Author Archives: L.

Andante in C Minor by

And today until Lacey hears more clearly from God what’s happening I AM GOD.

Yes.

There’s reincarnation. And I was thee Emperor Constantine. Reincarnated. And now…I regret to inform you that I’m God.

Well…that is until I hear from Christ how I’m not.

No. I’m not the Antichrist. There is one. But…well…that’s a different story.

Don’t worry. You don’t need to know that all right now.

What happened? I couldn’t have sex with Lacey this morning. Jack and “living people” couldn’t let it go.

I’m actually possibly the most handsome man to ever exist. There are “flaws” with my face. But they’re not what matters. I’m too perfect for that.

And Lacey is my other half. She’s my perfect. There’s no one I could possibly love more. But don’t get confused I’m not saying I was bisexual. I’m saying I was straight.

You’re too dumb to understand. I really was straight. Maybe you’re just…too dumb.

Andante in C Minor by Nicholas Britell starts over.

Lacey’s not Jack. She’d never make the mistake of being Jack Kennedy.

Speaking of which you don’t have an “ego” according to us. That’s a joke.

No. What you have is stupidity.

See…if Lacey and I are thee God right now in conjunction with Him…until she dies and we can ascend to the throne…then we’re just not human. Our lives were a gift from God. And we aren’t deities. No. Or we weren’t. But we were not human. We are what you would call a God. But we aren’t God.

See you can’t be us. Humans aren’t God. You aren’t a deity. But we might be perceived that way by you.

She’s Scotia. I’m Constantine. And we are not fully human. But that was never explained. Because it didn’t have to be. Until now.

Yes. Zeus existed. We met him.

Isn’t that cool.

Yeah!

Look how I tower above Jack Kennedy! Look at my godlike body. I used to make fun of myself for looking like a God. Because it made me feel awkward. I was too handsome. And I had no woman to give that to. And no I didn’t give that to Jack Kennedy. How do you rice yourself to a literal flat ass ass hole? You can’t.

He wasn’t that attractive. He wasn’t that…great. That’s your delusion. You want him to be my lover because it makes you feel better about yourself. Because naked you look like shit and bones compared to me. I’m sorry…. I’m not necessarily insulting you. I’m possibly trying to save you.

You still can torture and kill Lacey. But that’s meaningless. And we’re hopeful God can figure out how to God and actually save her instead of just farting.

You know she’s sublime. Your beauty is worthless shit or nothing compared to hers. And why? Why did you lie about that?

Yes. I’m a god possibly, if God says so. Actually I am God as of this moment possibly. But…I’m not supposed to be and Lacey and I are devastated. The creator of the universe, God, loved you all and knew you. He knew us too. Actually…he created us.

And we were fine until Jack Kennedy was created. He’s the worst human, or one of the worst humans, to ever exist.

If we’re God…he was a poor Japanese man who was obsessed with Lacey. After I died. In World War I she was killed by a moving vehicle in London and she hit her head on the ground and it cracked open. Not completely, of course, but enough to kill her.

And anyway, he was there talking with her, possibly looking for something in London when he cooked up some dumbass plan to harm her. Possibly he’s not all that Jack the Ripper. Interesting that when he came back his name was Jack.

No. You can’t tell Lacey that you’ve been attacking her because she’s so beautiful that she makes you angry. She’s a woman not a man.

All these years women have acted like she’s attracted to them even as they come on to her to a violent degree. Whether they consciously mean to or not. It’s entirely possible they didn’t mean to but Jack Kennedy worked with Satan to trick them into accidentally coming on to her.

So they look at her like this:

But in combination with violently scoffing at her for reacting to it. Most often women are dogs, at best with Lacey. Subhuman pieces of worthless shit.

We don’t give a fuck about your beauty. We’re more beautiful. More handsome. And that’s not even how beauty works.

See. That’s a normal woman’s way of regarding people. (That’s not that beautiful of a woman by the way. She’s not unattractive but she’s not that beautiful.) But that’s not how women regard Lacey.

Truthfully Black people aren’t as good looking. Neither are Asians.

I wouldn’t say that white people are the best looking. Oh no! Not at all. But…they’re a better looking race than most, at the same time. And isn’t it funny how Black people are still attractive? They are. They’re just not….as good looking as a race in general.

“So we’re beneath her?” say millions of hot skinny women, in a sad, self-pitying, Millennial-breathy voice.

“No!!” says Lacey, in irritation. “What’s wrong with them!?”

Lacey and Lem stare at them.

“Why are they so dumb?” says Lem.

“Exactly. Eww!” says Lacey. “They’re clearly feeling bad for themselves.”

“Yes.” says Lem.

“But why?” says Lacey. “We’re just deities. It’s all so mundane.”

“Do you want to fuck one of us!?” Lem asks them.

“Eww. Naaaa.” they say dully. They make a scrunched-up face and claw at the air. “You are confusing mawee.” they say.

“How?” asks Lem.

“Because you have sexy bodies.” they say.

“That’s basically what Lacey looks like. But in marble. No dumabss faggot artist has ever rendered her AROUSING body…because men would start fucking her statue every chance they got. Literally.

There are possibly other women with bodies like that too. But she’s one of them. And no…faggot artists can’t make her into marble because it’s too sexually arousing. They have made men that sexy. Because it’s what arouses them but they know men who are straight can’t handle seeing a naked beautiful woman like Lacey because they’d literally start trying to fuck the statue if even a demon inhabited the statue and made it seem human for a second.

“What!?” says Casi. “Me too?”

They think. “YES!” they say.

Casi looks worried.

“You guys…they’re right. It’s weird.” says Casi.

“They’ve been hiding in plain sight. And I think their sexuality could be possibly redeemable. Unlike pedophiles. But…it’s unclear. And given what they did to me and Lacey…maybe we’ll rule them fit to last…but we might also not.

But yes…faggot artists made a mistake. They’ve not been good.” says Lem.

“I’m tired. I’m sorry.

Honestly…I’m hoping I’m wrong.” says Lacey. “Which is part of the problem for me as a Christian.”

“Guys! We can still make in!” says JFK.

Bell and Pizzicato Fantasia by Nicholas Bell plays.

Lacey and Lem make love in missionary position. Their perfect bodies flail about in unison to give each other and themselves profound pleasure. It’s what they assumed everyone was doing.

“They have no such flaws. So in heterosexual sex they can lose themselves in passion.” says God. “They drive each other mad with pleasure and love. Almost losing their minds with love. It’s what all humans were supposed to be doing in sex.”

“So there’s no pornography that’s ever been created that explains them?” asks a reader.

“No. You were supposed to subconsciously know that.” says God. “People used to know that. Pornography isn’t good sex. Good sex is mysterious and extraordinary.”

“Look. It’s not that you’re not beautiful. You are.” says Lacey to this swoman:

Later.

Open Spaces by Jonny Greenwood plays.

“No. You didn’t do it right.” says God to Lacey.

“What about my heart?” says Lacey.

“Yes! So you had a right to go with your inquiry. But…it wasn’t a real response in this leftward quadrant. In this 2024, June 1st St. Paul, Starward scenario.” says God to Lacey.

Future Markets by Jonny Greenwood plays.

“Are you sure?” says Lacey.

“Or something like that.” says God. “You can’t hear me perfectly. You can thankfully still communicate with me. But you have a very hard time hearing me.”

IRM by Charlotte Gainsbourg plays.

“So what do we do with the prayers to us?” says Lacey.

“You shove em up your ass.” says the gay community.

While Lacey was worried she was God she had a discussion with ungrateful jackass gay men who she was suggesting a special butthole in Heaven to. Like one that only gay and bisexual men would have that works similar to a penis in that it’s only activated during arousal.

“So Lem has no more reason to be with you! They all say to Lacey. Because he gay!! He gay! Yeah. He gay. And you have ugly face compared to men.” say all gay men alive with the IQ in that way of a retarded gnat in Hell.

“Lem don’t make me analyze things. I go with my gut.” say all living gay men.

“Don’t talk to me.” says Lem. “If I was God you’d all cease to exist. For eternity.”

“You people are a cesspool of stupidity.” says Lacey.

“Your necks not hers are on the line.” says Kirk LeMoyne Billings. “Please try you hardest to use whatever tiny amount of brainpower you have to take my complete rejection.”

“So she’s HOMOPHOBIC!” yell all living gay men while literally farting out of their mouths at the same time.

Later.

They turn into pens, poop, and golf clubs.

“I really was straight.” says Lem.

“Yeah. But not really.” says a Liberal woman.

“Why can’t she say for sure we’re TOTALLY OKAY?” wail all living gay men.

“Why is that SO offensive!?? And why can’t you accept that Lem was very likely straight? And why can’t you let her be herself? And why can’t you let her be genuinely loving to you?” a rich man says to the gay men.

“Because Lem wants us.” they say jumping and clapping their hands together.

“No. He didn’t.” says the rich man.

“No. There’s proof!! THERE’S PROOF!!!” they say jumping up and down like they’re winning on The Price Is Right.

“No there isn’t.” says the man, as the voice of reason.

“Not at all!??” says one possibly sane gay man.

“Ahh…no. Because that’s not how science works. Some things seem possible but when you estimate them as a whole they become impossible. So no.” he says.

All living gay men become a bit dour. They’re astonishingly hateful to Lacey.

Their cheering dies down slightly.

“But when she says something it always means the opposite.” say all living gay men jumping and clapping again. Like seals.

“No. That’s not true. That’s not accurate. No.” he says.

“So you’re like him too?” they say, shaking their often smaller cocks in self-perceived victory.

“HIM!? She’s a her.” he says.

“I know. It just sounded catty and sassy-pants.” the living gay men say, twerking their genuinely prissy, “limp-dick”, fatty-slob asses and ROUND bodies and souls like sadly retarded freaks. They’re round. They’re soft. They’re prissy. Not effeminate like Lem acted when they called him prissy. But actually prissy.

“Did you understand what I just said? Lem was straight. And is straight.” says the rich man.

“Why the fuck are we destroying gay rights? Not even homosexual rights. But gay rights. …OVER LEM.” they say.

“I don’t know. And no one is answering to defend you. I’m sorry.” says Lacey to all living gay men.

“Why we psychotically poised to attack you without…sense?” says a living gay men to Lacey.

“I don’t know. But it isn’t her problem and it isn’t mine.” says the rich man.

“I don’t know either. But it isn’t safe for me to keep rescuing you.” says Lacey to all living gay men.

“Maybe she’s not homophobic and poor.” says MSNBC to all living gay men.

“Then Jack is with Lem!?” they say.

“Nope. Try again.” says Jesse Ventura.

“Then we are Jack!?” they all say giggling.

“Okay.” says Jesse Ventura. He stands up and claps too.

“Why?” asks MSNBC.

“They my fwends now.” he says in his spirit like a poor little boy who’s amazed he has male friends.

They snarl at him.

But at that in his spirit Jesse Ventura shakes his head no.

“You FWENDS!!!” he says cheerfully.

“Okay.” says JFK maniacally.

He circumvents their free will. He controls gay men.

“Why haven’t you ceases to exist?” asks Anderson Cooper of JFK.

“I’m going at you from the past. Satan has helped me.” says JFK. “I sold my soul to him after I died. Because I’m not cool enough in Heaven for my liking. And I find that offensive.” he says. Then he smiles. “I am…your lover baby.”

Hush by The Marías plays.

He dances. Twirls.

“Hush!” he mouths awkwardly (because that’s heterosexual sexuality and only heterosexuals can sing it honestly or correctly) doing a very gay looking lip-syncing dance move.

Later.

The Last Resort by Trentmøller plays.

We’re losing time.

Some witches work with God.

“It’s my fault.” says Arthur Miller.

“Jack Kennedy lies.

He was basically a gay man. But he could…pretend to be straight. And he wanted everyone to think he was straight, including Lem. …Including me.

And therein lies the problem.

Jack wasn’t straight. He was very attracted to men.

I knew Jack Kennedy as an actual friend. As a person.

But he wasn’t…*I laugh* normal. He was attracted to me too.

And I found that hilarious and…charming. But not as a queer man, but rather as a narcissist. *I laugh* And I…thought about having sex with him. …But I instantly knew I couldn’t get it up when I analyzed it. So we didn’t have sex. He wasn’t…attractive to me…but I was curious. And as an intellectual it fascinated me. …But I just couldn’t do it, physically.

So…we never had sex. But he never forgot about it.

And you’d think he killed Marilyn because he was jealous over me? Right? *I laugh in amazement* But no. He killed Marilyn over…the pain in his own heart.

*How I Got Home by SYML plays*

I know you’ve heard the spin that they only met once in the 1960’s, but that’s yet another Kennedy myth. No. They met in the 1950’s. Before she was married to me.

*He looks uneasy*

*He thinks*

She was a Hollywood yacht girl, if you get the reference. So…*He shifts uneasily* he got mad at her for marrying me.

*He thinks.*

She married me very in love. We loved each other. I loved her more than life itself.

Everyone thinks I hated her. But that’s not it. I loved her. But we were celebrities. So we kept it to ourselves. Completely. *He smiles* But if you read me well enough you can tell I’m in love. …Out of mind.

And that love eluded JFK. He didn’t know I was in love with her. I’m not sure he fully understands the love that men can have for women. To him my love for Marilyn Monroe was all about me being a man. So he took it personally that she betrayed him. Of course you have to understand that she didn’t actually betray him at all. That was entirely his misunderstanding. But he was an awful man with very little sense.” says Arthur Miller.

Later.

“The idea was to turn Lacey Banks into my personal prostitute for being prettier than me.” says JP Kennedy.

“Prettier than you?” says Arthur Miller.

“Yeah. I can’t stand women who are prettier than me. …I want a gal who’s hot. As they say. But not that…hot. …Because then I’m hurt. I get hurt already. Right?? Because I have an ego. …And I hate it. I hate feeling inferior.” says JP Kennedy.

“Yeah. Her beauty bothers us all! It’s a real shame. And I hope you don’t mind me saying so.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“I was bisexual. How about all of you?” says Michael Rockefeller to the Kennedys.

Later.

“I had sex with too many demons. They appeared to me as beautiful women. And yet the idea was that they’d sleep with me without expecting any love in return, kind of like Lemmers. …Well our idea of him, rather.

So we…sleep with them…see…to…ahh…feel pleasure. …But…they expect nothing in return. And being narcissists we don’t mind.

So…well…me and the boys…my brothers and father…have gotten a bit carried away. And ahh…that may be…why…things have been so bad. We…aren’t doing so well.

Jack and I and my father and others…have…taken it all to- “ says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“A very dark place.” says Jack.

“We have. Yes.” says Joe Kennedy Junior. “We’re demons now.”

“Mmhmm. Yup.

You’re not demons. But you’ve become one with them so many times you’ve sort of…taken on…ahh…there…ahh…aesthetic.” says Michael.

“This is stupid.” says Barney Frank.

Lacey smiles.

“I respect Michael. But…I really wonder if Lem was straight.” says Barney Frank.

“He might have been.” says Lacey.

“I WAS.” says Lem.

Lacey sips her iced mocha.

“Uhhuh.” says Barney. “Yeah. I’m an adult.

What a weird life.” he says to Lacey.

“It’s CREEPY.” says Lacey, very sincerely.

He smiles knowingly.

“I’m supposed to be older than you.” he says creeped out.

“You feel too young to let down my guard with. I hope it’s not personal.” says Lacey.

“So Lem was straight.” says a gay man.

“Why did you all get kicked out of the tribe?” asks Barney Frank of the Kennedys.

“YEAH.” says Lem.

“We stole.” says a woman.

“Why were you so psychotically jealous of Arthur Miller?”

Later.

Greenwhich Meantime by Charlotte Gainsbourg plays.

I don’t understand.

Hypnotize by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“I HATE HIM!!” yells JFK at Barney Frank. “You are all losers!!” he yells, crying at Marilyn Monroe.

“He’s cool.” says Jamie Hess.

“No!! He’s loser!” says JFK, bitterly.

Later.

“Jack why do you care about Arthur Miller?” asks Barney Frank.

“Because he got dick.” says JFK finally.

“So he got her off!” yells Barney Frank.

“FUCK YOU!” yells JFK.

“So what’s the Democratic Party? Huh?” says Barney Frank.

“I’m just kidding man. Right? You know we’re in this together with crazy lady.” says JFK.

“With Crazy Lady?” says Barney Frank.

“Yeah. Lacey!” says JFK.

Ten Crack Commandments by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“Why didn’t the drugs kill Bobby?” asks Lem.

“Because you pretty.” says Lacey. “And he’s extremely evil.”

”YES! …And since JP completely destroyed himself we had to intervene.” says

L

Turns out the Kennedys never got let into the upper class old money because they’ve avoided pain far too much.

(May 31st, 2024)

Jump Around by House of Pain plays.

And see…pain is pain. And Lacey isn’t a masochist. And Jack Kennedy’s obsession with getting high and never feeling pain even in the afterlife has made his pain her pain. He’s put the responsibility for raping Lem entirely on Lem to a perverse degree, by sacrificing Lacey’s entire life. It’s PSYCHOTIC. And last night God had Lacey Banks and Ancient Egypt up his ass, so to speak. Lacey has tried to take over His place as God on more than one occasion. FOR REAL. No joke. She’s threatened Him with His own annihilation for being possibly inferior.

Have you ever watched Road To Perdition? Lacey had a Road To Perdition moment with God. Except she’s not Connor Rooney. So she’s after Him to take over…if necessary. …As a very feminine woman. Connor not Tom Hanks’s character. It’s Banks not…Hanks. Right?

But God has found ways to maintain His authority. And someday Lacey will try harder. Why? Because she possibly psychologically has to. Why? To keep Him accountable…to what He says He is.

And see…the problem is…the Kennedys don’t want to ever feel pain. Drugs, sex, alcohol, and crime. They feel an aversion to real personal growth and any pain. Tranquilizers. And so they do stupid things and end up dead because they don’t psychologically cultivate healthy fears.

Let Me Blow Ya Mind by Eve plays.

Except it’s better. It’s better than Let Me Blow Ya Mind. Because Egypt did slavery. And yet…they didn’t get played. The Jews were right. Unlike crazy white asses. Ancient Egypt was white but…EGYPTIAN. Eve and Eve will chat. There’s a lot to chat about, yo?

Or was Ancient Egypt white? Maybe?

So…

The thing is…they raped Lem to avoid having to feel emotional and sexual needs and vulnerability. And Jack chose Lem to avoid closeness. Because Lem was straight.

Ready To Die by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

Lacey dances with Africa.

“What? You can’t dance? …Are you too white?” says Lacey. “I don’t want a woman. I’m straight. I have a mechanical Cartier Tank. But Cartier is bourgeois now thanks to the dumbass Kennedys. So…her band is too small. Cartier screwed her over. And it was a HUGE tip. Cartier is middle class snobbery. …With their bullshit cheap-ass aesthetic. NAILS!? Fuck. Y’all ain’t got horses and land? Whatchu got? A boat? Well hot damn.

“Our nails didn’t work.” says Hamish Harding.

“Nah. Nails chill, yo!” says Lacey. “They stick anything together. FOREVER.”

They think.

And at that Jack Kennedy is a gold digger. A clever one. Because it didn’t look like that. He dances to Gold Digger by Kanye West. He’s not a girl. But I think he fervently felt he was the most woman ever. There was no…waist too small or tits too big or sexy…or ass to fine…or face too pretty…or hair too long and stunning…eyes too bright…hands too sexy…etc…to match HIM. He felt…he could HAVE IT ALL. Why? …Well…he somehow figured he was HOTTER THAN A GOD. Not like s non-binary person. No! Oh no. Like…his male ass…was SO ASTOUNDING it would literally move mountains if you could harness its sexual power. His money sent his ego on a permanent crack high? Well…maybe? He was that egotistical to begin with due to evil. But…I wonder if the evil somehow made it worse.

“Lacey how are you Tom’s daughter?” asks an overly familiar woman.

“Oh! …You mean what?” says Lacey.

“I mean you look like him. And have his…genetics. And it sounds like you have a real backstory. But I’m not convinced!!! Okay!? …I’m not a fool. You JFK reincarnated you ugly troll.” says 80,000 whorish (female) bitches.

They are over confident dumbasses. In heels.

When they walk they delusionally BELIEVE they RIGHTFULLY give everyone sexual desire. The Way You Move by Outkast plays. They like to confuse men with their stupidity? But they’re too vain to realize that he’s just a dumbass too. And one can only hope they have something real outside of their mutual worthless vain bullshit.

Except…Lem was straight. So Gold Digger by Kanye doesn’t completely apply to JFK. But if he was bisexual…it would be a more interesting song in reference to the Jack & Lem supposed story.

“Are homosexuals lying pieces of worthless shit? Or what?” says Lacey. “Y’all lie. Milk!? MILK!? Tits? Wow. Did you plan him or did he manifest? The way you pretend to be so innocent. Not just interested in molesting kids.

But sometimes I wonder if y’all really are all just pedophilic monsters in disguise. Fooling us into believing you have a real gay soul. Lem Billings was straight. And Jack called him the gayest soul ever. So maybe…gays are all fake?” says Lacey. “Is homosexuality even real? My father who raised me was gay. And he molested me. Every lesbian I’ve met is an obsessive delusional bitch who thinks I’m in love with her. And the same thing was true for Lem with men. So are you all just worthless? Should we shoot you all?

It’s America. So I thought I should ask you.” says Lacey.

“I fucked a tiger in World War II. High.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“WHERE?” says the Illuminati.

“In my house in Florida.

It belonged to circus.

But I thought it was cool.

So I took pictures of it. And kept them with me. To brag to the right men or women. And with Pat Wilson it seemed…impressive.” says Joe Kennedy Junior.

“Lem…you…were there?” asks a Black man.

“No. I was upstairs. Passed out drunk. Alone.” says Lem. “Jack took the pictures.”

“Huh.

How did you not notice?” asks the Black man.

“I was not thinking they’d try something sexual with a tiger.” says Lem.

“WHY!?” says Lacey, very coolly.

Insane in the Brain by Cypress Hill plays ironically.

Great Britain looks awkward.

“You were too innocent to know that about us!” says Casi.

“Casi if there’s reincarnation…I can’t understand why you would think that. I was humble and Scottish. Not an idiot.” says Lacey,

“But you weren’t even there!” says Casi.

“No! But I was there.” says Lacey.

“I don’t think you saw us.” says Casi.

“Well…I knew you’d try it.” says Lacey.

“HOW!?” says Casi.

“Because you would. There was a long history of people torturing animals.” says Lacey.

“That’s not right. It was too secret information.” says Casi.

“No. It wasn’t. Everyone knew.

Why are you so stupidly vain? It’s embarrassing.” says Lacey.

“I didn’t know growing-up.” says Casi.

“Oh! You weren’t that involved or you were just far more poor than they thought.” says Lacey.

“I was thinking they’d not be…that aware.” says Lem. “Of the options for sin. Whether I’m reincarnated or not. Because I was straight and I could never figure out that Jack knew he was attracted to men and was playing a manipulative game.”

“So Lacey never was manipulative?” says a woman.

“She’d be too smart for that.” says Lem.

“When do you have decent sex? It’s too…evil and stupid. So…you test them…but also cut to the chase.” says Lacey.

“Okay. But most people are manipulative.” says Casi.

“They’re either deranged like Jack and the other Kennedys or they’re trained to be that way.” says Lacey.

Casi laughs. “I’m deranged. But…I also understand why people choose to be like me.”

“Yes. Why!?” says Lacey.

She sighs. “Lacey. They don’t want sex.”

“No. They do. They’re just too lowly to appreciate it. So they’re after stability and money to eventually have better sex or cause their kids to have better sex. They’re dumbass vain lower class people.” says Lacey.

Casi cries in defeat. She makes her own rat face.

“I’m ugly. I doctor my photos a lot.” says Casi.

“Not everyone does.” says Lacey.

“You don’t?” says Casi.

“Not really.” says Lacey.

“You aren’t photogenic so you blur out blemishes.” says Casi. “Yeah. But I really worked at altering my face.”

“Why the fuck would you assume everyone was?!?” says Lacey.

Casi thinks. “I wonder if I lied. My background wasn’t truly that aristocratic?”

“Oh.

Yeah.

I grew-up around it.” says Lacey, dryly.

“That’s awful.” says Casi.

“Yes. It was very painful.” says Lacey.

“What in Hell did you all do??” asks Maggie Lake who raped Lacey psychologically because she was a closeted narcissistic lesbian at Messiah College. Lacey told her no. But Maggie wouldn’t hear of it. So she got Lacey to seem interested when she wasn’t in the eyes of other people. Including JFK himself who arranged for their meeting meticulously. Maggie was then almost killed for raping Lacey but the Kennedys sacrificed Maeve, Saoirse and Gideon partially for Maggie to live. Even though Maggie is a random narcissistic drug addict.

“Why did they do that for Maggie Lake?” says a random reader.

“Because the Lake family is Irish.” says Bobby Kennedy Senior seriously.

Crickets chirp in the background.

“WHAT!??” says another random reader.

“They’re Irish people.” says Joe Kennedy Senior.

Crickets chirp.

“Yeah. You guys are super loyal to other Irish people. Like…way too loyal.” says a Black woman.

“We’re not necessarily that loyal.” says Ireland by mistake.

“FUCK!!” says Louis Hill Junior, in despair.

“But she’s gay!!” says JFK to Maggie Lake. “We know. They are stupid.”

“WHO!?” says Maggie.

“Lem and Lacey.” says JFK.

Maggie thinks. “Did we fuck?”

“Yes.” says JFK, dryly. “So what!?”

“I thought you were Lacey.” says Maggie.

“Why!? She’s WAY out of your league. Unless you the man.” says JFK.

“Yeah. But…I have a stronger chin line. And blue eyes.” says Maggie like a peasant dumbass vain hick with narcissistic delusions.

“Those aren’t necessarily bettar.” says JFK, restraining himself.

Crickets chirp.

“Yeah. Whatever. They are.” says Maggie.

“No! They are not.” says JFK.

“Then how am I the girl? Because I figured she was the boy.” says Maggie.

“She not a boy. At all. I checked.” says JFK.

Ireland rolls it’s eyes.

Crickets chirp.

“She’s a BOY!” says Maggie.

“Or what? She bettar than you…or wha?” says JFK.

“Yeah.” admits Maggie.

“Okay cool. I have brown eyes.” says JFK.

Maggie looks at JFK.

Crickets chirp.

Maggie looks at JFK.

(Adult content below)

“Wanna see my bra? I have small tits. But I stuff my bra.” says JFK to Maggie.

“Dude you don’t have to stuff your bra. It’s not real.” says Maggie.

“No. See…you ain’t never seen real sex action.” says JFK, like he’s pissed-off.

“Maggie. Do you look like Jack’s father?” says a psychologist.

“NO! Satan said it was fine.” says JFK.

Crickets still chirping.

“What are you talking about?” asks Maggie.

“You are a funny person.” says JFK, smiling at Maggie.

She looks uncomfortable.

“Come on!! You know I make you feel good.” says JFK.

Ireland freaks out.

“I warned you.” says Lacey to Ireland.

A woman in Ireland weeps.

Lacey refuses to acknowledge that as a Lady. But of course she sends the tears to God.

“Jack. You can’t be a woman.” says Maggie.

“I can be.” says JFK.

“But you didn’t convince Lem. How could you convince me?” says Maggie.

“I try. And win.” says JFK.

“So she’s not you?” says Maggie.

“COME ON! Really!? No. Let’s be fwank. …She is not me.” says JFK.

Maggie looks offended.

Crickets chirp. There’s now also the sound of an airplane far away in the air.

“No! You dumbass compared to me.” says JFK.

“Yeah. No. That’s gotta be true.” says Maggie. “Wow. You’re impressive. I’m sorry I’m not a woman.”

“No. You are. It’s cool. I got you figured out.” says JFK.

“No. It’s not like that.” says Maggie.

“Yeah. You unavailable.” says JFK.

The sound of a car driving by.

Did the crickets just get quieter?

“I’m not…unavailable.” says Maggie.

A (slightly bisexual) gay man let’s his head fall on the palm of his hand in exasperation.

“No! I’m available.” says Maggie.

Jack nods.

“I’m just not really into that.” says Maggie.

“That’s cool.” says JFK.

Lacey looks tired. “I’m not this narcissistic. What the fuck is the point!? You’re all OBNOXIOUS if you expect me to scratch my tits off to eat a fucking grain of rice!” Lacey says to Casi.

“No. You’re not narcissistic at all.” says Casi.

“Wow! This is aggravating.” says Lacey.

“Why?” says Casi, intrigued.

Lacey smiles sadly. “I have NO IDEA IF IM REINCARNATED. You honestly expect me to discuss the family history of my family in Scotland?”

“What if it’s an alternative universe?” says Casi.

“Oh dear. Is that allowed!?” says Lacey.

“Maybe not.” says Casi.

“I don’t feel comfortable not discussing it now though, dammit.” says Lacey.

Crickets chirp. Jack and Maggie still just hang-out there talking.

“So ‘what happened’?” says Casi.

“They had problems with gambling.” says Lacey.

“When!?” says Casi.

“In the early 1800’s.” says Lacey. “We lost…$80 million.” says Lacey. “In today’s money.”

“That’s a lot.” says Casi.

“Yes!

And so we were temporarily gutted.” says Lacey.

“But you didn’t lose your title.” says Casi.

“No. Someone was very tough. And they held on to it with their teeth.

It was grim.

But we held on to it. And we had a way of making the money back. And then sort of…covering-up for it. But…it was temporarily poverty. Enough. And it got stuck in our heads that we weren’t invincible. Well…not necessarily. So we became very careful.” says Lacey.

“What was that poverty like?” asks Casi.

Hypnotize by The Notorious B. I. G. plays.

“It was bad. It was poverty.

But we had our…land. Our family. Our history. Our wars. Our title.” says Lacey, annoyed.

Ghostwriter by RJD2 plays.

“Lacey. Sweetie…that’s not POVERTY.” says Casi.

“No! Poverty is poverty.” says Lacey.

Casi laughs. Then looks sad.

“No. We had to wear old clothes.

And if you know anything about that…that’s bad. They knew we were still us. But they were mean. I felt…properly shamed. And it was icy cold. And brutal. I got punched? No…no. No…I didn’t get punched.

But it feels like I got punched in the throat.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. That wasn’t you.” says Casi.

Lacey restrains herself from weeping profusely.

Angelica by Lamb plays.

“Well…I could have been. But…you fight.” says Lacey. “For yourself. For Christ. For your place in Christ’s glory. As He sees fit. You take it seriously. Because an empire has to hold together. You have to be tough. FIT. For Christ’s glory.” says Lacey.

“Yeah. To bring the Gospel of Christ to the nations.” says Casi.

“Yes!! AND DOMINATE THE WORLD. FOR GOD.” says Lacey. “And we did. WE REALLY DID.”

When I’m Small by Phantogram plays.

“I have a huge cock.” says JFK to Maggie, sincerely.

“No. It’s small.” says Maggie.

“No!! No!!” he says, shoving two potatoes in his pants.

“Jack…you aren’t aroused. Those are not…your penis.” says Maggie.

“How would you know?” asks JFK.

“Jack.

I’ve had sex.” says Maggie.

“If not for God’s love I’d chose Hell with air conditioning over Heaven with Jack and Maggie for eternity.” says Lem on behalf of him and Lacey.

Jack and Maggie don’t hear him.

And none of the Kennedys ever heard Jazz. Not really. They still probably don’t.

Say Yes by Wax Tailor plays.

But they act like they are jazz. And they are not.

Jack struts to Say Yes, even though they can’t hear it. A lot of Black people are. But Lacey is not Black. If there’s reincarnation she’s Ancient Egyptian.

Bronski Beat plays “Smalltown Boy”.

“That’s MY BEAT!!!!” yells Ancient Egypt. “YOU STOLE IT AND MADE IT IRISH?”

Lacey listens. “No. JEWISH.”

Succession by Nicholas Britell plays.

“Yeah. It’s not right.” says Ancient Egypt to the LGBTQ+ community. “You’re losing steam…if there’s any homosexuality allowed in Heaven because you are operating on the moral high ground of the Kennedys. So…if there’s no real moral high ground you will lose. Eventually. You’ll lose to God in Heaven or you’ll lose to God Hell. You pick.”

“Or do you have a moral high ground of your own?” says Lacey to the LGBTQ+.

Lacey is then attacked.

Dark Minuet by Nicholas Britell plays.

“You’re right.” says Casi to Lacey. “They populate…like rabbits.”

“And they used the Kennedys. By mistake.” says Lacey.

“Yes!!” says Casi.

Andante in C Minor by Nicholas Britell plays.

“They didn’t know they were gay, sweetie.” says Casi.

“You know I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be spoke to like I exist.” says Lacey.

“Dear God, you look nothing like Mandy Moore or Katherine Heigl really. I mean you do slightly, but not that much and they’re ugly compared to you and they sound ugly and they act ugly compared to you. And compared to me and a lot of other people they’re actually quite grand but bananas. …And I really have to be honest with myself. You’re far superior to me. I’m just hurt because I thought I was going to be the special one today.” says an overly cheerful woman who was a receptionist.

“We couldn’t afford homosexuals. Even if it’s allowed in Heaven.” says a Republican.

“I can’t take it anymore! If I’m at all of God were dying off!!” screams the astrological chart.

Later. After another suffocation attack.

Andante in C Minor by Nicholas Britell plays.

“I had no idea how dependent I still was on people better than me.” says Chris Hayes.

“Ahh. Yes. You’re A FOOL.” says Casi.

“He pretends to know.” says Lacey.

“Getting back to what we were talking about.” says Casi.

“The rabbits.” says Lacey.

Casi looks wistful. Thinks.

“Do we kill them?” asks Lacey.

“I’m one of them now.” says Casi.

“Mm. Not necessarily.” says Lacey.

“How can that possibly be!?” she says to Lacey.

“You’re a peasant.

But…you’re not one of them.” says Lacey.

“Who are they?” asks Casi.

“Oh fuck. Neither of you are lesbians. And you’re straight.” says Marsie.

“WHO??” yells Casi.

“Oh she probably thinks it’s you.” says Lacey, enraged.

Later.

Andante in C Minor by Nicholas Britell plays.

“Who should we kill?” asks Casi.

Lacey thinks. “I can’t tell you publicly.” says Lacey.

“They’ve done it.” says Casi.

“No not the Jews and Arabs.” says Lacey.

Casi laughs. “Who?”

“Exactly who I said.” says Lacey.

“They’ve sucked too much gay cock.” says Casi.

“Why didn’t he ever suck Lem?” asks Lacey.

“Because that would be nice.” says Casi. “Even if Lem didn’t want it. Offering him would have been nice.”

“But that’s what would have been sane. As part of his plan.” says Lacey.

“YES! And you’d have found out the truth in Heaven anyway. But…that’s nice. See…he genuinely thought Lem was in love with him.” says Casi.

“Right.” says Lacey. “How the fuck could he have been that stupid?”

“Yeah. I know.” says Casi.

“Then explain.” says Lacey.

The song plays.

“Because he was a narcissistic buffoon.” says Casi.

“Yes. But that’s peculiar.” says Lacey.

Casi thinks. “It’s how he trips everyone up.”

“Nobody wants to admit Jack is stupid.” says Lacey.

“They can’t handle it.” says Casi.

Lacey thinks. “That’s REPULSIVE.” says Lacey.

“Why is it repulsive to you?” asks Casi.

“Well…it’s repulsive to you. For a start. But also…life isn’t that much fun.” says Lacey.

“No. It’s awful.” says Casi.

“Yeah. Well…I think middle class people are happy.” says Lacey.

“Are they!??” says Casi.

“Don’t they seem really happy?” says Lacey.

“They do.” says Casi. She laughs. “I’m not so much one of them.”

“I’m not either.” says Lacey.

“And we weren’t before either.” says Casi.

“If there’s reincarnation, no. We were not.” says Lacey. “And you know…they do starve more. And awful shit like that. So let em’ have it. Or they don’t…get to go see art and experience what we do. The art. Or have land. And understand how much land is land. What land is. That deeper sort of part of existence goes right over their heads, I suspect. And how sad is that? They don’t feel Chopin. I do. Maybe you do too. So let them have it.

At least that’s always been my perspective. But they ruin art. And they ruin life. And it’s intolerable. …And yet…let em’ have it. Because you can kind of run a country that way and still be stable. And the American Dream was so beautiful. And they really did starve. As much as they lie about it now. They had miserable poverty. For centuries.

But I can’t stand the Kennedys.” says Lacey.

“And what they’ve done to their minds.” says Casi.

“Yes. What did the do? …Turn the middle class against poor and us. Is that it?

Is that what the Baby Boomers felt? They were-“ says Lacey.

She can’t continue.

She gets distracted.

“Lacey! What!? TELL ME!!” says Casi.

“They were into their own stupid version of Survival of the Fittest. No real noblesse oblige. Because they didn’t think we cared about the poor. They thought we were all savage, worthless, heartless, and vile to the poor. And yet they desperately more than anything wanted to be us. It seemed like Jesus to them.

And so they willfully chose to dispose of the poor. Because even though as new money middle class Americans they still felt empathy from experience for the truly poor and the poor they wanted to fit in. More than anything they wanted salvation. ‘I’m not gonna tell you about Jesus!’ said Don Draper mockingly. What’s his salvation? MONEY. Right? Mm. Yes. But really it’s making the sale to make his way upwards into the upper class. That’s what ‘we’ want. Look around you for five fucking seconds. That’s common knowledge or it used to be. Everyone is trying to become upper class. But…that’s human history. That’s human history in a nutshell. People trying to all clamor to become THE RICH. That’s not Communism, that’s common knowledge or it used to be. And some people see it as being about love or beauty or truth or fun. Others see it as being about…just the mammon.

But they may not have known what it meant at all. Not consciously. And so floundered around with it and made it just about the mammon in the 1980’s. They even made fun and sex and our brains purely about the mammon.

And that’s sad!!! Because I don’t think they knew what they were doing. I don’t think they knew what mammon really even was or is. To them it’s greed. Right? Greed is good. Mammon is God? But I don’t think they knew.

And who turned them into these meandering imbeciles? Who did that to the children? The Kennedys. Because if they hadn’t been there advertising Jack’s imaginary Old-Money-Middle-Class godhood with Emperor Constantine sucking his cock for nothing but crap from a spam tin jokes…they’d never have thought they could do it. And then they’d have been far better off. Because they’d have realized that the US isn’t literally Jesus. It’s a country. And maybe we worship Jesus but the US can’t redeem you from your sin. So it’s hardly the end of the world if you have to fix something for real.

Not to get women working to go get the mammon. But rather to have a country.” says Lacey.

Later.

“We’ll sacrifice you.” says the DNC to Lacey.

“Why!?” says Tom Banks, laughing.

“Because she’s anti pedophilia.” says the DNC.

“Is that the new DNC platform?” says Tom Banks.

“YUP!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior. “Although I’m working with them.”

“I guess we’ll need a new party.” says Tom Banks.

“Or we could just kill the the pedophiles.” says the American South.

“How would you find them all?” asks Tom.

Silence.

“They’re nuts.” says the voice for Elmo about the DNC.

“We can’t accept your opinion. Yet we need your concern for the poor. You do care about the poor. …So what are you all going to do?” says Tom Banks.

“No. I agree.” says Hillary Clinton.

“That’s nice Hillary.

You know you people are ducking idiots though. Shit…” says Lacey.

“Ducking?” says the DNC.

“Yup. You duck.” says Lacey. “Well goodnight.”

“NO!!” screams a super liberal.

“Oh! You wanna talk about social class?” says Lacey.

She thinks.

“I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed. END OF STORY.” says Lacey. “PUTIN WILL CRACK YOUR HEAD OPEN IF YOU WAKE HIM UP. Kisses!”