Keen to Cross the Pond

“ I think those diamond stud earrings are probably fine.” says Cyrus.

“ you mean the drop ones?” says Lacey.

“ yes!” says Cyrus.

Silence.

“ well, I’m supposed to being told off by him right now but I think he’s lost interest.

People usually do.” says Lacey.

“Then I’ll start talking.” says Michael. “ what? I was trying to share earlier today as I got derailed and I sort of let it was that Lacey really thought Chris that that you were me.

If there’s an Illuminati she really thought you were me.” says Michael.

“ why did he lose interest?” says Casi.

“ because those who try to be loving to her or somewhat narcissistic, mostly, and then they run into a brick wall and they just stop.” says God.

“ OK!?” says Chris

“ you don’t like that though Chris I know you don’t because you don’t understand that that actually is what happened.” says Michael.

“ so I just found Michael Rockefeller’s would be wife?” says Chris Hayes.

“ yeah!!” says Michael.

“ where are you gay at all?” says Chris.

“ yeah but not completely and I was supposed to marry a woman and I would have tried different things and then in my 50s or 60s. I would’ve met her and I would’ve loved her like an adult because she’s a very beautiful woman and I am attracted to women to and people who try to make her child like are pretty stupid or they’re freaks and stupid too.

There’s nothing childlike about her. She’s very sexy and feminine in a way that women rarely are today but it’s not perverted. She at times would’ve seemed old, but she’s not old and I would’ve just found it fascinating and dealt with it because I did sometimes have crushes on older women, but I wasn’t a pervert, and, I would’ve just thought it was interesting finding someone who was young with traits that were kind of old but I would’ve been smart enough to know that she was really young woman and that in a weird way she ended up being appropriate for me but she could’ve been with other people to There’s some wiggle room there, so I’m not a pervert either she we just would’ve liked each other a lot and I died so that didn’t happen but this is real Chris if there’s no illuminati, this is real she’s too meek and humble to ever say this about herself, but she actually really is my soulmate you actually found my real soulmate Chris.” says Michael.

“ I am intrigued. you know it is a little weird.” says Jeffrey Sachs.

“ yeah not Chris if there’s an illuminati this is real she’s a real person and it’s not that creepy. I’m a ghost she’s able to talk to me. She’s been cloistered and attacked by Jack and she was left for dead to some degree and so she found death slightly and that’s just what happened.” says Michael.

“ hey Chris, why are we attacking her?” says Jeffrey.

“ because I want to.” he says.

“ but I think part of the reason you want to Chris is because you don’t really understand who she actually is. I think you’ve imagined that she’s someone I vastly different than who she really is and it’s too hard for you to get over. It’s not her.” says Jeffrey.

“ Chris this really is your problem and no one wants to hold you accountable because they’re too freaked out.” says God.

“ if there’s another Menotti.” says Jesus

Silence.

“ OK well so much for that.” says Lacey.

“Lacey would you have given Bobby to Lem?” asks Cyrus.

“No!” says Lacey.

“That’s moot. If she’d been there, I would’ve been a very different person.” says Lem.

“You’re anxious.” says a psychologist to Lacey.

“There’s probably something very slightly wrong with my wiring because of my father being so old but I don’t know what it is.” says Lacey.

“That’s a very possible explanation.” says the CIA.

Thinking.

“So you’re actually this person!?” says Erin, drunk.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Lacey…Maggie had a crush on you.” says Jason, laughing.

Lacey thinks.

He looks serious.

She says nothing.

He stares at her.

“What!?” she says.

He looks startled.

“What!?” she says.

He stares at her.

“WHAT!?” she says.

He looks shocked.

“Sweetie…I think he’s trying to tell you something useful.” says his wife.

“How is it useful to me!? I’m a straight woman.” says Lacey. 

Shaveydavy laughs.

Jason laughs.

“She’s straight!” says Jason.

“Maggie?” says Lacey, confused.

“No, I mean yes.” he says.

“I don’t think he understands that you’re struggling.” says his wife to Lacey.

“ yeah I I am I have no idea what to say to what he’s saying.” says Lacey.

“ do you want her to act on it?” says Ken Schiebel.

“ yes, Ken they probably do.” says his wife, rolling her eyes.

“ I can’t I’m a straight woman.” says Lacey.

“ then how did you get her interested in you?” says Jason.

His wife cries.

“ by accident.” says Lacey.

Jason freaks out.

“ what did you do?” asks Larry.

“ I was trying to parent her to fix her drug problem.” says Lacey.

“ and then she accidentally fell in love with you?” says Larry.

Lacey laughs.

“ well, I don’t know if it was accidental on her part but essentially, I think she fell in love with me, but I was not intending that, or I thought that if it happened, I think that it was like sort of stupid and inconsequential, and that would just not matter somehow, or some thing, and that it really was more important that I just parent her.” says Lacey.

“ but then what’s supposed to happen when she falls in love with you, Lacey?” says Maggie’s mother, laughing.

“ you know I was a little messed up in that way. I genuinely don’t understand that I really don’t cognitively so in my mind I just assume it’s just not a big deal.” says Lacey.

“ why?” says Larry

“ I don’t entirely know but I think it has to do with being too rejected by people and so in my mind it’s just like a well they’ll get over it in like five seconds if it’s even real at all.” says Lacey.

Larry laughs.

“ so you thought it would be extraordinary if someone felt love with you?” he says.

“ I thought people could, but that it would be sort of nothing. You know kind of like a cold that would last a few days and then I thought maybe if they fell in love with me a lot that that was probably only possible if if it was my husband or some thing. Yeah, I don’t think I thought it was likely at all that anyone would ever fall in love with me who I wasn’t with.” says Lacey.

“ that’s insane that’s completely ludicrous!” says Larry, very angry.

“ do you speak English!?” yells Lacey.

Cyrus smiles and waves at them.

“I can’t take that seriously!!” yells Larry.

“Then that’s your problem Larry.” says a woman.

Larry rolls his eyes. “Is she that hot?!” he says to his wife, about Lacey.

“Yeah. She was.” admits his wife.

“Did she even understand that our daughter was in love with her?” he says.

Her mother looks worried.

“ I don’t think she did!” says Larry.

“ but what is she even a lesbian at all?” says Maggie’s mother.

“ then what was she doing here?” he says.

“ oh, you know she used to stare at me at times like she was studying me.

Did you ever feel like you’re being analyzed by her?” says Maggie’s mother.

“ yeah.” he says.

“I don’t think she was…normal.” says Maggie’s mom.

“ what was her goal?” says Larry.

Maggie’s mom looks concerned.

Larry laughs.

“ how ambitious was she?” asks Maggie’s mom.

“ what was her idea?” says Larry

Maggie’s mom shrugs.

“ I don’t think she was in love with my daughter.” says Larry.

“ I think we were charity work to her. I sincerely think we were just charity work.” says Maggie’s mom.

“ yeah.” says Larry.

“ why did she care so much?” says Maggie’s mom.

“ I think she was really out there.” says Larry.

“ and what was wrong with her?” says Maggie’s mom. “ she couldn’t get a date. I remember Maggie saying that and that was really hard to believe.”

“ weren’t her parents abusive?” says Larry.

“ I think she was just trying to be a caring person.” says her mom.

“ yes but that’s scary.” says Larry.

“ I don’t think she thought anyone would notice.” says Maggie’s mom.

“ how could someone really be that tender hearted?” says Larry.

“ I think it’s rare, but I think it’s possible.” says her mom,

“ yeah and then Maggie fell in love.” says Larry.

“ I don’t think Maggie was really in love with her. I think Maggie fell in love with some part of her, and then she just imagined the rest, and I’m not even sure if that part of Lacey even existed.” says Maggie’s mom.

“ so Jason what was the point of telling Lacey all that because that’s sad Lacey really was that loving she really is straight and was straight and it’s pretty ordinary there’s nothing really that spectacular about it so what was the point of all of that?” says God.

“ because I found her attractive and I was trying not to because I had a girlfriend and pretty much everyone found her attractive, but they were trying not to.” says Jason.

“ did anyone ever find her attractive without try not to?” says Larry in his subconscious.

“ Larry, did you find her attractive?” asks God.

“Yes.” he says.

“ why does everyone try not to?” says Jason.

“ I know many reasons, but everyone pretty much does except for the wrong people.” says God.

“ she’s had a lesbian or to fall for her and she was molested. She’s never had anyone really love her the way that a human usually is loved.” says Jesus.

“ so that’s depressing!” says Cyrus.