Lem: I needed you all to be honest about my sexuality, last night. And Lacey’s.
It didn’t happen. Not enough.
Listen to “Optimistic” by Radiohead.
The song plays and ends.
Lacey: I’d let Vladimir blow up the whole world. But…I like drinking my tea. And eating my caramels. Much too much.
*Lacey sips her hot tea*
We’d not die…well enough.
Listen to “Lightning Field” by Sneaker Pimps.
Lacey: I’m not really a corny person.
And I’ve never been able to capture my face. On camera. To my satisfaction.
It’s not just vanity. Actually, it isn’t vanity at all. …I just want an accurate picture of my own bloody face.
Listen to “Paradise Circus” by Massive Attack.
Lacey: He is sexy.
But…he doesn’t love you.
…At all.
It’s unfortunate…
Bobby Kennedy Junior: Ha!
I’m the Devil.
*he laughs*
There is no Satan. Just us.
Arnold: Yes.
Lacey: Hardly.
Satan: Ever ask yourself why animals are so innocent?
Ha!
No, Bobby. I’m not you. …You’re right.
I’m not pure evil.
The song ends.
Listen to “Suspirium” by Thom Yorke.
Lacey drives by a dead animal, on the side of the road. It’s unusually large. It strikes her as odd.
Satan: I keep them innocent. They’re mine.
Unless God says otherwise.
*he shrugs*
Sometimes…dogs go to Heaven. I guess.
You know…I’m not your friend. *he laughs at humanity*
A Satanist in the Illuminati: I know all that.
I still like you.
Satan: Do you want the truth?
A Satanist in the Illuminati: But I trust you…so much more than Christ.
Satan: I love how innocent Lacey is.
She’s…like a deer.
But she’s not an animal.
She’s an astoundingly beautiful woman. Sexy. But so innocent.
…I never liked free-will. That was God’s idea.
She can’t save herself. Because she is human. …But…she could be suspicious of God, much in the same way I am.
Now…after hearing all that…do you still trust me? I mean, how much do you trust her?
Lacey: I just prayed over my daughter, in Jesus’s name.
Satanist in the Illuminati: I’m actively trying to reject her. Because that was what we decided to do in 2016.
To slowly torture her to death. From the inside out.
To win. Power.
Satan: Ha!
Why did that seem like a good idea?
Chris: I misunderstood.
I’m a narcissist.
I thought her husband was her victim. Sexually. Because she’s a lot better looking than him.
I made a lot of assumptions.
The CIA: You thought he was too dorky to be a player? In college?
Chris: Yes.
Listen to “Destroying Angel” by Sneaker Pimps.
Satan: He’s…vicious.
When he wants to be.
JFK only dreamt of being his equal. Jack Kennedy was never a British aristocrat. He only secretly wanted to be, like a dirty traitor to his own pathetic soul.
Mark…her husband…was a British aristocrat.
I can say that. I’m Satan. You figure out what’s real and what’s not? Or did I just tell you the truth…? And I was lying before? …Through your pastor?
A group of dumb humans: *getting angry*
I CAN KICK YOUR ASS, SATAN!
Satan: BE MY GUEST!
*he grins*
Listen to “Lebanese Blonde” by Thievery Corporation.
The song plays.
Bill Gates: *hiding in his posh bunker*
I saw her too.
And I too found her…arousing. But…I’ve stayed away. I’m too smart, I suppose.
But I have tried to protect her. Believe it or not.
…You need to be careful. With what you hear. Don’t make sense of the world using your ego. Regardless of who you are and where you come from.
Listen to “Walking Zero” by Sneaker Pimps.
A reader: Why is he every white jackass’s scapegoat?
4:11
The song ends.
A reader: Does she do what she’s told to do?
Satan: *laughs at whoever said this*
Coming for my dick? Wow.
Cute.
*he giggles, excited to torment them in Hell, potentially*
Bill Gates: No.
That’s not what’s happening. *in response to the person, not Satan*
Joe Kennedy Junior sings “The Hand That Feeds” to mock Lacey, but then…he gets attacked by Irish nationalists, who are defending her. And he tries to laugh with her, but it’s too late.
The song ends.
Lacey smiles.
Lacey: See…he was from Northern Ireland, if there’s reincarnation. He’s James Dobbin.
He may have been Protestant.
I was possibly Catholic.
In the 1800’s.
The Potato Famine was in the 1800’s.
I…may…be more…of a true blue Irish nationalist…than the Kennedys. Me. I AM.
Listen to “There, There” by Radiohead.
Satan: Joe used to sing this song…romantically. To Lacey.
And to be honest…he didn’t deserve this song. She did.
Saoirse was the descendant of heroic Irish dissidents. I’m not surprised she committed suicide, in America, born into that shit family, the Kennedys.
Lacey: Americans love them. …Absolutely love them.
Bill Gates: They, the Kennedys, hate Lacey. Passionately.
But, she hasn’t killed any of them. FYI.
Jonah Wiley: I wouldn’t have expected that.
*he smiles*
What did she do to them?
Bill Gates: WHAT DID SHE DO TO THEM!?
*he laughs at Jonah, for being so naive*
Nothing, Jonah.
*he laughs at Jonah, more*
And at that, a group of white, angry, Millennial men…who claim to be cis and straight…stand together. At a giant gas station. …In rural Indiana.
Almost entirely alone.
Waiting, in anticipation.
Listen to “Only” by Nine Inch Nails.
God: What are you fellas up to?
Jonah: Well.
*he smirks*
We’re…protesting.
*he laughs*
God: You’re protesting?
Jonah: Yup.
1:55
Jonah: We’re…protesting.
And at that…a bomb is dropped. By Dennis Andersen, from a fighter plane. Right on to the gas station.
…There’s a giant ball of fire…and they all die.
Jonah: There.
I did it.
I made my point.
The song ends.
Lacey: I don’t remember white men being this weird. When I was a child.
Elliott Roosevelt: They weren’t.
