Category Archives: Journal

Lem: Casi, let’s try to explain.

This should be Lacey’s house. If she fit into your…expectations for how the world is run.

Please try to understand that.

Can you?

Casi: Yes!

Lem: That’s really Lacey’s house.

Is everyone clear?

Casi: Yes.

Lem: She owns the whole house…NO MORTGAGE…when she joins the perfume community.

Casi: So if she’d been “following the rules” they’re living there with no mortgage in their early 30’s?

Lem: Yes!

Lacey’s neighbor: That’s a nice house!

Lem: Yes!

*they all think*

Casi: I’m strangely losing all interest in her.

*she laughs*

I’m getting bored.

*they all think*

Casi: Nice house!

Lacey:

Lem: Lacey can’t respond right now. It ruins this experiment.

Alisha: Yeah! That’s a nice house!

A Catholic: She doesn’t go to our school.

Lem: Correct.

Another Catholic: Does she go to another Catholic school?

Lem: No. We send her to Minehaha Academy.

Casi: *nods*

A Catholic: Well, at least that’s a Christian school.

Lem: True!

A perfume collector: What perfume does she own?

Lem: Evening in Paris. That’s her first post.

A perfume collector: How mundane.

Lem: *shrugs and smiles*

Casi: What’s next?

Lem: We let that be her only post for a month. Just to see what people are thinking.

…

People are nice and kind and very interested.

This was back in 2014.

Her next post is Chanel No. 22. A vintage Eau de Parfum from 1950’s America.

Mira: *laughs at Lacey*

She’s so annoying.

Casi: *freaks-out*

*stays silent*

*just begins to observe*

*crickets chirp*

Lem: We post another Chanel. Chanel No. 5. A parfum de toilette from the 1980’s.

We really take time with this photo. I help her make it look cool.

I’m not gay, but I know how to make things happen.

Jan: You are starting to really annoy me.

It’s like, “WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?”

Tutankhamen: Lacey-

*he cracks-up-laughing*

Lacey was trying to be fun, and have fun.

She told you all, “I AM JUST STANDING BY THE NILE…TO FISH.

Do not worry about it!

Do not even think of it for a second!”

And you all started to assume she was a literal mud creature.

Lacey: *laughs*

Lem: She is actually Tutankhamen’s sister, in this analogy. And she’s fooling you all into thinking she’s just…- *he shrugs*

Alisha: I’ll play with his sister!

Lacey: I used to fall for that.

At 30 I knew better.

No, you actually hate me.

Alisha: Yeah, okay.

A reader: Putin, why did you stab her in the back?

Lem: He was inspired by evil.

See, I was supposed to betray her. I didn’t, but it looks like I did.

Barney Frank: Yeah. If there’s reincarnation her first buddies were gay men.

They saw her down by the fishing spot…and automatically knew she was faking it. *he laughs* Just like them!

Hey! A friend! Someone to go practice eye-makeup with while all the other kids were fishing.

*he laughs*

A reader: So you kids don’t fish!?

Barney Frank: *looks caught*

No…ah…we just-

Lacey: We like…to…experiment with the darkness!

*she says, almost as if they’re mystics*

Barney Frank: *holds up a kohl cup*

Lacey: It’s BLACK…as night.

Barney Frank: WE ARE STUDYING UNDER MOSES.

Lacey: *nods*

The reader, pretending to be an ancient Egyptian adult: Alright.

But you two need to learn to fish!

Barney: Oh! We will!

Lacey: Don’t worry!

A moment later they go back to finding ways to make Barney’s eyes look more…angular. Using the dark powder mixed with water. And a small brush.

Another reader: Does he come on to her?

Barney Frank: NO!

*he laughs*

God: He’s not an innocent man. But in this scenario, he’s just her friend.

Lem: So!

Let’s get back to the Chanel.

After she posts Chanel No. 5, then what?

A reader: Does Barney Frank have a crush on Tutankhamen?

God: In this scenario? Yes.

But Tutankhamen is mostly straight.

Let’s move on.

What does the perfume community do after she posts Chanel No. 5.

Another reader: Why did Putin betray her?

Tutankhamen: Because she’s just my sister.

It’s impressive. Sure!

But…he decided it wasn’t worth it.

Especially since I’m dead.

He is impressed, on a personal level. But…an old brick house worth $2 million with no mortgage and a brother who’s Tutankhamen seems more like an American kids television show from the 1990’s to him…than…something to take seriously.

It’s not. But…he was fooled.

He’s after…SUCCESS.

*all the ghosts listen to Lacey’s kids singing, in another room*

He never seems to quite get it. It’s REAL.

She was just…trying not to cry, listening to them. But that doesn’t mean she disappeared. And all is solved.

*they start playing at a dancing competition game*

Jan: Lacey’s kids sound gay.

God: They are not.

Jan: *he laughs*

God: And that’s why it is real.

This isn’t a game, Alexei.

Tutankhamen is right. You want results!

A reader: So why did he betray her?

Tutankhamen: Because…we aren’t famous…LIVING…billionaires. With our own country.

He wants a job. Not a story.

Putin: YES!

Tutankhamen: I completely understand.

So does Lacey, though.

This whole conversation about him started because apparently, on a personal level is making deals with the US where she gets put into prison or has to fight in a court case to defend her blog. That’s his stipulation, not theirs. 

He’s trying to destroy the First Amendment, essentially. 

They hate her because they’re jealous dogs, and they have far worse stipulations, but that was his comeback.

They’re not taking it seriously; they’re acting like childish, drunken pieces of shit.

Zelensky: *nods in agreement*

Tutankhamen: I am REPULSED!

He used to stand-up for her, and me both. He used to stand-up for children being sold. He used to stand-up for a lot of righteousness. But within the last year or two, he has started to make far too many concessions.

And it broke Barney Frank’s heart actually, because he realized that she had been deeply betrayed.

He does it primarily because he’s been narcissistically wounded by her and he’s too backward and foolish and stupid to recover. He has made an ass of himself countless times on Russian national television. But he is the best choice that Russians have and so they put up with him.

His wife worships him. And she hates Lacey because Lacey is infinitely more sexy and intelligent than she is. And even though Putin merely astral projected himself to seduce Lacey it was thrilling to him, because she’s quite a catch. 

His wife is very easily made jealous because he’s a cheating dog, but so is she.

Lacey would hasten to add that they both really do love each other. They’re just absolutely pathetic people.

Lem: Why didn’t he understand? She’s not usual trash!

Tutankhamen: Because he’s-

He did understand! But he’s not thinking well.

And I’m going to have to try to fight to say this through my sister, because it’s hard to say.

Putin, you need to grow-up and realize that Lacey‘s not your fuck buddy. Whatever happened in Red Wing was fascinating and she’s tried to explore it on this blog and explain it to people, but that was just her trying to work with a very bizarre situation.

*a short time passes*

Russia: He says he’s hurt.

Tutankhamen: What in hell are you looking for?

Putin: I am a very big deal!

Tutankhamen: Okay…and you want her to act like a peasant who’s impressed by you and doesn’t understand her own human rights? 

Putin: YES! Duh!

*he laughs*

A famous American journalist: Yes!

Fine, I’m not as wealthy as her or anyone in her family, but I am worth about $5 million and I have my own television show or did on Fox News!

Millions of people watch me on television so I can kick it with a man like Putin and it’s not weird. None!

Tutankhamen: Okay…but you’re not worried about the billions and oil that I am in control of through my sister?

Iran: No.

Tutankhamen: Okay! WOW!

Iran: Did I just accidentally annihilate myself?

Akhenaten: YES! If I want to.

Iran: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION!

China: *watches anxiously*

God: You fools have started a pandemic and World War III and you’re still challenging the authority of ancient Egypt and the Roman Empire?

Iran: But what does that have to do with anything?

You keep acting like we’re doing something.

This stuff is just coincidental, in the last 10 years? It’s just how it’s all happened! Okay! In the last 10 years? Nah! It has nothing to do with reincarnation because that’s impossible stuff.

It’s not in the Koran. It’s impossible!

A Muslim from India: Not…necessarily…

Iran: I WORSHIP ALLAH! YOU ARE NOT A REAL MUSLIM MALE.

BOW DOWN BEFORE ALLAH!

A Muslim man from India: I don’t have to accept that.

You’re WEIRD.

Iran: *gets flustered*

NO!

You BOW DOWN!!

*the man in India ignores him*

God: Now, when LACEY has that SAME reaction…you VIOLENTLY insist she’s LYING.

You all violently insist, instantly, that as “The Illuminati” you have A RIGHT to demand she do whatever you say. Or ELSE.

She’s never fallen for it. But you CANNOT let it go.

Maria B.: *stunned and scared*

Why are you insisting that!?

God: They genuinely think it’s their right.

Parasites? SO WAR!

Starving!? SO WAR!

We are…in war vibes. Almost full on.

Listen to Wagner.

Putin, in my estimation, started the war with good intentions. To rescue the world. To protect the white race. To protect the Holy Cross of Christ.

Yes. To protect the white race. No, not as a racist. As white man, who cares about his own frucking race. It’s innocent. Admirable even.

He meant well.

He’s…kind. In a way. Very kind.

But…somewhere along the way…he’s gotten tired. And…corrupted.

And he’s started making concessions. Far too many concessions.

Listen to “Overture: ‘Rienzi’” by Wagner.

The song plays.

Has he saved children being sold? Some. Yes, some. He has.

Has he silenced his enemies? Almost.

For a while, a year ago, he almost controlled the entire world. He was arguably the most powerful man alive.

1:27

The song plays.

Admired. Admirable.

A passionate, daring, brave soldier.

Putin…Vladimir…at his best.

3:00

The conquering HERO.

The song plays.

3:25

And many people LOVED him.

4:00

But…he’s made concessions.

4:30

And now…we have trouble.

Now…we have…a disaster.

It seems good? No. It isn’t.

As I sit here writing this, I’m worried I have a parasitic infection. One I’ll need medicine to get rid of.

6:21

We…are…at war.

And…our food, in the U.S., is coming from places that allow us to buy from them.

Remember how Cuba is suffering!? VASTLY more miserable than us? …Well, just a few years ago…there was a burgeoning travel industry in Cuba. They were beginning to make a lot of money, from American tourists. Tourists from all over the world. Not anymore.

The whole world is falling apart.

9:11

The song plays.

American food…sucks SHIT.

10:00

Literally.

We’re stuck in this. And THERE IS NO WAY OUT.

10:40

Our food is covered…IN SHIT.

The song ends.

Listen to “New York, New York” as performed by Frank Sinatra & Tony Bennett.

But it could be worse.

*I smile*

Last night I had great Italian. It was made by very talented people who understand Italian food.

It could be worse.

And I’m glad I have a doctor to go to this week.

At least we can get Pellegrino.

Do they have so much Pellegrino in Russia? I doubt it.

*A dead woman from New York City, claps and cheers*

*later*

There will be MANY more parasites. Starvation. Shootings. Stabbings. Homemade weapons.

Best case scenario.

Worst case scenario…until the war really ends…they’ll be a ground invasion.

Worst case scenario…you’ll be better off dead.

A woman who lived through World War I: I did survive. But I would have been better off dead, many times.

God: Go on?

A woman who lived through World War I: We almost starved. And in order to survive we ate…our cat.

Lacey: *laughs*

The woman: *laughs with her*

They never felt a thing. You know that Lacey.

Lacey: Cats are just animals.

But we take them so seriously.

And the thought of having to eat them.

My goodness!

We are such fools, after all.

The woman: Yes! *she laughs*

Thank you for laughing with me.

Lacey: Yes!

I hope the cat forgave you.

The woman: *reflects silently, with mmelancholy*

Yes!

She understands she was just a cat. She was starving too, anyway.

Lacey: I don’t think I’d want to go through that.

The woman: Yeah.

That was one moment…where…if nuclear Armageddon was next…I’d just give-up.

We had a lot to be thankful for. A lot to look forward to.

That was France in the early Twentieth century.

Lacey: AND THAT…IS WHY FIXING GLOBAL WARMING…AND NOT MOLESTING CHILDREN…WOULD HAVE BEEN WISE.

God: Yes. But then they all have to live as though they’re poor.

No one in America…was prepared for that.

No one in America wanted to be so frugal.

Lacey: Starting when!?

God: In the 1970’s. That’s when things started to go completely downhill.

Michael Rockefeller: The 1970’s…were last years when America was truly rich.

We’ve been lying ever since. In a myriad of ways.

A reader: Did Bobby mess-up?

God: Yes.

Many other people would have prevented the parasites. It’s entirely possible!

A reader: But-

God: She’s not wrong, in the sense that it happened because of the war. But it was entirely preventable.

A Catholic: Why didn’t she edit her blog!?

*she yells*

God: OH!

YOU DEMAND SHE WRITE THIS FOR YOU!?

A Catholic: Because she’s a SLUT!

God: No. You completely misunderstood!

A Catholic: Wasn’t there sex involved!?

A female reader: OH DEAR GOD! *she rolls eyes*

God: It’s very honorable that she’s doing this.

A Catholic: But she’s having sex!

God: WITH WHO!?!

A Catholic: With herself?

God: *almost vomits*

*Actually does vomit.*

A reader: *laughs with God*

God: *smiles*

What IN HELL, literally, made you think that!?

A Catholic: There are OTHER BLOGS!

God: Yes…but those were never like that. EVER. Are you sure you found her blog?

A Catholic: She has an only fans account!?

THE CIA: WHAT!? Oh no…

NO.

Someone who hates her made that.

The Pope: Was it AI?

A Catholic: No. I just assumed it was her.

Lacey: That is really sad that you thought that was me. I have no idea what you’re even talking about!

Lacey’s neighbor: Was this like a woman who seemed like a professional who looks like Lacey, with like a studio?

A Catholic: Yes.

Lacey’s neighbor: WOW!

So this is where you have to do far more due diligence!

That was obviously not her and it’s really pathetic that you believed it so easily!

Putin: JA!

Some assholes made porn using her, as a reference. And then the AMERICAN GOVERNMENT…with Bobby…fed information to her community, to make them think she works in the porn industry.

A Catholic: We assumed she was working with them.

A male reader: WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME THAT!?

A Catholic: Because I’ve never seen a good-looking woman…like her…who’s genuinely not up to mischief.

The Pope: MISCHIEF!?

A Catholic: YES.

Call it what you will! I call it old fashioned MISCHIEF!

A reader: Did you watch it!?

A Catholic: Only for research purposes!

A reader: That better be true. Or you’re possibly committing a mortal sin.

A Catholic: SHE MADE ME DO IT!

A reader: You CANNOT be THAT backwards!

Another Catholic: She didn’t even make it. Someone tricked you!

The First Catholic: *thinks*

I’ve just never seen the pretty girl…NOT be the bully…somehow.

Lem: There’s a first time for everything?

*rolls his eyes*

She assumed you were livid about what she was writing about me. Which is what someone wanted you to think.

A Catholic: I mean, it was about you.

Lacey: Lem was in the porn!?

A Catholic: No.

Lacey: Then what-

Does this porn exist!?

The CIA: Yes.

Lacey: This person is NOT being clear.

*an exasperated exhale*

A Catholic: I took what you wrote to be pornography. It isn’t. But that’s how I interpreted it.

I think some people made porn inspired by what you wrote.

Lacey: Oh! So you all misinterpreted it? And they made porn?

And you assumed they knew what I really meant!? As opposed to what was actually written!?

Casi: We want to think she’s masturbating. Come on! Just say it!

You and I and lots of other people, DESPERATELY want to believe she’s into that. Because she’s ugly, or gross.

WE WANT to think that.

A Catholic: I did assume that.

Lem: Why?

A Catholic: I’d rather hate her…and assume the worst of her and her whole family, including her children, than try to empathetically understand.

I’m too scared.

*she cries*

God: He’s a real ghost.

A male perfume collector who pretends to be tough: *rocks himself back and forth*

The CIA: Just to clarify, she’s not involved with any of these people in making any of this pornography. It’s actually almost always just a personal attack on her, try to understand that.

Lacey: Why does that scare you?

Gene Tierney: I agree!!

I can’t believe it either!

We made a movie about it!

*she laughs*

TWICE!

Both in the 1940’s.

Casi: Yeah!

Matt: I-

I think we’ve seen too many weird things on TikTok Lacey, to understand what’s actually going on and you’d think we’d have better judgment and understanding, but we don’t.

Bobby Brown: It happened TO ME!

Lacey: It’s just…-

Why would you think it was something else?

A Catholic: It’s what Matt said.

Matt: How can that be…all that great?

A reader: She’s written about it!

Matt: *thinks*

What do they look like?

Lem: Themselves.

I’m not a mist. Nor a dark shadow.

It’s like I’m alive…but with no solid form. I’m able to hold her hand. I can move things on occasion, even, with God’s assistance.

A Catholic: How does her husband feel about it!?

God: He has grace. He also has…visions. In his sleep. Of a beautiful woman, who is not Lacey.

They have been married for over ten years. And never slept with anyone else, in the physical, clear sense.

You were lied to, in a way. For your own safety. But I don’t lie.

But truthfully, in a clear, certain sense…no other “living” man has ever been her mate, other than her husband.

A male perfume collector: Putin astral projected himself. He astral projected himself to sleep with her!

Jan, a man in Germany: We flirted. You know? But…that’s all possible-

Lem: I am real.

God: He is.

A Catholic: I’m not ready to accept reincarnation. But I wonder if…-

Does Mark…have a dead wife?

God: Yes. She’s been waiting for him, for years, knowing what his life would be like.

A Catholic: So there’s sex in Heaven?

God: Yes! Marriage is different. Angels…is key to understanding what Heaven is like. Angels aren’t human though.

Why would I obliterate making love!? How cruel!

No!

Sex isn’t evil. Sex isn’t even a part of the Fall of Man.

Do you understand?

A Catholic: Kinda.

God: Peter Kreeft isn’t a terrible theologian. He writes about it. He’s wrong on some things, but he writes fairly well, not perfectly, about sex.

A reader: Did Putin do that?

Tucker Carlson: YES!

Yes, he did!

And he’s very good at it. We’re expected to astral project. They use it for safety purposes. We can talk about private issues…very safely, and yes savagely, that way.

It’s old school, in a way.

A reader: Astral projection sex!?

Tucker: Sounds dorky? It is.

But…I think God does count it as something. You know?

A reader: So Lem can manifest!?

God: He’s with her right now.

As she writes this.

Tucker: How much can she see him?

God: She sees…his spirit.

Lacey: Anyway…

This is getting boring.

But at least you have a better idea what was being said?

A perfume collector: So…you-

Wait…does Putin astral project himself all over and have his way with tons of beautiful women?

Putin: *laughs*

I’m not sure what you mean.

A perfume collector:

Does Lacey…see them?

God: He’s this man:

He’s her ideal.

Lacey: Are people just jealous?

God: Yes.

He’s actually a very handsome man.

And you completely make sense together.

And yet you don’t.

*God laughs*

He’s extremely handsome! I made him. I totally understand why you’re flabbergasted, Lacey.

But…think about…what you thought of him…before you fell MADLY in love with him.

Lacey: I saw this photo when I was a teenager.

And I KNEW he wasn’t gay. And I had an instant crush on him.

I let myself be brainwashed afterwards, but I knew he was being bullied by Jack. And Jair hiding it, in these ridiculous photos. I mean…they’re supposed to be so lurid and edgy according to Jack, I’m sure, but they’re- They are two teenagers. *Lacey rolls her eyes*

They’re not that…- *Lacey rolls her eyes* There are far worse things. Far worse photos. Even from that era. But heart intent matters, I suppose.

God: Indeed.

So…you think he’s perfect. I know.

He’s capable of still playing the man though. His lack of completely typical good-looks combined with his actual masculinity, is fascinating to you. Because he can win your heart…but he has to want to. He can’t just waltz in and demand you adore him, like many men have with you. He has to try.

A dead woman: WHY do we have to EXPLAIN THIS!?

Lacey: He’s SO handsome.

A reader: Elliott is better looking.

Lacey: Yes? But Lem really is handsome!

A gay man: How can she find that attractive!?

Lacey: What do YOU find attractive!? Explain.

A gay man: Dammit. I assume it’s gay…and the more closely I look…at it…the more I can tell he’s maybe not gay.

What do you find attractive!?

Lacey: *awkward silence*

He is sitting in a gay way. But…not.

Look at his legs. They’re so…masculine.

Those ankles. I’m sure he has a strong build.

His arms? Tough. Nothing fussy. Strong. But rough…not…pretty? I’m sorry, but he’s not a pretty man. Not really. He’s masculine.

You can tell he has a great chest. Or could. Very solid. And those shoulders!? BROAD!

And I love his face.

He’s just so masculine.

Gene Tierney: I found him attractive too. I just never said anything.

And…he was a bit dorky.

A reader: So you thought Jack’s friend was attractive!?

Gene Tierney: Yes!

But I was after Jack? Well…actually he was after me. He was OBSESSED with me…for a short time.

A gay man: Did he seem gay?

Gene Tierney: No.

He acted weird. And I’m sure that was supposed to be gay. *she laughs* …He was still perfecting his presentation. He seemed more like he was…suffering from something. *she laughs* His voice got WAY too high, at times. And he seemed almost deranged. *she laughs* But…then all of a sudden, he’d act completely normal.

We were taught to be KIND. Our whole generation! And so we tolerated him. Because he was a really nice guy.

God: Lacey is concerned and confused.

Yes! They didn’t buy it…because he’s not Elliott.

Lacey: *rolls her eyes*

He’s SO handsome!

God:

They do look alike!

FAR more than you think!

Lacey: Look at him!

How is that not fantastic!?

Lady Angela Rosslyn: I agree!

Let them be confused! They just don’t get it.

Lacey: He’s SUCH A HANDSOME MAN.

Angela: Do you think they’re all after him!?

Lacey: Yes! I think they’re hiding how attracted they are so they can spring up on me…and try to steal him.

Angela: Why could they win? Even if they tried?

Lacey: Well, maybe he loves me that much.

Angela: Jack tried. But it wasn’t working and never can.

Let’s go.

You’ve done SO MUCH.

*Lacey almost leaves but it stopped when someone asks:

A male reader: How tall is he!?

God: Six feet, four inches.

A male reader: And he was a buff athlete!? Yeah! That’s not…gay.

I mean, it could be. But…it’s actually really weird.

He’s not the guy in the picture with Jack, who’s shorter than Jack.

God: Correct.

A male reader: This blog is weird…but…I’m not dumb. She’s clearly fighting.

You’d have to be an IDIOT not to figure that out.

I really doubt Lem was gay.

I think he was just messed-up.

I think we assume we know what people of the past were like, when we should not. It’s common sense.

I’m sorry, Lacey. We don’t know-

*he shrugs*

Elliott: I just ran across her room.

She was mildly intimidated.

*he laughs*

I could marry her! As you living folk, put it. But…Lem and God wouldn’t let me. *he smiles*

She’s not…fake. She’s just another man’s wife.

*Much later*

Lem: I’m A GHOST.

Like the ghost in “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir”.

That’s what I’m doing. Except he’s wrong about sex.

A reader: That’s sex.

God: Okay? Where are you going what that?

This particular reader: Then how she single?

God: When did she ever say she was?

This particular reader: So people keep assuming that. And she’s not sure how to explain it?

God: Yup.

This particular reader: Was HER DAUGHTER, LEM’S DAUGHTER!?

God: Shhh!

This particular reader: HOW DID HE DO THAT!?

God: I did. Mary was a virgin.

This particular reader: Yeah, so it’s like science to you?

God: Yes.

This particular reader: Oh.