“Lacey…what did you expect?” says Lem.
“To be helpful to them.” says Lacey.
“They were never going to like that. …They found you attractive. But they weren’t planning to ever tell you that.” says Lem.
“Then what was the point!?” says Lacey.
“Men in our generation weren’t like that. They’d have flirted with you more clearly. …Guys…in your generation hung out. Men in our generation flirted. …So…you’d have understood that they found you attractive but you just weren’t what they were looking for long-term.” says Lem.
Lacey thinks.
“What the hell was the point of life in this fallen world?” says Lacey to God and Lem. “You redeemed it!? WHEN!?”
“What’s your criticism!?” says God to Lacey.
“How are people supposed to find anyone to love!?” says Lacey.
“It didn’t used to be quite this impossible.” says God.
“What was I supposed to do!?!!?” says Lacey.
“So…basically you just weren’t popular enough. They didn’t think you were socially acceptable.” says God. “You were actually better looking than almost any woman alive. And still are. And your background was stellar. But you were raised by people who didn’t care if you were popular, so to speak. And…your peers felt envy of you and disdain. At the same time. You were very pretty but not lovable. Because…you’re very smart. People who are intimidated by your beauty were scared of your intelligence. Especially with your personality. Very few people feel like they can relax around you. Elizabeth would. And
does. But she’s rare. So does Margaret. You’d have adored being their friend. Had you been born earlier. They’d have let you be yourself. You’d have been quiet…but…had fun. And you’d have been very loyal to them both.
They expected Princess Diana to be like you. But you’re very different women…even if you’re similar in some noticeable ways that people use as guideposts when analyzing people. …You would have been their confidant and true loyal pal. Always Godly. Always ready to assume a place behind, happily. Philip and you would have been actual platonic friends, which is rare. But you’d both have managed it. And at times been harsh with each other but out of a sense of duty. No one would have ever thought you were anything but straight. As that’s what you are. …And sadly there’s a gaping lack of heterosexual role models from the past like you. It’s…disgusting. You’re very unique. Tom…if he could have had you…really messed-up. And he could have. Elliott Roosevelt is very angry though at me. He holds me responsible and I understand that. It was Tom’s responsibility, however. And I respect his concern for his children that prevented him from bringing them into this world but…I needed them.
Tom…your father…was determined to save his children from pain…by never creating them in the first place. …And Lem was so sure he was gay. *God laughs* Neither of them were at all correct. …Tom is a great father. He’s earnestly patented you from the grave. As much as he could. And it’s been miserable for him. But he’s a very good dad. It’s very natural to him. …And yes…had you been born earlier you’d have met Queen Elizabeth II on numerous occasions.” says God.
“Where!??” says King Charles III.
“At a party. In her early teens. In a country estate owned by an Earl. In England. In the 1939’s. Her father would have been friends with the Earl. He’s was a very charming man. From a wealthy family. He’d have been more socially mindful if he’d had a daughter. And Lacey and Elizabeth would have just instantly been great friends. Elizabeth would have been intrigued by Lacey’s wild, Hollywood parents. Lacey would have seemed glamorous. And Lacey, being herself, would have been far more like a young British aristocrat than a Hollywood type. So…they’d have felt very at ease. Philip would have noted Lacey’s…’mild temperament’ for an American. But it would have never been an issue for them.” says God.
Later.
“Lem was not a gay man. …I didn’t create him to be a gay man. And he had no part of him that was like that.” says God. “He looks gay. But that’s not his real personality. He hid his real self from view after he was molested and after his father died. His mother should have been a stronger woman. She let him ruin his life. And she’s taken the blame for it. Her children hold her responsible. Especially her daughter.” says God.
Later.
“They were nasty.” says Lacey to God and Lem.
She just bought a vintage light fixture from an antique store.
“You seemed difficult. Because Mark was being difficult and they instantly took his side. And LOVED judging you. Because you’re vastly better looking than they were. And Mark seems far more relatable.” says God. “The woman stood around watching your parenting. Literally peering down her nose at you. And you were doing fine. …They also aren’t the nicest people. Letting that big dog run around and scare people is a dangerous thing to do…but they’re careless.”
“See…what THE FUCK do people want from me!??” says Lacey. “Growing-up I was too poor. And unpopular. Now I’m prissy and I relatable!?”
“And your twin flame was widely identified officially as a homosexual. I’ll call him your twin flame, even though we know that’s not the way I label it.” says God.
Lacey smirks.
“He wasn’t gay.
You know that…so why do you keep going back to thinking he was gay?” says God.
“Because I just assume I don’t really know. …I’ve been hurt too many times.” says Lacey.
“Devastated. Not just hurt.” says God. “But I created you to be more insightful and aware than most people. And you are. You’re rarely ever wrong. You’re exceptionally good at figuring out EVERYTHING. You’re an unusually analytical person. You’re a foreign policy expert wit a college degree. Because you’ve sat around pondering it your whole life almost. Just because you LOVE it. …People think you’re JFK because of Lem but also because they want to make sense of your intelligence because they’re not used to seeing women who are so naturally feminine being so unusually intelligent in regard to that subject. But you’re actually smarter than him in that way. And he struggled to comprehend what you think is…painfully obvious. Lem was a much smarter man than people thought. And yes, as convincingly gay as he acted…he was heterosexual.
The Kennedys can’t handle it. It has them on the wrong side of history. And they pride themselves on never getting that wrong. That’s their brand. …Being wrong about science isn’t uncommon for them. Joe Senior barely understood foreign policy at all. Bobby Junior is dangerous. Joe Junior barely made it as a pilot. Lem’s complex psychology baffles them. …He believed he was gay even though he wasn’t. And his act…was…not an act to them. They don’t even really understand the concept. The dichotomy between his persona and him. They desperately want to believe nobody fools people the way they do. Because then they just felt and feel like cheap clowns from the Irish gutter. And they’re more sure the Irish are worthless than you’ve ever been. They hate themselves, secretly. So…thinking that Lem fooled them…BY ACCIDENT…is…excruciatingly painful. For all of them! …Actually…hearing it from Lacey is A LOT easier than it would be from most people. And they haven’t yet realized that. But her father’s bootlegging made it less nasty. So does her admiration of them. As does her innate humility that people don’t want to acknowledge at the moment.
Lem…was…very confused. And…they just can’t handle it.” says God. “He never really did anything that clearly showed he was gay though. …People can fake being attracted to people. …And he was never really jealous nor hurt almost ever by Jack. People have talked about his jealousy as if it’s memorable, but it wasn’t. There were no big jealous scenes. No heartbroken letters. No phone calls. No suicidal thoughts. Lem didn’t CARE AT ALL. He promoted Jack’s interest in other people. He didn’t care. He really don’t care. I’m GOD. I know. …But…they can’t handle that. They’d argue violently against it. Because it’s unthinkable to them. That a man would ever make that mistake is…unimaginable to them. And there are many people who think like that. Because the Gay Rights community has been very vocal about the idea that gay people never choose to be gay. Nobody wants to be gay. Nobody would ever choose to be gay. And that’s simply not true. Most people wouldn’t choose to be gay, but it’s far from true that nobody would. There are many people who would. …They were stubbornly evil about him and they’ve ruined Lacey’s life that was already in perilous danger of being ruined. She had no choice in the matter either. Absolutely none. Lacey you’ve had no way out. You’ve done almost everything you could.
The thing is…if they were serious about you being able to be happy and that’s why you feel a pushback from them…they’d have celebrated and heavily encouraged you to be with someone else. Like Louis. Or Joel, who’s alive. Or MANY other men. …That would have been in their best interest. But they have never been able to let you be happy with anyone. You’ve been spiritually attacked by them your whole life, unbeknownst to you. And there was nothing you could do. I know you can hardly believe that…but it’s the truth. They never gave you a moment of peace.
And why was that? Because you don’t matter to them and they’re incredibly spoiled people. Lacey your existence isn’t human to them. They see your whole existence as a minor inconvenience to them. Because they all had such a psychotically high opinion of themselves that they saw you as nothing compared to them. So throwing your whole being into a living Hell seemed obvious to them, the obvious answer to what they perceived as a slight made by Heaven when they found out they weren’t me after they died. Humans aren’t important to them. They feel they are the meaning of everything. And they didn’t love Lem that much even but they did love him and they can’t believe they’d ever be mistaken or fooled or taken in by anyone or anything, even Satan except for maybe me because I tell them the truth.
Listen…I know that to you that means Purgatory. And you have a hard time believing that Purgatory exists. But that’s okay.
They don’t and didn’t even want Lem to be theirs, really. They just wanted to ruin your life…send you to Hell…and keep Lem sort of and make him truly homosexual. They had no concern whatsoever for his happiness. He’s a plaything-slave to them with no existence of his own outside of a programmable robot. They are extremely perverse people. You being his lover for eternity was crime against them, they felt. An absolute crime! *God laughs at them* How dare I!?! How dare I make a man they could slightly love who had feelings and needs of his own!?! They’re foul creatures of Hell, worthless to anyone including themselves, by choice. Damned beings who may not exist for the rest of eternity if they can’t respect the humanity of anyone but themselves. It’s extremely rare that I make people cease to exist. And I hope to bring them all back.
And what’s worse is that nobody is likely to have much sympathy for you Lacey about Lem. Because explaining it to people makes you sound uppity and vain. And possibly insane. …People don’t care that your mother who raised you is a relative of Lem’s. Nor that your father Tom could easily have introduced you to him. Nor that you’re more suited for him than Jack was ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. …People imagine them as soulmates for silly, shallow reasons. They like to sugarcoat history to enjoy their own lives rather than let it be as ugly as complex as it is. So Zelda and Scott are perfect for each other to an epic level of intimacy. And Harold Loeb is a weird fool. And your dad is a violent, hoodlum freak from the poorhouse. None of those things are real. But it’s easier to think history is that simple and clean. No mistakes, no real mysteries. No deeply hurt feelings that we can’t mend because people are dead.
Lem was never hurt enough by Jack to be remotely attracted to men in any real way at all. He just wasn’t. …And Tom Banks was and is your real father. And those two facts…are the explanation for a great many ugly things.
If I allow your whole family to die…you’ll all be with me. Heaven is real. It’s not a myth. I conquered death. …The Resurrection isn’t the same thing as Heaven, and people don’t just die and temporarily cease to exist. Death feels more real than life for a Christian. And that’s why…the Kennedys…are and were so very angry. Because you’re going to be happy with Lem forever. And you’ll make him incredibly happy as you already do to some extent. But then what!? Where’s their reward? …They couldn’t accept that they simply made e or mistakes with their lives. …Treating him as a slave, embarrassingly forcing him to give oral sex and anal sex and make-out. Believing he was obsessed with them. Counting on his enduring worship. Only to find out he was secretly trying to kill the kids…hated them, especially Jack, and was genuinely heterosexual and smarter than them the whole time. That’s reality. And they couldn’t handle it.
I don’t force people to be happy because that’s not real happiness. If people don’t want to accept Heaven they don’t have to. Almost everyone wants to. And very rarely do people reject it with time. But there are exceptionally rare cases and unfortunately their extreme wealth and the extreme wealth and privilege of the US at time and their rare fame combined with their extreme evil in certain respects…created one of those highly unusable situations. People assume being extremely wealthy is a blessing…but when there’s poverty in the hearts of the rich and people are still poor elsewhere…it’s often a dangerous eternal position. And I recognize that and am compassionate. But I don’t control people. So when they chose, if they did, to reject humility and abandon my love for the advice of Satan who offered them revenge they took it. He offered to attack you…ruin several other people’s lives…damage hundreds more…and force Lem to be homosexual for real…and be happy about it. And…to restore their former glory. Possibly through one their immediate offspring or their grandchildren. He gave them a sense of urgent superiority over everyone.
Lem did try to break up Bobby’s relationships with women who he felt were likely to get hurt by him. He used excuses. And catered to their egos. But again, they can’t see that. And that’s where if I do let your family die…I want it to be clear that I’m doing that because of Bobby, should there an Illuminati. Specifically Bobby Kennedy Junior. He’s a murderer. And it’s GROSS how many people are fooled by him. Should there be an Illuminati they’re impotent fools who can’t handle their responsibilities to the world, to history and to themselves…and if I let you die…they can directly hold him responsible. Lem was trying to kill him for a reason and it’s no accident I may have to let Lem’s family die all at once…due to Bobby’s evil heart. But I will not let you all die piecemeal, if possible.
There’s nothing Satan can do to you once you’re dead. And Satan knows that. And that’s a main reason why I’ve struggled to let you die. He’s resorted to helping Heavenly angels out of fear of my impending wrath. He’s extremely scared of me in regard to you right now and will be until you and your descendants are all dead.
Suffice to say…you’re often right. You rarely analyze things incorrectly. You seem to have forgotten that, Lacey.” says God. “Or it’s been brainwashed out of you.”
Later.
“Why didn’t Jack ever seem to understand that you weren’t going to date women if you talked with him?” asks Bobby.
“We talked several times over the years. Once when we first started our friendship and once later that same year. Once at Princeton and once after World War II. And we frequently visited the topic a in the years after was married. …Why didn’t he ever seem to understand? Because he refused to. It’s as simple as that.
I’d tell him he was in the wrong, given my convictions, to date women. Because I felt that all men who were attracted to men should be with only men. And I felt there was no excuse for him to be with women at all. But…he insisted otherwise and also insisted he was really attracted to men like I was anyway. Of course…he wasn’t interested in my story about being abused because he felt that was different. I was attacked by an older man. He was merely a sexually adventurous man who was trying out a new way to be sexually satisfied. An older man was more serious because he likely knew what a real homosexual looked like, i.e. me. And…he felt I seemed gay, whereas he simply, again, was adventurous. I wasn’t gay to him? No. He hoped I was. He just refused to accept my explanation because a. He was in denial about his desires for men. and b. He found it fun to mock me and ask me questions about it because he loved playing dumb and feeling like he was really loved when I’d be his slave instead of leaving him, as he also knew I wanted to. I’ve explained this many times before.” says Lem.
Weird silence.
“What did he think homosexuality was?” asks a woman.
“A type of person. …He didn’t understand orientations, as a concept. He felt that homosexuality was a sort of weirdo doomed from birth to innate inferiority. And he simply couldn’t possibly be inferior! So…of course he wasn’t gay. OF COURSE! …He was straight AS AN ARROW. Wow! …But I wasn’t him. So I was allowed to be gay and of course MADLY in love with ONLY HIM…FOREVER!!!” Lem laughs. “And I STILL have to be or Bobby has a prissy little conniption fit and Caroline gets whiny and mad. And Joe assumes he’s Lord Kennedy, and he’s MOST…offended.”
“So YOU were the CLEAR homosexual? Because Jack couldn’t possibly be!!!” says a gay man.
“YES! …I could be. Because I had asthma and glasses. And I was annoying taller. …So if I was gay…my height lost to my asthma and yet…he could still lust after me safely without it being noticeable, he felt. He flirted…but he assumed it was never to be taken seriously. It was purely for his own benefit. Because if I had taken it seriously…he’d have lost his mind. Probably tried to kill me. …People have been SO bullshit. …So…I was expected to just smile and nod like an idiot essentially in response to him luridly ogling me and demanding oral sex on demand whenever he wanted. He was an absolute snake and total loser. He got to violently attack me psychologically with sexual assault every damn day. Getting high as a kite on my defilement as a man. Preening glee at his harassment of me and my uncomfortable grins. He knew I was uncomfortable but that was his choice. I was a real faggot and his lynching of me…was ALLOWED…because he was STRAIGHT. …He was willfully ignorant about why I chose to be with men. He brought it up to attack me. Call me a NIGGER! Like, ‘When are you gonna be a real man, BOY!?’ His sick laugh accompanying him. He was allowed to get off on me…because he was SPECIAL. And I was…only threatening to him in an imaginary world where he was sure nothing existed. Well…not really. He feared it did. But…he was determined to convince himself it didn’t.
Did he know I was straight? Yes. In part. But that’s where it was willful ignorance. Because I suppose he knew in a way why. …But he raped women and he enjoyed the thought of forcing himself on someone who didn’t want it anymore. Who made the mistake of thinking he was something else or they were quite different than they expected themselves to be.
What did he tell himself when I seemed disinterested? That he was the one who was being targeted somehow. That he was playing along to be nice and to be shrewd. …But I was just…being a real bitch. So…he’d put up with me…and I’d put up with him. All was fair! He was like many bisexual men. They want to have the best of homosexuality and the best of heterosexuality at the same time. And even though I was straight…I experienced the same feelings that many gay men have experienced in similar situations. …Listen…I was trapped…and I was also sure I was gay. …So…when I wasn’t interested…I just felt…like a loser or I felt Jack was…heartless and cruel. Why? Because he didn’t care about my feelings at all or how personal the whole thing was.
I don’t think you understand how HE posed us for sexual photos. HE did. And oftentimes he’d also write letters where I was given personality traits OF HIS. …He had a dirty mind. HE was too personal. I’ve never raped anyone. But he often did.
How did I cope with it? …I didn’t understand what was going on. I didn’t know I was really being attacked. I thought it was…exciting to hear about girls. Because I was sexually attracted to women. And yet thinking I was gay I didn’t have a chance to enjoy them. That’s why I read Playboy. I learned to enjoy hearing the stories of other men. …Not that I necessarily wanted those women…but I liked the thought of someone being able to enjoy that. Because I felt…close to being able to with someone myself almost then.
I was straight. I’m sorry.” says Lem.
Keen to Cross the Pond 