A man reading her blog: I know what happened. With this “perfume community”.
They all had a fake persona. Pretending that they “didn’t care” because they were so rich. A true “laissez-faire community”. Nothing…really evil, mind you. Just…rich and relaxed and upbeat. But none of that was real.
She presented herself exactly as she is. And compared to most of them, if they’d been what they pretended to be, she’d have been considered “uptight”. Nice, kind, polite, but decidedly uptight. And she’s actually not…BUT…they kind of ARE.
Perfume collecting isn’t just for queers and ugly poor people. Still, the problem is her background. She’s rigid wealth. Real, blessed, and meaningful…but…tough. And…they lost their shit. …Because it’s old money. And it’s Scandinavian. They are not the ones. Not nowadays. But these people lost their shit and went crazy on her ass. Every single fucking day. *I laugh*
And she’s not one to rock the boat…but…she never could figure out who she was actually talking to. Someone who would be offended by truth or someone who was basically impossible to please.
The thing is, she’s the normal one. …She presented herself as she is. …Because that’s normal. …Having some insane Instagram persona is actually not normal. You’re supposed to be at least kind of real. Otherwise people won’t know who they’re talking to.
So now…she’s supposed to be…nice? Ha! She can’t be!! You can’t attack someone like that and then expect for them to be nice.
And sadly, it’s their faults. Because…they’re the ones who were lying.
THEY LIED. …They lied. …They LIED. And they’re still all just a bunch of liars.
*he shrugs*
Dimitry: Okay. Whatever.
…But see…I would think that…whoever Lem loves now…would be just like JFK.
Right?
This man reading: What!?!
Dimitry: I mean…-
*he looks aghast*
Isn’t that what we’re really looking at!?
This man reading: No!
What the fuck dude?
NBC: We’re pretty sure Lem was straight. So…you’re just coming at it from-
No. Lem was straight…-
*later*
A woman reading this blog: …Here’s what I can’t figure out: why Chris?
Did she really think he was Micheal Rockefeller!?
Michael Rockefeller: Yes. Unfortunately.
My energy haunts Rockefeller Center. It’s both intentional and not. And he honestly has been channeling me, from the start. …I can’t assume it’s not a conscious decision on his part. I have no idea what he knows about me and my family-
Regardless, that’s what she saw. He reminded her of other people. But he actually does channel me. …He fully is channeling me. Everyday.
Lacey: He’s very different from the way he presents himself. Publicly. But it’s…more extreme than most people.
Micheal: He’s just not me.
Lacey: I wonder if he even knows…
I could write a fictional parody just based on that premise alone. That he’s this poor kid who made it big…and he doesn’t know how bad the upper class can actually be. So his “handlers” tell him to “channel his higher self” who ends-up just being some dead guy who haunts his building. Because…he can’t tell the difference, and there’s evil involved.
*later*
John from Messiah: Did you sleep through your classes…anticipating that you’d just get married?
Lacey: DAMN!!!
I had no idea I had SO MANY HATERS. GOOD GOD.
No.
A dead man from Messiah College: What were you doing?
Lacey: Just…reading the vibes. Truly.
A dead man from Messiah College: Okay. But you’re not a fuck-up. You’ve done well.
Lots of people envy you.
What were you, actually thinking?
Lacey: Just reading the vibes.
A dead man from Messiah College: Huh.
But I mean…you must have been-
What was worst case scenario?
Lacey: Death. Of course.
A dead man from Messiah College: Lacey…we’re not all thinking that.
Lacey: *laughs*
Yes, you are.
You can’t fool me…
*she laughs, amicably*
A dead man: Okay, we are thinking about death as a worst case scenario. YES! But…not in that way.
I mean…it’s always in the back of our minds. Yes! And I think that’s where you got confused. Because it seems similar. But…it’s not.
Lacey: *Thinks*
Huh.
Well. I guess we’re different then.
A dead man: I don’t understand this…scenario.
I’m not necessarily Eldon Fry. But I do know him. I’m actually from the Greatest Generation.
…I understand you better than Eldon.
What…the hell!? Lacey! What the HELL!?!
Lacey: *thinks*
You mean…death?
A dead man: YES!!!
Lacey: *feels slightly nervous*
*thinks*
*bites her bottom lip*
*thinks*
Huh.
*thinks*
I’m-
*thinks*
*thinks*
It’s just…wildness.
Elliott: *cracks-up laughing*
Lacey: It’s just…survival.
You know?
Being…human.
This dead man: So…was actually was the worst case scenario? Pick a moment.
Lacey: *thinks*
I took a plane out of the Philadelphia airport once. And to save money I stayed there overnight. Alone.
Worst case scenario: I end-up dead. Best case scenario, I saved money.
I was incredibly tired. But I did enjoy seeing Philadelphia at night. …That was fun. …And I was in my early 20’s. …I just…stayed near janitors. Read. And that was twenty years ago.
I would never do that again. And now it isn’t even safe. But it was interesting. And I did save money.
A woman: How much money did you save?
Lacey: *thinks*
About $100.
In 2007.
A woman: Okay. Well.
Yeah, I don’t think it’s worth it.
Lacey: It wasn’t.
But I enjoyed seeing the city.
I took a train out of Harrisburg and then went into Philly. It was…fun.
John from Messiah: Were you doing stuff like that all of the time?
Lacey: *Smiles*
*thinks*
I rarely went into New York City or D.C..
I did see Philly. There’s a great art museum in Philadelphia.
And back then at least, the train ride from Harrisburg to Philly was really nice.
One of her former roommates: Were you gone for days!?
Lacey: *laughs*
Yes. Never more than two days at a time.
It rarely happened though. Most of the time, I just kept awful hours.
Tucker Carlson: I never met her. If you’re wondering.
She knew people who were in Harrisburg. And Philly.
I wouldn’t bet on them still even being alive.
Lacey: That was twenty years ago.
John from Messiah: Did you fail out of our school…because of these people?
Lacey: Well…-
They were very distracting. But they also provided me with a reason to care.
I actually think…it was-
Around 2008….things got dark. And no, I don’t mean Barack Obama. …I mean: things got bad. And…it was incredibly depressing.
I had a hard time caring anymore.
I was a political science major, of course. For those of you who don’t know that.
Putin: *nods*
What was it that really crushed you?
Lacey: I just didn’t want to live anymore.
Listen to “Let Go” by Frou Frou.
Lacey: I just wanted to die.
The Democrats were…delusional.
The Republicans were…dying.
And…nobody noticed.
I used to watch The Real Housewives of Orange County and think, “This is it. This is my only hope, in a way.” Because, that had life. Everything else was…dead.
It was a wasteland.
For me, anyway.
An absolute wasteland.
A star from the show: Yes!
We seemed…real. I know what you mean.
Even if we were obviously fake.
Lacey: YES.
You were all…alive.
Your fights were…so…true.
So honest.
Even if they were staged.
Putin: I admit. *he laughs* I was a fan.
*he laughs*
I know what she means.
Those women weren’t part of the propaganda. Because they were too rich. And…I was directly involved.
Okay, if there’s an Illuminati…they were inducted. Or course. But…they already had connections. So…they couldn’t completely twist their…beings…into…propaganda bullshit.
Lacey: They’ve been in the back of my mind…as hidden truth. Ever since.
They were…very helpful.
John from Messiah College: WHERE? What graphics?
Lacey: *thinks*
Their hair. For me, as a straight woman, their hair told me a lot.
A gay hair stylist: YES!
What about it?
Lacey: It was…bad. But…not really. And I could tell it was real.
Like actually real.
They were real rich women. And they actually did go to Cabo. And drink. And…-
It was eye-opening, for me.
Putin: How so?
Lacey: I mean…-
They chose that life. I realized that some women actually do…marry well. …Like…they actually do that. With NO SHAME.
And it was…so fascinating.
Putin: Why?
Lacey: Because…they had…the gall.
And…that meant…wild creatures existed in South America.
I mean, that’s what it spoke to me.
And I thought of Amelia Earhart. And then…death. And…airplanes?
Sailing. Shipping routes.
And I thought, “Oh no! Earth still exists!”
And so…it was time to recalibrate.
The Illuminati: Well, Scotia…-
You’re a lot like them. But…you think of giant snakes and ships. Cool.
Sweetie…I think we got off track. Because we’re having a problem. Bobby is trying to trap you. And it’s-
*they laugh*
It’s a hilarious waste of time.
*they laugh*
What else did you think of?
Lacey: The horizon. The ozone layer.
The ocean.
And my plans for South America?
*she looks confused*
The Illuminati: Your personal plans?
Lacey: Yes?
*looks confused*
The Illuminati: *thinks*
What are we doing there?
Lacey: Sneaky our way into the continent. Swallowing it up. But not really. And then using it for farming?
Why am I doing that? That makes no sense…
The Illuminati: For farming?
Lacey: Yes! Chile and Peru!? Great farming!
I may grow coffee? Beans?
It’s very fertile land.
A woman from California who isn’t “fucking” Bobby Kennedy Junior: That sounds like a previous life.
Did your dad do that?
Lacey: *thinks*
NO!
I DID THAT!!
*she says, possibly manifesting her previous childhood self?*
The woman from California: How old is that part of you?
Lacey: About two or three. *she laughs at herself, lovingly*
The woman from California: So how did you as a two year old…do that?
Lacey: *thinks*
I won’t do that to you!
I’m-
I could get very determined. Very stubborn.
Don’t bother. *she says with sincere kindness.*
The woman: See, I think that’s good.
Lacey: Thank you.
My kids aren’t that stubborn. I don’t know where that came from in me. It can be a strength and a weakness.
Bobby: So! She’s my uncle reincarnated after all.
Didn’t Lem call him stubborn!?
HA! We are getting…results.
The Illuminati: No. She’s not Jack.
Bobby: HA! So true.
She isn’t jack-shit.
Fair.
The Illuminati: No.
Bobby: But…-
Jack has gotten dumb.
She is stupid now.
I have no use for her.
Listen to “Gangnam Style (Op Op Op Op Oppan)” by The Carrots.
Bobby: *dances, flinging his junk around*
Cheryl: STOP!!
You got bruises last time you did this.
Bobby: I am A POWERHOUSE!!!!
*he yells, flinging himself around*
2:26
Bobby: *gets breathless*
*leans forward, onto the sofa, to catch his breath*
Cheryl: *walks by, cheerfully, mindlessly chewing gum*
Bobby: I have…sex.
*he jokes with his buddies, in the Illuminati*
The song ends.
Lacey: I’m not Jack Kennedy.
A dead man from Messiah College: How can you possibly think she’s JFK?
Do I remind you of him?
Bobby: YES!!!
*he laughs at the man*
Listen to “Gangnam Style” by Brickbreaker.
Bobby: I like this song!!!
It’s got…THE POWER!!
HEY MAMA!!!! *he screams*
Cheryl: No, he’s not high.
*she laughs, watches him from the kitchen and eats potato chips*
Bobby: *dances*
Cheryl: He’s trying to live longer than anyone else.
He believes this is…healthy.
The CIA: This could eventually give him a heart attack.
The song ends.
Listen to “Upbeat Inspirational Song About Life” by Teen Titans Go! & Micheal Bolton.
Bobby: I LOVE THIS ONE!!
*He laughs*
1:39
The Illuminati: This was his secret theme song…during the election.
The song ends and restarts.
Bobby: MY LIFE IS UPBEAT.
*he laughs, very sincerely happy, for a moment*
The Illuminati: He hides this part of himself, in public.
The song ends.
The song restarts.
A Millennial: How do you stand it? *someone asks Cheryl*
Cheryl: He cheats.
I have lovers.
*she shrugs*
*she eats her potato chips*
Bobby: I feel like I can do anything.
*he laughs*
She’s my secret.
*he points to Cheryl*
A Millennial: Are you his babysitter?
Cheryl: To be honest?
*she laughs*
Yes.
The song ends and restarts.
Bobby: Well!
IT’S A WORKOUT!? HUH!?
*he laughs*
LIFE!!!
1:50
Lacey: That’s hilarious.
The song ends.
Listen to “Crystals” from Teen Titans Go!.
Bobby: *dances but then falls back on his sofa, laughing*
I can’t do that one.
*he says breathlessly, grinning*
A Boomer in his 70’s: Yeah, I can’t do that one either.
Bobby: *suddenly looks dead serious*
*ignores him*
Listen to “Shenanigans” next.
Bobby: *looks grumpy now, just frowning on his sofa, glaring off nowhere necessarily*
The song ends. Listen to “Go’!”.
Bobby: THEY RUINED MY SET!!!! *he screams at Cheryl*
Cheryl: *walks in*
Who?
Bobby: SOME WEIRD MAN.
Listen to “GO! (Remix)”.
Cheryl: Okay!
*she acts like a child, jumping up and down, acting silly*
The song ends.
Bobby: *looks-up*
Cheryl: *starts clapping and dancing silly*
“Upbeat Inspirational Song” plays next.
Cheryl: *tries to be sexy*
Bobby: *Rolls his eyes*
*stands-up*
That’s not how you do it.
*he gently but certainly pushes her out of the way*
ROCK IT!!! *he yells*
The song plays.
Listen to “Welcome to Jump City” next.
Bobby: *starts shaking his buttocks*
*laughs*
The song ends. Listen to “Balloon Man Invades” next.
Bobby: *looks scared*
This one always catches me off-guard- *he says breathlessly*
Cheryl: Are you okay?
The song ends.
Listen to “Check This Out” next.
Bobby: *Just stands there*
Listen to “This Is Where They Make Movies” next.
Bobby: I want to party.
Cheryl: DONE.
*she walks off to go change the music*
Listen to “Take Her to Sea, Mr. Murdoch” by James Horner.
Bobby: *begins spinning in a circle, quickly*
Cheryl: VERY PRETTY!!!
*she claps*
Bobby: I just want to look pretty!!!
*he screams at her*
Cheryl: Aww!
I love you!!!
Bobby: I LOVE YOU TOO, CHERYL!! *he screams*
2:38
Cheryl: *Stands and watches him*
Bobby: *laughing*
I AM FLYING!!! *he screams*
3:48
Cheryl: *eats her potato chips*
Lacey: He’ll be off sleeping with some chick, by tonight?
Cheryl: Yup.
And I’m not running an insane asylum.
You understand, Lacey.
We have fun! Bobby and I. Lots of fun.
The song ends. Listen to “‘Hard to Starboard’” by James Horner, next.
Lem: I did the same thing.
He was never my lover. You can’t-
I tried to kill him. I genuinely tried to get him to overdose on heroin.
Couldn’t do it…
The CIA: Why?
Lem: He’s not just childish.
It’s not just immaturity.
I think he inherited actual insanity…somehow…from his mom. …He’s criminal. He tried to kill me, and I stopped him. And then he tried to kill his siblings. And his friends. With drugs.
…I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t figure out how…-
The CIA: Could Tom Banks have killed him?
The song ends.
Bobby: *begins trying to dance like a ballerina*
Listen to “Unwilling to Stay, Unwilling to Leave”.
Lem: Yes.
But he washed his hands of it. Back in 1963.
He didn’t want to be involved ever again.
The CIA: I don’t understand.
2:55
Tom Banks: He can’t be trusted.
Most people have a natural instinct to trust. I don’t. But it’s not psychopathy.
He uses that. To escape. He’s very strategic.
Lem is smart. But…he couldn’t fix the situation.
But…we all have our weaknesses.
Lacey: What’s our weakness?
The song ends.
Listen to “The Sinking”.
Tom Banks: We can’t figure out…how to engage…with other people…if we can’t control the situation. Not easily.
It’s more complicated than that…but that’s the gist of it.
I took over-
But I was lonely. A lot.
Thelma understood. Reta did not.
2:10
Bobby: *starts spinning again*
I’m MAD!!! *he says, “pretending” to be insane*
3:47
The song ends.
Listen to “Death of Titanic”.
Bobby: *interpretative dances*
A gay man: Are you looking for a light?-
Bobby: YES!
*he keeps doing whatever he was doing*
A gay man: Wow!!!
You can’t find one!!?!
Bobby: No.
*he looks sad*
3:41
3:54
Bobby: *looks terrified*
*Starts running crazily around his living-room*
*falls to the ground*
A gay man: ARE YOU DEAD!?!
5:00
Bobby: YES!!!
5:13
5:33
A gay man: YOUR HEART WILL GO ON!?!
6:03
Bobby: Yes… *looks sad*
Lacey: Did I just hear the Jewish national anthem?
At 6:16?
A gay man: *shrugs*
Bobby: *rolls around*
A gay man: Are you in Hell?
The song ends.
Bobby: I don’t know!
*he stands-up, sharply*
Maybe.
*he goes to get a snack Cheryl set out for him on the kitchen counter*
The song ends.
The next song plays.
Lacey: I’m done.
This is getting boring.
Bobby: Go eat! *he says to Lacey*
Lacey: *thinks that might be a good idea*
Was that the Jewish national anthem?
Bobby: *stops eating to think*
The Hatikvah!??
Lacey: *goes to play the Hatikvah*
Listen to “Hatikvah” as performed by Israel Orchestra.
Lacey: It’s a beautiful song.
Bobby: *eats his sandwich, in his own little world, in his head*
Lacey: YEAH.
It’s in there.
Interesting.
Bobby: *marches over to the listening device, and turns on “Gangnam Style” by PSY.
*begins trying to lip-synch to the song, like a rockstar*
*dances and lip-synchs around the room*
Lacey: *sits and analyzes the implications of the Hatikvah being in the soundtrack to Titanic*
Lem: Are you okay?
Lacey: Yes.
A part of my brain is just thinking like a child. By choice. But I’m fine.
I knew I could have played with him, as a kid.
Bobby: *Begins jumping on his sofa to “Turn Down for What” by DJ Snake & Lil Jon plays.*
*rocks it out, dancing like a rockstar on his sofa*
Lacey: *Begins getting distracted*
*Bobby doesn’t notice*
The song ends.
Lacey: I’m going.
*throws a peace sign at Bobby*
Bobby: *nods and smiles*
*Lacey takes off and he keeps jumping on the sofa*
*Cheryl walks-in and asks if he needs water*
Lacey: That was weird.
Is he okay?
Lem: Yes!
He’ll just tire himself out.
Lacey: That had to have been the Hatikvah!
What are the implications?!?
Was that an illusion to the death of Mr. Guggenheim?
Harold Loeb: That would make sense.
He was a good man. A great Jew. And a Zionist.
Lacey: Did we lose Israel… that night?
Listen to “The Moldau” by Bedrich Smetana as performed by the Seattle Symphony.
Mr. Guggenheim: The cold shocked me. It was horrible for a few moments.
And then…I was so overtaken by the cold that I went unconscious. And I drown.
Lacey: This is the Seattle Symphony! They sound like what I remember!
Mr. Guggenheim: Isn’t that something!??
Lacey: It’s almost shocking!
Mr. Guggenheim: Yes!
*he laughs*
*he thinks*
It is.
Lacey: *looks shocked*
Mr. Guggenheim: Wow.
Lacey: You’d think the same song, same instruments? Same traditions about how to play the song, even? But…each group is remarkably unique.
Mr. Guggenheim: I have my preferences!
Lacey: I’m too afraid to have preferences.
Mr. Guggenheim: *takes a deep breath*
Well, you have to be brave. And have insight.
Lacey: *Thinks*
I wonder if you have to have a point?
Mr. Guggenheim: *thinks*
*thinks*
You do.
Lacey: YES!!!
Oh well!!!
Oh well, I guess!!
Mr. Guggenheim: And it can’t be just about control…
Lacey: ABSOLUTELY.
*laughs*
I think my father did have meaning though. I don’t think he was just…a worthless man.
Mr. Guggenheim: *thinks*
Yes, DUH!
We lost Israel!!!
Lacey: HOW!?
Mr. Guggenheim: *looks furious*
The song ends.
Mr. Guggenheim: I wanted to keep things safe.
*he fumes*
I’m a Jew.
I had a horrible fear that if we evolved into a one currency world…we’d no longer be Jews.
They probably believe they’ve dogged the bullet. …But…no-
You can’t-
It’s still…-
We don’t have enough freedom.
Bibi: *Thinks*
Were you actually afraid of the Dollar?
Mr. Guggenheim: YES!!!
Seems safe? Right?
*he laughs*
No one currency is ever that secure.
Bibi: Fair enough.
Mr. Guggenheim: I wanted Israel to…be a nation. But I wasn’t sure where.
For a while I wondered if Germany would work. Or somewhere near there.
But…I knew we needed our own land. Our own government. It was actually the only way to rid the world of the Jews. *he laughs*
Let us have our own country. See what we can do. We’ll get out of everyone’s hair.
Lacey: It’s odd how much I think that way myself…
Just as an individual person.
Listen to “Gangnam Style” by Feuerschwanz.
