(For entertainment purposes only)
Bobby: Okay.
So Diddy and Biggie were having sex. And they’re bisexual.
And…Lem was not. That’s hard to handle. Because then I question if Vladimir Putin is even my friend at all.
*he looks sad*
*later*
Bobby: You wanna crack my code?
Listen to The Ten Crack Commandments (instrumental) by The Notorious B. I. G..
Chris: *laughing and smiling*
You know they do.
DAMN!
*Chris and Bobby laugh together*
Mark plays Led Zeppelin in his Audi. He’s a good mood today.
Lacey finishes a whole bottle of S. Pellegrino.
Listen to “Where It’s At” by Beck.
A female hater: I’m a lesbian.
She’s so stupid.
A female perfume collector en league with this hater: I’m fucked.
I actually like men.
The song ends.
A female perfume collector en league with this hater: I actually want Bobby to fuck me.
I’m going to siphon off his Illuminati powers. I think I can do it.
*later*
A perfume collector: What are you putting on your lips Lacey? Eww!!! *she’s trying to psychically see her*
You’re driving in an Audi. Yuck. And wearing what on your lips? It’s like… sand? And shit?
*she sincerely laughs at Lacey, feeling morally superior at the same time, for whatever reason*
Lacey: Ole Henriksen, Pout Preserve Sugar Melt Lip Scrhv. Strawberry Sorbet.
A perfume collector: No. It’s sand. *she says, very sincerely, deeply morally offended*
Lacey:
A perfume collector: Okay. Huh.
Probably a shitty product.
If I decide to buy it now, it’s because I’m going to go test it. At Sephora. And with my actual superiority… I’ll buy it. And I’ll be the REAL one making it popular. Not your shady ugly ass.
My pussy kicks ass. Not yours. I am… better than you.
Mmkay? YOU STUPID BITCH. *she yells at Lacey*
Bobby: Hey!
I like you.
*he says to this woman*
The perfume collector: *smiles and sincerely nods*
Not surprised.
No. It’s not By The Fireplace.
And by the way, I too have a nose like Peggy Flanagan. By I’m snatched.
Bobby: Cool.
Listen to “Ramshackle” by Beck.
The perfume collector: It’s by Elizabeth Arden. Red Door.
I found it through Lacey. But we all know about her.
Bobby: Yup.
The perfume collector: I’m an American. As you know.
White.
188 pounds. Kinda curvy.
32.
Blond.
Bobby: I’m…intrigued.
A male reader: How tall?
This perfume collector: Five feet… 8 inches. And actually, it’s 192. But, I’m also five feet tall. Eight inches.
I’m five eight.
Bobby: Hot.
A male reader: He’s an inch taller than you.
Bobby: Well. That’s better anyway. Isn’t it?
Tall men? Sounds pedophilic.
God: No. It’s not.
Bobby: Well.
I like being the same height as my women anyway. It’s sexy.
A female perfume collector en league with the hater: Ha!
Okay. *she says, slyly*
*she winks at him*
Bobby: Hold on. I gotta get me pills. *he says with a laugh*
*Lacey eats a scone and a hater in the perfume community struggles with Lacey’s social superiority, yet again. This time trying to steal her soul using Bobby.*
Alison: I would think that’s completely impossible.
God: It is. But lately people have become psychotically obsessed with the idea.
*later*
Suddenly feeling poor, because they realize Lacey looks basically identical to Scotia:
They turn to Bobby.
Listen to “Disarm” by Smashing Pumpkins.
Elon Musk: *tries not to laugh, in public*
Satan: They’re bonding.
A woman reading this blog: Chris. Two things. One, my lack of money isn’t funny. I’m not understanding why Lacey finds it hilarious.
And two, why are we idolizing this woman:
She’s a rare beauty. Sure.
But…the West is racist. And she’s not Black. For sure. But…she has German brown eyes.
*she laughs*
I’m just being honest. This isn’t A Thing. We don’t do this.
I mean, maybe we should. There are many hot German women. For real! But… this isn’t a thing.
Chris: Whatever.
*he laughs and smiles*
Elliott Roosevelt… likes her.
This woman: YES! So true, dude. But… it’s not a thing.
*she shrugs*
It’s just not a thing.
Chris: I’m not confused.
Okay?
I know… what I know.
Jim: But you can’t change colors. You have to deal with the color that’s actually there.
Chris: Not according to Harvard philosophy professors. Ha!
Not according to Harvard… philosophy… PROFESSORS.
Ha!
Suck up that shit, boy.
Listen to “1979” by Smashing Pumpkins.
Casi: Yeah. I can be her.
She’s not real.
I’m Illuminated too.
A Iran War Propagandist: *laugh*
These are my PEEPS!
I too… see your point.
*he laughs*
You can’t accept what’s right in front of you. You just can’t, man!
Jim: Are you serious!?!
An Iran War Propagandist: Yes!
You feel it too.
You have to… create what you want. Otherwise you start to feel stupid. And dumb. And weak.
And I refuse to fall for that.
Casi: AMEN!!!!
AMEN!!!
Thank you, Jesus.
A witch: So you’re obliterating other people? And yourselves.
These “Illuminated” people: Yes.
And no.
Bobby: It’s like this. It’s a “moment thing”.
You do what I say. Or else.
An American Facist in 2026: *nods*
Bobby: But you don’t have to worry. Because it’s all gonna be fun.
Chris: Yes.
Yes.
Lady Thynne isn’t more attractive than my wife.
You must be logged in to post a comment.