Keen to Cross the Pond

Lacey tries to listen to the people in the perfume community with Eric.

A man in the perfume community: I’m here to have fun.

I think we did attack you. You, obviously, know that.

But why did you- Why did you have to be so mean?

Lacey:

Eric: When she came out as old money?

A man in the perfume community: …Yeah.

Eric: How is that even mean?

A man in the perfume community: *thinks*

I guess I didn’t want to know that. …Because I can never be that sure of myself. And it just makes me sad.

Eric: But she only shared that because she was being attacked.

A man in the perfume community: I know.

*thinks*

Honestly? People don’t care about rich people, or hot people, or any of those things anymore. It’s not fulfilling.

We all still enjoy seeing a pretty face. But…I just don’t care about their feelings now.

Why? Because…I feel…like I am suffering.

*shrugs*

Eric: What happened before? Like TEN YEARS AGO. Things were different back then.

A man in the perfume community: I joined the perfume community to feel good about myself.

There I said it.

I joined the perfume community to brag. Not to be impressed by anyone else who doesn’t amuse me.

A billionaire who flies a gold plated jet? Okay. I’m into it.

A woman who looks like Melania Trump? Maybe. If she’s a slut.

In all honesty I’m here to use bitches, be impressed by bitches, and be a huge bitch.

Make sense?

I don’t want some sweet, old money, lonely woman in my feed. That’s not fun for me.

Lacey: So you only followed me out of sympathy? Because you stupidly assumed I was like you? Because you’re a shallow vain twat?

Eric: Yes. They didn’t want to admit they look like shit compared to you. Nor that they aren’t old money, for real. Nor that they’re not as artistically gifted.

Are you really looking for a literal gold plated jet?

A man in the perfume community: Yeah!

Eric: That’s dumb as hell!

A man in the perfume community: *laughs condescendingly at Eric.*

Whatever! I love me some BLING.

Eric: You guys are SO middle class. As a collective community.

It’s embarrassing.

Do you understand that Caroline Calloway isn’t as old money as Lacey. She’s not as rich as Lacey. And Lacey could have married a man who graduated from Cambridge, just like Caroline…except he was genuinely super impressive?

A man in the perfume community: But Lacey’s not famous.

And she’s not got long hair, like Caroline.

…And…that man she could have married isn’t famous neither.

Okay!?

Get a clue!

Eric: But social class isn’t about being famous.

Being famous is just being famous.

And Lacey could easily just buy long hair.

A man in the perfume community: Okay?

If Lacey ever became famous I might appreciate her. I might feel bad about being cruel to her. But until then? Nah. I’m good.

Eric: That’s vile. And completely trashy.

Do you understand that?

A man in the perfume community: I don’t care.

See…when she outed herself as old money? It hurt. Because…I have feelings. Okay? I HAVE EMOTIONS. They’re completely real. And they MATTER!!!

MY FEELINGS MATTER A LOT.

…But now…after ten years…I’m starting to piece together…that she’s not a freak. Like…she’s not poor yet. Nor locked-up. So…maybe something she said wasn’t complete trash. Huh! Okay.

So…now that I have to admit that I’m not old money. And she’s not worthless shit completely compared to me? Well…- *he shrugs* I guess someone approachable and decent can be old money, in a way I’m not. Fine! Whatever.

Thing is…I’m not old money. I’m still not old money. Right?

So…- *shrugs*

Now I’m gonna have to be just…myself.

And I want A YACHT.

Eric: So…you’re owning being trashy?

A man in the perfume community: Actually…yeah.

I just want a gold yacht.

And…a house on Mars.

Eric: So…you all are basically just…heartless, self-serving, middle class snobs?

A man in the perfume community: She’s not showy enough.

She doesn’t have the goods.

I want action. I want RESULTS.

See…Daniel Rene isn’t necessarily as genuinely wealthy as her. Nor anyone in her family. …But he’s famous. Who cares if he’s actually kind of short? On camera? On camera he looks amazing. …And I’m sure in person his face and hair look great too. …I’m never going to actually meet him, so his height isn’t that important. He looks sexy on camera.

No, see…I wanted Lacey to have a huge perfume room! With cool shit. And to look GOOD on camera. I don’t have time to appreciate her natural beauty. I want GLAMOUR. I want…ACTION.

God: Lacey is much better looking than Daniel. It’s even obvious on camera. But you don’t care?

A man in the perfume community: No!

Daniel is more appealing. Even if she’s actually better looking. …He’s…sparkly. She’s…not. She’s just really beautiful.

I don’t care that he’s short.

I don’t care.

I’m looking a lot less closely. I’m looking for an overall appeal. Not closely.

…Her bag collection? BORING.

And how nice that she’s saving for retirement. How nice! And how nice that she’s being responsible and living frugal. WHATEVER! I want a sexy gay man…with a former crack addiction…who SMELLS AMAZING.

Okay?

I want a bleach blonde SLUT. …Who’s happy. And cheerful. …Who smiles!!! And smells like WARM VANILLA.

I am BORED by her. She is either like me…or she needs to shut the fuck up!

Jan: I told her once, years ago, that people were only following her out of sympathy.

Turns out she’s richer than me.

Whatever!

I have MEISSEN.

A man in the perfume community: And you met Justine Picardie!!!

Eric: I’m more important than Justine Picardie. …So is Lacey, actually. In reality. …And, her father, could have married Coco Chanel.

Coco Chanel could be her step-mom.

Coco Chanel herself could be Lacey’s MOM.

A man in the perfume community: What the fuck ever.

So what!?

…That’s years ago. …I want someone with a big house…who looks cool…NOW. Not the daughter of Tom Banks. Living frugally in her 40’s. Not fun! Not impressive. I want…something.

Eric: That’s sad.

You don’t want reality?

A man in the perfume community: No!

I don’t care!

She can go fuck Vladimir Putin! He can even marry her! …Not impressive.

Until she has…a gold yacht…on Instagram…I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT.

Eric: Why!?

A man in the perfume community: Because…I’m not interested in books.

When I’m online…I want ENTERTAINMENT.

I want to be amused.

I work hard.

I want to be AMUSED.

Eric: So it was hopeless for her to begin with?

A man in the perfume community: Yes. I guess so.

Most of us, even the so-called experts, are really online just to show-off. We barely care the perfume. Outside of impressing people. We wear perfume not to study the notes and appreciate the art, but to make people worship us.

Eric: Which is why they’ve made perfume so sweet and appealing, as of late.

Ambroxan is loud and impressive.

A man in the perfume community: Yes.

I wear perfume to show-off.

I drive a Mercedes not for the experience of driving German…but to look like I know what’s good. To look rich.

And I want to see that. Don’t expect me to appreciate your poetic words about perfume, Lacey. Or your inquisitive attitude towards antique perfume. *eye-roll* I have no interest! …I want EXCITEMENT.

Eric: So…what did you want her to have?

A man in the perfume community: Big hair. Big boobs.

A big house.

A MASSIVE perfume collection.

And perfect photos of herself, showing off ALL of it.

…And I wanted to be manipulated.

I love when people are bitches. Cruel. Conniving. Mean, even. …As long as it’s a game. As long as there’s a reward for me, or a possibility of a reward.

Eric: What’s the reward?

A man in the perfume community: Being recognized. Feeling…like I matter.

Unless you’re a real jerk…you do accept some people. And I want to be one of those people! …I don’t care who’s left out. …Hell, I can even be left out, as long as I’m occasionally included.

Make me feel…some excitement!

Eric: So…you imagine those kind of people will actually be your real friend? On occasion.

A man in the perfume community: YEAH!

Because they have to be. It’s a mutual agreement.

They reject people who are inferior. But sometimes I’m not. And then it’s my turn to be mean.

Eric: So…when are you actually friends with these people?

A man in the perfume community: I guess I never am. But I have a nice family. …I have a loving family. …And I have real friends.

I’m online because I was EXCITEMENT.

Eric: And you don’t give a shit about a lonely person? Online.

A man in the perfume community: No. That’s not my problem.

I’m here for FUN.

I’m here for ME TIME.

I’m here for MYSELF.

I want SEX.

Eric: You still want sex?

A man in the perfume community: Yeah.

I have some expendable income. Some health. And I want to FUCK.

Eric: You’re a hideous person. Do you realize that? …Maybe you can be loving and have…depth. But really, you’re an incredibly depressing idiot.

A man in the perfume community: Cool!

I have my own life.

Eric: And you don’t care about anyone or anything else?

A man in the perfume community: No.

It’s not my problem.

Eric: What about Democracy?

A man in the perfume community: *looks confused*

Eric: What about DEMOCRACY!?

A man in the perfume community: *Looks totally confused.*

Eric: Like…do you worry you’re not…building a sustainable economy? Or a sustainable anything?

A man in the perfume community: Sustainable?

*He laughs and rolls his eyes.*

Whatever!

Eric: No, but like…if you don’t care…and do your job…you’ll be potentially used.

A man in the perfume community: *thinks*

So…what do you even want me to do?!?

Eric: Collectively do your part.

Organize.

Threaten the powers that be.

Hold Jeff Bezos accountable. Or we’ll lose EARTH itself.

A man in the perfume community: Don’t try to scare me! I already know everything works out. You can’t fool me!!!

Eric: Things have always worked out in the past…because people actually DID WORK. You’re doing NOTHING. And yet you expect to be BABYSAT. Constantly.

A man in the perfume community: *thinks*

No. I already know everything works out.

I already know.

I’m going to have fun.

You can’t fool me!

Eric: That’s tragic.

…Do you want that much entertainment because you’re working so much?

A man in the perfume community: No.

I just want it.

I mean, I do work a lot. But that’s not it.

I want…stimulation.

A sexy gay man on TikTok: STIMULATION!?

So I’m your prostitute!?

A man in the perfume community: No.

*He laughs.*

No.

*He laughs and smiles.*

Cisneros: I keep flashing Lacey images of me. Waving my arms around. With knives.

And…I’m completely fine with her laughing at me.

…I was insane.

I had…a personality disorder. Not just Bipolar Disorder. …But…I decided it was totally normal to do what I did. *she laughs with Lacey at herself.* …Because…I believed I was…cool. …Like it was a perfectly fine thing to do.

*She laughs at herself with Lacey.*

Lacey: Did you have jealousy towards the woman who you killed?

Cisneros: YES.

*She thinks.*

I did.

She was skinny. And she looked-I felt like a total fuck-up. …She was…so admirable looking. So genuinely impressive.

…I decided it was cool to stab her.

Lacey: Because you resented not looking good.

Cisneros: Yes!

I felt like a complete failure.

And she embodied the I I wanted to be.

It was pure evil.

…I did believe in God. *She nods.* Which is why I’m fine now, and not in Hell. …But…I was…- I didn’t care. …I was cool with being shot. I had tried to kill myself. I had already tried to kill myself.

I just wanted to be…cool. Be a bad influence. Do something impressive. …And stabbing someone who’s annoyingly perfect…made me feel…cool.

God: That’s how sick people are now.

That’s how completely dysfunctional and insane people are today.

Cisneros: Yeah!

I don’t feel like I deserve to be dead. Because I’m so much better off.

I deserve to be behind bars.

I feel…awful, for the woman I killed. Now. …Now that I’m in my right mind, I feel incredibly guilty.

Lacey: Why did you target the old man?

Cisneros: *Laughs at herself.*

Because…he seemed…privileged.

*She laughs at herself again.*

They both seemed privileged to me.

Lacey: If I was sitting on the street, in a sidewalk cafe…in Paris…would you have shot me?

Cisneros: *Thinks.*

No.

Lem: Why?

Cisneros: You’re not happy enough looking.

Lem: What if her kids were?

Cisneros: *Thinks.*

Yeah. Maybe?

…See…I wanted to create impact.

I wanted to…do something. Something BIG.

The woman who was stabbed: I barely felt a thing.

I felt something. But…it was so shocking…I pretty much was dead before I could feel that much pain.

…Would I live my life all over again the way I did? If I knew she’d attack me? Just because I was so genuinely happy?

*She thinks.*

Yes.

I wish I had done more to help people. But other than that, I lived a fulfilling life.

Cisneros: I would try to be her friend, but it’s still too weird.

She’s actually a really cool person.

*She cries.*

I was INSANE.

I was fine. For years. But…I dunno. Things were getting to me lately. The world. Just how bad everything was. And I just…wanted to be- I just wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to feel…like a part of the world. Not just like a failure.

Lacey: I just want to laugh at you.

Do you understand?

Cisneros: *Smiles and nods.*

I actually appreciate it.

*She cries.*

Lacey: The best we can do is laugh at ourselves, maybe. In moments like that.

Cisneros: Yes.

It’s merciful to just laugh at myself. It’s God’s grace, that allows me to do that.

*She smiles.*

I’m afraid it is funny.

*She laughs.*

A reader: Did you think you were a Ninja warrior?

Cisneros: *Laughs.*

Kind of.

I mean…I’m normal now, because I’m dead. …Richard Ramirez isn’t crazy anymore either! …I chose to just…let God fix my head. …Some people don’t want that. …I didn’t care.

So…I actually did have a slight personality disorder. …I could be…heartless. Like, truly heartless. …And…so…when I was down and manic…I went psychotic. And decided to…do my thang.

Because I had…evil. I was…somewhat heartless. …So my self pity manifested, in my manic state, as…violence. Even though I hadn’t been. …Because I was so manic…and so…disconnected from others…that I just felt like…being…bad. You know? Being…crazy.

God: And now you feel horrible.

Cisneros: Yes. But it’s wonderful to feel normal.

*She nods.*

I feel incredibly guilty. But…I’m thankful to feel guilty.

A woman in the perfume community: Do you feel guilty? Lacey. Do you feel any guilt? At all?

Lacey: For what?

A woman in the perfume community: For telling me you’re old money!! DUH! That was an incredibly evil thing to do!

God: Why?

A woman in the perfume community: Because I’m not old money.

It just made me feel sad.

A sexy gay man on TikTok: For what it’s worth? I hate her too.

I do.

I hate her too.

Just like you.

A woman in the perfume community: Yeah.

I mean…she’s pretty.

And she’s smarter than most people.

So…that’s enough.

That’s enough.

Cisneros: See…you sound like me.

You sound like me, before I stabbed people.

A woman in the perfume community: Yeah.

God: She’s not reading this. She’s just reacting honestly.

A woman in the perfume community: I don’t necessarily want Lacey dead.

Actually, that’d be kind of sad. If she died?

But…I’m not old money? Okay? And…how dare she!?

Cisneros: So you wanted to maintain the delusion that she was just like you?

And it made you angry when she was sharing evidence to suggest otherwise?

Before she ever came out and actually told you she was old money?

A woman in the perfume community: Yeah!

That’s true.

*She thinks.*

I admire you- Wait. No I don’t.

I don’t know.

I guess I just feel like it’s wrong. The way some people are being so…fortunate. Like…why not me??

Cisneros: Do you feel like they’re human?

A woman in the perfume community: Mostly.

Cisneros: Just mostly?

A woman in the perfume community: *She thinks.*

You sound like a psychologist.

Umm…-

Yeah.

I think it’s unfair.

*She shrugs.*

God: So you honestly believed she was actually like you?

A woman in the perfume community: I wanted to. I think I just wanted to.

Cisneros: Okay. But we don’t have a right to actually do that.

We don’t get to decide other people’s lives. Just because we feel inferior and it scares us.

A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks.*

I would like to control Lacey. And lots of other people. Actually.

I wear perfume to control people. I wear perfume to control how people see me. And I analyze perfume to control people, in detail. Like their reactions? I want a very specific reaction from people.

You’re right.

You know…I feel guilty. And that’s part of my obsession with her. Because, at the end of the day, I know I just insulted her. Over and over again. …But I just can’t…let her feel happiness. Or joy. Or anything good. Because…then I feel even worse about my life.

She’s so real. And it’s nice. But see…if I admit she’s actually really gifted and privileged…I have to compare my life to it, and suddenly I feel like shit. Because…if her down-to-Earth yet old money aesthetic isn’t mine…then what hope do I have of ever being anything superior? In reality.

Eric: Why do you need to be superior?

A woman in the perfume community: Because. I have a happy life. I am middle class.

But…I’m not…different. …I’m just average.

That’s not exciting.

My life isn’t exciting.

I want a thrill.

God: So few people are that happy anymore. Do you not understand that?

A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks.*

No.

What are you talking about?

God: So, do you watch the news?

A woman in the perfume community: Not much.

God: Yeah. People don’t as much anymore.

And the news isn’t what it used to be anyway.

Even online.

People are really suffering. Are you?

A woman in the perfume community: I mean I sold plasma. To go to Neiman’s. And buy some stuff.

*She laughs.*

Lacey: *Excitedly* What did you buy?

A woman in the perfume community: Oh! I bought-

Wait! Why aren’t you jealous!? *Angry.*

Lacey: *Uneasy.*

What did you buy?

A woman in the perfume community: I don’t want to share my happiness with you!!! EWW!!!

Cisneros: What did you buy?

A woman in the perfume community: I was evil!

I should have bought my daughter a new coat.

*She laughs.*

I bought a $600 bottle of perfume!

*She looks like a drug addict, fondling a needle.*

Wanna smell it!?

Cisneros: Wow!

Why did you pick the one?

A woman in the perfume community: See…Lacey can buy both the expensive down coat and the $600 perfume.

*She laughs, feeling morally superior. Sure of herself.*

I watched her. Over years. What a HUGE PIECE OF SHIT!

It’s HOUBIGANT!

Just like Lacey!

*She laughs maniacally.*

Cisneros: Do you realize she genuinely doesn’t care? Or no?

A woman in the perfume community: *Looks sad.*

That’s wrong! I can’t stand that-

Cisneros: No! You’re wrong!!!

You’re SO wrong.

I’m not a rich person. But, as a New Yorker, I don’t give a shit either. And that’s both before I died and now.

Another woman in the perfume community: LIAR!!!

Cisneros: No.

You’re wrong.

*She laughs.*

Why the hell do y’all keep expecting me to care!?

Be real!

A woman in the perfume community: Okay.

*Thinks.*

Because that’s all you have. Money.

Cisneros: Okay.

Why does your opinion matter to me?

A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks.*

But you cared when I complimented you?

Cisneros: Sure!

But that’s normal.

That’s just normal human psychology.

You being WEIRD AS HELL and buying Houbigant with blood money?

*She laughs.*

Nah!

That’s just embarrassing and weird. Why would you expect me to still care!?

I’m sorry!

A woman in the perfume community: But that means I’m affecting her!

Cisneros: OH HELL NO! That’s actual crazy talk.

You’re actually being very weird. That’s WEIRD.

Once a person steps outside of normal human behavior…it ceases to have the same effect.

You’re not being normal. I’m sorry.

A woman in the perfume community: Fine!

I should have just stopped caring.

But she irritated me.

Because I’m never going to be that way.

Ever.

Cisneros: But there are many out of reach people on Instagram. Why does she bother you so much?

A woman in the perfume community: Because she talked to me!

Listen to Shostakovich’s “Suite For Jazz Orchestra No. 2” as conducted by Paavo Järvi.

Cisneros: So it felt real. It felt like something real.

A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks.*

Yeah.

And now I feel childish. And stupid. And taken advantage of.

Cisneros: Why?

A woman in the perfume community: Because it isn’t real, after all.

It’s cruel.

She let me believe we were alike. She let me feel like we could be friends. We can’t. I don’t understand her! I can’t really relate!

I’ve never been the Pharaoh’s daughter. I’m not Lady Rosslyn! …How in Hell…am I supposed to be…her friend!?

It’s sick!

Cisneros: Okay. But she didn’t do that to you!

A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks*

Then who did!?! *She screams.*

Cisneros: It wasn’t her.

Who it was is actually very complicated. But it wasn’t her.

What did that feel like? Realizing slowly that you couldn’t relate?

A woman in the perfume community: *Thinks*

I think, someone, flipped out when she did eat Hamma Hamma.

Okay. I’m sure if you’re a local…you can easily eat there. FINE! But…that’s too much.

I can’t ever imagine!

I’m not going there. I’m eating Chef Boyardee. And I know, given her tastes in perfume, Hamma Hamma is…damn good.

It was just stuff like that. Repeatedly.

I felt…-

*She thinks.*

I felt dumb as HELL.

Lacey: I didn’t know that! At all!

Cisneros: *Nods.*

A woman in the perfume community: So…you had no idea?

God: She’s real old money.

She didn’t know.

A woman in the perfume community: Then I make no sense.

God: That’s literally what she kept saying!

A woman in the perfume community: Yeah, I felt dumb.

Like…no. We are not alike.

Lacey: But oysters are for everyone.

A woman in the perfume community: Yeah!

But I’m not-

I’m not going to ever eat them!

Lacey: You could take a trip there! It still exists!

A woman in the perfume community: Yeah…but you went there on a weekend.

It’s not the same!

Lacey: No, I suppose not.

So going to get Hamma Hamma on the weekend looks like fun?

A woman in the perfume community: *Speechless.*

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: LET ME FIX THIS.

“Oh! You be going out for fancy seafood!” she pretends to comment on Lacey’s post.

Lacey: *Thinks.*

I have no idea what to say.

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Laughs.*

TRY!

Lacey: *Rubs her forehead, in exasperation.*

*Thinks.*

“YEAH! IT WAS GOOD!”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Why are you so bitter?”

Lacey: *Thinks.*

“NOTHING FOR you to worry about. ☺️”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Thinks, disturbed.*

“I doubt that.”

Lacey: *Feels disturbed now too.*

“Well, I have God.

I hope you do too.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Laughs at Lacey in her response.*

“I do.”

Lacey: “It’s not funny! God is what matters!”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Sure. But we ain’t supposed to be miserable.”

Lacey: “Oh well.

I’ll be happy in Heaven.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “DAMMIT.

See, I want to hate you, but I can’t. You’re too depressing.”

Lacey: “Then just forget you ever met me.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “I can’t do that.

Well I’ll be rich in Heaven.”

Lacey: “You might even be rich here. It’s not impossible?”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Not likely!”

Lacey: “At all?”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Nah. Not likely at all.”

Lacey: “Are you happy somewhat though?”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Yes.”

Lacey: *Smiles.*

“Are you really!?”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Actually, I am.”

Lacey: “Good!

Well, I’m not.

But I did enjoy my oysters.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “That’s good.”

Lacey: *Smiles in response.*

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “When did you just become…resigned…to merely enjoying oysters?”

Lacey: *Surprised the woman cares. Thinks.*

“In childhood.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Thinks.*

“I’m sorry.”

Lacey: “Well, at least you care.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Here’s to Heaven!”

Lacey: “Yeah. You’ll be rich in Heaven.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “If I were as genuinely concerned about my fellow man, as you, I would be. Hopefully I am.”

Lacey: “And I’ll enjoy my oysters, in some peace, until then. Or in tandem.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “What else are you supposed to do?”

Lacey: “Actually, yes.

There’s nothing else I can do.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Alright!

Well, then enjoy your lux life. I guess.”

Lacey: *Laughs, in response.*

“Thanks!”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “I’ll be joining you, in about 30 years!! OR LESS!”

Lacey: “Oh goody!”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Yeah, I guess 30 years isn’t that long!”

Lacey: “No!

That’s how I look at it. Actually.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “But dearest…as much as I actually love what you’re saying…because it’s God’s truth…in Heaven there are ‘many mansions’…we are supposed to be alive. You know?”

Lacey: *Thinks.*

“What do you think I should do?

Some people…just suffer.

Actually, lots of people do.

And oftentimes there’s a way out.

But not always.

And all I can do…is enjoy my oysters.

OH BLOODY WELL.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Thinks.*

“I believe you.

At least you have your kids! And your husband seems…nice?”

Lacey: “Ha! YES!

I adore my kids.

They’re my kids.

And yes, my husband is nice. He’s good company.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “That’s not so bad.

It’s not nearly what you were probably promised or expecting. …I’m sure it’s not what you deserve. But…it’s bearable.”

Lacey: “YES! You understand.”

Listen to “Méditation” by Massenet, as performed by Yo-Yo Ma.

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “You’re trapped.

You’re completely trapped.

*She laughs*

But…you’re a strong woman. I can tell.

And I’m not some shallow idiot person. I know a rich man can be sad. Just as sad as me.

Well, you aren’t being tortured to death, at least.”

Lacey: “TRUE!

Although, if I was being tortured to death, I might just die.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s:

*Thinks.*

“Most likely. Although there are some possibilities. …Maybe you would die anyway, though.”

Lacey: “Yeah!

Anyway, I’ll settle in and rough it out.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Yeah. It’s too bad your husband doesn’t really love you. Did you think he did? When you married him?”

Lacey: “YES!

Oh well!”

Listen to “Brandenburg Concerto No. 6 in B Flat Major” by Bach, as performed by the Academy of Ancient Music.

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *She laughs in response.*

Lacey: *Smiles in response.*

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Does he enjoy oysters too? At least.”

Lacey: “Yes!!! *Smiles.*”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “Well, I’m happy for that. For you.”

Lacey: “Yes, someday, we’ll both get what we want. Life is short. And for some people that’s a horrible thing. But…for other people…it’s a comedy. Maybe? Or…rather strange.”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: *Thinks.*

“You’re right.

Funny.

I guess death isn’t something to be afraid of. Funny. As Christians we are supposed to think that.”

Lacey: “YES!”

A woman from the lower class in the 1800’s: “But do try to enjoy life. As best you can.”

Lacey: “Of course!”

*Later.*

A man in the perfume community: You can’t do that.

Lacey: Do what??

A man in the perfume community: You can’t just be looking forward to death. To have sex? No! That’s not a thing!

God: Yes. It actually is.

A man in the perfume community: No way!

That’s not Christianity!

God: Actually, to think otherwise isn’t Christian.

A man in the perfume community: But sex is EVIL!

God: No. That’s not true. It can be evil, if the person is being evil. But in and of itself it’s not evil. And it’s totally redeemable. Christ did redeem it.

I created love. I created romantic love. Why would I destroy sex in Heaven? Why wouldn’t I want sex in Heaven? No, I would.

A man in the perfume community: But sex isn’t holy! Which is why it’s so fun!!

God: Not true!

Nothing evil is ever truly fun.

Sex is only ever enjoyable because I created it.

A man in the perfume community: But what about kids being molested!?

God: That’s evil.

That’s not in Heaven.

But happy, normal, healthy love between a husband and a wife, is.

A man in the perfume community: You’re not real.

God: No. I am.

A man in the perfume community: Whatever!

*Later.*

A different woman in the perfume community, somewhere in Eastern Europe: Wait…so let me get this straight.

Listen to “Everything In Its Right Place” by Radiohead.

There’s an Illuminati. I know there is. You can’t watch Stanley Kubrick and not figure that out.

And because Lacey’s family has billions in oil…they noticed her. Somehow.

Okay.

…And for whatever evil reason they decided to attack her. Her and her whole family.

*She thinks. Smirks.*

*She laughs.*

Funny!

And now…she’s stuck. Because…they’re aware there’s an afterlife. And they’re using their leverage…whatever it’s worth…to harass her. And try to ruin her entire existence?

How…does that seem…at all safe?

Serious question?

The Illuminati, should it exist: *Freaking out.*

The Eastern European woman: Are you actually scared!?!

The Illuminati, should it exist: YES!

…

Attacking her was…a HUGE mistake. The more old timers who die…and leave us…possibly joining her side…the more we see it.

None of them emerge on the other side on our team. Any.

We can tell!

And tons of shit keeps happening and getting worse.

We accidentally attacked Ancient Egypt. And the Holy Roman Empire. I’m sure of it.

Jack Kennedy was a fucking fool. Dolly loved him. But she’s dead.

Cisneros: Dolly loved him!? Really!?

The Illuminati: Yeah!

You wouldn’t expect that?

Cisneros: No.

For real though?

The Illuminati: Yes!

Cisneros: See…I just don’t get it.

How do they go together???

The Illuminati: Hold on!

How many people like her? Because they’d rather be dead nowadays?

God: MORE THAN YOU WANT!

Cisneros: And it’s funny.

I look hilarious.

I mean…aside from the obvious fact that people died. It’s actually comedy gold.

Me. With my crossbody bag-

*She cracks-up laughing.*

Two knives. One in each hand. Trying to charge at a group of tall, buff, male Manhattan police officers!

*She laughs.*

And it’s all caught on camera!

A reader: Do you actually have a good sense of humor? In Heaven?

Cisneros: *Laughs.*

Yes.

And that’s why you believe in “higher selves.” Be careful with that.

Truly.

But yes, I do have a good sense of humor.

Lem: The world is changing.

A woman in Eastern Europe: I’m still mad.

Why are you messing around with her afterlife!?

What did you fools even do!?

Cisneros: I think Dolly assumed Lem was like Carl Dean. And she was Jack Kennedy.

*She rolls her eyes, in tandem with Lacey*

What did they do?

They ruined Nepal!

*She scoffs.*

No, for real though…-

*She thinks.*

She was screwed. …Because Lem was smart enough and sophisticated enough to believe he was gay, when he wasn’t. And few people alive today can even begin to comprehend it. It’s too high level.

So…even professional biographers mistake the whole situation as a real love story. Because they can’t discern anything else. They read the evidence and nothing else makes sense. …Now…I will say…I don’t think any of them are professional psychologists. *She laughs.* I mean…with what I know…I can tell Lem isn’t right in the head. …And you can’t be that cruel to anyone without it being exactly what it is, psychologically. There’s no way it didn’t affect Lem. And his lack of response…is a response.

So…I can tell that a love story isn’t likely. Not a real one. But I guess…they can’t.

Anyway…because people are so dense…and unqualified to be making decisions about history…but are anyway…she was totally screwed.

And God knew that.

God knew that the minute she was born…it was bad news.

So…he rightfully allowed other men.

Listen to “Angelica” by Lamb.

Lou Hill Junior. From Minnesota. …Harold Loeb. …No, sounds impressive, but honestly…it’s all real.

It’s all real.

And yet…”the Illuminati”…chose to ignore that.

They’ve been messing around with…everything.

They made Harold reject Lacey. By conjuring Brett. They made all of the men reject Lacey by pulling shit like that. All of them!

And it was totally unnatural!

Because…in a normal situation…they would not have abandoned her. Not the way they did. Not like that.

So…now…Lou is…really suffering.

He had unfinished issues with his second wife.

Harold is…miserable.

Michael is too.

And Elliott…is ready to take off with her. He’s MAD at Lem. I mean…MAD.

It’s bad. All of it.

And none of it is normal at all.

But they felt they knew what was best.

*She rolls her eyes.*

A reader: Lacey is a Jolene!!

Cisneros: To Dolly? Yeah.

*She laughs.*

Dolly was such an idiot, if there’s an Illuminati, when it came to Lacey. Such an idiot.

I’m sorry. I wish Dolly well, but I can’t sympathize with her.

Dolly was a fucking IDIOT…when it came to love and sex…

*She shrugs.*

She honestly believed the Jack and Lem shit. In her heart. She fervently believed it.

She loved that book. By Pitts. LOVED it.

And so when Lacey started talking about Lem…she aggravated the situation with Bobby. And made it TEN TIMES WORSE. Because…she took the whole thing so seriously and so personally.

A woman in Eastern Europe: So she didn’t understand that Lem was a real person?

Cisneros: Honestly!? She knew! …She knew! …But she believed she was…better than that.

She somehow felt she was…wiser than…all of it.

*Looks sad.*

She had a STUPID relationship with her husband.

*She laughs.*

Nobody could figure out what the hell was happening between them because it was dysfunctional, STUPID relationship. …Because she made it so.

He wasn’t happy. …All those years. He felt…really neglected.

And she didn’t let anyone figure that out. Not really.

They were in love. But they both had affairs. Because they had such little time together. And she lied. She LIED through her teeth about it. OFTEN.

…But she was HOT. And he knew it. …And he knew he couldn’t find another woman like her. …And she knew no man would ever love her, as honestly. So they stayed together.

And she was too messed-up to be honest. Ever.

Growing-up poor…actually did affect her. Psychologically.

So…yeah.

She read that book…and took it WAY too seriously.

Lacey: Why?

Cisneros: Because…-Because she was…simple.

*She shrugs.*

She couldn’t believe a straight man would be so…gay. For any reason. …She was too backwoods to get it.

And…and…she was…-

Listen to “Backdrifts” by Radiohead.

She was…in love with Carl.

And she felt incredibly guilty. All of the time. For wanting a career. For being…so sexual. Publicly. …And not being just his wife.

And…in that closeted guilt…she believed other people were like her. Like JFK. She stupidly assumed Jack Kennedy was like her. …Constantly guilty. Deeply in love. Ashamed.

Except…he wasn’t.

Lacey: I know!

Was she was cruel and cold as Jack?

Cisneros: NO!

*She laughs.*

Not at all!

But…she had SO much internalized shame and guilt. So much. …So she demonized herself.

I mean…she was…evil. Very evil at times. But…Jack was cold as ice. …Whereas she actually did love Carl.

*Later.*

Lacey: I have a lot of grace for that shit.

Cisneros: I hear you.

I wouldn’t either, after what you’ve been through.

I love Dolly…but…knowing what I do now…I also find her to be completely obnoxious.

Lacey: What in HELL made her think she knew best?

Cisneros: EXACTLY!

Self-importance. …She was Dolly Parton. …And I think it went to her head.

A reader: So…what was supposed to happen?

With Lacey and all those men?

Cisneros: She was supposed to date Lem.

What happened was she was basically forced…like completely forced…to be with him. …And…it’s not what God calls it, but it’s basically “twin flames” stuff. …So…she’s with him. By default. …That’s just how God designed it. And that’s good…but…it didn’t happen in a holy nor healthy nor natural way.

*She waits.*

She is made for Lem. But…they can’t even handle that. So they’ve literally been so cruel they’ve made her teeth crack, from teeth grinding, because they keep sadistically harassing her. She’s had teeth removed…because they’re so stupid and evil. Just about these men.

She’s not a bad person! Really. It might look like it, but she’s not.

…So…- I guess…she’d have been with Lou. For years. They get along really well. …And he’s…so intelligent and kind. So sophisticated! …For YEARS he’d have been her man. Just…hanging-out. Chillin.

He’s buried here in Minnesota.

That was actually a VERY merciful protection God had in place FOR A LOT OF US. …As crazy as that sounds. But God is very gracious. …And yet…they didn’t have any respect for that. They were just mad that he was so elite. Jealous of her. Mad at her family.

So they ruined that.

Within MONTHS. …Just months.

*She shrugs.*

It was like that with all of them. One after another. They kept conjuring demons of lust to attack the men. And they found it funny. And it made them feel powerful.

And now…she’s been with Lem. For years. And there’s no way out. Which is good…but they can’t handle it. So they’ve been trying to suffocate her. Kill her. Shit like that.

A man in the perfume community: So…they can’t get rid of Lem?

Cisneros: Yeah!

A man in the perfume community: Why, as…spiritual as they are…can’t they just get it?

Cisneros: Ahh…good question!

Well…I think it’s mostly emotional. On their parts.

Like Dolly.

Actually, as some of these people have died…it’s become a lot easier for her. Daily. To hear Lem. To…trust herself.

A man in the perfume community: So he’s not just a demon? *He laughs.*

Cisneros: NO! *She laughs.*

That’s actually not even Biblical. The Witch of Endor actually does conjure a real dead man. It’s edgy to think that, sadly. But, he’s a real ghost.

God can do that. And in Lacey’s defense…he has. It’s just that simple.

A man in the perfume community: So she is genuinely stuck with him? There’s actually nothing she can do?

Cisneros: Totally! And it’s wonderful. They’re very in love.

But yeah…it’s also impossible to undo.

Jonah: Why do I feel like they’re still trying to attack her with the spirit of lust?

Cisneros: Oh! THEY ARE.

*She laughs.*

But…they just keep…basically rejecting it. And if anything they just lust after each other.

*Later.*

A woman in the perfume community in Eastern Europe: So they’re just mindlessly torturing her? Do they have a point? Like is she a sacrifice?

Cisneros: Actually, no.

They started attacking her because she is unusually good at shit they use to communicate with each other. Just by nature. And she’s not into the occult at all. And it irritated them. A lot.

They have issues with deep insecurity and jealousy.

For many reasons.

And…the way she’s handled it? Actually that impressed Dolly. It felt very familiar to Dolly. Very…Appalachia. Very clever.

They love her. In a way. And not because she was or is evil. Because she’s smart. And a lot of them actually are unusually smart too. And so…they like talking with her. At times.

Even as they torture her.

Actually, I feel like at times they help her. It’s an extremely difficult thing to understand. It’s kind of ancient.

Like St. Patrick.

Lacey: Did Dolly Parton ever say the Sinner’s Prayer because of me?

God: Yes.

Lacey: Oh good!

Barney Frank: I said the Sinner’s Prayer. I did!

*He smiles.*

God: It’s beautiful, but also quite sad. And also very funny.

A reader: But she was…loose?

Cisneros: *Laughs.*

Not really though.

Not…really.

*She shakes her head no.*

It’s not what it looks like. She’s not a bad person.

A man in the perfume community: Then how is she alive?

Cisneros: She’s got oil.

She calls on God every single day! She has done WILD spiritual warfare. Like…CRAZY- Alone. Just dancing.

It’s actually Ancient Egyptian. What she does. Whether there’s reincarnation or not. She looks Egyptian while she does it.

The man: What!?

Cisneros: Yeah.

No, it’s real.

She does…like…dancing. But it’s not demonic. Not unless demons are in revolt against Hell.

It’s no joke.

A man: What is she doing?

Cisneros: She’s moving energy.

God has given her ability.

She can literally tap into energy fields…because she’s so attacked…and then rearrange them. By hand.

She just…grabs it…using the Holy Spirit…and then rearranges it.

A reader: How do they not know this!?

Cisneros: Hey, maybe they don’t exist? Right?



In my opinion, the fragrance community is a tragedy.

Back in 2015 when I first started working to gain followers on Instagram, I was impressed with just how much comradery there was between everyone. Just how many people were there to be warm, friendly and supportive of each other.

But, over the years…I started to see something…very dark. Very sad.

People…weren’t happy.

Maybe it’s because behind the screen Daniel Rene is short. Just like Bobby Kennedy Junior. Another secretly self-loathing, non-het., narcissistic male entertainer. …Two jealous men, who have severe issues with attractive women who they feel secretly deeply inferior to. Two former half-dead opiate addicts.

Except Bobby is a loser who doesn’t have the freedom to be honest about his attraction to men. I’m sure he’d love to marry a man. But he can’t. Instead, the best he can do, is crush on Lem Billings. A tall, buff, older man who seemed in love with him. …He can never move on and develop an adult life in his sexual orientation, stuck forever as a stupid teenager. With a crush.

Whereas, Daniel…finally came out. Eventually. After years of being…closeted…he had the sense to finally be honest. Stop destroying himself. Because he’s not a backwards Kennedy. He’s not stuck in a position where he has no choice. He’s a former child model. He’s allowed to be himself.

And that’s the thing. The perfume community is and was LUCKY.

Where some people are starving, or like in Bobby’s case, trapped, these people are middle class, mostly. Private. And for decades now, extremely privileged.

No real public accountability. But loads of positive public attention.

They’ve been unbelievably spoiled.

But do they understand that or appreciate it? NO. No, the perfume community…is currently comprised of mostly ignorant, spoiled, First World individuals who lack any awareness of the real world outside their middle class privileged lives.

Why do I think this? Experience.

I wasn’t a show-off. But I had some inheritance from my father. …And I had and have a pleasant personal aesthetic. …And at first, people gave me credit, followed me, and even commented. And I had fun. …But…after a year or two of being…accepted and having a lot of fun…things went wrong. Horribly wrong. Because…people are SPOILED. …Most people in the perfume community, as it’s called, are SPOILED.

One of my biggest haters once accused me of being immature, vain, and BORED. …She was an incredibly immature, vain person in my opinion. I’ve never been called that by anyone who’s truly known me. …And I can’t help but think she was narcissistically admitting to her own actual faults. …But it’s that last one that gets me. …Bored.

Bored. I think she was admitting to being bored. …I think she was accidentally admitting to having attacked me out of deep, aching boredom.

And that’s just it. …If you have enough money to collect perfume and get noticed by the perfume community, and truly join the community, you’re not that poor. …Or at least, you prefer to think of yourself as rich, or comfortable. You prefer to live in a world in your head where you’re not…struggling. …And because of that…I can’t help but think…MOST of the community is like that. …Sheltered, spoiled, BORED people…who are just desperate for a hit. A hit of excitement. A thrill. Something to sink their teeth into.

Middle class people who are bored. First World people who are…desperate. Desperate for drama.

Doesn’t Daniel Rene strike you as an aging drama queen? Yes. That’s genuinely how he comes across to me. A man who craves attention and approval and…drama. Which is great for…TikTok. And he gets it; he gets attention and admirers. …But…if you aren’t like him, he doesn’t seem to truly empathize with you. …And I…have a strong suspicion…he’d create drama out of thin air just to keep from being ignored and being bored. And…so…if you’re like him, you’re fine…because you can play off his antics. But…if you’re not…and you’re like me…you’re toast.

…And that’s where the perfume community, the fragrance community, is tragic. Deeply tragic.

Why? Because…it had an opportunity. It had an opportunity to be something special. Years ago…when we were still dissecting vintages, joyfully. With no malice. When people were competitive but not…narcissistically so. …And it blew-it.

Perfume is soothing. It lowers cortisol levels. And it’s very accessible to all classes. But…instead of being loving…and wise…people got bored.

Yes, I became one of the most famous targets. In my opinion. Of the toxic level of evil in the perfume community. But…I’m SURE I’m not alone. I’m POSITIVE…that there are thousands of other people. People who had an interest in being a part of the community but didn’t or couldn’t, for ironically similar reasons to my own. They didn’t fit. They’re not drama queens. They’re not bored with their own lives or craving attention enough to be able to enjoy interacting with people who are entrenched in the community.

So, where the perfume community could have been a cool hang-out space for everyone, instead it became a place for toxic people who needed…a fix. People who wanted to look rich, or feel rich. People who want to be hated. People who want to both hated and loved. …But no one who’s truly looking for stable, mature, adult relationships, in my experience, free of any drama.

And…to me, that’s sad. …Because perfume is art. Perfume is beautiful. …The perfume community had such an opportunity. …But it became completely about drama and competition. Immature, sad, shallow nonsense.

And my heart aches for the children who don’t know that yet. The lonely, isolated little girls who look-up to people in the perfume community who sometimes are…heartless, horrible people, in my opinion. Vapid people who may not have one deep thought all day.

I’m sure when most of them think of me they search for any way to hate me they can find. Or they fantasize about how I’m a homosexual. (I’m not) Or they fantasize about how I’m lowly in some pathetic way. Some may even want to kill me and my friends and family. …In my life, they’ve been a cancer. …Even if at first they seemed so full of hope. …I genuinely regret the day I joined the perfume community, in almost every way, other than for how eye-opening it’s been to the vile nature of some factions of current living humanity.

Do I hate the perfume community? No. Do I find them deplorable? …Mostly, yes. From my experience they’re some of the most egotistical, idiotic, gullible and hateful people alive, when it comes to me. They’re disgusting, in regard to me. And until I get a sincere apology from them personally, I won’t be acknowledging them for the rest of eternity. And, that might take thousands of years, for them to come close to even mildly understanding, I suspect.

I will be buying perfume with extreme caution for the rest of my life. I’m truly that scared of these monsters, in my life.

No, it’s extremely unlikely they’ll ever apologize to me for what they’ve done. The real HORRIBLE impact they’ve had on just my life, nevermind how they’ve impacted others through me. …And…oh well. That’s how it goes. …Sometimes. *shrug*

But I’m sure Mita Von Ringlestad still will buy their newest creations. Smelling of ambroxan or something like it, as she smugly prances about with her LVMH title. In Trontheim Luggleswania. Those “it girl” pretentious, phony current day aristocrats are SO middle class. So bourgeois. It’s actually vile. It’s gross. Such weak, weird cucks. Bragging about eating children with some silly freak bitch from New Jersey who grew-up on food-stamps, named Jeffrey Epstein. Thinking they’re edgy for eating tortured babies from Yugoslavia…but not truly evil like the colonialists of the 1800’s! Ha! What a joke! What a joke they are. How profoundly depressing. …Brainwashed, plastic, cheap-as-shit cucks. Waiting for some fool to save them, or too dumb to understand the harm they cause. Too genuinely dumb to understand that they can’t shit where they eat forever without someday drowning in their own shit. When they die…their stupidity may make God more forgiving towards them.

No. I’m a proud colonialist, if there’s reincarnation. And a REAL aristocrat. Not like fools alive today, it seems. …Why proud? Because we had real reasons. …Do you understand what a reason is? A real reason? …We weren’t just weirdos looking for drama. We were trying to survive. And most brainwashed people today don’t understand that anymore. …And someday when they die and find out the profound atrocities that THEY are committing, being associated with who’s in charge today, I will LAUGH in their VAIN, ARROGANT, EGOTISTICAL, IGNORANT faces. …Organized societies are almost always evil, at some point. It’s basically impossible to be a part of any society in all of human history that hasn’t done something genuinely evil at some point. It’s how evil that matters. And believe it or not, the colonialists didn’t necessarily have the worst heart intent.

“How do you accuse others of being egotistical, when you’re sitting around claiming to be a reincarnated aristocrat!?” asks someone reading this.

*eye-roll*

You know…if you’re reading my blog and you can recall what I’ve written, you shouldn’t be asking that. I’m not a fool, I hope, and I actually wasn’t the one who came up with that idea. I didn’t invent it. …It was something I discovered through the help of others. …And it may not even be true. …I’m fully aware that it might not be true. Stop trying to make me seem evil. …But actually, what if it is true? It could be. …It really could be .

No, I could be a reincarnated Lady. Then what? Then you have to accept that I’m not worthless icky shit, even if you’re reading this from the perfume community and you’re too immature and vain to accept it. …So, then what? Well…you could stop reading this. Or…you could just…wait and see me in 2,000 years? When you’re less…insane? *I laugh*. …I don’t know.

Truly, I’m a better person than that. If I was as ordinary, fat and poor as Casi Hart…I’d be happier than her, possibly. And I’d certainly not attack someone like me. Because I’m not…evil-hearted. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. …If I was her…I’d be…living in Montana. Skinnier. …And not desperately seeking attention, as she does, in my opinion. …Because she chooses to be evil, in my opinion. And thank God, I do not. And she should stop. Everyone in the perfume industry and community like her, should stop.

I’m not trying to be judgmental in saying all this, mind you. I’m just righteously angry. And because it’s real anger, it’s not going to go away. …Because it’s affected my whole life, and other people’s lives, it’s not going to go away. Even when I’m dead. …And because I’m not evil-hearted it’s going to be a problem for people who attacked me…until the deal with it. Like a forever chemical. And no conspiratorial posse will ever rid them of it. It’s never going away. And actually the best thing that could happen to these people, in my opinion, would be for them to forget about me…and find out later, when they’re dead, what they did. Because they don’t give one shit about me…possibly at all, and their fascination with me is purely evil. At least that’s what it seems like at this point, to me.

I think they did innocently admire my…aesthetics. At one point. But now…they’re disgusting. Foolish thieves, at best. In my experience. …There could be exceptions, but I’ve not seen many, that’s for sure.

But no, I don’t hate them. It’s not like that. …I’m just being correct and objective. And my experience is that they’re HORRIBLE people. Almost all of them. Absolutely AWFUL, gullible, IDIOTIC people. Deeply vain and…amazingly arrogant. They’d be absolutely heartless, not just heartless, if not for the fact that they seem too dumb to be that evil, in my opinion and experience.

So why don’t I hate them? Well…Mita Von Somethingoranother…goes skiing. Still. And…I’m sure she has to use good skincare. …And…she likes them…and…that’s makes me think less of them both, but…it also means they’re all human. Somehow it all adds up to that. And as a Christian, that’s automatically a pass for me. I hate evil. I don’t hate people.

…

Eric: What if Mita didn’t like them?

Lacey: I’d still see them as humans. But, it’s just easier to see, this way.

Eric: You know…they wanted to aggravate you. Especially Casi Hart, in my opinion. To create that drama. …And they’ve been stunned that you’re not actually…angrier?

Lacey: Come to find out, I don’t ever get angry in that way. …This is as angry as I can ever get.

Eric: So you have no interpersonal anger? In the way that they imagined.

Lacey: It’s not in my nature.

Eric: So…let’s say you actually are Lady Rosslyn. …Would you have used a sword to cut off someone’s head, in battle, if necessary?

Lacey: YES! Absolutely. I still feel like I should be able to sword fight, sometimes. Well. But I don’t.

Eric: *laughs*

So they can’t get that angry, interpersonally, and yet be that controlled and strategic. You’re constantly like that. But to them…that’s confusing. Actually, to some of them it even seems psychopathic. It’s not. But…they genuinely can’t do it.

What they do do…is get mad. Interpersonally. …Do you understand what I mean?

Lacey: Barely, if at all. …What is it you’re talking about?

Eric: Right, so…they feel really angry…at each other…about…offensive matters. Things that they do to affect each other.

It’s like the difference between Mozart’s Symphony No. 40 in G Minor, which is you, and the soundtrack to “Dances With Wolves”, which is them. It’s more face to face drama, for them. You’re not a psychopath, but you’re detached like Mozart.

Do you see what I mean?

Lacey: This is going to be…difficult to read. But oh well. Apparently it’s necessary?

…I was sexually abused as a child. …And I reacted to it by…becoming nauseated. Often. So often I got dehydrated and had to be hospitalized more than once.

…Whenever I think of the sort of emotional interaction you’re describing I start to feel nauseous again. …And hot. Like, I’m being baked in the backseat of car. …What in hell could possibly be remotely pleasant…at all…about that sort of interaction?

Eric: …And then your mind wanders off to Great Britain?

Lacey: Yes.

Eric: Yes, you were clearly reincarnated, in my opinion. And thank God, that was an at least sort of normal life.

Well, but it’s not like that for them. …They don’t suddenly feel like vomiting.

Lacey: What could they possibly be experiencing?

Eric: Imagine it had been Tom Banks, your daddy, who you interacted with. You would have said, “Casi, I feel like you’re mad at me. What’s going on?” WAY back in 2015. Instead of just ignoring her.

Lacey: Okay.

I’d have cared?

Eric: Yes. Because there would have been some reward for being in interaction with people. You would have been able to find some reason to not just completely ignore her.

Lacey: What would she have said?

Eric: She’d have had to be…rude. And come out and say something mean, publicly. Like, “I don’t like you.” Or, “Because you’re a huge dumbass.” Or, “Your pride and arrogance is too much for me. I’m a sensitive person. Sorry, loser! Bye!”

Lacey: And that’s why I don’t want to bother. It’s impossible to interact with people like that. They’re worthless to me.

Eric: Did she seem arrogant and prideful to you? You’re certainly a genuinely sensitive person. …I think she often narcissistically projected things on you.

Lacey: I guess?

Eric: You generally just didn’t care?

Lacey: I’m not a prideful person. Nor arrogant. …*shrug*

Eric: I know. So you just didn’t care?

Lacey: She’s…just another hateful, ambitious…pushy person. Dime a dozen.

Eric: Yes. Okay.

So you found her…colorful and amusing…but incredibly mundane?

Lacey: Yes. And mean. What’s the use in a mean person? They’re useless. Unless you need to find ways to torture prisoners, in a war, they’re useless.

Eric: Yes.

But see…most people alive today…enjoy…interacting in a very particular way. And they don’t have an intuitive grasp of how little interest you have and why. …So…she took your lack of interest as an insult, when really you just genuinely didn’t want that kind of attention, at all.

Lacey: …What’s the insult?

Eric: That you were so far above her you couldn’t care less about her.

Lacey: *laughs*

Why does anyone enjoy that kind of interaction?

Eric: Because it’s how they feel they’re creating a democracy, and an organized society. And it’s fun to them. …They have…fun. We have fun. And we form friendships that way.

Lacey: See, you’re actually being very heartless right now. …But I don’t hold that against you. …Why does everyone hold that kind of thing against me? Total double standard! Totally unfair!

Eric: Have you ever been told differently? In a kind way?

Lacey: No, of course not.

So, you…all…have fun.

Great.

You can’t expect me to instantly understand though. I don’t. …What’s fun about it? …You haven’t explained.

Eric: *”conjures” a dead British aristocrat*

Lord Loughborough: Sweetie, they’re being silly. You know what I mean by silly. …Like two kittens.

Lacey: I still don’t get what’s fun.

Lord Loughborough: You weren’t supposed to be reincarnated, now. This isn’t your bag, so to speak.

It’s…not like math, to them. I know that’s what keeps coming to mind for you. Math problems.

No. It’s more like…dancing.

Lacey: Exhausting.

Lord Loughborough: Well…yes. …But it can also be fun.

Lacey: *Lacey starts to understand*

Lord Loughborough: It’s alright dear. I understand.

If there’s reincarnation, Lacey’s former mother: *Starts to cry, seeing her husband and Lacey interact, as they were meant to.*

Lacey: So most of them enjoy that. Interesting.

I can’t enjoy it almost at all anymore.

Pat Wilson: You seem British. The way we used to be, anyhow.

Time.

Lacey: Yes.

Pat Wilson: It’s quick nowadays. All the dancing.

I loved it. I found it exciting!

Lacey: Why?

Pat Wilson: *thinking*

I was the one who shoved you off to go be with Lem, by the way. It made me too angry when I died.

*she laughs*

Well…-

*she thinks*

Americans like movement. …Not…like ballet. Not that dancing is a bad analogy.

They want to feel something. Always. …And because of that, they have a need to be…constantly in each other’s business. …You get it?

Lacey: Not like us?

Pat: *smiles*

NO! …You and I are…in Purgatory together. Settling our disputes, so to speak. We have…action between us…but-

*she thinks*

Where I shoved you off to go be with Lem…violently…perhaps…- *she laughs* It had deep meaning. And that’s why I did it. You understand.

*Lacey struggles not to cry.*

*Then so does Pat.*

*They both fight to control themselves.*

They don’t necessarily have such meaning. …You always assume they do, because you can’t imagine caring about anything as much as they seem to, unless if there’s something very valuable at stake…but they don’t. They just are that way. It’s their souls. …They find it fulfilling.

Lem was just as bored by it as you. …Which is why he was so into drugs, in his latter years. Well, one reason. …He couldn’t tolerate engaging with people like that anymore. At all.

It irritates me too, some.

I mean, just think. We’re so closely interconnected. You and me. …And yet we’re still so distant from each other. …And honestly…I prefer it that way too. …Because it’s not as if there’s no depth between us, but rather…it’s completely overwhelming.

No. They don’t fully experience that depth, the way we do. That’s my experience.

Honestly, when I wrote that letter to Joe’s mother, Rose…I meant to examine what I had assumed was an obvious fact. The way there was this…insurmountable mountain of emotion that was towering over us. I thought she could feel it too. Which is why I sound like you, in that letter. Because you feel such things too.

We’re not stupid people, Lacey. It’s real. They just don’t see it and feel it, like we do.

Rose wasn’t aware of it, however. None of them were. …And so she felt no need to comment in response. …And in that way, you and I are like Casi Hart. *she laughs and Lacey sort of joins her*

We have…expectations that we’re going to affect people. Like she assumed she was affecting you. Because we can’t imagine how they can’t feel some sort of way. *she laughs again* But no, they don’t. *she shrugs* …I felt hurt, as you have. Many times.

How often have you been hurt by that in life?

Lacey: Often. …I’ve just stopped expecting any kind of emotional response to a lot of things. Because people don’t seem to ever care or notice.

Pat: Yes!

Well, that’s how you accidentally made Casi Hart feel, I suspect. Even though she was trying to get a rise out of you, most of the time.

…I think she could never accept that you’re actually you.

She wasn’t born into the aristocracy like you. She’s not even quite like me. Should there be reincarnation.

…But it’s not merely vanity. I think she is Virginia, and I think you shocked her. Deeply.

“What the hell is she doing here!?”

…Regardless, you think more like me.

And anyway, you seemed totally…bizarre.

Lacey: *thinks*

Why…do they like that?!??

Pat: It’s just them. *she shrugs*

I did too, somewhat.

It’s…far more easy to be casual. That way.

Lacey: Why is that better????

Pat: It’s not. Necessarily. But they love it. …I somewhat enjoyed it.

Lacey: *thinks*

So I made Casi feel…inferior?

Pat: Yeah! Because you genuinely didn’t care.

Other people were just as angry as she was. …But on behalf of all of them, she kept trying. To affect you.

Lacey: What ugly, HIDEOUS monsters they are??? As people.

Pat: Well…yes. Actually. But they don’t know that. Because that’s not how they experienced it.

…They thought you were…rejecting them.

Lacey: No. I just don’t know them.

Not like that.

Pat: Yeah! And when you tried to “be their friend” they didn’t understand that…your attempt at closeness was- *she laughs* You misunderstood. You simply completely misunderstood!

Lacey: *thinks*

Well, I was trying to do what they do!

Pat: YES! Be “friends”.

No, it’s not that at all. They’re just…totally different.

It’s totally different, Lacey!

Lacey: *thinks*

So, they feel rejected?

Pat: You scare them. You have since you were a child!

Lacey: I genuinely don’t understand what this bullshit is! I’m sorry! It’s so gross to me!

Pat: *nods in complete understanding*

Yes!

It’s just their way!

It’s just their thing!

Does it make your head hurt?

Lacey: Yes! I feel like my eyes are going to break out of my sockets when I try to comprehend it. I’m not joking.

I just…can’t understand.

Pat: Your parents were supposed to help ingratiate you to this climate, socially. That didn’t happen.

What’s your favorite drink?

Lacey: Pat, what in hell does that even mean!?

Pat: Yes! They love that sort of conversation.

Well, you’re supposed to be…filled with enthusiasm. Because…you love the social dynamics of that conversation. And no, it’s not just competition. Nor…a history lesson. …To them, it’s…everything.

So, what’s your favorite drink?

Lacey: I cant!

*Feels nauseous.*

*Fights to control the nausea.*

Pat I can’t be bothered. I just don’t give a shit!

Pat: Try for me?

Lacey: *rolls her eyes*

*sips water out of her Stanley*

*thinks*

Water.

Pat: *thinks*

If I had met Joe…outside of war…you’d not hurt as much, Scotia.

Lacey: How dumb, Pat.

*Pat smiles*

It’s just stupidity.

Thank you for helping me.

Pat: He did love me. …He really did.

Lacey: Yes.

Was he capable of love?

Pat: *takes a deep breath*

Yes. With me, he was.

Lacey: Amazing!

But he was too messed-up to be faithful?

Pat: *laughs*

Lacey: Pat, does he even exist anymore?

Pat: In a way.

No, that hurt like Hell.

But…he was worth it. For me. …He wasn’t totally incapable of being intimate, like Jack. Kick wasn’t either, mostly. But Joe certainly wasn’t.

Lacey: Interesting.

Well, I hope you’re able to be happy.

Pat: Yes.

You had no business being with him, at all.

Lacey: Oh, I don’t know. It was interesting.

Pat: *laughs*

But…you could have found all of that information out. Through Christ. Without even knowing him. If you really wanted it. Where I am.

Lacey: *thinks*

All of it?

Pat: Yes!

Lacey: All of it!?!

Pat: YES!

It’s that bad!

Lacey: Well how was I supposed to know?!

Pat: I know!

*rubs her head*

I’m so sorry! You have been through a lot.

I was so overwhelmed by jealousy-

Lem: Well, at least you had the sense!

Lacey: Pat, it’s absolute nonsense!!!

Pat: *nods and cries*

Lem: Yes. But she can’t see that, like we can.

You shouldn’t have been so jealous!

Pat: *nods and cries*

You’d be surprised! Even if you know the truth…you’d still feel things. Or I did.

And part of it is that you’re so beautiful. You see?

Lem: Yes, but that’s no excuse! This conversation should have happened a while ago, Pat!

Lacey: I’m glad you do care about me some though.

Pat: *smiles in nationalistic righteous pride*

*later*

Pat: I didn’t know you’d be so…sporting about it? …Are you sure that’s healthy, Lacey? *she looks concerned*

Lacey: It can’t matter.

You know?

Pat: And in fact, you’re right.

But you’ve been shut down so much. By so many people. Are you sure you care so little!?

Lacey: *laughs*

YES!

I don’t give one shit!

Pat: Not anymore?

Lacey: He did something evil to me.

Pat: He was in love with you.

Lacey: What a joke.

Pat: And in fact, you’re completely right.

*she thinks*

Lacey: Do you still even want him? After all this nonsense?

Pat: Yes.

I…was meant for him. In a way.

We actually were soulmates.

Both of us very sincerely fancied each other.

Lacey: *smiles*

My beauty is of no consequence. Totally unrelated. Right?

Pat: Lady Thyne…yes. Except, he used it to hurt me.

Lacey: Interesting that you referred to that name. She is pretty!

Pat: As are you.

I think they favor beautiful women. Since way back.

Lacey: *thinks*

A woman from somewhere: Gosh, if there’s reincarnation, Scotia is sure big about it. But I think she wonders why we aren’t all so…appealing.

Lacey: Well, Pat, I’m sorry.

There’s not much I can do. Especially if I’m not supposed to have reincarnated. You know???

Pat: But Lacey, to them, your beauty…means A LOT.

A lot.

Do you find that unbelievable and unbearably stupid?

Lacey: I mean, it’s real. And it’s nice. Certainly. …But is it really all that?

Pat: To them, it is that important. Because of how they relate to each other. Because of how intensely personal it is.

*later*

Lacey: Pat, at this point, there’s nothing I can do!

Lem: Yeah. I know.

Did you ever understand that people genuinely think you’re frigid and upset and uptight. Because you don’t interact the way they do?

Lacey: I had some slight intuitive inkling.

Lem: Yeah, if you’d been far more obvious with your sexuality, and given part of it is generational, but still…if you’d been more obvious- They don’t see you. They just can’t imagine why anyone would act the way you do, and I did too, unless they’re…neutral. Asexual. Gay. …They don’t get it!

We seem…different. And instead of being able to understand they become scared.

Lacey: I’m very overwhelmed.

*later*

Eric: Did you have any idea what the bad news was when you started writing this?

Lacey: No! I had no idea. Not really.

Eric: Good grief!

I’m sorry.

For what it’s worth, you seem normal to me. But…I just think of you as “quiet”. And I also think of you as both Lady Rosslyn, and Kay “Lacey” Banks.

Lacey: What the hell am I supposed to even do!?

Eric: *laughs*

I agree.

*they think*

Lacey: So Casi felt rejected?

Lem: She did. They all did.

Do you even know at all how to relate to another human being in that way?

Lacey: No!

What are they even really talking about?!

Lem: So-

*he sighs*

I’m sorry-

*he whispers something in her ear*

*she smiles*

Anyway…what we call…love…is what they call…a pipe dream. But we know better, because we can be that way. So could Pat. So can loads of other people. Sadly, mostly, from the past.

And what they want…is…something…fun. Lots of…entertainment. …Yes, the perfume community is into drama. Obviously! But, it’s all about the entertainment aspect for most Americans.

Lacey: Go on.

Lem: It’s not actual closeness.

It’s…chit chat.

That’s the best way I can think to describe it. Not “light conversation”. No, rather, chit chat.

Lacey: When I stop to think about it, that’s the part of my brain…I can’t access. Because…it’s…gone.

Eric reading someone: This is why you don’t over-examine your enemies for the sake of your ego! *talking to the perfume community*

She’s not that weird! You people read WAY too much into EVERYTHING. Or you misread shit. ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Lacey: I can’t do chit chat.

I just can’t.

Lem: So when you try to think of that, relationally, you literally can’t figure out what you’re supposed to even be saying?

Lacey: It’s all completely forced.

I have absolutely nothing to say in that way. At all.

Some energy named Casi (?): *panicking* “I love your dress!” Say something!

Lacey: *shrug*

I don’t give a fuck! Who the hell are you!?

God: She’s trying to be nice.

Lacey: Do I need to tell you go to fuck yourself!? I know she’s possibly trying to be nice.

God: I know. No.

I’m just saying that she’s trying to be nice.

Lacey: How is that even nice though, really? Why does her opinion carry that much weight!?

Lord Loughborough: We didn’t necessarily give compliments that way. In the 1860’s. I see your confusion, Lacey.

What exactly is she trying to say?

God: It’s a common way nowadays of trying to say that someone is wearing something that looks good on them. Which means that they’re looking good. Which is considered a very important accomplishment and very big deal.

Lord Loughborough: We didn’t think that way.

I’m so sorry, Lacey.

They really did over-analyze you, Lacey. With very little empathy or real understanding.

Lacey: So…I do want to know I look pleasing. But…otherwise, why do I care!? At all?

God: Because it matters to them. A lot.

They want to feel…like they’re doing things right. And meeting the standards.

Do you even know what the standards are, Lacey? Or did you get bullied so badly you missed them?

Lacey: Cleanliness? Modesty? Good taste?

God: No. Looking appealing.

Lacey: People actually care about that?

God: Yes, very much. That’s all some people are obsessed with, almost completely, nowadays.

Lacey: No, I didn’t fully understand that.

Is everyone retarded?

God: It looks medically mentally disabled to you?

Lacey: Almost. Yes.

God: Hold on.

*later*

Lacey: It looks like a bunch of apes. Not mentally disabled people. Apes. At best.

God: And actually, people in the 1800’s, and obviously Ancient Egypt, were a bit more than people may suspect, intelligence-wise.

Being so focused on appearance is not the most intelligent thing to be. But that’s where people are, in 2026.

Lacey: I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. I can’t figure out how to relate to people.

The kind of interactions they’re looking for are only ones I’d have had with family. Or a spouse.

It’s so aggressive.

A man in the perfume community: Do you ever feel like people are actually relating to you? Forget you relating to us. Do you ever feel that people are truly relating to you?

Lem: She never does. …I rarely felt that way either.

A man in the perfume community: What does it feel like to you, Lacey?

Lacey: Like people are just talking to me, to be nice.

A man in the perfume community: So you don’t feel like you’re getting connection, almost ever. Shit.

A woman from the 1800’s: You’re not crazy.

Let’s go back and forth.

I see your post:

I say, “You were a stunning girl!”

Lacey: YES!

That’s exactly right.

Here’s my response, “Thank you.

I loved my viola.”

A woman from the 1800’s: I can’t figure out why you’re telling me you loved your viola. That’s so personal.

*she laughs*

I’ll ignore it.

I say, “Yes, nice to see a photo of you. Time passes so quickly. Enjoy what’s left, I guess!”

Lacey: “Gosh! Isn’t that right!? Good grief! I can hardly believe it. It’s shocking.

Good advice. Thanks.”

A woman from the 1800’s: “I submit it to you, joyfully, my friend.”

Lacey: “I do hope so. Thanks ever so much.”

A woman from the 1800’s: Yeah. You seem normal.

They don’t to me. But I know they are…in a way. It’s easier to understand here.

God: If you’re a Christian who’s theologically confused at this time, do not despair. Even if there is reincarnation, it wouldn’t alter the meaning of the Cross.

An energy named Casi: So, our reactions have always seemed strange to you?

Lacey: Yes.

A woman from the 1800’s: Everyone is too personal and yet not personal at all. It’s awful. If you’re not accustomed to it.