Will the entire world economy fail because Mrs. Blue insists Lem is and was a faggot and Mr. Blue insists he was raised in Tennessee in a Fundamentalist Baptist Church?
“A faggot?!” gasps a Millennial?!
“No. That’s her detected closeted homophobia I’m referring to.” Lacey says of Mrs. Blue.
Silence.
“He doesn’t literally claim to have been born and raised in a Fundamentalist Baptist Church. He just uses that persona illegally.” explains Lacey.
“Oh no! They’re total frauds. I can see why Lacey doesn’t take them seriously.” a woman who hates Lacey but collects perfume says. “And I can see why she absolves herself of the sin she and Michael commit.”
*elite people who believe in New Age reincarnation chuckle at Michael and Lacey*
“What exactly is the sin she and Michael commit?!” asks an English intellectual who agrees that the supposed MIT, US Government and Quaker Oats feeding radioactive oatmeal to mentally challenged kids thing was really just run of the mill pedophilia.
Speaking of the Quaker Oats debacle…those Boomers and brain dead elites sold out their souls the same way Lem did. In the post 1930’s US. They sexually sold out their souls.
“To the Devil.” says Lacey sadly as it sounds so corny and anticlimactic. “They sexually sold out their souls to the Devil. It looked like innocence perhaps. But it wasn’t. And now they and God…if they as individuals didn’t go to Hell…have to sort it all out.”
“But the American middle-class escaped?” asks the British woman. She almost sounds genuinely intrigued.
“To some degree. Yes. To some degree. And perhaps that’s why the dying true elite controlled by American pedophilic New Money or pure evil wanted to brutally molest those innocent, vulnerable children by feeding them radioactive oatmeal en masse. It’s the same psychopathic delusion and rage of a pedophile manifested covertly to mask it’s true intent.” says Lacey. “It looks innocent to the public to feed them oatmeal. Crazy, evil and dangerous? But…it’s the urge to take advantage of the children’s innocence that matters. And don’t twist my brilliance and superiority around and call me a pedophile just for figuring out what human worms you may be.” says Lacey. “If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. If I’m right…then that’s all it was. Ordinary, vile bullshit. …This testing was done post Holocaust you know… It’s not like evil didn’t exist before.”
“It’s okay. Michael and Lacey are gone now.” says one of the leaders who did such things…to the worldwide American middle-class.
“Is Putin challenging the American worldwide supremacy or is he a hoax?” asks an American Millennial calmly.
“Hey Jack…why do you think we want an old Gaelic worldwide economy?” asks a Paul in the Illuminati.
Lacey laughs.
Jack shrugs.
Paul sighs. He decides to calmly consider it. Why not?
“Did those mentally challenged kids threaten the egos of Hell’s Sex Police?” asks a perfume hater of Lacey.
“I’d bet yes.” says Lacey.
“You really are over Mr. Blue?” asks a rapper, aghast of Lacey.
“Are you brainwashed or brain dead?” Lacey asks him.
The leaders of the organization are telling Michael and Lacey jokes. Perhaps they fed lots of people radioactive oatmeal. Perhaps? And if so…did they secretly love the children? …Lacey knows that’s impossible in any real way. But…the rapper insists otherwise. Do you get the joke?
“We taught Lem to hate women. Use them viciously. Ruin their own souls and then…fervently expect genuine love.” explains J. P. of his entire family.
“Why did you do to that to us?!” the Oatmeal Gang asks J. P. Kennedy.
He looks stunned. Is he playing dumb or being a fool?
“Were my kids almost all retarded?” Joe Sr. asks Lacey.
“Answer the question!!!” Lacey says to him.
“I’m not accountable to the Oatmeal Gang!” says Joe Sr..
“Then other than God…who are you accountable to?” asks the Oatmeal Gang. “You got us off better than anyone else.”
Some idiot in the Illuminati tries to make the Oatmeal Gang legitimately sexy. It’s stupid and doesn’t work. Of course.
“See…I agree! I hate the thought of Michael and Lacey thinking they’re the Rockefeller’s still too. He was probably a…demon. And she was…an ugly clown with a good mask.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater grinning as if she needs to please men with her face by smiling more. She genuinely believes she’s beautiful like Lacey and her husband drives a golf cart. And she’s secretly rich and powerful. Secretly she suspects Michael and Lacey are supernatural imposters…from Great Britain. But she’d never let herself process that.
“Why don’t you have more empathy for The Loudest Perfume Hater?” Mrs. Blue asks Lacey.
“Why did the Democrats make Joe Sr. symbolically God?” asks a Liberal Intellectual.
“Good question!” says Lacey.
“Hey Joe…do you have a real adult sexuality or do you just pretend to be normal?” the Oatmeal Gang asks of him.
“Did you guys see my $30,000.00 diamond ring?” asks The Loudest Perfume Hater seriously. She thinks the perfume community will believe her and they do. She also believes Lacey will believe her?!?! …Then she says, “It was purchased at Tiffany’s not Kay Jewelers for $400.00 on sale.”
The perfume community believes her just a tiny bit because…they know very little about jewelry. They also lie about Lacey and always did. She scared them…and instead of just letting it be what it is…they made it an international crisis. Literally.
“Am I dead because of all of you?” asks a Carlos of the Perfume Community.
“Am I dead because of all of you? And a cheap ring made of gold and plastic?” asks a heroin addict in the Perfume Community who’s dead.
“No!! We supported you guys! You were like us. You were victims of her evil. She’s so ugly. Isn’t she?!” the Perfume Community says.
“She is!!!” says The Loudest Perfume Hater clapping her hands gleefully.
“So…the nation of Poland on behalf of stupidly narcissistic and fraudulent members of the elite in the Perfume Community? Decided to let Putin take Ukraine as a joke?” asks Lacey. “The joke being about how poor Lacey is and ugly and pretentious and fraudulent in every way?”
“That’s not you! That’s your imagination! You’re insane! I’m rich!!!” The Loudest Perfume Hater yells at Lacey. Then she pulls out a photo of her mildly pretty body and face in her 20’s and the Mercedes fished out of a flooded garage with a damaged interior she owned because her mother hated the car and decided to pawn it off on her instead of driving it herself. “I’m an obsessive stalker. Not an empath. I use my imagination to figure out who people are.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater. “Oh and yes…you know who I am. I’m a somewhat ugly, slightly dumb whore. I spread my legs for literally anyone. …And…I’m bisexual and lie about it to both genders to manipulate people. I’m a fairly ugly con artist. And a thief. And I’m obviously obsessed with you being anything but cis, straight and normal. Because how do I make love to you if you’re not into women? I can’t. And I secretly always thought both women and men like you would love me. And they don’t. Ever.” She thinks. “I’m Lem Billing’s opposite?”
“Why did you con the Perfume Community into believing I’m a fraud? And I know most of them are identity thieves of the Upper-Class…including you. And for me that’s personal. You all assaulted me and continue to daily. I could tolerate their laughable faux Old Money routine…or in some cases I even believed it might be true…but…why did you have to tell them I was anything but genuinely straight? I’m obviously straight. Believe it or not. And…the fact that they bought your hideous lie is profoundly hurtful and abhorrent.” says Lacey. “I’m not attracted to women. At all. I’m only attracted at all to men. And when I say men it should be obvious it means adult males.”
“But see…why do you go into such detail and act so upset if you’re telling the truth?! Why are you so anxious?! I mean…it’s almost like I’m a retarded ape compared to you on literally every human level and it’s questionable if God should have ever let you talk to me. …Because I’m possibly better off dead. Yup. Yup. Yup.” then The Loudest Perfume Hater goes off to sulk long enough to feel okay.
Silence.
“Yeah…I’m anxious because the world is in crisis because of you. And I’m wondering what tools God gave me to desk with this crisis.” says Lacey.
…
“But then when did the payoff ever come from Philip in his con game?!” Lacey asks Queen.
“Never!!!!” yells a muffled Joe Jr..
“Not even in the afterlife yet?!” asks Lacey, terrified.
…
Serenade No. 4 For Orchestra In D Major (“Colloredo”) by Mozart as performed by the Franz Liszt Chamber Orchestra plays.
“See…the drug isn’t real. It’s just Mozart. And it’s just her being better than you you ugly bitch!” says the real Amon to Casi.
“Her being me, Lacey.” says Lacey.
“Her husband is white. Far whiter than you!” says Amon to Casi about Lacey’s legal husband.
“Say!!! Smart guys…do you think Purgatory could be real?! And you are just too evil or dumb to comprehend it?!” the Oatmeal Gang asks the conservative Charismatic Christians.
Silence.
“Casi…Lacey’s not an 8. You wish you could be an 8. No…that’s reality. Casi you’re a…5. A solid 5. No higher. Not even in your lies. And everyone secretly sees through you at least a little but they use you to play dumb. And that’s where it gets interesting doesn’t it? …Because Queen Elizabeth had an otherworldly beautiful bust. She was…earth shatteringly beautiful in her chest. Casi your oversized bosom you photograph for Instagram is nothing more than a fetish. And men really are too stupid to see the difference unless it’s pointed out to them. You’re a pervert, Casi.” says the Oatmeal Gang.
“And your $400 ring is my idea of a common indulgence. It’s a trash ring to me objectively speaking. Because…that’s what it is. You have to think objectively.” says Lacey to the Loudest Perfume Hater.
“Hey! Aren’t you going to care, you angry little ugly brat from some poor farm family.” says Monika to Lacey with genuine, fervent self-righteousness. “Stop lying about how beautiful you are by posting your fake photos. I’m hideous looking in real life but I can take doctored photos that fool people too. Just be honest. I’m sure you’re a street urchin. I’m a Godly feminist warrior of love like Mona di Orio. I knew her. We were best friends. …Say…did you see my villa in Poland? It’s like La Pausa. I drive a Mercedes, Lacey. And my father was a housewife and my mother was a brilliant scientist who worked for Adolf Hitler. I’m a Christian warrior!! And you…you aren’t supposed to know all of this. I thought…we…were friends. I’m crying!!!!” She looks devastated and pretends to fall apart under the weight of Lacey’s horrid personal rejection of her.
Silence.
“So…you think I’m a total fraud?” she asks Lacey patronizingly. “Well…you wait!!! I’ll show you!!! I’ll show you!!! I’ll show you!!!” She seethes. “Oh my God! Umm…see you’re poor!!!” she yells at Lacey. “I’m rich! And…I’m -“
“My family are superior to your family! I drive ten Mercedes and wear cheap jeans with pockets to be frugal. Because I’m poor!! …Umm…be a Muslim!!” yells a former Cabin-Crew-Expert from Malaysia. “I like to shove large objects in my pockets. Especially perfume. I walk around with large bottles in my pockets frequently.”
“Oh!!!! You have a driver and a Bentley like the Russians in the Perfume Community?!” asks Lacey of the Cabin Crew Expert. “And you have several personal assistants too?! Which is why…like a clever self described elites Muslim you shove huge bottles of perfume in your tiny jean pockets?” Lacey thinks. “Because you don’t carry a handbag?”
“And what about you, Purple Hair Perfume Expert? You…want to show us another cheap, gaudy espresso cup and make us stare at your ugly face?” asks Lacey. “You’re just an obsessive person who loves their own voice and face to a silly, narcissistic but endearing degree. Not a perfume expert.” Lacey smiles sadly at her.
…
And that’s when Mr. Craft decides to join Thirsten-wannabe at the Good Eirt. They sit, drunk coffee and decide how to kill Lacey. Drunk coffee.
“Putin hates her!! No!!” Thirsten-wannabe says to Mr. Craft reassuringly.
…
A Bobby Jr. tries to turn Lacey’s actual children into mentally challenged individuals using the sex she’s had with Lem Billing’s…using a witch. But Lacey resists.
“No, they’ve murdered judges and lots of threatening people in their sleep using witchcraft for decades.” says Lacey about the Illuminati.
…
Back at The Good Eirt.
“Why don’t you and I team up-“ starts Mr. Craft to Thirsten-wannabe.
“I’m all ears!” Thirsten-wannabe says. He’s being serious.
…
“No! She’s not mentally challenged.” Lacey says to a group of haters including A Ethel and A Bobby Jr. who have decided based on their sexual desires to rape Lem that Lacey is a homophobe and therefore deserving of violence.
“I love that my son is obsessed with cycling me. See he knows I’m pretty. His dad did not!” says an Ethel. “He’s going to kill Lacey’s kids to keep me alive. We’re in love.”
Silence.
“I’m sexy!!!” yells an Ethel.
…
“No. I’m not so-called in love with Joe Sr. or anyone going or potentially to or in Hell, including Thirsten-wannabe.” says Lacey.
The Illuminati ceases killing Lacey due to the power of God. If she recalls correctly a Ethel and a Bobby have tried to kill her before because they’re violently threatened by her to the point of feeling like they could literally die from it.
“A kike decides that the Kennedy curse is just Lacey?” asks Harvey Weinstein in irritation.
“Why are you attacking us!? We just wanna go to Hell for eternity and bring everything and everyone with us. Or…we want to try to be so dumb that God takes pity on our minds and lobotomizes our souls when we die.” says the Illuminati.
“She’s anti-semetic!!” yells The Loudest Perfume Hater. “You guys are my best friends!!! I love you!!!!” she says catching on real quick to how the whole currently evil and retarded Illuminati-thingy works.
“Can I shoot Bobby Jr. in the head? Sincerely.” Tommy Banks asks the Illuminati.
“No. We are scared.” says the tough guys who are adults in the Illuminati. It’s not that they’re children. It’s that they’re cowards and posers who don’t know how to righteously kill people.
“So Casi, The Loudest Perfume Hater, you’re not really being accepted in the Illuminati. By everyone.” says a witch.
…
The Illuminati under the guidance of a Kate Shaw-Hayes believes they can fool Lacey into molesting her kids with pseudo-intellectual babbling. But because Lacey’s not a pedophile or an idiot it doesn’t work.
“But I thought I was being cool and hip and modern by hating my semi bourgeois, upper class family?” says an Old Money type.
“I can’t be wrong to try to want to kill her!” says a public radio station. “I hate how she mocks my voice. And the demons I send to destroy her family aren’t doing my biding. I try to fuck the demons. And aren’t demons essentially like children? Isn’t that the newest elite understanding!??”
Lacey laughs. “Actually…thinking demons are like children is an old concept at this point. It’s been around since the 1990’s. At least.”
…
“So we’re in love?!” Thirsten-wannabe asks Mr. Craft.
Mr. Craft looks at him like he’s being taken advantage of by this man.
…
“Can I shoot an Ethel in the head?” Tommy Banks asks the Illuminati.
“Yes. If necessary.” says Lacey.
“I’m mentally incapable of handling what happened seven years ago. It’s my fault and my husband’s fault. But they won’t let me admit that!! Because it makes them all look trashy.” says Mrs. Blue.
“And also…it’s mostly you and your husband’s fault.” says Lacey to Mr. and Mrs. Blue. But…if the Illuminati exists they’re hoping someone will read this blog and literally kill both of you. Because then they don’t have to. So…if you’re reading this blog don’t kill Mr. and Mrs. Blue. Just pray that if they should die or become paralyzed or in a coma due to a brain aneurysm from God Himself that they would. Because I wash my hands of it in the most Godly way possible.
—
Keen to Cross the Pond 