Micheal Scott: I think Angela could be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair?
Listen to “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts” as performed by Freddy Martin.
Lem: What if…we’re having a gay affair?
A hater: Okay…but, how would you even do that?
Lem: Interesting question.
How do you imagine that would work?
A hater: *thinks*
You’re a dude. She’s a woman.
I can’t really pretend otherwise.
Umm…-
Lem: Okay.
So then how does it work? It’s your idea.
A hater: I don’t know…
Lem: What do you think it would be? …It’s your idea.
A hater: I don’t know.
Listen to “Cry Me a River” by Justin Timberlake.
Lacey and Lem are gay? And they’re truly both women and men. Having a gay affair?
Huh.
Let’s imagine it.
Lem drives-up to her house, late at night. Joe Kennedy Junior is away, cheating with some woman in his secretarial pool. On a yacht.
Lem…being gay…can’t find her sexually or romantically arousing. And Lacey being gay, apparently, can’t help but not find him sexually or romantically arousing either.
But…for whatever reason…Lem…is…”having an affair with her”.
The song ends.
Listen to “SexyBack” by Justin Timberlake.
Lem walks up the stairs. Prissy. Effeminate. And ready to decorate Lacey’s house.
Except…it’s not sexual. Or intimate…in a sexual way, at all.
…Lacey…watches television? And scratches herself? And farts?
…And that’s not sexual nor romantic either.
Because a real gay man is gay. And a real lesbian woman is lesbian.
And that’s people INSIST on.
God: I see no sex.
2:32
God: So…then…this is impossible. Completely.
And…that’s part of why that joke was so funny.
3:31
God: Still no sex. …As sexy as the song is.
The song ends.
Lacey: How does that work?
Listen to “It’s Amazing” by Jem.
Lacey: HUH!
So maybe YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT!!!! *she yells at them, passionately*
God: She has a feminine way of saying that. It’s not American. But it’s terrifying.
Imagine a British…raspy…elegant feminine voice. Posh. Earthy. Breathy.
That’s her.
Stop ruining your own lives. It’s your reality. Deal with it. She’s real. You can’t keep challenging that without destroying yourself. Energetically.
A hater: Well. Okay.
Maybe she’s a sexy woman.
Lem: YES.
And…I’m a sexy man.
I was straight.
Lem: That’s my WIFE.
And here am I:
I’m those men, by proxy. If there’s no reincarnation. And this my cousin too, through marriage.
So is she:
And he’s my cousin:
This is “me”:
And this is my wife:
Putin: I paid her nothing.
No one does.
…I was protecting her, before anything happened between us.
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