Lacey: I’m going to have to invent a new aesthetic. On every level.
I’ve been doing old money farmhouse chic. In every facet of my life, aesthetically. …I’m not sure I can anymore.
Casi: Is that the filter I have all of my photos in?
Matt: Yes.
Dennis: What is this about?
Chris: Seay slaves.
Steve is still trying to hold on to them. In his subconscious.
Billings are related to Seays, in Tennessee.
Casi: One of the Casi people are from Tennessee.
Chris: Yes. And she has had a haunted-
No. She’s had a husband with my name.
Casi: *laughs*
Steve: What!?
Chris: Her husband’s name is Chris. *to Steve*
Lem: *to Steve*
I stabbed Jack in the back. I assassinated him.
She really is my wife in Heaven, and as a Christian you know that, and somehow things got really twisted in your head. And I think you started thinking that she was gonna stab you in the back. Because you’re a fan of JFK?
And we’re actually distantly related…and we ran the Underground Railroad and you did not, you had slaves…and you got rid of some of them, but you actually were significant slave holders. …I’m sorry to say that Silas was working with both sides.
He was working with the slave owners, and occasionally he would do some dirty work for them, finding the slaves who were trying to escape. And then occasionally, he would look the other way and actually help the escaping slaves. …He was not a simple person.
And I’m actually related to him, as well.
Stephen, I look like you. I also look like your sons. Do you see the resemblance?
Your father was not a stupid man either…and you know that, but I think you’ve underestimated how complicated you actually are too.
And I’m sorry if this embarrasses you. But no, you can explain it however you want, like with Becca‘s Charismatic Christianity, but you picked-up on the fact that that I’m real…and that Lacey is my wife in Heaven. And that we, on my mother’s side, were up north, in our family. And that we don’t agree with you folks Down South.
One of Lacey’s neighbors: You owned slaves? Starting in the 1700’s?
Lem: They did.
They were the country gentry.
Lacey: A lot of white people who had money back then had black slaves. In the South it was a way of life.
A black woman, who descended from slaves: Yeah. You were the owners and we were the property.
Lacey: Isn’t that something!?
A black woman who descended from slaves, in the perfume community: I just don’t think about it.
Lacey: See…I couldn’t help but think about it.
If I was you.
A black man in the community: I think about it!
Lacey: Yeah! It’s just ugly!
A black man in the community: *looks angry*
*later*
I’ve been watching season three of The Simpsons. You are that…Scottish…person?
Lacey: If there’s reincarnation? PROUDLY.
A black man in the community: But he’s not an aristocrat.
Lacey: We didn’t work it out that way. Originally. We fought.
A black woman: So…you worked hard to sort it out?
Scotland: *nods*
They’re supposed to be honorable. OR ELSE.
*a moment later*
God: Were you going somewhere with that?
Several black people in the perfume community: I feel guilty.
I was going to make fun of her.
Ilhan Omar: How?
The black people: I was thinking she was dumb. Or poor. Or ugly.
Ilhan Omar: And?
The black people: And so…I was waiting for my punchline. And it never arrived.
Ilhan Omar: Sounds like you got conned.
The black people: *fake laughs*
Are you and Lacey friends?
Lacey: Maybe?
What’s it to you?
The black people: I’m BLACK.
Lacey: Oh REALLY??
The black people: FUCK YOU!!! *they yell at Lacey*
Lacey: What!? You have a problem with Somalia!??
The black people: Are you Somalian?
Lacey: Actually…I wonder if there’s reincarnation…if Ancient Egyptians fled to Somalia. So in a way, yes. Possibly. Or they’re me.
Or rather, they’re my people.
Actually, truthfully, I worry that I’ve gotten them in trouble. They were having problems already, but I worry that I’ve gotten them in trouble by being their friend.
Ilhan Omar: Me too.
Lacey: Are you guys too poor and shitty, to be able to handle history, in this state? *she says to a white gang in Minnesota of poor people who made it rich*
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Yeah we’re offended because you’re a snobby bitch and you refuse to put up with our shit and just let us take over. So we targeted Somalians. Because we’re friends with the governor, and we don’t appreciate the fact that you don’t put up with that shit.
A Somalian: So you’re trying to be racist, because you assumed that she would look the other way if you used us as your punching bag. As another white person.
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Yes.
Lacey:  You are the same people who tried to harm my father, aren’t you, essentially? 
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Yes. You piss us off with your genetic superiority.
We came from the shit part of Germany, you came from the knights who defended our ass, but we ain’t gotta fuck around with that shit no more, cause we got Satan fucking our ass now.
Lacey: Nope.
Why don’t you just punish the bad Somalians…who are actually breaking the law…and then leave the rest alone?
Or are you too screwed-up?
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: No!
We are!
We raided Ilhan…but we didn’t arrest her.
Lacey: She seems nice.
A lot of them do.
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Yeah, okay.
They’re kinda stuffy.
Lacey: I find them refreshing.
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Okay. Well. When they’re not breaking the law…maybe they are.
Lacey: I worked with them. At Macy’s. In the housewares department. They were…so…-
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Straight?
Lacey: Yes. And decent.
I could laugh with them. And talk.
They weren’t jerks.
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Did they try to date you?
Lacey: They were too…proper. It’s possible…one of them may have considered it. But…we had a working relationship. …They were such nice people.
They are a blast to work with.
Putin: I echo that experience.
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Well, not everyone is having that experience.
Lacey: They’re my age. The people I knew.
Like Ilhan.
Maybe the newer immigrants aren’t as…well-bred?
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Possibly.
Sadly.
Lacey: Sad.
Yeah, that was over ten years ago.
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: No, it’s not like that as much?
I mean, we have a real problem.
But I hear you.
Lacey: We can’t have another George Floyd.
Involving Somalians?
We have to stop being evil. We’ll starve to death. Or die in some other horrible way. OR…we’ll be waiting for a nuclear war…without moral outrage to keep us warm.
Except, yes. We do have a problem.
Ilhan Omar: Just stop harassing me. Just stop harassing me, as an individual, to make a point.
Lacey: Unless she needs to be warned. Because she’s doing something evil that you can’t hold her accountable for, legally.
But if that’s not the case, then you should stop.
A white Christian in Minnesota: She’s right. You should.
A Hispanic: Are you guys controlled by the Jews?
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: By the same Jews who killed Benjamin Guggenheim?
A Hispanic: Yeah…
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: If I’m controlled by any Jews? Yes.
They killed Benjamin Guggenheim!?
Dimitry: Are you sure you’re getting fucked by Satan!?
Benjamin Guggenheim: Yes.
I was stabbed in the back by my own people.
David Schiebel: That’s EVIL!! *he yells*
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Did we put her father in prison?
Ben: Yes.
STOP.
Stop while you’re still ahead. PLEASE.
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: OR WHAT!?
Ben: DEATH!!!
Suffering!!
Parasites. Plagues.
STOP!!
Lacey: Actually, I worry that there could be an earthquake in Seattle or California and that it’ll affect you more than me.
The white New Money gang in Minnesota: Why?
Satan: We don’t have any sexual relations. Just to clarify.
Look…she has money.
…If there’s an earthquake in Seattle…you’ll have to absorb the shock. Far more.
Don’t fuck around and find out.
*later*
Bobby: So.
We are at a crossroads.
*he gets distracted*
WE HAVE FOUND THE HOLY GRAIL.
Cheryl Hines.
*he gets distracted*
I am…not Bart Simpson.
Cheryl, however, is Lisa. Yes, the Holy Grail…is Lisa Simpson.
*gets distracted*
I AM…HIGH.
*he laughs*
Yes, the Somalians are attacking us. To destroy the Kennedy Center. …Why? …I don’t know.
*he gets distracted*
I have…a lot to announce.
The Somalians are attacking us. They want to-
*he gets distracted*
THEY WANT TO MAKE MEN WORSHIP ALLAH!!
The Kennedy Center is a great place to…worship Jesus. So…they hate me. And my family.
The Illuminati: Your family isn’t famous for the Kennedy Center.
Bobby Kennedy: Yes. It was famous.
It’s a famous center for the performing arts.
Am I gay? Ha! Well…-
I come from a family of artists.
My Uncle Jack was a painter. My son is a cinematographer.
*he laughs*
Taylor Swift almost married into our family. She felt very at home with us.
We are…very artistic.
I am married to…a thespian.
*he laughs*
You know Peter Lawford? …MY UNCLE!
The black people: *look confused*
Bobby: The Somalians…are…attacking art.
It’s an attack…ON ART.
And Satan…is defending them. …And sexually rejecting Tim Walz.
Tim Walz: I’ve never tried to sleep with Satan.
*hiding laughter*
Bobby: Oh yeah right!
Steve: I don’t-
Bobby, are you really high?
*he sounds concerned*
Bobby: YES!
Cheryl said it was okay. As long as I didn’t leave the house.
Steve: What are you on, tonight?
Bobby: EX.
Steve: Oh, okay.
Huh.
I’m sorry you feel like you need to take that.
Bobby: Thank you.
Steve: Are you consciously aware of what you’re saying?
Bobby: *Thinks*
Steve: Because, I feel like…you’re kind of just getting laughed at.
Bobby: *Thinks*
