The Illuminati: still listening to the end of exterminate 
The song ends.
Here.
Ken: have you been honest about Joe?
The Illuminati: no because if we’re honest about Joe, we start getting pissed off at Bobby and Bobby doesn’t stand for that.
Ken: and that’s why they keep dying in his family? Since this whole thing started how many Kennedys have died?
The Illuminati: like six or eight? Maybe maybe eight maybe six depending on how you look at it? I mean if we go outside of time it’s possible it’s closer to 13?
Ken: but you have a solid six people who have died in just one family and she’s not doing anything. They’re just dying like flies?
The Illuminati: Yes.
Ken: does that seem weird to you?
The Illuminati: no it does to Lacey, but we don’t let her talk about that because then she’ll take herself too seriously and I refuse to let her do that. I just in my mind it’s just about happenstance coincidence unrelated shit it has nothing to do with her it’s just a coincidence.
Jan: it’s just a coincidence!
The Illuminati: yes that’s right. It’s all just a coincidence after all and then later today I’ll tell myself that it’s not and I’ll go back to being who I am in reality. Thank you very much and then I’ll get mad at her and I’ll think why is this weirdo still bothering me? It’s just a coincidence
Ken: are you really that out of your mind?
The Illuminati: i’m not out of my mind Ken this is really how I am and she can handle it and you can’t. She knows what’s happening. I’m just making her laugh. We’ve been through this for 10 years back-and-forth. Yes this is how I think.
Putin: OK, but I might start a nuclear war.
The Illuminati: he goes for pageantry OK we could just have a nuclear war. He’s right then we would all be dead. I would be back in my right mind and it would all just be over. Why don’t you just blow us up and euthanize us if you’re so in your right mind and put us out of our misery your chicken aren’t you?
Putin: yes
The Illuminati: OK, but then would you actually do it?
Putin: yes
The Illuminati: are you being evil? Is he being evil or is he just usefully dysfunctional for his own purposes?
Satan: he’s mostly just usefully dysfunctional for his own purposes. There is some evil involved, but he is mostly just dysfunctional.
The Illuminati: then he fails because I might need you to actually kill us all right now Vladimir and I’m sorry to be a bitch to you but if there’s reincarnation, yes I’m sorry to understand why your whole family was shot why were your people starving while your family was totally fine and that seemed completely fine to you!?
Putin: I am redeemed by Christ, but I have a little part of me that is totally heartless in that way I hate suffering. I hate being poor. I’m completely heartless and a little part of myself and it’s not my whole being and I do believe I’ve been redeemed by Christ, but it’s just a little part of me. That is just totally heartless and incredibly completely self-serving. It is just it’s just a small part of me though and I genuinely believe that somehow I will be able to get rid of it through my salvation through Jesus, but it’s still there and I don’t know what to do with it because it’s just it’s just who I am.
The Illuminati: OK, but then I can’t count on you because to tell you the truth if I was in your shoes, I would actually have us all dead. I am that passionate and that brilliant of a person that if if I was in your shoes, we would all be dead right now.
Bibi: that that is very true and that’s why I care about our people so much.
Lacey: OK, but then we’re stuck.
The Illuminati: why did you lead us out of Egypt? Was that really necessary for God or is that is that another lie in the Bible could we have just stayed in Egypt and Ben Jews? Did you need to lead us through the desert and traumatize us for thousands of years what what the hell?
Moses: no I did not need to lead you out of Egypt. I actually went to how to do that. You’re on something.
The reason I did that is because you were rebelling against God too much. The problem with people like Lacey if there’s reincarnation and maybe there isn’t, but if there is is it, they’re absolute like super genius and being as reasonable as Jews are cause yes we did create Christianity. Don’t go on too much about that because people have a hard time stop making that one for some reason but as reasonable as we are, we have a hard time don’t get freaked out, but we have a hard time dominating her.
As men. because she’s naturally the super genius, beauty, queen, and we just think oh my gosh, this woman should just lead us everywhere and then if she gets confused, we start to doubt our faith and we started to doubt everything because Lacey‘s got it all figured out, so did her father.
Because they actually are incredibly good hearted resilient, brilliant people, and it’s very hard not to just think that they think that they’re God I never really entirely bought it because I knew her father and I knew that he was just human I could tell
I could tell that he was either something like a human or a human and I thought nah. there’s no way this man’s actually God 
And I was right they needed saving too. It’s if there’s reincarnation this is kind of a hilarious conversation for me. It’s like oh wow we’ve come full circle but yeah I-
*someone laughs*
I I mean, no they needed salvation too. So I was planning on-
I was trying to make Judaism happen in Egypt, but no, you all were just so stuck on worshiping him and that was part of the reason why God had to attack the pharaoh because you really needed to be showing that he wasn’t actually your God he was actually defeatable.
Yeah, you should not have entertained Chris. He’s not actually Satan. OK he’s just a human and he was not wise enough to be trusted with this much power.
I don’t care how much Ken loves him. He’s not really wise in the way that some people are.
Yeah, I know that was her father-in-law and he could love him, but not her that doesn’t mean anything that actually doesn’t mean anything
Yeah, OK so and then that’s where you get mad at me because Lacey has that figured out. And you think well if I just stayed in Egypt, I’d be safe. You know what you’re right. This is where it’s gonna get creepy you’re actually right if we just stayed in Egypt, yeah we would’ve been safer than then. We still are
If we just stayed in Egypt, you would still be the Jews, but you would just be living in Egypt and you’d still be fine. You’d still exist. You’d be a very safe group of people.
Jesus still would’ve come from you. You’d still have him dead, but you would’ve had nothing to do with his death. You’d be seen as little angels little desert angels some of the sweetest people in the whole world are the Jews.
Yeah, you’d be you’d be hanging out with mommy until the end of the Earth just sort of sitting around smiling like perfect little angels. You never have your own country you would be a very esoteric group of people and the world would be totally different. I can see why that appeals to you right now though.
Yeah, and then that’s where it could be the end of the world.
And as the leader of Israel, I had to bring you out of Israel because you needed to worship Christ you needed to worship God you needed to worship God the God only God you needed to explore you needed to learn about the world you needed to worship God, so in a sense I did the right thing because you needed to worship God and that’s what God was leading me to do I mean that’s the thing the same God that’s leading her is the god that led me to bring you out of Egypt and then that’s where Satan becomes an issue because he’s gonna use the fact that she’s so brilliant as an attack on God.
Because, yes you could’ve lived as Jews and still been Jews and then Satan‘s gonna say well then what was the point of leading Moses out of Egypt? Where did you did you make a mistake? God I thought you couldn’t make mistakes because my wife could’ve my wife could’ve taken care of the Jews just fine and she’s human. What did you even do for these people? You’re a mess huh? You make mistakes I didn’t think you could make mistakes is what he’s gonna say to God.
The Illuminati: what if that’s what we were looking for?
Moses: yeah except you’re attacking Lacey and Satan‘s not your friend.
Listen to “Exterminate” by SNAP!.
A Jew: except if we stayed with mom, we wouldn’t have gone through The Holocaust.
Joseph of the Bible in Egypt: so she is mom to you now?
A Jew: yeah!
*they say, angry*
Jesus: I hear you.
A Jew: how are we not just extraordinarily safe loved people?
Chris: because, I, as a man can say that you needed to explore in the world.
A Jew: I live through the holocaust!?
3:22
God: OK is it any comfort to you that I keep littering the Bible with the name Joseph?
A witch: Yes!
God: yeah and there’s always this weird thing with Lacey because she’s Scotia OK and Joseph was in love with it. Pharaoh‘s daughter.
And then there’s Joseph Kennedy Junior. He was in love with her recently.
And then there’s all these Joe’s in her life were alive who were basically in love with her. There was at least three of them essentially
And then Jesus‘s father was also named Joseph.
I’m I’m God I may have caught onto this line of reasoning with Satan a while ago, so hopefully that comforts you I’ve been working on this with him for a while. I’m not saying that I’m working with him. I’m saying that I’ve been going back-and-forth with him protecting myself and my own interest for a while. And as Lacey’s ultimate father and your ultimate father, if you accept me through Jesus, you really are OK but it doesn’t seem like that at all.
The Illuminati: you know it sure fucking doesn’t and I’ve been calling you a dumbass for a while.
The song ends.
Listen to “Welcome to Tomorrow” by SNAP!.
God: yeah earth is mad at me.
Earth: *nods yes*
Lacey:
You know I have faith and I know that you will ultimately explain all of this, but I’m kind of getting tired of your whole song and dance routine. If you know what I mean?
God: Yes.
The Illuminati: this song is stupid. It could actually be a woman who’s totally insane and there’s a reason Lacey hates this music. Why the hell did you lead us out of Egypt? This is really stupid!!!
Tucker: I did not foresee this happening today.
Trump: I did! So you probably shouldn’t have made an ass of me and attacked her too, over the last two years. you fucking idiot! 
The song ends.
Listen to “Bück dich” by Rammstein.
Casi: are we sure Lacey is not just poor and ugly? Is that our salvation!? *she says, excited and hopeful*
Ken: I like stuff like that too about Scotia, but I don’t. I don’t think that’s probably real. I’m sorry.
Satan: it’s not.
I love torturing people. It’s actually really fun. I’m not poor… I’m a worship leader.
The Illuminati: if you’re expecting me to help her think again she’s helping herself and she has been the whole time.
Satan: I know
I can tell you why he made you leave each, but you’re not gonna like it because you’re too in her head, but you’re not gonna say you’re not gonna like it. I’m not gonna be the father of father of all the Jewish people. God might even allow me to be your father and actually I’d be a very loving father to you because I would be your actual father not like your savior. Do you like me that much?
The Illuminati: I mean, OK as opposed to like my actual dad I don’t know not really maybe not really no no no I don’t. I don’t think so. Yeah no I don’t. I don’t. I’m sorry I don’t be offended. I don’t I like you a lot but not quite that much not quite that much. I’m sorry it’s not. It’s not personal dammit. OK now I don’t want to offend Satan because don’t take your personally OK?
Listen to “Bück dich” by Rammstein.
Becca: I used to listen to Rammstein when I was her roommate at Messiah. I think I’ve screwed up if there’s reincarnation
Lacey’s family who raised her: was Lacey a lesbian with-?
Becca: *laughs*
No, if anything, she was overbearing and maternal, and I got tired of her telling me what to do all the time and trying to get me to be a good person and she would tell me to lose weight. She told me to gain weight she told me to cut my hair. She told me to grow out my hair. She was telling me to be a good person. She told me to get to bed. She would tell me to eat less eating the right way and to be honest with you. It was all very loving and she was 100% accurate. I hated my eye makeup. It was too purple. She told me it looked good. I’ve since looked back at pictures of myself and realized it wasn’t really dated. It actually was timeless and combined with the Lovespell that I was wearing from Victoria’s Secret I was iconic I was borderline epic and she knew that and she told me that because she wanted me to know she’s not bluffing, but if there’s reincarnation, I couldn’t handle the fact that she’s like a mother to me because then I have to admit that I screwed up. I’m not better my father-in-law and my husband is kind of a dummy and I really screwed up.
The Illuminati: you’ve never shared that before that was stupid we needed you to say that.
Becca: I was jealous of Constantine if there’s reincarnation, OK, I was totally jealous of him and this imaginary woman in his head who was a better wife than me who just didn’t exist. I think if I’d come out of her womb, I would’ve been able to handle her because I would’ve thought you know what the hell there’s no way in heck that this woman’s not my mom and I love her to pieces and I guess I’m just not as prettier or I’m prettier in a different way and I’m just gonna have to be awkwardly amazing but that’s not what happens in this world. What happens is that I marry the sun I’m never in her womb and she’s threatening to me and it feels scary and I’m not a good person which is why Constantine thought OK fine. You can take my son and that’ll be the end of our relationship forever with my son as well but my husband really likes Lacey OK he really wants her to possibly be his mom after all and then that’s the problem because then I’m obviously her daughter-in-law and try being roommates with your with your step mother-in-law who absolutely adores you and is in your business but not really I mean it was amazing. She was the best friend I’ve ever had but it’s like that was just my mom so what does that even matter? It’s just my mom fronting is my best friend but it’s my stepmother so it’s a little more convincing, but it’s like hi mom every morning you’re my best friend and you’re my age and we’re not even related OK yeah that’s not just my mom that I’m going to dinner with every night because I’m awkward and shy. No one wants to be my friend. I’m not just going shopping with my mom. No this one’s my best friend. Yes I know it’s weird because it seems like we don’t have a normal relationship. She’s always right . She’s protecting me from everybody and yet there’s nothing between us. It kind of seems like maybe she’s just my mom from a previous life or something no I’m a Christian. I promise
Yeah, yeah and then no it’s like OK. Who are you? Really dating Lacey who you really dating Becca I think there’s someone better for you and there was I’ve married a really amazing man. I really have and part of it is because of her saying no that fool is not good enough for you. He’s drinking too much. She was right. I well off I’m stable. I have a great husband-
I have a masters degree I am a very functional person in many ways but my secret if there’s reincarnation is that my mother was my best friend in college. She let me drink after I was of age but she made sure it was just like one or two drinks and then we walked home or we drove home safely with someone else driving of course and I got to be cool. I was I was really cool. She even hyped me up to the guys and turned me into some sort of wild woman who everyone wanted to be with, but no one could be with-
And yes, we went shopping together at outlets and then I had to say no no mom I want short hair you’re right long hair would look better in some ways but my husband actually likes my hair. OK what do you know?
It’s like are you sure? Are you sure that’s what’s right and sometimes I have to say to her in my head. Yes I’m positive this really does. This really is what works for me your ultimately right you’re ultimately right but this is what works for me. Mom is the short hair and I love my hair short and I get to lose weight and gain weight even if I’m anorexic yes I know she was terrified about my anorexia, but I eat well I take care of myself and if I have anorexia, she doesn’t get to control that.
This thing is she’s not my birth mother and I’ve treated her like shit so I don’t know. Maybe we’re not even mother and daughter at all but that’s my problem. If there’s reincarnation, that’s my problem that I’ve ruined that because I think she really was totally pure hearted and innocent and perfect and it’s just like I needed to just be respectful of her and just say I love our friendship but there’s this dynamic where you’re always right and I can’t handle it anymore because I just feel stupid every time I talk to you but it’s just that cause I have no idea what she would’ve even said to that
Lacey: I wouldn’t have known what to say.
Fausta: so you seriously would’ve just sat there on the phone silent!??
Lacey: well I’m not your actual mother so what am I supposed to say to you? If you were my daughter I would say you know what I don’t care. I am your mom and I would be in the right and saying that and it would just be ultimately true completely, but I’m not your mother so I would’ve just sat there silent
Fausta: I would’ve said I’m not really a good friend to you. I’ve been making fun of you behind your back for years and saying terrible things about you.
Lacey: and then I would’ve said do you want me to be your brother? What the fuck even is this?
Fausta: yes I probably do.
Lacey: *nodding*
Does that hurt you and make you mad at God that I’m not your actual mom?
Fausta: no.
Lacey: but then whose fault would that be if it’s not his fault?
Fausta: mine.
Lacey: are you sure it could be a little more complicated than that?
Fausta: then there’s something I need to tell you I actually did find black men attractive. It’s just racism as a thing and I didn’t want people attacking me.
Lacey: yeah OK well my guess is that somehow this all works out and that you’re kind of making something out of nothing.
Fausta: I don’t think I can be your daughter. I think I destroyed that.
But I think that I do need to grow up and realize that I was making something out of nothing. There’s no beef between us. It’s just stupid.
Lacey: ultimately in the end, yes not because you take all my stuff or become me but because you’re you.
Fausta: *shudders*
Lacey: OK but Lacey what if I caused the holocaust? If there’s reincarnation, what if I personally caused the holocaust with JFK?
Lacey: you’re still you Jesus isn’t just you know a joke, sweetie it’s real so you would be capable of being redeemed. You’d still have to be yourself. That’s why you don’t do stupid shit or make up beefs that don’t exist.
Fausta: I have a very hard time accepting that I attacked you and then it actually mattered and meant something that it was real. I have a very hard time accepting that.
The CIA: perfectly honest I almost feel like Messiah itself committed a felony when she was there and that they owe her a refund for like two or $300,000.
Chris: They do.
I had a problem with the community covenant for that reason. Your bordering on felony by forcing your students to do that. 
It’s a school not a church.
The CIA: you actually owe Lacey around $3 million. but I mean the whole thing is so egregious that we don’t even know where to begin.
Messiah College: *attacks Lacey*
The CIA: Yeah, she can’t do anything to save you guys.
Fausta: there were like dozens of kids that used to bully her behind her back, and there was nothing that said to her face that was respectful, and it was an ongoing problem. Because people were very passive aggressive, and there was nothing wrong with her and we couldn’t handle it.
A professor there: she should’ve been at a better school and I’m beginning to realize that is a flaw in the American education system. Is there any way that that would’ve happened at Oxford at all like anyway?
Oxford: None.
Dr. Moritz: at least he’s an actual super genius. I don’t think anyone at that school was as smart as her cause it’s extremely rare and no western culture has never accounted for someone like her.
It’s funny how the school is named Messiah College did you guys take yourselves a little too seriously?
A reader: it’s Messiah university now I have a feeling they take themselves even more seriously than they did before.
A reader: OK that’s a really weird name. Do you guys still have your sanity or not?
Messiah: we don’t believe in the end times where people who believe there is no end times and we believe that we are the Messiah not like the Messiah, but we believe that we essentially are the Messiah in the world which is why we call ourselves Messiah college because that’s what we’re doing. We’re a bunch of Amish people who invented a college and then believed that we were bringing Christ to the whole world.
The CIA: you know that’s actually borderline psychotic because you’re you’re saying that you are the Messiah and then you say oh no I’m not. I’m symbolically the Messiah but where do you separate the two theologically? Where do you actually separate the two?
Satan: I sent her there. I suggested it to Pearl Grossman messianic Jew. And she told Lacey. In high school.
Eldon Fry: OK we don’t separate enough. But I can’t believe we’re actually insane?
The CIA:
Actually, you guys are even if you’re otherwise same people your approach to learning is insane. that’s not a disparage education people received necessarily but we’re dealing with a horrible crisis right now and you’re gonna have to grow up. Your school is bat shit fucking crazy.
Putin: you didn’t notice that she would walk into class looking incredibly well, dressed and smelling of perfume after being gone for a month?
Casi: Which perfume?
Putin: Marc Jacobs Marc Jacobs. The one that’s discontinued.
Messiah: but that’s none of our business.
Putin: you’re absolutely right, except you should have noticed as reasonable adults that that was peculiar.
Messiah: Chris, why didn’t you just explain to us while you were there the whole picture cause I think you knew I don’t think she told you I think you intuited it being as smart as you are. I think you figure that out why didn’t you just tell us that we were committing a felony by trying to get her in trouble for drinking alcohol when she was 24 years old?
Chris: part of it is that I am not as smart as her, and I couldn’t figure the whole picture out. I had part of it. The rest of it is that I didn’t want to be that nice to her because I was mad at her first of all, I’m kind of competitive and narcissistic, and I was attacking her and then part of it is that I wanted to date, Laura, and instead of being an adult and realizing that was my choice, I was mad at her.
Messiah: OK so she did absolutely nothing and you had the ability to explain more. What could you have told us if you weren’t an ego test blaming her for your marital problems?
Chris: I could have told you that she was probably taking advantage of that night and that I felt uncomfortable myself and that we needed a lawyer before we talked to any of you.
Messiah: and then we would’ve realized that you were calling our bluff and instead of beating her and treating her like she was a worthless piece of shit, tempting her to kill herself leading to the death of death of Saoirse… we would have had to accept that we’re just a school not the most important powerful thing to ever exist in America.
Chris: OK you know what’s really sad though is that you asked me to be the adult I was in my early 20s and I was still learning if you want me to be the adult adults then I don’t sign your community covenant at all and I just kill all of you I mean you’re not living in reality. You can’t expect a 27-year-old young adult who’s just leaving their family in 2006 to be able to defend themselves legally and psychologically like a 40-year-old adult that’s not how American society was organized and I’m not responsible for that and neither is Lacey but as the organization that has the power of the older adult, you were supposed to accept that responsibility and be mature about it and handle it as a Christian organization or you’re completely full of shit and you’re just a bunch of morons from nowhere who decided that you were God.
Messiah: is this about the John Robert scandal?
Skull & Bones: oh precious, nice try.
Chris: you need to set what I just said you screwed up not me. I did screw up but not the way that you did.
Messiah: OK fine if you want to know the truth, yes we did notice that she walked around, looking sexy as heck smelling like a very sophisticated grown woman, and it was extremely threatening to certain women there who were in their 40s, and 30’s.
Chris: were there a lot of men in the school were older who had a crush on her?
Messiah: we could we could we could tell, but we didn’t talk about it
Chris: OK and your response was to just assume that she was hanging around Messiah or that there was some boyfriend or what you just decided to just ignore her?
Messiah: yeah because it just seemed like it made sense I mean it’s like she’s just walking fast sometimes barefoot maybe she’s Becca‘s secret girlfriend Becca was emo. They spent a lot of time together and they always seem to be incredibly happy and I just thought maybe that’s just them being friends.
Chris: OK and back then looking at their relationship we assumed that they were probably figuring some mystical thing out because we over romanticized everything as millennials to avoid pain so I think we thought that they were figuring something out and we weren’t completely wrong. That was actually some wisdom, but then we also thought that they might secretly be dating
Now, if I were to look back at them now, I would think there’s no way those two are dating. That makes absolutely no sense. And I’ll be thinking OK now why are they always together and why does Lacey wear cashmere sweaters a long bob and like perfect like old lady clothes but it’s not like funny daddy. It’s like the mom and her 40s who’s like sophisticated and everyone has a crush on in their 20s or something I don’t know OK but that’s that’s not normal. I don’t I don’t understand why she was that woman in her 20s and then Becca was always around her listening to crazy music and chewing bubblegum with glaringly poignant, purple eyeshadow I mean Becca went crazy with the eyeshadow
She did Becca a word exorbitant amount of makeup. It was caked on her and then Lacey never wore hardly any makeup at all and it was just always so sublime looking and it’s like that’s not a couple that’s like a mother and daughter. Except it didn’t even seem like it was reverse. It seemed like they were actually a mother and daughter and I don’t know where the husband is. He’s dead or something and then Becca is like big Lacey’s petite and then I start thinking what the hell this woman married a large man gave birth to Becca and they’re the same age?
*he thinks*
No, Because Becca‘s bone structure is wrong. Becca has a larger face kind of like Fausa Lacey is more petite probably like Scotia so I can’t really be her birth daughter.
And then I would think OK this is getting creepy. There’s something going on.
And then I would start analyzing the situation, but you guys didn’t do any of that you never you never watched her and began to wonder where she was going. You just thought she was always asleep in her room?
Messiah: we don’t watch our students, Chris
Chris: and that’s the right thing to do obviously but why were you so sure that she was in her room the whole time you can go and be gone for at least 24 hours all she has to do is just tell Becca she’s studying and to leave her alone and then she could be indefinitely gone for days potentially maybe two days at most and then Becca might get slightly concerned, but I have a feeling that Becca would’ve let her just rot for a day or two and a study room why would you assume that she wasn’t just hiding out in a study room somewhere dying? Why would you assume that she’s not actually in Washington DC pretending to be in a study room?
Why would you assume that if Becca’s gone and she does this for a whole week that she’s even in America? She could’ve easily been in Russia for four days and no one would’ve even noticed that she was gone.
Messiah: I didn’t think that anyone would be doing that
Chris: OK that actually is a pretty safe assumption, but it’s not really a completely safe assumption
Were there any other operatives at our school or was she the only one?
Ryan Renee Billings: there was a guy at your school who may have been related to Lem. We weren’t sure, and so there were some people who appeared at your school who looks like him who were trying to figure out what was going on. They were working for Russia
Because they’ve known for a while that Horton is the one pictured with JFK and not Lem.
One of her friends in high school married Horton and Dr. Seuss wrote a book about it. A man who abused his wife.
It’s possible that Casi is related to Paul red Faye. or that somebody else is.
In the perfume community.
And instead of dealing with the reality that they’re not nearly as important as her they took that very seriously and thought they were more elite than she was because they’re completely idiotic.
That’s obviously not you being better than her It’s you actually being kind of middle class and her not being middle class actually.
OK, so no there were Russian operatives that haunted your school who pretended to be related to Ryan and he never found out about them. We completely got away with it. They would be there at random times, but nobody ever was at the school as a student other than her.
Messiah: Chris nobody else was at the school other than her. Can you believe that how likely does that seem?
Chris: not likely!
The CIA: yeah that’s sick
The family that raised her, set her up to be treated this way by people.
And there’s nothing about it that does anything other than just take a giant shit on the entire world
So yeah, Chris she was the only one there and they apparently didn’t realize that she was gone for weeks. Did she ever tell you anything about him?
Chris: she said she had been molested. And I’m sure she was other than that. I can’t think of anything else that she ever said.
Lacey: he did not molest me, Putin. Putin did not molest me. I never told you and you never asked.
Chris: I asked if you had dated anyone.
Lacey: and I told you that I had.
Chris: oh that’s right you said that there was some guy who had a long distance relationship with and there was some guy who you’d met on a train and I didn’t ask any more questions.
Messiah: Chris, you didn’t ask any more questions about either of those two people?
Chris: no no I didn’t. I didn’t care. I just thought whatever I don’t know who these people are. I’m just in this for my own reasons. I’m not trying to really get to know this person in that kind of a way yeah at least because she has to prove herself to me because I’m obviously the more important better catch between the two of us. I mean she was better looking smarter kinder and possibly smarter, but I mean I was the one graduating with honors and I was the dude so fuck that I was the better one obviously everyone thought so and so no I didn’t give a shit about her. I thought she was there of a joke compared to me
Messiah: yeah and we wholeheartedly supported you on that wholly supported you.
But looking back at it, even though we just thought that her sophistication was a joke considering she came from Minnesota and her father was abusive, and her family wasn’t paying for her education outright… and she wasn’t in style the right way… we probably should’ve taken her humanity a little more seriously but it’s just like a sausage factory cause there are so many students and we’re only so smart and we only have so many hours in a day so you got a tournament roll them out and do your job kind of like a factory
And I guess we just took some shortcuts
Chris: yeah I guess I took some shortcuts too. Did anyone really ever ask where she was? Did anyone really talk to her that much?
Messiah: no we just thought that it was cool
Chris: how do we ever had a presidential debate at our school before?
Messiah: no I doubt it I doubt it
Chris: wasn’t there a presidential advisor who told an entire group of people that she was giving very good advice about Israel?
Messiah: yeah there was there was a presidential advisor, former advisor to George Bush, who was at the school while she was there. She raised her hand and asked a question about how a topic he brought up was affecting Israel and Israeli policy, and he told her that that was an incredibly shrewd question as though it was incredibly shrewd, and it was significant that she had come up with something that unusually prescient and useful.
Chris: and then I’m sure he was totally unaware, and he probably treated her like she was an idiot when she went up to him afterwards and talk to him and asked him for career advice?
Messiah: Yes.
Chris: this all just went over everyone’s head your pattern and recognition of how weird this all was or did you explain it away by thinking that you were the reason or something else was the reason that made you feel good about yourself?
Messiah: she just seemed totally inconsequential, possibly rich, possibly very alluring obviously potentially smart potentially maybe maybe not maybe nothing but we just thought no big deal who gives a shit
Chris: OK so where this is all leading is that she was working for the CIA did she ever tell anyone at the school that her family had oil?
Messiah: yes she did and then we thought she was in love with Mickey and nothing ever happened between those two and we let ourselves believe that because they made us feel better about her beauty. Her beauty was very threatening, and so thinking of her as a lesbian made us feel like we could get off at night with her husbands without it being a lie.
They were thinking about her some of those men, and I prefer to think of her as an ugly, stupid lesbian rather than think that my husband found her more attractive than me
Maggie was very useful because she’s a conceited bitch with a former drug addiction and her whole family is like that they’re very middle class but they take themselves extraordinarily seriously they’re nowhere near powerful as her family or a lot of other families but they think that they’re gods amongst men
So we just laughed at her behind her back, believes that she was possibly a lesbian because they made us feel prettier and that’s about it Chris
Chris: except you knew she wasn’t a lesbian and you knew she was suicidal and you knew she had oil in her family so why did you choose not to care?
Messiah: because it was too complicated and we just assumed that it would all work out for us. Who gives a shit about her?
Putin: *smiles and nods*
And then this is where the illuminati needs to stop because you assumed just now I caught you that I did that to them. You just made the assumption that I made the school just to take over Ukraine you did you just made the assumption in your head that I invented Messiah College just to attack the US.
The Illuminati: you’re right our heads did go there.
Putin: yeah yeah you’ve been doing that for the last 10 years, which is how we ended up on a reality show because you keep making these wild assumptions and then we just go full speed ahead. No, I did not invent Messiah College to get you in trouble with me.
Messiah: you really wanna believe that?
The Illuminati: you know we do because we’re pretty sure that Shostakovich was used in eyes wide shot as a reference to him. And we’re still trying to fathom Pat what Stanley Kubrick was trying to even tell us it’s hard to keep everything straight.
Messiah: yeah it is hard to fathom Pat Wilson why she would give absolutely no crap about the US?
The Illuminati: see I can I can get that, but that’s hard for Bobby to understand and other Kennedys. They have a very hard time accepting that that woman was that selfish.
Messiah: why did you get so personal with Lacey? Why did you make it so why did you personally attack her? Why didn’t you just bomb a train that she was on when she was on her way to Russia or take her family out at a café in London, why did you choose to personally attack her if you personally couldn’t handle the truth?
The Illuminati: I think we made a mistake.
Messiah: *nods*
God: Yes.
Messiah: did her counselor ever ask questions about where she was?
The Illuminati: no OK you know I think I think she did once but it was a very vague question and Lacey gave a responsive yeah I mean I’ve been in my room most of the time or something like that or she lied, but I don’t think it was more than once it wasn’t more than once and I’m not sure it was even really a direct enough question.
The CIA: which by the way is completely fine because she wasn’t doing anything bad she was actually protecting the US. She was actually protecting her family. There’s nothing like there’s no there’s no gotcha moment because she was actually doing her job. OK I think where she feels bad is that she wasn’t married to him I think that’s where she starts to feel guilty and they know what did I actually do wrong but other than that, she did nothing wrong at all.
Her former neighbor: you guys. I’m I’m confused. I always feel like there’s some terrible evil thing that that you’re implying that she did that’s in your tone. She captures it perfectly, and I made the mistake of thinking that she was too stupid to realize that which is really kind of stupid on my parts but now I’m trying to figure out why I’m trying to figure out why you think her having sex as an adult is so profoundly evil when it was consensual I don’t think it was more than just her and Vladimir Putin I don’t think that either of them were not consenting. I am confused about where the immorality is. Where is this gas thing that she did is it just premarital sex are you literally trying to get us all to attack her just for premarital sex with Vladimir Putin?
The Illuminati: yes Chris told us that he sensed profound evil, and he has since admitted that that is probably what it is that’s part of how we may have figured out that he was once a Jew. If there’s reincarnation because he seemed incredibly morally offended by her promiscuity, except it wasn’t actually promiscuity, but he thought that it was and I’m not even sure if she slept with him, but that is actually what it is that we’re accusing her of.
One of Lacey’s former neighbors: so you’re you’re worried about sharia law. What is this?
The Illuminati: it’s that OK truth be told this is how she figured out that we were new money. Some of us grew up really genuinely believing that sex before marriage was like one of the worst things you could possibly do and I got in our heads and we still believe it, and we just looked the other way yes, we eat babies we caused genocides, but it started with the gateway evil of sex before marriage for a lot of us.
Chris: are we being serious that that is part of the culture with the sexual sexual revolution? I don’t think Lacey really relates to that. I don’t think Putin relates to that. Those two are an entirely different way of thinking, but you believe that they’re both gambling criminal losers because they slept with each other without being married?
Listen to “Nothin’” by N. O. R. E..
The Illuminati: yes.
Putin: she’s the beat not the woman that they’re describing and he’s the mastermind. You guys don’t see that do you?
Satan: it was very cerebral and elegant.
He did not have sex with her. He decided that that was inappropriate. He didn’t want to ruin that for her husband because she had waited, but they were in contact with each other in a very sexual way, and neither of them is secretly homosexual and he’s a man and she’s a woman.
No, the question is was Lem gay? Because that’s where peoples minds are at this moment they don’t wanna think about Lacey and Putin having sex or almost having sex. That’s just not interesting to these people so so this is why you left Egypt cause it actually was good for you to leave.
You have a disturbing lack of curiosity about what happened.
And now everyone does.
Which is why she could never just get to the point with most of her writing because you don’t wanna know.
She keeps trying to get to the point and you keep stalling, Bobby, and you have supporters.
She’s trying to be helpful, but you don’t wanna know.
So I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do to help you because you don’t even wanna know.
We can tell you everything that happened, but that you don’t wanna know?
Matt: they killed me because I was starting to get too close to the truth. and it’s not her fault. She tried to stay away from me. She tried to keep things as chill as possible, but it just kept bothering me. A lot of things kept bothering me…
Satan: we can’t live in a world where parents believe that the evil is you trying to eat their babies because that’s more than just evil and a normal way and there is real evil in the world you’re destroying the world.
Chris: OK, but I feel redeemed from my original sin of sleeping with my wife before marriage.
Satan: because you found a greater evil?
Chris: I did a bad bad thing by sleeping with my wife before I was married to her, Satan.
Satan: yeah OK and now children are literally going insane when they’re in the world almost because you’ve sexualize and non-sexual human because you’re too narcissistic to function. So it’s gonna happen now is possibly nuclear war if I can figure out how.
The Illuminati: I think someone does care about her sex life and we needed to keep going.
Satan: GOOD.
Listen to “Hypnotize” by The Notorious B. I. G..
The Illuminati: OK so what happened with her and Putin?
Satan: she took the train out of Harrisburg into Washington DC. She took a taxi from college to the train station. and then out of Dulles she actually flew to Russia. And then out of Dallas, she flew to Russia and then when she was in Moscow, she was met at the airport by Putin‘s henchmen.
Colin Powell arranged the entire thing. She was friends with him vaguely because they thought alike.
He told her not to compromise her morals, but that she should try to get as close to him as she could get and make it as personal as possible without being a hazard to herself or anyone else.
And she did that she knew exactly what she was doing. I don’t know. It just doesn’t really seem to affect her psychologically probably because she’s old money.
I mean, her family has told her stories since she was little about night authors like it’s no big deal and people flying to the Olympics like it’s no big deal people flying to Germany to skiing for a month like it’s embarrassing so the thought of going to meet Putin seems kind of highfalutin and a little intimidating, but it’s actually when she’s just being herself more like going to a sort of job interview instead of would it actually would be to most people.
And it’s not it was not a job interview, but that was genuinely the way that I’m saying that that was the level of stress that she was under given her background. Which is why they have approached the actual old money to do stuff like this for a while because they have that response, which is perfect
so so no she was at the airport in Moscow about three men about there and said hey we’re here from you know the government you were told that you’d let us know how was your flight are you OK and have a lovely conversation and she knew that she was really going there basically to talk with him because she was pretty but it’s not like she was a spot or a prostitute. Lacey is a hell of a lot smarter than that and so was Colin Powell.
Yes, they did kill him during Covid so that no one would ever find out.
I’m not sure who did it? No, I do and I still do.
And no, it was not the British.
No, she went there thinking I am beautiful. I know exactly what this is about because it’s not really about me sleeping with him and it wasn’t. It wasn’t like she was going there to have sex. It was that she was going there-
Ken: what exactly was the point of her going there then?
Satan: OK well I can explain it if you don’t interrupt.
Ken: OK?
Satan: so basically the idea is that she couldn’t really say no because she’s just one person I mean is she going to fight the entire illuminati with her family with guns? No. Is she gonna fight the entire US government with just her family and a bunch of guns? No.
So what she’s going to do is be smart and be a woman and think on her feet and that’s exactly what she did. She just thought OK no worries this wrong because I do find him attractive she does. She actually finds Vladimir Putin sexually attractive a lot of women do and so she was in her early 20s and she thought he’s hot. He’s an incredibly attractive man and I actually think she probably thought nothing was going to happen and she was somewhat suicidal show so she thought worst case scenario I’ll just end up dead , but that’s not likely really. That’s not likely I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s Vladimir Putin and I’m just some random woman so I’m not sure what is going to even happen. I mean I am very attractive so who knows but it’s probably just gonna be a stupid conversation we will end up talking about Russian history or something. Maybe we’ll talk about Dostoevsky and discuss discuss the Russian ballet. Maybe we’ll discuss Tchaikovsky. Maybe we’ll discuss the Russian revolution. Maybe we’ll discuss Lennon and Yeltsin because yes, she’s fully capable of talking about those things with the drop of a hat, actually quite passionately.
Sincerely and so I think she thought no this is gonna be stupid, but I’ll do my best to be entertaining. I guess to this person and the idea was that it’s like these men were thinking she was so attractive because she actually really is believe it or not far more attractive in person and so as a woman, obviously entirely as a straight woman, cis gender, straight woman. And so it’s like well I guess I’m just gonna have to go and see what happens so she showed up with her Mark Jacobs and her black turtleneck with her boobs that she didn’t realize we’re good boobs and her cute jeans and her perfect frame cause she was skinnier back then with her little ballet flats and yeah, she looked basically perfect. Her skin was pretty clear at that point. She was starting to use better, skin care products and she was on an antibiotic for her skin low level antibiotic.
And she dyed her hair and bleached it back-and-forth.
No, she’s incredibly beautiful but no I mean Nas blush really good skin care. I mean she really is. I’m usually beautiful and she was just show up smelling amazing looking fantastic and it was actually twice that she went and on both occasions nothing premarital actually well it depends on how you look at it, but not much really happened that most millennials weren’t doing and it was not actual sex technically.
He really didn’t want to ruin that for her. No, he didn’t think it was silly because he thought that she really was trying and he shouldn’t ruin it.
so they she went to see him they talked. I’m sure he actually had her staying at his house. He has a very large house and I don’t think he would’ve had to even see her because it’s so large. But no, she was there for about two days once and a day the other time. And and that that’s just mean that’s what happened she was in the house. I’m sure she had her own room and it was temporary and sort of ironic.
Because she actually was sexually involved with him she wasn’t just his best friend ever.
Cleaning his diaper and kissing his ass so he could look good in the picture.
I don’t know why you guys think I was fucking Jack every time he took care of him there were times Jack literally took a shit all over the place and it’s not because he had just been fucked. He became unable to control his own balls at times, and Jack literally forced Lem to clean his poo and on many occasions limb vomited from the smell. 
Anyway, Lacey was at Putin‘s house for a day and two days is one other time and on both occasions they just talked she had tea they had dinner and lunch and breakfast and Right now Bobby is trying to kill her because he’s so pissed off
And now Caroline’s trying to do it.
Did you guys poison her kids Halloween candy?
Caroline: *farts*
That’s my response to you, Satan.
Bobby: *laughs*
Satan: let’s just make a whole new post about what happened.
