Lacey: Do you all, in the perfume community, think I’m poor?
The perfume community: No.
Lacey: Are there any caveats?
The perfume community: YES!!! Oh my god, yes!!!!
Lacey: Wow!
What are they?
The perfume community: You’re not rich. You’re technically rich. But you’re not impressive, at all.
I HATE YOU.
I’m SO SOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING SUPERIOR TO YOU! HOLY SHIT YOU’RE SHIT COMPARED TO ALMOST ALL OF US.
Lacey: Dang!
So how wealthy is the most wealthy person in the community?
The perfume community: *After some time.*
YES!
*Lacey waits*
Yes, we do.
*Lacey waits*
Ahh…$4 million net.
Lacey: I have a cousin worth $15. So…
That’s super cool.
How many of you are that wealthy?
The perfume community: That’s not your cousin!
Lacey: Nope. It is.
That’s Matt’s cousin too.
So how many of you are that wealthy?
The perfume community: About a dozen.
Lacey: Out of thousands and thousands of people?
The perfume community: Yes!
More than you have!!!
Geez!
*They laugh at her*
Lacey: Wow! So combined they’re worth $60 million. My father Tom was worth that much, or more.
The perfume community: Yeah.
Lacey: Do you comprehend what I’m saying?
The perfume community: *Thinks*
Yes!
You had a dad who was…super elite. But he’s dead now. So…who cares?
Lacey: Huh.
How much do you think the perfume community is worth, en aggregate?
The perfume community: $400,000,000.00.
Lacey: And that’s the total net worth of how many people world wide?
The perfume community: 8 million people.
Lacey: So that’s a net worth of $50?
The perfume community: *Thinks*
Lacey: If you divide $400 million by 8 million you get 50.
The perfume community: *Thinks*
You meant the whole community.
God: Those the numbers I provided.
The perfume community: *Shakes its head no*
Okay, see…I meant the popular people. On Instagram.
God: So that’s 2 million people. Now. It used to be far less. But I’m going to estimate it at about 2 million.
The perfume community: No. I mean people who have a big collection. Over 50 bottles.
God: Okay.
That’s 600,000 people.
The perfume community: Wow!
How much did Lacey-
So…-
Wow. 600,000 people!!?
God: Yes. And among those 600,000 we can whittle it down to 300,000 if we include an account with over 400 followers?
You’d be surprised by how many shy people there are. They collect bottles but they don’t post much. They seem…only vaguely interested in their gallery.
The perfume community: Let’s leave it at 600,000.
God: It was 200,000 in 2015. By the way.
The net worth is around $45 million. For all of them.
Lacey: So $75.
God: Yes.
Lacey: So there are many people with negative net worth?
God: YES! Over 40,000.
Lacey: How much is the most negative?
God: $200,000.00, not including their mortgage. Most of them are only $30,000.00 or so in the hole.
There are actually people worth more than $4 million. Whoever you’re talking to, is delusional. Or, the community as a whole, is delusional.
…Some people have a net worth of around $20 million. But they’re very quiet about it. And there’s only about two of them.
No. They’re not old money.
Listen to “Danse Macabre” by Saint-Saëns.
Lacey: So how many are 30,000 negative?
God: Five. But it all adds up.
Five are negative $30,000.00. One is negative $200,000.00. Most are negative far less. But they’re still in the hole. And it all adds up.
Lacey: How much is the oil in my family worth, at current rates?
God: $8 trillion. You have $8 trillion in the ground still.
Of course it’s in the ground, but…it’s around $8 trillion.
6:43
Lacey: So they’re weighing $45 million collectively gathered by 600,000 people…against $8 trillion!?!! IN OIL. …And they’re confident that they totally kick butt?
The song ends.
Listen to “In the Hall of the Mountain King” by Grieg.
God: Yes.
1:35
The perfume community: WE…WON!
2:18
The song ends.
Listen to “Toccata & Fugue in D Minor” by Bach.
Lacey: How did you win?
The perfume community: *Thinks*
When I stop and think about the numbers? Okay. I didn’t win.
Fine.
But when I stop and think about…the glory of the AMAZING community that’s left…doing their thing…I-
*They laugh, making-fun of Lacey*
I feel…sad. Because…we are filthy rich.
Lacey: How are you filthy rich? The numbers aren’t there.
The perfume community: Because.
The numbers…lie.
Listen to “The Power” by SNAP!.
God: How do you all figure that?
The perfume community: We have…drive.
We have…ambition.
We have…everything.
God: Then where is the money?
The perfume community: We have friends.
God: Anyone worth $8 trillion on American soil in oil?
The perfume community: No, but that’s worthless.
Lacey: How is it worthless?
The perfume community: Because it’s oil. In the ground.
If it was in a tanker? It would be worth something. But it still has to be drilled.
Lacey: Like in a ship on the Strait of Hormuz?
The perfume community: Yes.
You have the oil. Okay cool.
But none of you are in politics, like the Kennedys. All you do is ski.
Ski and…read books.
*They scoff*
You’re too nice to be impressive.
And you’re not evil enough either.
…I’m a bigger deal.
Lacey: So…you’re shaping the industry?
The perfume community: NO SHIT!
Yeah.
We have power.
I can walk into Oswald’s…in NEW YORK CITY…and I am recognized.
A man: Like Lee Harvey Oswald?
The perfume community: Yes?
A man: Isn’t that creepy?
The perfume community: No.
There are many coincidences. And they’re really just coincidences.
A man: You don’t think that’s weird though? The synchronization?
The perfume community: There is none! It’s just the same name!
A man: That’s not that common of a name, now.
Well, does Oswald’s know Lacey?
Like Lee Harvey Oswald knew JFK so well he at least appeared to have shot him?
The perfume community: No.
I mean…maybe they do?
She’s not actually that well known. Okay?
A man: But you are?
The perfume community: Yes.
I am.
We are.
The…pillars of the perfume community…are.
We can walk into any…reputable…respected perfumerie…and get damn good service.
*They laugh*
Listen to “The Power (Punch Mix)” by SNAP!.
The current perfume community struts. With a wind machine in the front. In suits. And heels. Shades. Lookin’ “fly”.
Casi: I’m HOTT!!!
*She laughs, in awe of herself*
Michelle: *Tries break dancing, but falls over on her side*
1:15
Glenn: It’s cool.
We cool.
They all straighten-up, stand tall and look…stupid…in some people’s cases…but…well organized and…well-groomed, regardless.
Jeremy: I’m in the Illuminati!!!
Hey guys, I’m in the real Illuminati!
*He waves and blows kisses, getting into a rented Bugatti.*
The Illuminati: We don’t know you.
When did we contact you!?!?
Jeremy: You called my mom.
You said, “You in the Illuminati now, boy!”
The Illuminati: I don’t recall that…
Jeremy: No. You did!
I’m sure you did!!!
*He gets in his Bugatti*
And at that he speeds off.
The perfume community claps and laughs.
A woman with extremely long hair and a strong chin: *Lifts her fists into the air to indicate victory*
Woohooo!!!!
*She looks extremely happy*
Glenn: WE KICK BUTT!!!
Listen to “Smooth Criminal” by Micheal Jackson.
Glen: MY THEME SONG!!!
The perfume community dances.
Several try to twerk. Some do so, successfully.
Casi: We did it guys!
We got rid of Lacey! After she tried to use us to be happy.
Let’s give each other a group hug.
TEAM SPIRIT!!!!
2:16
They all get together and embrace, warmly. Some high five.
3:22
Lacey stops the song.
Lacey: I was using you to be happy. Huh.
How so!?
Casi: You just…wanted friends. Like…something like friends?
EWW!
God: Why is that eww?
Casi: Because I’m not here to be loving to her.
*The perfume community nods*
Casi: I’m just living my life!
Give me a break!
God: But you didn’t have to be that loving!
Nick: Well…okay.
But…I don’t want to have to think and say something that’s actually thoughtful and nice. Not really. It’s too much work.
Especially for someone who’s never going to worship me. Dummy!
God: So it was too much to ask of you all…to just be polite and cordial?
The perfume community: *Nods*
Yes.
We have been…taken advantage of. Hoodwinked.
Because…I’m not here to make someone else happy. That’s not my job.
I’m here…to make MYSELF happy.
God: Huh.
Lacey: So…what currently makes you all happy?
The perfume community: We love each other!
None of us fight.
Lacey was the only evil person in the whole community.
So now that she’s gone? PARTY!!!
PARTAY!!!!!
*They clap hands, give high-fives and shake their butts.*
*More seriously* I’m loving a lot of new creations this fall.
Lacey: Cool!
The perfume community: Yeah.
God: How much have you all spent? Collectively?
The perfume community: *Shrug*
God: $30 million.
The perfume community: Out of 8 million people?
God: Yes!
You’ve bought a lot.
The perfume community: That’s wild.
Lacey: How much has the housing industry made this fall?
God:Billions.
The perfume community: Well.
Have fun in HELL, Lacey.
Lacey: I’m not going to Hell, Lord willing. You shouldn’t either.
The perfume community: You tricked us! You loser! You spy!!
Lacey: I was never really a spy. Certainly not in that way, regardless. I really do love perfume. And you can’t take that away from me.
The perfume community: You wanted…SEX!
Lacey: No, I did not.
The perfume community: WELL…we completely kicked your butt.
*They laugh*
Lacey: Do any of you own a manner house?
The perfume community: No.
None of us own a Bugatti either.
*They look sad*
Lacey: Are most of you not heterosexual?
The perfume community: Yes.
Lacey: Would you all like to own a real manner house?
The perfume community: No!
It’s too cheap lookin’.
I want…a chalet…in Gstaad.
*They throw their noses up in the air*
Lacey: Sounds delightful!
The perfume community: No! You don’t know about Gstaad. That’s not your idea!
I know about Gstaad. That’s ME.
I know that!!!
Lacey: You heard the entire thing on this blog.
The perfume community: OKay! FINE!!!
You lying Jewish whore!!!
Lacey: Nope.
Not me.
The perfume community: *Looks intoxicated*
It’s very simple.
Some of us have class.
Some of us…don’t.
I have class.
Lacey: What’s your favorite perfume right now?
The perfume community: *Sounding drunk*
Lulu’s Back In Town.
…Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Rose Magnitude…
Criminal Lipstick.
Tears.
YELLOW!!
*Someone cheers*
Heavy Bubblegum.
Okay?
*Looks cocky*
BODY HEAT!
*Someone else whistles*
COTTAGE WITCH.
Book Fair.
Sunset Hour Dark Peach.
Tales From Zanzibar GOLDEN Hour.
Kasey: What about Hotel Madness?
The perfume community: I haven’t heard of that one. *Sounds very impressed*
Kasey: What about Wild Strawberries…in the morning’s sunshine rays?
Theperfume community: What are the notes?
Kasey: Strawberry. Mandarin. Iris. Pink pepper. And marshmallow!
Eric: What if you had known how much the perfume community admired you? Would you have written what you did?
Lacey: No.
I have no idea…off the top of my head…what I would have done. There’s no preexisting template. Social media is new. Being sadistically copied…in that way…is new. Because it’s from a distance. I’m a celebrity. And it’s done because they can stare at photos of me…for hours. Examining every detail.
That’s why I wrote it. As a response to those weirdos. …It’s not excusable. I don’t care what insane excuses they’ve concocted over the years for why they were and are doing it.
Listen to “Supermarket Sweep” by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet.
Eric: It’s they went shopping for a new sense of self. And they chose you. …But we can’t do that. That’s actually insane. …You’re right.
We can improve ourselves. But we can’t be an entirely separate entity. And you OBVIOUSLY are. You OBVIOUSLY are not them. …I hope they’re aware of that.
Lacey: The cards were stacked against me.
What was I supposed to even do!?
…If I left back then…people would have been hurt. Apparently. …And it did feel way off to do that.
A Christian: I kind of think…you had to do what you did. And it’s sad…no one gets it yet. Or almost no one.
Why did you out yourself as old money?
Listen to “Fear” by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet.
Lacey: They were being psychologically violent. …Copying me the way they did was…CREEPY. It was a violation of me.
…I needed to psychologically fight back.
1:47
What I did wrong…was thinking I could still stay. …I needed to just…let it die.
Thru didn’t give a rip about me. As a community. Right? Not….really?
I needed to just let it go.
Eric: That’s very different than JFK.
If his ghost became a poltergeist…he had almost the exact opposite reaction. To the Illuminati.
Why…-
Are you sure no one cares? At all?
Lacey: *She shrugs*
I mean…they’ll get over me.
Eric: And then we’ll all just move on. Yeah, okay? But…what if you actually meant something to them?
Listen to “Meltdown” by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet.
Lacey: I highly doubt that.
Eric: No! I really think you did.
Lacey: They’ve forgotten about me already.
Eric: THEY HAVE…NOT.
Lacey: *I laugh*
Whatever.
They’ll get over it.
Eric: But you’d never think your kids would feel that way?
Lacey: NO! But those are my kids.
These are just…random adults. I mean nothing to these people on a deep level. Right?
Eric: Yeah?
I dunno.
I kinda think they are just…depressed.
Lacey: Why?!
Eric: Because…you were…uplifting.
Before you wrote what you did on your blog, you were uplifting. You felt…edifying and yet kinda cool.
Lacey: They actually wanted that?
Eric: You remind me of Charlotte York, and Cheyenne from “Superstore”. …You’re secretly fierce. But…-
Casi is Dina.
I think…on Instagram…Dina could get…overly jealous of Cheyenne. And…lash out.
And Dina…could obsessively copy someone. Think about it! She’s…intense. …In an unhealthy state…she could get way too intense.
But both Charlotte and Cheyenne…have an overly- I shouldn’t say overly. They’re…chill. …They’re both phlegmatic. Not…psychopathic, phlegmatic. And I think…Dina wants that. On social media. She wants to seem…Chanel. Cool, collected, and elegant. …But Dina is…Dina. …And…you became WAY too…detached.
Let’s take a break.
*They take a quick break*
Dina was trying to aggravate you. Because…you are truly phlegmatic. And the perfume community is in denial about that. …No, you’re not a narcissist. You’re a tough as nails phlegmatic.
Do you like yelling? I mean, when you do…it’s scary. But do you actually like it?
Lacey: NO!
I do it to survive.
Eric: Can you get flustered?
Lacey: Yes.
But…I prefer being calm.
Eric: Did Chanel No. 22…truly embody you? Or…had you secretly given-up on perfume genuinely being you?
Lacey: The latter.
Eric: Yeah.
And I think you forgot.
Lem was phlegmatic too. So is your husband.
I’m more melancholic.
But phlegmatic isn’t the same as not actually caring…
You’re just so truly chill.
…So now they’re all confused. Because…you just…walked.
*He laughs*
You literally just said…”Huh!”…when Dina demanded full control of the community. Or…more dominance. With this…nonchalant half smile. And then sweetly…and quickly…just…left. No explanation.
…I get it. But…they’re expecting a Sagittarius, so to speak. …These people were secretly waiting for…drama.
And there is none.
Do you…feel bad?
Lacey: YES.
Eric: Yeah.
But there’s nothing you can do?
Lacey: *Thinking*
They don’t want me?
Eric: Well…-
What if…they do…but…they’re not in a place to express that?
Lacey: Well…if they don’t want to express that? I mean…I can’t assume they’re really that interested.
All I heard was hate. And resentment. And…hurt feelings. And…hate.
They are still copying me. Gossiping about me. But…-
Eric: …But what if that’s all they can express right now?
Lacey: *Thinks*
*Looks stumped*
Listen to “Lux Aeterna” by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet.
God: See…she’s way too resilient. As a phlegmatic.
People who aren’t as attractive, or as kind…have stolen from her. Since she was a child. Like Casi. Insisting she’s “the weirdo” while it’s really them. Violently insisting she’s A FREAK for just wanting…common human acceptance. Not even friendship. Because she’s so genuinely phlegmatic.
And…with my mercy…she’s been fine. Everyone has been fine. …But the Illuminati has demons after her, constantly. Inspiring delusions everywhere she goes.
Like, “No. She’s being quiet because she’s coming up with something evil. She’s not just calm.”
Or, “She’s being calm…and looking pretty…because she’s being seductive! BE WARNED!! She’s SEXUALLY PROMISCUOUS.”
Or, “NO! She’s not just pretty and sweet. …There’s something ugly. Somewhere. Just LOOK.”
Matt committed suicide. They’re VICIOUS.
Listen to “Summer Overture” by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet.
God: …Some people see through it. And reject it. But…too often…people don’t.
Lem had the same experience. People are still demonically confused about him.
See…they’re both…very…calm. And…to be honest, America is an anxious nation. At the heart of it, is consumerism. It’s a sales technique. Provoke people…and then use that to make money.
It’s…an interesting idea. …Not everyone who does it is necessarily totally evil-hearted. Some men…in the last century…saw it as a way to create equality. All people are…victims of the same tricks. All people have anxieties. Everyone is a consumer, or almost everyone.
But…it’s not Christian. It can be used by Christians. But…it’s not Christianity.
And…Lem was made to be a Christian leader. Calm, loving, strong…enduring…patient…and brave. Insightful. Wise. Complex. …Mysterious to all who don’t truly know him. I can use that. …But he lost his moorings. As a young teen. …He almost completely imploded. As a man. But…he is with me. Not in Hell.
His strength…in America…became a weakness. Sadly. Because…he was too smart. Too calm. Too…brave. Too…complex. Too…defiant of control.
Listen to “Ghosts” by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet.
God: He imploded.
A heterosexual, loving man. But everyone thinks he’s one of the most famous gays to ever live.
It’s…horrific.
…And now Lacey…is supposed to sort it all out. Because she’s being sadistically attacked.
Obviously…I can’t stand for it.
Listen to “Hope Overture” by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet.
Eric: What’s she supposed to do with the perfume community?
God: She can’t save them.
And no…the Kennedys are WAY too poor nowadays to hire armed guards.
*God laughs, but not unkindly*
She needs to be safe. And she is, so far. But it’s lost. I’m sorry. It’s lost.
Praying? Yes! But…that’s it.
Lacey: How much would armed security cost? To defy the President.
God: Wow.
$100,000,000.00? For a month? So for two years? $2.4 billion.
The unfortunate truth is that the Kennedys themselves are under the same delusion, too often. Some genuinely believe they’re significantly wealthier than Elon Musk. …They’ve actually never been that wealthy. …At their peak they were worth around $2 billion.
They’ve never had enough money to guard the Kennedy Center from the U.S. government.
A Pastor: I don’t think some people think any of these things through.
God: Yes.
Lacey: True.
God: …They Nesheims are scary…because they’re not trying to fit in. They made a fortune in NORWAY. Selling silver. …And…it’s OIL.
…It’s not Merchandise Mart. It’s not…chemicals. …It’s not even coal. It’s OIL.
A Millennial Nesheim: That actually is scary. When I think about it from their perspective.
*She smiles, empathetically, in a Scandinavian way.*
*She thinks.*
The CIA: We know you’re mostly all good people. Smart people. Very rational. Resilient. But…we can’t easily control you.
A Millennial Nesheim: Why do you need to? We’re not…irrational. Right?
The CIA: True.
A Millennial Nesheim: Why do you need to?
The CIA: Because-
*Looks openly terrified*
Your family is connected to a lot of other people’s oil. You’re at the epicenter.
And…that is GOOD oil.
We NEED that.
If you all…pulled the plug?
*They look nervous*
Dennis: No! I understand.
The CIA: We-
Man!
We’re not Scandinavians.
And…we live in New York City. And we’re…driven. Ambitious. …Your culture…has not been that understood. You all keep to yourselves, and just go around intimidating people. You scare us SHITLESS.
And we are already on edge.
Dennis: Why?
The CIA: Russia.
The Middle East.
So many things…
We know you’re stable people. But…you’re just scary.
Dennis: So it’s not just about the money and drilling? It’s about being able to assume you have access to our oil?
The CIA: Yes. It’s a strategic consideration. We can’t avoid it.
Dennis: Why didn’t you contact me?
The CIA: *Laughs*
You’re scary.
Mark was terrifying.
Dennis: Seriously?
The CIA: HB was…-
Ed?
Your family is genuinely scary.
You’re not…violent. Obviously. But you’re not going to be controlled.
The character Tommy Noris was inspired by Bradley. And Toddy.
And Demi Moore looks a little like Lacey.
We…-
Bethany: Was Ali Lartner chosen because she looks like us?
The CIA: Yes. They’re all kind of inspired by you all.
The perfume community: So!!! They’re like The Great Gatsby?
Listen to “Cleaning Apartment” by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet.
The CIA: No.
Lacey: Where did you get that from?
The perfume community: *They think*
Because you were poor…and now you’re frighteningly rich?
The CIA: They were never poor people.
They were never poor people.
The perfume community: *Looks confused*
A Pastor: You guys get really stuck on that.
Any idea why?
Listen to “The Power (Dub)” by Snap!.
The perfume community: *Thinks*
I just-
I feel like-
*They think*
1:05
I dunno.
*They smile to themselves. Laugh.*
I’m…-
Ahh-
*They think*
1:52
*They sigh.*
2:08
*They lay back. Seem to be considering something.*
2:36
*The song plays.*
2:58
God: YES?
The perfume community: *Smiles*
3:25
Well…-
3:50
God: YES!?!
The perfume community: *Thinks*
*Smirks*
4:20
*Smiles to themselves*
4:36
The song ends.
Lacey: I give-up?
God: YES!
Do you have any ideas?
Lacey: Two.
They’re being controlling. To a sadistic degree.
And…they are totally lying. They’re very skilled liars. They actually are somewhat impressed and they’re being cruel about it.
Or…they’re…out of it.
Listen to “I’m Every Woman” by Chaka Khan.
Lacey: They believe the Kennedys are gazillionaires. And they don’t think this is a real rich person house:
Lacey’s neighbor: YES!
I think anything under $7 million…in California…is poor to them.
Lacey: That’s LUDICROUS.
Lacey’s neighbor: Except…you have to consider their perspective.
Lacey: Which is what?
Lacey’s neighbor: *Winces*
You know we have a nice house!
Okay…-
I don’t think they do.
Lacey: I know.
The song starts over.
Lacey’s neighbor: *Thinks*
Okay, but that’s not what I mean though.
Lacey: No. It’s the same.
They don’t know.
Lacey’s neighbor: *Thinks*
BUT WHY DON’T THEY KNOW!?
Lacey: *Is losing ability to control her distractions.*
*Sighs*
Umm…-
*She intently considers it.*
I don’t know!
Lacey’s neighbor: Who picked this song?
Eric: AI.
Lacey’s neighbor: Very funny.
*He smiles*
Listen to “Danse Macabre” by Camille Saint-Saëns as performed by the London Symphony Orchestra.
Lacey’s neighbor: I’m not funny.
This is horrifying.
And there’s nothing I can do!
*He thinks*
LACEY!!! …They’re POOR.
Lacey: Are they really though!?
Lacey’s neighbor: AHH…YEAH!!!!
Lacey: They don’t look poor.
Lacey’s neighbors: Okay!
But…you’re losing your hair!
Lacey: It’s stress.
Yes.
Lacey’s neighbors: Okay.
Your wig looks good.
Lacey: Does it?
Lacey’s neighbors: Well…-
Yeah?
I mean…it’s too dark.
But…-
Anyway, I’m not gonna lie. I’m jealous of that hair. It’s perfect hair.
…But…-
That’s their plan. Just to always wear a wig. Online.
God: That’s very condescending. But you’re right.
Lacey: *Thinks*
It’s that bad?
Lacey’s neighbors: *Laugh*
I kinda think so.
Lacey: They had me fooled.
I’m not fully able to believe you.
Lacey’s neighbors: So you were truly just standing-up for yourself.
Lacey: Do you even know that?
*Looks sad*
Anyway…-
Huh.
Maybe that’s true.
A Pastor: And you all can’t completely tell?
The CIA: No.
We know something. But…some people didn’t want her to know. For personal reasons.
Bill: I know who that is!
The CIA: Yeah.
They didn’t want to make her…feel…”empowered”.
Lacey: So…they’re actually struggling?
Casi (?): ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?
The CIA: Yes.
They’ve been begging us to keep it quiet.
Casi (?): That’s OUR business. Not BOBBY’S!
The CIA: Yeah.
Fair.
A male reader: *Snickers*
He got very personally involved.
Why doesn’t that seem suspicious to all of you?!??
The CIA: *Sighs*
Well…-
We have to be smart.
It is suspicious.
A female reader: Why are the Trumps going after the Kennedy Center?
The CIA: *Laugh*
I think…Donald…is tired of babysitting Bobby.
And it’s not in good shape.
A female reader: Do they resent it?
The CIA: Yes.
A lot of powerful families do!!!
…They are a meaningful group of people? The Kennedys. But…it is really irritating.
Some families donated TRILLIONS. And they’re…nowhere near as celebrated. It’s…irritating.
A female reader: Yeah.
So…-
*Thinks*
The CIA: You need to try to understand.
A female reader: Can they rename it something we all like?
The CIA: Yeah?
What though?
A female reader: The…-
The John Quincy Adams Center?
Lacey: I like that!
A female reader: Or…the…Ella Fitzgerald Center?
Lacey: I LOVE IT!
*Later*
Lacey’s neighbors: Lacey, they’re determined to think you’re poor…because they are.
Lacey: I don’t get it. What’s the strategy?
Lacey’s neighbors: Okay, so…-
*They cry*
Do you know why I’m crying?
Lacey: No.
Can you illuminate me? About them!
Lacey’s neighbors: *Thinks*
It just makes them feel better.
Lacey: That’s-
I’m not okay with that. That’s my identity. Not theirs.
Lacey’s neighbors: If they didn’t copy you…would you care?
Lacey: They’re really that heartless. And conceited. And arrogant. And incredibly ignorant.
An older woman: I bet that’s what’s happening. And they’re actually angry at you for pointing out how insane they are. Because no woman renting a house in rural Tennessee for $1,000 a month…is your equal. That’s INSANE. But I truly think they’re that crappy.
Lacey: That’s insanity.
An older woman: Yes.
But I genuinely wonder if they’re medically mentally-ill. And you’re…bursting actual psychotic delusions.
Lacey’s neighbor: But why would they be doing that?
An older woman: Because they’re losing their minds.
Lacey is old money. And I think you all sense that. But instead of respecting it…you fight it. Tooth and nail. Not because you’re sensitive and caring, but because you’re…going insane.
I think it’s the economy. I think it’s…a feeling of hopelessness. Despair. …I think it’s easier to villainize her and attack her…than to adjust to the reality of living in the world today.
You don’t seem to be able to handle her…existence. Do you realize that!?
A man: That’s scary.
An Older woman: Why is it easier when she leaves the U.S.? No, not online. In reality.
It’s not what you all keep insisting.
You’re all going insane.
Stop gaslighting her. You’re snubbing her, even if it’s actually batshit crazy.
A Christian woman: I’m sorry, but I’m worried this is true.
Why are we doing this?
An older woman: Because!
You’re angry as hell!
You’re tired. Exhausted, actually. And she’s not. At least, not in the same way. She’s possibly far more exhausted, but…it’s different.
Lacey: Would they be nicer if I was actually better dressed?
An older woman: *Thinks*
Yes.
Lacey: *Thinks*
An older woman: They’re exhausted.
They need something…very perfect. And showy. Because that entertains them… Or…something they can relate to.
Lacey’s neighbors: Yeah, I don’t know!
I think we’re sad.
But-
I think they’re full of it. I don’t think they’re being sincere.
An older woman: Well, you could be right. I just wonder…
*Later*
An older woman: I really am lying. I didn’t know what you were going to say. But I had a feeling it was…mean. And I was…completely out of my mind.
Do you believe that?
Lacey: No.
People really may be that…overly confident in their own wealth.
An older woman: You seriously think Casi thought she was genuinely wealthier than you!?
Lacey: WHAT…THE HELL…DO YOU ASSHOLES WANT!?
*She fumes*
YOU LIE!!!!! You PASSIONATELY LIE. You STEAK YOUR LIVES ON IT. You SWEAR!!!! …THAT is how you come across to me.
I’m not CRAZY, you old stupid cow.
You LIE. You all LIE!!!
How am I supposed to know!?!?!?
YES!! I think it’s entirely possible Casi thought she was a lot wealthier. Or her family was. Or…she had better teeth. Or something.
You’re WRONG.
An older woman:How?
Lacey: Why not?
An older woman: Because it’s obvious.
Lacey: Are you lying right now or not?
An older woman: Telling the truth.
Lacey: Are you sure? I’m going to hold you to this. So if you’re just being a troll…you’ll have to save it.
An older woman: Telling the truth.
Lacey: What’s specifically impossible about it? You do the thinking!
An older woman: Her hair. It’s done by her mother.
Lacey: So what??–
An older woman: You can’t just say “So what?”
Lacey: Let me explain!
…
*Eye rolls*
I would do that! It’s cost effective! It means nothing.
An older woman: She just has less money…
Lacey: Yes. But could she fool herself into thinking otherwise?
An older woman: You’d have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool you!
*She rolls her eyes*
Yes! Fine.
*She rolls her eyes*
I just think-
Lacey: No. I think some people could be that delusional.
I really do.
An older woman: Then why do you think everyone is going insane?
Lacey: I don’t know.
I don’t even know if this is what’s happening.
But I haven’t been able to rule it out.
An older woman: Then what does she tell herself when you post a $10,000.00 ring?
Lacey: *Laughs*
Hold on.
She says, “My car is worth that much! It’s a Mercedes! And my mother gave it to me!”
And then she rolls her eyes and scoffs. Because an expensive car is more wasteful and luxurious than a timeless piece of jewelry.
An older woman: But you have a $70,000.00 car, new.
Lacey: So!? She’s not necessarily going to know that or think of it.
An older woman: You seriously think a woman on food stamps could become that overly confident?
Lacey: Yes.
You’d be surprised what some people can concoct. Really!
An older woman: And yet everyone thinks you’re the one concocting things…
Lacey: Yup.
An older woman: I agree with your neighbor. But…I don’t know how to argue against what you’re saying.
Lacey: Why are you so sure he’s right?
An older woman: *Looks angry*
I’m not angry. Don’t assume that!
*Looks defensive*
I just…-
I think older people-
I’ve watched-
I’m 73. And I think…in all my years…I’ve met two people who were that overly confident.
*She scoffs*
People can’t be serious when they’re acting that stupid.
*She shrugs*
Lacey: So you lied…and she’s acting stupid…but I’m the bad person? I’m the dumb one?
An older woman: *Rolls her eyes and walks off in a huff*
*Comes back*
You think she’s that stupid!? I’m her third cousin. And I know her! And I know she’s not a person who would honestly believe she was superior in that way.
You can’t be serious!?
Lacey: So you’re a cheap, lying floozy? From a crack den? Or what?
An older woman: No.
Lacey: You’re a racist white prostitute?
An older woman: No!!
YOU BITCH!!
Lacey: *Claps to mock her*
Oh my word.
Why do you even care!? Isn’t she a thief? Didn’t one of you call the cops on her when she stole a credit card from one of you?
An older woman: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
You STALKER!
Lacey: She told me that. Probably to scare me.
In 2015.
An older woman: *Looks nervous*
NO! We are not like that.
Lacey: Why are you defending her? That’s odd.
SO odd! That’s a HUGE overreaction.
An older woman: Okay. Well.
She’s had problems.
Her parents couldn’t get their acts together.
Lacey: So you’re following…around a 50-something old woman…defending her bar fights!? *Says Lacey laughing.*
An order woman: *Shrugs*
She’s a nice lady!
Lacey: *Laughs*
Wow!
Hmm.
That’s nice you care so much.
An older woman: *Looks awkward*
Lacey: She really seems has delusional. …I’m sorry!
An older woman: Well…-
Lacey: Are other people in your family like that?
An older woman: *Looks awkward*
Lacey: I bet they are.
Does that embarrass you?
An older woman: *Looks awkward*
Lacey: *Smiles*
Do you think they’re insane?
An order woman: No.
I think…people can get…carried away. And confused.
How do you know you’re not one of us!?
Lacey: Because I have facts. I have actual facts on my side. …And I’m not like that…
An older woman: You didn’t make up anything?
Lacey: No. I did not.
I’m not like some people. But…I am old money.
An older woman: Don’t you have to be be super rich?
Lacey: No.
You know I’m not lying.
An older woman: *Looks away*
Lacey: I actually think what you said could be true. Somewhat.
An older woman: *Looks sad and angry*
Lacey: People…can be determined to believe that they have it all. Or have more than they do. …They have egotistical reasons, but they may also just want to be happy.
Lacey’s neighbor: Okay.
So I think they all wanted to believe they were happy.
Lacey: *Thinks*
Huh.
Now we’re getting somewhere…
No! That makes sense!
The CIA: Go on?
Lacey: That’s why they were so bizarrely competitive! …To them the perfume was about life fulfillment. Not just…art or collecting. It was…very meaningful to them.
A man in Europe who collects perfume: YES!!!
Lacey: Well…shoot.
So you guys don’t have a buffer? That’s like…your life, almost?
A man in Europe: Yes.
The amount of time and money I have spent on perfume? Yes. It’s…very costly.
Lacey: So you felt scared by what I said?
A man in Europe: *Thinks*
In what way?
Lacey: It felt…like…a weirdo loudly yelling crazy stuff at a country club? Deeply unsettling.
A man in Europe: *Smirks*
A Black female perfume collector: You know what though? She’s right.
Yes. It did!
Lacey: No. That makes sense.
*She thinks*
A Christian man: I don’t get it.
Lacey: So…I have…an edge, in perfume collecting. Because of my privileges.
And I think…sporadically, it actually felt…disconcerting to some people. Mostly men.
A Christian man: Men?
Lacey: Yes.
I think they felt…uncomfortable. Because they were really proud of themselves.
A Christian man: In what way?
Lacey: Like they’d worked really hard. As like…an accountant. And bought a $250 bottle of perfume. But they didn’t have my advantages and so they weren’t as…impressive, to be honest. …And…I think it just felt weird to them.
A Christian man: Weird how!?
Lacey: They’re men. And…I’m unusually smart. And I’m a feminine woman. …I think it just felt weird. And no, I don’t mean their egos, entirely at least. No! …It’s more like…”Why am I not the one who seems…like the leader?” …More like I emasculated them. But not in the typical feminist narrative way. …No. I’m not saying they felt threatened. It’s more like they felt…weirded-out.
A Christian: Why weirded out?
Lacey: Because it was out of left field? It just felt…off? Not like it was impossible? More like…it just felt…strange.
A Christian: Did you think they’d feel less uncomfortable if you said you were old money?
Lacey: Yes!!! I did also think of them.
A Christian: Were they “bros”?
Lacey: Yes???
A Christian: So the bros got offended? Sounds about right.
Did any man ever tell you to smile more in your photos?
Lacey: Yes.
More than once.
A Christian: And then what?
Lacey: They were just part of the problem. So to speak. They…were just the ones who were openly uncomfortable.
But almost everyone felt…slighted. Or…uncomfortable. Or something.
Because of my old money.
And eventually…it just bubbled over. And I was driven to say something on my own behalf.
…I think…most people had to work to buy their perfume. The fact that I didn’t have to? And…my tone. And…my photography? …It was…too old money.
Maybe if I’d been more glamorous? Maybe. But…I wasn’t. And I think it made them question too much.
God: Like what?
Lacey: …The point of working? The point of…so many things.
And where I would hope people would just decide to be deep, I think they just felt depressed. Like, “Why can’t I be that?” Then the ugly answer. And then, “Life is unfair.”
And…maybe because it was so meaningful to them? It was just…too…dark. Because the perfume community was their safe space. Their very personal safe space.
Not like a real family. No. But…personal.
The CIA: You didn’t feel that?
Lacey: No.
I’m old money.
When we collect, it’s to collect.
You could get close to other collectors. But it takes time. It’s not…easy.
Shoot.
A male collector: We couldn’t handle you.
I’m sure we lied.
But…how is it any different than if Casi broke into your cousin’s old money country club…and started yelling? Drunk? At 7PM?
Lacey: Why is she yelling?
A male collector: Because she’s in a fight with her husband. A bad fight! And she can’t keep it quiet in public.
Lacey: He texted her?
A male collector: Something like that!
Lacey: *Thinks*
Crud.
*Thinks*
What would I do? I’d be shocked.
I’d feel empathy. Second-hand embarrassment.
…And then I’d expect her to be removed. Or to remove herself.
A male collector: You weren’t that offensive, on second thought.
But…-
Would you have been shocked to be stabbed? In public?
Lacey: No.
A male collector: That’s interesting.
No, for real.
Imagine a safe space. Where is it? Be brutally honest.
Lacey: Alone with my family. In a dark room. In 1880’s Great Britain. In our house. With only trusted staff present in the house. People I know. Good people.
A male collector: *Thinks*
I think…you deeply upset people. But I truly don’t think you meant to.
Lacey: I still can’t entirely understand why. But…I will someday.
A male collector: So…yeah. It was too personal.
We weren’t prepared.
Why do you think everyone is so taken aback? When they read your blog?
Lacey: I don’t know.
Tell me something. Today I toured a $560,000.00 open house. It was nice.
I wore a Brooks Brothers white cotton sweater, and Brooks Brothers jeans. Mon Guerlain.
The realtor…made a snide comment about my shoes. They were a pair of Tory Burch slides.
She lifted up another woman’s shoes, and right in front of me said, “OH! You have such cool shoes! …I love your shoes!!!” And it was weird. And the woman seemed totally confused. And then it hit me later that she was trying to insult my shoes. Or, at least, it was likely what she was subversively doing. It…felt like that.
…Why did she feel the need to insult my shoes? And the way she said it…it was like I was super proud of my shoes. And she thought it was totally laughable. …I was not taking those shoes that seriously. …It just fit with my outfit.
A male perfume collector: You wore Mon Guerlain?
Lacey: YES. It’s almost timeless.
A male perfume collector: How curvy are you?
Lacey: …Why?
A male perfume collector: Okay.
On Gwenyth Paltrow…it works. The lines. Tory Burch slides seem…classic. With a classic white sweater and classic jeans.
But…on a curvy woman? It reads differently.
Lacey: What does it look like?
A male perfume collector: It looks…like you care about the shoes.
Lacey: WHY!?
A male perfume collector: Worn with a dress? It works. If you’re curvy. …But…with the outfit you wore? Your curves are drawing too much attention to your feet. Think about it!
Lacey: Oh my gosh!
I’m not used to be this size.
I was so skinny until my mid 30’s.
I’m not fat. But I’m comfortable in a size 10 right now.
I may try to lose weight.
But…for the time being…what shoes do you think would make sense?
A male perfume collector: Don’t wear sandals. Unless you’re going for a very casual look or it suits the lines. Sandals are sloppy.
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