“Lacey” by Lem

“Those eyes can be contorted to look like Jack. But she’s never been him. And those are her eyes almost exactly.” says God.

“You guys that looks like her.” says Alanis.

“It does.” says God. “A LOT. It’s uncanny.”

“Lem…thought he was gay, Jeffrey. He really did.” says Jesus. “It’s just that simple.”

“Why are we doing this?” says Jeffrey.

Jesus cries.

“Is Lem crying?” asks Chris Hayes.

“No!” says Lem. “But Jeffrey and Jesus are…both upset by something.”

Long silence.

“Does her husband know that she’s talking to the Illuminati?” says a man.

“No!” says Michael. “And yes.” He thinks. “I need Chris to understand something. She’s not a typical person.

I actually was her soulmate.”

“That’s possible.” says the CIA.

“ are you guys understand that and yet you don’t because you think really highly of yourselves in a way that’s kind of stupid. Jeffrey, you are an intellectual. You are a public intellectual, but I don’t think you’re any wealthier that her father-in-law I’m not even sure if your as wealthy as him. you’re not necessarily even as wealthy as some of the people in her family before the oil. And I’m not saying that to shame you I am saying that because you don’t seem to understand it’s not preposterous for her to take that so seriously.

You pride yourself, and understanding things that other people refuse to understand. You’ve got to try to understand!

I know you’re trying to be helpful and I respect that. You’ve got to try to understand she’s just as sweet just as lady like just as sexy as she says she is. Even more so. And it’s actually just like math to think that I could be with her. Just because it confuses her slightly and you read that does not mean that it’s fact.” says Michael.

“ she’s really capable of being that loose?” says Jeffrey.

“ Jeffrey what do you want?

Do you want me to say that I knew her in the 1800s or do you want me to say that I’m exceptional in a way that she doesn’t understand yet?” says Michael.

“ so she just responds to you?” says Jeffrey.

“ yes, we respond to each other instantly or we did.” says Michael.

He laughs.

“ so basically Michael U2 were close to some degree as cousins when she was lady Roslyn and you were the earl of West Moreland or there’s just something extraordinary but that’s that second one is what I don’t understand. She does very striking resemblance to that whole family, and that’s kind of strange that her Scottish accent is uncanny, I think. And I’m a Jew, so to some degree, so I’m not quite as opposed to the idea of reincarnation of some people. It to me it’s just an old religious idea that could be true and if I see evidence of it, I think well do you never know.

And obviously Lacey is now wondering if she should take it more seriously and actually I would suggest that she does.

There’s no way at all that she was ever Jack?” says Jeffrey.

“ none whatsoever they’re very different people.” says God.

“ Jeffrey I really was straight and there actually is an explanation for everything. I’m sorry I know that’s hard for some people to understand but if it actually is fact.” says Lem.

“ Lem’s as much as I think outside the box it’s just hard for me to except what you’re telling me even though it actually is plausible and I think it’s my it’s it’s me being humbled intellectually-“ he says

“ why do you think that there are more people like that though? There are there are so many people who made that mistake in the past, and there still are some not as many, but there still are some and they’re rare nowadays, but they weren’t as rare in the past, and I don’t quite understand why that’s so astounding.” says Lem. “ They posed for pictures with their boyfriends. They were probably more sexually involved with them that I might’ve even been molestation is a very psychologically traumatizing event and it’s hard to recover from it and edit it. Just it really screws you up in your head, Jeffrey, and it’s very hard to recover, and I didn’t until I was almost dead.”

“ but I know we were friends Lem.” says Bobby.

“ I know you don’t Bobby you don’t know that that’s your perception of things. Lacey thought she was loved by her mother and she wasn’t. Now, if you really thought about it, objectively, you’d be able to figure out the difference between real love, and what I was doing, but you’re not doing that because you don’t have that capability as a person your mother is terrible at it as well, and so are most women who you’ve taken advantage of and part of the reason you do that is because you suck shit at it yourself and it embarrasses you to yourself And so in order to recover from that narcissistically you savagely attack people who are more vulnerable than you, so you don’t feel like such a loser for taking people seriously who don’t really deserve it yourself.” says Lem.

“ he’s right he didn’t love you. I’m sorry.” says Bobby. “ bobby your narcissistic and if you weren’t you’d be able to discern the difference, but you struggle with that I’m sorry.”

“ we weren’t really his friend Bobby you’ve fooled yourself I’m sorry.” says David Kennedy.

“ so Lacey and her legal husband love me more than I’m ever did!?” says Bobby.

“ yeah, you could say that!” says her husband.

“ what are you experienced with? Lem’s was brutal. And I think maybe you were never supposed to find out until you were dead because it’s pretty harsh.” says Lacey to Bobby.

“Yeah!” says David.

“ so is it Joe’s fault?” he says in the afterlife.

“ yeah, it is a Joe was not supposed to lie to Lacey like he did. She was with F Scott Fitzgerald, and love was suffering, but he was coping with it, because he knew it wasn’t forever, and he knew that Scott would never take her forever if or, if he did that he deserved it. Him from God‘s perspective not just his own. And Scott wasn’t really going to do that but he didn’t say that to Lacey because he knew that he shouldn’t because she needed to believe that someone would be able to love her because he relates to her and so he let her believe that they might be together forever Because he wanted her to have hope that she could be loved. And God allowed it because it wasn’t really a lie it was more just letting her believe something that’s true, but that wasn’t the complete truth so and that’s not what Lem doing at all. so the truth is, she actually is better suited for Harold and Louis than Scott. But he knew those men both of them quite well obviously and they weren’t as easy they couldn’t communicate with her as easily. She’s slightly dead so she is able to talk to ghosts and she lives in Saint Paul and they’re all here. Harold is here sometime Scott’s often in Saint Paul And Louis is as well because that’s where they’re from so Scott approached her and then he just sort of found a way to sort of say hey you know I really find you attractive you know I we are we get along really well I could be in love with you I want, and that’s all true She’s very much his type and they’re very much people who could be in love with each other and even our but they’re not meant to be together. Scott doesn’t quite understand why you guys don’t think she’s more like Zelda, the jack. Zelda could be very offensive too, but she was too charming to be that offensive and she was so much bisexual. So at least he’s completely straight, and she actually is more Louis or Harold’s type and there’s nothing wrong with her you’ve misunderstood her.

So she was with Scott Bobby try to stick with me she was with Scott OK and everything was fine she was managing and I’m not trying to make her maid feel bad but this is just what happened she was managing things were OK and then she got it in her head that she was really irresponsible and stupid for taking Being with a ghost so seriously and it wasn’t that she preferred that it was just that it was happening to her and it was comforting and people were telling her that it was dumb basically because they’re dead. People still tell her that. And there isn’t a problem with that because that is true except for the fact that she may be needed she she wasn’t stupid and there is a serious problem in her life because her father really is Tom sincerely regardless he’s her dad and so she doesn’t think like people today if you guys have got to try to entertain that possibility because it’s so glaringly obvious she doesn’t think like people today and so her options are genuinely very limited. And that’s heartbreaking because that’s not at all who she was supposed to be she’s a very loving person she’s very maternal she’s very romantic towards men she’s straight hundred percent and she’s very submissive. She was very fertile. She’s in her 40s know but I mean none of that ever gotten used because she was born so late.

And it’s actually extremely tragic, but it is what it is.,

So Scott was addressing that and they were together and he was fixing the situation as best as he could and he did a very good job of it. I mean it was brilliant the way he handled her the way that he let them be in love because they actually are, and he’s sophisticated enough to understand that it meant some thing, but that it could die, and that was OK because it wasn’t meant to be forever Scott Scott Fitzgerald I mean he’s a genius and so he was handling it perfectly fine. And no, there really wasn’t a problem. There really wasn’t. It was completely fine. She was a little too mature for her age but she had been her whole life. People were confused by her, but I mean she actually is far more exotic, and sort of art deco then you think And her father was and is her father and he’s not attracted to her they’re not like that that’s perverted but she she would’ve fancied older men sometimes so did Margie obviously and it’s not perverted, and so Harold and Scott were people who she may have ended up with briefly.

But no, I mean yeah you have to realize she does actually think like the greatest generation so old for her is F Scott Fitzgerald. Her father was born in 1894. So F Scott Fitzgerald, Gerald was born in 1896.

F Scott Fitzgerald is actually younger than her father by two years. So does she think like F Scott just got Fitzgerald‘s daughter slightly. Slightly to the cooking, the recipes, the gardening is very similar to his daughter. But that’s the greatest generation they were like that she’s like that. But she’s not his daughter and he found her attractive so they were fine. You know she was fine. She was in Saint Paul and she was she was fine.

He was very comforting to her. He let her enjoy art deco stuff with him, because he was a very aesthetically, intelligent person so they would look at skyscrapers and St Paul together in analyzed architecture, and they were analyzed perfume together. They were really good friends, and he was a very good companion to her and her spirit Scott is a very intelligent man and they were having fun just you know I guess in a sense being together, but not not forever.

Louis tried to bring her back to that and it kind of started to work but then his wife got involved and it was a problem.

Zelda was jealous of Lacey but Zelda is also very smart and sensitive and I think she knew Lem’s existed. She knew how much Lem’s loved Lacey and I don’t know if Zelda felt maternal towards them or what it was but somehow Zelda just thought this is Dom it’ll be fine, she’s meant to be with Lem’s they’ll be they’ll be together Scott’s just being Scott, enjoying a beautiful young woman who is very into writing and perfume and they’ll be fine. He’s doing something out of it to sense the kindness of his heart and she’s a very deep person too and also Lacey is Harold soulmate. So I mean Zelda did find Harold attractive and they never did anything but Zelda understood that that Harold was good looking and rich and it’s kind of like well. I would go for that too. It’s not that big of a deal like it’s it’s it’s disturbing, but probably not the most disturbing thing Scott did. And so Harold I am was hot to her and she would’ve slept with him very easily but it never happened and I mean if if Lacey had been in Paris in the 1920s with Harold, I mean come on let’s be real there it’s kind of like a couple that you know who you see it a dinner party and you think I would never really want to do this because that’s weird but truth be told my husband finds his wife attractive and I find the husband attractive and then nothing ever happens because it really genuinely is weird but um it’s not like the traction doesn’t exist. 

So With Scott still getting even with Zelda possibly but I kind of doubt it, but I I wouldn’t rule it out .

Like I could’ve done this and I didn’t I was faithful to you and you weren’t faithful to me Zelda so you’ll have to suffer through this. We’re in purgatory deal with it.

So they were fine. Lacey and Scott were just fine. And yes, Loma suffering but it was manageable and I actually think eventually Scott may have sort of edge to Lacey towards them as the years went by. He’s sort of critically told Lacey that he would probably set her up with a English aristocrat. Literally she was taking a shower and they were just talking and it wasn’t necessarily even sexual they were just talking her and Scott Finis is back in like 2013 or 14 and Scott said you know there’s probably an English aristocrat that I would set you up with so speak. That was the idea there’s an English aristocrat who you should probably be with. No he literally told her that that he would put her with an old English aristocrat. That’s who she would end up with somehow or something. So if there’s reincarnation, he was talking about her husband, Lem. Lem was straight. I’m sorry that’s so hard for you to comprehend at all. so if there’s reincarnation, he had every intention of sort of nudging her and Lem’s’s direction slowly overtime. Or that was his cryptic way of telling her that It’s Lem because he’s a ghost .

But Joe flipped out, Bobby.

I’m sorry if that’s hard for you to handle about your family.

Joe completely flipped out.

Your father was terrified.

Yeah, he anticipated something really terrible happening and it did.

Joe does not necessarily exist right now.

He will come back, Lord willing, and Pat doesn’t exist either she chose to go with him, but he was way out of line.

Oh, you don’t know who I am yet, but I’m from St Paul and I watched this entire thing.

Yes Bobby, your dad got screwed over I’m sorry.

I, the truth is Bob your father would’ve been a better president than any of his brothers and Lacey knows that. But that’s not how they saw things in the family and so that’s not what happened.

Joe was incredibly intelligent and arguably the best looking of all of them. But he was tempestuous and irrational at times, and he was not capable when it came down to it of handling that much responsibility. Your father was a far more rational, responsible person than any of his brothers.

Joe was very in love with Lacey. She’s extremely attractive. She is better looking than most women, and she has a sort of Celtic beauty whether she’s reincarnated or not. So Joe was really an offer. He just thought she was the coolest thing ever sexually. And he was very possessive of her kind of like he could be possessive of certain things like his bike or certain things that he collected or fancied he, he could get very possessive of stuff that he really liked. And he liked those things, but he was genuinely possessive of them, and it wasn’t is dysfunctional as Jack, but he was very possessive. And so even though he knew he’d been neglectful of Lacey and that she was hurt and that she was really supposed to be with them anyway, he couldn’t handle her being with anyone but him who was dead. It was just too upsetting to him. Because he had it in his head that if she was going to be with anyone who is a ghost, he was going to be him. It was partially a way of one upping his father and sort of putting his father in his place like she was your soulmate but you screwed it up and now she can be mine and I’m not going to cause I’m better than you I’m better looking I’m smarter. I am more masculine. I’m just a better person and he wasn’t always good at thinking things through long-term so I was like well you know he never realize that it wouldn’t work because she was supposed to be with Lem’s and they couldn’t really make it show. They’re happy in the way that him, and someone else would be happy but he he just kind of kept dragging it off and thinking that it would just be fine and that he wasn’t really making a huge mistake because she found him really attractive because she really did and he thought she was really something to and he just thought it was really cool and you know really nifty and he just didn’t wanna let go of it. He just did not want to let go of it.

So no, it’s not as screwed up as Jack but it was still screwed up.

So she was how do I say this without being gross she was falling asleep at night in bed next to Scott. How about that? And I mean it was she thought it was forever possibly so it wasn’t really a disturbing thing and he was kind of weird about it partially because of the Tami temporary nature of the whole thing and yet Scott is romantic so I don’t know if he was 100% convinced that it was temporary But I think he thought it most likely was. And so it was fine but then Joe saw that it was actually very upset by it and so he started attacking them and by the time she was in Seattle, she was thinking about him again and writing stories about him he found a way to start talking to her, because he wanted to sort of edge his way back as her top person who was Dad who she would be with and he was very good about it you know he used 40s music have and hit you know his good looks and he just kind of kept saying what about me you know what about me Lacey and and she was unsure what was going on and then that was around the time we’re all hell broke loose and the illuminati started talking to her. Because Jack decided that he was going to really dig that the knife end and really brutalized her because I think he thought she wasn’t suffering enough. His brother was giving her so much attention, and Scott was giving her attention and it irritated him to see Lacey getting all that attention from the Perfume community From her family in Seattle to some degree from Scott Fitzgerald from one of those she didn’t know it’s from Luis lately. It just really pissed jack off because Jack likes to be the center of attention or he did and he couldn’t deal with anyone existing hardly at all, he was a very fragile person

And by fragile, I mean, fragile in an evil sad way, because he really couldn’t handle other people existing like other humans with feelings it just was really hard for him.

A lot of his show and charm was to control people.

So he decided to use the illuminati to attack her, and Joe tried to stop it, but it didn’t work.

So yes, and then there were other people in the perfume community to who found her attractive and what is it was a handsome man who was mostly gay to and yes, Jack found him attractive, and that pissed Jack off.

And that isn’t necessarily to say that homosexuality is even allowed in heaven, but it’s just true. The Jack was really pissed off by the fact that there was a German man who was mostly gay, who thought Lacey was attractive and was kind of into her. He couldn’t handle that.

So so mean, so there was also right around the time that Pat was dying and yeah, Pat passed her to blew the whole thing. For a second time.

She is not his twin flame. She’s not his soulmate, but she adores him and God allows them to be together because it’s consensual. They both don’t seem to care entirely that they’re not really made for each other and so God being God has allowed them to be together because they’re so determined to be together to some degree, and so it really wasn’t functional but he doesn’t control people so when she died, Joe totally fell apart psychologically yeah as a ghost, and he just wasn’t. He just wasn’t able to keep himself in any sort of cogent pattern of I thought. He couldn’t handle the whole thing, so he just kept telling him self that it wasn’t happening and that everything was fine and it really wasn’t and all hell broke loose.

He should have just told Lacey that Pat was you know the love of his life essentially, and that even though she wasn’t as good looking as Lacey and she wasn’t really his type completely that she was in away and that they just like to each other and so he was going to be with her and it wasn’t him it wasn’t something that he necessarily meant to be hurtful towards Lacey. He just really liked Pat just that much and he could’ve told her that but instead he chose to just totally mess the entire thing up.

Bobby is very prescient at times and it is very eerie. How much is wives all seem like Lacey. And he’s been told that before but he needs to take it more seriously for his own good.

So… essentially yeah Joe screwed everything up at P for your entire family because Jack was a idiot, but if Joe had just kept everything together, it might’ve still been fine. But the combination of him and Jack? everything fell apart.

Bobby, I think you were trying to marry someone like her because you take your family very seriously.” says a man from St. Paul.

“Chris…why are you all so obsessed with being better than her?” says Michael Rockefeller.

“Your World!!” by Lem

Lacey was going to post a satirical account of Jack and I but I’m not sure if people can handle it. What you refused to accept is that I was straight and everything else flows from that fountain. I wasn’t bisexual at all.  There are bisexuals who think they’re straight who think everyone’s bisexual but in reality, they are not everybody. 

Why does this matter so much? Well because you people who are attacking her are ruining the world. …And for whatever reason…my orientation is incredibly important to you.

(Adult content below)

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes as edited by Henry Mancini plays.

It’s 1962.

In the Kennedy Administration.

Jack Kennedy waltzes in. J…F…K.

Jack…Kennedy.

“Well HIYAH!” he says, grinning. Mouth open wide. Showing off his teeth.

“Jack…” says Jackie, walking in quickly to his side. All smiles. “Lover…can you fill in these dates for me? …I need to know when we can go to the Masterson’s this spring. …On Cape May. …They’ve been pestering us for months!”

Jack looks instantly pissed-off. …How dare his wife Jackie…bother HIM! He has important things to do!!! This…silly stuff!? *eye-roll*

“Okay. FINE!! …Do what you like!!” he says, genuinely really annoyed by her.

All the Things You Are as edited Henry Mancini plays.

“Jack…it’s just…I need to know…when you’ll be available.” pleads Jackie, painfully forcing herself to smile like she’s not ready to have another nervous breakdown from Jack’s abusive behavior.

He rolls his eyes. Snarls. Rolls his eyes again. Leans back against the desk in the Oval Office. Really rolls his eyes. And then laughs at her like she’s just a “silly little woman” after all…and maybe he can tolerate her massive stupidity if he just forces himself like a saint in his own imagination to keep a really good sense of humor about her woeful inadequacies as a so-called human.

“Sure!” he says with a laugh, grabbing the paper.

Romeo and Juliet (Love Theme) as edited by Henry Mancini plays.

“I just don’t understand why you can’t…think of these things yourself!” he says in his Boston accent, still really annoyed.

He sits down at the desk in the Oval Office and reads her writing. She’s written down a list of dates…with notes next to them explaining why each one is a good and bad idea both. She spent hours and hours researching things and calling people to get that much information. And then she wrote it all down. As neatly as possible. As thoughtfully as possible.

Dear Heart as edited Henry Mancini plays.

Jack grumpily reads over the paper. He exhales sharply. Swallows. Blinks. Looks irritated.

He laughs again to himself.

“Why don’t we just go when Fred Masterson suggested we go!?” he says, condescendingly.

“Because Helen said that’s not really when he actually wants us going!” says Jackie, forcing herself to be brave and question him slightly.

“Since when did Fred ever cause that many problems for Helen?

Fred is a friend of mine from Harvard! Jackie…clearly Fred wants us there when he asked us to come!” he says to her like she’s STUPID and like…so problematic.

“Oh…I know you and Fred go way back…but heavens had those health problems of Helene are bothering them both! And lately Jack…Fred just isn’t as relaxed as he was when you knew him at Harvard! …Jack they have four kids now!” says Jackie.

Jack considers it. Looks gloomy. Looks annoyed. Looks…really irritated.

“I mean, of course if you want to go in March on Thursday the 29th there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it…as it’s your time that’s more important than anyone’s…and I know that.” says Jackie.

He looks thoughtful and happier.

“Just do whatever you think is best to do. I hate having to treat you like you’re a little girl Jackie.

I am incredibly busy today!” says Jack.

She sighs. Nods. “Jack I only have one more question for you!” 

“Alright fine!! Then speak up!” says Jack Kennedy, in his Boston accent, crossing his legs and his arms, as he sits down in a huge huff.

Standing tall and prim, to seem impressive to him, “May I take the plane to Paris next Thursday?” 

He thinks. “ I only have so much to spend Jackie!! What does Mr. Dior expect of you!? To to buy his entire collection?”

She closes her eyes. “It’s just a dress!!” she says, now annoyed herself. 

Being a narcissist bisexual Jack understands. He looks worried.

“Well…there’s no way I can ask my father for my money!” he says, freaking out.

“No…Jack that’s not true. Dad has a lot of money that he’s willing to give us in an emergency.” says Jackie.

“Yes…Jackie, you often remind me of that.” he says, laughing at her.

Well…I can’t help it if I’m slim and fit.” she says daring to flirt with him. “Jack…people expect me to look good!” she says, sexually, trying to arouse him.

Feeling aroused and less angry he relaxes. “Well…I suppose we can find the money somehow!” he says.

Pink Panther Theme by Henry Mancini plays.

“Goody!!” she says. She excitedly walks over to him…throws her arms around his neck. Kisses him. “Pappy is a very wealthy man!” she says trying to sound sexy to Jack.

Jack giggles, feeling confident.

“YAS!” he says in his crap, thick Boston accent, that he lacked enough self-awareness to ever hear.

Ebullient he dismisses her.

Lem walks in. Tall. Straight. Recovering from a night of heavy drinking. He’s smoking. And he’s prancing with his legs like he’s gay. And it’s comical. Because it’s exaggerated. Just a bit too much.

He sharply almost twirls toward Jack…shutting his eyes…because the morning light in the Oval Office hurts. Feeling like vomiting he controls himself. But it makes him seem cold like a corpse. And save for his comedic attempt to look gay he’s a rather dour individual.

Lem laughs too loudly.

A Lover’s Concerto as edited by Henry Mancini plays.

Lem laughs in a high-pitched squeal. Sure to show his teeth slightly and purse his lips like a duck a bit. Bat his eyes. And contort his hips to the left to look girly.

No. This isn’t a real exaggeration. It’s actually accurate. …You’re dumb or ignorant if you think that I’m wrong. …I’m sorry.

Lem pours himself a drink of vodka mixed with orange juice…siting on a pretty bar cart.

Lemmers…” says Jack, like they’re living in a movie…where he’s the star and Lem is madly in love with him…but never his equal…just…so in love with him. Jack smiles fondly. Sincerely. “Lemmers…why aren’t we…fucking?” he says. He throws Lem a dirty look.

The Way We Were by Henry Mancini plays.

Jack narrows his eyes to seem SEXY. He looks…deadly serious. Trying to…simmer. Sizzle. SEDUCE.

He wants to seem…playful. So he puts his arms behind his neck. Leans back slightly. Laughs. Sticks out his legs. Pushes himself backwards with his foot against his desk. Rests his feet, crossed, on his desk.

Throws Lem…a shouldering glance.

“Do you ever think of me as James Bond?” says JFK, sincerely.

1:57

Lem looks up, rattled and nauseated. But determined to be kind he restrains himself. He quickly breathes in and out. To keep from vomiting.

A dull expression on Lem’s face. He focuses on not throwing-up.

The song ends.

Love Story by Henry Mancini plays.

Lem pushes his spectacles up his nose. Closes his asthmatic mouth. Feels like really throwing-up. Closes his eyes to concentrate on Jack’s question.

“I mean…you do bear a…striking…resemblance.” says Lem, seductively. He downs his drink. Pours himself another one.

Lem gives up. Leans against the wall. Moaning in misery. Prepared to die, if necessary.

“What’s wrong Lem!?” says JFK, totally obtusely. Dull faced. No genuine empathy. But…he sounds smart somehow still.

“ Yeah…I just…I drank way too much last night.” says Lem apologetically. 

“Hahahah!! Yeah!! COCKSUCKER!!!” says JFK, laughing at him, joyfully.

Lem tries to laugh at himself.

“Why don’t you just lay down!” says JFK, sounding kind.

Lem, really doing good acting, pulls a gay look as he rubs his forehead and winces in a pretty manner. Quivering lips. Then he walks over to the sofa and accidentally looks straight as he falls face forward with a flop. Arms and legs awkwardly sprawled around. He lets out an unattractive masculine, heterosexual grunt.

Jack is unaroused by the sounds as well.

1:57

But…Jack stares at Lem’s butt. Lem has a very attractive butt.

Being straight, never being a woman, and not being…a jerk himself…Lem didn’t realize Jack would seize this opportunity to stare at his butt. …It’s…both involuntary and intentional on Jack’s part, I suspect.

Jack ogles Lem. Half smirking and half smiling. Silently giggling as he believes no one can see him. He looks down at his desk then. In arousal, shame, and pure evil.

Lem instinctively sits up and glances over at him. With his glasses. Blinking.

“Do you want me to…suck your cock?” asks Lem…kindly.

Not right now!” says JFK, tersely and matter-of-factly. Irritated for some reason.

The song ends.

All by Myself as edited by Henry Mancini plays.

“Look…later!” says JFK, in a thick Boston accent. “I actually have things to do right now. Jackie was just in here a few minutes ago and she was all flustered about some stupid shit with a dress.”

“Alright.

Look…I’ve got a headache! I need to take something!!” says Lem, sounding very straight.

“I don’t know what you want to goddamn take! There’s some aspirin over there!” says JFK, annoyed and motioning to an end table.

Lem goes up and gets it. Looking awful.

“What were you drinking last night buddy anyway?” says JFK, very condescendingly. He laughs at Lem.

Misty by Henry Mancini plays.

“AHH…let’s see! I first started off with a Chardonnay at dinner. …And then I had scotch twice. …And then I drink that whole glass of vodka!

You saw it!” says Lem, yes, sounding entirely heterosexual.

“I’m not watching you all of the fucking time.

You shouldn’t drink so much!!! GEEZ!!” says JFK, condescendingly and sincerely.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” says Lem. He sits down. Leans back.

Jack stands up. Laughing.

Jack puts The Twist by Chubby Checker on, loud. Laughing. Laughing so hard he falls forward. Cracks himself up. Falls on the ground. Rolls on his back laughing.

1:40

He becomes suddenly serious. Stares up at the ceiling of the Oval Office.

Lem just ignores it all. Lays down.

Jack looks freaked out though.

The song ends.

“SUCK MY COCK NOW!!!” yells Jack.

Lem bolts up. In shock. Mouth hanging open. Baffled.

“They’ll hear you!!” Lem whispers, in a panic.

Jack cries and shrugs. He scoots his butt backwards and rests on a wall. Looking like he’s having a panic attack.

“Jack, what’s wrong?!?” asks Lem, worried.

“I don’t know! I just feel…ahhh…lightheaded!” says JFK.

“Oh okay! Well…why don’t you lie down!!” says Lem, sounding gay now. He forces himself up.

Jack shakes his head no.

Lem rolls his eyes out of Jack’s sight. Downs his drink quickly.

“Look…you wanna fuck? We can fuck. …But I’ve got a headache.” says Lem, irritated. He turns towards Jack.

Jack smokes. “I don’t want to ask my dad for money. …Jackie has me all wound up. That’s all!” says Jack.

Lem looks sad. Rubs his face.

“Jack…I can’t talk about this right now. …We set your budget. …Jackie didn’t need five more dresses this spring.” says Lem.

“I DON’T HAVE A BUDGET!!!” wails Jack.

Lem ignores him.

“I’m the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, Lem!!! …Presidents of the United States don’t have budgets!!! …DEAL WITH IT!!!” yells JFK, standing-up.

And at that Jack tries to punch Lem in the face.

Lem ducks. Picks Jack up. Throws him on the sofa.

Jack quickly takes off his pants. Manically.

Lem stands there.

“Do it!!! SUCK ME NOW!!!” yells JFK.

“Alright.” says Lem, without excitement. He takes off his shoes. Lowers himself to his knees. Jack looks…hyper.

Jack lays back and spreads his legs in anticipation. Arms stretched out. Pants off. Socks on. Suit coat on. For some reason. He looks…psychotic.

“COME ON LEM!!!” he yells, losing patience.

Lem takes off his glasses. Sits them on the coffee table. Takes a deep breath. Focuses.

Takes a second to think to prepare himself.

Jack, practically foams at the mouth.

No. This is accurate. Sorry.

Lem closes his eyes and leans forward. Cold as ice. Methodically. Jack pushes him off. In sexual frustration and hurt. Begins violently masturbating himself, in exasperation.

Lem laughs. Like a gay man. Leans back. Pushes his glasses up his nose. Does a gay laugh.

“Fuck you!! I don’t have time for this!” says Jack.

Lem shrugs.

“I have a headache Jack, I feel like vomiting!!!” says Lem, to explain.

“Yeah sure you have a headache just when I need you, you little piece of shit!!” yells JFK at Lem. “Why did you even come in here this morning?!? Damn you…you little fucker from Hell!”

Jack gets himself hard.

“Now you suck that, you little son of a bitch!” says JFK, enraged.

Lem laughs. Shrugs. “I’ll have to go slowly this morning or do you want me to throw-up all over you in the sofa!?”

“I want you to get me off! Damn you! It’s not that difficult! I’d do it myself if I could just lean forward enough!” says JFK.

Lem nods his head. “Look let me just get someone else in here to do it for you. OK!? Just hang on!”

“No. I want you to do it now!! YOU LITTLE FUCKING TRAMP!!” yells JFK.

Lem breathes through his mouth. Winces in misery. And then with his real PTSD from being molested and heterosexual he almost vomits. Catches it in mouth.

“Geez!!!” says Lem. He stands-up. Grabs a blanket. Covers Jack.

“Look…I’ll-I’ll just have to do it-to do it later or you know…later this week or something OK?” says Lem, very sweetly.

He walks out of the office.

“Where is Jack’s friend?” says Lem to Mrs. Lincoln.

“Ahh…his friend! Oh his friend!? His friend Lem!? …Lem which friend are you talking about?” she says scared, irritated and confused.

“Hey…get Sam on the phone!” says Lem.

Baby Elephant Walk by Henry Mancini plays.

Lem wiggles slightly as he quickly walks down the hall. Breathing quickly. Breathing through his mouth. Asthmatic. Scared.

“Jackie!!” he says to her. “Jack has a problem.” he says to her as she sits with a female reporter near a fireplace.

She looks annoyed.

“Lem I’m busy right now! Mr. Billings you are going to have to solve your problems for yourself!” says Jackie.

Lem nods silently. Still breathing through mouth.

Lem walks into the Oval Office. Vomits.

Lem vomits all over the floor.

Three times.

Mrs. Lincoln who’s amazingly not startled to see JFK sitting on the sofa half naked covered with a blanket, does freak out over Lem’s vomit.

“MR. BILLINGS!!” she says, disgusted.

Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis plays.

Lem vomits again.

“DAMMIT!!!!” yells Mrs. Lincoln racing out to get a janitor.

Jack starts laughing. In a posh…sort of British manner.

“That’s alright. …He didn’t mean it. …REALLY!” he says with a grin and a sparkle in his blue eyes to Mrs. Lincoln.

Jack keeps laughing it off. Like the charming star of show. Devilish. Relaxed. COOL.

You Make Me Feel So Young by Frank Sinatra plays.

“We STINK!” he says to Mrs. Lincoln.

Mrs. Lincoln laughs with Jack Kennedy. Charmed by him.

“Mr. President…I’m just glad it’s not you who’s sick.” she says, laughing. “It’s alright…Oscar will be in soon to clean it up.”

“Oh alright. Thanks!!” says JFK.

Lem freaks out. Jack is cold.

“Hey. …I can’t help it!!” says Lem, desperately.

“Yeah. You sad son of a bitch!” says JFK, staring down at his desk.

1:50

“I’m sorry. …Look…let’s just finish off later!” says Lem.

“You wish!! You little faggot!” says JFK, enraged.

“Hey. I’m sorry!!!” says Lem.

“Think nothing of it!! …Just get me wasted!!!” says JFK. “Look…I’m in a bad place. In my head today. …Try to be more…thoughtful.”

“Yeah!!” says Lem. “I’ll call your doctor. Sam is on the way.”

“SAM!?” says Jack.

“Yeah!!!” says Lem.

Jack grins. Laughs. “Were you drinking with that bastard last night? At Sherry’s?”

“No! …He just flew up from Virginia’s coast! He’s been swimming all week!” says Lem cheerfully.

“Oh!! …Say!!! …He’ll be in a good mood.” says JFK, perking up. “Is he bringing Debrah!?”

“Yeah. He always brings her.” says Lem.

“Don’t be jealous. You had your chance!” says JFK, laughing.

So…Jack shoots up. Gets high. And has a threesome with Deborah and Sam.

I’d have written the methodical sex scene with Lem but Lem threw-up.

“Yeah. This is pretty close to reality. Or it’s exactly what happened. Verbatim.

I was…not throwing him on the sofa to fuck him. He punched me. …Or tried to. So I needed to get him off of me. …In physical self defense. …And I didn’t want to throw him on the floor too hard. …I really threw him. And he landed on the sofa.” says Lem. “I had no intention to fuck him. He…had me trained to do it. Mindlessly in a way. But it was gross to me. …I genuinely was like a slave. It was a horrific life.” says Lem. “We meant for a different story to be written today…but we got attacked and this was what emerged. And now you’ll insist I was aroused when I threw him on the sofa. …I was not. At all.

What would have happened was he would have sat there while I just went up and down. …Touched his penis with my hand.

I wasn’t sexual about it. …I was clinical. …But he didn’t care. Maybe he even thought it was better that way. He could feel straight. …Or maybe he had no idea how much he covered for my lack of interest by being so adamant about being straight. And I certainly didn’t know that until I died.

“I actually think that it’s highly unlikely that you weren’t bisexual. Even if you were in love with him I think you just had a very strong sense of honor and I don’t know if you just were scared of women or what. But if you were straight, I actually-that’s fine-

And that’s the thing it’s like maybe he’s just with a woman now and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. 

Did you when you were giving him oral sex put thought into it when she says methodical does she mean like asexual or does she mean that it was just thought through because you weren’t really in love the way that some people are or you had been but then you fell out of love. What does that mean?” says Logan.

“She means that it was methodical, and in a sexual sense. Part of what you’re sensing is her sadness and you’re interpreting it sadly through a narcissistic lens and so you’re giving it meaning to you when she’s the one that has the meaning. Why is she sad? Well…because she actually loves me. And that’s the kind of love that we have. So to her because she wasn’t there she thinks, ‘Well I mean OK I wasn’t there ultimately we’re together he was lonely he didn’t know that I existed at least not completely if at all, he was trying to be happy and it just was that bad!?’ And yes, it was that bad. I was genuinely 100% straight. And so it was an asexual sexual act. I was driving no pleasure from it other than getting him off my back so to speak.

It’s not that she wants me to be gay. It’s not that she wants me to be with other people. Rather it’s that she cares about me. Does that make sense?” says Lem.

“So you gave him oral sex without any passion at all!?” says Erin.

“Yeah that’s possible and I did it!” says Lem.

“But you never made him cum!? You made him cum because he wanted it but you never made him cum?” says Jeffrey Sachs.

“Yes!” says Lem. “No…I never tried to make him cum in like a sexual masculine way. It was always more sort of like a science project.”

“Is that really you?” says Jeffrey.

“Yes it is Jeffrey! Are you friends with Bobby?” says Lem.

“Yes, I am and you’re right I’m making an ass of myself because of that friendship right now.” says Jeffrey.

“ that’s embarrassing because I actually think you’re a very intelligent person and I mean it’s embarrassing because I ate I don’t feel any pride about the fact that I knew that family anymore so I’m sorry I think Lacey thinks I should’ve just killed him or found someway to fix the situation, instead of fixing it the way that I did, and by the way, what I was doing, was sort of a survival of the fittest thing where I thought that it made sense to let him destroy himself using drugs.

Those boys got that impression for me David once said that he was going to take archaeology at Harvard for dummies. That’s where he got the idea because he was actually very unusual, intelligent. The way that he umm…the way, that he analyzed history was very intelligent. he got the idea that he was an idiot from me.

I literally told him that it was survival of the fittest, and that him and his brothers were idiots for using drugs.

“So…you were straight?” asks the CIA.

“Yes.” says Lem.

Seriously?!” says a Millennial guy.

“Yup.” says Lem.

“Why is Lacey so smug about looking better than me?” says Alanis Morrisette.

“Because she’s…angry. …And she’s mad at you…for being mad at her…for being better looking than you.” says Lem.

“Lem do gay men use you to seem straight?” asks Bobby.

“Yes.” says God. “But they’ll hardly ever see that or admit it.”

“So he’s their…cover?” says a man.

“Yes. He was and is.” says God.

“How did you desexualize it?” says Jeffrey Sachs.

“It’s very easy!! You just need to dissociate.” says Lem.

“So…you just…zoned out.” says Jeffrey. “Did you enjoy drugs because they helped you finally really zone out?”

“Yes.” says Lem. “In a way.”

“No. It’s possible.” says Lacey, sweetly.

“Are you showing off with you pastries?” says a man who follows her on Instagram.

“My gosh. I can’t answer that. …Not really.” says Lacey. “I mean…no. But…it’s a privilege. So…”

“Why doesn’t Lem’s…touching Jack…bother you?” asks Jeffrey. “It’s pathetic.”

“Yes. …But there’s a person inside of Lem. And I love him.” says Lacey.