Category Archives: Journal

Rick: Why do you like him!?

Lacey: LOOK AT HIM! He’s GORGEOUS. He’s an extremely handsome man.

Rick: *stunned by the similarities*

Lacey: I’ve seen those SAME EXACT SHOES…in another photo. They look gay. But…he wears them all of the time.

A gay man: How far apart were those photos in time?

Lacey: Possibly a year? I think he wore those in Florida? This is Germany.

A gay man: Those aren’t traveling shoes.

Lem: I know.

I didn’t have much of my own money. And I wanted to look…sharp. It’s not a concept that’s carried over into today.

A gay man: And looking gay is “sharp”?

Lem: Yeah! When you honestly think you’re gay.

A gay man: I don’t think we knew men like you existed?

A dead psychiatrist: No!

We did.

You did.

I’m a dead prominent psychiatrist from New York City. I treated Lem. For four years. I’m currently trying to help Lacey.

Okay…let’s back-up a moment.

Someone interrupts him: You’re helping her!?

A dead psychiatrist: YES!

Do you have any idea how much severe trauma she’s been through? It’s my job to help. I can. Easily. And it’s actually healing for me. I don’t think I was as helpful to Lem as I should have been.

Okay.

So let’s back-up.

Back in the early 20th century…AS YOU KNOW…gay men WERE NOT…allowed to marry.

Are you with me?

A gay man: Okay!

A dead psychiatrist: Have you noticed how Lacey tries to be…what some might call “edgy”?

A gay man: Yes!

A dead psychiatrist: That’s intentional.

Both her and Lem have a need to be different.

Can you understand that?

A gay man: Yes.

A dead psychiatrist: Good.

They’re both fiercely independent people. And I applaud them for that.

Okay, but back then…gay men were not allowed to marry. They were treated very badly.

We’re still waiting?

A gay man: *nods*

*starts to cry*

A dead psychiatrist: He felt the need to be different. She feels the need to be different.

Back then gay men…were trying to fit in? Okay. Well…but they didn’t. You know?

Lem noticed that. And instead of being repelled by it, he found it alluring.

Gay men…would not have noticed that Lem didn’t fit in. They were too anxious. They were too anxious to feel…safe…picking apart other gay men. Certainly not openly.

Lem seemed gay. *he shrugs* They just assumed he must be.

To be honest, they didn’t know how they were gay anyway. I mean, there were theories, but…it was all theoretical.

Am I helping?

A gay man: Yeah.

I mean I’ve read what she’s written.

A dead psychiatrist: Then what qualms do you have?

It’s all right there.

Jim: He’s right! I’m Karrie’s dad.

I’m almost 80.

Things were VERY different back then.

Elliott: I don’t think I understand the question.

A gay man: Okay.

Rick: Why are we mad!?

A gay man: I assumed he was gay.

Rick: *nods emphatically*

A gay man: How is he not gay!?

A dead psychiatrist:

How homosexual does that man really look?

Be HONEST.

Lacey: I think he’s handsome!

A dead psychiatrist: Why do you feel the need to say that.

Lacey: I feel like I’m being told otherwise. AND…I adore him. And…people say stuff like that???

A reader: They do.

A dead psychiatrist: But you find him attractive? Helplessly?

Lacey: Yes. I always have.

A dead psychiatrist:

What about here?

Lacey: When I was younger? YES! He’s great!

A dead psychiatrist: He is attractive, Lacey.

Tell us why.

Lacey: That is a bit risqué.

*feels flustered*

Okay.

He’s…very manly.

A dead psychiatrist: Yeah!

He looks big and strong.

Do you find Rock Hudson big and manly?

Lacey: No.

A dead psychiatrist: Yeah.

Why not?

Lacey: He’s too feminine. I’m sorry. He looks gay to me. He always has.

A dead psychiatrist: And he’s not offended. He was almost entirely gay.

*silence*

I don’t think most people alive today have understood how sexually attractive Lem is…TO WOMEN.

*Lacey, rolls her eyes and feels uncomfortable*

Lem: I’m not a cheat.

A dead psychiatrist: Yeah. And she knows that. But not everyone reading this does.

*a moment of pause*

Lacey…would you have waited patiently for Lem to return from World War II…with handsome men like Louis…about?

Lacey: *looks…less than warm*

Is HE being faithful?

I do trust him. But…war is UGLY in that way. And many others, of course.

I would have struggled to trust him. But I would have tried.

I would have desperately tried.

No, I’m not a cheater. But I refuse to be a victim.

Elliott: He’d have stayed in the U.S.. *he laughs* Mother Nature already had his back.

…Even if Lem…was faithful, and he would be…she’d have NEVER been at ease.

Do you miss how MUCH there is of him? He’s HUGE. …How is that not arousing?!

Men like me…to be honest…and others…would have seen a golden opportunity. Set him up. Make him look evil. And then make a move. …I’m actually too good for that sort of behavior. But…a lot of men were not.

A dead psychiatrist: Yeah.

You were tall too, Elliott?

Elliott: YES.

A dead psychiatrist: So, what now?

Because I’m sure many gay men reading this will be offended and upset and resistant.

Princess Anne: *nods*

A dead psychiatrist: There’s nothing we can do about that!

*silence*

*later*

A dead psychiatrist: Lacey, I’m sure you find this man attractive don’t bother lying to me.

Lem is far more attractive to you and you’re in love with him, but we’re being honest.

Is he heterosexual, however?

Lacey: No.

He’s bisexual.

A dead psychiatrist: You’re correct.

You can tell.

I know many or most gay men today tell you that you cannot, but that’s not reasonable thinking. How can you say you can’t? You get it right, every time!

You never miss! You have a few misunderstandings. But they’re SO much less important, because 99% of the time…you’re terrifyingly accurate. And you always seem to correct your mistakes.

Lacey: But I do make mistakes.

A dead psychiatrist: YES. But how often!?

Lacey: Not that often.

A dead psychiatrist: So WHY…do the mistakes…matter MORE? …You’re FAR more likely to be right.

Lacey: I don’t want to get hurt.

A dead psychiatrist: You CANNOT. He’s right here…and he’s madly in love with you. REGARDLESS.

A reader: That’s not Lem!?

God: No! It’s a Nazi who looks like him.

A reader: *laughs*

Why did Jack take Lem to NAZI GERMANY…to be romantic!?

God: Jack was a very troubled man.

A dead psychiatrist: Lacey. You can safely assume he’s straight.

Lacey: I can’t make myself feel that way about it, though.

A dead psychiatrist: You’re right.

Lacey: I try to. But I can’t.

A dead psychiatrist: But he was straight.

Lacey: He was.

I just have so much to lose.

A dead psychiatrist: Fine.

He was straight, however.

*later*

Lacey: I’m worried my kids and I have that parasite.

God: You’ll recover.

Lacey: When does Putin die?

God: Possibly soon? Along with his wife and kids.

They’re potentially totally messing-up.

Maybe his wife made the war far too much about her ego. Her personal opinions.

Lem: Why are you being SO weak?

Putin: *no clear answer*

Lem: Is he on something?

Putin: *no clear answer*

Lem: I think both him and his wife are drunk.

Is he on stimulants?

God: He might be.

Lem: And they’re out rooming around, on atvs?

God: Yeah? Possibly?

Lem: He’s completely psychologically destabilized.

She did this to him!

Princess Maria: He’s out of his mind.

Lem: Ja!

She’s gotten him there. This second wife.

God: They’ve been using her to attack him, and he refuses to see it. And he’s aging.

Lem: He’ll just die!

God: Yes.

He’ll be overtaken by his administration.

And they will actually be far worse. They’re more likely to invade other countries.

Lem: Why did his wife do it!?

God: You know why. She wanted to be popular. In the West.

Mostly people like Jeff Bezos and his wife. The Zuckerberg’s. She wanted them to see her as an equal. And be glamorous.

The West has an uncanny ability to seem cool. She’s been beguiled by it.

…

Lacey and Lem look baffled.

Lem: If I was Emperor of Rome…-

If then when…well…I’d never have worried about that. Who care!?

Lacey: Ja!

Chopsticks it is!

And there’s Russian culture.

North Korea: They do love Western Culture.

Lacey: They have Russia.

Japan: But..it’s not enough.

Lacey: *thinks*

How was she trying to maintain ties to the West?

Japan: By mocking you, like a rich Western New Money brat, behind closed doors. Buying expensive clothes. Eating well, and making jokes about it.

Telling crass jokes. Trying desperately to look cool.

Lacey: And they’re too pathetic to realize that they’re all just weak-ass losers?

Lem: Yes.

Lacey: Where did you all come from? Genetically?

An ancient Chinese man: *laughs*

*makes Lacey smile*

Good question!

I’m filled with despair as well.

Lacey: *Looks sad*

The ancient Chinese man: I think they mostly came from the tropics.

Believe it or not.

Lacey: The TROPICS!?

The ancient Chinese man: Yes.

Lacey: That’s it!!! That’s what I’ve been searching for!

The ancient Chinese man: Well!?

Lacey: They’re…wild tempered.

Very complex.

So!

Why must you mock me!?

Ukraine: I think they think it’s funny.

Lacey: *nods*

*thinks*

Does it make you all feel jolly?

The ancient Chinese man: *clasps his hands in delight*

Lacey: Yes?

One of them: Yes.

It makes us feel…content. And then giddy. And then guilty. And then we have to go at it again.

Lacey: *thinks*

Nothing else suffices?

One of them: *thinks*

No.

Rick is a paranormal investigator.

The Illuminati, if it exists, uses Rick’s natural abilities to contact the dead. And for other purposes.

For the last three and a half years…many Liberals in the U.S. have insisted that “Lem is Rick”. In other words, that Rick…is…Lem’s reincarnation…or that Rick is able to speak on Lem’s behalf, even physically “be” him.

“I think-

I’m trying to keep this PG and be respectful of Lem and Lacey’s privacy.

How do I say this?

*he exhales and looks exasperated*

I’m getting angry…at a lot of people!”

“We’re working on her name.” says Reta Banks. “Tom named her Lacey. It suits her. But it’s not a good look with the name Lem.”

We see Rick lying on a bed. He tries to intuit what Lacey and Lem are doing. Using demonic forces, who give him images and ideas.

It’s 2024.

“I think I see him-“ says Rick to two men in the CIA, who for whatever reason, have been tasked with “investigating” the situation.

Rick twists his whole body.

He’s wearing expensive, yet sporty and casual clothes. Neutrals. Some pink. Beige and white.

Rick is a white, middle-aged, 5 foot 11 man. Medium build. Mostly gay, but not entirely.

“He’s-He’s twisting-“ says Rick.

“To right? Or to the left?” says a female CIA agent, watching him,

“Ahh…left? It’s to the left!” says Rick.

“I have laid in bed…FOR DAYS…at this point…desperately trying to figure out what they’re doing.

So many people…have taken such an interest.

It’s TIRING.” says Rick.

Again, we go back to 2024.

In reality, Lem and Lacey are being…together. And he’s kissing her.

Rick…interprets it as…them “pecking” each other.

“They look-I’m seeing birds?” says Rick. “It’s almost like he’s eating her? But I don’t think you can eat another person’s face.” he says. He laughs.

“Is he-

He’s eating-“ says Barney Frank.

“NO!

No.

It’s pretty.

It’s like they’re…birds.” says Rick.

Barney Frank looks genuinely confused and distraught. He sits down. Breathing heavy in despair.

“He was worried God would make him give away his husband.” explains Rick.

On another occasion in 2025.

“I’m seeing-I’m seeing…- *Rick laughs with several living Kennedys* No! Let’s be serious.

I’m seeing…-

*He starts acting like he’s hugging someone invisible, and then kissing them.*

*He steps back. Tries to reassess the situation.*

I’m seeing- *He shrugs, nervously, and scratches the back of his neck.*

I mean- *he shrugs*

It’s like, they’re on a date.” he says.

The Kennedys look irate and crestfallen.

“Maybe he’s raping her?” says one of the women.

Rick shakes his head no.

“Huh.

They’re friends?

Is that what I’m supposed to think!?” says a man.

Another male Kennedy, “Who even is Tom Banks!?

He’s like Tony Soprano!

My family wasn’t into bootlegging. That’s MYTH.” spits the man.

Rick, anxiously nods.

In 2023.

“I’m happy.

He’s making her feel…so loved.” says Rick, dreamily.

“Can you make him be mean!?” says Joe Biden, excitedly. “MAKE HIM BE MEAN!”

“He’s gotta hate her!

He’s gotta HATE her!” says Ethel. *she laughs at Lacey*

Rick shakes his head no. Patiently. He’s used to these people.

“I can’t make him do anything.

He’s his own entity.” explains Rick.

“IF YOU DON’T MAKE LEM BILLINGS GAY…LIKE A GOOD GODDAMN AMERICAN…-“ says Ethel, trying to be intimidating. She’s mustering as much energy as she can find. “I WILL KICK YOUR ASS!!”

“Ha! Mom!

No. I WILL!” says one of her sons.

“Okay.

Huh.

Umm…

I need crystals.” says Rick. “TEN DIFFERENT COLORS OF DIAMONDS.”

In spring 2025.

Rick has arranged ten colored diamonds into the shape of a heart. Fifteen candles are lit. It’s sunset. On Hyannis Port. And it’s Lem’s half birthday? No? It’s someone’s half birthday.

They play John Denver in the background.

Two women walk around misting rose water.

“OKAY! I’m feeling good!” says Rick. “THIS IS GOOD!”

“Let’s go for it!!” says a man, on behalf of Ethel.

“YEAH!” says Rick.

And for the next hour…as Lacey and Lem are falling asleep together. In Saint Paul. Rick pretends to be Lem.

Lacey keeps being silenced. She keeps trying to say, “That’s NOT HIM! He’s right here!”

But most people believe Rick has it totally under control.

(Rick is obviously not his real name. The name Rick is being used for his own safety.)

“I’m saying it.

Hold on.

She’s trying to kiss me.

‘I don’t like you. EWW!!’” he says, batting at her, as if he’s an angry cat.

She’s not there. But he’s sending endless messages to her brain, that she has no control over, through the demonic. Images of Lem hissing at her. Images of Lem attacking her with a knife.

“That doesn’t even make sense.” says Daveigh, as she listens, in despair. “You guys, we’re being WEIRD.”

Hayden cries.

“It’s FINE!

It’s fine.

He’s gay now.” says Rick, laughing, trying not to seem nervous. “All over!

Mission accomplished!”

The Kennedys, laugh. Relax.

“MAN! What a BITCH!” says one of them, about Lacey.

Two weeks later:

“IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!

Bobby is HEARING THEM!!” yells a son of Ethel and Bobby Kennedy.

“CALL Rick!” says a woman in the family.

Glenn: TWO WEEKS!?

Lem: No. They just missed us.

We snuck out.

“Rick! YOU-“ cries Caroline. “He IS my DADDY!”

“No. He’s not her father!” says Lacey.

Bobby laughs, at Caroline. Joe laughs too.

“FUCK YOU!” says Caroline, to the boys.

“He’s not any of their fathers! HE IS NOT A FATHER TO ANY OF THEM!” yells Lacey.

They all stand silent for a moment. Thinking.

“Let’s just let it go?” says Rick. “Let’s work on healing exercises?”

“I’m not convinced rose quartz does anything.” says Joe.

Rick looks very distressed. And stressed.

“NAH! I’m not taking this!” says Bobby. “I’M going in!

I’m going to make love to them both.

Get them addicted to ME.

And then we can dump them.” says Bobby.

Caroline nods.

“Eww!” says Rory.

“It’s not that big of a deal!” says Joe.

“Okay.

Creative solution!

I LOVE IT!

But I think…I’m far more experienced in this energy field.” says Rick.

“He is very good. Maria swears by him.” says Caroline.

“FINE.

I’m not an expert.” says Bobby. “What do I know!? I’m just- MAN! You PEOPLE ARE DIFFICULT!”

“I’m not trying to cause a rift.

Let’s just see…if I can tweak a few things?” says Rick.

And now…we’re in the middle of World War III.

A perfume community member: I feel so bad for Rick.