHE KNOWS THAT!!!!! *he yells at her*
A hater: FUCK YOU!!! *she yells at Lacey*
Prince Andrew: What’s your problem?!
A hater: You all are nuts.
The man: You think we eat babies!?!
Prince Andrew: *rolls his eyes*
She probably does!
A hater: No.
I’m not that dumb.
I just don’t-
I don’t give A SHIT.
Lord Thynne: Why?
A hater (from the perfume community): Because…she was…inappropriate.
Casi and her friends and family told me everything. …We all know.
Everyone in the perfume community knows what that ugly lesbian did to Casi. Mmhmm.
We all know.
The FBI: So a felony was committed. Almost for certain.
And…none of that smear campaign bullshit was ever true.
The boy who died: I was-
I’m a grown man, now. By the way.
Umm…-
She got busy.
God: Are you mad?
The boy: Yes.
An actor on “The Office”: Wow.
Sorry.
The boy: *laughs*
I want to say more…but I can’t.
Jesus: Lacey thought you were sitting on my lap, first.
The boy: …I thought you could just…walk around in the lake. And it intrigued me.
Lacey: That makes complete sense!
The boy: Yeah.
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