I’ll be editing the previous posts tonight. But (for educational and entertainment purposes only) this post will be all about the Sex Education Program offered by Kennedy Inc.. Founded in 1926, by JP Kennedy.
Believe it or not this man was known as a sex addict and lothario, in his time. That is JP Kennedy, father of Jack, Joe Junior, Bobby and Ted Kennedy. All much, much more famous sex addicts and lotharios.
Why did they do better in the eyes of evil-hearted Americans than their father? And let’s not forget to mention Bobby Kennedy Junior, his grandson, whose second wife hung herself, and who apparently believed that Lem had committed suicide as a sex/love act to honor him.
Well folks, it’s because these gentlemen had a first-rate, top-of-the-line course of education from that very man himself. As the family patriarch JP, instructed his young and their children as well, in the exact course of action when dealing with a woman. And possibly even a man, should the situation arise.
I shall try to give you JP‘s rules of conduct and matter for a man who wishes to be known as a hoodlum in the sack. Here are the top 10 rules from the sex criminal mastermind himself:
1.. Never apologize for something you’ve actually done wrong that matters to you.  Apologize to your spouse, your partner you’re unwitting foe for things that bother them, but that you don’t give a shit about, to give them the idea that you can apologize. 
*Mary Richardson claps, nods her head yes, and laughs*
2. Sleep with as many obnoxious women as possible, or men, when you found one really nice person who is committed to you.
3. Pit, and this is a classic, those people against each other in very subtle, incredibly psychologically destructive ways. So when you’re dating a really genuinely attractive person and you find five other people who are as physically attractive or attractive but with personality disorders or something-that-is-very-psychologically-destructive, pit everyone against each other, including the one really nice person. 
4. And of course this one’s also a known one, but it really is definitely part of the JP education plan: BRAG. Give yourself enormous compliments when it comes to sex, every single chance you can get. Brag about every single sexual encounter that you have to anyone who will listen, absolutely anyone. Find somebody to brag to, but just make sure that you never lose out on an opportunity to brag…about whatever sex you ever…have possibly had…with anybody.
5. Mary wants you to know that yes this is therapeutic to her. She’s fine.
And she would say that dovetails with this other one: Get counseling!
Get counseling or talk to your friends or talk to your priest. Talk to somebody and act like you’re desperately screwed-up and you just need a little bit of help.
Not a lot of help. Oh no, no nothing like that. Just a little help. Because, you’re really not that troubled but you just need a little tiny little little tiny bit of help.
6. Never give your wife a sexual compliment. I don’t care if she has gorgeous eyes and amazing butt or amazingly beautiful hair. Don’t ever tell her that!
And that one really only applies to women. Never ever give your wife, your girlfriend whoever you’re “serious about” any kind of genuine sexual compliment about her best features. Ever.
If it’s a man, don’t you dare let him know that he’s smart. You better sure as heck make sure he thinks he’s an idiot. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, if you are dating a man and you are a man, treat your spouse, your significant other, whoever he is, whatever he is to you, if it matters to you, treat him like he’s a worthless piece of fucking crud…and you’re doing him a favor by talking to him at all.
Don’t ever confuse the two. And this is where this is a patented, top-of-the-line, rare experience for your inquisitive minds. Because this is not something you will hear everywhere. Don’t mix these two up.
Don’t mix them together.
Keep those two separate and specifically designated as your method of madness for the genders mentioned.
If you tell the women that they’re stupid, you will get the wrong woman as your wife. You might wanna even tell your wife or your girlfriend that she’s smart. You may even wanna tell your boyfriend that he’s sexy and attractive. And doing that is so devilish and conniving and manipulative that it goes under the radar of society and your partner 99% of the time. You have the women thinking they’re being loved and understood in a profoundly progressive way. And you have the men thinking that they’re in a hot, sexy love affair,
Now, this is where things may be familiar to you if you know something about the sex life of JFK. He did this folks and he was very successful. Some say that Lem was straight, but he did confuse Lem potentially, even if it didn’t actually work, because he was the wrong orientation. He even confused Lacey Banks, mostly but not entirely because that woman is very hard to confuse. Or rather his brother did Joe, excuse me.
Lacey was told, unbeknownst to her by Joe’s ghost yes, his ghost, that she was an incredibly smart woman. And maybe knowing that he’d have to go a little further with her, he did add that she was very attractive to him, but he stopped short of telling her how attractive she really was because that is, indeed the rule folks. Yes Lacey spent her teenage and young adult years hearing from Joe Kennedy Junior‘s ghost thinking it was just her imagination until she was old enough to realize that that was a ghost because they started revealing themselves to her as ghosts… “You’re so smart.” Over and over again. And it had the same effect as telling Lem that he was a hot, sexy beast. Of course, Lem wasn’t aroused by that, but took it as a very sincere compliment. And being straight he thought that was Jack in a way letting down his guard. And Lacey actually kind of thought that too when Joe would tell her you’re so smart, you’re so smart.
Mary claims that Bobby also told her repeatedly how intelligent she was.   But Lem began to feel as though he was an idiot because he assumed that Jack was giving him an honest, objective, friendly opinion.  And Lacey began to think that Joe was giving her an honest opinion because she didn’t realize that he actually had feelings for her.  You may be asking yourself at this point, “What is the point of doing all these rules?”. That’s a very good question. I actually would not recommend doing any of this but the Kennedy Sex Education Program guarantees results 
And it does get them! Mary thought that Bobby was her soulmate and so she killed herself when he left her. Lacey earnestly still doesn’t quite understand what she looks like to other people, even though she knows that she’s beautiful. And Lem died in shock as he began to realize that he was straight and not actually stupid after all.
You affect people with this method. You alter their lives.
7. And that brings us to rule number number seven. Let everyone think that you are the most attractive human to ever exist.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a lie. Get good tailoring, get a good haircut, spend that extra money on the perfect makeup. And then lie to people, actually, intentionally.  Tell them in your own manipulative way, “I’m better than you but that’s OK. I’ll be your friend anyway.”. Be confident be smiley be totally without any sort of inhibition. And tell yourself the whole time, “I am the most attractive human to ever live!” and be so convinced of that that everyone you meet starts to wonder if it’s actually true. 
This is possibly one of the most important ones.
8. Pretend to be in unwanted, unloved, troubled person, but only to a certain extent. You don’t ever wanna tell people that you’re actually unloved, especially if you are. You want to tell people that you are unloved in a way that’s not very serious. You know nothing terribly traumatic, just a little bit of a tiny pain in your heart. Nothing that they couldn’t fix in a couple of weeks.
9. Tell them that you’re good in bed, and try to be decent at it. You know, don’t do anything too stupid. It doesn’t matter if you’re actually good or bad or ordinary. The key here is to let everyone think that you’re profoundly brilliant.
Some mastermind of sex. A sort of sex expert, if you will. Get people to back you up on that somehow. Make that your quiet, rather troubling reputation. Yes act as though you don’t really want people to know that about you, because it’s sex after all, but if you wanna know the truth, you’re amazing.
A lot of people do this, but really work that angle. Make sure that it’s “a troubling rumor about you” whether it’s true at all or not.
10. And to cap it all off: act as though you are mystified by your own sexuality.
Whether you have an actual psychological problem or not, let people think that you’re sexually troubled. Maybe you are troubled in some way, but that’s not necessary. What’s most important is to give people the impression that you can’t quite figure yourself out in that way, and that you desperately need people to help you.
So whether you have an addiction or you’re closeted or you’re just really sad give people the impression that you…need help…and it’s in a sexual way.
Gloria Swanson: That last one reminds me of JP.
He was always acting like he was so sexually burdened with passion for me. I often felt like by sleeping with him, I was doing something charitable. 
And then I would think to myself, “Wow, this man must really love me now! Because I was so nice to him, when he really needed my help.”
A 1940’s radio announcer: But Miss Swanson, did he really love you?
Gloria Swanson: I don’t know! I really don’t even know!
A 1940’s radio announcer: And that folks is the Kennedy Sex Education Program!  You can enjoy the fruits of evil before descending into Hell or purgatory where you will be tortured by Satan himself, probably. 
You may be asking yourself, “Hey! What are those fruits, after all?”. Well I’ll tell ya. Bobby’s wife killed herself. Lacey is still confused. And she is not an easy person to confuse. And Lem Billings an incredibly heterosexual man, died miserable and alone by himself, never having even made-out with a woman.
If torturing people and making them your slave or making them the poop under your shoe is your bag? Well folks, this is a golden opportunity. Of course, in the eyes of God, they are not, but if you’re a dummy and you like that sort of thing anyway…well that’s the list for you, guy.
A perfume collector from 2026: I am tempted to use this method because, I’m sort of the kind of gal that likes to make people feel like crud. But I gotta tell you “in the eyes of God” to me. sounds like something a counselor would say who was worth their salt in 2026. What I mean by that Jack, is that what you’re saying as being “in the eyes of God” is the reality counselors described to their patients as just objective reality.
A 1940’s radio announcer: Well, that’s an interesting point, there. I’ll tell you this: if you use this method, you’ll burn some bridges, you’ll destroy your soul and you may even wish you’d never been born. And in 2026 that’s the sort of thing that medical professionals in the psychological field try to help their patients avoid using science. Of course they aren’t priest or pastors, but you catch my drift. So then why would you wanna do it? Well, my friend you wouldn’t.
But it’s sure effective if you’re looking for a way to harm people and yet make them fall in love with you.
A perfume collector from 2026:  I am Appalachian and a witch and I just told a skin walker to enter your house and walk out the window if he couldn’t find anything. And I’m wondering if it’s as evil as that or worse. 
1940’s radio announcer: Well, that’s not my house ma’am, that’s the house of a woman who’s helping me write this. And from what I’ve been told the skin crawler or walker came into her house took one look around, made a scratching noise on their bathroom window and then left. Based on the fella that showed-up, I suspect that it isn’t as evil, because he doesn’t seem to have done anything.
A perfume collector from 2026: What did that look like?
A 1940’s radio announcer: I think what you don’t seem to understand is that that’s actually a living person who is into the occult and has somehow gotten into contact with you and was doing Astral Projection. Or there could be entities, but this particular entities seem to be either a living person’s spirit working with the demonic or it seems to be just some sort of supernatural entity that’s kind of like a demon.
A perfume collector from 2026: I’d like to talk to Bobby. I’m a big fan.
A 1940’s radio announcer: I’m afraid I can’t do that for your own safety. That’s just how effective this method is.
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