Author Archives: L.

A Delina Lover: No one ever told you that they were jealous of you?

Lacey: No.

A Delina Lover: You acted like you knew!

Lacey: I highly suspected it.

A Delina Lover: No one told you.

I think I didn’t know that.

BUT YOU ACTED LIKE YOU KNEW!

Dmitry: This is scaring me.

SHE DID NOT KNOW!

A Delina Lover: What else could be going on!?

Lacey: Have you ever taken abnormal psychology?

Human beings…have a capacity…to do MANY bizarre things…under the right circumstances. You’d be surprised.

I highly suspected you were mostly all jealous. But I didn’t know.

A reader: Like what!?

Lacey: *laughs*

Okay. For example, it’s not impossible that the majority of the perfume community is comprised of sophisticated psychopaths. …It seemed unlikely. But…I couldn’t rule it out.

Wearing perfume is actually potentially psychopathic, depending on your motivation. And depending on what you wear. Some perfumes are torture for most people to smell.

I mean, they’re absolutely tortured by it. Why couldn’t…a sizable number of you…be psychopathic?

I mean, not likely. But not impossible.

A psychopath could have a mental state where they’re only interested in torturing people. Like me. And they could feign jealousy. To lure me in. Make me wonder what’s going on.

Actually, the way the perfume community has acted toward me,has been VERY in line with psychopathy.

Psychopathy is vastly different than jealousy.

The Delina Lover: No. I’m not necessarily a psychopath.

I just…was very jealous.

Lacey: *nods*

Lem: Well, that’s a shame.

Lacey: *nods*

Glenn: Do you understand why we’re jealous!?

Lem: Why do you ask?

The Delina Lover: You’re nothing like Jack.

Lem: Her husband is a very nice, but difficult.

You didn’t know her before.

You don’t know us! I’m sorry.

The Delina Lover: I think he’s trying to understand what’s going on.

So you didn’t understand?

Lem: Understand what!?

Lacey’s too upset right now to talk. And she feels like she could be having a heart attack.

It’s not likely. But she can’t argue at the moment.

Glenn: I was jealous because you have money.

Lacey: *laughs*

You have money too?

Glenn: No!

Like…money.

Lem: Understood!

The Delina Lover: SHE CANNOT BE THAT COLD!

Lacey: *looks panicked*

What’s she talking about?!?

Lem: Are you all ladies? Or a bunch of violent gay men!? GOOD LORD!

Glenn: I hear you.

Lem: Okay! Then what is she talking about!?

Lacey: Isn’t Lem great!?

*she smiles*

Lem: So!?

Glenn: That cannot be serious!

Lem: The part about me!?

Glenn: Yes…

Lem: No! It’s extremely real.

I’m sorry you can’t imagine that.

What’s that woman talking about?

The Delina Lover: She seems fake to me. I don’t know…

Lem: You’re a pretentious twat! What do you know!?

Lacey: You seemed controlling.

You seemed super controlling.

I’m sorry.

Glenn: She is.

Lacey: I couldn’t be “relaxed” around her. What the hell did she expect!?

Lem: True.

Glenn: It’s not that.

It’s your voice.

Lem: Her voice? Hmm.

Explain.

The Delina Lover: It’s very shrill! Didn’t you say that once? *she laughs*

Lacey: Except it’s not.

Do I seem fake now?

The Delina Lover: No.

You seem…-

Lem: How helpful!

*he rolls his eyes*

So you all still feel sorry for yourselves?

Glenn: Yeah.

Lem: *nods*

Do you all realize that Vladimir Putin really wants to pee on Lacey’s house? That’s real.

The Delina Lover: Okay.

A perfume executive: She’s not actually that bitchy.

That woman.

She was trying to mimic you. I think. To be insulting. And seem cool to you. Or something.

Lem: HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!? WE DO NOT READ MINDS!

Moloch: I’m sorry. I have to say something. That’s is too much to ask of them.

Lem: Don’t start asking for Lacey to talk! God just warned me.

DON’T YOU DARE!

You know I love her! YOU KNOW!

She’s genuinely too upset.

Moloch: Quit picking apart everything she says.

Lem: Everything I say!

The Delina Lover: Fine!

I’m poor.

Lacey: Are you though?

Lem: WE DIDN’T KNOW THAT!

Lacey: How THE FUCK would we know!?

I could tell you weren’t old money. But that’s different. That’s…far easier to discern.

Glenn: But it’s more insulting?

Lem: Okay!

*rolls eyes*

*throws head back in exasperation*

I’m sorry! But if you want to get her out of your minds…you’re going to have to give a little.

Answer us. How were we supposed to know you weren’t rich!?

The Delina Lover: I seem Nouveau Riche?

Lacey: *Nods emphatically*

I mean…the more I talked to you…the more it became obvious that that wasn’t likely. But…no. Apparently you’re naive?

The Makers of Imaginary Authors: Go on?

Lacey: Okay. Have you ever noticed how Mark Zuckerberg wears plain clothes? They’re neat but super basic.

That look…is so common. Among the New Monied. They tend to wear super basic clothes.

It’s chic. In a way. But…very casual. Not that expensive.

I dress like at times to be left alone.

Also, my mom, who raised me, lived next to MPR. Minnesota Public Radio. …A LOT of very…important people…dress that way. In that business.

No. It’s so common!

Delina: Okay.

No. She’s…struggling.

Lem: Don’t be insulting!

Delina: Mm.

???

Lem: That woman is struggling!?

Delina: Yes.

Lem: I don’t think so!

Really?

Parfums De Marly: No, she’s kind of just poor.

Lem: HOW THE FUCK WAS THAT SAFE!?

HOW THE FUCK WAS THAT A FAIR ASSUMPTION!?

TO ASSUME WE KNEW!?

Parfums De Marly: Why wasn’t she old money?

Lem: Wow! You’re a bunch of entitled brats!

Expecting us to answer that right now!

GOOD JESUS CHRIST!!!

Because of her hair. Okay? …Her hair looked Nouveau Riche.

Lacey: YES!

Glenn: No. Her life is rough.

She’s not financially doing well.

Lacey: What am I supposed to say now!?

Lem: Yeah!

The Delina Lover: I’m sorry?

Lem: *extremely irate*

Lacey: I DID NOTHING!!!

YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE!

Parfum De Marly: So it’s that obvious when someone is New Money?

The New Yorker: Yes! Have you been living under a rock!?

Another perfume collector: So they’re snobs!?

Lem: NO!

We aren’t talking about that!

You can’t just throw that in there!!!

No!!

Parfum De Marly:

Lacey: You all clobbered me.

I’d not involve him, but you kept shouting me down.

And I’m harassed by your deep hatred. It feels incredibly unfinished.

Parfums De Marly: So we’re just monsters?

Lem: Yes.

Yup.

Why assume SO MUCH!?

Parfums De Marly: I don’t-

A woman: She was too cheerful.

Lem: That’s your opinion.

A woman: A lot of people thought that!

Lem: *rolls his eyes*

Elliott: No one in our generation finds her cheerful at all. It’s funny how you read it that way.

Really! We don’t think she’s cheerful.

Glenn: She’s right. This doesn’t seem like jealousy.

*he shrugs*

The CIA: You all seem more like psychopaths than you think.

Or…you all actually are psychopaths.

*they shrug*

Lacey: I wonder.

Glenn: I’m jealous. I swear!

Lacey: Why didn’t someone tell me!?

Nancy: We told her the opposite.

I GUARANTEE it.

I came close.

A man who died in a concentration camp: Yeah, it’s sad.

The Delina Lover: I just feel the need to confront her!

Nancy: THEN DO IT!

The Delina Lover: You have a lot of money!

Lacey: Okay???

The Delina Lover: That’s HEARTLESS!!

*she laughs*

Parfums De Marly: Are you actually a psychopath? *they ask her*

The Delina Lover: I AM NOT!

YOU KNOW ME!

Parfums De Marly: But you’re not at all making sense!

“You have a lot of money!” !?!

What’s that!?

The Delina Lover: I’m suggesting something.

PDM: What though? What are you even suggesting?

The Delina Lover: I’m suggesting culpability.

PDM: In what!?

TDL:

PDM: Yeah. You scare me right now.

TDL: Her money!

Lem: All money is evil!?

PDM: No. Her millions.

Lem: From oil?

PDM: Yeah.

Lem: Hmm.

Why give that away?

Why is she supposed to make herself vulnerable? Things are ugly nowadays.

PDM:

The CIA: You all are SO spoiled and naive!

I’m sorry you’re poor.

But he’s right.

Lem: Well…nice to meet such self-righteous, judgmental bitches.

Thanks for giving us a chance to find more people to avoid.

Don’t ANY of you come NEAR US. Any of us. Including my children!

I’m sorry we FAILED YOU!

*he rolls his eyes*

Lacey: That is too bad some of you are really struggling.

Lem: Indeed!

By Moloch

That man is extremely handsome. He’s also heroic. Lacey and her family are genuinely suffering.

They’ve had severe gastrointestinal problems for a week. But also a cough. So…it’s probably not a parasite.

Her son had a fever. Her daughter had a fever. She has a fever.

Lem has had to watch them suffer for years now. And he’s kept a straight face, no tears, being strong for her, the entire time.

She’s ecstatic about that. *he grins*

*He cries*

I think God will let me say that I’m proud of them both.

If there’s reincarnation, I’ve known them for ages.

Lem knew me first. Now Lacey does, and did?

No. I’m not an alien.

I’m sort of like a goat.

A dead giant goat. With a human IQ of 279.

Was I ever a god? To be honest? No.

But…God may love me. He may have even created me. And he knows people think they should worship me.

Yes. I am dead.

I’m not a-

Well…-

Some people think I’m a deity. And I’ll keep it at that.

That was Lem’s house.

He did work for the Kennedy family, but he was fully capable of being that rich on his own.

Any detractors?

Is there anyone in the perfume industry or community this wealthy? Other than big deal executives?

The perfume community: No.

Me: Then why are you insulting us?

Why are you insulting them?

The perfume community: Because we have-

Okay.

He’s easily her husband.

FINE.

But that’s not what’s happening now. And we didn’t know that.

Me: Okay.

Huh.

So you all felt taken-in?

The perfume community: *nods and laughs*

He’s GOOD!

There’s NO WAY he’s not real.

I’m not saying we should worship him. But wow!

You know…yeah?? I mean…I’m not that poor.

Me: She did allude to that.

The perfume community: I make $190,000.00 but in all honesty, I’m close to retirement.

I wonder if we were wrong.

Me: Ja!

Ja.

Her husband, Mark, is actually a genius. And he’s fully capable of being incredibly smart.

He could be making millions.

It would be almost impossible to keep him poor.

He’s hardwired to be rich. And stay rich.

And she knew that. But-But the reason…-

*he waits*

The perfume community: I’m not that poor?

Me: I’m pretty sure you’re intentionally missing the point.

Do you all understand how irresponsible that is?

In this context…it’s PROFOUNDLY irresponsible.

*he thinks*

Do you want to come at me right now? Be honest!

The perfume community: Yes

Me: What can I say?

The perfume community: It just hurts that she thought of us that way.

Me: BUT SHE DIDN’T!

You misunderstood.

She was simply stating facts. Her family really is old money.

It was more of a fashion statement than an insult. Like, “I’m more into modern design. You people are old-fashioned!”

Casi: But then how am I supposed to take that!?

Me: Yeah!

No. I see what you mean.

Okay.

But why don’t we care about what she really meant!?

The perfume community: *can’t give a good answer*

Me: Yeah.

When do you guys fess-up?

Casi: But I was insulted!

Me: She didn’t mean to be insulting.

Okay, she’s telling me that she didn’t care if it was insulting. But she didn’t want to actually insult anyone.

Casi: We were obsessed with competing with her. How could we not find it insulting?

Me: YOU HAVE NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE.

How was she supposed to know!?

The perfume community: So she thought we might be dumb enough not to know we were competing with her too much? And copying her?

Me: You guys…competing the way you did, and harassing her…and copying her IDENTITY…was really weird, the way you did it. You guys seemed…ODD.

I think she was trying to figure out what THE HELL was even going on.

She needed one of you to be more open. More direct. Not in some catty way. No! LIKE AN ACTUAL ADULT.

A doctor: This isn’t stupid.

She may not know why you all act the way you do.

Casi: I was just jealous.

Me: You needed to SAY THAT.

Casi: OH!

SHE DIDN’T KNOW!?

Me: No.

She wondered if you were. But there’s a huge difference.

Glenn: No. People were just jealous!

Me: Too bad I’m “hearing” that. Huh?

That will never fully work. She’s too logical.

But thank you, for possibly saying that in your spirit.

She’s not at all a jealous person. So…that’s part of why she was so lost.

Glenn: No. You were making everyone jealous!

Me: Wow!

So you were all really jelly?

Casi: Yes.

Me: WOW!

My WORD!

If she had known that…more clearly…she’d have been more receptive. Far more likely to be kind. Or…cool.

*He thinks*

So…you all don’t care? About her feelings?

The perfume community: No.

Me: Then why we still reading this?

Curiosity?

What?

The perfume community: Oops!

I guess? We just-

Me: Okay.