Eric: You went to look at a house today.
Lacey: Yes.
Eric: *Laughing*
You should buy it.
Or definitely think about it.
I know people in that area. Good people.
Lacey: It scares me.
The rooms upstairs aren’t as big as the rooms in our current house.
*This is a text message.*
Lacey: I CANNOT HANDLE THIS!
I’m not comfortable being this person…
Eric: I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.
Lacey: WHAT THE HELL, ERIC!? What the HELL!?
Eric: Just relax.
And make this private again.
Your father Lord Loughborough is telling me to tell you to stop “putting it in perspective”.
He’s actually on the property right now, figuring it out with his wife. Your mom? Maybe? Yes?
No. He’s alone.
Someone is trying to mislead you?
Do it?
That’s what I’m hearing.
Listen to “Autumn Days” by Morunas.
Lacey: Eric, this doesn’t work.
Eric: Lacey, do you think you should buy the house or not?
Lacey: I CANNOT TELL.
Eric: That’s BAD.
Very bad.
Listen, don’t…not buy it. Look into it once more and then decide.
I love that you posted a photo of Elliott Roosevelt. That’s for safety reasons?
Lacey: YES!
*Later*
Eric tries to hear the energy of one of Lacey’s haters.
A hater of Lacey’s: I’m not as impressive of a person as you.
There, I said it.
Lacey: *Laughs*
WHAT THE HELL, DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?
A hater of Lacey’s: Umm…
Affirmation?
Lacey: OF WHAT!?
YOUR FESTERING SHIT!?
A hater of Lacey’s: You’re mean.
Lacey: YOU’RE A SELFISH, IDIOTIC, Child-selling, WORTHLESS, HIDEOUS PIECE OF HEARTLESS SHIT!?
Why would I give you affirmation!?
That’s DISGUSTING.
A hater of Lacey’s: It just makes me feel sad, when I compare the two of us?
Lacey: *Laughs*
Why do you do that!?
A hater of Lacey’s: No, I don’t mean that.
I mean, right off the bat.
Lacey: *Thinks*
A hater of Lacey’s: Why are you still quiet?
Lacey: I haven’t heard this before. HOLD THE FUCK ON!!!
A hater of Lacey’s: Wait…she’d know this if she was born earlier? In the 20th century?
God (?): Yes!
You all have basically completely failed to express this in any functional way in all her almost 43 years of life.
Lacey: Well, my goodness.
What exactly do you want me to say?
A hater of Lacey’s: You’re not flattered?
Lacey: No.
It’s bizarre.
What’s so shitty about you?
A hater of Lacey’s: No!
No.
I’m not talking about that.
I’m saying…you’re different. In a good way.
Lacey: Huh.
Well that’s interesting.
But what do you expect me to do?
A hater of Lacey’s: Umm…-
Like feel sorry for me, or something?
Lacey: That’s an odd response.
Why aren’t you me? What’s your problem?
You know?
Are you…unfairly disadvantaged? Or are you an asshole?
I don’t know.
What do you think?
A hater of Lacey’s: Do you feel loved?
Lacey: Loved?
Am I that superior or not?
A hater of Lacey’s: Yes.
Lacey: Yes? Are you sure about that?
You keep changing your mind. Are you sure you’re not just trying to trick me again?
*rolls her eyes*
A hater of Lacey’s: Yes.
Lacey: Okay…
A reader: You know, some people aren’t impressed. Previous generations were more like that. It’s not about being egotistical, they just saw the whole thing a different way.
Lacey: YES! Exactly.
Another hater of Lacey’s: See…I think that seems corny to us now. But to her, it’s just natural.
And it might be superior to us, actually. So be careful…
The original hater: No, you’re just superior. *They say in a sing song voice*
Lacey: *Lacey looks disturbed.*
Another hater of Lacey’s: See, this is what I’m talking about.
ASK MORE QUESTIONS.
The original hater of Lacey’s: What size are your boobs?
Lacey: *Looks disturbed, confused and too amused to be that angry.*
The original hater of Lacey’s: You talked about that.
Lacey: Yes. In self-defense.
You all have stalked me and viciously attacked me. Try using your brain, if you have one.
The original hater of Lacey’s: Have we ever figured this out, as a generation?
God (?): No.
The original hater of Lacey’s: So…to you, we’re all just…us. You’re just you-
God: YES! That’s SANITY.
Lacey: Am I supposed to even know these jerks?
Or do I just know them because I’m an orphan?
*Later*
A journalist: Okay? Why aren’t you more impressed by me?
Lacey: What?
A journalist: Like…impressed by me.
Lacey: What does that even really mean?
A journalist: You have to know! Or you’re retarded.
Harvard: NOT TRUE.
Lacey: You tell me, what you mean.
A journalist: Okay.
There’s a hierarchy- Okay, I’m agreeing with your conclusions on social class.
Right?
I’m not in the upper class.
Lacey: Okay.
A journalist: But…I’m famous.
Lacey: Okay.
A journalist: Why aren’t you impressed?
Lacey: You never came to an actual point. Keep explaining.
A journalist: You’re a journalist, okay?
Lacey: Okay?
A journalist: I’m talking a huge deal, okay?
Lacey: Okay.
A journalist: I’m that person.
Lacey: And then what?
Elon Musk: *Cracks up laughing with Lacey*
Lacey: Is this for real!?
Elon Musk: *Nods yes.*
Lacey: What is your…concept? What’s the actual concept?
A journalist: I’m not sure I have one.
Lacey: Hmm.
Get one. Figure out what you mean, and then come back.
A journalist: So you use the phrase, “I’m impressed?”
Lacey: Yes!!
A journalist: *Pauses*
What-
What emotion are you using in that moment?
And no, to clarify, I’m American.
Lacey: *Thinks*
I’m…impressed by…Elon Musk, so far.
I’m…impressed by…a near perfect natural diamond.
I’m…impressed by…Diet Coke, at times.
A journalist: You sound like an asshole!
Lacey: Why?
A journalist: *Looks upset*
Only a narcissist would say that!!
Lacey:
…I think I’m using it right? I think I’m using the word correctly?
Why am I an asshole?
A journalist: Because I am that!
Lacey: You are what?
Great size? Great quality? Great skill? Or great achievements?
Or do you mean impressive in a more…colloquial way?
A journalist: FUCK!
Achievements.
Lacey: Ahh!
WHAT HAVE YOU REALLY ACHIEVED!?
A journalist: As a journalist?
Lacey: YES!
Are you Liberal or Conservative?
A journalist: Liberal!
Lacey: Then what good have you really done? I’m sorry, I’m not…going to lie to myself.
If you met me in person, I’d have given you the impression you were impressive. Before.
But if you’re going to “read me” and attack me…you’re going to find out the truth.
A journalist: Okay.
Fair points.
Lacey: Yeah.
I can’t be impressed by journalists who are famous in rotting shithole.
A journalist: But I’m good.
Lacey: Are you?
A journalist: Do you find journalists impressive?
Lacey: You know, no. I have a lot of respect for you. Or did. An extraordinary amount of respect!
But am I impressed? No.
A journalist: I can’t handle that?
Lacey: YOU DON’T WANT MY RESPECT!?
YOU DON’T WANT MY RESPECT!?
WOW!!!
Are you sure you’re even an adult? You seem like an idiot teenager.
A journalist: *Fumes*
I want to be impressive?
Lacey: Not deeply respected?
A journalist: *Thinks*
What’s respected?
Lacey: YEAH!
That’s why I asked you to define impressive. Because maybe my respect is your impressive.
A journalist: Lem. Help.
Lem: *Cracks up laughing*
Okay.
I’ll be you.
Lacey, I’m impressive.
Lacey: *Looks confused.*
Lem: I’m going to show you.
*I show her*
Lacey: Doesn’t work.
Because I don’t find journalists impressive.
Lem: Oh, you find me impressive.
Lacey: Why?
Lem: Because I’m…-
*He thinks*
I’m…Tucker Carlson, interviewing Vladimir Putin. Not literally.
Lacey: Okay! That was impressive.
Alright. I’m impressed by you!
Lem: There you go.
A journalist: Well, I’m not impressed by you! Lacey, I’m not interested in you. I’m not impressed, by you.
Lacey: *Blinks and looks confused.*
You can’t do that.
That’s out.
What’s your real response?
A journalist: Okay.
You are impressed by me, in a way?
Lacey: I’m also impressed by my mail delivery service person. Actually, I’m MORE impressed by Amazon workers. Do you have any idea how hard they work!?
A journalist: But they don’t get paid that much. You’d never marry them.
Lacey: It’s not that simple.
A journalist: I’m impressive!!
Lacey: Why?
A journalist: I’ve done cool stuff!!!
Lacey: Anything like interviewing Vladimir Putin?
A journalist: No.
Fine.
I think I thought I was a very big deal.
Lacey: Actually, you may be.
What is impressive? What did you mean by “impressive”?
A journalist: What’s that mean?
Lacey: Alright.
Tucker Carlson, has lost my respect. But…he’s still impressive. Because that interview was…impressive.
You…may be a very big deal. But…you haven’t done anything as impressive as Tucker Carlson.
A big deal gets recognized. At events. At parties. On the street. They’re…a big deal.
But…I don’t think “a big deal” is necessarily an impressive person.
Another reader: Why are you so brutally honest?
Lacey: *Thinks*
Scott Fitzgerald: She’s not going to have a good response for that. I didn’t either.
Lacey: Yeah.
Scott: I didn’t feel loved. And it meant a lot to me. And actually, I was that rejected.
Lacey: *nods*
Scott: See…I understand why she’s nodding.
How about a cheap: “I’m hurt”?
Lacey: *Waits*
*Waits some more*
A journalist: Okay.
I’m not impressive.
Lacey: *Thinks*
But you’re a big deal.
A journalist: Yes.
To me, that is impressive.
Lacey: Are you sure?
A journalist: Yes.
Lacey: Because-
A journalist: Because, I think Tucker Carlson is great. I think of him as a great journalist.
Lacey: *Thinks*
Huh.
What’s an impressive journalist to you?
A journalist: Someone who has credentials. I’m still sure those mean something.
Someone who…works hard.
Someone who…doesn’t take no for an answer-
Lacey: *Nods*
A journalist: You’re wrong!
Lacey: *controls her temper*
They’re doing their job! Potentially.
VERY GOOD!
How much are you paid?
A journalist: $2 million a year.
Lacey: Well alright.
So you’re well compensated.
For a job you do well?
A journalist: *Thinks*
You don’t think I deserve it?
Lacey: No.
I think all journalists should be paid more and you should be paid less.
What are you doing? You all work together.
A journalist: *Thinks*
Do you feel loved?
Lacey: What are you talking about?
A journalist:
*Later*
Lacey: He seems…dumb.
Lem: He feels hurt. You…are…–
But you’re in the right.
Lacey: I’m not wasting time.
Lem: Do you even understand his definition of impressive?
Lacey: No!
Not at all.
Lem: I think he’s lying. I think he feels very impressive.
Lacey: What has he even done!??
Lem: Not much.
But you and I see things the same way. I don’t think they can see that…
Lacey: Why was I supposed to be impressed!?
Lem: Because they feel impressive.
Lacey: WHAT EVEN IS IMPRESSIVE?
Lem: Do you feel impressive?
Lacey: A little.
Lem: I mean, you’re an extraordinary beauty. But…I mean impressive.
Lacey: Yeah.
No, I don’t.
Lem: But a little?
Lacey: Yes!
In the way I think people mean it-
See…I did find him to be an impressive person, in that way. But…I guess I didn’t?
Lem: How much?
Lacey: *Thinks*
Not that much? But…I thought he was very accomplished.
Lem: Yeah!
Were you impressed by me?
Lacey: Yes, and no.
Lem: Yes.
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